I have lost feelings for my husband: Advice?

You married for better or worse. Why have you lost feelings? Has he lost his? You said you had a perfect marriage. What made it perfect? What’s missing now? If he’s happy and you’re not, it’s you. Not him. What are you missing that you were getting before? It’s up to you to find out why you’re unhappy.

I can’t be of help because I still have very loving feelings for my husband of almost 55 years. He is my everything. He has always been my best friend and I am his best friend. I almost lost him 10 years ago when he had a massive heart attack. I really don’t know what I would do with out him.

Marriage is not all about having warm fuzzy feelings everyday and butterflies. You do lose some of the “in love” and passion feelings. You can get all of these things back but it will require work on both of your parts. Marriage is a lifelong friend I have a lifelong partner always have your back period at the end of it all that person will become your best friend and confidant more than even your lover. I think you need to dig deep and assess what you believe in real marriage looks like. Good luck to you. :heart:

It’s what you put into something. Feelings aren’t their automatically like ‘endorphins’ in the beginning stages of a relationship. Every relationship takes time and work. If you don’t believe this you will learn the hard way. You will find yourself in the same situation with someone else but have more problems because you took your kids from their father.

That is what marriage is. Don’t walk away because your just not feeling it because you will be affecting his life, your life and your children lives. No marriage is perfect it is taking the good with bad and giving it all you got.

Love is not a feeling after awhile. It is a choice and it takes work. Fires burn bright at first and will fizzle out if not tended to. Many have said it better than I can. Unless you have a reason to be unhappy, make it work. Date him again. Rekindle the fire.

1 Like

I truly believe you would regret leaving eventually. If the marriage has been great for the most part and you’ve just lost feelings that’s not really a reason to leave. Do stuff to rekindle the flame. Especially since you have children.

Marriage shouldnt be based on feelings. Emotions are fickle and change. Marriage is a choice. You habe to choose to be married everyday regardless of how you feel. If you cant make the commitment dont tie the knot.
So my advice is choose consciously, not based on how you feel emotionally.

Water your grass and it will be greener. Your not always going to like each other, but it sounds like he loves you.


Love is a choice that you have to make each day whether you wake up liking that person or not, if your marriage is going to work. I’d say, keep fighting. Keep discovering each other. I wouldn’t give up.

If you can honestly say you or he has never hit you, talked mean, kept the other person sad, disregarded your budget, family, or yourself, then stay with it. Get some therapy, get a vacation scheduled for yourself and your spouse. But don’t give up. It’s crappy out there. You think you have the brains, money to start over, but you don’t. Without your spouse, you are not a team. You tear apart your family, your relatives, your friends, your job. It’s a loosing deal. Trust me. I did and I lost . Big time.

Go out on a date. Have sometime alone with each other to bring back the old times why did you fall in love.

Lots of married couples fall in and out of love. The best part of this cycle is the falling back into love with your partner.

Marriage is hard. Being with someone in the trenches every day is HARD my husband and I went through this. We got counseling. It’s work. But if he’s abusive get out. But if not-try to stick it out. It’ll be worth it.

Try to make things work… You will fall in and out of love many times. Work at it and fall back in love…

When you got married didn’t y’all discuss what you would do if you fall out of love?

Discuss y’all love language and make a commitment to each other in using that to show that you appreciate them.

The small things you do for each other everyday is what will amount to you waking up once again saying damn I love him.

Maybe you both need to just date each other for while and see how it goes from there. Sometimes it’s that your not in love . maybe take time out for each and see how that goes. I don’t beleive being with someone for that long and you are not in love. What made you fall in love the first place.

Spend a week with me as a single mom and see the other side of reality. Unless one or the other is committing adultery which was my ending circumstance, you better fight like hell to figure it out because it’s hell on the other side of selfishness.

Maybe u feel like that because you’re missing something from your husband maybe try to rekindle the fire to make sure you no longer have feelings for him

Find gratitude. Learn that love is consistency. Make time to have fun. Rediscover yourself as a person and the 2 of you as a couple.

There is a great book called light his fire (and a light his fire). It was simple concepts, but really helped me not just in a romantic nature, but all my relationships across the board. I highly recommend it to anyone.

Can a person fall out of love without a reason? I don’t know. But, in a world of disposable everything, I would fight to find that love again. It isn’t always easy…thete were times I didn’t like my husband but I always loved him. We were together 40 years and married for 38 before he passed. I would do anything to have him back.

1 Like

As long as theres no addiction or abuse you should try to make it work. If then its really not working then leave. Whatever you do dont try to make it work for the sake of kids. Them kids pick up on that and it’s not good for any of yous. Some people will judge you for leaving your marriage but they living in the olden days. Alot of comments say theres more and more divorces these days. Yes cos us women dont have to put up n shut up anymore like they did years ago. Good luck whatever you decide to do x

I would say try to rekindle feelings. Give it a shot but give it a time line too. Say ok we’ll give it one more year if still not working than move on at that point is best for all.

Good for being honest with your husband and awesome that he wants to make it work. The love can be rekindled. There is a good movie about a similar situation called Fireproof with Kirk Cameroon. The idea is rediscovering that love.

Everyone says ‘its hard work’ or ‘go on date nights’. But really, she’s being honest. She doesn’t feel for him anymore. Life is short. It’s also ok to part ways. Don’t stay unhappy for a lifetime.

I’m sorry not to be rude but I don’t see how a person falls out of love with some one that they truly love :heart: sounds like and excuse for something marriage takes work it’s not meant to be easy maybe y’all need counseling or something and if that don’t help than maybe set him free because you ain’t doing him any favors

And old saying but a wise saying: If you didn’t have bad times you will never know when the good times happen. In any relationship it evolves. 10 years you have lived and experienced the good and the bad in each other. You may not realize this but you can work on your relationship. Date nights are important. But if you jump ship and meet someone else and think it is wonderful, in 10 years you will feel the same about that person. You Evolve…

Date nights. Times to sit and just talk. 15 minutes each day to just sit together and talk about your day and your feelings.

1 Like

Its normal to feel that way the best you can is start all over fall in love with date and take a trip just for the two of you to rekindle your memories. Am sure you all are ready to try working on new things Love is beautiful

I would spend some time trying to find out for sure if those feelings are gone for good before i left a good marriage and a stable family.

Be patient. Stick it out unless he is abusive. Keeping one is a lot easier than getting a new one and having to train him.

1 Like

My main advice for marriages unsure if it’s to late at this point but is date your husband!

Same happened here. We put away all our concerns. Had family keep kids. We went away together and talked about why we were together in first together. Try something new together. Have sex even of you aren’t interested but take your time and talk about both your needs. Pretend you just met. If you really look at yourselves, you’ll see that you probably dont treat each other with the same respect you give every other person in your life. Agree to start over by dating and finding each other again. In guessing that after kids your lives became about them and not you as a couple and you stopped being a couple and started being parents. Schedule date night and always go without kids and never cancel. Its important that you treat each other like they are the most important thing in your life. I started leaving him little notes in this lunch and just giving him little things as a surprise like his favorite music or candy bar and before long he was doing similar things. I fell in love with him all over again. However, I learned I was as much to blame as he was for us drifting apart. I am so glad we did it all because ten years later he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and was gone 30 days later. It has been 3 years and I still miss him every single day, every day.


Leave, dont ask for any alimony or child support. Dont take half of his pension, or the house.

If you are the one who wants out, then be respectful and dont twist the knife in his heart

Start with this thought… can you picture him laughing, smiling, kissing another? Can you imagine him making love to someone else?. Don’t just jump to I wouldn’t care. Honestly sit back and imagine another doing everything y’all did when it was fresh, new, exciting. Now picture him kissing her forehead, gently sweeping hair from her face while they giggle then embrace. Picture another woman with him, your kids and building a life and family including her possibly having children with him, him kissing her belly… Now picture those crappy things in life and amazing things that you have gone through when all you wanted was to share your great news or in the sad times needing his comforting embrace.
You took vows. Marriage is not always rainbows and butterflies its work. Lots of hard work and dedication.
When the light bulb burns out do you simply get a new house or change the bulb. You fix the bulb.
Your choice will also affect your children are you ready to say to them Daddy and I are getting a divorce because at this point basically marriage has lost it’s spark, fun.
Finally imagine the call that he isn’t ever coming home again are you shook to the core ? Or relieved?
Plan dates, one on one time, communicate, treat him and your relationship like you did in the beginning, you know back when you would move Mountains to just get his attention. When you prayed to one day be his wife, best friend, mother of his children. It takes 100 percent from both .

I’m 10 years in and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. We’ve forgotten to make time for us and to just enjoy being friends just as much as partners. We find spontaneous things to do and we stopped planning and just doing!

Go see a counselor to find out why you fell out love if you are unsure. You could feel stuck and bored and need a vacation to get back to the 2 of you.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Being a single mom brings its own set of problems

1 Like

Hang onto that man. You will not find a better man. Noone will care for your kids like their own father

Relationship take alot of work, if you are unwilling to put in the time and energy then walk away before you hurt him

If the marriage was perfect and you have kids you stay and try to rekindle those feelings.

That’s normal. You make changes and put forth more effort in different areas and it’ll come back. Love is a decision and and action word. Not an emotion.

Take a date night talk to each other only about each other, most likely its because you don’t know each other as well as you did, play repeat some questions you might think are settled, exe, what’s favorite color, food, soda, life goals, expectations in the relationship

Start dating your husband again! Give it an honest effort. Get dolled up and shave your legs and put on nice panties and perfume. We so often stop trying once we are comfortable but we need to continue to do the things we did in the beginning of a relationship that got someone interested in the first place. I think therapy is always a good option too. Discuss with your husband that you want to see more of an effort and you want to be wooed again but it has to be reciprocated. Me and my husband take a vacation once a year away from our children. It doesn’t always have to be to some fancy location although we love those too. Marriage is work.

1 Like

Why did you fall in love with him in the first place? Have you had date nights with just the two of you? Sometimes you have to step back look at your marriage from other point of view. To rekindle your love you need to communicate with your husband, he will help find your love again.

Go on some tinder dates, try out some other men then maybe you’ll regain feelings for your husband. Maybe Not! You do you!:+1:

1 Like

Try focus on why you loved him in the first place and take some together

Try to go away for a night or 2. Rediscover each other as people not mom and dad

1 Like

Marriage isn’t always easy…that’s why for better or worse is in the vows.

I had this happen but luckily we wasn’t married and i just walked away, after 2 years

give it a little time, try to make it work but if it doesn’t then it doesn’t. don’t try to force anything

1 Like

Maybe couples counseling can help you find out what faded & help you figure out why. If the root problem is something you can repair- it’s worth saving.

Look again, not at who you think he is, but throw out what you think he is and observe who he has become. You might find it is really that you don’t know him anymore and need to get see him for who he is now. You’ll be surprised at what you find.

That phases in and out. Married 20 years here. It’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows and romance. Switch things up. Realize that alot of times feelings lie.

Go on date nights or go on a adventure just hop in the car n drive until u see something new and make new memories play a game of 21questions bout each other make it fun at least

1 Like

It depends on why? If there are no true reasons why you should give up then you should stay and work on your marriage. You married that person for a reason right? Maybe go to marriage counseling. Do everything and anything to save your marriage. If nothing works then both make your final decision together. At the end you could say you tried instead of just giving up.

Last year was a difficult year for everyone. I advise my own family to not make any drastic decisions until things get somewhat normal.

What kind of feelings are you looking for? Is he a good husband? Good dad maybe willing to allow you to explore those feeling outside your marriage? Feel free to PM me mama. This is a judgment free zone.

1 Like

Make it work. You made it work in the first place. There is love there.


That is up to you. If you want to work on it and believe that you guys could get better than why not try. If you have any doubt that it would work than cut the ties before anyone can get hurt more. Just always be kind on front of the children. You could hate each others guts but the kids should never know it.

Marriage ebbs and flows. Look back at what brought you together.

1 Like

I am a firm believer in the fact u have to earn your way out. Meaning u have to exhaust every possible solution to fix things. Love is not a feeling …it is a choice.

Until your kids are up and out, you should make your home with your husband as comfortable and happy as you can.

I just saw the movie LOCKED DOWN with Anne Hathaway last night, its pretty good. Anyone with marriage doubts should watch it :grin:

Spice things up! Go on dates, explore fantasy’s, communicate needs, do things that you did when you first met, date again, break out of the everyday boring stuff.

I don’t understand if the marriage was perfect how do you no longer have feelings for him.

I’m gonna ask this question! Are you thinking of seeing someone else, have you been with someone else and that’s the reason you have lost feelings?

Never trade the old for the new bc the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence

1 Like

Go on dates. Flirt. Do fun little things. Walk down memory lane together. Takes time. No one is in love with their person 100% of their time together.

Maybe spice it up, maybe have him go back to dating years and go from there, do stuff y’all used to do before it got bad! And if that doesn’t bring it back then it’s probably time for y’all to sperate

Are you possibly experiencing the ten year itch? Commonly happens between 7-10 years apparently.

Is there someone that is sparking your interest?

A relationship ebbs and flows. Totally wait for a while.

1 Like

You work it out. Married is forever.

I feel the same way… 8 years in. 1 year married.

Try to rekindle it. Try dating again.

Talk to a marriage therapist. They can help if you are willing to put the work in! Your husband too!

You have two kids do you love them enough to stay?

Try. Put effort into it. Spend more time together if you arent or less time if you’re together too much. Do things together. Change things up in the bedroom. Maybe seek therapy. If you try (it will take a while. Dont expect quick results) and feel the same after it all then walk away. You dont have to stay together.

Check out Fire proof. Great movie, lots of wonderful ideas on there. Watch it together.


Start by watching Fireproof & reading The Love Dare! Good luck!

The best thing you can do is get off of Facebook and tend to your marriage. I’d you are going to Facebook for marital advice then you really have a serious problem. Find a good marriage counselor, preferably a Godly minister.

1 Like

Read The Secret Lives of Wives. Just do it before you make a decision.

Above all, always be honest with yourself. If you can’t tell yourself the truth you won’t be able to tell him.

start making a gratitude list…around your husband, and family…and pray to GOD for guidance.

Hopefully you try a year of counseling first and find the right counselor.

You have to be committed to being committed.

Marriage is ‘til death do us part’.

Getting married is easy, staying married is hard, you need to work at it everyday…first you sit down and be blatantly honest with one another, brutally honest…2nd you figure out whether you want to work things out 3rd…keep the kids out of it. Last but not least imagine him with another woman sharing everything with her like you have, if the twinge of jealously rears it ugly head, then get in there and spice up your marriage. You can’t ride the horse if one leg at a time breaks.

1 Like

Start dating again. Rebuild the romance.

Feelings do not make a marriage. So many divorces bc of feelings. You made a commitment. Love is the choices we make every day, not how we feel. Choose to love your husband.

See a therapist to find out .

Have to wake up and choose to love everyday,in marriage.

If the grass looks greener on the other side, water your lawn. :heart:

You fell in love with him once you should be able to again. This is common because we dont pay attention.

Marriage counseling too

First of all, don’t put it on social media.

try to make it work then of not talk to each other

Don’t think the grass is greener . Fight for what you have .

1 Like