Confuse the kids? On what a healthy relationship should be?! I hate when I hear “we’re together for the kids” like yeah, fighting and hating each other is very nice for the kids to see. Teach your kids about self respect and to love yourself and what a loving relationship shoudl actually be
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I feel the same at times. Except i 4 kids and 2 jobs! Makes me crazy!!
So it’s better that they see you treated like crap and think it’s ok to treat women/moms/their mom ok?
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If y’all both work full time tell him to fuck off. Me and my husband both work full time and split all the responsibilities at the house and he doesn’t complain. And that’s how it should be. It’s tough to work full time and take care of kids and clean but he will get over it. Tell him if he wants you to do all that he should get a job that makes more money so you can quit yours 
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Marriage counseling…
I had to take a parenting class during my divorce 15 years ago. The biggest thing one of the counselors said was “children would rather be from a broken home than live in the trauma of a broken home.” That has always stayed with me.
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Make a list of EVERYTHING you have to do around the house, literally every little thing. Then make a list of anything he does. Then sit down and have a discussion about what he’s really asking of you and how it’s physically impossible for 1 person to do it all and work full time. Meanwhile he gets to work,then come home and chill. I had this issue with my ex husband, it really opened his eyes and he split the household chores with me after that (we divorced for different reasons btw).
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Marriage is a partnership. You both work full time? He can clean, make his own lunch and help with the kids. Remind him he’s a grown ass man. And you are not his mother. You didn’t take his ass to raise. Even if only one of you worked full time, the other should still help around the house and make their own lunches. If he can’t handle being your partner and wants you to be his mom. Then go. Don’t stay to avoid confusing your kids. Raising them in an unhappy home and showing them it’s okay for your spouse to treat you like their servant isn’t setting a good example for them.
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Tell him things better change like now or you will be leaving-
I was a child in that situation, I’d rather my parents split then see my mother degraded and spoken to like that. Sometimes it’s not the right thing to stay with someone because of children. Does more damage in the long run… I’m 38 and it’s made me have bad choices in my life too.
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Never stay because kids are involved they , kids see the negativity and eventually it’ll hurt them more later on then now … if you feel like leaving or separating for awhile , then do it … no man should demand all those things if you work full time as he does everything should be 50/50 … good luck !!!
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Your already confusing them. They listen to the arguing and him telling you to leave. That is not good for the kids. Do you want your children to be treated the same way when they are older. Or treat there partner like that. They will think it is normal to be treated that way because that is what they are learning at home. Leave him. The kids will be ok.
Sounds like you both need to grow up. Marriage counseling can help you both.
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You’d be surprised how strong and understanding kids are, they see a stressed and unhappy mum, you and them deserve to enjoy life. I got divorced when my kids were 4 & 6 and they did great and are doing great. I’ve noticed a difference in myself and how they even are now, they see a happy mum. We think too much as parents and overthink of “oh but what if this or that”
Do the best for you and your kids happiness and health.
My kids dad did that to me… he ended up cheating and up amd leaving us within 2 weeks married the girl and asks me to help them financially… my kids a traumatized and bef me not to nm leave them like daddy did… but it has brought js so much closer, we talk they listen they are doing much better now that he has left and its a struggle but we get through it day by day. Just make a plan for yourself before jumping
I think if she was a stay at home mom it would be a different dynamic, but since she works full time it should be equal housework and caring for children. I am more than happy to care for the house because my man works from 6am till 4, then will go to a side job, and goes to school full time. He’s working on his electrician license, so it is needed. Anyhow, since he does all of that I don’t mind tending the house. But since you work full time as well, he should totally be helping out. I get it, its 2020 but all relationships work differently. I also go to school full time … wishing you the best.
Your husband sounds like he wants a 1950’s housewife, but it doesn’t work in 2020. Women work now too so house and kids go 50/50.
I’d probably try councilling before I quit my marriage. I’m not saying what he is doing and saying is right however having young children, esspecially close in age puts a strain on your marriage. This is just a faze in your life, there won’t be toys on the floor forever. Men don’t really understand how hard it really is with young children. I’d say give therapy a go before you do anything drastic
If you both work full time then he should also contribute to the household… if you were a stay at home mom then I can see his point of view kind of but he’s trippin
Never heard the word Love 
at all ! That’s the most important! If you love him , communicate, otherwise children pick up from the environment they live in . Which do you want?
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You aren’t doing your kids any favors by staying
He doesn’t want to help take care of the kids that he helped you make.
He wants a woman to clean up after him so he doesn’t have to. He wants his lunch packed for him in the mornings. Do you have to pick his clothes out too?
I would tell him that you already have two small children to raise, and you really just don’t have the time or energy to waste adopting a giant third kid.
If he wants a mommy to take care of him, clean up after him, pack his lunch, and hold his hand to get him from the beginning to the end of every day, he needs to move back in with his REAL mommy.
And make sure you give him a pacifier and baby blankie when you kick his ass to the curb.
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I’d try counseling. Maybe both of you could learn better communication skills. If nothing else it may provide more clarity for you.
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I’m a stay at home mom and my husband doesn’t even expect this of me.
If y’all are both working full time then he needs to help or kick rocks. Honestly my ass would of been gone the first time he told me to leave. Boy bye 
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Why is everyone so quick to give up? How about talk to him and try to work it out instead of running. That’s why marriage is nothing but a piece of paper now cuz everyone wants to run over a sandwich not being made. Fix your problems instead of run from them. Every one is saying “it’s teaching your kids how they should be treated” but isn’t also teaching your kids to run from your problems and not try to work through them? Stand up for yourself, ask for help, and work it out. Be adults.
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Why is everyone so quick to give up? How about talk to him and try to work it out instead of running. That’s why marriage is nothing but a piece of paper now cuz everyone wants to run over a sandwich not being made. Fix your problems instead of run from them. Every one is saying “it’s teaching your kids how they should be treated” but isn’t also teaching your kids to run from your problems and not try to work through them? Stand up for yourself, ask for help, and work it out. Be adults.
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Spouses fight, they say things they don’t mean and sometimes have impractical or unrealistic expectations…I think it’s unjustified to up and leave a marriage without first exhausting every resource you can to work towards better communication and awareness of what each provides to the family and the marriage. Best of luck!
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I stayed a little longer for the same reason. Big mistake. Never stay for the kids. They are much happier outside of a household that was riddled with arguing and strife. Take the leap, you’ll see your kids and yourself much happier and at peace and you can probably co-parent very nicely. My ex dragged me through the first year and I stayed strong. I now have full custody and we co-parent just fine. Mommy and daddy don’t fight anymore and everything is so much more at peace. And let me tell ya, I went through hell, could tell you stories you’d never believe. And yet we are all here happy and getting along in the 4th year. My daughters are 9 and 8.
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The biggest questions to ask yourself are, 1. Do you love him 2. Are you happy 3. Can things change for you BOTH to become happy.
If you answer no to any of these, then you might just already know your answer. Don’t show your kids that they have to continue to be unhappy just because it’s “the right thing to do”. If you both can fix your relationship, do it. If not, then make your choice.
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Sounds like damn Narcisist to me! U just keep ALLOWING yourself to be in a mentally abusive marriage, and it will NEVER get any better, trust me-I know! What you allow and keep tolerating is exactly what you will get everyday! Narcisist are controlling, accusing, and have no feelings or consideration for the person they are with, PERIOD!! The ONLY person who can make you happy is you, yourself. Just remember, if you stay, thats what you will keep getting…
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I was in a relationship all was great until we moved in together. He didnt clean inside the house he originally had a cleaner then his mother cleaned the house. When I moved in it was my job. Of course I never cleaned to his standard, nothing was ever good enough. I bought 2 children into the relationship nothing could be out of place my children were 11-12 at the time. We both worked full time I was travelling to Melbourne every day for work (1 hr 40 mi s) each way. I was then preparing dinner helping kids with homework cleaning up, taking kids to sports, making lunches for 2 kids and us two. (He never asked me to make his lunch I just did it) etc etc. It was at least anywhere between 8-9pm before I sat down. He then told me nothing was stopping me from completing an hr housework a night, so I didnt have to do it all on the weekends. I was talking myself into being tired. Towards the end he was checking the housework. He was trying to make it “easier on me”. Living on egg shells is not living, it’s hell. If my kids left a clean plate in the dish rack to dry before school I would get a text about it and how my kids have poor time management. This is only a tiny insight of what living with someone whom has severe OCD and narcissistic behaviour is like. To society he is the most amazing man who does everything for anyone, he does come across like this. Behind closed door he is a very different person. He charms people. However he needed control He ended up throwing my children and myself out, sent me in an email that apparently I knew what was expected of me before moving in.
My advice to you is run, run now take your kids as run as fast as you can.
My children can now breathe and so can I.
Gas lighting at its best! Be careful!
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Are you staying for the financial security? His pension or retirement? Dont blame it on doing it for the kids cuz what you’re showing them is exactly what you DON’T wan for them. I think you know what to do. You just need to hear that it’s ok to leave. Hey, it’s ok to leave. If you want to talk to him…again… make a list of responsibilities and see what he says. If he’s not open to make adjustments leave. There’s no more discussion needed. If you stay, you’re choosing this slave life. 
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My mum hax a partner like that always telling her pack her bags n leave… 1 day she did n didnt go back he said he didnt mean it… well shes got her own place now n loving life.
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I know the feeling you have a big heart an for the kids sake I would stay am I did but she decided she wasn’t happy again for the 4 th or 5th time an everything went to help God bless you an God’s speed I’m praying for you but you have to dig down deep an do what you think is right. Wish I could tell you what to do but things didn’t work out for me an I don’t want to give you bad advice. Ima stay positive good luck an God loves you
If your not happy, and you’ve tried to work it out. Then leave! No one deserves to be unhappy
Here is what ya do… leave him with the kids for a few days, just take off…call him and ask if he learned anything, if he knows what you may go thru, if he don’t , leave
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Personally as a 32 year old mom of 2 here also who works part time who myself says I’ll leave w my kids because IM NOT A MAID… I’m a mother and a wife but there are no rules or clear definitions of what we have to do! I’d say pack him a lunch once a week to shut him up… and have your toddlers clean up after themselves! He also needs to chip in especially that you both work full time, it’s not fair to you you will run yourself down! So you need to put out your expectations of him also or just put your foot down!
Let him know you want a lunch you want no toys on the floor etc you need to do this… whatever you decide. Or try to work together. I hope it works 
children suffer the consequences of toxic parental relationships…show that " less than a man" the door, why would you leave ??? you and children deserve a respectful, stable environment, lots of love, and compassion…ask yourself, if this asshole is the role model that your children need ??? you are not helping your children, they feel the stress and unhappiness…protect them
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I’d tell him to pack a dildo and go fuck himself
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Definitely ask Facebook about your life choices 
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Abuse is not always physically it is mental, emotional and spiritual.
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Just leave and take the child support. We all know thats what thots want.
My ex husband was like this. He “tried to leave me” nearly every weekend. For stupid little things. Ex. Our toddler threw a tantrum while he was with her and BAM it was my fault and I’m getting texts from him while I’m at work like “this isn’t working anymore”. So one of the times, I packed everything I and my daughter owned and when he came home he begged me not to leave. Promised he’d stop verbally abusing me and trying to leave me. His promise didn’t last long. So the next time he said he wanted to split, I left. And it was the best decision I ever made. I’m now in a happy relationship (going on 3 years) where everything is 50/50 and we don’t bicker about stupid crap. You deserve better. And your kids deserve to see you be happy. They will be fine. Confused for a while but that’s normal. I always said, I’d rather my daughter have two happy homes than one miserable one. (Her dad bailed though after the divorce. That’s okay though, she still has one very happy home)
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To answer your question, I think you should leave your husband. You’re already doing it by yourself, what do you need him for? To bark orders and make demands? Drop the dead weight. You and your children deserve better. Don’t enable it any longer, make a plan and leave but don’t warn him. He’s had a chance to do right, nothing good can come from telling him you’re leaving.
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What you allow will continue.
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I get you don’t want to put your kids through that, but staying in such an emotionally abusive relationship is worse. You are showing them it’s ok to be treated like this. I’m sure your kids would rather have a happy and mentally healthy mommy than a two parent household in the long run. Pack, leave and explain in an age appropriate conversation to your kids why.
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Leave or submit…
Sounds like this marriage can be saved, if the work is put in. Seems like you have a lot of communication issues, try talking it out. Counciling maybe? You are married so once upon a time you were head over heels for each other. Try remember what you did before it got bad, before the arguing. What little things did he do that you loved? What things can you do for him? With both of you working the household chores should be shared. Best of luck sweetie … xoxo
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Everybody has different views on this topic but I honestly feel like it’s part of my job to keep up the house, cook, and take care of the kids as a wife. But that’s me. Tbh if you’re ready to leave because he wants you to pack him a lunch and clean the house and take care of the your kids, you shouldn’t be married. Ever. Such a petty thing to want to divorce him over. Maybe there’s more to the story, but from the paragraph you wrote, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Pack the man a fucking lunch and take care of your kids. 
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You need to give yourself a time limit. If things don’t get better they never will. It’s up to you. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?
If you both work he lives in LaLa land . I’d throw the whole husband away
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Meal prep.
Counseling.
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Leave. I doe not get any better
I think In the past women stayed at home and their job was a full time housewife / mum. Now women work and child care/cleaning should be distributed equally x my husband was similar . Saying that even if you don’t work there should be an understanding… I was so tired I fell asleep at wheel of car and wrote the car off !! What ever you decide put yourself first xx
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It’s not the 1930s anymore, he should be helping out around the house and with the kids,
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If you both work full time the house, kids, meals should be spilt between you both…
Mine can be the same I never do anything… So I actually stop doing things for him… His washing, his meals cleaning up after him his lunch for work…then he appoligies when he realises what I actually do do for him 
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Sounds like you momma are in need of a vacation get you a room for the weekend and don’t leave that room sleep watch tv take a bath and turn your phone off mommas need time to recharge once in a while
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Kids happier without him trust me I’ve been there.ger rid get free get a life.
Fuck that entirely. Leave…
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Staying in a toxic relationship so that you don’t confuse the kids is totally the wrong reason to stay! It’s doing them more harm then good x
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You’re teaching him how to treat you by allowing that crap to continue. Tell him to fuck off and make his own lunch for starters!
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If my husband continuously told me to leave then retracted it I’d be leaving , He’s looking for a mother not a wife, ciao dude
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Me and mine just help each other out. We both work, 3 kids, and we both clean and raise the kids. If I’m struggling then he picks up the slack and I do the same. We don’t even ask for help anymore. We just both get it done. U shouldn’t have to feel this way. U should have a partner not someone who constantly makes u feel this way. Don’t stay for the kids and don’t put up with feeling this way. I went through this and I finally left and I wouldn’t have what I have today had I stayed. Do not settle and don’t out up with being talked to like that. U shouldn’t be told to leave your home for any reason. That is so upsetting. How unfair. U have a right to be happy, to be heard, to be understood. U deserve better. Please take care of you.
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Alright, this isn’t the 1800’s where the wife is expected to handle everything while the man demands people! If They both work, then no! House work is a full time job, no pay, no break, on duty 24/7. THEIR KIDS not her kids THEIR! Pack a lunch? What is he 5??! Pack your own lunch, if the wife wants to do it, then great! He’s being a controlling asshole! And if he honestly repeats “why are you still here & why haven’t you left yet”??? Yea, controlling asshole! And doesn’t love you. Why else would he expect and tell you to leave.
People will have different opinions and more likely make you feel bad. But do what you think would make you happy in the long run, even if cause pain now. Think about yourself sometimes. Stay or don’t stay, but let your voice be heard at least, good luck to whoever’s post this is… chin up!
Well i think the fact that you are arguing is a good thing. It shows you both care…when you stop talking all together, that’s not good because it shows indifference and you can’t bounce back from that. So you are in a good place. I think you need therapy or you need to get a tad more aggressive and tell him in no uncertain terms that’s it’s 2020 and you aren’t his bitch. You both work. You BOTH share ALL the responsibilities of the house and kids. End of story. Tell him to evolve for Christ’s sake!!!
He is more then capable of packing his own lunch if he cannot help with the kids in the morning. Do not feel like that is an obligation at all! You both work and your obligation is to your kids. His obligation is to make you feel like crap apparently because he isn’t stepping his part as a father and husband!
He’s trying to control you and if he doesn’t change, leave. You will be so much more peaceful and will adjust to a new routine. Without his extra request!
If you both work and he expects you tp do all the housework…what does he do extra? Does he have extra duties that are equal but he considers a mans job? If not get counseling.
Take a two days off work, tell him if he wants you to have all the responsibilities of a stay at home mom, then you just quit your job and he gets to be the man and bring home the money. Let him know how much more he needs to make and he better step up. If he gets pissed, leave, you still actually have your job, and then you’ll have court costs for custody. Sucks either way, but maybe you can be that stay at home mom if you truly want to.
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Read Dr Laura’s “proper care and feeding of husbands” but do it with an open mind…it will give you great insight and ideas. Or if you have xm radio find her show on demand or live daily. Women set the tone in the house…if you can try to avoid falling into the routine of arguing things may change for the better. Setting routines and planning will relieve some pressure. Teach kids to pick-up toys by playing a game about putting toys away. He will see things improve and step up too
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10 - 15 years from now you will be full of regrets and resentment .I would leave
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Wise woman told me never let a man tell you to leave twice. Leaving a relationship doesn’t confuse kids. My oldest son actually benefited from me leaving his dad. They just become accustomed to a new lifestyle that is stress free.
So you think that you and your husband arguing is beneficial to your children. That they will grow up and think arguing all the time is normal and the right thing to do. Well, that’s what your teaching them as of now
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Oh stop…both are working…he should get busy …run the vacuum …do some dishes…she’s not a slave.
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I was in this situation before. My daughter was just about to turn 3 when I left her dad. She was really happy tbh. Happier than me sometimes lol. It’ll be 2 years since we split and it’s amazing. Lol.
It’s called narcissistic u need to leave
Its both your guys part to help with kids and clean house ect. ESPECIALLY if your working also.
Sometimes children dealing with a parental separation is a lot better then children constantly hearing arguing / bickering.
If you stay in this relationship getting spoken to the way he speaks to you and feeling the way you feel you will feel regret one day. You deserve to be happy and not have to deal with your husband “telling you to leave”.
Talk to him. Let him know if he doesn’t get it together and learn to respect you then you are really going to leave.
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Considering that you both work full time I feel like you should both share household chores and care of the kids. In my opinion he’s a grown man and can make his own lunch. Me, personally, I work full time and I’ll be darned if I’m going to work all day and do all chores by myself. He eats too and helped make the kids so he can help around the house.
Your kids deserve you both going the distance before ending the marriage…get counseling and commit to the work.
I really don’t understand these fan questions! Why would people want to ask stranger’s advice instead of going counselling or seeking for professional help? We only know one side of the story and don’t have an objective point of view to give advice to anyone.
I also don’t understand why the admins of this page share these fan questions. It’s not the purpose of this page!
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My marriage was kind of like that. One thing I’ve learned from my previous marriage is that if they value you and respect you, it would not be all on you.
Is being a single parent hard? Is coparenting hard? Will you essentially be doing exactly what he asked? Yes, but for yourself and your kids.
after dating who I am with now for over a year… I can tell you there are people out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, which includes treating you as equal in all aspects of life.
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I understand its challenging to leave a relationship especially with small children but If youre staying for the kids but you’re fighting all the time then it’s worse for your children. It’s not a healthy environment for these two kids to grow up in. Never stay in a toxic environment “because of the kids” because then your kids grow up thinking toxicity is “normal”.
This behavior pattern breeds resentment and regret and to stay and continue the arguing doesnt help anyone. The expectation for you to do all that while you both work full time is absurd. He’s a grown ass man and marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. Please do yourself and your children a favor and leave.
You need to do what is best for you and those children. Everything else will fall into place eventually. Listen to your gut, and once you have figured it out go 100% for your kids, be it work on the relationship or work on your individuality. Best of luck.
There is a give and take. If he’s a grown up respectful husband then her will try to help bc they are his children too. BUT it also depends on what he does in the home. Does he take care of the yard? Moe the lawn? Shovel the snow? Take the trash out? Those are also important tasks that should not b overlooked! We have three kids, both work full time and struggle with this sometimes. And yes I heard this from my husband. If your this unhappy just leave line He’s also frustrated and just plain tired too. You both need time and rest. Talk talk talk. Even fighting is better than not trying to communicate.
Worse fighting in front of them constantly. LET IT GO AND LEAVE…
If you’re a SAHM then yes, your role is to make sure the house and kids are looked after but he should still play an active role in helping with the kids.
If you’re both working, I was raised in a 50/50 split environment. My step dad was absolutely amazing to my mother. He set the bar high (probably why I’m a single mom! )
If you cook - he cleans.
If you make lunches one day, he can the next.
Looking after the kids and getting them ready? You should both be involved, not only to share the work load but to have those special bonding moments with your kids.
Do not allow them to grow up in a hostile environment. Do not teach them that is behavior is okay. It’s not okay, for anyone.
Perhaps consider seeking a counselor together before you just get up and leave.
If you love this man & you don’t want to confuse your kids by leaving, try seeking relationship advice from a third party - if he’s not willing to do this for you, then consider your options.
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is he part caveman? the only reason this is gonna get any better is because the children will get older and be less of a demand on you but there will be older kid issues that you’ll fight over, I’m sure. he’s not gonna change the way he thinks. if you live a single mom life now why not be a single mom with 1 less manchild to care for. also, tell him to get out. you have the kids and they deserve to stay in thier home.
Looks like dads gonna have to pack his and the kids lunches now 
thats what i would do. Here, you fuckin do it and then do it better too since its soooo easy to do everything every single morning. He should also dress the kids while hes trying to shower like he expects you to
Marriage counseling can be extremely helpful. Try to resolve the issue before leaving because things are going poorly at this point in your marriage.
So many marriages fail nowadays because people don’t make a true effort to resolve things and would rather just leave because it is easier.
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If you are both working full time, then what century is he from?
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We live in the 20th century if we can go to work and provide for our family then both of the house chores bills and everything should be split equally if I don’t have to work and I’m a stay home mom then forget about it I’ll do everything but if that’s not the case it’s pretty unfair
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Fighting in front of them isn’t helping them either. I was in that situation and stated WAY to long. Get out while they are still young.
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What he’s doing is abuse. He’s testing limits to escalate the pattern or really wants a divorce. Either way, you deserve better. Let him go and find happiness. There are people who miss your friendship and smile, so hold your head high and call his bluff. There is someone who will treat you right and appreciate you… You!
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Your doing it all anyway you can make it without him
Tell him to hire you a cleaning lady who can cook
Why are you still thete???
Are you going to stay until it escalates to physical abuse or death? How will the kids handle that? Been there… daughter was 3…she turned out great!
Food for thought… you may think that staying is helping them but what if you’re also teaching them that his behavior is acceptable and a womans role is to “deal with it”?
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Is he willing to switch “roles” for a week? I’ve heard this works for some couples.
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I think if both people are working then the house and kids are an equal responsibility for both. As a SAHM I do all the housework and most of the kid stuff too since it is my job.
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I would take care of the kids…food, wash clothes etc…let him fend for himself…he’s suppose to be a grown up.
If you weren’t working then yes I can see helping him…but not when you both work he has to do his share… it’s suppose to be 100 percent each and one can’t do 100 percent partner picks up the slack doesn’t matter male or female…for instance if your sick then what .is he there for you and kids??
If not then not really a partner