I don’t know what to do. Last night my husband, our son and I went to a movie while my mom babysat our 6 week old and our 10 year old. He had a drink or 2 at the theater (they serve here) and when we got home he walked to the local bar. He came home after closing time and came to bed. He passed out but he had woken me up. I go to the washroom and while he was sleeping something in my gut told me to open his phone. Hes been texting another woman, the texts seem to indicate that they’re pretty deeply involved. It hurts to realize that this also had to be occurring while I was pregnant with our miracle baby. It hurt worse to know that she knows he’s married with a family. I had some inkling that this was happening because he’s not affectionate with me anymore. He doesn’t compliment me unless I ask him how I look. I’m the breadwinner. I’m smart I’m educated. I have not ever cheated on him but in my gut I know this isn’t his first time. I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken. Please be kind and give me real advice. I don’t want have alot of friends to ask for help here.
Listen mama, I want you to know first that you’re not alone, second that isn’t your fault…unfortunately you have to let him go… it will be hard and scary at first but it is what’s best…once you’re out on your own focus on you and your children…if u do decide to stay with him work at it while separated if nothing changes then you have to cut your ties
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my husband is cheating
I would save some money up and leave or kick him out. You are worth more then that. I have went through the same thing. Come to find out my ex made a baby with one of so called best friends. Take it one day at a time
Once a cheater always a cheater.
*something in my gut said snoop in his phone *something in my gut says this isn’t the first time… sounds like you need to change your diet lmao
Leave him!!! If u had enough of a feeling to check then as u mentioned u already knew. To cheat on u while u r pregnant which should be the happiest time in my opinion is unforgivable.
How much do you value your relationship? Then you need to ask him how much he values the relationship and find out what or if anything can be done to repair it.
Girl, you can do bad on your own. Fill out the divorce papers and have him sign them.
Leave him. I just found out this morning that my bf has been cheating also. If he does it once he will do it again. I’m not letting him steal my joy. Sweetie leave and leave fast
You already know the answer in your heart
Yout the read winner, smart educated…you already know there is nothing stopping you from leaving. Looks like having another baby with someone who you knew cheated before didn’t make him change his ways…if your offended by my comment…there must be some truth to it…GET OUT!!!
Get all your evidence in a neat little pile and bring it to your divorce attorney!
Kick his arse out, he will never change
Cut him off… financially and emotionally… make plans that don’t include him and give him no access to funds to make his own plans or even put gas in his car. If she wants him then she would get a broke sucker who is gonna have to figure some things out for himself beginning with how he plans to pay child support. You don’t owe him an explanation, just cut him off without saying a single word… because honestly, it sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too… he thinks he has it made… show him you’re no fool.
You’re smart,you’re the breadwinner,throw the whole man out!!Make sure you record everything for court.
Kick him to the curve!
Cheating is a problem on a lot of levels, he could bring home an STD and you especially don’t want that when pregnant. It is dangerous to cheat on people for a lot of reasons, it is a really bad thing to do. You make the money, I would kick his mooch ass out
Marriage is hard and worth fighting for… but you know this isn’t the first time and therefore you know he’s just going to do it again.
Start working on your exit strategy and get you and your babies out of there. They’re watching you and anything you accept, they’ll think is okay to do/accept with their future spouse.
You and your babies deserve the world - don’t settle for someone who doesn’t put you first
Wishing you the best of luck & Document EVERYTHING
I’ve been there. I know you want to hear something like, “Go to counseling,” or “Tell him to break it off and give him another chance.” However, I know from more than one past experience that most guys will cheat again if you give them another chance. I know it hurts, but the best thing you can do for yourself is leave the relationship. I’m glad to hear that you are financially able to provide for yourself and your children. The hurt will heal in time, and there’s someone else out there for you.
As hard as it may be to be done with him, you deserve SO MUCH better. Leave, learn how to be alone and love yourself.
Do the exact same thing you would advise your daughter or son to do in this situation if they came and asked your advice about the same situation.
Why is this even a question. He’s a cheater. He obviously doesn’t love you or he wouldn’t be cheating. Are you waiting on someone to say “stay” ? You’re the breadwinner. You are the BOSS. BOSS UP and go !
Once they cheat, it never stops. When theres no trust, it destroys everything. Hes got to go, why support his habits.
File for custody of the kids and a divorce.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You’re smart. You’re educated. You don’t need him. Don’t sit at tables where you’re not valued. Go sit with someone who knows what you bring to the table and values it.
Leave… he’s only holding you back! Let him have her! Sounds like 2 people without morals. Sorry but there’s no better place to be in than blossoming by yourself! I don’t mean be eternally single but do run (away) from any red flags you see & NEVER SETTLE!
The only advice I can give is let him know you know and ask him if he intends to keep seeing her. If the answer is yes then get the heck outta dodge. Tho me personally I would not be able to forgive and I’d absolutely be done.
Walk away hes not worth it your better off
Don’t leave. If you’re the breadwinner then that means a majority of the stuff in the house has been paid for by you. Kick him to the curb. There’s no sense in uprooting your children because of his infidelity.
Go, focus on you & the kids. Stand up for you & for them. He’s acting like a child, he’s not mature enough in this moment to be who you need. And you definitely don’t need the added stress if your carrying a miracle baby. Staying hurts worse than leaving.
You deserve so much better! This is your sign your true love is waiting for you, this man is not it.
It’s hard after giving birth, but you will definitely do better w/out him. He’s going to regret it later. Been there. There’s alot of fishes in the sea boo.
leaving is a great idea but you have kids so first, bide your time and plan! Figure out if you want to live in the same area. Find somewhere to live. Figure out a budget including day care. Make and plan and then work you plan. Once you have all the parts figured out then find a place to live and put you money down on it. Slowly start moving your stuff that he won’t notice. Then move when he’s not home! And file for divorce on the day you leave!
Obviously he can’t handle a woman like you, hence why he cheated, this is no fault of yours. He will only do it again. He is insecure and feels threatened. He seeked out a weak female to make him feel secure. Goes to show she is weak since she knew he had a family and was married. Leave, you will find someone you can be a team with. If you stay, it won’t be the same and you will always be resentful.
Get your affairs in order, take him off of any bank accounts, file for divorce and don’t give him a thing. Keep the house, he’s gotta leave and file for child support.
First, don’t leave, kick him out! Change the locks if you have too! Start documenting everything and divorce proceedings as soon as you have your evidence in place.
You and your children deserve better
You kick him out and file for divorce
I’m so sorry this happened to you! I know how terrible that feels. Please leave. Gather all your evidence before confronting him. Screen scot everything and then send them to yourself then delete. This will only help you if you live in a fault state. Either way, gather your evidence and consult a lawyer asap! Leave and secure yourself and your children financially. Work out a custody agreement and try to limit how much this affects your children as much as possible.
Get rid of him! I can assure you he will do it again. I spent almost 4 years rebuilding with mine and he turned around and did it again. Once he’s gone you will find out things you didn’t even suspect at the time! He’s trash; file him accordingly.
you already know what to do, you are just not ready to do it yet. We could tell you what to do all day but until you are ready it falls on deft ears. But please do it before he destroys you, and the kids
Like you said your smart, educated and also the breadwinner. Looks to me you don’t need the jerk. You need to leave because from experience he will keep on doing it.
I would get proof, screenshots etc for potential court evidence. Then tell him you know
Ask him to leave. This is not a healthy relationship for you or your children. And if she knows he has a family she is just a bad as he is. Tell him to go to her. Shut the door on this and focus on your children and yourself. And set boundaries with him.
Start setting money aside, compile evidence, look for another place to live or prepare to ask him to leave. If you no longer want to be married to this man then that’s what you need to plan for. If able, start to separate your finances now, have your paycheck go into another account so he doesn’t have access. Or most of it. See an attorney now and get guidance. Don’t confront him until you have your ducks in a row. If you would like to continue on with this relationship, you’ll have to sit down with him and talk about this. Seek relationship counseling from a third party and try to move forward. Be prepared that he no longer wants to continue with the relationship. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.
Get proof babe. And LEAVE. I forgave my boyfriend once. And he has showed me and proved to me hes changed and wouldnt do it again. And he know if he does. Im leaving. But it would have not been tolorated if we were married. Get the proof. And file for divorce
See a lawyer–Get some CASH so he can’t take all our money. Print out your bank statements so if he does you know how much he takes. Make a plan then LEAVE
First, take time for YOU and begin to give yourself MORE selfcare and focus on YOU and what you want for yourself out of life (excercise, vacation more, brunch with friends, learn a new hobby etc.) In that time, take the time to figure out what YOU want in a relationship and cross reference and see if HE meets the things YOU need or want in a relationship. From there, begin to align your life according to what you learned and decided to do next. This is not easy so take your time and don’t feel rushed to any decsision. Oh… and start THERAPY NOW for yourself!
Now that you know you have to make a decision. Do you stay knowing you’ll be unhappy and he’ll continue to cheat or do you leave and move forward with your life and have a better chance at happiness. The choice is yours, it’s your life. Good luck mama, it’s a hard decision to make.
If you love him and you think your marriage is worth saving give him another chance if not boot his ass out, you gotta look out for you and your kids! Hugs mama❤️
I’m so sorry this happened to you. A similar thing happened to me. It hurts but leave and you will come out on the other side of this better. Get your ducks in a row before you leave, get some advice from a lawyer. You’re going to be ok.
You already know what to do. You do not need none of our approval to do it.
Sorry you are dealing with this. Once a cheat it doesn’t stop usually and the lieing usually doesn’t stop. I went through the same thing for 18 yrs chance after chance and it always ended up happening with him. Sorry to say it but it’s true. You have to confront him away from the children and do what your heart tells you and pray
I’m sorry but now is the time to confront him & them evaluate if you want to stay in the marriage.
Take pics of messages asap and get out while you can. You don’t deserve it.
You sound like a great mom and a wonderful woman. I am so sorry this happened. Stay true to yourself
He’s not going to change, so unless you want to constantly wonder…kick him out
You are an amazing woman, get the respect you deserve, you no what todo,! Dig deep be strong and move on,
Get rid of his ass and don’t let him manipulate you into thinking he’s sorry. Fuck him. Be a strong woman, raise your kids and live a happy and healthy life. You got this!! Just easier said than done.
You know what you need to to - get evidence then get a lawyer. You deserve better
Confront him!!! Ask difficult questions: does he feel an emotional attachment to her, does he love you, does he want to make the marriage work?
Next decide what you want…allow yourself to be angry and sad!!!
Only if he is willing would I put forth any effort to make it work!
I speak from experience…after I found out I confronted him and I told him over and over to leave!!! I make more money and I owned the home we live in so I wasn’t going anywhere! He was willing to do AnyThing to make our marriage work. 2 years of counseling, many prayers, lots of courting and date nights later, we are stronger than ever!
You know what to do.
Trust me my ex was the same they never change, they just get a second phone.
All very good advice here!!
Definitely plan the leave. Save up, just whittle a little away at a time, save save save! Then kick him to the curb! Let him go live with his side chick, watch, she will cheat on him eventually. Don’t worry, karma always comes, be good and you’ll be lucky enough to watch.
I only wonder why you would air your dirty laundry on here instead of doing what you know is right for you and your children?
Fact: he has little love and no respect for you.
Fact: the institution of family and marriage mean nothing to him.
Fact: he cares nothing about what message his treatment of you sends to his children about how you treat those you love and who rely on you. If you stay, you don’t care either. There is no fixing or making up for this.
Time to put up or shut up!
It URKS when ppl ask for advice and then say “please be kind” that just goes to show; You know the answer to your problems leave or divorce him. You want people to come on here and sugar coat what’s happening.
You clearly knew he was cheating before this but decided to go for your miracle baby.
I would honestly tell him to pack his things and go live with his new girlfriend. That’s just really low on him if someone isn’t happy in a relationship then leave no reason to even cheat it just breaks hearts.
I wouldn’t say anything to him until you compile evidence , get yourself a lawyer, and save some money aside.
You know what to do. I’d personally screenshot and send to myself or take pics with my phone as evidence when it comes to court. But you’re the breadwinner. You don’t need him financially. When this situation comes up I always make the point…if your child was married or dating someone who did that to them and they came to you for advice what would you tell them? What your marriage is, and what you tolerate is the example you show your children on how to treat another person and how to be treated by another person. The level of self respect that you have and demonstrate to your children will stick with them and teach them how to have it or lack there of. You in no way need FBs validation. Personally I’d be filing for divorce the next day. No questions asked.
Take care of yourself and keep living. You can do better without him.
If you are the bread winner get out now
I’ve been thru the same.
There is light at the end of that tunnel.
Take that miracle baby and the rest and start over… or stay and forgive…
Those are your choices…
Which one can you live with?
I’m going to tell you what I wish someone told me .
I am so sorry that your soul is feeling crushed It’s a feeling I don’t wish in anyone . Your baby is a miracle baby and will give you the strength to continue and be strong . I know that’s what got me through . Knowing your the bread winner is a plus , so many women stay stuck in unhealthy relationships because of fear and not having that security .
Also your ten year old is watching what you will tolerate or not which will indirectly teach them . Self worth comes with hard tests , I would set up emotional support for he/ she / other as well .
I would look yourself in the mirror and see your beauty , worth and strength . Ask your self if this is something your willing to accept or Leave , I would contact a lawyer and line up a therapist for support and take care of yourself and that miracle baby . Take the steps one day at a time . Focus on your well being and self confidence because it always takes a hit after dealing with cheaters . Your world might feel like it’s crashing but good /universe just showed you the truth so you can choose what you want for your life. Big hugs and I wish you the best .
Screenshot, then head to divorce court. You and your children deserve better. These homewreckers carry STDs. Last thing you need is be worrying about catching something and you just delivered a baby not long ago. Be strong Mama Bear.
Get rid of that loser. Kick him to the curb
Kick him to the curb, you are better off
Only you know what you should do. I would definitely confront him and see where he stands with you in your marriage. If you want to try and salvage the marriage therapy is a good start. If you don’t think he wants to do that then I feel like you’d have no other option than to leave or you could just sit there and let it fester like a wound,which it is and will become, but that doesn’t help you or your new baby to be. If this was me I would consult with a family law lawyer just so you have a rough outline of a plan and maybe after that you can decide what you want to do.
Leave him. He’s not going to change and of course he will deny it.
Definitely need to leave him. Once a cheater always a cheater. You don’t want to spend your life wondering all the time. The trust is broken. Your children don’t need to see you unhappy and grow up thinking that is what life should look like. Kids are resilient. Get some therapy to help you heal.
If that man cheated on you, he’s not a man he’s trash, and she is a raccoon, out there digging in trash and all happy about it.
I think you need to just straight put confront him…and also ask yourself is this marriage worth fighting for ?
First only you know what u can deal with. Only you know if you can stay. I just left a 21 year marriage bc he was having an affair. That was not something I was willing to deal with. I put up with physical and verbal abuse and I was not willing to put up with him cheating. So only u know what u can handle. Good luck sweetie.
You said it yourself, you are smart, educated and the breadwinner. Repeat those words to yourself. You dont need him. Leave.
Not being mean I’m being sincere but Your smart your educated and you know what needs to be done . Sometimes you got to stop financing their lifestyle in order for them to open there eyes to what they will be losing . You don’t need a man who can not give 100% back into the marriage or relationship. Also your child don’t need to grow up thinking his behavior is acceptable
If you know for sure he’s cheating put him out
You spelled “ex husband “ wrong!
Get an attorney and discuss your options. Collect all the evidence you can. Pretend you know nothing until you have your ducks in a row. Then, dump his sorry ass. You deserve to be respected, valued and loved by your partner. Good luck. I’m sorry that he did this to you. It is heartbreaking.
You deserve someone who lets you know your beautiful without having to ask them first!! You deserve to feel like your loved, and that you don’t have to “beg” for it. Time for you to get out, file and live life.
Real advice, love yourself and walk away, it’s not your fault and this is his problem. Let her have him, let her support him.
I would confront him and outright ask them…you need to decide what is best for you. But remember your worth!!! And you deserve to be happy…life is short
Been there done that! If he doesn’t appreciate you there are many more out there that will! Don’t waste your time! Life is too short to stay in a relationship like that!
Gather your proof. I’ve been there.
But also know that this isn’t a “you” issue. Generally, the person that cheats has some deep rooted self image issues or trauma and THAT is why they cheat. I’m sure you guys have the typical struggles that come with the combination marriage and young children.
The question is whether he is ready to take responsibility and seek help.
If not, nothing you do or say will change him.
He has to want that for himself.
Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way, mama!!!
Worry slowly eats at you mentally,emotionally and then physically. Always second guessing will eventually sip out and it may take a wrong outcome , so sorry this is what is happening but my advice is to take some time away from the relationship and that means to comfort him with evidence about what you found and suggest some married concelling . But to just ignore it or just comfort without him knowing there is severe consequences to his actions IF you give him a chance will just have him do it over and over again because he feels you wont do better than him if tou stay and keep being treated that way. Sometimes it takes almost losing someone you love to knock fear and sense into a man , but you can’t have him feel this if you stick around after you confront him . Let him work to win you back as he did trying to sleep with someone else
Simple…he’s using you. Kick his ass out and be the queen that you are
Dude, you’ve answered your question, you’re the bread winner you’re the leader of that house you have never cheated he’s balls deep in someone else kick him out of your house disgusting arse pig he is
You taking care of him and he’s cheating and his side girl knows about you. 1) It’s either you gonna be okay with polygamy because he’s not gonna leave her neither is she if she’s okay with you in the picture. 2) put him out immediately!
You have your mom to help out for a bit while you heal.
Kick him out. You don’t need that kind of crap in your life and neither do your children. You clearly haven’t ever trusted him or you’d have had no reason to suddenly look in his phone. Cheaters don’t change.
Get rid of him ,once a cheater always a cheater .
Screenshot and send yourself any proof of his infidelity might be helpful in the divorce and also if he tries to deny it.
Pack his clothes n. Throw him out I say once a cheat always a cheat