Mine didn’t grow up after 22 years. Best thing I ever did was leave. I know that’s why my kids have the great work ethic they have now because they saw me have to hold everything down. If you keep letting him slide he is going to keep doing it.
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He is A lazy good for nothing you and your kids would be better of with out him
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It won’t get better. And he won’t grow up. If he were the stay at home dad and you supported your family, that would be different. Look in the mirror and say. “ self I am worth more than this”. And move on without him
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Run baby run he will never change believe me love him from a distance and quit being his mommy you want him to grow yup let him go and don’t use the kids against him I will pray for you to get the strength you need . Bring their done that I am slot more happy today good luck
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No he won’t grow up. He’s your third child. You do everything for him. Time to take your little ones and get out of there. It wo t be easy, but is it easy niw?
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After 4 yrs of a free ride, he’s not going to change. There are many men who are irresponsible and live off of women until the women demand change.
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Ask yourself…Would you want one of your kids putting up with someone like that??? Then you will have your answer. Children are smart and most of the time they learn from their parents. Set a positive example for your children. Yes it may hurt at first but it the long run you will be happy.
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He could hit the road. But I wouldn’t be working off and on and having my kids be without either. So you should have a job too.
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You already know your answer to this! Your hoping some of us will tell you he will take financial care of y’all. With that said WE THE WORKING CLASS ARE PAYING BOTH OF YOU TO STAY HOME!!! Which isn’t fair . We have to take our kids to daycare/sitter/grandparents so we are able to support our families.
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Men don’t change. If he doesn’t care enough about you and your children now, what makes you think he’s going to magically wake up and support his family? you are enabling him. If a man really loves you, he will take care of you. Dump his sorry butt.
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You can’t be the only one who works… he needs to pull his weight too… be serious with him about it and if he doesn’t like it then Adios amigo !
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Sorry nope why you do it all he has no need to work as long as you enable him
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Why would he when he hasn’t had to since before you got together? I would have never had kids with him. Why would I want to be a single mom of 3 kids one who should be an equal partner. Do what you want not my life not my problems but if you’re sick of it get out of it. You chose that lifestyle
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If he didn’t have a job when you met him and not one in a year I would’ve run the other way. You better get out now. He’s not going to change.
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You’re gonna need to work if you leave him so before you say I have two kids to look after you need to realize millions of us work and raise kids. Leave him or don’t leave him but you need to make sure you hold a steady job and lead by example and don’t depend on a man to take care of you when you can take care of yourself. He’s your boyfriend not your husband he is not obligated to support you but he is obligated to support his kids and you’re not obligated to support him but you’re obligated to support your kids. It may sound mean but I did it with 3 and worked two jobs to ensure they had what they needed and it didn’t kill me.
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Move on make a better life for yourself and kids, maybe that would motivate him, your children need you to be strong
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If he won’t get a job and financially support you when he has little dependant on him he will never change. You appear to be in love with the idea of love and family when your reality speaks differently. Don’t saddle yourself and your children to this life. Talk to him and tell him to shape up or ship out. You deserve better
He doesn’t love you. Kids need a normal healthy example as a parent.He could of been going to a trade school or something.
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You need to ask yourself Are you happy for yourself & your children’s
If yes then stay
If No move him out bc you and your children’s deserve better
I myself would NEVER let a man sit all day at home doing nothing he’s suppose to support his family you can do better and live happier
Sending prayers to you & your kids
Be strong 
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If he is trying stay, if he doesn’t have any desire to to support you or the kids, then leave. but you need to be an adult and support your kids, and not depend on him. Sounds like he is lazy, so let him go and get a job and be independent.
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Yes silly not going to change look for someone that believes in working and making a better life
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Unfortunately he won’t honey don’t throw your life away on a man who won’t take care of you and his children. You and the kids deserve so much more. Biden your time save as much money as you can make a plan and leave what ever you do don’t go back to him he has shown you his true self. I promise there is a man out there who would love to have you and your children.
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Run. You’ve made it way to easy for him to not want to grow up an be the man he should be if they are both your kids he should have manned up and supported the kiddos. Neither you or the kids deserve that but what you allow will continue. If he can honestly get away with not working for 4 years and you’ve let him sponge off you what motivation would he have to get a job he can just take everything from you and do nothing way easier. Not ok by any means but he’s clearly not a man drop him and see how much extra money you have without that waste of space sorry but its true. No man would be ok with seeing his family struggle while he sits on his ass n does nothing. Good luck hope you find the strength to drop that excess waste.
First of all, you don’t need a job. You need a career path so you can support yourself and your children whether he ever gets his act together or not. I preach this to women all the time. Never put yourself in a position where you have to depend on someone else solely. Don’t have the skills for a career? Go to school…Pell grants don’t have to be repaid.
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You can not change him it is in him if he wants to change. Love is a powerful emotion and so is having 2 children. You and your children deserve better. Pray and give it to GOD to help guide you.
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Not sure of your ages but, if he has sat idle, this whole 4 years while you keep the kids and work off/on… RUN…RUN as fast and and far away from him as you can! This is not the way to show your children how a family is made!! As long as you are supporting him, he is gonna sit his lazy ass right where he is , I promise!!
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Well he might but he he might not either. You need to decide what you want for your children to see as an example and you can’t put it all on your bf…long gone are the days of stay home parenting very hard to do with one income nowadays it really takes two paychecks and that sucks but it is what it is …only you can decide who has the most potential to go to school and get a good paying jobs whether it is the trades or college…good luck have you talked with him about a plan to get ahead…
Sorry babe, you’re wasting your time. You are worth so much more. Don’t settle for anything less that what you’re worth and again, you’re worth is way above his means!!
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Life is too short . Unless he has a medical or mental problem keeping him from working then he needs to GO TO WORK! He doesnt respect you or work kids. He only loves himself. Your children are learning that you dont have to work. And are doing without things that they need. You are doing everything in your own anyway. Get rid of him. One less mouth to feed. You and the kids deserve better.
Girl, you think after 4 years of sponging off you, and contributing NOTHING to the bills or help with his and your kids, that he is all of a sudden gonna grow up and change his ways?? why would he ruin a good thing?? he is never, ever gonna change his way. kick his butt out!!! you don’t deserve this! you can still love him, but loving him does not mean you have to put up with this. hint, hint-----you are being abused and used and don’t know it! please, please don’t enable him any longer. I guarantee you that if you tell him to leave, he will show you his true colors.
Sorry Sweetie…what you see is what you get. If he hasn’t really had a job in 4 years he isn’t gonna get a job. You and your children would be better off with him living else where…and don’t give him any money or services you get. He needs to take care of his own self instead of you supporting him. Good luck dear!!
If he won’t work, then he can take care of the kids while you work. You have an excuse that you can’t work all the time cuz of the kids. Okay, so what’s he doing? I know many people who the dad stays home because mom had the better paying job. If he won’t even watch the kids while you work, then leave.
I’ve been dealing with the same situation for about 4 years had to move back to my parents because I refused to keep struggling. He will never change trust me it’s best to get on sooner rather than later.
People Don’t really change unless they decide to. He has little motivation to do so. Ask your self this: would the kids and I be worse off without him? Use that to consider your options for moving forward from here.
So you don’t work either? I’m guessing the “on/off” part time work is only to satisfy the yearly obligations to cont to receive welfare and it’s not actually to provide anything substantial for your children? Why dont you go get an actual job and he stay home with the kids/house? I’m sad that your children are in a place where they will never understand what determination looks like, bc it sure does not look like this.
If he is not working, why is he not taking care of the kids so you can at least work full time!? He needs to either take responsibility and get a job or take on the household Duties while you work!
A relationship is a partnership. He is taking advantage. I went thru it and wish some1 would have gave me this advice. Why should he step up if u continue to h andle it all. He wont beleive me…u already have kids. U need a man not a moocher!!!
I wouldn’t hold my breath for that I have a son-in-law like that never work and 3 kids with daughter and 5 kids with other women and never supporting any of them but I guess to each his own
Are you asking for Comfort or a Solution?
Comfort: pray he will grow the hell up, and take care of the family.
Solution: Get yourself and your children a home, and yourself a job! There are all kinds of programs for help with the children. Go to court, get child support. I’ll bet he gets a job, because he won’t want to be in trouble with the law.
It will not get better sis lol he is way to comfortable and do you know how hard it will be to secure a position after having no work experience in 4 + years ? see ya sir 
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If you are working and he isn’t then he should has all the responsibility of a stay at home Dad. If neither of you are working than the work at home, cleaning, cooking, take care of children should be 50/50. If he doesn’t like it than he should leave, not you and not your children. So in short just give him the ultimatum for doing stuff at home so you can work, him get a job or he leaves.
Seek good counseling and I would give him a deadline to get a job or move out. Don’t expect child support. He sounds like he’s not a provider and would become a “ dead beat dad”.
Honestly, if you have been together that long and he still hasn’t got it together. Unfortunately, he probably never will. It sounds like you’ve enabled him and now he has no desire to get a job.
Time for an ultimatum. That’s not cool at all.
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As long as you don’t make a stand he will never work. Seen afew couples like this. You need to give him an ultimatum. And he should be working. There is no reason for you to support a grown man. Good luck, I hope you have to guts to stop this if not this will be your life forever.
Don’t mean to be invasive…You say your “partner”. If you’re not married, he’s not working so he’s not providing…what have you got to lose? He’s living off of you and your children! Taking away from you and your children… You’re self respect and your children are important and so is your well being. For me, it would not be a hard decision.
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Don’t hold your breath fir him honey. You’ll need to teach your children the difference and just do it yourself like many of us had to do. If you don’t, you’ll end up with a huge resentment that won’t go away.
If you’re working off and on and he’s working NEVER, how are the basic needs getting taken care of? If you’re recieving welfare, food stamps, and Medicare… why do you need that deadbeat partner of yours? Someone needs to do better, out of the both of y’all… and it clearly won’t be him. #DoBetterWoman
4 years and hes still there doing nothing? Wow! Committment to its fullest. Listen sis, he needs to either get out n look for a job or at the very least, do volunteer work or something to help you out. Does he help with the kids? Or with house work? If he absolutely does nothing, may be you need to let him go. Do you really see yourself investing another 4 years doing what you’ve been doing for the last 4? Sometimes you jus gotta cut your losses😔 its not gonna be easy but you need to pull out the weeds in order for the flowers to grow.
Yes you & your family deserve better
No he won’t grow up unless he wants to & you can’t make him want to
Been there before it didn’t work for me to wait for him to never change
It was worth my sanity to figure it out on my own with my kids & I think it made them better individuals
Nothing wrong with struggling & beans, weanies, & ramen
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You know what you need to do. He has never worked…why would you think that would change? You take care of things just fine by yourself. Stop trying to fix what will not change unless you start fresh.
So you are the sole support of the family so obviously you do not need another mouth to feed. Sorry to say he was just your sperm donor you can thank him for 2 beautiful children but other than that he has absolutely no love or respect for you if he is not willing to support his family.Get out you and your children deserve better
Sometimes love isn’t enough. He needs to understand that he needs to be a productive member of the relationship for it to survive.
Ok, I wasn’t clear. Does ge help with the kids? Like I mean if he took care of the home and the kids and all that then I could see…but if you’re still having to do all that for the kids too hunny you are a single mom with a broke roommate. Just let him know he’s gotta get moving or move around
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If he hasn’t changed in the past 4 years, he’ll never change. You and your children would be better off without him.
My mother did this for 20 damn years and nothing ever changed!!! Yes a man doesnt need to solely provide for you but his ass should at least contribute especially for the children
Your are allowing your children to see what is expected of a man and women by what they see in your relationship. Create an environment for them now that you would be proud to see them live for themselves in the future. Sometimes it’s no longer about ourselves, but our children.
It won’t get better until he decides to grow up. And that could be years and years.
As long as he’s with someone that’s willing to pay, why should he?
I’ve been with someone like that before too. It didn’t change and I got sick of it and said, bye bye sucker!!
Love has Nothing to do with Enabling and Rewarding Bad Behavior in a Grown man capable of Providing for his family. He either pulls his financial weight or consider homelessness. It’s real simple. Then see if you can qualify for assistance benefits.
He needs to go. And you need to set an example for your kids. If he stayed home, cleaned, cooked, and cared for the kids while you worked, it would be different. But you are allowing him to use you. Both you and the kids deserve better.
He doesn’t have a job outside of the house. Does he do all of the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids etc? If he does, he’s a house-husband. If he doesn’t, he’s a burden and needs to go. You can do bad all by yourself.
I don’t think he’ll change. A man should always want to be the bread winner of the family. This man obviously does not, nor will he ever. I’d give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t follow through, leave him and start your life anew with your two children.
Think of it like this you would be going to the exact same things with or without him but with him you may not find happiness with someone else as long as he’s there like the saying says you can do bad by your damn self he won’t change and he won’t grow up if he has it by now get out you’re being the same situation as if you were in now just without that one extra person
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Maybe put a light under his butt and tell him that you’re applying for child support. Apply for assistance. If they are his kids, he needs to put forth 1/2 of what it takes to raise them
What you got is what u get, it only gets worse … wish my comment wouldn’t be so grim, but wish I would have listened to my Mother when she said " a leopard can’t change their spots" 🤷
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Somebody once told me that there is a fine line between helping and enabling. You have to decide as I did, which one you are doing. Find out if there are physical or psychological reasons that he is not working. If there is a problem that can be ameliorated, you have hope. If he is just riding the gravy train, you need to make a better life for you and the kids.
Hes not going to change. I was involved with someone for the last 10 years. And he was a deadbeat. Didnt really keep his jobs long. In those last 10 years I hoped he would change. But nothing
You must come to a place of reality. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior…you can either go to school and get an education that will support the 4 of you. Meanwhile, the HOUSE is his responsibility…he keeps it, does the laundry, changes sheets, mops, scrubs, cleans up all sorts of messes. THAT would be his job. And if you truly love him and like this train of thought you may be able to make it. But he has to hold up his end of bargain. First time screw up…OUT!
He isn’t going to grow up …he hasn’t by now he never will and why should he you worry for the both of you and it’s not fair to the children . So my advise … kick him to the curb , get a job and learn how to manage your money and you life
After 4 years, nothing is going to change! Get rid of the free loader!
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He won’t. He needs to do all housework, cleaning, laundry, cooking and dishes. Care for the kids while you work a 40 - to 60 hrs week
How does that sound? Otherwise tell the moocher to get out.
Wait…since he’s not working, he can watch the kids and you can get a job, right?!? So…it’s both of you that are too lazy for either of you to step up & work full time, to take care of these kids. You two sound like you’re two peas in a pod…you should never have had children. Poor kids!
Lead by example get a job and do the damn thing then make that paper boo boo and take care your kids give him 3 months if he does not try to change or help then send him packing
Pfffft. Married to a similar type for almost 20 years. Run for your life! You are going to get sick of supporting him AND the kids! He wouldn’t watch the kids so I had to work AND pay a sitter. RUN!!!
Wait…what? Neither of them is working and SHE’s mad at HIM for being a deadbeat? Seriously? Girl, both y’all need to get yo sh*t together and grow up!! Look at the example that you’re setting for your kids. How embarrassing. Geez Louise
Unless he is babysitting and cleaning the house and cooking and handling all the household duties, then he is useless and needs to go or get his stuff together and get a real job!!!
Agreed, you deserve better. I could never be with a man who didn’t work. Give him ultimatum, get a job or get out.
Ok, so I am not a big fan of making these kinds of decisions during these unprecedented times! In all fairness you waited 4 years and then the Pandemic got for you to kick him to the curb? My grandpa and grandma were together for many decades before they passed. My grandma worked and my grandpa didn’t they made a beautiful life and that doesn’t mean he didn’t contribute to the household because he did! I think that you should get an understanding with your partner and get counseling together and work it out!! Idk I just am not a fan of making these huge decisions in a pandemic when jobs are scarce and unemployment is high and it is risky to be out in the cold!!
It takes 2 incomes to live. Put children in daycare and work like most of us have done and I’m 67 and still working.I have worked at least 40 hours a week since I was 16 years old!
It isn’t a man job to provide. It is the right of parents to provide. If the person you’re with isn’t doing anything to provide financially, emotionally, or physically, leave them. They will never change.
hello, you both need to be working full time. Not living off the state. You didn’t say either one of you were disabled so both need to work. Teach your children to take pride in themselves. Teach them that it’s up to them to work for what they want.
I didn’t mine having his children and working but I’ll be dammed if I would support any bum .Helping is one thing but never have someone who doesn’t do for your family.You don’t need that.
Four years, he won’t change. Your children need to look up to parents, so if you want your children to follow the same path, stay with him.
Who told you that you don’t deserve to be happy?
Who told you that you are not worthy of a loving man that will love and take care of you wholeheartedly?
You are worth more than what you are settling for…
My husband and I were both single parents.We dated and when we got serious and married my mantra was" You will not have to support me, but I won’t support you financially! It had some bumps… but works!
Is there a reason? Is he disabled or something? If not, if he isn’t taking care of the kids or contributing financially he is a buster and you need to leave if you don’t like it!
I did this for 7 years. Took care of him, worked a full time job and after we had a child he never lifted a finger to help me. Left him, went to college full time and worked 30 hours a week and got my degree while raising my 3yo with no help from him. Never looked back!
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Probably not going to change if it hasn’t in four years. You will have to search your heart and decide how to go forward. Praying you will make the right decision for you and those children.
Two children didn’t push him to get a job? Unless you’re independently wealthy or he’s disabled,there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be financially supporting his offspring.
You have your answer. Take a chapter out if your own book and don’t make babies with men who can’t help.
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Nope…never happen…when a partner is a liability to the relationship and not an asset, time to make some hard choices. I married one, my parents called him a bum
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Sorry Dear but he will never grow up as long as you continue to enable his lazy habits.
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Why should he work when you do everything? Some men never grow up. Give him an date to have a job by or get out.
Time for both of you to get your stuff together. Both need to get a job, full time, and if it took you 4 yrs to get tired of this situation I don’t know of any advise that would help.
Is he at stay at home dad? Does he do all the kids things? If he doesn’t then leave. He’s not worth it.
Girl why did you have 2 kids. You knew this was the way he was from the getgo. Best decision would be to leave for the sake of your kids.
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If he is going to stay home and not work, let him keep the kids and you go to work. If he doesn’t like that tell him to hit the road. You are right, you deserve better.
U need to leave him, no way showing lol over or respect u. it is not showing ur kids what kind of man they desrrve.
If he hasn’t changed by now he probably won’t. Your enabling him to do what he’s doing. Either you tell him to leave or you leave. It’s time for both of you to wake up. Been there done that, staying doesn’t work
How exactly do you manage to support 2 children when neither of you seem to have full time employment? Do you live with parents or live off the government? You both need to grow the hell up and get jobs!