If the bride was paying for the dress for you then I think it’s more OK I’m wearing this, but if you pay for it I think you should get to choose or at least have a say.
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It’s her wedding and her theme, yes your paying for it but that’s typically how it works when you agree to be a part of a wedding.
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I think it’s rude she has asked you to pay for the dress. She can afford a wedding planner she can afford your dress too!
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Sorry. But I agree with everyone. When you took on the maid of honor roll you agreed to make sure the day was the best for her. That means wearing literally anything she wants. Even if you dont like it. I gave my bridesmaids the option of the style as long as it was long and matched my colors.
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It’s kinda shitty of people to imply that you shouldn’t have an opinion because it’s not your wedding. If the bride cares about her bridesmaids she’ll want them to be comfortable and feel good too. Communication and compromise is key.
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The bride already made a decision about the dresses - NOW she is changing her mind??? So, what if - three weeks before the wedding, she changes her mind - AGAIN?! Also, it seems that her wedding planner is the one who wants the change in dresses… Some clarity needs to had. Tell her that she needs to make a decision and stick with it. I’ve seen so many weddings where the bride - on purpose - chose the most unflattering dresses so she would be the prettiest one.
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Bow out as gracefully as possible If it ruins your friendship. Was she really your friend? You are important too. It shouldn’t be a hardship to be allowed to attend HER wedding
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She may be the bride but you’d like to think there is consideration for those she has asked to be a part of her wedding. I’ve been a bridesmaid before, the bride chose the dress (cheap and tacky and didn’t suit my figure) I had to pay for it and wear it on the day, there was no choice it was wear it or don’t come (it was my SIL so got on with it to save arguments for my other half) but I felt uncomfortable and unhappy all day.
However, when I was a bride, I asked what my bridal party were happy and comfortable with and paid for the dresses as I’d asked them to be part of my wedding.
I think it depends on the person/relationship that you have with them. I’d have liked more respect and choice as a bridesmaid as I gave it to my bridesmaids but not everyone likes to be as flexible with things where their wedding is concerned.
I’d have an honest conversation with her and see if you can come up with a compromise that you are both happy with.
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I didn’t think bridesmaids paid for their own dresses. But it’s her wedding her choice of dress.
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Tammy Scott thank you thank you !!!
Has the world gone mad to give so much importance to the crazies of a bride to be
Have the bride pay for the dress she wants the bridemaid to wear if she will wear it for the wedding only.
This is crazy non sense .
I want my people happy and feeling great wearing what they like .
Vintage, go to a thrift shop , take a 3$ one because Who is to say she won’t change her mind again
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I gave my bridesmaids a choice of 4 dresses and told them they could pick but had to be the same one. I’m not a fan of the different dresses and colors. They got together and choose and they look great. I’ve also been a bridesmaid and didn’t care for the dress but brides are stressed enough so I got it. I honestly didn’t care unless it went over the agreed upon price. Now if the dress she wants is 500…sure complain but a 60-80 buck dress buy it and donate to a program that gives dresses to low income girls for prom
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My daughter has been bridesmaid in three weddings and the brides always made the decision about the bridesmaids dresses. Thankfully the brides were cost conscious and made sure the dresses were affordable. It’s the brides day! I realize stepping out of your comfort zone is not what you prefer to do. But you won’t have to wear the dress but that one time.
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Since when did bridesmaid buy their own dresses? How is that a freakin honour to fork out shed loads on a dress that makes you uncomfortable and feel like crap all day. The bridezilla should ensure they are all comfortable enough to actually enjoy the day 🤷 I mean why on earth would you treat the special people in your life like that?
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I’ve been a bridesmaid in countless weddings! I’ve never objected to what the bride wants us to wear! And neither have the other women. Believe me when I say…some of these dresses were never something I would choose…never the less I wore them, paid for them and was happy to do it! It’s the Bride’s day!! If you don’t agree…decline the invite to be in the wedding party.
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The day is about THEM, not you. If you don’t want to wear what she asks, then I guess don’t be in the wedding. You can pick the outfits and colors when it’s your wedding day. And if you are who she chose to be as her MOH, then I would assume you guys are pretty close. And if you are as close as I am to my best friend or sister, If they thought we all looked beautiful in ugly puffy dresses, or tuxedos then that’s what I would wear to make them happy on THEIR day.
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Im Australian and got married 2 yrs ago
Our bridesmaid picked out of 3 options and she paid 1/2 the cost. She has also kept the dress as alterations that i paid for were done to fit her exactly.
It’s the brides day and her say, but she should cover some or all the cost if shes picking the dress
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My bridal party are paying for their own dresses and I made it clear when I asked them all and they were free to decline if they wished. I’ve also said everyone can have their own style, as long as they’re from the same place/exact same colour as a compromise as I couldn’t afford the extra dresses
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It’s considered an honor to be invited to take part of a wedding party, therefore, the bride normally chooses what the bridesmaids will wear. If you aren’t comfortable with her choice, it’s OK to respectfully say you can’t be part of the wedding party.
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for real, come on now. I would be choosing a different maid of honor if I chose someone for that special position and they couldn’t be uncomfortable for me for a little bit
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It’s her wedding and she deserves to have it how she wanted. Quite likely she saw you in that dress and you probably looked great. Maybe she is having some insecurities and rightfully so, didn’t want her bridesmaid looking better than her at her wedding. Either way, her wedding her choice
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Find a way to make it comfortable for you. If i have learnt anything at all about weddings it’s that every single bride deserves to have it the way they want it. Politely decline having any part in the bridal party if it’s too much if an issue for you but is wearing a dress you don’t particularly like for one day really worth ruining a friendship over? That’s exactly what is going to happen of you do decline.
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You only have to wear it once for an event. Is it so awful? The focus won’t be on you. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, her wedding is the big deal, obviously she wants you to be a part of it. So you gotta buy some unflattering frock you’re never gonna wear again. Just do it. 
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It’s her wedding, if she wants you guys in a vintage look then that’s that. I suggest you find something within those parameters you’re comfortable in or if you can’t respect her wishes, drop out of the wedding party and come as just a guest (which would be really petty IMO) I decided I wanted all my bridesmaids to wear the same shoes after the fact and they all complied without hesitation. This really isn’t about you being comfortable, it’s about celebrating your friend finding her soulmate and living happily ever after. Have you EVER seen 27 dresses? Lol
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Hi! I’m a bride (wedding is in two weeks 
)and I would say that since it’s your friends wedding, it is ultimately up to her. I’m a pretty chill bride so I would of course ask my bridesmaids what they thought of certain colors and dresses. But I did choose the dress and color. And if you really don’t want to wear the dress, then you can politely decline to be in the wedding party. No one is forcing you, but you do have a choice to make. The bride is not being unreasonable. I hope that helps!
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IMO, it’s not fair that the bride changed her mind. Once she did that, then I would change my mind too. “I respectfully decline your MOH request.” That’s it. Done. Save my money to buy a dress that I love for another event.
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I was a bridesmaid for my sister in laws wedding and flat out told her I would walk down the aisle in a potato bag if that’s what she chose, and gladly pay for it. The day is about her and the groom and their vision of a wedding. You agreed to it when you said yes to not only being a bridesmaid but the maid of honor.
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She chose you as the M.O.H. It’s not what you like. It’s up to the bride. If you can’t handle that then it’s time for you to tell her you can’t be the Maid Of Honor.
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You make a commitment to doing whatever the bride wants for her day by agreeing to be in the wedding at all. If you don’t like it, don’t stand in it and you can pick whatever you want to wear
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Next time you get asked to be in a wedding party say no
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If you agree to be in the wedding, then get the dress she wants you to get. It’s a small sacrifice to make a bride happy. Not much more complicated from that. And most bridesmaids and maids-of-honor part for their dresses.
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I got married 51 years and was a maid if honor in two wedding parties and a bridesmaid 5 others. I paid for my gown, shoes, makeup and hair in ALL of them. At the time the bride chose the gown and color. If one agreed to be a part of the bridal party, one expected to pay for it all as well as a shower (s) and wedding gift.
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It’s not your wedding, you dont have a right to a opinion
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You accepted to participate in her wedding, fully knowing that you were responsible to purchase your attire & knowing the risk that plans could change. If you weren’t prepared to be along for the ride, you should have declined the responsibility. You actually could still graciously bow out of the wedding, but there’s risks with that too.
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Unless you are really short of funds go along with the bride. It could be fun dressing vintage. Ask the bride to go with you to choose, saying to her you need her input as it’s her vision.
Enjoy the whole process and have fun. It’s not worth getting annoyed about even though you are irritated.
Enjoy the wedding!
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Unfortunately it’s her wedding. You could bail out. But they would cause a rip in your relationship. Find a dress that maybe you can sell after you wear it. Consignment shops. It’s not about you that day. It’s about the bride.
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It’s her day, just honor her. I have seen friends turn sour at each other after weddings, just look at it like it’s a gift. Make her day great
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If you’re ultimately concerned that she keeps changing her mind and that she might do it again just wait until as long as you can to get the dress just in case she changes her mind again. but as stated by everyone else it is her day and it would be nice if she could be conscious about the price But you did agree to it so I’d suggest either go along or step out now 
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I’m sorry, but it’s bride’s day. in the US, it is a tradition to bridesmaid pay for there’s dress. The bride changed her mind ? well it happens. if you agreed to be the maid of honor or bridesmaid it means that you agree to do everything to make the bride happy. …next time will be your’s wedding …
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I chose color material and let everyone do the pattern they comfortable in for I knew they had to live withith it. I determined length of their dresses also(below knees) they rock their dresses to date. It is her wish to have vintage so you can’t expect her to gor for your wish. Having a wedding needs one to be firm much as it is sooo confusing considering it is only that day. The anxiety of having all a flop😓
If you don’t like it then don’t be in it. Simple. You’re there to support your friend so her pictures can come out how SHE wants. The wedding is about her, not you.
My God, what a spoiled world we have created. Like dresses should be soooo important instead of what the day represents. The union of two people who are in love. So disappointed to read some of these responses.
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If you haven’t purchased the 1st dress, purchase what the Bridezilla wants. Your Friend will be someone you won’t know until after her Honeymoon😳Be patient, she won’t know herself either.
If you want to be in the wedding I think you should do as the Bride requests. It is HER one big day after all.
This is why I would rather just attend not be in the wedding .
Too late for that for you you have all ready committed.
Try to go along and be helpful and supportive of your friend, do not hurt her feelings and hurt friendship .
I am an old Hippie girl we did weddings outside in nature and had pot luck food afterward and then played games like volleyball and did saunas together, and smoked pot .
Relaxed and fun no one was uptight .
Seems how it is the brides decision to have what she wants for her wedding, you have one of two choices. Either wear the type of dress she wants or remove yourself from the wedding party. Its pretty simple
If she is paying for it, then she can chose whatever she likes and you girls will have to honour and humour her by wearing it. But if you are paying for it, then the bride has to be reasonable to your choice!! You can’t chose a lifestyle and expect someone else to pay for it!!
Her wedding, her CHOICE. If you’ve been chosen as the Maid of Honor, then that speaks to your relationship. You are the “special maid”. The bride is obviously still working on making decisions and the decisions are hers to make. When my youngest daughter was planning her wedding, she went to David’s Bridal and chose 3 different styles of dresses in her color and then let the Maid of Honor and bridesmaid choose the style they preferred of the 3. The shoes she let them have complete freedom in choice of style and either the marine blue (wedding color), black, or a dark color. It is a well known fact that many many many bridesmaids dresses have been colors and styles that the bridesmaids absolutely hated. But, because it was the brides’ weddings, they had the final say. It’s for a 1-2 hour event. Surely you can wear what your friend chooses. If you’re paying for the dress and it’s super expensive, then have a kind discussion about the price and choice. If she still demands the unwanted expensive dress, you may have to make the sad decision of losing her friendship. Thankfully, my daughter kept her girls’ likes in mind! Best of luck!
Well, to be fair, it’s her wedding. I’ve never been in a wedding where I choose what I want in terms of style just because I’m paying. The theme is vintage and you don’t want to buy vintage style? Lol.
Not forgetting I had the most supportive Made of honor, her experience meant a lot to calm me down. If you pull odd as the status one, then u r to create a mess. Remember you also r to coordinate the bridesmaids. Don’t be neg
When i got married i had a colour scheme i told the girls there dresses had to be black and white because thats what my dress was they got to pick the style i paid for the dress they paid for the hair and makeup trial i paid for them on the day plus a thankyou gift plus all drinks on the day.
It’s the brides wedding… what she says goes …. Purple dress with green polka dots. It’s her wedding
What do you mean you feel “uncomfortable” with vintage?
Is that code word for not liking the style?? Is that really a good enough reason to alter the brides wedding visions?
And why are you bringing up what the grooms are doing … sounds like you’re sulking because you liked a certain dress… you need to push those feelings aside and focus on your friend. Practice just being excited for her and wonder to yourself, “how can I support my friend with this great honour she had given me?”
You don’t want to regret this.
Enjoy the day as much as you can. Buy the cheapest but nicest vintage dress that both you and the bride like. Maybe you could hire a dress? Or heck… check the return policy and keep the tags on. And I bet you will surprise yourself and find a vintage dress you like. Please make sure you put in a good effort to find a vintage dress that you like because the bride will feel it if you are sulking all day long during the wedding.
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Weddings are complicated and stressful enough without the maid of honor refusing to wear a certain style. It’s HER day. Get over yourself.
If she wants a specific dress then the bride should be paying for it herself, not dictating what you have to pay for on her behalf
You do as the bride says or bow out of the position. I get it trust me but it’s her day and it’s a small request. She’s not being a bridezilla. This is a very standard request.
It’s actually why people should consider ,before they accept to being in the bridal party,it’s a big ask,her wedding,it would be different if you had bought the dress but you didn’t, so why does it matter
Not your wedding so you don’t have a say in it. If she wants you to dress a certain style/color your job is to just do it
Unless you feel completely humiliated in it or completely uncomfortable then
It’s her day…you are there to support her. Not fight her.
Wear the dress, Keep it, and sell it afterwards If you need.
You accepted a position and a role…play the role and be excited she likes the theme and it makes her happy. Do it because it makes her happy.
Same reason a good partner goes shopping with the other, or hands tools off or watches that one movie,
because part of loving someone is doing what makes them smile from time to time and putting our wants aside on occasion. In turn seeing that joy from someone you love, feeling it, brings you joy.
If that relationship is reciprocated then you know they’ll do the same for you.
yeah, if you don’t like the dress and you are paying for it I would back out now. Might cause some issues with your friendship so be honest and try not to hurt her feelings if you chose to not be in the wedding.
If you are maid of honour I would expect you to be best friends with the bride. She should want to you feel comfortable and confident in your dress, there is nothing worse than being dressed in something uncomfortable and unflattering it will ruin your day especially with all the photos and things. I’d speak to her about your concerns, maybe even try the dress. If it’s really not for you and she won’t budge on the style I would bow out. Best friends should listen and respect one another BRIDE or not. Iv been a bridesmaid a few times and always involved in picking the dress I was going to wear. X
You do what she wants it’s her wedding. When it’s your wedding you can pick her dress.
The bride and groom should be paying their dresses and suits for them. It is an honor to be in their wedding then cough up that money for that too. Just have a couple of attendants in the wedding then. You will have nicer and close up pictures too.
It’s not your wedding and it isn’t about you or what you want. If you aren’t even willing to wear the style dress she wants, maybe you should just be a guest and where whatever you like instead. Your job as a MOH or even just a bridesmaid is to make sure the bride is happy and to do whatever you can to make things run smoothly for her. When you accept a position in a bridal party, it is no longer about you. It’s about the bride (and groom if he’s involved in the planning).
It’s her wedding. Bridesmaids generally don’t get a choice so be happy for your friend or don’t be in the wedding
You must follow the bride’s rules. Maybe you can find a dressmaker who can make a vintage looking style you can stomach. Sorry, but in my area, the bride’s wishes are law. If you really can’t do it, let her know in time to replace you as maid of honor. You may destroy the friendship, though. I would just suck it up and wear the dress she wants.
It’s her wedding. It’s not ahoitbwhat you want. You either want to be the maid of honor or you don’t.
I think its really dumb that bridesmaid’s or whatever have to pay for their dresses etc. If you want to get married and have the people you love there you should pay for the way you want it.
It’s not your wedding. Just support your friend damn!! What kind of “all about me” friend are you anyway? You really should step down as maid of honor.
The bride should foot the bill for the dress, since she changed her mind at the last minute.
Her wedding do what she wants if you hate it that much don’t be maid of honour. You can do what you want for your wedding
It’s her day not yours
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Get the dress. Use the dress. Return the dress.
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Sorry, it’s Bride’s Choice. If that has more weight for you than your friendship for the bride, you should bow out.
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I understand the people saying if she’s paying she shouldn’t have to, however she can also decline to be part of the wedding if she’s that bothered. It’s her wedding so ultimately its her choice
Rent one or find a vintage one in a thrift store. Or just return the dress after and say it didn’t fit right. You could even keep the tag on and hide it if you’re worried. Lol really not a big problem. Worse things than vintage but unless it’s 80’s style. I wouldn’t consider that vintage though but I’m getting kinda old so who knows now.
If you are going to be a maid of honor or a bridesmaid, it is not about you. You do what the bride wants or give the maid of honor to someone else.
A downside of being in a wedding. It’s the brides day.
I paid for all the groomsmen and bridesmaids stuff because I wanted exact matching outfits and no one had money to waste on what I wanted and something they’d never wear again
I’d just get the vintage dress. That’s your friend and it’s her day.
You didn’t buy the first dress so I don’t see a problem? It’s not like your in for 2. Vintage isn’t my style either but I’d wear it for the sake of the bride.
It’s her day. That pretty much sums it up.
It depends on the friendship if a true friend she will let you get what you like. My bridesmaid rang me and said I bought my dress and that was it. I hadn’t seen it. Then she phones and said she took the sleeves off!!!. Her dress was lovely…on the day we went to her dressers and she said she didn’t.like her hair I gave her shampoo and hair dryer and left her to it.
Her wedding her decision but being very honest if you don’t like it and it’s stressing you out this much then resign your position of maid of honor…. Let someone else deal with the headache. When I was a bridesmaid all the bridesmaids decided to get the same style of dress I was the only one who didn’t like that style they chose because I am a triple D and all the other bridesmaids were anywhere between A and c cup and the dress was very low cut so it showed way too much cleavage I felt like a hooker but I told the bride if she didn’t mind me having all my cleavage out there then I guess I won’t have a problem with it either. Also it was a vera Wang $300 dress that I will never wear ever again
Why would you go against the theme of her wedding? If you didn’t purchase a dress yet, it’s not a big deal that she changed her mind. It’s her special day and that’s what you agree to when accept the title of maid of honor. Would you want a bridesmaid in your wedding pushing you to change the theme if you had been planning out your special day? And yes you are paying for the dress… but trust me when I say no matter what style it is, you probably will never wear it again. At least with vintage you could wear it for Halloween or like a roaring 20s/gatsby party. As a side note, I could send you multiple pictures of dresses I’ve worn as a bridesmaid that I haven’t loved. It’s pretty common, especially because she’s trying to please multiple people, not just you. Maybe you’ve never been in a wedding before?
When I got married, I asked my maid of honour and my bridesmaid what dress they wanted to wear… My bridesmaid said she didn’t care… So I took my maid of honour in to choose a pattern she liked and would be comfortable wearing… I choose the material/colour etc and she and I choose the pattern…
My bridesmaids mum made her dress and my maid of honour choose her dress pattern and made both her dress as well as my wedding dress…all gorgeous…
Shoes… I said wear whatever… My MOH found a pair of white strappy heels when she was out of town for $10…me and my BM tried them on - they fit, so we ordered another 2 pairs and we all ended up wearing the same shoes…
I was far from brideszilla…and had a wonderful day…
Being a bridesmaid, I’ve been happy with the dresses chosen for me… And I’m about to be a bridesmaid again and was given 2 options to choose from…as I have large boobs, I chose the one with straps, as I can’t wear strapless… The other 2 BMs have to wear the dress with straps too because of me… But they look stunning in the dresses and are happy with it…
I think it is definitely up to the bride what they want their BMs to wear… But should also be accommodating to their needs to…like me having large breasts and can’t go strapless… Or a larger sized BM, not wearing a short mini dress…or a massive scar that you normally cover up - having a dress that covers it… BMs need to feel comfortable and beautiful on the day to…
But regarding the “style” of dress - It might not be the style you like, but if the bride has chosen the dress, then you should wear it…if she wants vintage - you wear vintage… If she wants you in an orange dress with purple polka dots - you wear it…
I’m honoured to be a bridesmaid…ive been “chosen” to play an important role in a close friend’s wedding… And I want nothing more, then to have my friends have a special day…and if she wants to change from dress to dress - that’s her choice. So suck it up buttercup… Wear what the bride has chosen…
Moaning about the style of dress is being insensitive to the bride - telling her that basically she has no taste, just because it’s not to “your” liking…
Girl. It is NOT your wedding 
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It’s not about YOU. It’s her day . Respect her wishes or don’t go…
Get the dress she wants or don’t be in the wedding.
You don’t need to be a bridesmaid if you are not happy about it . The choice is yours
Ok so for a start its not HER day it’s THEIR day, as maid of honour that is an honour to be chosen over everyone else to take on that role. You obviously mean alot to the bride and groom and this is their way of showing you that, is the dress she has chosen really that bad? Have you tried it on? Sometimes dresses look totally different once wore, you may even surprise yourself, also as maid of honour its not uncommon to have a slightly different dress to the rest of the bridesmaids. Could you talk to the bride and come to a compromise on a slightly different dress? Would you be happy to wear the dress for your friends big day if they were to pay towards the dress of their choice? After all it’s a dress, you will wear it for a few hours and can then sell it on, is a dress worth ruining a friendship and a wedding day over? Weddings are stressful to plan, brides and grooms are trying to create their dream day whilst pleasing the many family and friends they want to join them. I’m sure once the day arrives and the emotions are flowing, the atmosphere is in full swing, all eyes are on the happy couple ect you will hardly remember your wearing a dress that is not exactly your style. Stand out as the maid of honour for the right reasons, I’m sure the dress isn’t that bad and you will look beautiful. Talk to the bride about hair and make-up ideas, get yours done similar and go try the dress on, if it still doesn’t work I’m sure she will see it and hopefully you can work together to find a dress that works for you both. Good luck xx
Women love to be in control and blow money. Just go to Vegas to get married. Use the wedding money to buy a home. Using that money will save you thousands of dollars in interest.
She’s a headache of a bridezilla but again it’s her day. So I suggest to just go with her flow. There should a be method in her madness somewhere.
If you don’t want to be the maid of honor let her know. That’s your option
It’s not about you. Either wear what the bride wants you to wear or step down as maid of honor/bridesmaid 🤷🏾
See I think it should be up to bride to pay for it when there telling you what to wear how to have your hair/make up no way i could do it then expect them pay for it that’s tacky
Honor her by honoring her wishes.
I don’t get asking someone to be in your wedding and not paying for the dress
It’s HER wedding… You dress the way the bride wants. Its the brides decision…
It’s her wedding, not yours.
This isn’t about you honey lol buy the dress she tells you to and if you hate it that much then sell it after
Its her wedding, not about you. You only have to wear it for a few hours, suck it up and do it for your friend