I was not exicted about my boyfriends proposal

Maybe it’s baby blues or I’m just a whiny brat… but my bf of 5 years just proposed to me last night. And I didn’t feel anything exciting about it, it was cute in a way, but I didn’t take it seriously. It kind of upset me, honestly… I obviously hid that emotion and went along with it. He’s just never gifted me anything, ever. I don’t expect much, but even the slightest effort I would appreciate for gifts, a cute card, small items… nothing crazy. But I get nothing. I’ve voiced my feelings about it over time, especially after the 2nd year of no effort and it just starts arguments, mainly about income. But like I said, I don’t expect anything crazy! I always buy him gifts, even when I say I’m done til it’s reciprocated… I catch him bringing up times he bought his ex-expensive bags and anything else she wanted. I mentioned it recently, asked him why I don’t get that same effort, and his reply was, "because you’re different. You actually like to do things outdoors " like wtf does that mean?! Why does that matter?! I just feel like it’s not fair to just give me a ring the way he did just because it was Valentine’s day, and he didn’t get me anything. I knew I wasn’t getting anything; I’m used to it at this point. I’d like to think I’ve given up waiting for something… but once the posts start rolling in and that’s all you see! I can’t help but envy everyone that posts about what they get for Xmas, birthdays, and Valentine’s day; it just makes me feel like shit. Then there I am, hiding my feelings till everything dies down. It also bothers me how this ring has some obvious wear on it, so it’s been sitting in the back of my mind that it’s the same one he gave his kids mom from when he proposed to her. I jokingly asked him this, and he laughed and said no. Like, did he really only propose because he had no simple Valentine gift for me… I feel pathetic right now. I don’t even want anyone to know about last night!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I was not exicted about my boyfriends proposal

Do you want to marry him? Only you can decide.

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Maybe his last gf was materialistic and he doesnt think you are? By saying you like to do things outdoors like maybe you two have more in common and doing things together is better than him just buying you things. I would rather time with my hubby than gifts. Talk to him about it

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Please tell me you said no? Seems you just care about the gifts more than you care about the man. You said he didn’t give you anything for Valentines day, but he gave you a ring. Isn’t that something enough? Trust me, gifts aren’t everything, and marriage takes more than material objects. Either take him as he is or let him find someone who will.

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I never get anything from men either a lot of them are cheap but sounds like your kind of over the whole relationship so I’d figure that out and not marry a guy who is a little too comfortable

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You obviously don’t love him like you think honestly. You should sit back and think hard about this.

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Im in the same situation and it sucks big time

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If you complain more than once it becomes begging. Unfortunately you stayed which told him you actually don’t mind the behavior. Your the issue not him. You should of left. Hard to feel pity for you.

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You better have said no your already complaining it don’t get better once you marry better think long and hard

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I was always the person making a effort and my husband nothing in return I have supported him and nothing in return for me resentment set it. I went overseas and he and our kids sent me nothing for Xmas yet every event so I stopped going.

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wow some of these comments :open_mouth: I think deep down you know but it’s never easy. best of luck

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Hiding your feelings is part of the problem. A little communication goes a long way. No one knows how you feel if you don’t tell them that certain things bother you. :woman_shrugging:

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It’s obvious you need someone to take care of you and provide you with material things. Maybe you should let him go and look for someone who will do that. He’d be better off. Relationships with anyone even family is not about what they have to give to you. Why can’t love be enough?

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You’re kidding, right? He didn’t give you anything for vday? He gave you a fucking ring! And it’s just not good enough. Ungrateful bit*h :unamused:

I don’t get anything for birthdays or holidays maybe something cheesy or I don’t need but if I was with someone and they gave me a ring I’d be happy that alone would make up for everything . Why are u so worried about the gifts that weren’t given ? Maybe he got the ring at a pawn shop because that’s all he could afford be grateful this man loves u and proposed to u , if ur not happy u need to give that ring back and go find someone who will spoil u with gifts

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Why are gifts so important? I’m going to assume your love language is receiving gifts, because you repeatedly mentioned “even something small” so it’s not like your asking for expensive stuff. To me it seems like gifts are a way of showing love, giving and receiving because you mentioned buying him many things. So many people bashing you not even realizing this. So if that is your love language you need to have a serious talk with him and explain it to him.

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My ex proposed to me in a Mexican restaurant parking lot with a ring he got free from wish. The issue wasn’t the parking lot, nor the ring. Why I rejected him was: he was a liar, chronic cheater, and physically, mentally, emotionally, financially abused me…and more…
You aren’t to marry for gifts. Marry if you love him. Can you imagine life without him? Talk to him about how you feel. Communicate.

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My husband didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day. This was the first time in 9 years. I told him I don’t really want anything… I have all I need. We have a nice home, nice cars and each other.

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This is something that should be communicated with him, dies he know you like gifts here and there? Does he know you wouldn’t mind having plans on Valentine’s Day and stuff? I think if he knew then maybe he would put in the effort. My hunny and I have been together for 6 years and he still does things like this for me but that’s because he knew how much I adored little things. I would say you need to take a step back and reflect on your relationship, like he proposed and you felt nothing…???

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You need to figure out what is important to you and what you are willing to deal with and aren’t. Hubby and I don’t give each other gifts. It just isn’t important to either of us. For V day, I bought strawberries and chocolate (because I work at the store) and he made chocolate covered strawberries for me. Does he show you he loves you in other ways? It really is a matter of you deciding to be happy with what he does do or not. You likely won’t change him, so you need to change your mindset on things or leave and find someone who does the gifts and things you want.

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It means he thought you weren’t materialistic.

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Doesn’t really sound like you want to marry him, ring or not

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My husband is like this! It makes me sad sometimes but he is a such a great guy. Why? He shows me all the time he loves me! If something hurts me, he is by my side immediately. If I’m struggling he helps. He does things all the time for me! He shows his love not by gifts but by sharing his life with me, as I do with him. And yes, we are/were outdoorsy people when time and place allow. We do many things together❤️ Just think about the kinda love you want. Do you want the love from a person or from a package? Yes, he has bought me stuff that was extremely meaningful. Together for 24 years❤️ best of luck to you!

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The fact that he proposed and wants to marry you is a gift. :joy:

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Stop hiding your feelings and he doesn’t sound like he’s the one for u

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I always tell my husband we can’t afford lavish, life’s more important bills everything else comes first before me , but I could kick me self sometimes for been like that , but now are youngest daughter takes dad shopping and gets him to buy what she knows I love lol ,

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So then just leave… why stay if you’re not happy

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I know exactly how you feel. the men don’t do holidays, that means no birthdays, anniversaries,any special non holidays too. I’m so done with it. I used to ask my now ex husband why he married me…his answer you like to hunt and fish. grrr

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You’re acting like a spoilt brat. End of story :v:t2:

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If my husband gave me a used ring with no explanation as to where it came from or why it was used i would be mad too. Lol

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He was saying he doesn’t feel like he has to buy your love like he did with his ex. You seemed happy by adventuring outside VS him feeling he needed to buy you a 500$ purse. And how is him proposing not a form of a gift ? Sounds like you truly just don’t want to be with him which is fine, but don’t flip it on just him lol.

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Give him a break and do
Not merry him, you complain too much

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Well you need to reassess your relationship what you are feeling. You sound like you guys have very different love languages and that’s going to make you feel unloved and unaccepted and not happy. So Try couples counseling if you and please get help for you as well. You deserve to be and feel your best. Be honest with your partner about how you are feeling. You should be happy and if it doesn’t feel right then you need to find out why.

Most of the time…i buy my own gifts. My husband just gives money. Fine with me. I like online shopping. Every now and then he asks if i want food brought home,but we have never been big into giving each other gifts. If need a lot of things,then turn down his proposal and move on. At least he proposed…i didnt get that. I got so…when you wanna be married so we can pick a date and go buy rings?:expressionless:Oh well…got the wedding i wanted anyway. Cost 4k at a small church hubby grew up going too. Marry for love…not things.

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Sounds like you have different love languages which can be hard on a relationship. One of your top ones is giving gifts that’s a good way you feel love… he might be different he might prefer quality time (doing things together) or acts of service (doing something to help you)

See if he’s communicating his love through another method. If you see no love languages through his actions towards you it might be time to leave or go to couples therapy

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Watch this and consider if this is where you want to end up…

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Well, you seem ungrateful. All u want is gifts.

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My husbands ex git lavished with gifts. I hate when men or women think money spent on someone shows they care. It took 2 years but mine finally got it. Now for anything special i get a hand made card or note. Something that only takes his tome n thought. That is the world to me.

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I know that feeling. One year, I gave my late husband a receipt…he asked what is this for… I said that this year he was buying me a Christmas present I had chosen for myself and put it on lay-by! It worked but shouldn’t have had to do that in the first place

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I think people are focusing on the materialistic side of things a little too much. I don’t think she’s trying to be materialistic- she literally said even a cute card would be nice. She said that she buys him small gifts and has spoken to him about this before and how she would like this to be reciprocated, to which he has expressed how much he used to buy an ex and spend on them. It’s not about how much something costs, it’s about the thought behind it. If you are the person in the relationship always giving and thinking of the other person, and they don’t reciprocate that even when you have spoken to them about it- there’s an imbalance there that can make the other person feel hurt and unloved- especially when their partner talks about the fact that they used to do those things for a previous partner- obviously making her insecure about the ring situation.
Obviously income can come into this but there are a lot of ways to make inexpensive gifts- make a card, go to a cheap shop and create a goody basket of things he knows she likes, pick some flowers for her and bring them home etc.
Everyone has different ways of showing love and affection and both partners need to cater to each other to continue a healthy relationship and should want to do that for each other- nothing out of hand though- that doesn’t mean he needs to buy her thousands of things.
But I think he does need to make an effort to make her feel more thought of and appreciated even in small ways. Because even if she likes the outdoors, she has expressed that she would like to be thought of in other ways.
I just don’t think that some of the comments of choose if you want material things or him is fair. It oversimplifies a complex part of love language in a relationship and if one partner has to give up what they need from another to feel loved, that’s going to break the relationship and cause resentment in the future.

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Why do gifts define a relationship? It sounds like you are just unhappy and its kinda weird that the ex comparison keeps getting brought up. I didnt think being proposed to would be knit picked. I got propsed to at a traffic light in the rain :laughing: it wasnt ideal but it was the thought that counts. If youre looking for more of a lavish gift giving involved relationship, find someone else.
If he is giving you a used ring then id be rethinking the whole situation if it was me (especially if it was brought up, unless im reading it wrong)

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And you said yes??? :flushed:

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I treat myself and then I always get what I want and they feel shit for not providing it!! I’d say I didn’t want the ring, not causenits used, just cause he doesn’t seem like the guy u want to spend ur life with xxx

Effort is the key word!!! It don’t have to cost a single penny!
Get ready for a life you don’t want , you don’t voice yourself now then it won’t change!

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The ring was the gift. I’m confused, if you’re not happy then say no and go on live your life the way you wish and let him live his.

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Gift giving and receiving is a form of love language. If you can’t speak each other’s love languages then I would call it quits. It takes effort on both ends. Maybe instead of buying him gifts you could treat yourself. I’m not judging. Just be happy. And if you aren’t happy try to find your happiness.

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You sound VERY ungrateful. You complain about not getting gifts, which you state you would like small stuff. So, what does he do? Gets you a ring and your ungrateful? You need to get out of this relationship. Period.

It doesn’t get better…

If you’re already miserable why marry him?

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You sound very materialistic…why do you need him to buy you things in order to be happy or show that he loves you?? That’s horrible. He loves spending time with you. That in itself is probably the best gift he could give you considerably so many beg for attention. He proposed and got you a ring and you’re still upset. Girl…no. Now we know why doesn’t buy you gifts…

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My husband is the same. Before the kids came along he did but now we have better things to spend our money on even though I like to spoil him sometimes I just don’t expect him to do the same. We have a great life, lovely home and he proposed to me on xmas day in my bedroom in our new home at the time. If I’m honest that meant more to me than anything. I’m not criticising you but it really doesn’t seem like you are happy with him. He seems from what you have said that he doesn’t see you as materialistic as his ex partners which I think is nice. These gifts are obviously important to you and you really should sit and explain to him how much these things matter to you and see if he listens

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Don’t marry him until you have this sorted out. He may have felt like he had to buy her love and doesn’t feel that way with you, but you should let him know these gestures are really important to you for long term happiness. Talk to him about the ring, don’t accept it if you are 100% sure and tell him to propose later on, with a different ring after these issues are resolved.

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You sound materialistic and ungrateful

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I totally get where ur coming from. My fiancé proposed to me after I found out I was pregnant with our second on December 27th 2017. His line was I knocked u up 2 times I might as well marry u! I’m away that is kind of silly and also can be like a false reason to marry someone. I like urself am the one who always gets a card or gifts for birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day or even Father’s Day. I don’t expect anything in return. I just do it cause I’m that type of person. However it can hurt deep down but like urself I’m use to it. I can see why u are hesitant on the proposal and thinking was this planned last minute cause he couldn’t come up with anything else. But try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He shouldn’t be talking about things he bought his ex girlfriend cause all that will do is think what did she do better to get even his time. Because the little things are what count. Not some fancy thing. And some men and women even don’t get it!

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You’re super ungrateful by the sounds of it

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Simple, stay with him, shut up quit whining, or go find what makes you happy…simple.

Just end it now. Damn lol

You’re entitled to your feelings. If you can’t effectively communicate them, your marriage will be over before it even happens lol.

Wow! I hope you said no! Because he deserves someone who is happy to be with him and not what he can get you. Just leave as you are unhappy, and the marriage won’t last with feelings like this.

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Well if you feel this way why have you stayed with him this long, you have to teach people how to treat you and if you have stayed around this long why do this now there is someone out there that will treat you the way that you want to be treated so end the relationship and be happy at this point it seems as if you are just use to this behavior and that is why you are staying you have become comfortable and that is not good do not settle cut it loose and be happy even if that mean that you have to be by yourself

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You sound selfish, immature, materialistic and very ungrateful. What he did in the past with his ex is the past. Maybe his financial situation has changed and he can’t afford to be that way. Maybe he doesn’t want to try to buy your love like he apparently bought yours.

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I know how you feel. You feel like he cared about her more than you. But that’s not the case. He bought her things and felt like he had to buy her love. And with you he doesnt feel he has to. Hes learned his lesson with her and doesnt want to mess up with you.
Think about putting all the time and effort into buying gifts for someone and it still didnt work out.

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Love languages are different for everyone.

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The fact that he would rather spend time with you than money speaks wonders about it if you ask me

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You lost me at you won’t give any more gifts unless they are reciprocated.

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Just :running_woman: now before going 0n "

You don’t NEED gifts in a relationship. Is he always there for you? Does he provide stability. How is his communication? Does he stand up for you? Does he act like he loves you besides him not getting you petty gifts? Those are the important things in the relationship.

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I wasn’t excited when my ex husband proposed either… read that again and u have your answer

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My husband & partner of 20yrs didn’t even propose to me :rofl::rofl::rofl: we have been together since 2001 didn’t marry until 2014.

I told him for the last time I was done being just a baby momma & a gf, that as far as I was concerned I was single until a ring made it on my finger.

Shortly after we went to the jewelry store & his entire proposal was pick whatever one you like :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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You sound selfish, immature, materialistic and very ungrateful. What he did in the past with his ex is the past. Maybe his financial situation has changed and he can’t afford to be that way. Maybe he doesn’t want to try to buy your love like he apparently bought yours.

You sound like a spoiled entitled brat. Baby blues have nothing to do with it

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Take the ring to a jeweler. First find out if it has been worn then is it real and make your decision if you want to stay.
Tell him you are going to be in charge of holidays. Make plans and if presents mean that much to you give him a short list he can choose from for a gift. Keep it simple and within reason for your budget. BTW ask him for a short list also.

Sounds like you’re down right now ! I get this way when I’m not feeling myself and that’s ok !!! Just give it time and if this feeling stays it’s time to think about what you want for your future

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I think it’s petty. If you constantly want gifts it’s selfish. If he shows love in other ways.

Sounds like he doesn’t make an effort at all. Is this someone you really want to marry?

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Look up the different types of “Love Languages” yours is obviously receiving gifts, which there’s nothing wrong with that, but if giving gifts isn’t his love language there there’s a brick wall you guys will hit. Learning the different types of love languages and meaning could help you two understand each other better.

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Yes YATA :rofl: dump him so HE can find someone better

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If you feel like you can’t be happy about the fact he proposed to you and are more upset that he didn’t do an over the top social media post worthy proposal then let him find someone that will appreciate him. You will always be comparing what he does for you with other peoples lives and you will never be happy.

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If he hasn’t showed any effort in the last two years to show that he loves you or cares about you and I don’t even understand why you’re sticking around if someone loves you they will easily put in the effort to show you

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The ring has wear ? Ever thought that maybe it’s a family heirloom and it’s was passed down.

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It’s the small things that make the difference that make the marriage last. Spending time together is more valuable that material things. I know couples been married for years couldn’t afford to buy presents for eachother as they had life going on. They spend time together there happy and that’s what’s important.

So many pick-me-girls in the comments. Just say y’all’s BFs and husbands do the bare minimum and your bar is on the floor and stop projecting.

OP: the fact that you give him gifts and don’t ask for anything big tells me that you’re not materialistic. Just a little advice: you’re not demanding respect from this guy and he obviously doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t even reciprocate what you do for him. He does nothing thoughtful for you and got you a second hand ring. That’s what he thinks of you. No effort to be romantic and hand-me-downs. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a one sided relationship, get out.

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And I don’t know what these other people are talking about calling you materialistic it’s not being materialistic it’s just wanting a partner that thinks about you. Example my husband will get me a coffee from Dunkin even if he has to go to work just because he knows i like it and its hard for me to pack up 3 kids to go get a coffee or he will pick me up my fave snakc while hes out or w.e. Dont waste your time being unhappy life is too short

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You havnt clarified if he is supportive . Does his best financially. Gives you his time. Is family oriented. Shows love in other ways. Faithful. Helps in the house with daily tasks. Respects you . When did the value of a partner rely so heavily on walking into a store and spending money.

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Leave honey…he’s not going to change for you. Find someone who will. Better yet treat yourself and dump him

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I was proposed to with a mood ring lol I didn’t care. When we actually got married I had a real ring of course. Maybe he got burned doing all of that for his ex so it changed him. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and hopefully he shows it in other ways.

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It’s not a priority for o most men; my husband doesn’t do those things either. This year he surprised me with a birthday gift presented to me by my babies. It wasn’t what I wanted but he put in effort which he doesn’t usually do. Mine never proposed - we just knew we wanted to go get married so we did, no drama or fuss - and I’m perfectly fine with that as I’m not a jewelry person.
I have reevaluated things in my mind and it’s not a big deal; look into love languages. I am a giver so my love language is giving and acts of service. I love doing for the people I care about and putting thought into gifts. Not everyone has the same love language. If this is something that bothers you then you need to move on; good men are hard to come by and you should be treasuring the time you spend together rather than material possessions.

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I love how people interpret their own experiences in what you wrote. Just ask yourself if this doesn’t change is it going to affect me in the long term? Then make that decision based on you, and only you.

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If there was any real love between the two of you even the small things would make you happy. From the sounds of it you say you don’t want big things but yet you insinuate that you want something bigger. To be jaded because other people post about the things that thier significant other does for them and yours does not is clearly wearing on you… comparing your self with the ex is also not healthy. I mean we don’t really get a whole lot of background on this only got your side of it but from the Sounds of it the relationship at least on your end is already over and you’re probably better off just being done with the whole relationship.

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He doesn’t want to do things for you because he is still salty over what he once did for his ex. You have to decide if that’s worth you staying,knowing you aren’t getting back what you are putting in.

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U sound like u should not accept it. Say no. Ur not happy with him and he’s not gonna change. I’d def not marry him cause ur words speak loud. I’d wait and work on this new relationship u want first and if he don’t seem to wanna change a lil I’d def not marry him. Ur comparing to his x. Not good. Good luck but hope u can find happiness in this.

It sounds like you are making your list of why this won’t work and you dont want to go through with the engagement. Which is totally fair. You shouldn’t settle.

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My husband and i were in a car. Him in passenger seat me in back seat behind him. He put on fb that we wer engaged for the court system to take our relationship seriously. Wed been together two years and had a baby. I wanted to marry him but he was waiting. He told me he did this. I was like “umm what i dont think i like that”. He was all “well you want to marry me right?” Im like yea and he said okay then we are engaged. We made a date a couple days later. Like 6 months later i got my ring. I was already preparing my wedding. He did get down a one knee and asked me to marry him. We got married 4 months later. It was beautiful. Still married almost 8 yrs now.

My husband and I don’t really do gifts. I used to think like you…I just want a lil something…nothing big. Then I realized that he does…he mows the lawn, he keeps the car upkeep, he gets gas for the car (can’t tell you the last time I had to actually pump gas…years), he cleans the bathroom…sometimes you have to look a lil further than a materialistic thing. But if you didn’t have a happy feeling when he proposed…then maybe he isn’t the one for you. My husband didn’t propose in a romantic or extravagant way…we were by ourselves and I was still happy about it. So look deep inside yourself…this is the man he is…he doesn’t get you physical gifts and if you are not happy now most likely you won’t be happy 10 years from now. Some people are meant to be “just friends” and that’s ok.

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You should give him back the ring cuz evidently you don’t want it and then I guess you need to get you a bougie man who’s just going to gift you things cuz all you want are things not his attention not his time

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Look into love languages, it would really help if you understood each other’s.

I had an ex boyfriend who used to brag about paying $300 to get his ex gf hair done, nails etc. He wouldn’t even shout me a pizza. 🤷🏼 Didn’t last long obviously😂
I think it’s your instinct telling you he’s not “the one”.

You got a ring on Valentine’s Day and you’re complaining you didn’t get anything?! Girl what :joy::joy: Stop being so materialistic

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I ended my 5 year relationship with this in reason too. Don’t feel alone :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Life is too short to waste time with people who don’t make you feel loved.

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