I'm married and in love with another man

During college I was so in love with a guy and we dated on and off. Even when we were off were on. I thought he loved me but he did not freely open up about his emotions. After college, he finally got a job after being turned down for over a year but moved out of state. He kept up with me but declined a relationship because he was scared where he would end up having to move to. After many years, he ended up marrying someone. I married someone. I resolved with just being friends things were good. Then the day came and out of the blue he drops those three words that you long to hear. However, the tense of the words was present tense not past. I shrugged off and said I know that you love me, friend. He said No, I have always loved you and still do ! You could have knocked me over with a feather. The words I have wanted to hear for so long and given up because the past is the past. My heart stopped beating and I instantly started thinking about the past and how he always makes feel when we are together and the passion we share. I have seen him and the chemistry and passion is still there. After all these years, it is still so easy to talk and be with each. We laugh , share jokes, help each other with present life situations, vent and just talk for hours. He has always been my go to when the world is not kind. My husband has suffered many health issues and has suffered loss of cognition. His wife never makes time for him and she is not there for him. I am not a home wrecker and don’t want to be but we still sooooi in love. It is so frustrating to be in love with someone you can’t have.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm married and in love with another man

So all of a sudden he loves you now? No. He left you and didn’t love you. Believe me, when a man loves a woman, he will do whatever it takes to stay together. So he didn’t love you anywhere near that level, back then. So why on earth would he suddenly love you now? And don’t believe how badly his wife treats him. They all say that so they don’t look like a**holes for cheating. He wanted a fling and remembered you had feelings for him. He took advantage and told you what you wanted to hear, and you ate it up. Stop putting this guy on a romantic pedestal.


Alright, I got you! This is what you do! Go ahead and leave your husband and go be with your long lost love! Hear me out! Your husband deserves better than you and so does that wife. Both of y’all deserve the misery that shall follow suit. The man couldn’t make a commitment to you so that speaks volumes in itself but grown folks will do what grown folks want to do. You are not seeking advice you are seeking validation for being a cheater by giving excuses. I myself am married and would never cheat on my wife due to any circumstances especially not due to her health failing or her not “paying me attention” it’s called adulting and having conversations. Best of luck to your husband and the wife.


Did you ever think that his wife never pays him any attention because he doesn’t pay her any attention?
because he is spending all his time talking with you?
he should be focusing on fixing his marriage
And you should be focused of looking after your husband who I’m sure you said until death do us part or in sickness and health….


I fell in love with a man back in 2011. I went through a rough time and broke up with him while intoxicated. We didn’t talk for 3 years. When we talked he told me that he was engaged, and even though I was also engaged to someone else I was saddened by the news. I never stopped loving him. But because I wanted things to work out in the relationship that I was in due to the children, I stopped talking to the person that I hadn’t stopped loving. A year later the man I married cheated on me. I tried to see if we could work it out, but it wasn’t possible. After my marriage fell apart I had noticed that the man I gave up years ago was also single. I contacted him again. After 5 years we aren’t in a relationship due to distance, it’s a mutual agreement, but we are basically exclusive. My suggestion is to look at your marriage, there was a reason why you married your husband. A small part of us think that what we can’t have may be better. But like others have said, the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Regardless, only you know what is good for you.


You are in love with an idea and a fantasy of something you can’t have. Let the idea go and end communication with this man. What his wife does or doesn’t do is not your problem. Be the partner you should be and honor your husband and care for him.


It’s so easy to love someone you can’t have… I been there and trust me its the hardest you can come by… but trust me its harder staying in touch, I was seeing guy for over a year he was married, he loved me I loved him, we had amazing times… I got back with my kids dad the best choice I’ve made,still I still hoped means him would be friends, it sucked becus maybe deep down if we stayed friends it would have become complicated. Not spoken now for over a year and you know what it’s a relief… its a weight off me becus I can’t have him has a friend when I once loved him. If I see him about ile say hi but that’s about it


One red flag is saying my wife is never there for me. How do you know unless you actually live with them.thats one thing many say to keep you as their side piece even more so that you are married. He will use that as the excuse. Maybe it’s the way its been since the beginning and you are too blind to see it? But if that’s the case then I think you need to let go of your husband and let him have a chance of finding someone else who will not do this to him.


I think, if you feel like this, you should at the very least leave your husband because you obviously aren’t happy… also, be okay with being alone and realize that many of the things you find great infatuation with in this other guy is probably many of your own projections… that’s the difficult part about relationships, for the most part it’s just lightning in a bottle and you learn from it. Maybe the stars would align for you to be with this guy, but don’t build an entire relationship off of secrets and deceitful behavior. Decide how strongly you feel about this, and if your unhappy with your husband then go take some time for yourself and figure out exactly what you want in life. Use it as an opportunity to know yourself better and what you find so infatuating with this other guy… do some traveling, try some new hobbies, and try to connect with the person deep inside that is restless enough they are thinking about some long lost moment in college. Cheating would be the easy decision, and it would probably come back to haunt you to some degree.


He had his time with and he wasted it. Didn’t commit, didn’t say he loved you, because he doesn’t. Drop him. Your husband committed to you and you should do the same.


If he loved you the whole time he would of done whatever he could to make it work, it sounds like he just wanted the fun side of the relationship without being locked down, now he is married and telling you everything you want to hear but in the end he will probably end up back with his wife if she allows it.


Too bad, so sad. You. Are. Married.
So. Is. He.
How dare you.
How dare him.

Do u even have a clue how many people are so utterly alone & would give anything for a husband or wife???
Please, Pray for forgiveness & go tend to your own husband …


Now that he’s married and his wife isn’t giving him attention, he knows that you always have & thinks you will now. If he really loved/loves you he would’ve been with you a long time ago and y’all wouldn’t have gotten married to other people. He is just manipulating you. It seems to me all he wants is s3x. You should probably just stop talking to him, but that’s just my opinion.


I have severe MS and you bringing up your husband’s loss of cognitive function as your reasoning of not being in love with him any longer kind of makes me want to vomit.

Be honest with yourself. If you want to leave your husband for someone else because you’re in love with someone else, then do it. Don’t use his medical conditions as a cowering tower.


What a joke! Sounds like you were his go to back in the day, never wanted a steady relationship with you and MARRIED someone else but he’s always “loved you” is that a joke? Now that he’s grown up and probably bored with his life and wife now you’re the “go to” AGAIN! Don’t try making excuses saying your husband this and his wife that! Has he told you he wants to leave his wife and marry you? Have you thought of leaving your husband because of his health issues before this man came back into the picture? Stop living in the past its been years and you’ve still not opened your eyes. You’re just fooling yourself. If you don’t want to be with your husband then leave, if he doesn’t want to be with his wife he should leave but playing the “just friends” card is stupid, you are both playing with fire and both of ya"ll gonna get burnt.


Seems as if you are both currently struggling in your current relationships and thinking/feeling about past happy times you both shared helps you escape . The reality is that if you both end up together- that giddiness and “new relationship energy “ could fade . Make sure you both end things amicably with your exes before moving into a romantic relationship again . Be willing to sacrifice the unity of your family if you have kids . Also , be sure he isn’t going to change his mind in a few months when the fantasy becomes his reality


He’s more than likely lying about his wife never being there for him. He probably still has the same issues he’s always had. He probably does what he used to do to you to his wife. Also he was messing around with other girls when you both were younger. If he loved you he would have had you back then. People lie.


Would he leave his wife? If he’s not happy and you’re not happy in your current relationships maybe you need to think about things. Don’t go from the pot to the fire!! Take time to figure things out and if it’s meant to be then it will happen.


Past is the past. If he loved you so much he would have made it work given any circumstance.
Walk away it’s done.
Get divorced and do it the right way but don’t be surprised if he doesn’t divorce his wife for you.


Stop living in a mills and boon novel love, he just wants to get in Your pants, if he hasn’t already :face_with_raised_eyebrow: wether you were married or not, if I were your friend, I would tell you to run for the hills, this man is only going to chew up your life, then spit you out and go back to his loving wife, you only have his word that his marriage is as it is…. Think with your head and not your knickers!


I wouldn’t go for the guy who was always unsure about you. It doesn’t matter what your husband is going through you said vows. And he could be lying about his wife you never know. If its meant to be it will find its way. But doing people dirty to get there is not the answer.


I don’t like the phrase Homewrecker. it was invented by a spurned woman who just wanted someone to blame and tear down because they were hurting and felt betrayed.

I don’t think any woman sits at home plotting to break up a marriage just for the sake of it. And 2 people are involved, not just one. Also, if it is so easily destroyed it may as well be a tent, not a home. Even if there’s women out there who think that they want your partner, your partner has to be interested for anything to ever happen or be destroyed.

I don’t have advice, but I just want to stop that word that attacks other women and puts the blame solely on them, making them look vicious and manipulative when all that may have happened is 2 people fell in love in unfortunate circumstances.


You should not have any comments about his wife….regardless of what he tells you. There is also her version of her life with him. How is she supposed to build her marriage when her husband has always loved another woman. You have the easy way out, your husband is too sick to know what’s going on.


If you have been talking to him your entire marriage, and are so in love with him, you have essentially been having an emotional affair since you started the relationship you are in! You can’t be fully committed to your husband if you never let the ex go! I think right now you’re just looking for an excuse to validate the infidelity! I feel bad for your husband and his wife! You should have ended that relationship when you entered into a new one YEARS ago!


Y’all are some very smart and intelligent ladies !!! I would be SO HONORED to have y’all in my corner !!! YAY for strong women that believe in honesty and commitment to marriage !!! Oh and I’m in love with Elvis and Andy Gibb- they were always my FANTASY crush !! That really dated me I know - yes I’m old :tired_face:. Fantasyland is what this woman is living in !! She needs a reality check !!!


I héard a saying latey a man has an affair to keep his wife but the wife has a affair to escape from her marriage… Sounds good but is it true…


So, he didn’t love you when he could have had you, but now that he can’t have you, he loves you.


The two of you are just bored with your spouses and are romanticizing a past that wasn’t that great to begin with. Because if it were, y’all would have declared your love and stayed together.


I say do what makes u happy. Life is to short. It’s no one’s choice or business but urs n his. U don’t want to regret ur life or what could of been :two_hearts:


You are married, he is married don’t your not in high school anymore. Tell him he had his chance too late now.


Do not beat me up…
Have an affair. Life is short. Take your moments. Be discreet. Be kind. The heart has room for many kinds of love and obligation.


Hell noooo… ur having an emotional affair cheating is cheating and never justifiable… so ur already being a home wrecker of some sort. Keep in mind the grass isn’t always greener js


Put the past behind you. Remember your wedding vows. For better, for worse, in sickness, and health, until death us do part. Stay committed to your husband. Get your strength from the Lord. I know you are hurting & confused and I am praying for you.:pray:


80/20 rule.
when a person cheats, they tend to be attracted to the 20 percent in another person that is missing from the spouse. However, they usually end up realizing that they were much better off with the 80 percent that they already had.


I’m in love with Jesse Williams and I can’t have him either. You’re already cheating on your husband. He always loved you but married someone else. Sounds truthful! :roll_eyes:.


A tough one, LOVE Conquer all, If it was met to be, it will be! Love is a strong feeling second to none . . . .Go for it ! even though it’s going to hurt someone . . . . Love is a powerful feeling


Lifes too short… do what makes u happy.
Question you have to ask yourself is was you happy before he came on the scene? If you were u wouldn’t even be considering this guy! I divorced a lovely man, but I wasn’t happy and met an amazing man who everyday I wish i’d met sooner.
Do what makes you happy dont have regrets


So he couldn’t say I love u back then but can say it now…maybe it’s his way of getting out of a broken down marriage. U still had feelings with him but yet u still stay in touch with him playing with fire?? Does your marriage mean nothing to you ?time to let the past go and move your attention back to your husband.

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He’s unhappy and showed up back on your doorstep because what he has isn’t what he thought he signed up for in the beginning. If he was so in love with you and willing to take that chance, he would’ve divorced first or never got married in the first place when he got his life together. Yes, you might have strong feelings for him, but is it enough to know that you will lose everything you have now and that you were his SECOND choice? Cause let’s face it… You are.


He didn’t want you before. He was stringing you along, making sure you could always be his back up plan. If he loved you he would’ve been with you. He would’ve married you. Now you’re going to ruin what you know is good for someone who had you on the back burner. But to be honest, let your husband go. It’s not fair to him.

a. These comments are reminding me why marriage and monogamy feel so toxic.

b. Good god I will be polyamorous until the day I die. These comments are depressing.

News flash — there’s more than one way to live folks and it includes being open and honest with your partner(s) and not limiting the people you love. Oh yeah — and there’s not a finite amount of love you can give.

Polyamory isn’t for everyone but WOW is it for me and this post is such a great reminder of that.

My 2 cents — honesty is the best policy, regardless of the outcome.


You are in love with memories! It not realistic, I pray God open your eyes before he destroy you again, bc I promise you, he is the same guy!!!

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Sounds like he fed u a bunch of BS for years, and still is… if he loved you then, and you stayed in contact all these years, he wouldn’t have married someone else… Open your eyes. Time to let go of the shumuck and take care of the man you loved enough to marry.


Nope !! If he really loved you he would have not cared if he had to move to be with you. Hes in lust not love . Stay with your husband& cut ties with him

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Dang your husband is struggling with loss of cognition and you wanna run off to your ex? I think some deep reflection is necessary. Do you really love your ex or does he just represent a mentally cognizant, fully abled partner? If you ask me I say focus on your marriage and helping your husband through what he’s going through. Commitment is commitment.

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You are married. End of story. Stop emotionally cheating on your husband and don’t allow this man to cheat on his wife


You took a vow plain and simple. In sickness and in health. He chose to get married to someone else that is not you, as did you. So you can clearly see how much he “loves you”. You get married for a lifetime not till someone better comes along

How can you love another man when married. Taking vowels is seriously something that should be taken serious, if your talking to this other man your already cheating on your husband and he deserves way better then you… I’d say chose the second man because if you have to seek another mans attention then you never really loved the first to begin with and you husband deserves way better then a cheating wife, same goes for your so called past lover his wife deserves a man who loves her 100% and not a man who doesn’t respect her.

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Bc you are married you should have stopped him in that “love” conversation. That’s so wrong. If he really loves you why didn’t he marry you instead of the other lady? Either way unless you are going to divorce your husband, and I mean like right now, you need to break ties immediately. Think about how you would feel if you were dudes wife and found out he was talking to another woman like that. Think about how your husband would feel if he read you and the other guys messages. This guy says his wife doesn’t do this and that but you don’t know that you don’t know her. Honestly it’s horrible for him to be talking like that about his wife to another especially a woman. I’m not judging bc it’s your business and we all make mistakes. You need to think about the kind of person you are being vs the kind of person you want to be. It breaks my heart to think about how I would feel if I was the other guys wife or your husband. I would be so hurt and feel so betrayed. I wish you the best and hope you make the right decision.

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It’s called a fantasy. Get over it before you destroy your life and others are collateral damage. If he had really loved you, he would have married you. God never sends you someone else’s husband. Wake up before its too late.

Run. Run far away. That man does not belong to you, nor you to him. Respect his marriage and yours. It does not matter the reasons he’s unhappy in his, it is his job to help maintain it. Lady, you are the ‘other woman’.

I’m a strong believer love can be a choice and you can choose your marriage. Grass is not greener on the other side… it will have its problems too so maybe reverse these thoughts and give your time back to your husband after you’re honest with him about all this you e done behind his back. If he tries to work it out with you… you should make it work. Not try… make it work. Marriage is difficult as hell and to disrespect the freedom someone has given you to do exactly what we all fear is a damn shame. I’m so disappointed in these actions and the focus here.

FYI… you need to do some soul searching. It seems most cheaters have something really out of wack with themselves and it projects as Infidelity.

Your spouse needs your loyalty and attention. Grow up and behave responsibly. Do the right thing and break ALL ties with him. If he really loved you he would have married you long ago.

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Why are you not asking yourself the question, ‘Why now?’ It’s easy to say that a spouse isn’t giving enough attention-not a guarantee that it’s true though. That guy clearly sees you as convenient and will leave you once another pretty face comes along and tells him what he wants to hear. I also think your husband deserves better… End the marriage and stay single for a while.

Relationships are more than chemistry and passion. If I were you I’d cut the old boyfriend off cold and focus on my marriage. Its easy to love the idea of someone, but marriage is a whole other deal. You yourself say you can’t have him, why torture yourselves for something that very well may not work? Not worth losing a marriage over, in my opinion.

Cut the communication. You probably barely know who this guy really is after all this time. You are stuck on the past and you need to focus on the now.
If you can’t do that, you need to let your husband go. Clearly you haven’t been communicating your feelings with him and he’s left in the dark.

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I wouldn’t fall for it honestly. Some things are just too good to be true. I don’t see why all of the sudden he would come out with it after him and yourself got married to other people. And you talking to that man for hours and seeing him is cheating. Even if your not intimate it’s emotionally cheating on your husband. If you wanted someone else why would you marry the man you are with now? He doesn’t deserve this honestly and he should be out there married to his soul mate not some women who settled but wants someone else

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If you pursue this while you’re both married, it’s gonna get really messy…these situations ALWAYS do. Everyone thinks it’ll be different for them, but it always ends the same. You’re already making excuses on why this is okay. Either one or all of you is gonna end up very hurt…most likely everyone involved. The truth is, we don’t always get to be w the person we love…life is complicated like that. I recommend you tell him to let you know if his marriage doesn’t work out & you’ll do the same…then walk away, because you’re on the verge of straying.

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You made promises to your husband. He made promises to his wife. Sounds like he may be using you as a crutch. You need to give it up and you both need to remember your promises.

How about you stop looking for permission. If you truly both don’t love the people you are with, then there is a more serious problem going on.
Words are word’s and wanting to hear what you wanna hear doesn’t mean action’s are going to follow suit. Sound’s like you have some real soul searching to do. That’s my two cents.

Cheaters never win. If you got together by going behind your spouses backs, then you can be guaranteed that’s how it’s going to end as well. Think about it. Few years time went the glimmer has faded, their eye will wander again…and again… and again. A reputation will be built that will make you untouchable/untrustworthy to all but those with a lot less than good intentions.

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The grass isn’t always greener on the other side… Besides, you weren’t good enough then so why are good enough now? Go ahead and leave your husband or play around behind his back. I can guarantee you it will end in tears…

Did you actually mean your vows? If you were in love with someone else you couldn’t have ! If you look at another guy lustfully you already cheated! Do you tell your “husband” everything like u do the friend? Truth is it could never really work with you and your “husband” ever because he doesn’t have all of you, and thats not fair! It’s one thing for marriage not to work out for one reason or another but in my opinion you just probably missed out on what could have been an amazing marriage bc you’re heart and thoughts were with someone else, who you still kept present in your marriage! Goes for the both of you!

Like the song lyric says, “it’s sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along”


Ask yourself if he was in a happy marriage would you hear from him. I don’t think he has true feelings for you he just knows you are a big ego boost for him.

. I don’t see any think wrong with you talking and being friends after all you have known him for years . He is giving you what your husband is not .
Communication .

Oh so if you allow relationship with him, it will be all your fault he leaves his wife? Would you want a friend like you?
Do you have your husbands nursing home picked out.
I just feel there is nothing but wrong in your question and what you want to do

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Wow thats great … college friends , loved each other ,then left each other for job n marriage ,thn married some one else and moved on , now again loving each other …
its not even appealing in a story my dear …life is a reality not a fancy dream , loyalty is the key …i bet you he will leave u again …

Stop romantizing the past.
A man who is trying to cheat on his wife …
Who are you? Will you make excuses for your selfish impulses and give in or will you put that energy into saving your marriage to the man who has dedicated years to loving you and spending his life with you.
The choice is yours…


Run for the hills. He will say whatever he has to and get you on board and as soon as it suits him he will kick you to the curb again. Exes are so for a reason.

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Get a divorce if your not happy. Honestly do what you want, marriage isn’t what it was for past generations. Why stayed married and be unhappy? You only live one life.

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From someone that knows what it feels like to be cheated on, both of you made your decisions without thinking of the person u married. Yes your husband’s sick, he’s still your husband. What if it was reversed and he was leaving you and you were sick? What about his wife? How will she feel? You have been basically having an affair since before you married and you both chose to marry different people.

Keep seeing him keep talking to him… that way your husband will find out and divorce you and then the two of you can live happily ever after

No matter what you decide both your partners deserve honesty, and all the information. Not just when and what you decide to tell them. You guys are already having an emotional affair. Its probably a lot to do with the fact that you have always wanted what you couldn’t have, and now you can have it. Except you’re indulging yourselves at the cost of others. You guys are both grown ups and if this is how you feel then be honest to the people who deserve it. You want who you want but have the courtesy enough to tell your husband, and he needs to tell his wife.

If you want to be with him, do it right. Tell your husband before you begin a relationship with him and he needs to tell his wife. My ex-husband chose to start another relationship before we separated and it broke my heart more than if he would have told me first.

Both of you should divorce your spouses then. If you want to be together then set the people you’ve trapped free. Settling for others and not moving on enough to allow yourself to love that person hurts them more than you hurt.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side, the grass is greener where YOU water it! You need to concentrate on your marriage and cut this man off, he’s obviously manipulating you because he knows your feelings towards him.

I honestly feel you will be with this man and it will just end as quick as it started. You cant help who you love with but you can start to move on by concentrating on your marriage and cutting ties with this man. Why did he not bother before if he loved you he would of made it obvious from the get go. Its seems he just came and found you and bothered with you because hes bored in his marriage and he knows you wouldnt turn him away. Its a messed up situation

This is really sad for everyone involved. But what she’s doing is wrong. End it and be happy, but be ethical about it, good grief.

Girl please he dont love you… LOVE IS A VERB… start loving your husband and then u will see. Everyday resolve to love your husband. U married him didnt you? But if not go sleep with the dude so he can be proud he srillhas you fooled. Break ur husbands heart and go be a homewrecker sounds like ur mind already made up

You are spending quality time that should be your partner’s with him. Idealising someone who did not know your worth and cannot understand your worth but what you give him instead of sharing with the man who does. Both of you are relying on each other instead of in your own partners , creating a drift that will never be worth it.

This is just my advise the way I have red it this, it’s sounds like your inlove with the idea of how it was back in the day, your husband needs you and you did take a vow through sickness and through health… at the end of the day you can’t help what the heart wants but before or if you end everything try and figure out if it’s the thought of having him your in love with or your are in love with him.

Take care of your husband first. He may not know you but you know him. If you are meant to be with the other man he wait and get his life in order. You are allowed to have friends and should.

Damn yall ain’t shit :sneezing_face::sneezing_face: you should’ve immediately set boundaries if the friendship felt like it was turning into something more and cut him off he couldn’t respect your marriage :pray:

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This is just so wrong. The first sentence is all that was necessary. I can’t give a pass on this. It sounds like a fairytale but I’d bet it’s never going to work.
You both lose!

What are his intentions? Has he left his wife? If he is so unhappy he should get divorced. Life’s too short. You must not love your husband because you would not be going behind his back. So sad that you married him because the one love married another. Think about that. If this man who claims he loves you and wants you. Why were you not good enough to be his first wife. Why did he not try harder for you too. Why did he chose his wife over you. Both of you are playing a dangerous game. Make sure this is what you want because 4 lives will be changed forever. Life’s too short. But there had to be a reason you married other people.

Usually I try to be kind, but this isn’t something I can be nice about. Your reasonings for your actions sound more like excuses, you’ve already cheated enough just by speaking with him like that so you might as well just do whatever your heart desires at this point. However, if I where a spouse of either of you two (thankfully I’m not) and I came across what you just said I’d kick you to the curb, call up the other spouse and tell them to do the same so you both can go live on the streets together as you ever so do desire, because it doesn’t matter as long as you’re together- right?
I feel like there’s a lot more to it then your unresolved feelings, whether he has more money, better looks, or does some special thing in the bedroom there’s more to the story and frankly nobody needs to hear it because you need to be an adult and communicate with your husband about why you’re so unhappy, not the internet. And if its because he’s losing his mind whether it be from something not in your control or from you spending years chatting away with some dude you have feelings for that’s pretty low as a spouse is supposed to stay by your side through everything, but it’s not my place in hell so you do you. I honestly hope you take the chance and it all backfires.

Trust me, sometimes being in love with and love someone for your entire life but that sometimes means not being with them for both your sakes. Love doesn’t always mean happily ever after. Sometimes love is appreciating that you love them, but knowing you both have to be separate for the good of your lives.

Don’t believe what he says about his wife. Men tend to put down their partner In these situations trying to soften you up. His wife probably hasn’t a clue he’s doing this and thinks they have a happy marriage.

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It depends honestly. Religious and marital beliefs differ but are all man-made. If you look at the science of it, you can’t help who you love… If its true love, it will prevail. But you should both do it the right way.

Sounds like you would be doing your husband a favor by leaving him. We’re you thinking about leaving him before this fare weather lover came back around to play with you? It’s not about taking an oath…sometimes we fall out of love…sometimes we have fundamental differences that we grew into as different people and can no longer make it work. I’m not saying You should stay with him because u promised to…that’s super old school and sometimes it’s better not to stay where you aren’t in love or loved. But if you are genuinely this shallow that an old flame comes around and makes you second guess your whole marriage and then to use his failing health as the excuse then do your husband the favor and just go. But don’t take anything. In fact you should leave with less than you came in with to make up for wasting his damn life and deserting him when he is the most vulnerable.

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This is just so wrong for him to say that after so long. I knew someone who married another man in the same exact circumstances but she remained married to her husband even though later on that other man said the same thing. She thought about her life and her husband who she did love also and built a life with and decided to keep the past the past. However, she will always love the other man too. It really comes down to what would make you love your life. If you stayed with your husband but then later cheated, that would probably hurt him worse. The Bible says there are only twos reasons okay to marry someone else, death, or cheating. You have to make this decision on your own, but also think everything through and think about everyone.

My analysis is that the person you loved once in past taken you for granted and looked for better options. Now because his better option failed somehow He came back to have you without even realizing that you are committed to someone. IF you go with this flow you will find him a selfish person sooner or later.

I’d say you should cut off that relationship. It’s not fair to the other parties.

Love is a decision, once you make it the feelings will follow it. As with every feeling if you decide to cheat all of the feelings that come with it will follow. So… it is up to you, make the right choice and be the wife you should be. Stop making excuses and be a person with integrity.

It’s never the same when you live together after being separated for a long time. I moved on but never forgot him and him the same, I’d move on, if his wife wasn’t ill would he declare his love for you, doubt it.

The grass is not always green on the side of the fence. Stay with your husband your married so is he. I would not want to ruin someone marriage over old feelings

From what I understand after reading everything, both of you got absolutely no clue what it actually means to love and if you continue, you will end up with a disaster. I would advise you to break all contact, but I also understand that what heart wants, heart just wants and while you are asking for an advice, you are going to end up making the idiotic decision and then learn the lesson. That’s how humans learn, by falling on their face and breaking a few teeth, but if you read this now, it will prepare you for the shock and you might be able to get back up and deal with the results of your actions a bit better. Have fun.

I mean… you could divorce your spouses and be with each other. If that’s not an option, you need to think about whether you’ll cheat with this man eventually or not, or if you can stay friends long term after this. Good luck!

It’s a fantasy and if you were to pursue this I think he would quickly break up with you after you devote your whole life and heart to this man. Both of you might think you are being serious but it’s just a fantasy in your imagination. When you actually get to know somebody and spend time with them it’s never as good as the actual fantasy.

I think for a short bit of time things would feel so perfect and like you’ve never felt before but very quickly he would dump you and try to work things back out with his wife. And you will be completely blindsided because things will be going pretty well from your end when he decides to pursue his wife.