Sounds like you went from one bad relationship to then next…just with a narc that hid his stuff and made it look good at first and now is showing his true colors
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Sounds toxic and abusive to me
Narcissistic, Gaslighting get out
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Out of the frying pan into the fire and with another baby.
You are not engaged to a wonderful man. He is a selfish prick and he is abusive. That verbal garbage he spews is mental abuse.
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He is a narcissist…… it’s the fitting for the definition for the description of a narcissist…. The hero… the one who plays nice til he gets you right where he wants you
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He sounds like a narcissist. They always start out sweet and supportive. Once they think they have you locked in they start the mental and emotional abuse. When they fuck up its your fault, you’re always wrong and they see you as being less than them. Anything that happens to them or in their life is more important than anything in yours will ever be. He will eventually try to break you down and convince you that you can’t live without him, no one but he will ever love you.
Leave. Leave now. Before you get stuck
Leave this relationship is toxic and we possibly end badly if you stay.
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He doesn’t sound that wonderful.
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Save up n leave! Worry about you n the baby n I’m sure things will get better go to family if you need it
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The reason all this happens is because you never have the chance to heal.
You jumped from an ex to a new one and you never had the time to chill out. He was your “best friend” and y’all make this friends with benefits situationship. Now you prego with a 3 years old, something that he wasn’t prepare for. Life is way to short. I don’t see any marriage because at the end, you gonna feel unstable around him and dealing with his disrespect, will make you extremely miserable and right now, you need to find the strength to deal with your child. He needs you the most.
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Being angry isn’t an excuse to leave and try to break up with you all the time. And then when he says “I’m a terrible man” he’s trying to make you feel guilty for pointing out any issues. If he’s acting like this when you’re pregnant, I don’t even want to know what he’s going to act like when you have your baby. And babe, just cuz he supported you through the stuff with your ex, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be with him. You don’t owe him anything for that. If you’re not happy and he doesn’t want to listen to you or change? It seems like it’s time to leave. Him ignoring your feelings to me says that they don’t matter to him. Only his anger does. I agree with a lot of the others that are saying those are narcissistic traits. And it’s gonna be way harder to leave once the baby is there. If you’re not gonna leave soon, I would suggest making a plan and setting aside some money and getting ready to leave sometime in the near future because it won’t get better unless you guys get some help. And he has to be willing to do that and I honestly doubt he will.
Sounds narcissistic (not saying an outright narc without more context). These behaviors mirror those of a narcissist. The initial love bombing to give you a false sense of hope and security, the savior act, the gaslighting and emotional manipulation. It likely won’t get better. I hope you find the strength to leave and be independent of men for awhile. I’d seek therapy so you’re not so inclined to miss red flags in the past and can better protect yourself and your children.
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Let’s start by mentioning narcissism. A LOT of people throw it around saying they are a narcissist. You can have more narcissistic traits than others without qualifying for the diagnostic title of a narcissist. BUT that doesn’t negate the fact that these behaviors mirror those of abusive men some of us have encountered who are textbook narcissists.
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THEN let me address all of the people on this thread saying two way street, ask about his day blah blah blah. You can’t gather from this post that she doesn’t but what you CAN gather is that he is being abusive. He is gaslighting her, he never takes responsibility and he is further emotionally abusing her by threatening to leave/ leaving and coming back every time he isn’t satisfied. He’s showing her worth in ignoring her. “If you start by how bad your day is he will shut down” PLEASE don’t lecture this person on how to communicate with a man who has not intentions of communicating with her. He could EASILY explain that he is overwhelmed, tired, upset etc and it isnt her responsibility to read his mind. If he has a problem he is just as responsible for learning to communicate effectively. Some of you don’t have healthy relationships in your lives and it shows.
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Take your babies and leave
There’s nothing you can do to get him to change. Sit back breathe work on your relationship with your 3 year old. Work on soothing yourself or go get therapy for your issues in your life. Leave him alone and take care of yourself.
You don’t know what he is going trough, a woman, aspecial needs kid and a kid on it’s way can be pretty stressfull and maybe now he realised what he is getting into.
Try talking to him without pointing the finger to anyone or complain. Just tell him you understand his position and share your concerns.
Maybe you guys need a little us time
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He sounds abusive not wonderful
Welcome to marriage.
You have been in an abusive relationship previously how can you not see the signs that this is going down the same path….
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Narcissist, run!! I’ve done it twice, both short term relationships, and I’m still recovering mentally years later. Don’t do that to yourself because the nice side will have you high, while the bad side is secretly draining you. And that’s not even touching what he’ll do the kid once he’s comfy. Please just run!
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Hate to say it but he could have been out with another woman. A friend of mines old man did her the exact same way. They try to make you look crazy. Trust your gut!!!
Honestly these are all red flags. He seems very narcissistic. And I agree with what everyone is saying it seems like you left one abusive relationship for another one. Remember abuse isn’t just physical. I think you need time to heal and love yourself. Once that happens you’ll attract a different type of man because you’ll know your worth. 
I’m sorry your going through this.
He could be going through some depression too. If he isn’t getting help or acknowledging it that could be some of this. Men have a harder time expressing mental health problems and it sounds like he’s lashing out and it’s throwing you off cause this isn’t him. Like you know something isn’t right here. Could also be he’s a narcissist but with everything going on maybe just really check and see how he is doing. Trust your gut though
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No mama. You’re not wrong. Y’all just had a baby. A preemie at that. You continue to do what’s best for your sweet baby!!! You’re doing everything right. He doesn’t need to be complaining right now!! Them games can wait. They will be there. He needs to focus on the more important things like YOU and yalls baby. There’s no excuse…
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Not wrong at all, it’s selfish that he’s more worried about stupid video games then visiting with your son. My fiancé does the same will get on video games and then not want to take care of our son and I’ve told him that these video games is ruining our relationship. But you’re doing what you can for your baby and providing for him keep doing what you’re doing!
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Emotions are obviously running high. Don’t ever expect a man to fully understand what a woman goes through having a baby and remember, mumma knows best.
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You are not wrong, he has a new child, video games should be the least of his worries, caring for a life he chose to help bring into this world should be priority without complaints
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Are you serious? His desire to play video games is more of a worry to him than visiting and delivering breastmilk to his premature newborn, that’s incredibly selfish. Video games will still be there when baby comes home
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Not at all. My first and only child was born at 26 weeks. It was the roughest time, emotionally and physically. My partner and I experienced things differently but even he was/is a Xbox enthusiast and always made sure our son and me came first. Doesn’t matter what number child it is, having a NICU baby is stressful enough on its own without the lack of support from your partner
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Games when he has a newborn fragile child? Immature and selfish
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You are not wrong my husband is a big gamer but when we had our daughter at 32 weeks when it was his day to go see her (we had to rotate day to see because of covid only one of us could be there every 24 hours) he would rush home from work shower quickly and leave never once complained about it
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Seriously his games are more important then feeding his baby and going to see his baby… I can’t deal what a loser🤦♀️
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Tell him to grow up and be a man and take care of his responsibilities like a man and real father should. Being able to raise a child or children is a blessing. That game console isn’t a blessing
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You already know the answer. Just do what u know u need to do!
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Let your husband know your emotions. Games are just there, they shouldn’t be first thought when you have a child in the hospital. He needs to learn that kids and you are more important than a freaking system.
We bearly got a tv again after a long time, so my hubby hasn’t been able to game for awhile. Now, we watch more movies if the kids are good, but every now and then he’ll hope on and play a bit of game. Ironically, now our daughters just watch play lol they Cheer him on lol
So try sitting your man down and talk to him and see why he feels the way he does about gaming and about y’all’s new baby.
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Nah girl, you are justified. Like, video games will always be there… tf
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I would feel the same way. It sucks when you have to force someone to help you with your kids, especially the Father. I’m here if you need to vent. 
Oh I would be losing my ever loving mind and putting him in check real quick. Having a baby in NICU is extremely stressful, exhausting, traumatizing. Then add the fact that you’re recovering from giving birth to a living, breathing human being that your grew in your womb for all those months, then add sleep deprivation because you’re worried at all times about your baby then the stress of pumping and for good measure let’s add the rest of your life that also needs to be managed and lived through daily. He’s out of his dang mind if he’s acting like this. Extremely immature, and 
selfish and self-centered. At the first .3 seconds of his whining I would be nipping it in the bud. He has zero rights to complain and moan and groan about trivial insignificant stuff when you’re doing everything you can to make sure your baby gets what is needed and maintain your sanity through it all. The time my daughter spent in NICU was the most difficult season, no two esta about it, it’s hard hard. This man child needs to grow up and fast 
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So I didn’t have a preemie but I did have a child with a severe heart condition and my ex-husband brought his computer to the hospital and gamed the entire time. Even when the doctors would come in to talk about the upcoming surgeries. It was awful and I’ll never forgive him for it but after counseling I’ve come to understand that it was his way of coping. It was rough and it made me resent him for the rest of our relationship but most guys don’t have the mental capacity to cope with things like this. I’m the same as you. Just do what needs to be done and stay focused so I don’t fall apart. It’s hard but my little man is 6 now and it was all worth it. Maybe try to talk to him. Figure out how he’s feeling or handling it. Ask him why he’s so obsessed with gaming rather than seeing his new child. You’d be surprised how male’s brains work. Sending hugs and positive vibes.
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He’s behaving like a child.
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You don’t have a man, you have a little boy. He will probably never fully invest himself into Family life. My first husband was exactly the same ! His needs came first and they never change ! Finally divorced him
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Hes probably really stressed and needs some sort of down time. Maybe get a license? I’m also the only one in my relationship that drives and to be honest that gets super annoying. Your free time is limited because you have to play uber on top of working and dealing with other family stuff.
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He can always bring it to the hospital. Hospital all of the time Can take a toll on someone and some people just can’t handle it like others. When my little was in the hospital the nurses were stressing to me the importance of going home, getting rest and taking care of myself/having me time while all of that was happening.
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He could bring his game to the hospital. You have to remember he’s under the same stress you are women just handle it better. He might just need to relax a bit.
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He needs to grow up…
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Punish him like a child since he is acting like one…take his games and hide them and tell him he can play when he does what is expected of him🤣
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Everyone deals with things differently if video games is his release and hope he destresses than he has everything bottled up. Idk how to feel about the pumping comment
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Heck you can do this, take the test and then tell him to suck a nut!
Ewww I can’t believe some of the comments !!! It’s his damn child!! And his complaining he can’t stay home and play video games
How immature and disgusting of him
Go get yourself a licence, a car and get rid of him he sounds like an absolute douche
and these comments maybe his stressed- bring the game to the hospital !
Everyone deals with things differently 
What the actual fuck.
It’s his newborn baby! At the hospital by its self! And his complaining about video games !!!
Msg me if u want Hun x
No sentences? Not even periods? Can’t even figure out what’s attempting to be conveyed.
7 f’ing kids and he has time for video games!!! Seriously? Sounds like you have 6 kids! No, you are not being selfish!
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Hammer + console= bye bye game. Blame it on your hormones. 
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I feel for you and understand your point but quick question, is there a medical reason you don’t drive? Or is it by choice? Being the the only driver in a relationship can be very stressful, speaking from experience, and after working all day I can understand wanting to relax and not be a Taxi. If you are able to get your license I suggest you do so, you are home no reason you can’t go to the hospital while he works to support your family, especially with 5 children. There is no way one parent can do all that driving with so may kids involved. I say get your license and help yourself a little. It should not be all on him!
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Don’t marry him til he proves he can grow the fuck up.
He is a loser. He needs to be worried and about helping you with 5 kids.
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I would feel the same way.
Good lord. He needs to grow up and she needs to quit being so dependent on him. Get your driver’s license geesh.
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So he’s mad because your choosing to do what’s best for y’all’s premie. He doesn’t sound supportive or caring at all.
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He’s putting video games over his child. You know the answer to your question.
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Sometimes men handle things differently than women, their way of coping with stress can be video games, hunting , fishing the usual man stuff even mowing for some helps them strangely with stress.
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He sounds like a big baby. But after working all day that’s probably his unwind time. Hopefully he learns that he can’t play his game everyday.And why don’t you drive? It would be easier if you didn’t have to depend on him for rides.
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With 5 kids between the two of you, and one adult who drives?? You need to step up as a mom and get your license so you can do what you need/want when you want/need to. While I understand your need is to be with your preemie, hospitals aren’t for everyone. Plus who is watching the other littles. People deal with stress differently, and while he may choose games; you may be choosing to nitpick things you’ve never complained about. Take a breath, focus and perhaps try communicating to him how you’re feeling and see if the two of you can make an arrangement that works.
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Get a license asap if you arent suspended
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It doesn’t stop so either accept or do what’s necessary for you n your children
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Here’s the deal: people deal with stress differently and It doesn’t always make sense.
I’m one of those people I may “handle it” and “do what needs to be done” but what I really want to do…find a craft project or a book or a horror movie and sink into it completely to give my brain and my emotions some much needed relief.
And you know what?
I. Tell. My. Husband. These. Things. I complain when I can’t do xyz. I do what I have to do. But I complain.
Why? Because I want it off my chest. Period. He’s the person I trust to take all of my feelings to.
When my oldest was born…it was a traumatic birth. He was born not breathing. Broken arm. Dislocated shoulder. Nerve injury. I obsessively asked about his height and weight because I couldn’t bear to ask if he was alive.
Your husband may be complaining.
But!!
He’s still doing the things he needs to do.
So the truth is this may be his was of dealing with the stress…The stress of working, dealing with 4 kids, a wife who doesn’t/can’t drive, and a child in the NICU. That’s a LOT to put on one person.
And to act like he’s not feeling the stress or strain at all is incredibly insensitive on your part.
It could be…that if he could game then everything would be alright.
Like if/when he he can game after work then baby is good and out of NICU and out of any danger.
It could be that his mind and his emotions need a break for a little bit.
A break that he can’t take.
But he trusts you with his feeling. That’s a huge thing. Especially being a man, because they are constantly told to suck it up even by the people who are supposed to care about them…so this is kinda what happens. They find something that doesn’t really matter to complain about.
My husband does the same stuff. I have to take it down. I have to be the one to talk him into really talking about what’s going on in his head.
Ironically (because I have PTSD) he has to do the same for me sometimes.
He sounds like a self centered jerk. Good thing you arent married. I would start looking for the best plan to leave him. I am sorry, there are a few things I wont tolerate. And one is a man that wont willingly take care of his kids.
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Get your license as soon as you can. The less you have to depend on him, the better you will be. I’m surprised he’s not holding it over your head by now.
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Sounds like a selfish jerk to me putting video games before his children. Their are 5 kids no time for video games.but it is time for yo u to get your license and be more dependent.
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He needs to man up and put the baby and you first.
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Is he complaining or is that his way of communicating stress
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You’re a better woman than I am, because I can tell you right now, if my husband and I had a baby that was premature and had to stay in the hospital and my husband was complaining because he “had” to spend his evenings at the hospital with me and our premature baby instead of playing video games, there would be one conversation about it between us and then he would get knocked upside his head!! Your fiancé IS selfish and needs to grow up. Especially with 5 kids.
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WOW 
!!! That’s all I can muster right now!!
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Definitely get your license as soon as you can (if you can) depending on a man for something so important is not the best idea, do you have family around? Or even his family?
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He is being selfish, although he might be super duper stressed and doesn’t know how to handle it. As in he might be anxious or to upset to even see your baby. Talk to him.
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Yes a driver’s license will be helpful if she is able to get it but there was at least a few weeks after giving birth that I wasn’t supposed to drive so…
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Yeah his stress levels are so high and the same of the mother that he felt delivery pains and worry about the baby being in NICU. These ladies saying “He’s stressed too!” Yeah he’s stressed out about a stupid ass video game when his child is in the nicu and he’s more worried about playing games?
You know who’s stressed right now? This woman, she just delivered a baby, sometimes ppl have a fear of driving but that shouldn’t stop the “FATHER” to be concerned and WANT to see his child too and drive together. The stress of producing breast milk for ppl who don’t. There’s stress on top of the stress that your baby is in the NICU and the nurses say “more breast milk!” And you gotta think about that man child that’s bitching about playing call of duty because he doesn’t want to drive to the hospital to see their baby. Yeah I’d be pissed.
I’d document this time of neglect for a console game and take your kids and leave. He’s probably shown his lowest concern for his kids and you to throw a tantrum about how he can’t play video games. It’s not going to get better. For me, “our baby is fighting in a box in the hospital and you don’t want to go see them everyday to encourage and talk to them”
So he’s working and the only one driving. Then he comes home and instead of being able to unwind like he used to he has to drive you to the hospital and pump?
Is he the only person driving you?
Do you give him at least one day a weak to unwind at home and gather his thoughts?
I understand that y’all have a baby and you both have things going on but y’all also have to take care of each other’s needs
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I would definitely have a serious talk with him. The video games and everything else will still be there once things begin to regulate in you all’s life again. I’d also look to see if my insurance includes or provides medical transportation free of charge just to have another option
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so currently I’m a mom to four, two bio and two not bio. I go insane I have no me time chasing and pleasing four kids. I’m under high stress and sometimes say stupid shit myself. he maybe venting due to needing a little break. I’m assuming you either don’t work or you are on leave so you have all day to semi relax he does not between work and seeing the baby. maybe let him home one day and you go see the baby? I get how you feel too don’t get me wrong pumping every two hours can be exhausting
Your nicer then I am… In that situation… I’d sell the console or snip the cord…and it would be worth the knock down drag out fight. Dude needs to grow the fuck up
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Bye boi. Done. Life is too big for his whining and not supporting you.
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I need to know why you don’t drive… BC let me get this right,
He’s deibing everywhere, there’s 4 other kids being cared for, worl, house stuff…and you’re upset he needs a break?
You’re upset he handles stress differently than you?
That’s what you’re upset about?
You dont2 think maybe he needs to blow off steam?
Sorry, you sound super petty and you have no regard for what’s he needs for his mental and emotional health.
Grow up boo. And get some help to have a healthy relationship bc I guarantee this has been a pattern. Nobody lives up to your expectations.
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Ummm. Little kids play games. I wish I had time to play a game. Only reason I’m on the phone now, dogs are outside and doing their thing. Coffee… Otherwise there’s dishes to be done laundry to be done and beds to make. Adulting sucks, we all have to grow up at some point.
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If he can’t put his child over video games, he’s a child. Sarah plain and simple he’s a child. If he can’t put his premature son first, that’s a problem. Start working on yourself sweetheart that should be a red flag right there.
Time to learn to drive real fast.
Breaks on the left, gas on the right!
Don’t hit another car - you got this
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He needs to grow up and be supportive. Someone said he’s driving you to pump… No - he’s complaining about her being busy every two hours so that her baby has what’s best for their tiny digestive system & driving you isn’t just driving you to visit - that’s his baby he should want to see also. I’m sure you’re busy as heck. I was. This isn’t a picnic for you and he won’t see that. Just sees that’s he’s working. Focus on your baby and ignore him.
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Video games are addicting…sad but true… I think he needs to understand how to separate responsibly from fun!
Our generation today of kids…(not all) will turn out the same way. Too much technology
CONGRATS by the way on the baby…sorry he came early!!
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Oh uh uh, id be furious if I had a premie in the hospital and their dad was batching about video games, and I’m a gamer myself. He needs to be focused on his child, the games will be there when yall come home.
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He’s definitely being g self centered and selfish. I’m sure he’s played the same games a million times before and his baby will only be this tiny once. His baby should definitely come before some stupid game.
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Screw all these guys and their video games bull shit, I see so many posts related to this!! Dude you made a 5th baby… man the hell up!!
Do not bother talking to his stupid ass as he will just lie to shut you up but make no changes. He may even tell you that you are selfish. You have 5 kids. Do not allow him to be a 6th
So u just grew a human in ur body, u have to pump while going though the just had a baby stage and ur manboy is complaining about not getting to play his game Tell him to by u a pump so u can pump at home … Win win?
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I am a mom of a preemie born at 26 weeks. I lived the Nicu life, and the pumping ever 2 hours ugh.
But heres what your man needs to know:
Video games will be there later, your child may not so go to the hospital, dont complain just fucking go.
Preemie life is incredibly delicate. They may be thriving one day, you leave to go to the washroom and come back to find all the doctors and nurses around your baby trying to revive them. Or they go in for a routine preemie surgery and dont come out, or their little organs just aren’t strong enough.
These are all things i watched parents go through. For my son it was a brain bleed that simply couldn’t be stopped.
Yes more preemies live than die but your man clearly needs to know that is not always the case and if he doesnt spend time now there may not be a later.
Get your license it would help alot but video games really tell him to man tf up.
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Video games are for boys not men. If he can’t put his children, particularly the youngest that needs him the most right now, first then he needs to straighten out his priorities or hit the road.
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He is voicing his feelings to you. A HUGE part of what makes a relationship successful is listening and respecting each other’s feelings, needs, and wants. I’ve been with my hubs for 19 years,and here’s one thing I’ve learned: the more sympathetic you are towards your partner’s feelings, the more sympathetic they’ll be towards yours. Video games may not be important to you, but they are to him, and he’s upset he isn’t getting to do what he enjoys. Maybe 30 mins of video game time could be had before you guys go to the hospital? Also talk to him about how to still make time for the things YOU enjoy.
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