My ex ditched me and my baby when she was about 6 months old. She is almost 7 now.
I’ve been married and had another baby in those years. My now husband she calls dad and doesn’t know she has a different biological dad, as the topic still hasn’t come up.
Why?
Because he is flakey. He has not shown up at all. He is late. Barely any communication. Shows up on visitation day whenever he wants. Like today she called him at 11.30am and he casually rolls up at 4pm to pick her up.
I have huge issues on his lack of urgency when it comes to being present and an adult in the situation. This has happened enough for me to have huge red flags when he said tonight,
“I know its a while off, but id like to take her on a cruise around christmas”.
The same man who didn’t even show up when her bags were packed for his first over night.
Or lost her and she had to ask for help- because luckily I talk about this incase stuff with her.
She is more responsible than him.
So to wrap it up. Am I in the right to think he is out of his mind to take my child for a week on a cruise and he hasn’t spent more than 6 hours at a time with her one day a week for the last 2.5 years?! All while not even paying support or being responsible to show up on time.
Lol like please tell me I’m not crazy.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I just want others points of view from the outside
Wow. You have to ask? Document these things. Change to supervised visits
Definitely not crazy i wouldnt be allowing it
Set some rules first off… Needs to show responsibility…
Tell the truth when she asks
Confused on how she thinks your husband is her dad, but still calls and visits with this guy? Who exactly does she think she is visiting and calling if your married to what she believes is her bio dad??
I don’t allow my kids around bio dad. They call my husband dad. My ex is very mentally unstable. The kids know when adult they can find him if want
I wouldn’t send her nope
If she thinks your husband is her bio Dad who does she think her bio Dad is? When he does show up for visitation, who does she think she is meeting? I don’t understand that part.
You said she thinks your husband is her dad so who exactly does she think she’s calling and visiting? Im confused
I was 7 when i learned i was adopted by my dad. I had always felt i was different from my siblings and always had wondered why. From that moment my other si lings and my dad have always treated me differently.
My ex didn’t see my child for 2 years and I changed the parenting plan during that time that if he came around myself or my fiance had to be present (I heard rumors his older daughter was taking care of my son, not him and she was like 12 at the time) and he did start coming around again he came to my house on weekends to see my son, no overnights. Then up and vanished again, been almost 3 years now. I told him that first chance to be consistent or not at all.
Who does she think she’s calling or visiting if she doesn’t know she has another bio dad? “Confused”….
If I have any kind of distrust with any person around my kid it’s a no… father or not… follow your gut
No, you are not crazy. See a lawyer about child support. I would not have my child go on that cruise, for safety reasons.
File legally for Child Support, he will NOT want to pay, tell him your husband will be legally adopting her. Unfortunately he will NEVER change… DO NOT allow her to go on vacation with a man she doesn’t even know!! Sounds way to scary 
Big no. There are some huge red flags here. But in saying that, based on his behaviour so far, its likely to be a moot point, as he is unlikely to organise it in the first place let alone take her.
And for all of you commenting about the bio dad/dad she calls dad situation, pull your heads in. You don’t actually know what the go is, and its more likely that she knows the flakey dad is the one she shares DNA with, but that she believes her mums husband is her actual dad. That’s not even the question here, so if you don’t have any good things to say or think, don’t say anything at all.
Nope, I personally wouldn’t allow any trips at all unsupervised. Hell I wouldn’t allow visitation till he proved he will be a constant in her life. That yo yo crap is toxic for anyone esp a child. That’s my 2 cents…
Hell NO!!! I say put him on child support and get a court order with supervised visitation.
No way in hell would I let her go
Absolutely not!!! Lawyer up…, do what you’ve gotta do to protect your sweet baby.
You said she doesn’t know her biological dad but then said he has visits when he decides to show up . Who does she think this guy is to her than? I wouldn’t let her go on the cruise
Hell no there is no way I would let him take her!!
Not crazy, no way in hell would I agree to that. If he can be respectful, he should not take her for that time frame. She barely knows him.
I wouldn’t let her go Period! And the fact that he lost her once already? I would not let him have her without a supervisor to monitor the visit.
Definitely not crazy you would be crazy to let her go!!!
Just curious. If she calls your current husband dad, who does she think she’s visiting when she goes with her biological dad?
No way…I would not let her go…make it make sense
Who does she think this man is? I’m confused on this part. She calls him and has the opportunity to see him, but isn’t aware she has a biological father?
But no, you aren’t crazy.
That would be no I would go to court and say that he’s not consistent and unstable parent
I really wouldn’t want anyone who isn’t long term committed to take my child away. He may not know her wants and needs and if she’s upset and missing you he might not be able to comfort her. He needs to get better at the regular visits before he plans a holiday, maybe talk with him about that.
Also who does she think this man is that comes to take her out if she thinks your now partner is her dad? It’s a very difficult situation but I think it’s best to tell her while she’s still young because it would hurt more in her teen or adult years. Children are very resilient. Xx
How does she not know he’s her dad if he has sporadic contact?
Not crazy. He’s not responsible enough to take her on a cruise and she doesn’t know him well enough either. He seems real sketchy. I wouldn’t do it.
I will take all the crap in the world for this but this is why I waited to tell my daughter till she was 18 that the dad that raised her was not her biological father my daughter was not going to be that kid hanging off the back of the couch waiting for a douche of a man to show up because I refused a relationship with him BEST DECISION I ever made and when we told her all she said was oh well my dad is my dad❤️
I wouldn’t let her go. It would be like sending her on holiday with a complete stranger.
I do however think she has a right to know that’s not her biological dad
Absolutely not. I’d get a lawyer and supervised visits asap. This reeks of some sort of potential trafficking if he has already lost her once. There is absolutely no way I’d allow someone inconsistently in her life to take her ANYWHERE
What he does on his parenting time you can’t control. However if it’s your parenting time than you don’t have to allow her to go. Take it to court get everything take care of. Besides if he’s this bad he’ll probably back out alot of fuss are all talk.
Who does she think she’s meeting with every time they get together?
No way would I send her with him!!!
That’s a big HELL NO
Why isn’t he paying support? If you’re in a place that actually enforces it, you need to get him on it…
Also, if he has court ordered visitation, he has a right to take her on vacation. I am sure he’s not going to go alone with her.
shes 7. i would not send her off on a cruise. who knows if/how she will be cared for. id be afraid for her
If she doesn’t no then who do she thinks he is I’m confused🤔
I wouldn’t let her go. And I’d be talking with her about her stepdad not being biological, but he IS her Daddy.
I’m just going to throw the whole parenting thing aside and say I wouldn’t let my 7 year old go on a cruise with anyone unless I was going too. You know the answer to the rest. 
So who does she think is picking her up if she doesn’t know she has a different dad???
That don’t even make any sense … she doesn’t know she has a different biological dad as the topic hasn’t come up ….
Did the topic not come up on visitation day ?? Who does she think lost her ? And where did he lose her at the age of 7 ?? Where did she think she was going for an overnight stay when she packed her bags ?? ….
I’m confused
Nope, she wouldn’t be going
Why do you need strangers to tell you that your minor child shouldn’t go on a cruise with, essentially, a deadbeat dad? C’mon!
Not crazy at all! That’s considered international travel, if you can’t trust him for an overnight trip, then definitely not on an international trip
You’re not crazy. Yes she has a right to know so that now or even later on she can realize how flakey he is. My kids call my boyfriend dad (on their own decision I don’t persuade their decision on certain things) so they know their biological dad but they are 9 & 10 & barely ask about him because he barely interacts with them. I would say hell no because if there is no child support or court orders he could essentially take her anywhere & not come back & you would then have to pay for a lawyer & locate to even attempt to get your daughter back & show he’s deadbeat
That would be a hard pass for me. Screw him
Poster needs to come clarify some things. This makes no sense.
If that were me she wouldn’t be going. Chances are someone else asked. That’s a long time for someone that hasn’t even had her overnight. Her father is biological but your husband is and will forever be dad. He skipped out not you not her. He doesn’t get the option now to carry on as if he was never absent.
How does she have no idea she has a different biological dad but she’s calling him and going with him on occasions? I can understand her “seeing” your current husband as her dad but are you telling a seven year old she’s going to visit with some random guy? When he is with her how would he not mention he is her dad to her? Wouldn’t that be a confusing way for a kid to find out? Letting her go on a cruise isn’t something I’d let my child do without me but I also wouldn’t be playing some sort of confusing game with my kid id be honest as soon as they were able to understand especially if I was allowing visits with a guy.Shes probably wondering why the heck she ever gets sent with him.
You are in no way shape or form crazy!
When my ex husband and I split, he did the same thing to our daughter. She was 3 at the time. It’s now been 5 years since he has seen her. He would pop in and out, saying he was gonna stay in her life, make plans with her and for her, then just not show. It broke her heart over and over again, which broke my heart. I put my foot down and put an end to it. When I filed for divorce, I requested sole legal/physical custody, with visitation rights at my discretion (because of his inconsistency). He didn’t bother to contest anything. If I were you, unless you have a court order, I would put your foot down. Tell him he has to be consistent or he needs to go!
If I were your child, I’d be confused as to why im visiting with another man (since she believes her step-dad is her dad).
And if I were you, I’d laugh in his face when he says he wants to take her on a cruise AFTER losing her in public. Don’t let that dude take your child on a cruise! Who knows what could happen!
Omg! I would not let him take her anywhere especially on a cruise! He’s immature and only cares about what he wants. He probably wouldn’t show up anyways
I am confused, if she thinks your husband is her biological dad? Who dose she think her dad is who sometimes shows up? Also I wouldn’t let her go, 1. Because she’s only 7 and he never shows up, chances are she will be all ready and excited then be let down if he don’t show, 2. He lost her in the past. If he takes you to court then make sure you tell them you said no because he lost her before.
Is there a court order for him to get her? If not, then I’d say no. If he tries to take you to court about it then he can, but he’ll lose since he hasn’t played a part in her life and is unreliable. He has shown no interest in caring for her. She would absolutely not be going if she were my child.
A short answer no you aren’t crazy for not letting her go! I wouldn’t let her go unless I was going to! Period.
Do not let him take her no where. Too irresponsible! Keep her home.
Hell no…he can’t keep track of her! He’s too irresponsible…no way
Honest and Up Front how ever Awkward it may be .
You have taken care of this child by yourself for how long? Yet you need to hear you’re not crazy? Apparently you need help with decisions concerning your child, visitation and support… Mama , you need to step up and get your s*** together and show your child what responsibility, respect and ADULTING mean!!!
I swear these questions get dumber by the day. It’s common sense not to let the child go 
I wouldn’t trust him to look after a dog never mind a kid he’s irresponsible
Unless he overnights into magic dad and shows up and out all year, hard pass.
i would say fuck u not happening
You are not crazy. She’s spent more hours with the person who drives her school bus. Absolutely do not let her go.
But she should know who her biological father is. As an adopted child I can’t stress that enough. It can’t be a surprise. I always knew I was adopted. It didn’t matter, my parents were my parents, but kids have a right to know.
I would let him know the changes you want to see before then if you even consider it. If its not in parenting plan he can have her for a week at a time or you dont have one id get on that. To protect your child and get some kind of legal standing when he asks of such things. If he doesnt show up and isnt part of the parenting plan process you will basically get what you want. Sadly hes her dad and the courts wont just take his rights away unless theres reason. Also id put him on child support. If he can afford a cruise he can afford to help with your child together.
Given his track record, him taking her any further than an hour away would be an absolute no. I would contact an attorney to see what your rights are about this though since bio dad does have more rights than the man she calls dad. Only reason I want you to contact an attorney is if he tries to take off with her you are best prepared to handle the situation and you’ll know your rights and what to do and say. Good luck.
You’re not crazy at all. Quick question though, you said she doesn’t know she has a different dad than her sibling. So who does she think the flakey man is?
So if the daughter doesn’t know she has another dad, who does she thinks the guy who doesn’t show up is?
No other words needed…
Just going to throw this out there… who is he going on this cruise with? Who is he trying to impress….because the sudden need to do this I guarantee is not a genuine reach to spend time with your daughter. I say no.
Not crazy. I sure ASF wouldn’t let her go. Not that it sounds like he’ll even have any follow through, but it’d still be a no for me.
That’s a hard no unless between now and Christmas he really steps up
I wouldn’t even let her go take him to court
Your ex ditched you and yours and his kid when she was 6 months old…yet he still sees her, she doesn’t know that’s her real dad, so you’re normalizing spending the night at some random man’s house. What? How is that not crazy? Not wanting her to go on a cruise with a ‘random guy’ because you haven’t told her who he is yet, but that’s how you’re portraying him, that’s not crazy. But the other stuff definitely is.
That would be hard F no
ABSOLUTELY NOT. If he can’t even show that he’s a responsible person let alone father. Nope. He’s not taking MY child anywhere.
No, you’re not out of your mind, but who does she think she’s going with if she doesn’t know he’s her bio dad? And no judgement, you do you how you see fit, but are there plans to eventually tell her? She should know (when the time is right) because God forbid something happens to her medically and she needs her bio dad to save her life, (bone marrow, organ, etc… you never know) how you gonna explain that?
Don’t start the argument now… Let him think that at the end of the year, he’s taking her on a cruise. Don’t mention it to her. Watch him not show up.
Pick your battles 
Lose my child, youll never get them alone again. Period
Do you have custody? She will likely need a passport - see to it that it doesn’t happen.
Please keep record and get bio dad for abandonment then let your husband adopt her. She needs stability
My question is, why do you keep saying YOUR child… and secondly who does she think this other guy is??
Nope I wouldn’t let her go. Especially because of the stops on the islands and human trafficking and he doesn’t sound responsible enough to handle a child on a cruise. What’s he going to do when he feels like he wants to go have fun and drink? Lock her in the room?
This not sounding right so who does she think is the man who is flaky and lose her at time
DO NOT let him take her!!
She wouldn’t be going if it was me
That’s a hell no she won’t go, from me
I wouldn’t do it…something seems off about it. Weird he isn’t willing to pay child support but he’d be willing to pay for a passport and a cruise all of a sudden and try to take her for a long period of time when he hasn’t before. Trust your instinct, that’s your baby.
Aww naw. He wouldn’t be taking her. At tf all.
Please don’t let her go. She will go missing and end up sold…he can’t care for her in his house what more on a boat .nope
How does she not know that her step Dad is not her biological Dad? Who does she think she’s having visitation with? This makes no sense. 7 years old is old enough for her to be figuring things out. She thinks she just hanging out with some random guy?
Nope don’t let him ! That’s a whole world of pain for your little lady ! What happens when he checks out of wanting to be a dad while away ? Lock her in the cabin while he’s off god knows where xxxx
Thought u said she didn’t know he was her biological dad.whyxwould she or u want her to go with him. No child support. Something off here
Um. No. No out of the country trips with people we do not trust. Period.