My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, and we have 3 children. I didn’t realize it at first, but from the very start of our relationship, he has had an addiction to pornography. I understand some people are perfectly fine with their partner watching porn, but we both established from the beginning that for us, it is cheating. I would see that he was watching it on his phone, and we would talk about it. I would express that it makes me uncomfortable and hurts my feelings, and he would promise he’d never do it again, ect. This has went on for almost 6 years. But there have been a few instances where it hurt me worse than usual and I just can’t get past it. For example, I have a lot of self confidence issues with myself. It was my birthday, I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and go to the beach in a bathing suit. I spent forever online finding a bathing suit, hoping that he would love it. It came and I tried it on, he said he loved it. But within an hour on his phone, he was looking at all these photos online of other “perfect looking” women in bikinis. And it just brought me down further. Another instance, I would buy clothing items online (bras, ect.) and after I got them, he would go to the review section of said clothing items and get off to the photos that other women left with their review of the item. Or when I have given birth, the first night home from the hospital he was looking at porn. At a certain point over the years of trying so hard to just be enough for him, I have kind of fallen out of love in that way. I still very much care about him, he’s an amazing person and a great father. But I have tried and tried to forgive and look past certain things, and I just can’t. He doesn’t make me feel beautiful anymore, and I don’t feel the same way about him that I used to. I guess I’m just looking for some advice on how you would feel or what you would do in my case? I know this was long, thank you in advance.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm unhappy in my relationship and I don't know how to fix it
Start looking and ogling over men that aren’t him. Jk I’m petty and toxic so don’t listen to me. You should probably bring up counseling. Coping ways to get over it. Maybe watch it together or if it’s that much just leave.
Are you sure it’s actually an addiction or are you so stuck on it being cheating that you’re going to say it’s an addiction when it’s not. Everyone watches porn. You can’t expect your partner to always want to get off to you. That’s just not going to happen. Get some counseling and go from there. You have a lot of insecurities you need to work through
Y’all with your counseling suggestions. Sheesh. It’s been 6 years with her begging and pleading for him to change. Going to counseling ain’t gonna change anything. Sometimes it’s best to just skip the counseling stage and get on with divorcing him. HE needs helps with his porn addiction and she could use some to help her confidence issues. It’s nauseating when you try everything you can to get your partner to notice you, like really notice you. It’ll wear your confidence down more than ever when they beat it off to pictures instead of doing you. She set a hard limit from the beginning and he doesn’t care. She needs to leave him. Period. Drop the man sis and find a counselor to help you gain your lost self love back.
NOT EVERYONE WATCHES PORN BY THE WAY.
I’m 52 years old and have never been in a relationship with a man that even occasionally watches porn.
Skip the counseling and divorce this sicko! You deserve much better out of life. Your children also deserve better.
Please don’t get angry at me but until what you see in the mirror changes your relationships with men won’t. It not your partners job to make you feel better about yourself. If you don’t feel good about yourself you are asking something incredibly hard and frankly impossible for them to do. Setting them up for failure just so we can then say they don’t make us feel good about ourselves. I also don’t think it’s realistic to compare ourselves to movie stars, supermodels or even porn stars. I know I’m not even in the same ball field as those woman are. For me i don’t compare. Now I’m not saying the porn thing is ok and I absolutely think if you aren’t ok with it than you need to leave. Especially when it’s something you’ve established from the beginning you aren’t ok with. Sound like he’s always done it so you asking him to change had done nothing. You have to think more of yourself that’s what will help you find the strength to leave.
It sounds to me like you already know what you need to do…choose yourself and your happiness. You don’t deserve to feel this way day in and day out
I just want to start by apologizing for the massive number of women in these comments trying to complete invalidate your feelings. No, not everyone watches porn. If you have expressed out loud how it makes you feel, he promised to stop, yet still does it especially to that extent, the man has zero respect for you. You clearly tried to make a boundary now you need to follow through on doing what’s best for your mental health. Not only that but for your children, they need their mom the happiest and best she can be, that’s not happening by being with their father. You do not want to demonstrate tat it’s okay to stay in a selfish marriage where your partner no longer makes you feel beautiful. If he wasn’t an affectionate or verbal man altogether that’s one thing, but sounds like he just no longer prefers you above any other woman. He’s lied, broken promises, and continued to do what was established verbally as cheating, for years. There’s no saving it in my opinion.
If him looking at porn is disrupting daily life then it is a problem. Someone is not really present when they are distracted by something else obsessively- it doesn’t matter what it is they are obsessed about.
In this instance its very disrespectful to be doing it in your face after having verbalised your discomfort
Every guy watching porn pretty much . They can look but not touch! It sounds like you have self esteem issues .have u talked to him about how you feel about not feeling pretty?
He has a porn addiction. Sadly I was married to one that progressed to child porn. I kicked him out.
If he can’t respect how you feel then leave!! He hears you loud and clear. He just doesn’t care at this point.
Sounds like you have more of an issue with yourself instead of an issue with porn. If you’re so uncomfortable with yourself then maybe try making steps to feel better about yourself. There is such thing as sex and porn addiction, but if you honestly expect him to never watch porn or do anything without you, then you need to be prepared to fully satisfy his needs every day. You’re unhappy in your relationship because you are unhappy with yourself.
I might get owned for this but hun love yourself first and foremost and then those other girls won’t matter. We are all different shapes and sizes but we are all beautiful! Build your confidence within yourself then nothing can take it away from you. Dont seek validation from anyone but yourself.
Why is everyone telling her to leave. HE can leave. If he’s an amazing person and a great Father that just so happens to have a perverted fetish for something that has broken his wife’s heart over and over and he continues to do it even if he looses his family over it, then he should walk away and let her go on with her life without feeling she is not enough for him. No one will be enough for him ever. He chooses porn over his family. Real stand up guy. BOY BYE is what I would tell him.
Porn is an addiction. There are therapy groups and even many churches offer free groups to fight and loose porn addiction.
Plain and simple he is trapped in lust and mental adultery AND he deliberately abuses u mentally with it… He needs Jesus and Jesus is the ONLY fix…
Jesus said lust is the SAME as adultery…
The bible has very specific instructions in roles for husbands and wives and examples of love and even sex (songs of solomon) and until your hub assumes his proper God ordained role your relationship and household will be out of order… Start praying for him AND for God to change YOU
Everybody needs to change
If you’re repeatedly having to ask your partner to stop doing something because it makes you unhappy/insecure then that’s not a fair relationship. You’ve spent 6 years having the same issue and you’re so unhappy that you want to leave - sometimes thats the best option. If you both want to make it work then perhaps couples counselling for some neutral advice and suggestions?
Leaving is always hard, but ultimately you’ll be happier by the sounds of it x
If you aren’t happy let go…it’s okay to still care about someone but no longer feel as deep as you once did…but you saying your falling/fallen out of love, don’t feel the same for him ect is a big sign to leave it’s not fair on you or him…
It’s not him with the porn problem… I feel like saying it’s cheating sounds a bit too much of a controlling situation… if you think it’s cheating than leave!! I’m sure he’ll find someone who would watch it with him than think it’s cheating!! Too much jealousy over social things that’s no one can touch!!
But did you get picked, sis?
So many women on here acting like pick me’s knowing damn well that if their man immediately searched for DIFFERENT girls in ~anything~ they’re wearing and proceeded to GET OFF TO THEIR PICTURES instead of looking at y’all in it? Fuckkk that.
To me that shit almost sounds deliberate and I’m wondering if he’s intentionally trying to break her.
You just don’t do that shit. The end.
So I’m just gonna say it… How’s the sex? Do yall/have yall communicated fetishes and sexual fantasies? Spice things up ever or is it just mehh? If you’re just not happy with him, end it and decide what you need to do for yourself to boost your self esteem/mind set/ quality of life & also quality of sex life. If hes jerking it to customer reviews, it obviously doesnt take much to get him off and I dont even know why but that makes me sad.
Seems like you had insecurities from the start to have to sit down and have a chat about him watching porn and very unrealistic to agree for not to watch porn lol and it’s not cheating lmfao.
Think you need counseling
Honestly, you knew what you were getting yourself into from the get. You can’t expect him to change his love/ addiction for porn just because your insecure. If it’s that serious it would’ve been a deal breaker when you first found out cause it’s been years since the first encounter. I suggest you leave him alone and go and begin to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, leaving him still won’t make you happy. Wish you the best.
You need to focus less on what he likes and stop trying to constantly please him. As much as it hurts, you shouldnt be expecting HIM to make you happy and constantly look for his approval/validation… Take the focus off of him and start focusing on youself first. If you are not happy with how you look, start working on changing that. That doesnt always mean “start losing weight” , you can also just go paint your hair, get a new haircut, have your nails done, go shopping and change your wardrobe. Find a job or go back to school and work on getting independent from him and find your own hobbies, go out with friends more often or make new friends. Once you focus on self growth and the things YOU like, you will automaticly start loving yourself more and it wont matter anymore what anyone thinks about you, cos at that point you will just know your selfworth. Good luck girl! (I speak from experience, cos i have been in your shoes) Either he will realise “oh shit, what a woman, i better keep up with her or she might drop me” or it will no longer bother you that he’s left behind.
Most of the woman on here saying you are the 1 with the problem is ridiculous. Until you have been with someone with a porn addiction you will never know how it feels to be made feel like you aren’t good enough to have the man who’s suppose to love you choose other woman over you. It’s not normal. Occasional porn use maybe but not every day to the extent that it ruins your sex life. He has no respect for you or your marriage. He’s never going to stop. For your own sake I think you should leave it’s never going to get any better for you. Even if he did stop you will always remember the pain. It’s not fair for your kids growing up with you being so unhappy.
Some men have porn addictions and that’s what it sounds like he has. You have 2 choices. Seek counseling - You both need it as a couple and he needs it as an individual OR divorce him. Sometimes this is an addiction that a man just can’t overcome, you should not lose yourself to his issue. You deserve to be loved and respected by a man and your husband is not doing neither.
Don’t kill me for this but I honestly don’t think porn is cheating , I don’t care if my husband watches it , I understand where your coming from tho maybe marriage counseling I honestly don’t think “porn” is a viable reason to end a 6 year marriage .
Better porn then actually being with other women… sorry u feel down about it
This happened to me almost exactly. I had to walk away. It got so bad I had to remove our daughters from him because it started to turn physically abusive. Don’t wait until it’s too late. I hope you figure out the best for you!
You set a boundary at the beginning and he crossed it many many times. He broke your trust, shattered your self confidence and he didn’t care how much it hurt you, he kept going. Those feelings you once had for him will never be the same. You deserve someone who makes you feel like the only person in the world who matters. Clearly, he’s not it. Wishing you all the best. You deserve happiness not doubt and betrayal
If it were me, I would feel totally disrespected and that he had a total disregard for my feelings. I don’t think I would’ve even lasted 6 years under those circumstances. (I know having children with someone sometimes makes it harder to leave.) But even with the children, I would still leave. He will more then likely always continue to do these things if it hasn’t stopped yet, and it will continue to bring you further and further down. You deserve to be happy and not be made to feel like that.
Get your ducks in a row! Work on this! Say nothing and when the time is right either kick him out or move out! You deserve better than this! Be a woman that does not need a man! You snd your children deserve better!
There is a very big difference watching the occasional porn to steam up your sex life. Or having a porn addiction it is a real. It takes away the sexual desires within your own dynamics. You do not deserve this selfish behaviour.
Um, did no one pay attention to the fact that he goes to reviews on clothes she purchases and gets off to other women wearing them?!
That’s definitely not a self esteem issue for her, that is weird af.
I’m wondering how TF he had time to watch porn the very night they came home with a newborn? Up every 2-3 hours feeding and changing diapers, all I wanted to do was sleep. My hubby said it too.
There’s nothing wrong with watching porn on occasion or appreciating the aesthetics of the opposite sex, but when you neglect your partner for it…it’s time to rethink things.
He is not addicted to porn… He’s jus a man… N with u saying he was looking at pics of girls in bikinis doesn’t even sound like porn… Sounds like an Instagram feed…
Work on yourself and build your confidence back and then go from there. Me personally i could care less if my man watches it because it gives me a much needed break. Also porn if watched too much can ruin a relationship because ppls expectations go up too high and its harder for them to get off to normal intimacy.
Most of these comments are blaming the sender,good Lord… These people even have not got into her shoes,but blaming her with her insecurities that her PARTNER” made worse is disgusting.,He needs help and she deserves better…
I think it kind of goes beyond the porn. He’s not respecting you. He seems like he just says things to get out of the conversation, like agreeing to it being a boundary or telling you it won’t happen again. I would say he probably doesn’t do much in the way of finding a mutual solution. Plus I feel like it’s not just the porn/comparison issues but that outside of the porn he’s not being very fulfilling and supportive of you.
You can try individual and couples counseling but if he doesn’t want to change you’re watering a dead plant. It takes two. You’ll save yourself a lot of pain by walking away.
I hate porn I think it’s sickening. And I can’t understand why if a guy is getting sex and love from hes partner/ wife should he need porn to turn him on. He obviously has problems. I don’t think I could live with it.
But then that’s only my opinion and I have insecurities with my own body so maybe seek professional advice.
You could either play the game he’s playing, or just pack it up silently and leave. Stay with a friend for a while; since he clearly is into other women besides you. You deserve better, and to be loved better
Marriage and personal for him.
Then: if it doesn’t work
Yeah hella people watch porn but him going to the reviews section of bras and underwear you’ve purchased and looking at other women is straight up weird. Sounds like you know what you want though so if things aren’t changing for the better then you need to do what makes you happy. Good luck
This is an addiction for him. He would greatly benefit from counseling. Not only him individually and yourself individually, but then after a couple of individual sessions then look forward to marriage counseling together.
As far as counselor credentials, there are so many to choose from. LMFT licensed marriage and family therapists, LMSW licensed master of social work, LPC licensed professional counselor, or a Psychologist. Consider asking for someone who has experience with clients with this type of addiction. Don’t know where to start? Two places are the insurance company to see if they cover mental health benefits and secondly the county’s local authority on mental health and they’ll be able to help find a counseling center that takes the insurance or no insurance if that is the case.
If you tried talking to him and it didn’t work and you’re unhappy I would leave if you don’t want to leave so easily I would try marriage counseling
I’m 20, he’s 22. We established similar rules (porn is not beneficial to our relationship and makes the other person feel like trash). So we loaded up our phones with a more personal “spank bank” (I believe that’s what men call them?) where he puts me in outfits and/or positions and takes pics/videos of me to use when I’m too tired where I’m almost 8 months pregnant and it has worked great for us. In reality, he may get on porn occasionally but even with watching it together, he just doesn’t get aroused no matter what we put on but does get aroused when we watch our homemade material. I think the right person will do what they need to do to fulfill their partners wants and needs and you should decide if it’s something you guys can work through! No one is perfect but if you’re done fighting over how it makes you feel, maybe it’s time to leave? Sending love💜
Does it matter who is right or wrong? Or if watching porn is acceptable or not? If you are unhappy and out of love (and maybe he is too) - why not put the cards on the table with him? If you are both struggling in the relationship - either you try counseling because you want to make it work as a couple or you can part ways and try to find happiness somewhere else. Take care!!
There’s a healthy way to use pron in a relationship and this isn’t it… I am extremely bothered by the bit about the review photos online and the night after coming home from the hospital. The review photos are invasive to those women and super gross and the night after giving birth I would be questioning his priorities. The only thing that should be getting rubbed out is the soreness in my body after birthing children.
I do think you need to find a healthier way of thinking about your body. You cannot sit there and compare yourself to any other woman. They are not you, they have not lived your life. I am saying this as someone recovering from a lot of emotional trauma given to me by my mother about my body. Its time you start loving yourself for what that body gave you; those three beautiful children. But he needs to seek some counseling and alter his relationship with porn and women’s bodies. Sounds like when uses it to disassociate or something. That’s not healthy. My ex-husband was strange about that too. Wouldn’t have sex with me much but I would find porn. It’s extremely frustrating and confusing.
The only thing that gets me is the review of the bras. That’s pretty bizarre. Did he actually tell you he wanked to review pictures? I think you have a lot of insecurities that being with someone like him is probably not great for you. I didn’t mean that to sound rude. Just meant that you two are obviously very different in that way.
I have four kids so I know sex can definitely take a back step for us women and spontaneity tends to go out the window. He may just have a much higher sex drive than you do.
Personally I don’t agree that porn is cheating and I would much rather my partner play with himself than having someone else play with it for him.
I hope you find a solution that can give you peace of mind
This is an issue you can’t fix with him, this is a him problem not a you problem. I had very similar issues told hubby how it made me feel (I was crushed & crying) and he hasn’t done it since, and believe me I’ve checked I’m worse that the cia. Either he needs help like intervention type shit or you need to leave or maybe both.
Listen… whether “everyone” watches porn or not is not the issue here… dude is literally getting off to clothes reviews, and jerkin it the night his kids are born instead of tending to his wife and new baby, he clearly has a problem, and I can’t believe anyone would ever think this is normal!
Work on being the best you that you can be. Quit focusing on him not noticing you and work on get back your self esteem. Treat yourself and love yourself. A confident woman is sexy!! Be kinder to that image in the mirror. Dont focus on him and what he’s wanking too. Being your best you is empowering.
It truly is an addiction and the only way u both will get thru this is if he realizes he has an addiction and he goes to get help first. Then a few weeks into him getting help u guys can start couples therapy.
This happened to me sadly, it killed all trust on my side.
My lovely, look in the mirror and ask yourself , what do you want. Be honest, then act. Sending you strength x
This comment section is not it She stated that they established from the beginning of their relationship that porn is cheating for them. It’s not for everyone, and each person has the right to decide. It’s OBVIOUSLY an addiction for him if he’s going to clothing reviews to get off, and getting off in a hospital after she gave birth to his child.
If you want to make things work, definitely start therapy. Yall need marriage counseling together, and separate sessions apart. You both have things to work on individually.
But if you’re tired of trying? Divorce him. You’re not in a good head space, mentally. Yeah, your happiness shouldn’t rely on someone else. But it is your partners duty to make you feel safe and secure. Which you’re obviously not getting.
Whilst watching porn isn’t cheating if you’ve spoken about it and he’s disregarded your feelings he’s out of line. As you’ve already stated you don’t love him like you used to so it’s time to walk away. Don’t use your husband’s decision to watch porn as an excuse to leave them. People change and couples grow apart, that’s just part of life
Seems like this relationship is over, start planning to leave. However, you seriously need to work on your insecurities prior to getting in to a new relationship. It is no one’s responsibility to make you feel good about you, to love you unconditionally… EXCEPT YOURS!!! Yes, your partner should magnify that; however, YOUR happiness doesn’t solely depend on them.
Pornography can heavily impact a husband and wifes intimate relationship as it can set unrealistic standards for either party.
However, it sounds like the bigger issue here is you don’t love YOU enough. Your confidence is at an all time low when it shouldn’t be. You are a wife, mother and created three beautiful children. Put how he makes you feel aside for a while and focus more on yourself. What makes you happy and feel good. Shop, do you hair, take a walk, if you don’t like something about yourself, give yourself that time just for you to work on it.
You’d be surprised what loving yourself first, can do to your relationship.
If you don’t take care of you, how can you keep taking care of everyone else?
So I’d ask him to get counseling if you want your marriage to continue. It’s an addiction the same as alcohol or drugs or tobacco is. It’s also important for you to find your beauty and self worth without needing validation from him. So you may need therapy or something as well to work on you for you. Although you don’t need to but if it’ll help your mental state you could try working out even if it’s simple and from home. Sometimes I’ve found when I am feeling low and I do some yoga and/or work out some it helps me to feel better.
Also not sure where you all are at on a spiritual level but we personally believe he can pray through and find deliverance from it and your marriage can be restored. It all depends on where you’re at and what will help you personally.
work on yourself period. Your husband would look at porn no matter who was with!! Do not depend on anyone to GIVE you confidence, you do it for yourself. l don’t need my husband to tell me l look good all the time. I worked on feeling good about myself. He will say “that looks nice on you” which is an added bonus :). There will always be someone prettier than you, but… there is only ONE you.
I’m so sorry that most women on here are saying it’s a self esteem issue. If you’ve both discussed this and agreed that it wouldn’t be done, it shouldn’t be done! If it makes you feel uncomfortable, he should respect that. Some couples are ok with their significant other watching porn and some are not. You need to be with someone who respects how you feel and he’s putting porn above his wife. LEAVE! There ARE men that don’t watch porn!
I think people give up to easy on people these days. Your vows said for better or worse. He’s not sticking it to other women just looking at porn. I’m sorry but I think it’s an excuse you have picked on to get out of the relationship. Maybe get some counseling to see why you have such an issue with it?
First you need to decide what you can control or not control. You can not control his addiction. It is an addiction. He will always be an addict whether he acts on it or not. His addiction has nothing whatsoever to do with his feelings for you. You can only control your behavior. You have lost trust and if you consider his addiction cheating, would you stay with a cheater? If not get out. If so, get counselling.
He has an addiction. Watching porn literally changes your brain.
If he is serious about wanting to make this work, he needs therapy.
There are a lot of resources you can look up online that offer tangible ways to break the addiction of porn.
Big hugs to you.
Been there- felt this to my core. The answer- Divorce him. While you are begging this man to adore and respect you with no effort from him, there’s another guy out there that would kill for the opportunity to treat you right and love you properly. You’re only dragging yourself further down the sink hole the longer you stay in this toxic relationship. Trust me. Your confidence will grow astronomically once you leave this relationship, take time for you and see that there’s real men out there that love the real deal and will respect you and admire the woman before them.
I just think he knows it affects you and continues. To me , he isn’t considering your feelings. I’d say , no point in counselling as he can still continue either way. I can’t tell u what to do , that’s up to you to decide. I do feel sorry for u. U and ur kids deserve 1000x better. U r are beautiful person and u can only make urself feel better , you are the only one who can change U! Dont ever let a man who is worthless make u feel worthless. Girl , you’ve got his kids. Focus on them and urself. Make ur self confident and give yourself time with ur kids. If he wants to watch porn , let him. Unfortunately u cant control him. If he dont want to listen , then u have to decide what’s best for u and ur kids.
Eventually , in time , everything will come into place. Keep ur head up! Uve got this!
Another person’s struggle is not a reflection of you. Addiction is a disease of the mind body and spirit. That’s how medical professionals define it. So it’s nor a personal attack on you.
I mean this in the sweetest way possible. He might still be doing it because he thinks you won’t leave over it. You’ve voiced it many times, he hasn’t changed. I’d truly say he might just not think it’s as serious as you do.
Ma’am, if you’re done, you’re done. If you’re not happy and not in love and no amount of talking about it has helped then counseling probably wouldn’t do shit either even if he was willing. I’d say it’s time to move on and grow as co parents instead. You deserve to be happy. I would say maybe if you did want to give him another chance and fix things then maybe talk about counseling or try a separation but it sounds like in your heart you’ve made your choice. Nothing wrong with that. Do what’s best for you and those babies.
Honey, lay down the law! Tell him it’s you and his kids or his porn. Tell him your tired of feeling the way you do, that you won’t tolerate it anymore. Give him a timeline to stop his behavior, offer to go to counseling with him. If he’s not willing to hear you and do his part to salvage your marriage, then he needs to leave.
Counseling if you want to fix. For the both of you. None of here are qualified to tell you what will work what will not work. The best thing for the both of you if you all want to fix it is go to Counseling.
No matter what you decide, work on you and loving yourself first and foremost. Start the kids young with positive affirmations as well.
If both of you want it to work then go to marriage counseling. He definitely has an addiction.
First, watching porn isn’t cheating lol. An addiction is some something completely different than just watching porn. Just because he watched porn doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you’re attractive. No one else can “make you feel beautiful” because you are unhappy with yourself. It sounds like you have an issue with yourself and not what he’s doing. If you’re unhappy, ask him to go to therapy together.
Porn is so bad and it’s extremely addictive, so if he’s been doing this many years, it will be hard to get it out of his head. A preacher visited my church many years ago and talked about what pornography does to families and how it gives men gratification from seeing women that are not like us…our curves, our body make up is not anywhere close to “perfection”. That puts distance between us and our husbands. Have you opened up to him about what this makes you feel? How does he respond? No matter what, you should put each other above all else. My x would say it isn’t the person, but the act of sex itself that was a turn on. He was addicted to sex phone calls, thousands of dollars a month. Every time I would think we were getting ahead, our phone would be shut off. My heart would sink. I’m thankful I don’t have to deal with any of this mess anymore! I know it’s so difficult. You deserve a good marriage. You both can fight for it or give up on it. Just think seriously about when you first fell in love and if you think it’s worth giving up, then let go. But if it’s worth fighting for, then it’ll take BOTH of you. God bless.
The reality is, we live in a digital age. The reality is, a man REQUIRES sexual release (medically, look it up!)
Even the most loyal, loving and faithful man masturbates. It is a biological need of a healthy man. Some look to porn to expedite that process.
Based on what you are describing (photos of women in bikinis & underwear), I wouldn’t technically classify that as porn.
But it doesn’t matter how I see it, this is your relationship!
If your feelings are hurt, I believe that is a “you” problem. Maybe you should talk to a therapist about your insecurities and fears (even if you drop him, therapy is beneficial).
I’m also very insecure and have learned not to project my insecurities onto my partner!
Having said this, if the love is no longer there, if it’s a behavior that you cannot tolerate… End it.
That is your right!!!
In my opinion… you gave him permission from the get go. He’s got a problem for sure. There really are 2 choices here. Either help him fix it (if he even wants help) or walk away. This is NOT your addiction. It’s his. Chances are he had it before you met and he doesn’t see the problem.
My ex husband Is ADDICTED to porn. There is a difference in watching & enjoying porn to watching every minute they can. My ex was watching it literally everyday from early in the morning to late at night. It led to him paying for live sex webcam chats etc. It doesn’t stop it only gets worse. I feel for you:cry:
Look I don’t mind porn myself. But as I said there is big difference in watching & enjoying the them being addicted. I have no advice bit look after yourself & do what is best for you as it will only get worse.
If he was actually having sex with these women, I’d say go strait for Divorce. But your man has an addiction. Would you give up on your spouse if he was an alcoholic or drug addicted? No, you would get him help.
And as for your own self confidence, you should seek your own separate counseling for that. You can’t love another if you don’t first love yourself.
I don’t see a problem as long as he’s not sticking his dick in someone else.
It makes u uncomfortable… Fine. Dont watch it. Simple
Porn is a deal breaker for me. It’s offensive and disrespectful. If you wont leave him, show him how it feels to know that you find the opposite of him and his body enticing. He needs an object lesson.
Or leave him. He is unlikely to stop and he doesn’t respect you or your feelings.
I’ll start with this. I personally think your self esteem issue is due to him. I was married to my ex that was a narcissist and verbally abusive. Compared me to other women.
So pertaining to that… it’s not you it’s him. We all have insecurities however when someone loves you they make you feel good about you.
I noticed no one asked or you didn’t say. How’s your sex life? He’s he engaged? Is it good?
I have a boyfriend now that watches porn. I have too - and have watched it together. However over the past two years he’s had issues down there. And has not seen a doctor - and from the looks of it won’t. So I’ve noticed he still watches porn. I said really… you get off to that but not me? Wow big issues. Granted yes, there are other problems we have too. I’m not settling for that. And our sex life stinks!
He does not appreciate you. You should not have to feel this way and you are not crazy. It’s not your fault at all
I went through something similar in a previous relationship. I didn’t care about him watching porn. When I started to care was when he would try to pretend I was someone else during intercourse. One time caught him with his phone on with a pic of another woman during intercourse. Never felt so horrible in my life. I quickly said sorry I am not feeling well. Within a week I decided to end the relationship. Out of curiosity how is he in the presence of other woman? I started seeing signs of flirting, trying to get other womans attention with me there. If another woman was present I would get a cold shoulder. I often noticed other woman joined in or played into this. Which was hurtful and shocking. And then learned he was cheating.
If you are unhappy and have fallen out of love with him it’s time to go, porn addiction or not.
I would simply look after yourself make yourself feel good you don’t need a man to do that. These days everyone compares themselves to others especially on social media. If I were you I would do what I could to boost my confidence by looking after myself. As to the porn no matter how much u tell him he’s a man and will continue to do what he wants so don’t even waste your breathe when he sees you don’t care he will come running! Sorry but I would rather my partner watch porn then actually cheating! I wish u all the best x
The way I see it, you have two options: marriage counseling and try to save the marriage, or leave. Either way, you need to work on your self esteem…no one can do that for you (SELF esteem). You will continue to struggle in relationships if you don’t work on loving yourself and your confidence issues. Insecurities cause so many problems in a relationship. If you don’t like your body any more, either do something about it until you do or go to counseling to work through your body image issues. What he is doing, doing things that he knows make you feel bad, is unacceptable. If you feel strongly enough about it and he is unwilling to change, leave. If you do not love him anymore, leave. But please work on your issues with yourself before getting into another relationship. You will be so much happier if you do. You need to love yourself first.
If it bothers you that much and you’ve “fallen out of love with him in a way” then it’s time to pack up and move on. He’s obviously not going to stop and it’s always an issue then it doesn’t work
The main issue with porn is that in a majority of cases it isn’t a video of a consensual act, even if it appears so. Porn hub just had to remove a large portion of videos because of this. Trafficking is real. I was 14 when a man took advantage of me, tortured me with electric shock, forced me to use random objects on myself, and many other things. He shared this with others to make money. He would take request from men and then perform said act on me. It only lasted for a weekend, but that was the longest most brutal 3 days of my life. If you watch porn without knowing it’s made by consensual adults then you support men like the one who hurt me.
If it were me and, as you said, had self confidence issues, I would want to explore for myself if that was how I felt even if the porn issue was removed. Perhaps short individual counseling for yourself may be helpful to you. It sounds to me (I’m not a therapist) that he is addicted to the porn. He would need to explore for himself what is driving that and a counselor may be able to help him also. Then, have a conversation of where you want to go from where you find yourself, be it to leave or to stay if he gives you what you have asked…to stop. If it were me, I would not make any hasty decisions unless absolutely knowing that I am simply leaving. If it were me, I would want to know if my feelings about myself are coming from what the other party is doing or a combination. I would want to remember that if in another possible future relationship, there may be something else that may need to be handled. I’ve been married a long time and have walked through what felt like some fires of my own, but chose to stay when I saw he was trying to knock whatever was the ISH over time. In my case, I’ve not been sorry to have stayed, to raise our children together, now later in life, to enjoy the grandchildren, etc. I realize no one is alike, though, so will just wish you the best in whatever you decide.
You already know the answer when you said “you have fallen out of love” with him. You know what to do.
If he has continuously crossed a boundary that you two have made, then he isn’t respecting you. Leave him
If you feel this way don’t stay it will make it worse and you’ll start resenting him if you haven’t already.
I’m sorry your going through this. Have you tried this-
It don’t matter if your you out or not get dress look sexy if he doesn’t notice fine ,how did you feel about it? Did you look beautiful with that red dress on? Did you like fierce with that bold red lip stick?I bet you will!
When was the last time you had your hair and make up professional done? That will also make you have a good confidence booster.
Maybe then do step out the house, make him wonder what your doing . start given him less attention and work on your self for you. Stop sleeping them him. You or him sleep on the couch. It’s time to put your foot down.
Get yourself some counseling.
Hell maybe kick him out serve him a eviction notice along with divorce papers. At work.you and the kids go some where for a few days.
Husband wife boyfriend sexually partner etc they should never make you feel this low sis, you shouldn’t feel like your in competition with other women for your husband attention.
My mom has been dealing with the same thing with my father for 20+ years they’ll never change even when you take them to council with an issue like this.
My husband used to watch porn before o got with him. He told me this and he doesn’t watch it anymore # accasionly together
My now ex husband had a porn addiction.a lot of these peoples comments really suck because they don’t understand what it’s like. It’s not you or your lack of confidence. This kind of thing can tear a person down and into a very bad depression. We tried the counseling thing…doesn’t work. HE has to be the one that wants to change. No amount of begging and pleading will do it. Eventually his porn addiction lead to many…many affairs…I dealt with this for 12 years…I stayed because we have 3 kids and I thought I was doing them a favor. Take it from me… its hard at first. BUT finding yourself once you leave is worth so much more!! You’ll be so much happier. We’ve been legally divorced for a little over a year. Even the kids have made comments about how much happier I am…which makes their lives happier. So screw all these people trying to bring you down farther. Until they walk in your shoes. They have NO idea how mentally abusive that kind of addiction can be! But seriously consider leaving. I wasted so many good years on a marriage like that. And now I struggle to be in a healthy relationship. But my boyfriend understands what I’ve been through and he is very patient. You need to put YOU first. If you ever need anyone to talk to! Message me! Whether you stay or not. I am here for support…not to be a judgy bitch like some people
How are you standing over him to always know what he’s watching on his phone and when? I’m so busy chasing 3 kids around myself that I barely check my own phone let alone stand over my other half to see his.
I’ve worked in sales in the adult industry for over 10 years. I’ve heard this narrative a million times. I’m not shaming, I’m not blaming. When people are dating they talk about if they want kids, where they want to live, their financial goals; but we were raised that “good girls don’t talk about sex”. Well the #2 reason that couples divorce is sex. So maybe we should talk about that more. You can’t force your partner to feel the same way as you do sexually. It’s a conversation to have before marriage. My guess is that he can’t express himself sexually to you the way he would like and that’s not exactly your fault!!! It’s a problem that so many couples face and don’t know how to handle because no one ever taught us how to be sexual beings and how to respect others sexuality and how to discuss it. Please, PLEASE, go see a professional therapist. These people on Facebook aren’t licensed professionals. A real therapist (maybe even a sex therapist) can help break down the walls between you two! And if they can’t, don’t stay where you don’t feel respected Your kids deserve a happy momma!
Been there with my other half. Don’t think they stop they just learn to delete history. Do what’s right for you hunny