Ugh 20 years down the drain. This makes me so sad. I’m so sorry you have to go through this 
Get a great divorce attorney after you screenshot EVERY INCRIMINATING THING YOU CAN!
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If you’re unhappy…toss him out or take the kids n leave
Talk to him about it while you’re kicking his ass. Then take him to court and take all his money.
Just confront him about it and if you feel the need to then kick him out.
Put him on child support. Don’t depend on a man! You’re limiting yourself by saying you can’t
Get a job. Get child support, get alimony and get out!
Do not leave your house.
Do consult an attorney.
Do not blame yourself.
Good luck!
Just remember its not you it’s him,
I agree with starting by talking to him first. Nonconfrontational. Hey, are you happy with our sex life? Start a dialogue. Maybe he hasn’t done anything yet besides look and didn’t know how to talk to you. Then if you can’t talk to him and fix issue…dump his ass.
Document everything. File for divorce and make him pay!
I’m so sorry man 
people suck it’s a shame how someone can actually look someone in the eyes and say they love them while cheating! Disgusting
Collect all your evidence talk to lawyer and see what you can do.
That’s probably why he disrespected you because he knows you aren’t going to leave him. Men aren’t stupid!
After 10 years, you were entitled to half. Leave. Good luck.
Depending on what state u live in u could gat alimony.
Get a job. Then work towards leaving.
Have you confronted him?
At this point, make it a contest 
I’d kick him out and file for divorce asking for child and spousal support
Ladies….This woman is screaming out for help!
She stated in her post she wanted to Self-Harm. But because of her children…
She needs someone (therapist or suicide hotline) to talk to immediately!!
I hope she finds some help and best of luck to you and your children!!
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Doesn’t sound like you’re ready to leave yet however I think this would be a really good time to look inward and work on that empowerment. I’m reading a really good book right now and I recommend it to everybody it’s called Radical Awakening
My mom was a stay at home mom for almost 20 years as well. My dad was a bad man who did bad things. My mom was able to find a decent job that she still works at today(divorce was 7 years ago) and has climbed to the top. We moved into a dump of a house because my dad took the house we grew up in and her and I remodeled it basically by ourselves. It was a shit hole and she’s made it so nice. She went through breast cancer shortly after all this and now today is honestly doing better than ever and I look up to her so much for leaving my douche bag dad who I don’t speak to at all. You’re more than you give yourself credit for and deserve more than to play housewife for a cheater. Step up and leave him for yourself and do it without him. YOU CAN!
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Lawyer time!! Take as much as you can from him. And leave
Your post was me three years ago, I had been a stay at home mom for 16 years, we have five children, two who are profoundly disabled and guess what, I’m in my own home, I have my own vehicle, I started working on a career that I really love and I have a really good job, it’s possible, the level of disrespect it takes to throw all those years away is incredible and it’s hard to understand but understand this, he will keep doing it, he might try to stop for a little bit but he will go right back to it, when they are cheating, they become so miserable and resentful that they are tied to you that they start miss treating you and the ones that they love!!! If you’re reading this, please reach out to me via private messenger, if I can do it, literally, anyone can do it! I know right now that it all seems so overwhelming and it is but it’s possible to overcome it all💜
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Take a hammer and smash his phone in front of him. 
I’m a mom of 4, a full time student, and I work full time , with no help … YOU CAN DO THIS… Don’t let some douchebag cheating ass prick beat you so far down that you feel you can’t. Show him who U really are. Stand up for yourself bc you are worth it. You are strong and capable. Rise up, pull your ass out the mud , and do what’s best for you and your children.
Never stuck where there is a will is a way. My stepdad did same to mom was hooking up with married women on a site called married.women who cheat. She booted his out and went to work. Its hard but you can do anything aet your mind too don’t settle.for less. Not good to have kids in an unhealthy relationship anyway. Lots of luck. Some men SUCK!
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Take HALF and make him
Pay alimony
This is so sad and the exact reason why even as a SAHM, I always saved a separate part of his pay into savings, continued school and when kids were in school, took side jobs until returning fully once they were in school. Prayers up hun. Do you have family you can rely on?
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Confront him. Ask him to leave. File for divorce and put in for child support and spousal support. You can do it. Never settle for a partner who lies to you and cheats on you.
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Alimony and child support will take care of you untill your back on you feet dont stay because you think you can’t do it alone you can!! You deserve better you can also get paid for being the sole care taker of disabled children thru the county add into the divorce agreement that he get a home for you and you children or ye agrees to leave the family home and then take your life back claim it as your own and move on no one deserves to take care of a whole house hold and be played
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You have to get a job. You have to provide and do it yourself. In his head he’s doing what he wants bc he’s the only one supporting everybody. I would really think this through.
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I will tell you what I did. Let it ride. Put up with whatever until…get yourself educated, get a job you love and then get away from him. Education is so important. I would start looking into schools and daycares that help in these situations. It is never easy to be a single parent. We all make mistakes. But the no-duh thig to do can be done!!! Believe in yourself, and go get you the life you want for you and your children!!!
Go get a good attorney. If it turns out he played alll the cards right and you really are stuck, like I was … I played his game and had men in his bed until he decided to leave. I don’t recommend this but it is an option 
players get played.
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Stick him for adultery. I only paid $200 to get the ball rolling for my divorce. I had enough proof for adultery, but he admitted to it in court so we could divorce sooner. Little did he know he’d get stuck paying off my attorney in our state for commiting adultery. And get ssi for those babies. We weren’t married long enough for alimony, but you should be able to.
Divorced mom 3 kiddos & 1 of my kiddos is disabled as well.
You can do this.
It’ll be hard.
It’ll be rough.
But you can do this.
Just start getting everything rolling. Best of luck!
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You’ve been married for more than 17 years you will get plenty of alimony, if the children are disabled you may qualify for child support, and you make it work for you and the kids.
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I understand your fears of leaving. I stayed in a marriage for 14 years. He cheated, beat me, called me names, etc. 3 of my 5 children have disabilities. It took a lot of courage but I finally left and it was one of the best days of my life! We lived in a small motel room until I found a place. Get all your evidence together and get an attorney. He will have to pay alimony and child support. People like him make me sick! Praying for your family.
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It’s great to ask for ideas…but always remember, nobody else walks in your shoes…and you have to do what makes you comfortable and peaceful…it’s always easy for other people to tell others what to do.
Confront him and both of you need to come up with an honest decision of what you both should do. If he wants to fuck around tell him to go do that somewhere else. You and the kids stay home and he leaves and pays child and spousal support until you are able to take care of you and the kids. Men are so stupid. Im so sorry youre having to go through this. Just keep your head up love. There are lots of different options even if it doesn’t feel like there are. If you ever need to talk, my inbox is open. 
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BEAT HIS ASS GIRL! But nah, talk to him and let him know that you know what the fuck is going on! And he either needs to get it together or get the fuck on! 
if you gotta get help with the kids or work from home, DO IT!
Go straight to court file for child support and alimony, find a babysitter or family member to help watch the kids, if the children have disabilities you can collect ssi for them, and find a job. You can do this and kick his ass out!
You know the bed your are lying in is full of lies, disrespect and disloyalty. Now is the time to step up and be strong. Do not let him win. You’ve been a stay at home for 18 years? Are your children grown or in the house 24/7? If they go to school, get a job during school hours. Anything will help. Look into your local resources for families, low income housing, etc. There’s also child support and spousal support you can go after him for during the divorce.
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Print out and make copies of everything. Let him know that you know and show him the proof and the door. I know it’s scary but, you and your kids will be better off in the long run.
Okay - people telling her ‘you’re never stuck’ - all y’all haven’t been in this position. She is stuck.
Stuck between what is and what was. Stuck between fear and action. Stuck in grief and anger.
It is not, repeat not, easy to leave or throw him out.
Even if you want to.
Even if you know you should.
And I believe she will get there in her time.
But please for the love of all that is holy stop telling her she isn’t stuck. She knows what stuck feels like.
Stuck, however, doesn’t last, and I don’t believe she will stay stuck.
Also - two disabled kids is a LIFESTYLE. I know it bc I live it.
You do not always just “get a job” or “get daycare” when your children are disabled.
It involves frequent, intense care at short notice. It involves therapies and doctor appts and accommodations and IEPs and that’s on top of the regular parenting stuff which is a full time job in itself. It’s like working two full time jobs. And by full time I mean 24/7.
It’s easy in concept but omg hard in its execution.
So your well intentioned motivational support is probably coming off as gaslighting because YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE. Neither do I - disabilities run the gamut from mild impairment to total incapacitation.
But when she tells you she feels stuck, believe it.
To the mama / OP:
All that said… it is possible. You will find a way. You should indeed document everything - photos dates texts whatever you’ve got. You should set up a bank acct if you can, slide what you can into it when you can. Please get a counselor who can help you navigate systems that may be helpful, and maybe for the kids too. You need to build a little system of support. If you have a couple good, solid friends, or relatives you’re close to, tell them what’s up. Underground networking is amazing. Speak to a lawyer for sure, bc you would, I believe, be eligible for child support and alimony and depending on the laws where you live, possibly half of everything. You may even be able to stay in your home, but speaking to a lawyer is the only way to know what’s realistic.
I know you feel stuck.
You won’t always.
And then , one day, when you feel able to break free, you will.
And I swear, things do fall into place.
There are good people who will help.
But it starts with you, and you need to build a staircase out of resources so you can climb out of Stuck and into your own power.
I’m so sad for you, and sorry this is happening. Take a deep breath and remember that you can rely on yourself.
Be gentle with yourself and take good care. I wish you all the best.
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This will sound harsh or unreal, but at least you are married and can take him to court for alimony. I left my boyfriend of 12 years, no home, just started a job, 5 kids, vehicle in both our names, so that was something. We struggled for a bit, I asked more of my kids than I ever had before, but we made it. We have our own home, my own car, it took 2 years for me to not cry myself to sleep and be comfortable with how financially stable I was. I sacrificed a lot, I worked 2 jobs, one at a bar and only ate when I worked there so all the food in the house would be for the kids, I put myself on any budget plan that my bills would offer, I didn’t have credit so if I couldn’t pay for it with cash we went without. You will struggle. But rely on who you can for now, there is no shame in asking for help
Don’t approach him until you have proof of everything and get a shark divorce attorney. TAKE EVERYTHING FROM HIM. You got kids to worry about. The attorney will get you everything you need& more. Don’t ever take yourself for granted.
Just use him. Stay there and do what you want. If hes gonna do this to you screw him.
Start putting money back.h
Also I hate to tell you but being married this long half of everything is yours:joy:
so u can sell the house and keep half of whatever money is in his accounts theres ways out of this but it’s not going to be the comfortable sit at home life you’ve had.
Have you been fighting lately? Intimate lately? I know with life and kids we forget to have relationships with our partners. I have. And he has. Then once you get in a rut it’s hard to get out. Talk to him about it calmly. Once you figure out what’s going on in his head too you can discuss it and decide from their your best options
Did you say you can’t leave because you’ve been a stay at home mom for 18 years and your kid has a disability OK let me tell you something I’m a single mom I have six kids I do everything on my own and two of them have a disability if you wanna use that as your excuse to say then use it but I’m telling you if you really want to leave you can leave if you really want to stay and put up with it then stay and put up with it turn a blind eye a lot of women do it
Your not stuck. Start today- money out of the account into your own- start thinking outside the box for employment. You say you have disabled children, if they receiving benefits - update their file to your personal account. Enough feeling sorry for yourself- your husband is a cheater and lord knows what he is bringing home to you with his random hookups. Distant your self
This " I can’t leave" mentality is so difficult to see women cling to.
You can ALWAYS leave.
Job, no job.
Family, no family.
Support, no support.
Fat, skinny, mother, pregnant, no kids… all of it.
You are not the only homemaker with disabled children that has left a marriage.
Now, that’s not to say it won’t be tough and heartbreaking.
Take your emotions out of it, and make a plan for yourself. Love YOU more than your comfort or fear.
Set a time frame for yourself to leave.
Tuck money away
Find resources to help with your disabled children
Go take a trade course. Many are offered online.
Then when you’re about to leave, get an attorney.
I’d keep my plans to myself. I’d check out of the marriage but I wouldn’t tell him or let him in on the fact you know what’s going on.
You get ONE life.
One.
Do this for YOU and your children.
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At minimum that is emotional cheating because it’s something you both agreed was not allowed in your relationship. If I were you I would go talk to a lawyer ASAP! In fact go get a consult with every good lawyer around so he can’t use them. 
ask for alimony and child support for sure! You’ll be ok eventually, but you’re gonna have to buckle down and if you can’t work, cut out everything you don’t need… you don’t need your husband to be a good mother. You need to be the best you for them kids.
CONFRONT HIM! be strong about it and be like wtaf. Have someone take the kiddos for a night and have a very serious conversation about the future and what will happen if it continues or why he feels he needs to do it in the first place. Do not let him gas light you or tell you it’s your fault because no tf it is not. Stay strong and stand your ground.
Find a social worker to find resources for your disabled child … Get a job and depend on yourself or stay on a free ride and pay for your unhappiest
You would really have nothing if he meets someone who he wants to leave you for. Make a exit strategy. Put kids in a daycare and find a work from home job or something. Tell him you need a mommy break from kids or to feel productive. Listen the other shoe is going to drop, now whether it hits you on top of the head is on you. Sign up for low income housing. Vouchers until you don’t need them. Make sure your credit is good and if not start a secured card.
It’s time for you to start putting money aside for when the kids are grown. Is there any way you could sign up for an online college and start taking courses online? Even if you take one class a semester, you could have a degree by the time the kids are grown.
Once the kids are grown, you could potentially draw from your husbands social security if they remain living at home. This can help offset the cost of being on your own.
I’m so very sorry you’re going through this 
Firstly, take pictures of all the proof u have that he is cheating. Take pictures of the history u browsed. The hookup sites etc. then file for divorce then go to ur local county assistance office and apply for everything u possibly can. Housing, food stamps, etc. reach out to ur local woman’s shelter for resources as well. U may feel stuck but believe me u r not stuck. If ur children r disabled then they get disability money? If not apply for that for them. But get a P.O. Box and have everything send over to that address so he cannot have access to any personal information from here on out. And before u file for divorce make sure u have all the important documents gathered up such as social security cards, medial cards, birth certificates, deeds, titles, everything that ur name is on u take with u! Then when u file for the divorce u make it known the only reason ur filing and ending ur marriage is bc he’s cheating and give the proof. And even confront him. Even do it via text so u have that evidence as well. Use that against him in court for the divorce and he’ll have to pay u not only alimony but another amount due to the cheating. The courts don’t take lightly to that kinda stuff. U got this! U can and u will do this and get through this and a better life lays ahead ur u!Love and light! 
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Don’t let his insecurities bring you down. Something is wrong with him not you. And they pay alimony to wives in your situation and you can get state help for your kids if they are disabled you can get checks for them as well. Your better then him do yourself a favor and leave the lying jerk because chances are he has been doing this stuff longer then you think
Same girl mine is gone so you can move in with me leave that asshole we have wasted 20 years on what 
men suck
This is why I always advise stay at home moms to do something like babysitting, uber, lyft. Something to put a few bucks in your pockets and save money, also siphon out of the joint account if you can, tax money. I was in this exact same position some years ago so I started saving money and putting in an account in just my name. By the time I was ready to leave I had about 8 grand saved. Enough to live off until I got a job. You should be able to get resources based on your state. Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you
Looking on sites is not cheating and won’t hold up in court. She’s needs actually proof he’s cheating. This is why we have to stop
Depending on men to take care of us and have something on the side. Husband or not I’m gonna always have my own money and this is a main reason why
Everday that you go to the store. Buy a gift card and load money onto it. Eventually you’ll have enough to leave.
You’re only stuck if you want to be. Everyone and their mother is hiring. I’m not saying go start flipping burgers, but go get a damn job and GTFO of there.
Document everything you find and contact your community services ( benefits, housing ect) apply for legal aid you’re not stuck you’re just snugly frustrated counselors and social workers can point you in all the directions youd need to go and hold your hand through any process you need plz choose yourself and your kids you can do this! Give yourself grace when you need it and encourage yourself you’re not hopeless you’re hurt have faith in yourself!
So you invaded your husband’s privacy and don’t want to leave because you live off him? Lol either suck it up or go find a job.
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Screen shot that shit, send it to yourself, delete evidence, then if he lies you can shove that in his face.
I know this is not the best answer, however if he was mine his head would be between the washer and the dryer and the only app he would need is something to keep up with his health afterwards cuz trust me you’ll never be the same again bro
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You can try marriage counseling but it sounds like the trust is gone…take pictures and save all you found…get a lawyer, spousal support, child support and there’s also government assistance
Yes!!! That’s another thing get pictures of the browser history and if you can get onto those websites get proof of what he’s doing if you can get into his email get proof And men don’t like getting cut let me phrase that cheaters don’t like getting cut so make sure you have a copy and you have a back up copy
Girl, get that alimony. He can take that ish somewhere else.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. There is plenty of resources to help you out in your situation. Don’t waste your time on a man who cheats on you & then lies to you about it. I wish you luck
been there. confront him & work it out, or don’t. takes forever for the trust to come back, but it’s well worth it.
There’s no way in the sam hill hell I’m gonna be married that long and don’t have my own account with money!! The hell y’all be thinking??
likewise babe… you’ll have to figure out something and leave. you won’t be happy until you do believe me it doesn’t get better, they’re either faithful or not and it sucks when they’re what I call “in between”. they don’t want what they have leaving, but they’re actively browsing for that opportunity…
When a spouse cheats its attempted murder. You have absolutely no way of knowing what the other person has. No man is worth drying of AIDS for.
Because of the cheating (which you have to get actual proof not just a search history) he could end up having to pay alimony
Record all you can from his phone, screen shot everything including apps and his search history thats on his phone and if you can access those apps, then screen shot messages, or maybe texts on his phone he could be hiding from you, anything and everything you can find keep record, find you a good ass lawyer and get his ass girl!
Before you do ANYTHING, take screen shots and see an attorney to explain your situation and hear options. Then do EXACTLY what your attorney says. Do not let your husband know that YOU know.
And, if you do leave. He will have to pay alimony.
So I would catch him cheating file for divorce and make him pay you alimony until you can get on your feet . Look into local Medicaid in your state they can provide you a lot of resources as well
Apply for housing. Say you and kids alone. Use another address you can trust. Be strong.
Also you will either get the house or housing.
He will have to pay manintance support. After. Get back to school. Get jobs that you can do.
Do you have a college education? If so, start looking for entry level jobs. If not, start putting in applications to colleges and begin your pursuit of an education as well as applying for loans/grants through FAFSA. Both of these moves are vital to becoming self sufficient. I know hindsight is 20/20, but NEVER ever (no matter how in love you think you are at the time) depend on a man or anyone else for total financial support! Divorce is incredibly common and no relationship is immune from becoming a victim of it. Temptation is everywhere and it sucks, but sometimes people get bored or reach a midlife crisis and seek comfort in someone new. I personally would begin making my plans to get out of the relationship. It also would be in your best interests to consult with an attorney and ask what your options are and what are the odds that you could get a portion of your marital property etc in a divorce. You’re not stuck, you’re just in a place where now you have to start making moves to help yourself get out of this mess. You’ll be fine! We’ve all been there or (statistically speaking) will be there one day! 
Ps make all of these moves BEFORE confronting him about his indiscretions!!! It’s important to blindside him so that you can keep the upper hand.
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There are programs in place to help you. Leave him you got this.
Is he your husband or your child? Zero policy for this behaviour maybe he doesn’t wanna dart mommy anymore lol
Sounds like your using him and I say I wish the poor bastard all the luck.
I’ll see myself out
Doesnt sound like you have a zero tolerance policy at all. You have a co dependency problem. Learn to stand on your own.
Well if you’re unwilling to leave then you’re just going to have to put up with this Behavior if he refuses to change. Chances are he’s doing this because he knows he can because he knows you won’t leave
Look into all your local resources. They can help you get on your feet. In the mean time, document everything and try some side jobs or at home jobs for easy money to get tf out!
I’d sit back with my knowledge and start building a case for court. He will be funding it and you. Be strong because you CAN leave.
Get proof. Solid proof. Like video/pictures and then ask him to leave and file for divorce. Consult an attorney first to see how to legally go about getting the ‘proof’ in your state
If you’re unwilling to consider leaving, what are we supposed to say? 
Or maybe something is missing in your marriage. Sexual desires… fantasy… communication?
I just want to say I’m sorry momma! You deserve so much better. You take care of your babies and he pulls this? I don’t know you but I love you I’m so very sorry
Sometimes that is just spam or pop ups
Make sure he has good life insurance, and take him out
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I’m so sorry. I feel your pain. Can your parents or anyone help
He’s a man . They all get bored eventually no matter how attractive you are , none ever stay faithful, .
Stay single forever you’ll be happier
Do to him what he does to you. If he doesn’t like it, guess he should stop if he wants you to leave tell him it’s gonna cost a hell of a lot of money
I’m so sorry. 
I’ve always felt that it’s a good idea for women to always have some money of their own coming in…so that if you’re ever in a situation where you need to leave, you can without feeling like you’re stuck. Maybe you have family or friends who will temporarily let you stay with them. If you drive, maybe you could drive for Uber or Lyft…deliver with DoorDash/Uber Eats/GrubHub/Instacart. My sister recently had a $500 day (I think it was that much?) doing Instacart. Some of those jobs I mentioned have a daily pay option.
There are work at home jobs posted on Real Ways To Earn Money Online, Rat Race Rebellion, and Work At Home Mom Revolution. If you have a laptop and internet, you can get a job like that.
Maybe you can go to your local Department of Social Services to see if there’s any assistance you can get. You could also make a GoFundMe page, and post the link for it in your FB About Me section…share it to your timeline every so often…and put the GoFundMe link as your e-mail signature.
I can’t tell you what you should do, but I’m so sorry you are going through this