I don’t know if this is really advice or reassurance I am needing.
I’ve been with my S/O a little over 3.5 years. He’s a great guy. We were just friends when I ended up getting pregnant. We was just friends during that time because I had just got out of a very manipulative relationship a few months prior and wasn’t ready. I had plans to move out of town and thought when I got pregnant this was my sign to stay. My child is probably the best thing to ever happen in my life and I’m forever thankful to god that he gave him to me when he did. With that being said, I wanted to give my baby the chance to live in a home with his mother and father. I thought I would learn to love him in a way more then just friends. Because relationships are hard and sometimes you’ve got to fight to love someone…
When I gave birth I realized I did love him a little more because I seen how much love he had for our son. We’ve never really connected on a mental, or spiritual level which has lead to a lot of problems in other areas.
I told him a few months back that I wasn’t in love with him. I love him because he is my fathers son, and he is hands down a phenomenal father. He stepped up and really started helping me around the house and what not, but I think I’ve done talked myself out of it all. I’m not happy, I get no satisfaction in the relationship. He doesn’t communicate with me. It’s always just “ok.” It’s to the point when I’m driving home after picking up my son I’m dreading to go because I’ll have to interact with him and it makes me feel like a horrible person.
How do I go about saying I’m just done? How do I disrupt my 3 year old life when he loves his daddy more than me most days? How do I live with the guilt that he’s not a bad man, a bad father, he doesn’t abuse me, would give the shirt off of his back to a stranger, but I don’t love him? I am having a really hard time with this. I keep telling myself my life isn’t that bad. I worked my ass off to try and help him to become more responsible and get a good head on his shoulders.
Thanks guys, don’t eat me alive. I’m already doing it to myself.
Maybe let him have primary custody and you can move to your own place.
What do u want perhaps therapy would help you get in touch with that it may not be him🤔
And give me his number…no serious, most women would do anything for a man like that… this makes no sense to me … u need help
You get out what you put in… Both sides. Gotta be honest and say it sucks for kids when you part ways and angst seems to follow for ALL the family involved, but no one needs to remain where they aren’t at least liked.
Let him go so someone who deserves him can have him. If your thinking the grass is greener on the other side you need to stop and try watering your own grass first. The best marriages start out as friends. Sorry to be blunt but it’s the truth. Don’t be the women that makes him resent others after you
Couples that uncouple share custody all the time. Maybe live separately and each have time with your child. Your friendship with the father might become more comfortable under those circumstances….but to get there some open, honest communication will be needed. Maybe the support of a therapist would help?
1 don’t give him primary custody just because ur not in love with him & 2 you can’t help feelings they are there or not!! Maybe try a weekend away just u 2 try connect give it one last shot if you still feel the same then least you have tried your best.
Also your son will see his dad often just not living in the same house a lot of family’s break up but don’t mean ur a bad person or parent keep ya head up things will get to were they need to be xx
You should keep him in your life, even though you don’t love him anymore it will benefit you and your son later on down the track.
There is nothing better for your son than to have his mama happy! It’s sad for your husband because he will have to deal with the change but you BOTH deserve to be happy and be in love with the person you’re married to. It will be really hard at first but you will be grateful you did it. Just be a straight shooter and tell him you can’t do it anymore. You’re just not happy and you wish it was that easy but it’s not. That’s how I did it.
If you don’t connect with your husband idk why anyone would want to stay. Hopefully you both can work it out and raise your son together as great friends but living separate lives. 
The best thing you could do for yourself and for him is to sit down and be honest, no matter how scared or apprehensive you may be about the conversation, it’s the responsible thing to do and it’s fair to him and if you truly have any love for him at all…you have to set him free. Work on maintaining a friendship as you had prior to the relationship so you can both co parent in a healthy manner.
Do you love yourself, that’s first and foremost the most important question you need to answer. Once you figure that out, the answers to your questions will be apparent. From what you said he’s trying, but not how you think he should with housework and helping. Communication is key and sometimes you just have to be blunt. After all is said and done and you’re still not feeling it, be kind and let him go find someone that will love him. Your son will be fine with 50/50 custody and will adapt, he’s lived and cared for by both parents
It seems you married him for the wrong reasons. Which I understand. You can’t continue in a loveless relationship because as you child get older they are going to know. Staying with him and not loving him isn’t fair to you or him. You both deserve real love. You can still give your child a good life by coparenting . It’s better to cut the ties while your child is young. Don’t beat yourself up. You can’t help how you feel. Good luck .
Then leave, let him move on… No point staying miserable its not doing anyone any favours
NO one has to be in a relationship that they’re not happy in. There’s NOTHING wrong with not being in love with someone and there’s NOTHING wrong with not living with you child’s other parent. People trying to make you feel bad or like there’s something wrong with you because you don’t have feelings for your baby’s father. TF? Don’t let anyone tell you there’s something wrong with you for not feeling a certain way. Tbh, some of these responses just sound desperate. There’s NOTHING wrong with OP. But maybe there’s something wrong with these rude a$$ people responding.
There isn’t many good guys left out here. I promise u that. Took me 51 years to find a good man
I see nothing wrong here. You made the decision now make the decision right.
Quit sleeping with your so called friends. It’s not fair to him or that innocent child. Buy yourself a vibrator instead!
Love Language, you gotta find each other’s love language, you guys start filling each other’s love banks and that feeling goes away
Communication is two way. Leave your son with his grandmother and give yourselves the chance to talk…get all the hard stuff on the table…learn to compromise. You both will probably feel better for and can either agree to work together or part
Girl if you don’t love him leave while you’re child is still young y’all might just be the best co parents just not relationship wise don’t think you need too be with him because he a good guy good father etc you only got 1 life. Y’all can still be good together just not together!! Don’t let that go over some of y’all heads.
Do it now or you’ll be saying this for the rest of your life.
If you told him you just came out of an abusive relationship then more fool the both of you and I hope you both behave proper for your child
If you didn’t tell him then you lady should relinquish responsibility of your child to his Dad
Unless he prefers something different
Awful situation
Speaking from the perspective of a child who grew up in a household where my parents stayed together because it was the “right thing to do”. Get out and co-parent. I cannot stress how much a child will pick up on the fact that parents are not happy. It may not happen today or tomorrow but it will happen.
Also you are setting the example for your child on what a relationship should be like.
U said it…im done…dont stay together because of a child soooo many do that and are miserable…no one died he can still see mom and dad…do whats best 4 u…in the long run that negative vibes ur getting will effect you son
You don’t have to be together and can still be civil co-parenting. It worked for me
This is so sad for the child. Now she will divorce the dad for him doing nothing wrong just her not loving him, the dad will get to see his son who he obviously adores probably every other weekend and be required to pay hundreds of dollars every month in child support. This is a shit situation. You should seriously think about your child and what a divorce would do to him. I could understand if your husband was mentally or physically abusive or controlling but with what you’ve said you’re basically spoiled you’ve gotten tired of him.
I think you should go to therapy. And I am not saying this in a mean way. We should alllll go to therapy. The world would be a better place if we did lol.
One of the later stages in love is falling out of it. Its easy to do when you get in the day to day routine. Especially with a child, you lose sight of yourself and your relationship. Love isn’t always butterflies and happy times. Sometimes it requires work. We have to make time with our spouses. Voice your opinion on more needed communication. Take time to date. I feel like so many marriages end today because people don’t want to put in the hard work when things aren’t easy anymore. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be happy, but give it another try or more time. Ultimately the decision is yours to make. You should think about what would be best for all. Maybe it’s just a funk and will pass, maybe it’s not. But you will have to be the one to make that decision, and you will also be the person that has to deal with the consequences. Maybe see a counselor. It seems like a tough situation. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do. I hope all works out well.
You know, maybe that whole thing about being married to the person you have kids with wasn’t a bad idea…
And this is why u dont move quickly.
When there comes a time when you would get just as much out of the relationship if you weren’t there, then there is no reason to stay. If the only reason you are there is for the father/son relationship, then you are doing all three of you a disservice. Go and make your own life and keep the father in the picture for his son. Move on.
Seems like a pattern with women after child birth. Let me guess you also what to go out with your friends like you use to and you are depressed and if you are taking Anti depressants I blame them stop taking them. Suck it up you will get over it and regret leaving him in the long run
Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. Marriage is a vow you took before God. Marriage is a COMMITMENT.
Alot of judgemental people in here 
life’s too short to be unhappy. Do what’s best for you and your child. Think long and hard before you make a decision though cause once you choose to leave him there’s no going back to the way things are.
I think a good starting point is to firstly have a conversation with your partner explain what’s wrong and look at counselling it sounds as though he would be a good dad regardless of the relationship so of your willing the best way to start is honest conversation and counselling if that doesn’t work it will hopefully give you reassurance in your decisions for yourself you really have to separate your relationship from your partners relationship with your child and work from there
To love or not is a choice and it’s on you to decide how to choose.
Would you both be alright with being roommates and raising ur son? Let ur bf know that u think he is a great father, person, hard-working, etc., and let him know again u are not in love with him, but perhaps u can be roommates and raise ur son together. If that is not a possibility, then please let ur bf, soon to be ex, have more time with ur son than just every other weekend. Keep ur door open, so he can come visit, with him giving u a head’s up. U will find this will be extremely beneficial for all, but especially ur son. Maybe u could have shared custody. Yes, it is possible. Worked for me and my ex. And he was evil (to me). But it worked. Anyway, I hope u can both work out some type of arrangement to co-parent. Whether u stay in the same household or not. I wish u luck.
I think marriage counseling would be a good idea as a first thing to do, before you tear apart your family.
Don’t listen to any of these negative comments. You are here because you are listening to your heart and your gut, which are saying don’t settle! You tried to do a good thing for your son but we make so so many sacrifices for our kids. Your happiness in a relationship should not be one of them. I would disentangle myself from him romantically. Stay friends and keep allowing him to be a great dad to your son. Take some time for yourself and see how you feel with the space from him. Then when you are ready, keep looking for the great love of your life 
Ooooh the judgment in this thread! I certainly hope all the perfect people here are never in a similar situation.
Girl…communicate with him and at the very least ATTEMPT counseling before jumping ship. If it fails then that conversation about separating and coparenting needs to be had. Life is too short to be unhappy and waste it with someone who makes you dread being in your own home.
I honestly can tell you that being married or being in a relationship and not to be loved is the most hurtful thing to experience.
Then the kids come along and you have to put the betterment of the child/ children first.
Once it’s not a hostile environment it will be bearable.
I experienced what he’s facing and it literally destroys you.
If you honestly feel it will become a hostile environment either by you or him
For the sanity and well being of the innocent child, call it quits.
Only you know honestly how you feel and at the end of the day only you can decide everyone’s future.
I commend your honesty and strength to come forward and seek help/ advise.
At the end of the day, it’s a tough decision that only you can make.
Good luck in your quest
Most marriages end up with you becoming good friends hot love can’t last l hear what you are saying but it really is a case of the grass isn’t always greener on the other side what you are looking for might never happen do you really want to throw away what you have for the unknown there’s as lot of lonely women out there who would give anything for what you have try spicing things up arrange some fun date nights let your hair down live a little
If you’re that unhappy and don’t love him then you’re not only robbing yourself of love, but him as well. Staying in a relationship just for the sake of a child always does more bad than good. You already made up your mind that you want to go so you should just go and give yourself and him the chance for real love and happiness. As long as you coparent effectively your child will be fine and young enough where he won’t even remember you guys being together in a few years
You “love him because he’s your fathers son”!? So he is your brother??
This is not good because friends don’t hurt each other they help each other how would you feel if he felt like that about or someone did that to your little sis or bro think about it real good because you to got to put work in it to make it fun let him go he’ll fine someone else and make her happyand start a new family you’ll feel bad because your son won’t have his real dad because there no real men out there but if you want to support a man who probably be a wife beater don’t like your son who knows?
I think love somehow fizzles out, it’s the familiarity and getting used to the other person, that sometimes help to stay together…if you think of it as a long haul thing, believe me it will turn out to be, maybe the thing you’re searching for is already there.
I suggest counseling first and foremost. Not to ‘fix’ anything and change how you feel about him, but see if this is a viable future together or if separately living lives is better for all parties involved.
You are the AH and should leave. That kid deserves at least one decent human as a parent, and you aren’t it. How self centered does one have to be to rip a child’s loving home apart because you don’t “feel” what you think you should. If freedom is what you want. You should walk away and not look back. The poor child will figure you out someday, hopefully.
I’m just here to say to the 90% if you judging people… more fool you! I really hope all your relationships are absolutely perfect with no faults at all.
Parents supporting parents… LOL!! This thread has just shown that’s a load of bull.
Be kind? LOL!! 90% of you don’t know what kind is.
How awful of you all!
My mum and dad stayed together for the sake of me and my sister right up until I was 16… let me tell you, that was a fucking awful situation for us. You could see they didn’t like each other. The silent treatments. Not eating together as a family cos they didn’t wanna be in the same room. The arguments. The awkwardness. No child deserves to be in that environment! If you’re not happy, leave. Your child will still have 2 parents. They’ll have 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, 2 homes, 2 lots of love just at separate times!
You do you girl… and fuck these judgemental people on here. X
If you dont love him staying just for the child could actually hurt the kid mentally in the long run. Your kid will see you in a loveless marriage. He may think its normal and repeat the cycle. Leave and save both of you the heartache and stress.
Would couples counseling help if it’s just a communication issue?
Not communicating isn’t necessarily abusive but it’s definitely not normal. Whether it’s a reaction to what you said to him or not is kind of irrelevant. It’s not healthy
Start seeing a counselor. Don’t throw it away cause you might like someone more than him someday. You got married & had a kid. Every romantic type relationship turns to friendship. Spice it up & get a babysitter. Get out & pamper yourself. Tell him to surprise you & plan stuff together.
Honestly you sound very confused on what it is you want. I would recommend you get counseling on yourself and I feel the issue here is your not happy with yourself.
This is what happens when a woman sleeps around w/ her friends out of boredom. No one should have sex when there’s no love or commitment. Her intentions are impure and it’s so sad for the child that is procreated.
It doesn’t matter how good he us if you don’t love. Pretending is the worst thing you can do to someone who loves you. Sit down and had a real conversation with him about how you feel. Just becareful what you leave behind because good guys are not easy to find today.
Okay so I’m gonna get kinda personal here. My husband came to my telling me this. He said he wasn’t happy. He was miserable, we fight all the time and I nag him constantly etc. well I didn’t see it because when you’re the one inside, you don’t see yourself the damage you’re doing to your relationship. However, he told me he wanted to separate and be apart and I fought it every step of the way because we have too much to give up on. Eventually I left because I was sad and miserable being there too and we both were just not happy. Well, that time apart we both had a lot of time to think about what we really wanted and we decided to work things out. That “break” from our marriage, albeit, wasn’t very long, was just what we needed to re-evaluate and realize that we needed each other. I love him and he loves me and that’s all that it takes. Our relationship didn’t start out in love either. Honestly, we weren’t even really friends, just fell into each other and been together ever since. When you know, you know. And I knew since the moment I met him, he was my person.
Take some time apart from each other and evaluate everything. If you really don’t love him like you say you don’t, it’ll be easy to walk away. If it’s hard, you’ll know those feelings you say you don’t have are real. Good luck and I hope you get the happiness you’re looking for.
Maybe take some time away by yourself. Leave your little one with his Daddy while you sort yourself out. They have a good life. You could take yourself out of it whilst they manage on their own.
Some of the comments on here are disgusting.
Dont stay because you have to, stay because you want to.
You dont have to be in a relationship with the father to successfully raise your child together… co parenting is not a myth!
Be patient and kind and remember it may take longer for him to process as his feelings are different to yours, but you have to be honest for all of your sakes… I mean would you rather be happy and separated raising your child together or miserable and together? Also the child will pick up on all of this so daddy and mummy staying together when there is a significant problem and has been for a while is not in the best interests of the child at all.
Good luck.
Have you considered taking some time apart, like a trial separation? You may find that what you’re looking for, you already have. If not, you will find out what it takes to be on your own with a child. Sometimes, the old saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder, is true. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
If your not in love with him and see no future…let him go so he can find someone who will. It’s okay. You can Co-parent and become good friends again. I fell out of love with my son father after 6 yrs and still stood just to try to not have a broken home for my son. Guess what after the break up we Co-parent so well. No bitterness ova here at all. We became best friends. I would even try to hook him up with girls. Lol! I would of never trade him for the world. Now he is no longer with us. May he RIP. It can happen.
Love is not a feeling. It doesn’t have to include the craziness of infatuation. It’s a chosen commitment. The best definition of what love truly is I found in the Bible in the Love Chapter in Corinthians. It begins a few paragraphs before the chapter begins and ends in the next chapter afterwards. Doesn’t matter what, if any, religion or spiritual path you ascribe to, it’s the best definition I’ve ever found.
U either love or u don’t and if u don’t find someone u do love. Your not doing your son any good
Your son can still have a great relationship with his father if you two are not together. Your son will pick up on your unhappiness of you stay, so work out an amicable separation and shared custody and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and your son deserves a happy Mom
If you don’t love him why stay with him why marry him? Let him go to someone who will love him and let him have a happy life. He will still see his son you would just co parent. In the long run you are damaging him and that’s not good let him go
You should not made to feel guilty for not being in love with him, the best thing you can do is to be honest with eachother, because pretending will cause you so much time and energy, which you can use on your child instead. How about you discuss co parenting with your partner? You come to an agreement that you are both in the child’s life for the sake of the child, to love and both be the parents that he deserves but romantically you are both free to go out and date whoever you like
Don’t mind some of the comments here, they are truly horrible and shows they havent even understood what you are going through. Keep doing what is best for your child and YOURSELF don’t forget you x
Even if you were madly in love at the start there’s nothing to say you’d be madly in love now. Relationships are 50/50. To go into one thinking this is it for the rest of my life is actually dumb. It’s not real and that’s why people get hurt when things don’t work or when someone cheats because it breaks their ideal of forever.
People also grow apart so
You could have started as loves young dream and still be on this position today.
You’re beating yourself up but actually you know what you want and you just don’t want to hurt someone. You are not a bad person actually the opposite because you are aware of the other.
How you got together doesn’t matter, people have flings and NSA sex all the time it’s no biggie…. He also agreed to get involved in that without a firm relationship. Time is limited. If you are unhappy It is the kindest thing to you both to be honest - let it go for you and him. You can co-parent and it can work really well especially if you maintain a friendship. You will both be happier in the long run. He knows you aren’t happy and that will impact him. Relationships break up its life, not easy but there are no guarantees in life. You may also find that once you have that time that you do miss him more than you thought. The risk is that he may move on quicker than you think but that’s the risk! Stop beating yourself up and as you’ve seen there’s plenty of people willing to help you out with that so take no notice. At the end of the day, your child and his dads relationship won’t stop and if it is handled well you can still have a good relationship with him. To me that’s much better than your child growing up seeing his mom unhappy (even when you don’t think he does)
You should consider going for therapy because you jumped out of a toxic relationship into this one without taking time out to heal. This means that your heart is not open yet and that’s why you are unable to love or receive love. People in your life are yourself pushed out so it all begins with you, especially in relationships, you mirror each other. Work on your healing first before letting go of a wonderful man (as you say he is) because it’s a jungle out there. Love and light to you.
Don’t worry you going to really miss him in your next realationship when the guy you really really love is emotionally physically and mentally abusive good luck
The heart wants what it wants…there’s no need to feel guilty about that. There’s no reason that you can’t co-parent on good terms without being married/together.
It’s probably for the best interest of your child to do something now - because this will eventually just lead to resentment on both sides and that’s an environment you wouldn’t want your child in.
My parents openly hated eachother and only got married because my mother got pregnant with me. Unlike your situation, my father was an abusive drunk and all that fun stuff.
However, my mother had that same frame of mind where she believed that a child - especially a boy - needs a father…any father.
That misguided thinking put us all through hell until she finally left him when I was 15. But, by then the damage had been done.
My point being that if you let things be and never tell him how you actually feel, it’ll hurt far more later and perhaps spiral into a very toxic environment for you all later.
Wow i think some of the people commenting on here need therapy! All you can do is be honest with him and both do what’s best for your son it’s going to be bettet in the long run for your son to have 2 happy parents x
Sometimes relationships just don’t work… doesn’t have to be a bad reason for it. The fact you like him but don’t love him means you can still have a great friendship for your sons sake.
First of all never feel guilty for how you feel… The fact that he helps you around the house, he’s a good dad, he doesn’t abuse you etc… You shouldn’t be settling for less than this stuff anyway. He is not some golden prize because he does these things, and they won’t make you love him, feelings don’t work like that, they are way deeper. If you struggle to connect with him mentally, communicate with him, dread going home… Maybe there isn’t anything wrong with either of you it’s just as simple as that you just don’t click together. You’re not compatible. That’s nothing to feel guilty over, you are 2 individuals who don’t match well together. In a relationship you should bring out the best in each other and enjoy spending time together and if you’re not doing that, then maybe this relationship isn’t for you. Even if he’s a good person and so are you. Never feel guilty for that, go and find someone who you feel comfortable around and you want to come home to x
The more I’m in this group the more I’m disliking it I really am. Every post I see I don’t see genuine advice or support I just see people making digs. Granted the person asking the question is opening them self up to a whole world of opinions on the internet my opinion would be genuinely but the age old saying of if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. Like half these comments are simply just bashing not even like constructive an the very least. Get over yourselves!
How can you be telling this woman that it’s a her problem, that it makes no sense to you because he’s a fabulous man. That she should stick with him.
I’m not being funny that’s not what the post is about it’s about her asking for advice. The post is about how she can go about telling her man? Why are youse going on about something else?
How can you tell someone to stay in a relationship in which she isn’t IN LOVE with the other person.
Anyhow, my opinion….
I feel like you would be amazing co parents because you have that great relationship outside of your love for each other. You would be able to probably have a stronger relationship without the whole forcing of trying to be in a couple.
You both deserve happiness and you will eventually find it maybe not in each other but you will and the only way to do so is to let each other be free.
Your son will be better for it because he will always know mummy and daddy love him and they love each other and have a good relationship if you stay it will get worse as he gets older as he will want to spend time with his friends where you will be left in the house with your partner. Kids are intuitive he will see it early on and you don’t want to teach him he should stay in a relationship for the sake of making someone else happy or for keeping up pretences.
I feel like you can have an adult conversation with your partner in which you share custody 50:50 where you’re lucky is you genuinely get along with his father so for birthdays and things you can still do stuff together rather than him having him one year on his birthday then you the next. Maybe try and see if there is another group for co-parenting NOT this one and ask them advice on best ways to co parent as this one seems like it would bash you more than help you!
If you’re dead set on separating from him then just have that conversation with him, will it be hard? YES! Will it be the hardest thing you’ve probably had to do YES will it rip your head out YES but it needs to be done.
I don’t know how you feel but if you’re very good as friends why don’t you simply move out into a different bedroom and have a friends relationship with him but still live in the same house with your baby boy? That way neither of you miss a milestone you can depend on each other. Your son isn’t being carted from one house to another? Obviously this is only a mere suggestion I don’t know you and I don’t know other than what you’ve written in the post your family dynamics!
Sending love and hugs your way!
IMO and I have seen it happened. Staying when you don’t love him and not happy with him doesn’t make you a hero. You are just depriving both of you the chance to find real happiness with somebody else you truly love. The child still can have you both as parents just not together in one house. 
What an unfortunate situation people do make mistakes and poor decisions. Id say to be honest with him then share the child fairly (of course) it will hurt but itd be mean to let it go on longer and at least your child being so young wont remember you being a couple in a few years time. My children dont remember the break up at all and me and my ex co parent well. It hasnt always been this way but thats where we are now. Sounds like hes a good dad and reasonable man so id def respect him enough to be honest with him good luck xx
Think of it this way, staying in a relationship that has no love or communication is only going to make your son think this is the way it should be. You have both tried your best and will continue to love that wee bit but respect yourselves and each other and call it a day if your not in it. Life is too short x
Sometime and in some relationships… You can grow to love someone… If his a brilliant father and looks after you and you knows this… Maybe seek therapy for the previous relationship and so it can help you to recover and move on from past trauma. Best wishes
Couples counselling first potentially before you take the next step in either direction
Some people just aren’t meant to be together and that’s okay!! It will be okay, co parent the best you can, be respectful and move in peacefully
If you are happy your son will be happy. You can be great parents as friends. You will end up resenting him more if u marry him. Look after yourself first.
Awww bless you. I felt like you were describing my life. Its the hardest thing isn’t it to leave a good man for that reason alone? I don’t blame you. Even I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with a man I don’t love nomatter how good he is. But how to break it off is where all the issues come. Try what I did. I asked him for a day when we can sit down and talk about our relationship. Deep down he already knew in his heart that it was over. When he refused to acknowledge the breakup, I asked him sincerely if he thought I loved him like he deserves. That was food for thought and later he moved out and found a place down the road from us. Though it took him a long while to get over losing his family, it happened in the end. I still treat him like family and we are back to being friends again. He can visit the kids anytime with no restrictions. The kids are happier. He is happier and I’m happier.
The ONLY thing to do is follow your and gradually explain to your child each & every day how good his father is but you can’t be in a relationship with him! The more you explain and the more details you allow the child to hear, the more they will appreciate you giving them the mature, grown up reasons for any separation! Good Luck and God Bless! 
At 72 I am still trying to figure out what love is. My feelings are go to couples therapy and work it out either way from there. Best wishes.
I think you’re looking to blame him but this is on you. You slept with a friend and got pregnant … you figured you could learn to love him but you can’t… you want your child to grow up in a home with 2 parents … you made all these decisions and it seems he went along with it because he loves you or because he isn’t a douchecanoe to just abandon you. The 2 of you can coparent and stay friends and each having your own households may be the best thing for you both.
This is terrible. Marriage isn’t easy it’s a commitment. I find it hard to feel sorry for you when he’s such a great guy and dad. Ultimately you can’t live unhappy but it’s unfair to him to have to live with someone who doesn’t truly love him and that’s why I say leave. Help him dodge the bullet that you are and end things. It’s selfish to awaken love in someone, have a child, and a marriage and then just decide welp thanks for everything BYE. But he’s better off without you not the other way around. You made all these choices when you weren’t mentally in a place to make them and now you are going to hurt your son and husband. They are innocent in this! I would say try therapy but I truly believe that he doesn’t deserve to be with someone like you.
First and foremost- your last relationship seems to have damaged you. I have been in a previous VERY toxic/abusive relationship… it took me 10 yrs or so to heal from it (without any therapy) and to learn to LOVE MYSELF . (I should have gone to therapy or reach out to peope) when I learned to love myself- I became so much stronger than I ever thought I would be. Learn to love yourself first, because it can be very hard to reciprocate these feelings if you don’t. Maybe communicating your feelings would be best, maybe separation would be good for you both… not necessarily leaving all together. I hope you read my comment, and I want you to do what’s best for you. If anything, he was your friend before, sounds like a great dad- it sounds like he will be there for the little one no matter what.
You don’t just walk out of a manipulative relationship without battle scars. And they need to be dealt with before you can truly move on. He does sound lovely and honestly, it sounds like you guys could make it work. Why not look for a good psychologist to see if you can heal from your previous relationship and then take a clearer look at this one? What if you’re suffering from PTSD while trying to deal with all this? Seek help. And don’t go ditching him just yet… the good ones are rare
Hi love . Perhaps go to a therapist together. It’s possible to have a healthy relationship coparenting. But I think a therapist will help put everything out on the table with a mediator there. You may also want to include your child in it when they’re big enough.
What are you doing having sex with “just a friend”.You need to practice safe-sex the old way by putting a penny between your knees.It will keep you safe.
Johannes Kiewiets just to be clear, if you agreed that you can’t force love, then your original comment wouldn’t say what it did. People like you really shouldn’t be on support groups like this.
Children thrive when their parents are happy. You can still be good parents apart from each other.
If you don’t love him- you are doing far more damage by staying than being honest. You can still remain friends- and he will most likely always be in your life- so you better seek counseling to make coparenting work- but it’s just wrong to not be honest. The child will adapt as long as he is given love and attention- especially being that young.
I don’t know what your past romantic relationship was like e and if the men in those relationships were douchebags, reflect back on why you were with them and stayed before you finally decided to leave. And reflect back on your family history and how your parrnyts treated your each other, for example, was there domestic violence in the home growing up, did your father or mother drink excessively and was unkind to each other and the kids, one of your parents was emotionally unavailable, etc.
Then, we unintentionally recreate the same and choose someone we are attracted to just like one of our parents because it feels like home, that is, it’s familiar to us and we know how to react… We believe we can change them and realize we are not that powerful We end those toxic relationships finally .
And then meet someone you is kind, dependable, thoughtful, etc. A man who treats us well. And we wished that the other men in our previous relationships have these qualities. We also tell ourselves we deserve better
Now, here we are with a new relationship, we don’t feel a connection, a spark or have chemistry. that’s what we tell ourselves… Why we ask? Because it doesn’t feel like home, it’s unfamiliar. We don’t know how to react; therefore, we push that person away and tell ourselves, we are incompatible and end the relationship.
I’ve learned that having chemistry, a connection, a speak or being compatible, doesn’t last long…it fades over time… I’ve learned to know that difference between being attracted to someone because of a spark, connection or chemistry vs. someone who has the qualities I want in a man. I’ve also learned that happiness cones from within and no one else is responsible for my own happiness but me. I’ve learned to be with the unfamiliar . And I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own skin!!!
Ah parenting and marriage is hard work you after awhile aren’t Gaga in love anymore because marriage waxes and wanes people get involved in daily life it’s not all I’m head over heels in love every single moment of every single day I love my spouse very much and he’s a good person some days are harder than others you want that spark that romance and it takes two people when I was married to my first husband after 18 years we had date night went on mini vacations and tried to reignite that spark my current fiance we worked together he calls me on his breaks we attend church together we shop together and we go out and have fun all relationships take work
I wonder if you know what love really is? Are you expecting romance and thrills? I would agree with those who have suggested marital counseling for both of you. It can’t hurt and it will help if you are open to it.
Some of these comments are horrible, you can’t stay in a relation to please another person if your not happy and just lying to yourself every single day. if your little boys is loved by both and has a happy healthy life who’s to say it won’t happen if use weren’t together? maybe if you talk to him and tell him how you really feel he might understand and could possibly get on even better as fiends in the long run… a happy mum is a happy child!! Always do what you feel right. Telling someone you don’t love them is better than staying with someone and lying to them everyday🥰