I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and have been struggling with depression off and on. Our sex life has slowed a bit, I’ve lost some weight and have an increased sex drive but I feel like my husband doesn’t care to please me. I met a man at work and we really hit it off long story short I had an affair, I felt terrible after and told him I wanted to end things but can’t seem to stop talking to him. I don’t want my family ruined by this but I’m not sure what to do any more. Any advice would be great please. Preferably by people who have gone through a similar situation.
Hey, sorry to hear that you’re so torn up about this and also the unhelpful judgy comments. I’ve been in a similar position before had an affair with an older married man whose relationship was not going well, they later got divorced not entirely due to me. I think follow your feelings, monogamy isn’t for everyone. Polyamory can be a good thing. Just because everyone isn’t doing it doesn’t mean this isn’t serving you in some way. Everyone wants to feel desired and attractive and wanted and feel that for someone in return. It’s not black and white. Make sure to look after yourself not just think about everyone else.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I had an affair and don't know where to go from here
Be honest with your husband. You’ve already made your decision based on choosing to have the affair & continuing to entertain at this point. There’s no going back.
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Seriously? Tell your husband and accept the consequences of your actions. He will find out from you, or some other way. You don’t seem to feel too terrible if you’re still talking to the dude, so maybe you should do your husband a favor and leave. If you decide to come clean and he wants to work things out, try couple’s counseling. You have your work cut out for you.
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Just walk away from that guy
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You already made the choice to ruin your marriage. Your husband deserves better. Just be honest, it’s the least you can do.
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If you have to ask you know the answer…
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It’s already ruined. Tell your husband and if he leaves you then you’ll need to deal with that as a consequence unfortunately
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Agree with the ladies talk to your husband and if he doesn’t wan to work things out maybe it’s time for you two to move you can’t stay with someone force them to if they don’t feel love 
for you anymore
Imagine if a male wrote this. Just imagine. Everyone would call him out and tell him he is a piece of sh$t AND no one would let him use mental illness as an excuse. So I’m just going to call it as it is…
You’re a pig and your husband deserves better. Cheating is an all time low.
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What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
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Where to go from here?
Right to the trash.
If you wanna do single ppl shit…be SINGLE
Think you need to do your husband a favour and leave him he doesnt deserve that you just went and satisfied your self and obviously dont really care
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So instead of talking to your husband about how you were feeling etc, you decided to go looking elsewhere for it…sorry but you’ve made your bed 
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Tell your husband and let him decide on whether or not he wants to stay. 
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May be think of it was the other way around…
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Charlie this lady… but if a man did this to a woman it would’ve been blown out of proportion.
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If you truly truly love someone 100%, the thought of even cheating wouldn’t cross your mind, much less actually acting on it, think you know the answer to this. Come clean and move on. He’s already going to hurt so don’t make it any worse by continuing the affair any longer
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Be honest. I had an affair and was open and honest. My husband was hurt but we stayed together at first. Other things happened and we are no longer together but you have to be honest. He deserves that. He may not be ok or give you another chance and you have to respect that because you made the choices you did.
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What you’re doing is wrong, and if you put the same energy into your husband as you are this coworker then things might be different.
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Ruins her family for a little D 
Selfish indeed.
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Hide it till you get caught then Deny it. That’s what they do 
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Too late you step out and the truth will come out eventually it always does.
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IF. 
YOU. ARENT. HAPPY:clap:. THEN. LEAVE:clap:
You don’t go out and have an affair and then sit there and wonder what you should do. Imagine how your husband is going to feel!
You need to take accountability for your actions and whatever consequences that result from that. You deserve!
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Girl do you. Your man’s not doing it, someone else will. Dont worry about the guilt. If the tables were turned he wouldn’t care how you felt.
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Enjoy life, life is to short
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The truth ALWAYS comes out at some point. I don’t believe this is something you should keep from your husband. Try to imagine yourself in his shoes. If he did this to you, wouldn’t you want to know? And if your answer is no, you wouldn’t want to know I still believe you should tell him.
Maybe he will want to work things out, but who knows. Tell him and then go get help with your mental health.
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Seems like the time you should have had these thoughts is before you had the affair. Smh. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, if your sexual fulfillment is more important than your marriage and family, that’s your choice. You feel guilty after the fact. I’d be furious.
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I’m sorry been in this situation many times due to my ex husband’s affairs…all I got to say is you need to tell him.you can either work through it or not but he should know.your still talking to dude so its so wrong and u need to accept that your marriage wasn’t enough.your supposed to work and talk through your problems and when your not satisfied…not run to some one else.and BTW she ruint her own marriage if that what happens and he can’t forgive her and doesn’t want to work on things.communication is the key
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Basically you want you cake and to eat it too. The nice side of me says you’re selfish and you need to tell your husband. But the toxic side of me says f it, most men treat us like crap and do all sorts to us. BPD brain.
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If your questioning it pick option 2. You can’t love 2 people
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First, stop making excuses and blaming him i.e your sex life slowed ‘a bit’, he doesn’t want to please you etc welcome to marriage it comes in waves after 14 years for a lot of people… Then tell him the truth, otherwise it is only going to make your marriage worse… Or keep lying and making excuses… Only two options really.
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Introspect. You may realise that you are with your husband only out of a sense of duty and comfortof the familiar,the feeling is gone .
Be strong and heal alone .Find yourself first before finding an other.
Take care.
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Honesty is the best policy
Be honest with your husband. And if you dont want to ruin your family. Which is already a possibility by your actions. Then youll stop talking to the man. If you cannot stop. You need to be honest with your husband and file for divorce. Period. There is no 2 way street about this. And the 1 thing that is for sure. Is that you need to tell your husband. And its up to him if he wants to work things out. And up to you to drop this man. You should have went to your husband about the sex thing before seeking someone else. Theres toys. Porn. And divorce.
You don’t want your family ruined by this??? You already ruined it
Sorry but you can’t undo or fix something this bad either ur husband forgives ur cheating ass or he moves on and deserves some one better than you
You should tell your husband and leave if you are unhappy no one deserves someone they love to be untrustworthy that’s just my opinion
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“Doesn’t care to please me”. Yikes. He’s your husband, not your boy toy.
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Ok this is my take on it. I had an affair. My marriage was over as far as I was concerned. I had planned on moving out and was waiting till I made a little more money for rental deposits etc. well he found out and he left. I know I really hurt him and that was the worst part of it. I didn’t love him anymore. He just wasn’t there for me ! Sooooo after awhile I finally went out with some one I kind of worked with. Honestly the only regret I had was hurting him so bad! So in my opinion, you have to be prepared to lose your spouse if you cheat. I was willing to take that chance!
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You lost weight and think you can do better than him now. It’s not uncommon, but it’s not right. Talk to him and let him decide what he wants to do. It’s not up to you anymore.
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Tell your husband. It needs to come from you and not him finding out from someone else. If he decides he’s done then you need to accept that without a fight. If he wants to give you another chance then you need to give him all the time in the world to heal and do everything he asks. And don’t hound him about forgiveness. He’ll give it to you when he is ready.
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I can understand wanting to keep talking to the guy because its new and exciting but those feelings are tenporary and if you genuinely feel guilty then you HAVE to stop. Block him on everything and give him the cold shoulder.
However, if you’re simply done with the marriage then you need to leave and let him find someone who will cherish him
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You can’t stop talking to him, but don’t want to “ruin your family”? Yeah no, you’ve already ruined your family. Also, drop the victim act. You don’t get to be the victim here. Stop using your mental illness as an excuse to be a POS. I’ll never understand people who will literally risk their whole family and marriage to chase a**. Hope you can deal with the fact that you threw away 14 YEARS of marriage for 3 minutes of bad sex and a relationship with a man that probably won’t survive the real world. It’s sick that no one can stay faithful anymore. Karma is a bitch and she doesn’t skip anybody.
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Why can’t anyone ever be faithful anymore 
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Ask yourself why you did it, deep down, the real reason. What is missing within your marriage or within yourself. If there is anyway you can work it out with your husband and if that’s what you want then try to do that
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Talking to your husband about what happened express any concerns how your husband makes you feel, most important how you feel come up with plain what your next steps are there is also couples counseling. The choice is yours. Alot relationships there is lack communication. You need to decide what’s best for you know one else. You deserve to be happy,have enjoy in your life if your not happy in your marriage your the only one can make that choice to stay or move on. In any relationship better to be honest upfront with others give them the opportunity to either accept things or not, stay or move on
Best of lucky with everything ever need to chat send me dm
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“I don’t want my family ruined by this” it’s already done. You ruined it. Be honest. Do your husband a favour and leave. Work out a custody plan for kids and/or pets.
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Get a divorce and move on
If you aren’t going to call it off then you have to come clean. If you do break it off it is your decision as to how you want to handle it. I understand things get complicated. Mistakes happen.
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Tell your husband. Do you want to save your marraige? If so and if he’s willing to forgive, talk it out and work through it but I’ll be honest, it’ll always be a dark cloud over your marraige. If you’re not interested in stopping talking to the sideman, then leave your husband. Cheating happens for a reason. Something is missing in your marraige that you’re searching for elsewhere and unless that’s something that can be found in your marraige it’ll just keep happening. We are all human.
You’ve already damaged your family. Tell your husband. He deserves that much at least, and deal with the consequences.
I cheated many years ago. I tried to tell my ex husband, then my partner, he didn’t want to know. I carried the guilt around with me for 20 years.
You did wrong, now you have to try to fix it.
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You cant go be honest and say you HAD and affair while ur still having it. Ur still in it with this other man. Cut ties or tell your husband you’re having not had an affiar and figure out.
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Communication is key here. Imagine if your husband had an affair, didn’t tell you, and you ended up finding out from someone/something other than him. While your marriage may be rocky right now, he’s still your husband.
Sit down and talk to him. He deserves to know.
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Instead of everyone judging you and being rude. You should write down your feelings. Write down the pros and cons. No one here has the right to judge you. No one here knows your situation or your life. No one here is involved in your marriage, your life, your family. Maybe write your husband a letter & tell him how you feel, the love and unlove you have for him. Explain it. Be there for him when he has questions or breaks down or wants to talk. Explain why you did it. No one here knows if he has done something bad or what your life is like. A lot of people are bashing you on here but you need to figure out how to be happy again. Be happy for your family no matter what you chose. Good luck, best wishes! 
It seems that you did not marry your soulmate. I hope you will meet your soulmate one day.
Looks like your not trying to please him either …two way street. Fact is you cheated and your husband doesn’t deserve that. So do the right thing and tell him. Truth always comes out in the end. Don’t let him find out from someone else.
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I hope you tell your husband and he heals from this and finds an amazingly beautiful and loyal woman who he can rely on 100%
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Divorce and let him go
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Move on. Because you would be livid had he done this to you. He deserves someone that’s going to be 100% faithful and honest. Communication is key, not running and finding another man.
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I’ve told my children “you’re old enough to know right from wrong. If you’re willing to do something knowing that it’s wrong, you have to be willing to accept the consequences”
The best thing you can do is be honest with your husband. It’s really the only option as a decent human being who’s made a mistake. You have to accept that you messed up and ask for forgiveness, it’s in his hands to offer it or not.
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What happens in the dark always comes to light. Just be honest an hope for the best outcome.
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Leave it’s not fair to your husband
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Honestly??? You never should of had an affair!!! You messed up!!!
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Have you communicated to your hubby about him trying to please you more…try telling him before you hurt him anymore
You’ve already ruined your marriage. You need to cut all ties with the other guy. And come clean to your husband.
If he wants to work it through y’all would probably benefit greatly from counseling, together and or seperate. Figure out whats going wrong in your relationship and try fixing it from there as well as your cheating part.
If he doesnt want to fix, thats your fault. Shouldnt have sought affection from someone else. Your husband deserves better.
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Gosh that poor man! Let him go, he deserves better, the fact your still talking to this other man after just shows how much you care for your husband. If your not happy then leave.
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So you want your cake and eat it too? Leave him , he deserves better
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I would have just left the relationship then went humping all my coworkers, garbage man, mailman, neighbor etc… how you gonna continue working with this guy and it not happen again? How do you expect us to tell you what the hell you should do? Your an idiot- period! You’ve destroyed your marriage because you lost a little weight and thought you could do better than a committed man, probably at home tending to yalls kids while you was out slanging p***y out both pant legs!! I hope he gets the house, the kids, and the family dog!
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If you love your husband, Stop the affair immediately & find a new job, then tell your husband and go to counseling. If not get a divorce and let him move on with someone who does love him. Either way, stop being deceitful.
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I have a differing view point that won’t be popular.
First things first. Are you wanting to save your marriage? Clearly you’re going through some stuff so I’d seek a counselor to help you work through your self esteem and worth as well as your marriage issues. I personally wouldn’t tell him you had an affair if it’s a behavior you are truly remorseful for and won’t repeat. Telling him does nothing for your relationship except alleviate your conscience and damage his self worth and esteem.
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Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
The truth will set you free. Just be ready to face the consequences of your actions.
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You already ruined your family by doing this sorry I’m blunt. Being married your gonna go through alot of things but to stray and cheat its unforgivable. If you have to do that then you shouldnt be married.
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First off, if you have been struggling with depression i hope u have seeked help before hand. Sounds like u didn’t. anyway, with that being said, awesome u lost some weight (yes some guys care about that). BUT from ur post sounds like maybe you are the one over it? 14 years is a long time…it’s comfortable. if u haven’t tried date nights… then try it ? if that does/ didn’t work then, In reality… man up, say ur done(unless u were really trying to find something before u ditched out)… not interested in him anymore. maybe he feels the same… and u can both walk away copacetic. don’t know ur issues and not my monkey not my circus. just happened to read it lol cuz my friend had slightly the same story. either way good luck
Ever thought he felt shitty too and life just got a bit much, so you dig in further. He deserves better for sure
Jeremy read all these comments all these women that are ok with women cheating smh “so it until you get caught” smh like what
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Your going to have rough times. But cheating is the worst thing you could do to someone.
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It seems exciting because its new but honestly. I cant say that its worth it. I say be honest with your husband and let him decide what he wants to do. You already did what you wanted. Its not fair to him. He deserves to know and no reason behind why you did it is a valid one.
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I’m not gonna be like the rest here and be kind. You’re pos, same way I see it when a filthy man cheats on his family. Your worried your family will be ruined? Honey please you should’ve thought about that before you pulled your skirt up for your colleague. imagine if this was a man’s post? And hes still talking to the side piece? You’re clearly not too sorry and don’t use your mental health LOLLLLL. Im pretty sure millions of women go through it with PPD and then some and don’t fall on dicks. Tell your husband, if he leaves you the way I would, then you have to deal with that. Full stop.
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Lol, I’m here for the comments, and they are harsh! The comments, also do not disappoint!
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PS… if “he/she” cheats with you “he/she” cheats on you. just sayin. it’s most likely cuz whoever it is DGAF
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You gotta tell your husband and accept any consequences. If he does forgive you and is willing to move forward you had better damn well keep your eyes forward, and if you can’t you better leave that man before you do that to him again. Cut that other man off if you’re serious otherwise do your husband a solid and bring him divorce papers.
I can’t even believe this is a question
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You are a pig, plain and simple and should hang your head in shame, there is never a good reason to cheat you are a selfish person that clearly only thinks about yourself, own up to it and tell him about your self centred act, watch as the Man you love and married breaks and crumbles #shame
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You already ruined everything. Don’t act like a victim. If you were unhappy, you should’ve left first and then sought another relationship.
If my partner ever cheated on me in any capacity, that’s it, we’re done. There’s no fixing anything. It’s time to let your husband move on.
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you need to come clean. family is already messed up.
Imagine if this was the other way and your husband had done this to you !!! Depression is never a excuse to cheat you need to be honest and tell him the truth he will be angry but he might find away to forgive you but it isn’t going to be easy . You can’t keep sleeping in the same bed knowing what you’ve done just come clean and maybe you can work it out but the trust is gone now
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Obviously not sorry if you’re still talking to him. Affairs don’t happen by accident.
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I tore horribly when I birthed our daughter. It was a full eight months before we could have sex without my being in pain. It took that long to heal. Not once did my husband even consider stepping out on me. Not once did he ever make me feel guilty. He understood that my body needed to heal, and if I wasn’t enjoying it, he didn’t either.
Then my husband was in a horrific hit and run car accident. He broke his back and sternum. It was months of recovery. It was a good year before we had actual intercourse. The thought to find someone else to pleasure me never even crossed my mind. We are now 52 and 54. Things slow down, the sex life is different than when we were younger. We wouldn’t dream of cheating on each other. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. He’s my best friend for better or worse. We love and RESPECT each other. It sounds like all you care about is yourself and what you can get. If all your marriage is based on is sex, it will never last. Your husband deserves so much better.
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Yea unfortunately your family was ruined by it the second you decided to become disloyal to your husband. He deserves to know the truth and you should both move on from that marriage. You can’t go back from cheating or being cheated on.
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Are you for real??? Tell your HUSBAND he deserves that. Unfortunately the ball is out of your court. Your husband gets to make a decision, not you. You already made yours by screwing another man.
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What if he did this to you? Would it ruin your family? Would you want to know the truth? Would you forgive him? You made a choice not thinking about him… It’s time to think about him and not yourself… Obviously you aren’t to remorseful or you could quit talking to the other guy. If you aren’t happy just say that… It’s best to be honest with yourself and your husband. Being unhappy doesn’t give you the right to hurt someone in this way. These actions get people killed daily!!!
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Either walk away from this man you’re having the affair with or walk away from your marriage.
The truth has an ugly way of always coming out and the longer you continue this, the worse it will be.
Damnnnnnnnn these comments
Too late you’re probably going to have to coparent if he doesn’t forgive you
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I would seek counseling and be honest
If you don’t want to stay
Then leave
I’m sorry you’re going thru this
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this post is just here for popcorn 
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Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? Can’t assume how he feels. It’s going to be hard to come back from that, but if you’re love and relationship is strong enough you can get through it. Try counseling alone and then maybe bring in your husband. If you want your marriage to work you have to cut communication! If that’s no fire then move on. Don’t stay bc of the kids, never healthy
Get a divorce and leave ur husband for the other man smh
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Cheating is wrong either way
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Your a pos. A pig. And I hope your husband leaves your ass and finds a real woman who’s a million times better. #filth #hecandobetter my 1 wish is this man meets tons of beautiful amazing women and he goes on to start a new life with one and leaves this dirt ba g behind