I just don't know what to do anymore

I wanna just give my baby my last name and then claim all the kids next year since I’m the one that has provided 90% of care and stability to all my kids. Is that wrong? I just wanna do the right thing. I’m emotional because I’m 22 weeks pregnant and it has been so hard to be taking care of everything with little to no help from the dad. He is 7 hears younger than me and has a hard time grasping reality that he is about to have 2 kids within a year; 2 under 2. I feel if i give him the satisfaction of claiming a child or both children, he would be getting free money and not being able to support with a job. My friends and sister tell me that i have worked like a dog for the past few years and that it just wouldn’t be right to let him claim kids he barely helps out with. Like i said, I wanna do the tight thing but I’ll be out of a way to get caught up on everything so the kids and i aren’t homeless. I do plan on working again after the baby so I’m not money hungry in any way. I just wanted to take a break during my last pregnancy and enjoy it while i can. Also, my ex has stolen my laptop for money this year on top of cheating on me for a whole year and i kicked him out so we can just focus on being good parents.

67 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I just don't know what to do anymore - Mamas Uncut

1 Like

If you are not married give your children your name. Period. Put his name as father on the birth certificate. Establish custody with court ordered child support. Stop making babies with him.

25 Likes

The irs doesn’t care whose last name the child has. If you are the primary provider, then you will have records to prove it. First the medical records from the pediatrician will work as proof. Later, school records will be your proof. You should try to file your taxes as early as possible, then nobody else will be able to claim your children. This is only helpful if you have earned income. That is where most of your tax benefits will come in.

21 Likes

I’m of the belief that if you aren’t married or living together then the baby gets the moms last name. It came as a huge shock (even after I told him 4 times) to my ex when I put my last name on my baby’s birth certificate :joy:

16 Likes

If you pay more than 50% of household expenses you can certainly claim “head of household” and claim all kids as your dependents. Too bad u can’t claim the baby daddy as a dependent too :laughing:

13 Likes

This is one side of the story. You should contact a lawyer and do it right for the kids sake. Advise given to half a story is bad advise… not saying it’s not true but there are fathers out there that are doing the right thing but still is not enough for a women scorned… It is best for you to get your advise from lawyers experienced arather than social media amateur lawyers and doctors.

10 Likes

I wish I had given my child my name rather than give them their fathers name. They never bothered themselves to help even when we lived together and never paid maintainance or took any part in the care growing up . They never even baby-sat for a single day . Its my greatest regret. I would love to have my child share my name.

9 Likes

Stop enabling him. He needs to strap up the boots and get to work. I could never jus sit idly by while my girl is working and parenting. I’d feel like a piece of shit. Like even if I didn’t have a kid.

10 Likes

If he’s 7years younger than U that makes him 15!!! He’s still a child himself!!!

9 Likes

Why in the world would you have another child with this man?

10 Likes

You are absolutely right in giving your children your last name, even if he was providing, it still would have been fine. As for your partner, unless he is amazingly good to you, you should be saying a goodbye to him.

7 Likes

This makes no sense. You didn’t say one thing he has done to help yet you want him to get the money. He’s not a father

7 Likes

You can claim the kids no matter what last name they have. The kids have to live with you over 6 months to claim them.

5 Likes

Your child’s name has nothing to do with claiming so name your child how you choose. Also, you must provide at least 50% of the care of a dependent to claim so you are well within your rights to do so. If the children’s dad has an issue with any of it, it’s just that, HIS issue. Please do not settle for less for yourself and your kids in hopes that he’ll be a good parent. It doesn’t work and it’s like babysitting the relationship. He’ll still disappoint and it’s alot of added stress for you. I speak from experience.

5 Likes

Not smart to have yet another baby with a guy like that. No birth control?

11 Likes

If the kids live with you majority of the time, then YOU claim them. If kids live with both of you then whoever makes more money would claim them. But it’s not even about money at the end of the day. Do what’s best for your kids.

4 Likes

You are taking care of them with no help from you the right thing to do is you 100% claim them and get the money

4 Likes

If you do most of the work, you deserve the money and you deserve to do whatever you want.
I am a full time single mom who does 90% of the work with little to no help, and I’m speaking from experience when I say this: claim them on your taxes, give them your last name.
Men, unfortunately, aren’t fully mature until 40, so you’re gonna have to wait for him to realize what he’s doing and what he needs to do.

6 Likes

Do you grasp the concept of Birth Control. That’s the ONLY way a woman can exert power over her voices.

3 Likes

Claim them. Don’t wait around any longer. And congratulations on the pregnancy, best of luck to you and the kiddos. :purple_heart:

10 Likes

You have to think of yourself n children first. He’s a grown man stop enabling him. Sounds like you have already made your decision. Wishing you the best.

3 Likes

If you’re not together what you need to do is file an ORS claim they don’t care you get to claim the children regardless. If he is not physically supporting them more than six months out of the year than you get to claim the kids

3 Likes

As long as you are providing at least half of their care financially then you can claim them on your taxes and he cannot say anything. Since you are not married to the new baby daddy then you do not have to put his last name on birth certificate.

Even if you state who the parent is when it comes to taxes you need to file for sole/full custody so the other parent does not have a legal right to file when you are the one working. File for child support and if it goes to court ask for their share for medical insurance,daycare cost etc.

You did not have these babies on your own. He chose not to step up.

2 Likes

Money wise it makes most sense for the person that made the most money to claim them. But if you can’t trust him to use it responsibly then you should claim them either way. Last name doesn’t mean much for that. And I’m not sure about other states but in Ohio the father has no right to the children unless you’re married or he has paternity proven (even if the child has him name, even if he signs an affidavit)

She is 22 weeks pregnant not 22 years of age!!!

1 Like

Why help him out? When he’s not helping you and your kids out? I would claim my kids!!

This boy man will never be a good “parent” stay away from him find yourself a real man and get on birth control ! lord woman what are you doing get your life together sounds like this boy man needs a mama a place to stay and a bank … get him totally out of your life and claim your babies they are not his if he is not there to help he is such a loser

Am i the only one flabbergasted at the fact that she is 22 she stated 7years younger then her that makes him a 15year old boy can he even work ? How about you both take parenting classes and unless he is a genius and already graduated college i suggest add on continuing education to be able to support your children stay safe :pray::+1:

Why would he claim them when you provide and care for them. That makes zero sense. If you are providing for the kids and taking care of them-you claim them. He can whine to someone else

U can do bad all by urself. U need to let him go and allow him to be a dad on the weekends so u can rest. Don’t allow urself to be taken advantage of

Did you work in the last year? You can’t claim them if you don’t have an income. If you do by all means claim them. And throw Dad out while you’re at it. Both my kids have my last name because I’m the one that raised them. I’m proud of that

1 Like

If you are the one raising these kids and financially supporting them, it’s your money!!! Don’t let the sperm donor claim them

Just lick him to the curb now for good . And go get support for those babies, take it to court.I know it will be hard for you,but you are a women and we can do anything as long as we put are minds to do it
Good luck and God Bless you

Are y’all married? I guess not . If you have the option to omit his name from the birth certificate do so. Don’t expect him to be a good father.

Keep it for yourself. You have too many reasons not to.

It doesn’t matter who’s last name they have your mum you claim them. The only reason he would is if they were in his care.

If you don’t plan on staying with the kids dad I would def give them your last name. If you plan on eventually getting married, I would give them his last name. Regardless of who’s last name they have you can still claim them on your taxes tho.

There is two sides to every story so I’m not going to give my advice but I’m wondering if all you would say what you wrote if it was the man in this position with the exception of giving birth.

If you support them more than he does then you claim them. You don’t need to change their names (in america) that I know of.

2 Likes

If your the main care taker you are supposed to claim them. He will get the extra funds given for a child care rebate. I think it’s 2500 per child. He should not get the money. He would be taking money away from your children. Don’t give him the money

I believe if you’re not married to the father and you are the major provider…then the kids get your last name.

If dad isn’t active in kids life you don’t have to. It’s whoever the kid lives with 90% of the year that claims the kiddo. In fact, when I filed my divorce he wasn’t even allowed to claim them unless he stays 90% paid up on child support. If you get child support then honestly you might as well just claim them bc his taxes will wind up going to you anyway. If you’re doing most of the work there is zero reason for him to claim those kids other than he’s wanting to use them as a paycheck. I wouldn’t be letting him claim them

If I could go back in time and give my first son my last name instead of his crappy sperm donor I would in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t change most things in my life, but that I 100% would. You can still get Chile support even if your kid has your last name. I now have 2 other kids, that I had with my husband so we all have the same name, just not my oldest. I would rather him have my maiden last name then the one he has.

He is not legally allowed to claim them if he did not provide support or take Care of them for the majority of the year. That money is for you and the kids, not him. He didn’t earn A cent.

I really don’t understand why do you have to put yourself in such ordeal. Like you made a mistake the first time by having the first kid. Why would you do it second time? This is certainly a time for you to reflect as to why you put yourself in this situation.

DO! Do what’s right for you to be happy!~You’re children have you, but if you are not happy, they aren’t. What are you waiting for? Baby steps are a start.

Claim the kids the day you get your W2’s he has to prove he’s provided for the kids for over 6 months to fight you on it. If he filled before you file a claim against it. Make sure you can provide evidence you were the one financially taking care of them.

You know what’s fair and right. Quit worrying about your ex. He’s a grown ass man. You have kids to worry about. That’s where your focus should be. I would claim them.

I gave my son my last name and my daughter ended up double barreled which i hate…will be changing it soon.

You should be claiming your kids period. The last name has nothing to do with filing taxes but the only thing is if you ever want to put him on child support then you may have a hard time if the baby doesn’t have his name.

If you are married, you need a divorce and custody agreement. If you are not married, he has no legal claim to the children unless he legitimates them. Parents don’t decide “fair”, the law does.

So sad you got pregnant by him , but you can give the child your last name. He definitely isn’t ready to be a father. Once’s a cheater always a cheater. Don’t get caught up in his lies or promises, you will regret it later on . He needs to get a job and pay child support, simple as that.

You didn’t say you were married to the Dad so you’re probably not. If the children live with you, you will realize a tax savings by declaring yourself Head of Household and claiming the children. If he’s not supporting them and they don’t live with him, he shouldn’t be claiming them. Talk to someone from the IRS or a company like H&R Block and find out the best thing to do. Good luck to you!!

Maybe I’m old fashioned but truly believe if your not married but having sex well always on both take precautions to avoid pregnancy until both are fully committed and ready for marriage and responsibility for kids. Yes things happens and when they do both should be held accountable and if one skips out like a chump well doesn’t deserve a title of being a parent. This boy is being a coward and should be held accountable!!

I personally would claim the kids. Because let’s face it if he does he will probably blow it on whatever he wants and you are wanting to use it to pay bills and make sure the kids are taken care of.

If she is 22 than and he is 7 years younger
Well is that not RAPE
Or is some one lying

1 Like

You need to quit whining and get a lawyer. If you are not married you are the only one who gets to claim them for Tax purposes. You need to be sure you get him legally bound for child support. Stop having kids with any man who is not fully committed to you - which means married and paying for your home and for kids. You need to be strong and smart and stop waiting for him to do the right thing. That is not who he is.

Stop taking care of men and start taking care of you & the kids…hes a self centered , lazy boy…no real man would act like a jerk with his family. Start picking responsible , well raised people into your life…he doesnt deserve anything if he isnt supporting them!!

Yeah, he’ll be mad. Just remember he’s not stupid enough to kick you out. You’re not married and you can hit him with child support if he does. Realization like that doesn’t look good to the judge not when it concerns the child. It’ll just make it all the more easier.

If you aren’t married, give the baby your last name, especially if he is not with you.

Sounds like you need to examine where you are and realize your choices ultimately got you where you are , evaluate and go forward

My boys have double barrel sir names… Thier dad’s with mine last… It was a meet in the middle for us…

If you aren’t married then the last name is up to you

Well that depends. Is the dad still a teenager or did you do something to drive him away. There is an obvious reason he doesn’t help. Whether that be him being a running child still or you drove him off. Regardless. Good luck with your kids and claim them. Clearly dad doesn’t want to be around.

You need to drop dude for sure. And claim those kids. He doesn’t deserve shit because he hasn’t done shit. All he did was do youbanf those kids wrong . Say goodbye take him for child support and claim your children. . And definitely give the child your last name .

Eff that. If he’s not supporting them than why should he get to claim them. That’s money coming back to you that you’ve spent during the year!

You should check the IRS guidelines on who can claim children. That should answer your question.

If he dies at some point while they are underage it will be easier to get SS disability checks for them if they carry his name. You could possibly not have access to any thing of his to prove he is the father.

Girl… shut up and get your money… YOU paid all year for the kids… that credit is for your KIDS… put the money where your kids are

I’m not sure I understand what you mean. You can’t “claim” a child? They’re not a piece of property?

Your name simple unless your married or at the very least hes properly committed full time to you and your kids … all 3 of mine have my surname and havent looked back best decision I made why should your kids have different surname to the mother ??? Seems perfectly normal to me especially if hes not pulling his weight

Good grief! Do what’s best for you and your children. Dad sounds like a loser.

Get him out of your life and better think about birth control with this loser.

Couldnt understand last part, why u still in touch with your ex ? U r married ? Also I am Indian, may be in ur place marriage life might be not like us. But i dont like suggestions given in comments because always comment section seperation as the solution for every problem

Why are you having babies with this man-boy?

My kids have my last name

2 Likes

Claim both children and file for child support. You can do better on your own…

You birth them and you do the taking. You don’t have to let him claim they. You just to kind.

Girl you claim them. If your not married or he hasn’t established parenthood they are YOURS!

Whoever files first, can claim them.
If you wait and he claims them, you will be out of luck

Are you kidding me. You need to grow up think of your children and send the big child packing

Don’t feel guilty. You claim them.

Best advise. Keep an aspirin between your knees… Think hard!!!

You claim those babies!

Claim them. The kids can havr the fathers las t name it doesnt matyer

Loose him. Claim the children and let him take you to court

U nerd a bottle cop on… Dump him then when u have baby take him. To court for maintainience money…

It sounds like you know the answer

He is still a boy hes 15 And you are 22

Your kids do not have to have your last name in order for you to claim them love.

2 Likes

Give the baby your last name! Period! Never know when a man is gonna act stupid

Claim the kids. Give them your name. Study birth control.

You name… And leave.

If your other child has the dads last name, you can give this one his last name as well. They don’t NEED to have your last name to claim them on taxes.

You don’t need to give a child the fathers last name for them to be responsible financially. Give the child your last name, it’ll be easier in the long run. Then court ordered paternity and child support.

Technically you’re a single mom without support, if the children have lived with you and he hasn’t supported them he has no right to claim the children. As far as the last name, you don’t owe him shit when he doesn’t do shit.

if the kids live with you more than 50 percent of the time and you are their provider of shelter food and clothes then you claim them…there are situations where it is financially better to let a non custodial parent claim a child but if they live at your address and you care for them you claim them…period…nothing to do with being selfish…

Talk to an attorney. You can give your child Any last name you want and can still claim him on your taxes. If the father is paying child support, many ex couples claim every over year. It really depends on the situation