I feel my boyfriend isn't taking any steps to better our future: Advice?

He doesn’t seem to be that into you. I know it hurts but better to find out now than waste more time.

Talk to professionals and your partner about the situation instead of random strangers on Facebook.

1 Like

Not being disrespectful, but sounds like ur good enough to him for sex but not life. I would move on

3 Likes

Back away see if he misses you if doesn’t see you as a possible future learn now

If you’re not on the same page change books

I feel like to many people jump into things to fast now a day’s and then a few years down the line when there kids involved they realize that this isn’t right for them and end up splitting.

He’s not the one then

Cut your losses now and move on.

Sounds like he’s looking for a sugar mama

Move on he is playing yo

Don’t waste your time!

It’s been a year and he’s not willing to discuss it’s because he’s not going to. Dump him and move on.

over a year???of course he isnt ready and if its a long time to you and you want other just do your thing without him

You’re either in or out ……
you either need the next step
Or not

If he’s not willing
It’s time to move on ….

Sound like he using you

Does he tell you HE LOVES♥️YOU!!!
I was in a relationship
Like that, b4 I met my hubby & WALKING AWAY WAS THE BEST THING EVER DID!! That’s when I met hubby & we’re in our 35th yr ogether!! I was 28 when I met him!! I’d GET OUT HON!! luscious had CAN’T or WON’T DISCUSS THIS IS YOUR REAL CLUE!!
BE HAPPY!!:hugs:

Sweetheart sounds like he’s not ready for responsibilities or commitment. I’d move on without him. Just my opinion…

Outgrowing people is completely normal.

2 Likes

if man really want u sure, he will be the one asking u to marry him and build a family.

He wouldn’t be spending the night.

He’s a completely immature, autonomous, not fully developed adult. This behavior is ridiculous and you will be miserable if you keep wasting time on him. Not judging you, I have LIVED it. Absolutely end this relationship, there is no future, only heartache.

3 Likes

Leave him and better your future yourself for yourself.

Don’t push him to do things he doesn’t want …. Simple as that . One year isn’t a long time at all . And if he’s not the only talking about it don’t bring it up you’ll push him away more .

1 Like

A year is not a super long time at all. That’s just the beginning, so to him it may actually feel rushed. Everyone moves at their own pace, so you should only take others experiences with a grain of salt. If he is good to you and shows you that he loves you, then maybe you should try to understand where he is coming from a little more. There is no sense in rushing anything. Just take it as it comes and go with it. If you cannot accept it and you want things to move on your terms then you probably should do you both a favor and end it.

I’d tell him you either talk about it or it’s over. You HAVE to talk about your future in a serious relationship because you need to know that you have similar ideas for the future. Having kids, getting married, where you live, they’re all things that a differing opinion could literally make or break your relationship. Don’t waste your time on someone who’s incompatible, you can’t get that time back and, sadly, women have to be more aware of our biological clock if we want kids

Don’t stress about it
Things will fall into place.
I been with my boyfriend since age 22 and we moved in together at age 27. 2 years later we are now parents. Sometimes the other partner is not ready and if you love him respect their decision.
Also a kid is not going to fix a relationship or make you have a family.
There’s nothing bad with having kids at 30.

1 Like

In this whole super long text not once did you say you even LOVE him. You feel like he’s qualified enough to marry and have a family with but you already know that this relationship will not last long. Stop trying to fit him in your future. He’s not your Mr. RIGHT. He’s just right here, right now.

He doesn’t want to be a husband . Let alone a dad. You are NOT compatible then.

I feel like he should be able to at least say if HE wants marriage or children in the future in general. Not specifically with you, just in general so you can know if it’s worth sticking around or not. If those are options he doesn’t even want in his future, you waiting another yet just to move in isn’t going to do anything for you and your future but waste your time because you do want those other things. If he’s around your same age he should be mature enough to communicate. His lack of communication on any kind of part is a red flag. It’s showing how he’s going to communicate with you in the future. Personally, I’d try having one more serious conversation and if he still can’t even give that vague of an answer I would cut my losses. You cannot force someone to be ready or to want something they don’t want.

What’s wrong with starting a family at 30?! You act like you’re old and decrepit! And, who you trying to convince that you aren’t forcing a marriage with kids?? YOU ARE! He doesn’t want you that way because you won’t listen to what he needs to move forward. You only have YOUR agenda to fulfill! You’re NOT ready for that step…you think you are, but your behavior shows otherwise.

1 Like

Sounds to me like he isn’t ready and you’re pushing him. Moving in is a huge step, and you’ve only been together a year.

A tear isn’t that long. Also, good lord just let him have some time. Everyone navigates relationships differently. You are also accepting of this. If it’s not what you want, don’t stay. You sound rather clingy.

Maybe he don’t want kids …he don’t want the responsibility …seems to me either give him some kind of time limit to at least discuss it …

He may not be ready for that stuff. Either accept that or find someone with the same future plans as you.

I feel like a year is such a short time. You said you’re 27 but you haven’t said how old he is?
From the way you’ve written this post (which of course things always get read the wrong way) it seems to me, like for you “settling down and having babies” is your main goal. And something you desperately want. If I can sense that from your post I’m sure he can sense it from you to! And I bet it’s scares the shit out of him! And if he is scared it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a future with you. It’s a massive thing!! Literally! There could be many reasons!
Most people on this post are putting him down!
But have you considered that perhaps he’s not ready for all of that big stuff just yet… and he’s worried about having the conversation with you because he fears you might give him an ultimatum or leave him?

Slow down! I’ve been a single mum! It’s not easy!! I’m also 35 with a 3yr old and it’s amazing! :heart: you’re still young! Don’t put so much pressure on things or yourself x

Are you in love with the idea of having that planned out future you described or are you in love with him? Let it ride. Making plans in life never works out.

He already showed you how much you mean to him. He’s not ready and if you pressure him into being ready you’ll end up a single parent. He’s not the one.

Stop letting him sleep over
If that’s what he wants. Tell him you will be ready at a certain time. Go out. He can spend money.
Then take you home. Good night

1 Like

Nope. Cut this boy loose. He will never commit to you, or to being a father to any children you might have. Bye, boy!!

I stopped reading after the first few sentences.

You have been together a YEAR! He doesn’t want to discuss it because he isn’t ready. No matter what you say he won’t be ready until he wants to be. Nagging him won’t help either, he will bolt.

If he isn’t what you want then leave. Dont stick around thinking you can change his mind, all you will do is push him away with your nagging about a future and living together. He’s 27! I wasn’t looking for marriage or kids at 27 either.

1 Like

Honestly you don’t want to start a family with someone who’s hesitant about even discussing things with yiu trust me you’ll be raising him and your family alone

Um he technically doesn’t live with you so the rent is your responsibility. These things do take time as well. I was with my kids father 7 yrs before I had our first. He may feel pressured about these topics.

Just move on and plan with someone else. It’s not you. Y’all just have different end goals at the moment

In my lifetime, when a man truly loves a woman he is with her and wants to commit. When he doesn’t, he makes excuses.

You are wasting your time sweetheart. He just wants sex for free and you are that easy target. Just do what I do and start going out with your friends and have you own time away from him. Don’t be available to him all the time. And don’t reply to his text messages straight away. Let him know that you are considering dating other guys to see who is better compatible for you. The rest is upto him, isn’t it?

After only a year? Add two more before you start thinking about marriage and babies.

1 Like

Hes not living with you. He’s not obligated to help pay rent until he does move in with you

Set a deadline stick to it
Ur settling there are others he’s not the only male
Be faithful to you

Darling, if you can’t discuss your future, that’s all the confirmation you need.

1 Like

He’s not looking for commitment. Do not waisted anymore if your precious time

You’re his placeholder gf. If you want to marry within 2 years, move on

Well? You are just being a WELCOME mat. Girl, stop wasting your time! Move on.

Drop the rope on this dude

Hope you find the one :black_heart:

1 Like

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdw5wAB9/

Throw the whole dude away!!!

I laugh only cause I feel you , no advice I’m struggling too

:clap:t2:Get​:clap:t2:a​:clap:t2:new​:clap:t2:MAN​:clap:t2:

Look up RC Blake’s on YouTube

First advice. No sex before marriage. He will not respect you with your plan. Consider getting into a Christian church and joining a woman’s group where you can find a mentor. I say this as a sinner only saved by the grace of Christ.

1 Like

Congrats. You have a man-baby. Its a boy.

Reverse psychology! That’s all I will say!:heart::blue_heart::purple_heart::purple_heart::grin::bangbang:

If I was you I would start building your future for you. Set goals financially and worry about you! :heart:

5 Likes

If he’s not prepared to even discuss it I think you are wasting your time I would cut your kisses and say goodbye .You are very clear about what you want and it sounds like he doesn’t share your dreams.Say goodbye and give yourself the chance to be with someone who shares your wants Good luck.

A year is not very long. Some take longer than others for next steps. But if he’s not giving you what you need, it’s time to leave. You both deserve to be happy

I was with my husband for 5 years before he asked me to marry him. We’ve been married for 3 years now. I kid and expecting our second. The only thing I would say is if he’s hesitant but does it because he loves you, he might not be helpful with the kids or housework.

I dated a guy like that. We’d been dating about a year and I finally twisted his arm and made him talk to me about us moving in together. We’d taken things very slow up to that point. Within a year, we’d bought a house, gotten engaged, I got pregnant, and we got married :joy::joy: force the conversation and be prepared for the results!

1 Like

it’s ok for him not to be ready but for him to not even be capable of a conversation is a red flag

“I dont want to wait until 30”

3 yrs isnt gonna make a difference.
I had my first at almost 28 and I’m almost 36 now and just had baby #3 8 months ago.

Write down a 5 year plan, show it to him and get his opinion. It’s worth a shot but at the same time, y’all have been together for a year, known each other for who knows how long and he’s not putting any effort in as far as a future together with you. My husband proposed after we’d only been together for 3-4 months and we got married 2 months later. We’ve been married for 2 years now and have a beautiful 19 month old little girl. Granted, I keep asking him if he only married me bc I was pregnant and he said me being pregnant had nothing to do with his decision.

don’t give him any more of your time. Your time is precious!! Do you and built your own future without him. He is not the one!! Just because he said he sees you in his future it don’t mean you’ll be standing by his side with a ring or a family.
Distant yourself from him and move on up…good luck

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel my boyfriend isn't taking any steps to better our future: Advice?

Have an honest conversation saying you want to move forward. Give him some time to think about it and if he’s not ready, break up and move on. There are other men out there you can meet that are ready for the types of things you are. You never know, he may have a change of heart. :green_heart:

5 Likes

Sounds like you both want different things. Don’t waste years on him and find someone who really values you.

8 Likes

I had the exact same problem…together 2 years and he refused to even think about moving in together…and I left…we obviously wanted different things at that time and I wasn’t willing to wait hoping that one day he’d be ready. Found my amazing husband 6 months later and now we’ve been together 11 years, married for almost 7 years and have 3 beautiful little ones. The guy I broke up with is still single today

30 Likes

You cannot force your boyfriend to move in with you
You dating a year and he is not ready for that type of commitment.
Seems like you more concerned that you’re getting older and expect to do things by a certain age.
Life doesn’t work that way.
Yes drop the topic …

7 Likes

Id be looking for someone that wanted similar things as myself if hes in late 20s and doesnt know then i cant see
It happening any time soon. Seems to show Little interest. He seems immature for his age if you cant see your self together and hes not fulfilling your needs/wants/ life goals maybe its time to move on and find some one thats wants the same :woman_shrugging: only you can choose but thats what id do x good luck x

4 Likes

I’m sorry but most guys when they know they know. I would be very cautious. Living with his parents and not even considering living on goods own it doesn’t seem that he’s ready to be responsible for himself much less a wife and child

16 Likes

You are 27, an adult. If you dont see this guy stepping up and he isnt the picture of who you envisioned spending your life with, cut your loses and move on. People can definitely commit after a year. He is full of excuses and sounds very immature

28 Likes

Hes not ready. You have to decide if you want to wait till he is

7 Likes

Been there, i was stable and wanted to settle down by 25 but see no effort from the guy. So i told him I am not gonna wait for you forever… If you don’t have any plans before i turn 25, I’M OUT! Still, nothing happened… so I LEFT!! Best decision ever! Byeeee!! :wave::wave::wave:

26 Likes

He has no responsibilities with the current arrangement, financial or emotional. He’s made it very clear, he doesn’t want any type of commitment. Move on!

2 Likes

Not seeing him as a commitment kind of guy. Sounds like he’s comfortable just as things are and wants nothing to do with changing. I think you know your answer it’s just hard to accept.

36 Likes

Tell him you will continue to date him but no more over night stays or sex until he knows what he wants. Kind of sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to if he’s in the mood Life is to short, to many respectable men that want the same as you.
Good luck on your new adventure.

9 Likes

Went through something similar, I settled and stayed and we ended up going our seperate ways after 5 years. He always said he wasn’t opposed to marriage and also wanted me to pay half the rent and bills and groceries and he made more than me when we lived together. I finally had enough and was done. It felt like more of a roommate situation than an actual relationship. I left.and never looked back and have found a man that I adore and I know he is in it for the long haul. Don’t ever settle its not worth it.

11 Likes

I got pregnant at 30 and had my son at 31. There is nothing wrong with that. Also a man who wants to be in and cares about the future of your guys relationship should be able to talk about “the future of your guys relationship” period! He doesn’t want to talk about it because he can not envision it. Hunny please be careful. This does not sound healthy. It sounds like he is just waiting for a better one to come along :pensive:. Be strong sis. You got this!!!

9 Likes

Don’t give up on what you want out of life, or change /settle for anyone. Sometimes you can care for someone but your paths are only met to cross for a little while not forever. There are major life choices that if you do not agree on then point to maybe there not the right person:) life is short if a family is important to you soon don’t waste time with someone that doesn’t seem to interested in the same things you are

7 Likes

Does he have his own place that he pays rent at also? Or does he live at home with his parents?

Sometimes those guys don’t want to leave the nest and be responsible. If that’s the case then that’s the problem. If he has it made at home he’s going to stay there lol

11 Likes

You should not be doing all the planning. It’s a partnership. If he fails you fail. If you succeed he does.Both of you should be on the same page 100%. if you read your question a couple more times, you did answer it. And only you know how much harder you want to try and put up with.

2 Likes

Unless you want him to be another child to look after I’d say you need to be up front and honest about what you want… one year is definitely not a long time but if you already know what you want 20 years isn’t either.

If he isn’t mature enough to have the conversation he never will be, and if he don’t want fam/marriage with you now he never will. Probably a good idea to have the Convo on the first date just to save a lil time :woman_shrugging:
#sorrynotsorry #getoutsis

9 Likes

Either be happy a day at a time or move on. He is not ready to commit!

1 Like

Most of the time if a man truly loves you and sees a future with you, he will make it happen! He also won’t drag his feet either. Men typically go after something they want with their all! Maybe he’s not where he wants to be at in life when it comes to starting a family? Also don’t fret about starting at 30…. Had my son at 30! There is plenty of time!

9 Likes

I feel like he isn’t sure about you so he’s just staying there because he is kinda ok in the relationship but he knows your not THE ONE. I think you should find someone else who is more on your level and who is certain about you and wants to plan out a life not just be ok for today

6 Likes

He is just using you to fulfill his needs.

6 Likes

I’d really need to know more information to give my opinion, but I would feel like maybe he doesn’t think that you are the person that he sees himself spending the rest of his life with, or it could just be that he may never want to marry ANYONE!

1 Like

If it’s been a year and he doesn’t want to talk about it? That’s not a good sign. Usually you know when you know and it definitely doesn’t take a year…

3 Likes

People treat you the way you allow them to. I learned the hard way.
Time to say goodbye :wave:

11 Likes

Doesn’t sound like u 2 have the same goals. If u can live in a wait and see what happens, then continue as u are. If not, maybe its time to move on. Only u can decide what u want for your future.

2 Likes

I think that I am able to see this from all points of view - why? Because I am also someone who is hesitant to make or talk about plans. However, I think that it’s for an entirely different reason than your boyfriend. Once, I was in your shoes… thinking that it would be “late” or “awful” to have my 1st child at 30 or after. Guess what? I ended up having a couple miscarriages and discovered I had a hormonal issue. I was 30 when I finally had a successful pregnancy and birthed my son just a couple of months before my 31st birthday. Looking back, I am just happy that I was able to have my son. I didn’t know years prior that I wouldn’t have the “success” stories that a lot of other women have. I also used to think that children after 35 is a bad idea. I am turning 34 this year, and am more than open to having a child after 35. I thought it was “too risky”. It’s interesting how experiences completely change your viewpoint on things. Don’t put a timeline on things. I don’t want to interpret how he feels for you because there are a TON of interpretations I could make based on the information that you have provided. I think that you need to ask yourself if you’re ok with not having the level of communication that you’d like to have over the topics that mean the most to you. Someone who cares about you would recognize the importance of this communication and make some adjustments. Good luck!

1 Like

It’s only a year. Give it time. Rushing into things usually doesn’t end up right. Slow and sure!

3 Likes