Hello everyone! So I’d like to hear opinions and advice on this since I am very conflicted! I share custody of my four-year-old son with his father, and we are pretty civil with each other (most of the time). My dilemma is during the days he has our son, he will sometimes ask me to join them for dinner out or to some type of outing, and honestly, I feel uncomfortable about it and yet also so guilty! The reason I feel uncomfortable about the situation is that number one, I was with him for eight years, and it was a pretty volatile relationship which is why I left. We get along much better the less we are around each other. Also, I am afraid of confusing my son and also making his father believe I’m interested in getting back together, also the fact it’s been two years since I ended it and have moved on in a new relationship by now. I also feel a lot of guilt whenever I decide against going because it makes me feel like I’m saying no to a chance at more time with my son, who is my whole entire world. It hurts me so much, but I’m just so uncomfortable spending time around his father in that way. I feel like if the occasion is something about the child, it’s okay (such as birthdays or school events), but just a casual family outing? I just don’t like the idea. I think it’d send mixed signals. I don’t want to masquerade as a family with him when it never happens again. I’m sorry if I seem to repeat myself in this or it seems long and drawn out, I just don’t know what the right thing is, or how to stop feeling guilty about it. So, what do you all think? Thanks in advance everyone!!
My ex takes me grocery shopping and helps me with errands . Our boys know we will never get back together . If you don’t want to go don’t go your child will not think less of you . And what your ex thinks of you shouldn’t matter anymore .
Nothing to feel guilty about. Say no thank you to going. Let your son spend that time with his father, The End! If you’re uncomfortable, stop going. Simple! If the ex is doing this, thinking he has a chance, then nip it in the bud now.
All your reasons for not going are 100% valid
Doing things as a family is important and healthy for your son. Just don’t cross any boundaries and you will be okay.
My daughter is 29 - her dad and I split when she was 5. She has pictures of the three of us from birth until adulthood. Why? Because she wasn’t the problem. She was our child. We decided to always keep her best interests at heart. Follow your heart.
What was “volatile” about your relationship? Is your child SAFE with his Dad by himself? Maybe this is an underlying reason you DO participate?
You are right to trust your instincts. Just have the talk with your ex and let him know that time is for him and his son. Simple. Then you spend some girl time by yourself
Age of the child plays alot into this situation. And being only 4yo it’s too confusing for the child they don’t understand. Me and my daughters father are 10 months separated now and my daughter turns 4 next month. We both refuse to do anything with each other(I was abused) but even being very clear about mommy and daddy have separate lives and will not be doing things together. My daughter still cries wanting daddy to come home and be with her and mommy. 🤷
Just say you made other plans and they should have their time together
Um does he not want you to have anytime to yourself? Just say no and dont feel guilty. Hopefully he gets the hint, to stop asking
I don’t know, I feel it’s for your child not anything to do with you or your ex. Show him what a healthy relationship could look like even it you didn’t make it as partners… every once in a while isn’t going to hurt you.
Is your kid happy about it when you all go out together?
It’s ok to be just friends. Be honest and express yourself to your ex. That way everything is up front and he does know your boundaries.
first, talk to your ex,. tell him what the real score in a very kind and non insulting way,. second, talk to your current and let him know what your worries here and have a compromise with each other on what makes you both comfortable,. and third, talk to your son,. you’ll be surprised how understanding they can be even as young if you talk to them straight and reasonbly,. and tell him how much you and his dad love him, despite not being always present together,. I think there’s nothing wrong spending time with the both of them once in awhile if everyone is aware of what all of you expects,. and lastly, talk to your self what you are comfortable with and what you are willing to compromised and let go,. remember, communication is not simply a word, it’s there to be expressed,.
Just say no, dont complicate it. Your uncomfortable and feeling guilty. Dont do that to yourself. Take care of yourself so you can be the best you to care for others.
This all depends on clarity if you and your ex are clear on the fact that you are friends not a couple well there should not be a problem but if you feel that he has other motives than no. As for your son that is also a matter of talking to him and constantly reassuring him. You need to create for his sake a family and families do not always mean that mom and dad are a couple but you have to be careful because you and your ex can cultivate an excellent friendship for your son’s sake and when you have significant others in your lives they may not understand. It is not the norm but it is also not impossible. All this is a matter of communicating effectively. You feel uncomfortable and you must have a reason for it and you have no reason to feel guilty for saying no because the time he spends with his father is their time, you need to maximize your time with him.
I think just being honest with your ex is your first start. Try not to feel guilty because u really need time out for girl time when.your ex has your son go out with a few friends for. Lunch.or coffee.go shopping. Good luck
If you’re in another relationship, your ass doesn’t need to be going anywhere with your baby daddy without your man !!! Period !!!
Ask him flat out why he does. This is another form of co parenting, to spend time with the child together. If you are getting along during this time then you both are teaching your son how to act as well. It’s important not to completely separate yourself from him if you are able to co parent properly
Honestly explain to your son what u said in this post that u love his dad but not good for each other I know if I ever got divorced I would always love the father of my baby’s but sometimes people can’t be always together is what I would say and that u spend time with your dad and I’ll be here when you come back home idk🤷♀️ lol
And honestly it will send mix singles cause in the back world your sons head he may start thinking that you will get back together
Maybe discuss taking your new significant other too if its a serious enough relationship? If not then maybe explain to your ex that youre worried about these things and if youre going to agree to the outings that youre not interested in anything more than giving your son time with both parents and that it needs to not become a problem that youre spending more time around each other. And tell your son “mommy and daddy are still friends” and that means you can go with them but that it doesn’t mean youre going to live together again
I think it shows your son that you and dad can put your stuff aside so that he can still spend time with both of you. I see no issue with it. Coparents should be friends. If you’re going to parent separately, imo it’s best to keep everything as normal as possible. Let your son have the time with both of you. Make you intentions about it absolutely clear to dad.
I have four year old twins and have been out to dinner/lunch with my ex and kids many times since we split up, and have started inviting him over for dinner regularly. They know Daddy doesn’t live with us and are not confused thinking we are getting back together. As awkward and uncomfortable as it may be for me, it’s more important for them to see their parents getting along and acting friendly. We may not be together, but we’re still family because of the kids.
Your son also sees that his parents get along and he’ll be happy for that.
You are not wrong! Always listen to your gut. If you’re not comfortable then don’t go! Your son will be old enough and understand one day. Explain it to him as best you can for now and explain in more detail as he gets older. Like you said if it’s a school event or maybe a public holiday event, but not just the two of you and your son having a family outing. It could be confusing and you don’t need to stress yourself out
I actually see this as a sign of maturity. You’re setting a model of civil behavior - putting aside the nonsense and pettiness so your son can enjoy time with both his parents. As long as you and your ex can be civil and appropriate, I see nothing wrong with it. I think it will help him to become a better adjusted child and exhibit emotional maturity as he gets older and serve as a good model for his own life.
Occasionally I will go to the park or lunch or something else with my ex husband and our daughter if she asks me to. We actually went on vacation together last summer because we both wanted to be there for her first ocean experience and we all went camping a few days ago. As long as all the adults are civil and your current partner doesn’t have a problem with it then explain to your son that just because you all went to dinner or did an activity together doesn’t mean you and dad are back together or ever will be, it just means you both enjoy doing things with your son. 4 is old enough to understand it in simple terms but you will probably have to remind him of it once in awhile
I think you thinking too much about it. If it’s been 2 years then your child is already use to y’all not being together. Regardless if your together or not you will always be family and that looks different in every situation. My ex and I have been divorced 8 years and I’m with someone and he’s with someone and we are all family and honestly if my kids have never asked cause it’s normal to them
I would only attend things like birthdays…etc…that way there’s no confusion on the ex’s part or for your son.
Sooo, god forbid if you and the father show your son that y’all have a good friendship for the sake of the child?? Okay…
Good for the child if could get a long
Does your ex have a new girlfriend? What does she think? Why does it make you uncomfortable? Does your current relationship share your concerns? When you do go with them do you feel like your there to babysit? If your honest with yourself then it won’t be guilt or awkwardness. You have a right to say no it’s your time. And whether kids are used to it or not. They will always wish their parents were together. It’s natural and normal so maybe for now your concerns are valid and maybe later it might change. It’s not easy trying to find a peaceful area and only you can decide that. Not any advice. You know. In my experience it caused issues. I did try. Over and over for four year with different outcomes each time and for us it isn’t in the cards on a regular basis. Hugs. Either way your not wrong. Don’t beat yourself up or make excuses that will cause hard feelings later.
You’re not wrong and I think you should not feel guilty. That’s his time with your son and you have your time. You have holidays and birthdays to come together for the little one. You know the dad better then any of us on here so follow your gut and don’t let anyone on here or elsewhere make you feel bad for it. Every situation is different and just because someone else FEELS it’s no big deal doesn’t mean you have to FEEL the same, their relationship may not have been as volatile.
My parents divorced when I was 8 & we would go out to eat together, sometimes even a movie, every week. I knew they were never getting back together, but were doing these things because they both loved me & were still friends (kind of). But, every kid is different too. If you think this will confuse your son try talking to him.
Bring your new guy along. No confused signals.
If you’re uncomfortable don’t feel guilty. My ex and my SO see each other more than he and I do… like multiple times a day. We live next door and all 3 coparent. It was really difficult at first because he was awful in our relationship. But he’s good to both my boys, and has started gathering gifts for my baby due soon.
My situation is an exception to abusive/ahole exes. None of us are the same as we were before the kids.
Idk I personally could not do that. I understand you’re trying to work together on being good parents but doesn’t mean you have to always do things together. I say except for major holidays,events for your child then I would. It’s one thing to be civil and have a good co-parenting relationship with each other while doing your own things with the child and actually doing things together. I think it would confused the child and give them false hope that mom and dad will be back together one day. I totally understand the wanting to do everything and anything for your child to make them happy but how you feel and what’s best for you emotionally is important too. Happy mom happy life we as mom’s need to remember if we’re not in a good space mentally, emotionally, physically it will affect our kids. Gotta do what’s best for you mama I’m sure dad and your baby will understand.
Maybe suggest a family outting once a month? That way you get you time, dad gets time with son as well as doing things together. Just tell him you’d like some free time, too, once in a while. No harm.in that.
I think it helps present a unified tone so your child know you ate still a parenting team and will less likely try to play you against each other ( some kids do ) just be honest and keep it vary clear .
I would discuss the situation with your new boyfriend. Then set ground rules with your ex. You are there strictly to spend time with your son and civilly co-parent but have no interest in getting back together. You’re son will understand mom and dad are spending time with him but are not together.
Your son deserves quality time with both parents… together sometimes, if possible. It’s important he see how civil and respectful you both can be together. Those are teachings he will cherish when he gets older. A mixed family can thrive if both parents are respectable and have partners that understand the dynamic of the family. This IS doable… and can be very healthy.
Maybe think of it as doing what’s best for your son, instead of missing out on time with him.
You sound like you know it’s not a good idea for you to hang out with your ex, for reasons you know better than anyone, so trust your gut. (If it’s not good for you, it’s not good for your son.) Your child is way better off having one on one time with each parent and parents who are civil and friendly to one another.
Also, have you considered the idea that perhaps your ex knows you feel guilty and is using your son to get you to spend time with him? It’s just something that crossed my mind as a possibility, especially if he’s trying to get you back.
If your son has been introduced to your new relationship, the next time his father asks you to go, ask if you can bring your significant other. I know many people who are coparenting that have both step parents at functions, events, and outings.
Your time is just that. Tell him you have made other plans. Discuss possibly doing something together once a month like a movie or the zoo. Explain that you love your child but you need some me time too just as he does and gets. Tell him thank you but no, it’s your days to parent. If you don’t he’ll start asking everytime it’s his turn. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. Your child will adjust to the situation.
I would feel the same way but u are entitled to alone time too and not feel guilty for it i have that problem also!
Girl I go thru the same thing. But I just view it as teaching the child healthy relationships can be maintained throughout life even when 2 have decided to part. But I feel you on all of this. It sucks
I would tell him that you appreciate that he wants to give you more time with your child, but that you’re more comfortable keeping to the schedule you have and do not want to intrude on his time with your child, as you would also not like for someone (not HIM, just “someone”) to intrude on your time with your child.
Just stop going. You aren’t his wife anymore.
Explain to your son that when his father is allowed visitation, it will be their personal time together to bond as father and son.
Since you have moved on with another relationship you should talk to your ex and see if he would agree for you to be able to bring this person with you when he invites you to do something with him and your child. The child would feel like his parents could get along even if they couldn’t live together. Prayers things will work out for the best with all that are involved♥️
This is just my opinion take it or leave it…I think you should talk to baby daddy and explain exactly what you just told us. Then suggest that anything outside of the special occasion your significant other attend and his gf or a friend so that your son can see as he grows up that EVERYONE HAS HIS BEST INTEREST AT HEART AND WORKS TOGETHER TO MEET HIS NEEDS AND LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. It may seem awkward at first but with time it will become second nature
Your gut instinct never lies. If you feel uncomfortable it’s because it’s an unusual situation. If you are civil with the child’s father then tell him you are not comfortable going out the 3 of you out of respect to your current relationship. If he doesn’t understand then he’s selfish and it’s better to not go out with him except during school events etc.
Its called being an adult, you say the relationship was bad but yet you still had a child with him. Make sure you are up front with him that he knows you are never gonna get back with him and if he still invites you then maybe he is trying to be a better person, let him be that better person. You can still have family time without being a couple. My 1st husband is dead but I am still friends with his ex wife. My step daughter and I combined our households and her birth mom spends the night every other week and we drink wine, laugh and be adults. Show your son a good example.
I’d go! You can still have a friendship with your child’s father, or won’t confuse your kid as long as y’all aren’t being intimate. Make sure you have clear boundaries with your ex and it will all be fine.
It’s HEALTHY to show your child you can be friends.
My ex wanted to continue doing family events after divorced. My children were young at the time and thought we were getting back together. My counselor told us it brings instability to their lives and having a stable life is important for children to accept the change and heal. Best to you
I’d definitely say something to Dad. There’s nothing wrong with co-parenting and having a great relationship in that regard. But if you’re uncomfortable and feel you may be sending mixed signals, communicate that. Just be honest with him. Honesty is the best policy.
My ex comes over and we trick-or-treat, we do Christmas mornings here and we do birthday parties at my house. His new wife and kids come, too. We’ve been such great co-parents, thanks to my husband for being the ref at times.
Honestly, I think it’s wonderful that you both can put aside your differences to spend time together for your son’s benefit. But I can also understand why it could be awkward for you. If the relationship you are in with this new man is serious, I would talk to your son’s father and see if he can come on these little “dates” with you guys. It could help you feel more comfortable, and it would be great for your son to see everyone getting along. Your happiness and well being is important also… so don’t feel guilty for setting boundaries, and for making decisions that are in your best interest too.
Just make your boundaries known! Having a healthy, civil relationship with your child’s other parent is never a bad thing! Or maybe even make it a family outing. See if they are ok with bringing significant others along. Show your little one that, no matter what, BOTH of his parents will always be there.
It you dont have a new relationship, go, and repeat the saying we are friends only in public. So child doesn’t get confused. But really the Dad should forge the time with the child and make their own memories.
If its an everyday thing then I’d put a stop to it but if it’s an occasional thing then you wouldn’t be sending mixed signals. He may feel guilty for the way your relationship was and trying to show your son how you should be treated. I don’t feel there’s any thing wrong with that. It’s just a mutual dinner or outing.
My ex’s and i do this with our kids and all of us are remarried. I don’t think it is weird. We want our kids to see we are still friends and that people can healthy friendships despite not being together. Follow your gut, but make sure your current SO isn’t guilting you into feeling weird about it bc he doesn’t have a say in this.
Currently in a relationship and we both have a child from previous relationship. We are not ok with each other spending time with the other parent like we are still a happy family. The relationship ended for a reason and I will not overstep that boundary.
No do not go. Tell him you don’t want to interfere with the bond between father and son. From experience, it will not go well. If it was volatile before, Its signs. And it will damage your relationship with your partner! Don’t do it, sounds like nothing healthy about this at all, you’re getting along better without him for a reason, no control over you. Follow your gut!!
What concerns me most is that you sound like you don’t feel safe to accept a meal together without misleading him. Eating a meal together isn’t weird in general because you ARE a family. I’ve seen ex’s who raise children together and one or both get remarried and live in the same home. There is no right or wrong as long as everyone feels safe and loved. Bottomline, listen to your gut.
If it were me and I was in a serious relationship with someone else, then I’d invite him to come to dinner as well. I’d pay for us two and see what dad did. If he stoped inviting me once I brought my current person, then I’d know what he was attempting to do.
Whatever you do shake off the guilt!! Seeing his parents speaking and eating together is a kind human interaction. That’s a good thing!
If you’re uncomfortable doing it right now , that’s okay , just explain that to him .
Also , my girls’ dad and I also had a pretty rocky & toxic relationship , but get along much better now as well . For the first year of us being apart , we didn’t do things together with the kids . It’s been 4 years now though , and we go out to dinner with the kids , as well as have family outings quite often . My kiddos aren’t confused by it - we’ve talked about how mom & dad are just better as friends but that we both love them and want them to be happy and that regardless we are all still family . Even my current bf (been together 3 years) participates , and honestly once we all started doing that , I could sense my girls relief and happiness . It really does good for them , I feel like it creates less of a “split household” type of atmosphere for them .
Have a conversation with your ex away from your son. Explain to him how you want him to have his time with his son, and that you and he are not together. Thank him for being thoughtful, but you don’t want to confuse your son into thinking that you two are a couple again, and your current relationship is what he needs to understand. It’s ok to not want to go. That’s supposed to be his time with his dad.
If you feel uncomfortable about going…don’t do it. Don’t force yourself. Don’t give your child false hope. Make the most of your time when your child is with you and end it. Have your own outings with your kid. There’s no need to feel any sort of guilt.
I spend time with my ex and our daughter. We have been split up for 13 years now, but we’ve always done it.
She knows we’re just friends and nothing outside of being friends has happened.
We’re very clear with eachother, whoever we’re in romantic relationships with, and our daughter and it works for us.
Figure out what works for you do you don’t feel guilty or like you’re missing anything.
dont go. those days are specifically for his dad to spend time with him. let him and his father know that you appreciate the offer however you want that time to be for the two of them to bond. its their time together and you dont want to take any time away from that… do not feel guilty for saying no. in the end its vetter for the two of them.
I may be in the minority here but… my ex husband was controlling and abusive. That being said when our girls request for us both to do something together with them, I go. He has no control over me any more and my kids happiness comes before my fear. I will only go out in public places because I feel more safe that way but I will not let my girls down. If they want us both at something, holiday, party, dinner ect. I make it a priority. You have to do what is best for you and your son but think about it as spending time making your son happy not your ex.
I can see in the case of a birthday or a school function. My brother and his ex did this. My nephew felt they would get back together. This never happened plus my nephew was a little terror to any future girl or guy that got involved with either. Don’t do this. Save yourself a lot of grief
There is no clear book or rules on co-parenting. Use your knowledge of your relationships and everyone involved to make the best decision for you and your family. No one family is alike, no one father is alike, no one mother is alike, and no one child is a like. My ex and I did “strange” when we separated then divorced back in the day. Our two children are all grown and in their own. They both thanked us as adults for making them our number one priority, making good conscious decisions when it came to them growing up. We both had relationships but kept all words kind in every situation. Just do what is right for you and your family. Adjust when needed.
Set boundaries. Your child will appreciate a solid co-parenting example when he is older. It may raise questions as he grows, but nothing that can’t be answered. You don’t have to go every time. But its thoughtful that he does invite you
Don’t go. Kindly tell him you appreciate the inclusion and would love more time with your son but that they need father and son bonding time as well. You must put down that boundary. I wasn’t always vocal about it and now that mine is 16 my ex talks to me more than my child and is more focused on getting back with me after 7 years. Stop it now and don’t feel guilty about letting your child have undivided attention with the other parent.
I agree with Kasie Robinson but I want to add, you should have this conversation soon before you get put into the same situation. Have it with him when you son is not around so if it goes south he doesnt have to witness it. Sometimes people will ask you to make plans in front of your child so they can manipulate you. Dont fall for itn
He is inviting you because it is easier for him when you are there than having complete parental responsibility. You are the free babysitter. Nothing complicated about it. Don’t go.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!! That time is Dad time. He needs to do it on his own.
Been 4 years since I have been divorced. We get along so much better as friends. We talk a lot but we never get together with our daughter. It would give her hope.
Go with your gut feeling.
I’m not sure why you’re really asking this question…I only made it halfway through because you seem to have answered it already…you don’t want to continue spending time with the two of them, you’re not comfortable with it…so don’t. Just tell the father you can’t make it or tell him you don’t feel comfortable hanging out with him like that. Some parents are able to co parent like that, some aren’t. I could never co parent like that with my daughter’s father. You have to do what’s best for you and your son and it sounds like what is best is that you don’t hang out with the father at all.
Good luck!
I would 100% go. It’s not a date… it’s showing your son that you can have a healthy relationship with his father and making memories for him with two happy healthy parents.
Him asking you to a dinner date is 1. Inappropriate 2. Another way to manipulate/control you 3. Rude/inconsiderate to your current relationship
If your child has a sporting event ect that would be one thing but its not.
This is his time with your child. He should be spending it all with him and focusing on him not you. This not only, as you said, confuses your child but isn’t fair to your child that his father n is now giving you attention when he should be getting it.
edited to add
I would say getting along at outings can be ok but ALL parties including your boyfriend should be there. This will show your child its ok you 2 didnt work because you both love him and can get along civilly as adults. This sets the tone for if your child is ever in the same situation.
Ask your SO to join you. My kids dad, his wife, our kids, my SO and I all go out to dinner as a group once in a while. Maybe if your SO goes you wont feel so uncomftorable.
You have a child together so you will always be family, like it or not. I say love your child the best you can and if you are not your best around his Dad then don’t go. If you can be your best even around him then I encourage you to go. Young children especially thrive to see Mom and Dad and baby all together. Just my 2 cents.
You can still go on outings, as long as you have clear, well established boundaries within YOURSELF, and also with your ex.
If there’s truly nothing there between you, there’s no need for guilt of any kind, whatsoever.
It’s good, as long as you both have and respect each other’s boundaries.
It’s healthy for the child to see a civil, respectful relationship between the parents, regardless of the nature of that relationship.
My two cents!
I would occasionally go-maybe once a month or so. It’s nice for kids to see their parents get along and it makes them feel happy that they can have a meal with both parents.
I hate my ex, but we are civil. While uncomfortable, we occasionally we will go out to dinner with our daughter. She actually recently asked if we could do it again soon because she enjoyed being able to be with both of us together. She knows there’s no chance of us getting back together. I think as long as that’s clear to your child, what’s the harm in making your child happy!
If you feel that you and your ex can be friends and give your child memories of the two of you getting along even if you aren’t together, I don’t think you should feel guilty. I say this because I envy my best friend and her relationship with her ex husband. They are ex’s but remain the best of friends, they hang out, go out, live close to each other…they even did the roommate thing for awhile…but there was no romantic involvement what so ever. She is now remarried and her ex will babysit her younger kids and keep the family dog when they go on vacation etc…I’m astounded by how they managed such an amazing friendship after their divorce. She says it wasn’t always like that, and for the 1st few years he did want to try again…but she ignored his attempts while staying amicable. I look at those two with complete admiration now and wish we could all have that.
If this did not happen when you were together then no need to start a new family tradition
You share custody do you invite him when you take your son somewhere ?
He needs to learn to get along on his own and with his own family without you there
if you are comfortable for certain large functions then that is your choice
Don’t be guilty or feel bad about your choices and if you feel uncomfortable then listen to you 
Be friendly with ex, but out it respect for your new relationship, keep your distance
Hes manipulating your son. It irks you because of that. Its to show him in the future he couldnt have been that terrible while muti tasking to observe you and irritate your mate. Watch your step.
Let your ex know that you don’t want your son confused by spending “family time” together unless it is a special occasion such as his 5th birthday or a school event. I had the following talk to my youngest grandson when he asked me if Mommy and Daddy were getting back together, “Grandson, Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to get back together. They along better because they aren’t in the same house. They are great parents that they are able to get along so that it is better for the two of you.”
Me and my daughter dad use to take her to the zoo… where I take pictures of them 2 and have him take pitches of me and her, we also went shopping together for her clothes, which their was times I also take my son…we have gotten along so much better this way… I would just let the dad know crystal clear that you dont want him…
Say no, and dont go! I have the same and I do not go along on outings for all the reasons you mentioned above. Just harder to keep every thing seperated. My ex and I have a great friendship and we co parent very well but when it comes to the time kids are with their dad I feel its their time and I dont feel comfortable giving them a false sense of family together. My ex also hasnt moved on enough yet emotionally.
Don’t go it’s just that simple , his time with your son should be about them . If it’s a birthday or school function fine . If you have a significant other in your life then it’s time to enjoy him when the child is with his dad .
You have answered your own feelings. If you are uncomfortable, that matters. Do not put yourself in any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. You wont be able to fully move on and he knows that. That is why he is probably asking.
depending on how you get on its totally up to you whats normal, my brothers father came and spent that much time at our house i called him daddy joe, it never gave my brother false hope, when my parents finally would do things together my younger one didnt get false hope its about been clear about it all mummy and daddy are friends children can understand that they are very smart but if you dont want to then simply dont but as a child parents only doing things on special occasions is crap you want them both to do certain things and your made to feel like you have to pick 1 parent over the other for the rest of the year
Going out as a family is important and incorporating your new SO’s is also important. It’s good for your son to see that you guys will always be there for him… but also that your SO’s can also get along and be there for him.
It’s hard and it takes work. But I truly believe it’s super important. That way the child isn’t worried about who to invite to what events, will his parents get along, etc, that is the kind of stress that children don’t need.
If you can be civil and do “family” things together, then yes I think you should. As long as you keep it limited for your relationship with the father. Healthy is the goal.
Follow your heart! You need to let it be known that the time you are all together is only school events , b-days, you say you are in a relationship now? Wouldn’t you feel that there is something else going one if you where in your boyfriend’s shoes that is also somthing to like about your child needs to also know that mommy has to live her life all so. I have two children of my own i raised my self it was hard they learn as you teach and explain within reason of the childs age. You are a wonderful mom NEVER let anyone say otherwise you are a mom that will do anything, everything you can for your child God Bless stay strong
My husband would never be ok to dine with his ex or even attend a party. Mind u… each experience is different. And it’s ok to say no. His ex LIVES to drive us apart…and it’s sad for the kid. She even told lawyers during court hearings that my husband still tries to “be with her” even though I was always there during “drop offs”
It’s all what your comfortable with. There is no right or wrong answer on how to do this. Do what you feel. My opinion is that I would only attend if it’s a special occasion. A birthday, mothers day or some celebration. Showing your child that mom and dad can get along is amazing! Yet, I can see where the little one can start to get confused.
Trust your gut and don’t feel guilty for something you cannot control feeling. You sound like a wonderful mom who loves her son, but it is okay for him to spend quality alone time with his dad too. So only go to family type appropriate events you prefer like your son’s birthday, and tell your ex that while you do appreciate the other offers, that is for just them to bond instead. All healthy relationships encourage some alone time, so use that time for you and whatever you need to be a better you.
Well if it was a controlling abusive relationship you should keep your distance in that sense. But if it was just arguing while together and nothing abusive. Then you should show your son that even if you arent together you still can be a family. And I’m saying this while I am on a camping trip with my husband our daughter and my ex and his wife her kids and my son and our two together. Bc we work to make it work for the kids. Changing what people think should he normal and being a blender family. Bc our kids come first. This isn t possible for everyone. But my ex and I see each other as family bc of our kids and they were priority day one. 🤷 It isnt always easy bc we sometimes have disagreement but we respect each other. I’m proud of where we are