I have been with my boyfriend 8 years...why hasn't he proposed?

Mid twenties is still young

Girl SAME😭 7 years this past April, been together since we were 16. We’re now 24 and have 3 kids together. Forever a girlfriend a guess😂

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Compromise. If he doesn’t want to marry and you want the parade, do a commitment ceremony.

When its right theyll marry you within a year so maybe he doesnt feel like it is.

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Went through the same thing, long relationships, yes, did it more than once… never been married. Sigh.

Slow down… You wouldn’t want to be nagged about something you don’t want to do. He isn’t ready. At least he is being honest. At your age I wasn’t even thinking about getting married. Hell I was still trying to learn what I wanted in life and how to fend for myself. I was 31 before I had my first baby and got married 3 yrs later. Then had our second. Been married 8yrs together almost 12yrs. I was the one who wasn’t ready to get married even after I said yes. I knew I loved him. But I just needed more time.

What’s the difference between being married and not? If he makes you happy just keep it the way it is. Don’t let society control you. Deprogram yourself from everything you’ve learned telling you a woman must be married to be happy.

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Marriage is important to a lot of people. If it wasn’t, there wouldn’t be nearly as many married couples in the world… So I’m not sure why you’re getting so much negative feedback in the comments.

Sit down with him and tell him outright how you feel about everything. Tell him how important it is to you. If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, would getting that certificate hurt him in any way? Nope. It would actually benefit the both of you. Ask his side of things… Try to get some insight as to why he’s so against it.

Or… you propose to him. It’s 2022. I know most women want it to come from their man, but it’s equally romantic when the woman initiates things. :slight_smile:

Everyone has their own goals and aspirations, their own timeline for when they want things done. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your desires to get married. If he doesn’t have the same goals in mind, and it’s really that important to you… then yes, you’re wasting your time. You’ll never be truly happy or satisfied knowing you’ll be with a person who never has your shared major goals in mind.

I wish the best for both of you. :heart:

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My mom actually proposed to her hubby because he was dead set about not remarrying but when she did he replied you have stuck around x amount of years let’s do this. They have been happily married for 8 years now

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So I met my husband when I was 16 and him 15 we were together for 10 years before he asked me to marry him got married at our 11 year anniversary now been married for 6 years some just aren’t ready yet its a big step to take

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Maybe you should propose to him. It’s not the 19th century anymore

It took my now husband of 16 years 6 years and 2 kids before we got married. I thought the same. If it’s meant to be he will in his own time. He may be scared of change. There is other stuff that changes like doing taxes, your name , some men change how they view your relationship and your duties as a woman when you get married. Good luck hang in there

Marriage is overrated. I’ll never get married again. I have 2 kids with my boyfriend. I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life but I won’t marry again. As long as you both are happy then what’s the problem?

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You want to be a wife or his wife . There is a difference . Sounds to me that you are in love with the idea of being married and being a wife . Do you actually love him or the status ’ wife ’ that he can provide.

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Stop putting a time line on things and let them happen. I met my husband when I was almost 22, married him just before I turned 29, had our first baby a week before 30, and second just before 32.

Mid 20s is still young. Doesn’t feel like it, but it is. If you want to be with him, then just be with him. Don’t put pressure on marriage. If you put too much thought and energy into wanting to get married, it loses its meaning and you lose the man you love.

That same thing happened to me and I decided to leave… It was the best thing I ever could have done now looking back at it all… It took everything I had to get over him and but it made me the strong person that I am today… Who know sticking to your guns and leaving will prompt him to move forward and marry you…do you really want this and do you want to bring kids into the world with him… You have to be honest with yourself and only you can make this decision.

You guys are still young. Enjoy your 20s and live life together. If you love each other that is all you really need. Work on your careers in your 20s. That way you could afford a wedding, kids, house with a picket fence. Don’t need a piece of paper right this second to prove your love. Just saying.

You’re growing webbed feet

Why do you need to get married?
If it’s a deal breaker then be done!
If it’s not then tell him how you feel but you done 8 years is it really that big of a deal? Did you ever actually sit down and ask why or have an actual conversation without getting mad just a legit convo??

Why don’t you propose?

Girl, my husband and I didn’t get married till we were together 9 years; I was fine with it. And even then, we got married after he graduated Navy Boot, we went to the courthouse. I know some women want a wedding but that wasn’t me at all so it worked for us.
If I had a do-over, I’d have given him an ultimatum but TBH, I’m glad I got to enjoy my 20’s (I absolutely would not have kids till we were married) and now I have 2 beautiful babies. No regrets at all.

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My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we just got married this year in April. I am 30 and He is 32.

Legal binding doesn’t make things better…. It often makes things worse. Just be smart about it and don’t have children with him or help pay for things your name isn’t on.

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You’re a placeholder until he finds the woman he really wants to marry. If he does propose, it means he’s settled. You deserve more, do you not?

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You are young still! Is this the only real issue???However if he never brings it up or doesn’t want to talk abt it I would concerned…I would usually say move on but at that age I think it would be too soon

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Don’t waste any more time!

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3 divorces, getting married dosent change the feelings. But it’s much more expensive to get out of. You are young. You started dating him at a young age. Make sure he is mature enough.

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He’s immature and not serious. 8 years is a LONG time to be with someone…there could be a number of reasons he hasn’t proposed yet, including he’s still keeping an eye out for the one who takes his breath away and he can’t live without.

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If he hasn’t by now he won’t. I was with a man for 7 years never did. We broke up ive been with the man in with now for 3 he did in the first year.

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My husband and I didn’t get married until I was 29. We have been together 11 years married 4

I was with an ex for 7 years before I realized he wasn’t going to ask me. So I proposed to him he said no at first then changed his mind. Then he stated coming up with every condition under the sun that had to be met before it could happen. I realized it was marriage he was afraid of. I would have preferred to never have asked if I had it to do over. Marriage is just a piece of paper work on the relationship first and stuff like that will figure itself out. I lost him by the way and nearly lost myself in the process. Took me 10 more years to get an apology from him.

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My husband and I were together 9 years before he asked, 10 years before we got married. It’ll happen! the more it was brought up and talked about it seemed that it took longer. Maybe he wants to do it on his own time, in his own way, and make it special…

Nut up and propose to him. It is 2022. We can do that.
(Hell, I did it in 1999 lol).

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My husband and I were together 9 years before he asked, 10 years before we got married. It’ll happen! the more it was brought up and talked about it seemed that it took longer. Maybe he wants to do it on his own time, in his own way, and make it special…

My husband and I were together 9 years before he asked, 10 years before we got married. It’ll happen! the more it was brought up and talked about it seemed that it took longer. Maybe he wants to do it on his own time, in his own way, and make it special…

Well I was with mine for 5 years and no ring and I turned 25. He knew I wanted to get married. I told him that if he didn’t want the same things I did or if we were not engaged by the time I graduated college we should go our separate ways. He did propose six months later and we have been married almost 17 years. I wouldn’t wait forever. Have the talk.

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Tell him its now or never we either get married or I will find someone who wants to marry me

It’s just a piece of paper. Some times it changes thing for the worst sometimes it doesn’t. If e everything is good to go now then I would leave it alone. Just know it’s easy getting into a marriage but very hard to get out of one.

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It could be a money issue. I could never afford a ring if things were reverse.

Been with my husband since I was 14. I’m 32 and we just got married last year.

Leave I had tons of bad relationship I’ m getting married at the age of 61

Soooo, you’re still young. Like your boyfriend says. Slow ya roll.

First off this is something you guys should have talked about when things started getting serious to see where you both stand on marriage. Second you are only 24 you are still young like he said. Maybe he doesn’t want to get married, or he is not ready. You can’t pressure someone if they are just not ready because then maybe you will push him to just not to get married at all. The first 4 years of your relationship you were just teenagers and until you guys were 18 you wouldn’t have been able to get married anyway. I mean I would understand if you were getting into your late 20’s early 30’s and he still hadn’t purposed but you are still young. Not everyone wants to get married young.

A piece of paper doesn’t define you’re love for one another.
You’re heart makes you married.

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Patience is key don’t use ultimatums or you will scare him off. He’s probably trying to find the right moment to propose. Just be patient, I think he wants to make it worth it to propose to you.

It was 27 years for me

Marriage is overrated. If you are happy together you don’t need a ring. All you get is financial obligations you don’t need.

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24 is young to get married…Wait 3 more years then talk about it again.

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We common law married over here been 9year this july I’m 26 not married with my kids dad. Paper doesn’t define love…

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I dont think your relationship is bad
Does he tell you he loves you, do you have a good time together, any fighting going on between you at times. Do you trust him. If you are ok with your answers then stick with him. You have been together sense your teens he just wants to grow up a little. Once he marries you you may work through things together but it is the man’s responsibility to make sure you guys are ready. He sounds like a good guy if your relationship is good dont run because you are not getting your way. Thats why there are so many divorces out here.

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You two were really young when your relationship started and you are STILL young. Young enough that you are likely not the same people as when you started dating 8 years ago. People grow and learn more about their likes and dislikes in their twenties, he could be worried that the two of you may grow in different directions. I wouldn’t sweat it just yet, but if it is genuinely a make or break issue for you then you’d have to ask yourself if you are prepared to walk away over a piece of paper.

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When he want to live with you but he doesn’t love you enough to marry you

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If your getting along great, don’t fight all the time, have your finances fixed good then don’t worry about getting married. And Never buy Anything in both of your names. Especially a house.

Been with mine for over 14 years and I’m happy with how we are marriage is a piece of paper

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If you are happy there should be no problem to have an expensive party
Maybe hes just not that into marriage

As the old saying goes why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.

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I was 30 before I got married. Lived with each other 10 years before marriage. It’s no different except you take his name and a legal piece of paper and debt of a wedding. Except we had a outside wedding in June and no debt. A small intimate wedding. I beleive the only reason besides loving each other is that we were in the process of adopting children and we all wanted the last name to be the same. We will be married 31 years June 29.

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I was 19 when I got married and 11 years later I got divorce. Trust me wait . A lot of those who marry young end up divorce. Your stoll growing and changing take your time.

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Is it really that Important??? Giving an ultimatum will drive a wedge… My eldest and her partner have been together 11 years . They finally getting married next year . Priorities first . Happy life? Stable home?

Go. Simply because you said you “want to be a wife,” you didn’t say you want to be his wife.

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First to begin, your friend isn’t your friend to try to turn you against your bf. Sounds as though she’s jealous that you and your bf have been together all this time. How many bfs has she changed in that 8 years? You didn’t say any negative things about yr bf other than he hadn’t ask you to marry him, so I’m guessing he’s a good man. Are you willing to lose him because of something like that.? You are young still, give it a couple more years and bring it up.

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I used to think I’d get married at 23. Thank god that was a stupid idea because I’m a completely different person at 27 & I’d have hated it. I love the idea of marriage too, but there is genuinely no rush. My mum remarried in her fourties’ and she’s happier than ever, she wishes she never had in her twenties. It makes sense personally.

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Why should he sign the contract when he’s getting full service without it? Contracts cost money if you break them… as is, he could just walk away with little financial impact.

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You answered your own question.

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Sis I’m about to be 24 and I can’t imagine getting married right now. We ARE young.

Time as past. Tell him just what you want. If he really loves he will commit. If not tell him you are hitting the road. But it is really up to YOU

Jeeesshh some of these comments. The best thing you can do is COMMUNICATE. Tell him you know he doesn’t want to talk about that and you have respected it for this long but you at least deserve a CONVERSATION about it. You deserve to know why he seems so against it and IF he ever has a plan to get married in the future as well as voicing your own feelings on it. After that, all you can do is see where the conversation takes you and do what you feel is best depending on how that goes. But communication is everything. Don’t just leave him to get his attention that’s petty HS behavior, not wife behavior.

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Lord :grimacing::see_no_evil: honey you are still young at 25! In a few shirt years you will be a completely different person. Don’t rush it. If he is tell you to give him time and just wait , then do just that. If you can’t, then break up and find out who u truly are before going in to another relationship. My husband and I’ve been together ever since I was 15 had her first kid at 16 my second kid at 19 my third kid at 20 we got married when I was 20 we’ve been married for 14 years now and together for 20. I’m 35 my kids are 17,14&12. No rush to get married just to say you are married. Enjoy life right now and stop getting hung up on titles of husband and wife etc.

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Tell him you want to at least be engaged by a certain date. If he doesn’t come through, end it! A man who loves a woman will do anything in his power to keep her. At least you’ll know where he stands.

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Ask him to marry you, why wait for him to ask. If his answer is no, then move on

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Ask him if it’s that important to you

Getting married is a pain…just be with the person u love…without the paper. You are still a baby…with a lot to learn…just wait til he’s ready

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Just be. If it’s ment to be it will be. Your still so young :heart:

He doesn’t want to get married. Maybe his parents didn’t work and he doesn’t want that.

Decide if he is what you want or marriage.
You have a choice

Spending 8yrs with someone is a long time. By now there should be an obvious indication if the relationship is going places. If not, it’s time to define lines and make choices

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Well you probably already give him what he wants and he ain’t ever going to marry you.cut him off and you may see the true him.I hope you wanted an honest answer.im really sorry to be so bold but in a man and I tell the truth.been through alot of shit in my days.next time you meet someone don’t give in maybe even ask what their looking for in a relationship. Watch out cause a hornie man will flat out lie.im 65 a6nd been there and done it all,seen it all.

Why do you want to get married? If your relationship is good now, how is being married going to make it better?

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25 is still young, in the grand scheme of things. Also, is getting married really going to change your relationship, or would it just be a title change? I think if you’re truly happy in the relationship, you shouldn’t worry about being married and should just enjoy being happy together❤️

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I have been with my partner for 20 years in Jan 2023. We met when I was 18. He only proposed last year. Marriage wasn’t a deal breaker for me. If it is for you then you have to consider what you want to do.

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Just because you’re in your 20’s does not mean you have to rush your life. He could love you & not want to be married and that’s okay! Marriage is not for everybody & it’s okay to never want to be married either.

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Because he doesn’t want to. :woman_shrugging:t2: If you 2 are happy together and in love that should be all that matters. Some men just don’t want to be married.

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Marriage is just a piece of paper. I’ve known couples that have been together with kids for over 20 years and aren’t married. If you truly love someone it shouldn’t matter. Coming from someone who is married and has been since she was 19.

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Maybe he just doesn’t want to… maybe you should do it

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I’m just going to be real. I’m blunt so take what ever you want from this.

You remind me of my husbands sister… bitter, a nag, and basically wanting to force someone to do something they either A. He’s not ready yet, 2. He wants to strive because let’s be honest NOTHING IS CHEAP or AFFORDABLE anymore. And C. He’s saving for the perfect ring for you!

You’re 24! Live your life! But it seems as if you’re just wanting that title “WIFE” do you even know the duties that comes with being a wife?

I’ll tell you. My anniversary of 10 years YES 10 years of marriage with my husband. You gotta cook every day for your man, pack his lunch every night for work, wash his clothes every weekend, take care of him when he is sick, in the hospital opp guess what you gotta take care of him then too. Not only when he is in the hospital(keep the house cleaned, food, dogs taken care of etc) but you have to be a nurse for him. For the rest of your life! I love my job as a wife and a mom.My husband was in the hospital I had to be his CNA do all the things they do for old people you do for your man! Hold it down!

It’s not that he doesn’t want to marry you because I’m sure you’re great but if you’re pushing him to do something he DOESNT want to do that’s going to push him away…

I’m being as real as I am. I won’t sugar coat anything like these other people… take a step back and put your self in his shoes…

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Because why commit when he has everything. You weren’t taught about having respect for your self and your body. You gave it away without a ring on it

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I like what Ann Landers said “the sample is ample” why get married when he gets what he wants without paying the piper?

guess what 8yrs and he hasnt proposed sounds like he content in the sitution. Myself i dont think hes going to propose Sorry sweetie take ur loses r stay thats the choice u have to make

my parents were together for over a decade, got married then divorced a year later. Marriage is the number one reason for divorce! lol

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We are high school sweet hearts and didn’t get married for 10 years. If your commented than that’s awesome. If you have to have that paper saying your married then tell him that. But if you’re happy than just be happy.

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I mean he’s not ready you can’t force him. You both are happy why pressure him into it. Just live life have fun. If it’s meant to be it will be. I mean are you gonna leave him just because he won’t ask you to marry him??? I was like that with my daughters father he finally asked after 9 years and we broke up at 11 years. Thank god I didn’t marry him.

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You don’t need a paper to be happy, don’t rock the boat, be happy as you are! You are still legally married if you are living together after 5 years as common law so you don’t get a ring big deal, be happy as you are…buy yourself your own ring?

Why should he ? He’s got it made, and no commitments .

Seems like it’s time to sit down with him and have a conversation. You are young maybe a long engagement?

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Some people just don’t want to get married. They can commit, and do the rest but marriage isn’t something they want. Maybe he’s one.

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Sometimes, it helps if you talk to your parents no matter what if you’re feeling this he needs to know … Marriage is great but honestly babe the only thing that changed was a ring on my finger and a last name. The love was an will always be great the bond yall share should be enough! Talk to him .

Does he believe in marriage? Lots of people these days aren’t religious and don’t want to involve religion and the government in their relationship. When I’d been with my boyfriend for 5 years and asked him why we weren’t engaged yet he said “Why would I want our relationship recognised by the government and god? They are 2 things I hate.”

I’m with him. Yall are young, give it time. Maybe he wants to save for a house first. Save for a nice ring. Save for future kids. Chill out and wait until he’s ready. It’s not like you’re pushing 40

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What will change as a wife, except your surname? People place SO much weight on a title, like it makes you more valuable or something :rofl:
He probably doesn’t want to marry you…wonder why…

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What’s stopping you from proposing? If marriage is what you really want - ask him! He’s probably a bit daunted by your expectations - proposal/romantic gesture, if he knows you want it then there’s more pressure to make it ‘perfect’. Maybe his idea of what marriage means is different, from yours. Maybe his family will start hassling about kids after marriage and he’s not ready for that yet - you’re still young!
Best to have an open discussion of expectations & where you see your relationship going in the long term - make sure you’re both happy & want the same things. If you’re happy & committed to each other then that’s all that really matters!

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