(Sorry it’s long) Hello everyone. It’s not necessarily a mom thing, but kinda. My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years, married 6. He works out of state but we’ve (in my head) always had a very strong, loving relationship. We have three beautiful children. I thought our life was amazing and going well. Yesterday morning I was scrolling through Instagram and found that he had one, a new one cause it had our kid on the picture. Me being nosy I tried logging in cause he always makes everything the same password. When I couldn’t I checked Snapchat and he changed the password. I was mad and felt he was hiding something so I called him and asked what was happening. He she there was nothing going on but said “you know what while we’re talking I’m not happy anymore and haven’t been.” Then proceeded to give some stupid excuses over a text. I truly was shocked, I love this man more then life itself. I tried talking with him last night because he had to go to sleep for work. (Works 3rd) but when I tried he told me I was just being annoying and he’d talk to me in the morning. Told me he hasn’t been happy for two years. I asked why he chose to keep having kids with me and being with me and he said “I guess I’m just stupid”. We have a 4,2,&1 year old. Today he told me he just doesn’t think it’s going to work out and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. He doesn’t want to try marriage counseling or anything. First I’m mad he ended it over the phone. I’m crushed, he wanted this life, he wanted us to have kids young. We had everything planned out. Now all the sudden it just all changes? I have no idea to do. Should I fight for our marriage or just let him go?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my husband is hiding something
Believe what he is saying, if he is saying there is nothing you can do, then prepare yourself. Look at getting a lawyer and file for divorce.
from the information that you gave , it seems like he may have found someone else the fact that he changed his passwords and now ALL OF A SUDDEN isn’t happy… yea id say he found someone else and was waiting on an excuse to leave smh. so sorry you’re going thru this love.
edit to add: to answer your question, JUST LEAVE! regardless of his reason, he already has his mind made up smh
Let him go. Immediately. It’s always rough when there are children involved but he deserves to do whatever the hell it is he thinks is out there that will make him happy and more importantly you deserve to be free of someone who leaves you feeling inadequate or wondering where it went wrong. If this was just a “boring phase” like some relationships go through maybe it would be worth saving, but if he’s already saying nothing can fix it he isn’t worth trying to hold onto.
I bet he’s got another person lined up. Get yourself to a lawyer and start protecting yourself and kids interests. Get to the doctor in case he hasn’t been faithful. And get yourself a therapist. Start looking into childcare and jobs. GL
Believe what he is saying. He won’t wake up one day and magically change his mind. You don’t want to try and work it out with someone that isn’t sure about you, anyway. You and your babies deserve someone that is in it with you 100%. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Best of luck.
I have no advice but I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you
I know it’s hard but he’s either found someone else or he’s talking to other women. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but you deserve better than that.
I’d take an unannounced trip to the state he’s living in for a few days. Leave the kids home. Get a room in the same hotel. If he’s trying to make you the bad gal in this situation, you may as well get all the facts on your own.
There’s nothing to fight for sis. Just leave.
What is there to fight for? He’s already told you how he feels, and he’s basically insulted you. It seems to me like he’s found somebody else. You deserve to be happy too, not held back. Move on and find the right one. I wouldn’t even want your husband back if I were you for the fact that he’s acting that way, and wants to give up. You deserve somebody better!
He’s telling you it’s over. He’s not happy and you can’t do anything to fix it. It’s him! Nothing you can do, say or fix. He’s not happy. It sounds like he’s already moved on and just needed that push to tell you. Don’t make it harder on you or the kids. He chose this, not you. You are hurt and that’s expected but you need to file for divorce. Get you and the kids out of there. You deserve more. Take time to heal. Then move on when you are ready.
If it’s the marital home don’t leave let him leave first. Otherwise if you leave first you abandoned the marriage. I know your mad & hurt But Be Smart !!
Man it’s time you before a strong empowered woman Divo ece him make sure he pays support and his kids and live your most wonderful life without his lover ass Chester’s are the worst
Yeah he found someone else and making excuses. Maybe the whole time too. Hes an Ass****. I wouldnt even bother. Ik your hurt but dont give that pos 1 more second of your time. He may get in a relationship with that person and realize he messed up but thats when you can get payback! I feel bad for you…people always being pos
Let him go. You did everything you could to make him happy, gave him the life he wanted, and he’s throwing it away. Let him go.
Everyone gonna say leave him this and that but you do what YOU want to do. Honestly focus on yourself more. Make YOU happy again. You get so caught up in being a mom that you forget about yourself. He’s gonna see this and want you again. I promise. Act like you don’t gaf and he’ll come crawling back. Men think the grass is greener on the other side. But the grass is greener where you water it. And sometimes you gotta water your own grass before anyone else’s
He found someone else. Sounds similar to my ex. Believe everything he is saying. Save everything, get finances in order, and move on. Been there done that.
there’s no point in fighting for something that is no longer there. if he’s not happy then he needs to sort that. we are in charge of our own happiness and he needs to be happy again. let him go.
I think he answered your question! It’s unfortunate but …its over! you will make yourself sick on trying to fix what is not fixable in his eyes. Obviously you need to file for divorce ,child support ext… he has already moved on. believe that! Now you have to perservere through it for your kids.good luck mama❤
First off I’m sorry he blind sided you. You deserve better. Do not chase after him. He laid it all out for you. Please do not give him that satisfaction of begging to be with him. Sounds like he found someone and is willing to throw it all away. Let him because I promise you he’ll be the sorry one in the end. Look at this being a second chance at a new life with someone who will go to the ends of earth for you and your babies! He wants to part way. Have his bags back when he comes home.
Kinds hard to fight for a marriage the other person doesn’t want. Maybe part of the problem is that you “love him more than life itself”. That does not sound at all healthy and quite dependent.
There’s definitely someone else. That’s why he is doing what he is doing.
Only you can decide what’s best.
Let him go. He’s been messing around a long time. You should love your kids more than life itself. Love yourself more than life itself. Not a man. Time to pack it up and give yourself more than his remains to care for. Time for divorce and alimony. Child support.
He is cheating on you.
If you own the house then pack his stuff leave it on the lawn, change the locks, file for divorce and move on. You and your children deserve something better.
Let him go. He’s probably has someone and has for a while. Leave and don’t beg for him!
Do not fight for him. Fight for yourself, fight for your kids.
Fighting for something that doesn’t want to be won will only end in resentment. It’ll be one sided and could possibly end up with the 2 of you always arguing and fighting. One will leave anyway. Plus, your children need 2 happy parents, even if they have to part. It’s not going to be easy for you at first. The hurt will turn to anger. Anger will turn to grief. But it will pass. Just don’t hang on if he’s not
jog him on you deserve better xx
Let him go girl. Show him your strength and that you don’t need him even if you do. You know in your heart he is being deceitful. Look at his actions rather than your emotions towards him. You deserve better. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
End it. Don’t try and keep someone that doesn’t want to be there. You’ll both be miserable and he may or may not do some shady shit behind your back to make himself happy. That doesn’t mean he has been doing anything but bring ling up he’s not happy right after you question his changing his password could mean he’s found someone else or is just talking to other people.
Sounds like (from personal experience) he’s cheating. He gave you a timeline and everything. Do some digging. Get proof and file for divorce. Don’t leave your home. It’s yours. Period
Let it go girl. Don’t you dare beg someone to love you
Let him go! You will be so much happier without him. You are going to kill yourself with one-sidedness, but thinking he wants to be in it. But he doesn’t. I am so sorry. You sound like a strong woman though and if he doesn’t want to take the children have him pay support. Good luck to you
Get a layer and see where you stand you may be able to stay where you are and see about child airport and yourself
Sadly it does sound like he has found someone else. Reach out to people you trust for support and move on.
I’m so sorry. It takes both parties to fight for a marriage. If he isn’t willing you will just hurt yourself more. Get yourself some counseling.
He is cheating and " thinks" he ready to move on . Hold your head up , gather yourself and think abt what your dream could be now that you know . DO NOT WAIST YOUR TIME GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH HIM , TIME IS SHORT AND MUCH TO VALUABLE.
File for divorce, child support and alimony.
If you feel like he is hiding something, he probably is. The way he’s acting is like you haven’t been together for 8 years. I can’t even. I believe marriage IS worth fighting for. BUT both have to be in for it to actually work. I’d just give it time.
You would be wasting your time sweetheart…Move on!! Sounds like he has another woman!
Definitely sounds like he’s heads been turned walk away with your head so high and when he comes crawling because he will once he realises then stand strong and keep to your gun. Its so hard I know but you don’t deserve this man
He definitely has someone else… I really feel for u it’s devastating when they do this… try to …I know its hard but try to make a life for urself… this new thing, he will live to regret… the grass is never greener on the other side… he is a spineless evil cretin to have done this to u and ur children… he doesn’t deserve u … I hope u find happiness x
Let him go. He’s probably cheating you can force someone to be with you.
Honestly what’s the point of fighting for something that the other person no longer wants it’s just gonna be so much more stress on you as well as your kiddos. Take this time to focus of being a better mom for your kiddos and a better person for yourself. Sounds like he’s been cheating hence changing passwords and creating a new Instagram, my man and I have been together going on 5 years with an almost 4 year old and have the same passwords so that’s a big red flag
Sounds like hes leaving you cause he got caught
Bloody cheek of him,he waits and has 2 kids with you in the last two years saying he wasn’t happy,selfish bastard.Hes saying all this now because he’s guilty as he was found out so yes he was defo up to something behind your back dirty scum.Your better off away from the lieing piece of shit as God only knows what he’s been up to in the past.Think of yourself and those prescious babies now because they will always show you the love and care u deserve.He doesn’t deserve you at all so get rid of him he will soon realise how good he had it once it’s gone
Let him go, he’s already gone.
I am so sorry no advice …
He got caught up and thinks leaving is easier than saying I’m sorry I made a mistake and would like to work this out. Men are fucking idiots. Move on baby, you don’t deserve someone that makes you feel like that.
Let him go. He’s already found someone else and just hasn’t been able to find the balls to tell you it’s over. Save yourself a lot of pain and anguish.
Get you a lawyer, file for divorce, alimony, custody and child support.
U can’t be the only one fighting, if he doesn’t want to try then let him walk away.
Walk away, your health and kids are more important
He’s hiding something
He’s with someone else only why I say this is from experience. It’s going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but you need to leave him. Let him go
Throw him off and pack his stuff up. If he seems okay with it your dodging a bullet.
Praying for you and your babies
It seems he has already checked out of the relationship. You can’t fight for a marriage to work on your own, if he’s not into it might as well just save yourself the extra heartache and let go.
He has a new 1 dats why move on kids dont need dis at all either do u your better tjan dat i wish u the best but if me his bags be packed but make sure hes paying 4 his kids he wanted them u had them shocking after 8 yrs
It’s a horrible feeling, his focus is elsewhere and when he realizes the grass isn’t greener on the other side, he’ll come crawling back.
You can’t want it more than he does, marriage is a team effort. Divorce isn’t the end of the world although it may seem that way.
There is a good man out there for you who will appreciate you. Speaking from experience, there is calm after the storm! Best of luck and focus on caring for you and your children!
He’s cheating guaranteed . Choose yourself and your kids. He won’t change and he’s showing who he is. A grown, mature man would not break up with his wife as he did. He’s a man-child and frankly you deserve better. I’m no gonna sugar coat it, it’s very hard to make the transition to single mom life (I went through it after a 17 yrs marriage to a man that turned out to be a narcissistic a-hole) but worth it. There is life after divorce. You can find a good man someday when you’ve done the work to heal yourself and set your standards high. You will need to make an exit plan and there’s advantages to filing for divorce before he does. Tina Swithin has an excellent webinar about documenting for court. In her page One Moms Battle you can use search bar and plug in terms like exit plan, etc. You will get lots of excellent ideas for preparing for this transition. It’s imperative you do line up your ducks in a row and ensure you’re not left without resources to take care of your kids. Important to gather information on all accounts etc for getting a clear picture of finances also because you will need it for court. Consult at least 3 attorneys.
He’s done because he finally got caught. He has someone else.
Been there done that with a new cell phone in his mamas name new number I couldn’t have new Facebook only to find out he was Messing with a married woman whose husband at the time was a truck driver
It hurts at first deeply but then you get mad ,angry and then I picked myself up 3 weeks later and thought I deserve better so I did what made Me happy!!
Hell no. The best revenge is let him go. He will trip himself because the girls he is talking to aren’t going to last. And you know he is talking to girls. I wouldn’t go back to him when he comes groveling back either. You deserve better.
He is already gone. Seems like there’s already someone else thats why he is dodging the conversation with you.
He’s got someone else girl. Let him go. So sorry this happened to you.
Let him go, but make sure he takes care of all relevant expenses.
This definitely sounds like he’s been messing with someone else or at least thinking about it. I’d be mad as hell too. Everything about the way he went about it is dirty and wrong. You don’t treat the person that you have children with that way… best bet would be to focus on yourself and your children… let the trash take itself out…
From experiencing this myself…don’t fight. Just leave
Why? Why fight for somebody who SAID he doesn’t love you ?? He’s looks like he’s already found somebody else. You need a Lawyer, child support & alimony. Then you can find somebody who you CAN be happy with.
I’ve been through this. There is definitely someone else (or he’s just ‘playing’). I’m sorry but your husband is past done. He even told you that.
My advice, come to an agreement on everything regarding the kids (and assets) and file for a divorce. The more agreeable the conditions are the easier it will be for your kids and you. I’m so sorry girl!
Let him go, don’t message him at all. He’s done so time to move forward and focus on loving them babies and yourself first. He’s not worth it and sounds like he’s been checked out for quite some time. You will heal.
Let him go, I’m telling you right now he’s with someone else, this is the exact crap my ex said to me. If he refuses to even work anything out with you and this is all coming out of no where for you, he’s met someone. So get your self back on track, get your feet on the ground and take care of your babies and focus on yourself.
A marriage can’t work if only one of you is fighting for it.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like he has already made his choice. To have the best outcome for you and the children, just let him go. Try to work on being the best co- parents you can be for your kids.
Girl please move on. He is not worth the trouble I realize you love him etc but he is hiding something cheating or whatever you and your kids deserve so much more than what he can offer.
Let him go he’s been cheating
Sounds like he’s been messing around for awhile now. Ditch him.
He’s already gone, sweet girl. Let him go. It’s going to hurt and you’re going to feel so low for a while, but you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be wanted, respected, valued, and appreciated. He’s clearly not that man. I say from experience that usually men that appear to be hiding something are hiding a lot more than you think.
Take a few days to focus on yourself. Try and reconnect with who you were before you committed yourself to this person. She’ll be different - more mature, lots more life experience, new perspectives, etc, but reconnecting with her will help you separate yourself from him. You get to build a new life exactly the way you want it. Even though this is heart breaking and hard to wrap your head around, this can be a blessing in disguise.
He is already gone, he left you… time to figure out finances, child support and move on.
It sounds like he’s already moved on with someone new but doesn’t want to admit it
He already has someone else. Don’t try to talk to him about it. Contact an attorney and file.
Just let him go. He’s already found someone else.
He has someone else…
Let him go then file for divorce and child support. Change your passwords also to everything that belongs to just you.
Stand with your self love… and the love for your children… teach them this is NOT how to treat or be treated… and pull together… get all the proof you can that he’s cheating… even any odd charges on the credit card statements for the last couple of years, and file for your separation, get your child custody in writing, and financial house in order.
Sounds like he’s already moved on or he’s been cheating. Let him go, contact an attorney file for divorce and move on. Prayers for you
Oh baby, this is a blessing mama!!!
It’s time to wrap it up and leave. He’s saving you years of heartache.
I’m so sorry. It seems like he’s found somebody else from reading this. Best to try to move on. But I know it’s easier said than done. Hugs
I know it hurts, but let him go. You can’t fight for a relationship one sided. Now is the time to fight for yourself and your children’s future. Lawyer up, file for divorce and plan plan plan. Don’t let him blind side you with anything else. You are strong. You can do this. And I PROMISE you one day the pain from this will be gone and you will feel so free and so good. Take it day by day.
Sorry baby but he’s already found someone else, cut your losses, you and them baby’s deserve better … good luck
Do not fight. He is cheating and wants to make it your fault. Please go to a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row and take that cheater to the cleaners.
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to work on it? You cant work on it by yourself. It takes two in a marriage and basically you’re already single because he’s not interested in fixing it. He may already be cheating and he’s said he’s done.
Its heartbreaking and i feel for you. You deserve love and your kids need to see it as well.
Time to get out. Love the other advice here… document everything and hire a lawyer.
He has someone else.
If he doesn’t want to try counseling he’s made up his mind. Him changing passwords on things means he’s found someone else or he’s actively looking for someone or something else.
Often time people make choices when they’re younger about what they THINK their life should be and then when they realize it’s not what they thought they bail. Sounds like he thought having kids young was the right thing to do but then figured out real quick he should have waited and now he’s unhappy with the marriage (probably feels stuck or like he didn’t get to sow his wild oats) and the kids (same thing, feels stuck and too much responsibility too fast)
Sorry this is happening…it sounds like you really do love and care for him. It also sounds like he made a lot of dumb mistakes that’s he’s now regretting which unfortunately you are apart of so he’s not only making himself unhappy he’s destroying your life as well.
Girl what u NEED TO DO RN is don’t give him the attention. Don’t do it. Give it to yourself. Make urself look hott af smell good and feel good inside no matter how hard it will be just try. Once he sees that his man brain will be like oh crap what’s going on she’s not wallowing in distress. It’s bs and only once u do this he will start to see what’s right infeont of him. Men suck like this. But if u want him back I promise work on yourself and everything will work out.
Lawyer. Today. For not just you but those kids. Write down and keep a journal of everything that happens. Also know what money you have where and check all his bank accounts before he cuts you off from them. He’s getting ugly - protect yourself. You can cry tomorrow and grieve over the marriage you thought you’d have but today focus on protection