My gut is telling me my husband of 19 years cheated, but he swears nothing happened. I want to know if I am over reacting or not. As far as I know he has always been faithful. He has always said the he would never put himself in the position to even give the appearance of cheating. He meant he wouldn’t be alone with another woman or talk to women online, etc. Until recently, I believed him. Here’s what happened. He had to work out of town. He is the “superior” at his job, and this particular placement meant that during operating hours, as the project manager, he had to remain on site with the other employees at all times. He stays at a nearby hotel and comes home on weekends. His company also had contracted other companies to work on this project. Those employees are from other companies, and though directed by my husband, they are not his responsibility in any way. They are also staying in nearby motels. One day last week I called him and he didn’t answer. He called back about an hour later. Unusual because he rarely misses my call, but usually calls back within a couple of minutes if he does. When he called back he told me a crazy story about how one of the ladies from the other company came up to him in the middle of an asthma attack that was so bad she could barely tell him she needed her inhaler from her car. He says they walked to her car and she leaned on the hood out of breath while he looked and couldn’t find the inhaler. She then reached in her jacket pockets and pulled out the lid only and told him the inhaler must be back at the location she was staying at and asked if he could drive her there. He left the job site, just her and him and drove her about 10 minutes away to the motel she was staying in. He says her asthma attack went away on the way to get the inhaler, but they went on to get it in case she needed it later. When he told me this I instantly got sick to my stomach and something clicked in my head that he did more than just take her to get an inhaler. He risked his job had he been caught off site, for an employee that didn’t even work for his company. I asked why he didn’t call an ambulance if she was breathing so bad she could barely talk. He says he was just panicked trying to help her. Why don’t I believe him?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have a feeling my spouse cheated
They never admit it….go with your gut and take your heart with you. Stay strong mama
He’s full of it that’s why you don’t believe his lies
I mean in the 19 years you guys have been together, has he given you a reason not to trust him around females? Seems silly if you don’t believe him just over this one event over the course of 19 years. If there was other things that had happened, makes more sense.
I don’t think I would believe him either, honestly lol. But then again, he didn’t have to mention her at all & he chose to unless he was afraid someone else might mention seeing him leave with her and he was just covering his tracks
So you hubby did something nice and you want to toss him? He doesn’t need you. So what, he helped someone out. If it was a male co-worker would you be as nutty? Unless you have more than a missed call, you are paranoid.
You definitely have trust issues he helped someone and you think he cheated grow up
Trust your GUT!! It happens. Men don’t think about boundaries away from home.
19 years is a long time and at least he told you something instead of nothing. Idk I wouldn’t toss 19yrs over this
I have asthma. It never “goes away” without treatment. I’m really sorry.
U going to run off a great man that will never come back once being accused of some thing so bad if it has never been done before
I wouldn’t believe that either. You never leave your job and all medical issues at work should be reported and the proper medical procedures should have been done. I call BS on this. He’s not a doctor and she should have not involved him so they both smell dirty.
You say he’s never given you a reason to doubt him before…so maybe he’s telling the truth. Are there any areas of your relationship that you can sit back and truly feel something might be amiss? If not, humor him. Seriously. Don’t be blind and ignore obvious signs but perhaps he’s being a true gentleman trying to help someone. He didn’t have to tell you about this to begin with. He didn’t hide it from you. Don’t let the comment trolls and negative Nancy’s set up your relationship’s demise.
Seems weird but not too wild to me. The fact he told you is good but why didn’t they call EMS? That’s where it’s shady. Like in shady.
Girl you decided you don’t trust your husband because he was a good person. Sounds like you have your own trust issues.
Sounds to me like he helped someone in an emergency situation and you should be proud of him. If this has given you the feeling that he cheated you have underlying issues and insecurities.
“My husband helped a lady”
Yall in this group “run. He’s a cheating lying hore. Take your heart and go”
All I got from this is insecurities, lack of trust, lack of respect and unnecessary drama. It doesn’t seems like you trusted him to begin with.
He literally was being a caring, good human and you turned that dark and twisted. If you don’t trust him it’s internal issues or there’s good reason. Or maybe you’re just looking for an excuse to leave him. Be honest with yourself, don’t blame him.
That’s your first thought? Wow… Pretty insecure I’d say. You’ll always forever have this feeling and now it will never go away and it’s going to cause issues. And all because he readily admitted he helped someone. He could have told you a thousand other reasons but he was honest about being with a woman and helping her.
As someone with asthma it doesn’t just clear up or stop if it gets really bad however if steps are taken while it’s in the beginning stages it can clear up but it sounds like no steps were taken to try to ease it before they drove off and if that was the case she would’ve needed an ambulance
If he cheated you will know soon, give it time and watch his behavior
Over-explaining…just gets to me…
The story sounds legit but if he told you in a way that made you feel unsettled about his story then I would go with my gut because a story is a story but if it’s told with fear or if he had a shaking voice that made you suspicious it’s more inlikely not true and you knew it because you’ve been with him for so long you could tell when he’s lying or when he’s nervous telling a lie I would go with my gut. I will tell him that I already knew what he had done and I would be upset about it until he came clean maybe even leave the house but that’s up to you 19 years is a long time you’re ready to leave because of one incident that you’re not sure about and Then I hope you’re ready for real because it’s gonna be a huge deal once it’s time to leave
Girl your insecurities are showing… all he did was help a women out who needed help. That’s all. You need to rethink this. I don’t see at all how you think he would be cheating because of that??
The only thing that sounds strange to me is that the asthma attack “went away”. They don’t just do that. Other than that…if he’s never cheated, you’ve never doubted him and you trust him…why are you questioning this? If it’s genuinely only this time you’re unsure…I’d let it go. He’s probably telling the truth. If he hasn’t been fully honest or trust is an issue then I’d probably be suspicious but only because I’m a narcissist who thinks “once a cheater, always a cheater”…
He’s been undeniably faithful in 19 years, and this one time something weird comes up?
If he has given you times in the past to be weary, I’d say don’t believe him, but I think he genuinely just wanted to help.
Now SHE may have had bad intentions, but I don’t think he did.
Yeah I think your insecurities are showing.
I think he legit tried to help someone and indeed panicked. Bcoz why else would he risk his job? When I panicked I completely go stupid. Sounds like he did to.
Sometimes you can’t make crazy truths up.
I work construction with men everyday. Anyone of my superiors would do the same for me or any other employee. I know some women aren’t trust worthy but I would trust your husband. My husband is also a superior on jobs and I wouldn’t expect any less from him either. They have a duty to take care of all employees on site.
As far as I know asthma doesn’t just go away. That part sounds dodge
Unless you have numbers for coworkers that are present on his job site, I can’t see any reason at all for him to lie to you about that. Now if you could easily contact his coworkers and “verify” his story, then maybe it is a load of sh!t. But if that’s something he knows you couldn’t do because you don’t have numbers for them, then it would be a silly lie to make up. He could’ve easily said there was complications at the site and left it at something super simple and easy for him to remember and that wouldn’t put him alone with another woman at all.
I don’t think I would call ems if the person is able to walk to their car without problem unless said person asked me to, but that’s just me. Because who wants to pay a $3000 ems bill?
If he has been faithful this whole time and never given you one feeling he’s done something wrong…you should be careful and be sure of what you believe.
It really could just be a crazy situation he was in and was unsure how to handle it properly. Not everyone has been in high stress situations and automatically knows the right or better thing to do at the time.
I think you know him better than we do. My instinct is saying run and don’t look back, but that’s because of MY experiences with a narcissist who would gaslight me and have me thinking I was the crazy one. If you don’t have enough information to be certain, then none of these women do, either. Don’t base your decision on our jaded and/or biased opinions.
I can’t say that he cheated but he lied to you about why he .didnt return your call.promptly
I don’t know why you dont believe him if he’s never given you a reason too before. However, I would be like, okay so why didn’t you answer anyway? I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband helping someone like this, but he would also answer or call me and tell me what’s up.
You have issues with yourself that you need to work out. Jealousy is an ugly trait that is going to cost you a lot. He helped someone out and you want to act like he’s done you wrong. But you are doing him wrong by showing this ugly side of you and letting your insecurities show.
He helped a woman in a pretty dire situation, after 19 years of being faithful & all of a sudden you can’t trust him? I would have acted the same way as him. Smh.
I think he is telling the truth. In reality that is one very bizarre story to on the spot make up and cover an infedelity. Trust your faithful partner who could have easily said he was in a meeting or something similar and you lilkely wouldn’t have questioned it. Her intentions to get him alone, perhaps not so angelic. As many have said asthma doesn’t just stop.
sounds like you have a hot husband and shorty was faking and he was clueless…thats the best conclusion for someone who has given you no reason to think of him as unfaithful in the entire 19 years
This sounds like more of a you issue. I think if he cheated on you he wouldn’t have said anything to you! Why would he make up some big lie if he’s working out of town. Sounds like he acted out of concern for medical someone in medical distress. People all react differently in situations like your husband described.
If I worried about everytime my husband missed my call and it took him an hour to call me back especially while he was at work I would be a mess on a daily basis.
Sounds more like you need to work on your insecurities instead of jumping to conclusions.
Men are usually horrible at coming up with stories on the spot. With that many details I’d believe him.
He still could have answered his phone though… Thats the only weird part
Asthma doesn’t work like that…
I dont think he really had to tell you any story. He could have just said “I just looked at my phone and noticed you called… weird I missed it”
So since he told you that crazy story I’m inclined to believe it happened.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it unless he starts acting weird.
It’s time to find a job in town and stay
I think he is telling truth and that woman was making a move on him. Asthma attacks don’t just stop without medical intervention.
But why could he not answer his phone during the incident?
Honestly I think if he had actually done it he wouldn’t have told you anything. He would’ve just made an excuse about missing the call, not a very detailed story involving another lady and himself in a car.
Play u knw something happened until he spills it or let it play out on its own because everything eventual comes to light my opinion ur gut is right n his story is bs
If he’s never given you a reason and this one is odd, it could still be true. If you’re gits telling you something then just stand on guard. I would say if it odd things happen frequently, then trust your gut. Until then, I’d let this one go.
Asthma attacks don’t just go away … no idea what the go is but it’s a bizarre thing to say hence why your gut telling you something not right
The fact he told you this long crazy story usually means he’s guilty & wanted to come up w a lie instead of just saying “I didn’t notice you had called.” I wouldn’t trust the story either. Listen to your gut.
that story is complete BS. asthma doesn’t work like that.
Why would he tell you any of that story if he had done anything? That would be just dumb. Especially since it’s not like he would be worried she would tell you. I would trust him. Now if this happens more times than just this one then thats a different story.
And as for what everyone else is saying, asthma attacks don’t just go away. BUT you can have a panic attack that feels 100% the same as an asthma attack. She may have just assumed asthma because she’s used to it, or she could have had bad intentions.
I would just talk to him and say that you feel strangely about the whole situation, ask if there is anything he is leaving out or scared to tell you. She may have been hitting on him and he was upset that he fell for her asthma attack. Just be honest that it rubs you the wrong way and that the story doesn’t make sense
Thats a pretty crazy story to cover something up , wouldve been easier to lie and say I was busy or talking to someone.
Looks like you just answered your own questions 911 if she was that bad not to mention the time it took to get to where she was staying help could’ve been there, something sure is ’y & it STINKS JS!
Call it women’s intuition but your senses always know when something is up…
So once in 19 years hes missed your phone call and called you back in an hour? Impressed! Then he told you why and you don’t believe him? Is it possible that maybe she played him with the asthma attack and came on to him? He turned her down and he told you half the story to spare your feelings? It’s possible. Why do you suddenly not trust him now, is something else going on?
they got seen flirting by her car made it look like she was in distress and he’s nervous you’ll find out because wives / woman talk and well everything gets posted on blast so he’s covering his ass incase that person that seen them posts pictures of him in a situation he shouldn’t have been in.
I don’t know. I truly wouldn’t want you to jump to conclusions and make yourself sick being so stressed out about it… But honestly and overall you should trust your gut. I would do a little bit of investigating on your part. Some people don’t believe in intuition, or a woman’s intuition - But it is true.
What I would have said it’s okay if you were helping somebody out who was having an asthma attack then I would truly understand but where my problem is is if I was in that situation and you called my phone I would still have picked up the phone and explained honey I’m sorry somebody’s having an asthma attack right now can I please call you back instead of ignoring my calls until about an hour later why couldn’t you at least send me a text or answer the phone and just tell me there’s an emergency going on right now let me call you back simple as that sounds a little far-fetched to me I would have automatically been on high alert as well but you need to just sit down calmly and talk to him and say honey I love you and you’ve never given me a reason to not trust you but I feel a little uneasy about this for the fact that you counted at least text me or call and let me know what what’s going on so you need to tell me the truth now or I want to look through your phone and go back to messages and calls from that day and see if there’s anything in there from this girl that you helped that was having an asthma attack
not that I think all men have a lot of intelligence, but any man in his right mind would have changed “lady” to “this dude was having an asthma attack” if he were legit cheating……
You might be overreacting a little.
It’s not always an idea to call an ambulance because they are expensive drive to the hospital for a puffer and then you’d be stuck in the emerg for a while until they give you the all clear to leave. It’s seems wild but have you ever had a serious breathing issue? It’s a panicky situation for the person having one and the person helping.
Asthma attacks can be a serious thing and if someone is having an attack then you do what you can to help the person and that’s he did.
My lung disease causes breathing issues and there was one time I had to give my car keys to a coworker to go find my emergency puffer in the glovebox because I couldn’t breathe well enough to get down the stairs. After that I started to keep one in my desk. Sometimes people go a long time without having any issue and then almost out of no where it hits.
Not how asthma attacks work … There’s lying going on… Start in account in only your name, put money in it. Say nothing. Save up JUST IN CASE. Then document what stories and things he does for your own self notes. (Helps show actual contradiction should it come later) then continue as normal. But keep eye on what he says and does. When you have enough money if his stories don’t match or other things come out you’ll be able to go.
I have asthma, and have asthma attacks. Over 25 years of them, and I can tell you, I have been able to figure out how to get through them when needed. So to those saying “asthma attacks just don’t go away”, it is possible. Besides that, I think you’re overreacting to this. I hope I’m right and it isn’t more, but this seems too far fetched to be “just made up to get away with missing a phone call”. Things happen.
No, that seems like a red flag
I have two children with asthma …an asthma attack does not go away and if one has a asthma attack they should take their inhaler after taking the inhaler they should seek medical attention
In my experience, that gut feeling is always right.
Are you really going to entrust a 19 year marriage to people on Facebook?
I’ve had asthma my whole life and yes with deep breathing and calming down it can go away on its own
Seems like you’re very insecure honestly and that problem doesn’t lay with him it lays within yourself. If he’s never given you a reason before then why would he make such a huge story like this honestly? Hope you realize that men aren’t very good liars and if he was going to lie to you he would’ve never even told he was helping another female but he did knowing that you’ll jump to this conclusion. And hope you realize the ones who accuse the other of cheating are usually the ones who are doing it themselves but want to blame the other person instead.
You need to really sit down n think why you don’t trust him if he’s never given you a reason not to before. Something has happened that has made you have trust issues honestly.
Wow if 19 years of loyalty has not earned him enough trust to help a female thru a medical emergency, maybe you have too much time on your hands
Your husband is a Superior, per your words, & so it’s kinda his job to make sure everyone on a job site is safe. & I’m sure his superiors would agree should he need to produce proof of what happened.
I highly doubt your faithful husband of 19 years holding a high position at his job is going to sneak off of his job site full of people for an hour for a quickie affair out of nowhere…
& If you truly believe that, then he’s obviously not been as trustworthy as you say.
Talk to him about it…let him know your feelings and see what his reaction is. You know your husband so you will know if he is lying or not. The story sounds weird if you ask me… she finds the cap so she asks him to drive her to her hotel to see if its there?
Sorry ladies, not that I’d jump to cheating but anyone who is advising she is “wrong” must not understand how asthma works. The woman was obviously lying, not that he wasn’t tricked into helping her but yeah that is not how asthma works… coming from a severe asthmatic, I knock people and things over digging for my inhaler if it was that bad because I need it and the ONLY alternative is calling 911 , it happens quick and it does not just go away. With that said I don’t think he would just make all this up men aren’t that creative so I believe it happened but she maybe tricked him and hey who knows what else happened. She’d have been passed out and probably in a pretty critical state in an hour, by the time he returned the call, if it was the full story
- I’ll add to my thought above that was based on the extent of which this woman had gone ; you can work through a mild attack of course. I myself have to limit how much of my inhaler I use because I have so many severe attacks a day but I have plenty I breath through. I meant that the type of attacks anyone would consider having a stranger (married, male at that) search their car, pockets, and drive them to their hotel room - uh negative.
I don’t think the husband is making this up but the story is not typical
First off I don’t think he would tell you that whole story if he was cheating. I generally think he was trying to help this lady.
Mild asthma attacks can stop on their own. Why is it you doubt him? As someone else said on here it’s a bit of a crazy story to make up on the spot so its more likely to be true. Or do you think that he’s worried his coworkers seen him & her leave the job site together which would be suspicious as they have no reason to be leaving in a car together so to cover their tracks the 2 of them concocted this story? Or that someone from work seen them together at her hotel and that’s the reason for the story? Honestly its really hard to know what’s the truth. All you can do is follow your gut & ask him or try to find out someway but I wouldn’t treat him like he’s cheated or seperate or anything drastic like that till you know for sure as he really could be innocent. I really hope you find the answers you are looking for
Wouldn’t be alone with another woman implies he cannot be friends with women. Sounds like he would be nervous to even say he talked to a woman.
Your being beyond dramatic u would think if he was lying he would come up with a better story then that
Sounds legit to me. The one time he doesn’t answer your call? This sounds possessive to me. I can’t stand someone that thinks I need to pick up or answer a text within a few mins.
Red Flag,if your gut gives u these feelings…believe it…your gut instinct is correct…live by it,will never stear u wrong…
A very mild attack can be controlled without medication. Possibly she was triggered and once removed from that trigger she recovered. A severe asthma attack …its going to need meds and will only get worse the longer you go without those meds…so depends how bad her attack was and what triggered it.
He could have lied and said he was at a meeting …I doubt he’d tell you he’d broken all the rules and was with this woman if he cheated.
Id believe him
He’s never given you a reason. If you don’t have trust what do you have. He was helping someone out. I don’t see the fault in this. She may have been married or had a boyfriend he just drove her to get her inhaler. No biggie.
I’m also leaning towards it probably was nothing, but in the same breath I would always trust my gut. Have you thought about just being honest with him about your feelings?
So your husband is not allowed to talk to other women or even have female friends? Have you ever thought that maybe not every woman is interested in your husband? Shocking right?
You have too much time in your hands. If he wants to cheat he will cheat regardless if you call or not. He could be with her and answer your call. I’ve done it before.
Honestly sounds like he just had a crazy day? I get no cheating vibes from this story at all, I don’t want my man hanging out with other women as friends but I wouldn’t be mad and hurt if he thought he was saving somebody from a bad attack.
Even if she was lying and trying to manipulate him he was just trying to do what he thought would help lol.
That’s a really detailed story honestly for him to have made it all up. If he did make it up he’s seriously got an imagination. If he hasn’t done anything to make you not trust him then I wouldn’t worry about it, Don’t over think it. If he is doing something, everything will come out eventually, those kind of secrets almost always come to light. If there’s other things like this that start popping up randomly and more frequently and you see a genuine change in his behavior I’d be concerned then. But not over one little instance which sounds too detailed to be a lie…
I think your reaching
What’s your evidence he’s cheating though?
Sounds like this woman did try to pick up your husband. He told you that she leaned over the hood. As a superior he could have been genuinely concerned about her breathing and didn’t notice her behavior til into the situation too deep. Did he drive her car? Where did he say his phone was? Maybe by him telling you the story he wanted you to know nothing happened and could have felt scared to have a “medical emergency” on the job. On the flip side, a woman’s intuition is spot on but our brains could mix it up. When he is home, I would casually mention “how frightening” that something could happen like that at his work and about their medical kits (as a way to get more specific information about the actual incident.) If that conversation doesn’t put your mind as ease, then I suggest leaving. The trust and doubt will exhaust you.
Why couldn’t he answer his phone? Hey gotta call u back trying to drive woman to motel to get her inhaler to save her life! Look that took 10 seconds to write…probably 5 seconds to say. He should’ve called for help if it were a medical
Emergency. Sounds like you don’t trust him. That’s a problem. Idk if it’s merited or not but good luck! Story is weird…
Living apart during the week can be difficult. You don’t say how long it’s been like this or if it’s a situation that has happened often in the 19 years you’ve been married. Since your husband has been spending more time with the people he works with than at home with you, I am sure it’s got to mess with your head.
He usually answers your calls or calls back a few minutes later so I understand that calling back an hour later seems like a lot but it’s really not that long under normal circumstances. I don’t know that I would be willing to toss 19 years of marriage away over a bad feeling that very likely can be a reaction to the current situation. Actually I KNOW I wouldn’t.
A lot of the comments on this forum say “run” but to me, that is completely insane. But I also see that the majority of comments regardless of the Fan Question say “run”to the point that I view this page as “Give Me a Reason to Leave”.
Personally, I would simply have a conversation with your husband FACE TO FACE about how you felt WITHOUT IT BEING AN ACCUSATION. Maybe you guys can work together to find a way to make things easier on you so you don’t feel this way. IF there was something more to the situation, you will see it when you talk face to face.
My personal opinion is that after 19 faithful years of marriage I just don’t think he would all of a sudden decide to cheat without other “warning signs”. Obviously others will have their own experiences that “prove” me wrong, but MY experience is where my OPINION is derived. I have a hard time throwing away 19 years of marriage over a bad feeling
One question… did he get mad when you questioned this story to him? Immediately got upset that you continued on about it for more details or “why didnt you do this for her instead” type of questions…etc. Personally if he got upset or started ignoring the topic with you then I might be a bit worried… you know when your mans lieing so go with your gut.
To detailed for someone who is cheating. I think he was trying to do the right thing and it resolved itself as they can. Alls good!
Yeah your doing too much. He wouldn’t have told you that if he was cheating. He’d have blamed it on something else happening at the job site, he wouldn’t just willingly tell you about another female if he were doing something wrong.
My first thought would have been the same as his, as long as I saw she was coherent and able to communicate; I would have just taken her to get the inhaler. My husband would have done the same. I wouldn’t call an ambulance (a very high expense and an incident form would need filled out for an “onsite incident”) unless she wasn’t able to catch her breath. She could have asked him to drive her because he seemed like the most friendly and trusting person on site - such as he talks about you and your family - so maybe she felt she would be safe by asking him and putting herself in a position where she was alone with a guy. Your husband helped a person in need. He was open and honest about it. Telling you about his “crazy day.” If he were cheating, he would make up some mundane story so you wouldn’t ask questions. Such as “my phone was on silent due to a meeting.” “my phone was dead.” “I left my phone in the room/car.” Why would he go through the steps of making up some giant, crazy, elaborate story if he was cheating? Nineteen years is a long time… has he given you a reason to question him before? Did you grow up around cheating spouses so have some insecurities? The question you have to ask yourself is where is all of your concerns stemming from? More than likely your guy is telling the truth. Don’t jump to conclusions and get yourself all worked up or start an unnecessary argument that could cause bigger problems. Ask how the girl is - see is she’s okay. Give kudos to your husband for helping out someone in need. If you think he’s cheating, kill him with kindness - because a spouse of 19 years is going to feel the guilt. But again, I think he was being a good guy - a decent human being - which the world lacks…
Sounded it was just a crazy day Sometimes people get busy and missed phone calls and text messages
This is definitely an over reaction!!! The woman needed help and he was able to help her. This whole post screams im insecure and I don’t trust my husband!! Not allowed to be alone with another woman? Wow!! In this situation I feel you are the one who has an issue with something that should be a non-issue.
Also for all the ones saying attacks don’t just go away, If you have had asthma long enough you learn strategies to bring yourself out of an attack, so they can appear to “go away”.
The real question is why question and automatically assume he’s cheating? I mean 19 years is a long time to trust someone and not suspect cheating within this time. Were there other red flags that you’ve been noticing to make you assume during this incident? Don’t listen to everyone talking about listen to your intuition because it does not include anxiety. Our intuition can be wrong if you aren’t in tuned with self. Intuition is a knowing without analytical reasoning. Anxiety causes us to over think. We can’t assume things without clear proof. I am an overthinker and analyzer, I ask myself questions before jumping to conclusions or accusing my partner of things. Maybe look at a very bigger picture first. Accusing him could backfire.