Is my fiance being selfish?

I just don’t understand you women putting up with boys in men’s bodies.

3 Likes

Sounds like he needs to grow up ! He has kids to take care of. It’s not about him anymore.

3 Likes

Dump that man he ain’t worth it

2 Likes

Narcissistic sounds like to me

1 Like

He may need time out for an hour or two to wind down one or maybe two hours a week of down time. Having a NIC baby and other children working and continued responsibilities can be overwhelming and stressful. Maybe just a break so that you don’t break. It happens to the best of us. Stay strong as the baby grows healthier things will be easier. Maybe then eventually, go rotate every other day. Hang in there. Call upon friends and family to help. Praying for you.

2 Likes

The actual fuck. What a pos.

Fiance?? Do not marry him. Obviously, he cares more about his video games than his family.

12 Likes

He is a POS. And you are not respecting yourself. Why have precious children with a POS.

4 Likes

Okay so is he being selfish? Yeah a little. I also believe that a lot of guys don’t like being at the hospital. My husband HATED coming to the hospital when our son was born ( 29 weeks). And I hated being alone there. Being a NICU parent is hard as hell.

8 Likes

So sorry ur going through this. I also had a preemie baby and his dad drove me to and from several times a day to see my son.

1 Like

So is he working to support the whole family??? Does he get to play video games at work??? Sounds like your raising another child that’s already grown.

8 Likes

Yes. You are wrong. You had a baby with a mental teenager. That guy was never ready to be a dad and you, the mature one chose him anyway. LoL.
Let him go, or let him be. That’s the only choices.
If you choose to stay, you will always be wrong because you are expecting more than he was ever ready to give. You are with him for potential, not for actual. You’re fault.
If you go, you never have to question yourself over this dumb sh!t again, unless you take him back our end up with another guy who is only showing potential.
Grow up. You have kids.

Maybe you should take driving lessons and get a license and stop relying on him for all you transportation needs. Feeling independent is priceless. The baby won’t be in hospital forever. If he still prefers to choose video games over his child then rethink your choice in men. You chose to lay down and have a child with him. When he takes you up there is he engaging with the care of the baby? If not you need a whole new man.

16 Likes

No offense… but that kinda explains alot why he isn’t with the first marriage :expressionless: but that’s just my opinion

6 Likes

He’s not a bad guy for wanting time to himself after working all day and coming home to 4 kids, now 5 when the baby comes home. Everyone is a little selfish and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He needs a break sometimes, just like you do. But, it sounds like you both need to communicate that and maybe you should be driving yourself sometimes. It’s not surprising that he’s exhausted, you both are! Also, again, there are now 5 kids so being upset that he doesn’t have any “me” time is to be expected. There is no reason to shame him for expressing it. Cut him some slack. I work a full time job and have an 8 year old, and all I ask for is time to play video games. That doesn’t make me a child, it makes me human. Don’t bash this guy for being honest. You both are tired and a newborn is exhausting by itself, let alone a premature newborn with 4 other kids.

9 Likes

Maybe he’s scared to get attached.

3 Likes

Finance needs to grow up

6 Likes

Too bad you both don’t use birth control. He needs a vasectomy and you need to have your tubes tied. You certainly don’t need to have any more kids.

10 Likes

Wow , what if his life depended on someone to show up and care and feed him but they would rather be playing video games . When he looks back on life from his old age what will he feel was more important playing games or being a good father . What if you couldn’t be there then what would he choose. He needs to wake the heck up .

7 Likes

Wow some of you with the stop having kids comments are flat out rude nasty and obviously dont know how to read

As for those with serious and considerate answers thank you for your input and encouraging words ever sense I told him we just need to count our blessings he hasn’t really complained much

12 Likes

Ur baby needs breast milk right now If u have to go every 2 hours ur child deserves that he’s a real pos he should be thankful ur baby is ok and only want what’s best for him instead of focusing on him self and a stupid video game I would keep him around for the ride till the baby comes only if u don’t have another ride after that him and his game would be gone

4 Likes

Harley Dawn Halblaub It sounds like he’s overwhelmed with work AND home. From his perspective it’s “Go, go, go” from work, to home, to the hospital, and back home again, so I’m guessing he’s just burnt out and needs some ‘him’ time. On the other hand I 100% understand why you’re feeling the way you are, and you’re not wrong for feeling the way you do! Your focus is on your new baby, and its a little scary when they’re premature. I think you guys need to just communicate how you’re feeling and try to come up with a solution to help alleviate the stress together. It won’t be long before the baby will be at home, and you guys will be able to settle in naturally again. Driving back and forth to the hospital isn’t permanent, it’s just temporary and soon enough you’re little one will be home and you guys will be back to a normal routine.

5 Likes

He’s definitely being immature and needs to grow up. Especially after that many kids. Just my opinion

2 Likes

Are you going to the hospital every 2 hours? That’s a lot if you are. Yes pump every 2 hours and save it but you definitely don’t need to go to the hospital every 2 hours. You should get your license so you don’t have to depend on him for a ride when you need it. I would be absolutely exhausted if I went from work, then home and then straight to the hospital. There is no down time in doing that.

1 Like

He sounds like a jerk but also maybe learn to drive then ? Or if you just cant legally than do what you need to do to get that back ?

2 Likes

He needs to grow tf up.

3 Likes

Maybe he’s stressed? Worried about baby? Everyone deals with stess in different ways.

He’s stressed out. He has a kid in intensive care,he works and video games was his stress reliever. Ultimately, he’ll need to get over it because thats just what you have to do. you should go get your license so all the burden of driving isnt on him, either

3 Likes

That little precious gift comes first

2 Likes

Sounds like your being told to get your license to take the stress of him , stuff that ,he needs to man up and support you ,plenty of men would be more worried about their baby ,then some game he wants to play,don’t he relies your under stress you just had his child ,and you are taken care of 4 little children all day plus house work and all that goes with it ,while his working he gets to speak with other adults, who do you get to speak too ? Talk to him tell he can play his games later ,when bub comes home then he will be back to his routine, But if I was you I could get my license for my own freedom, not his do it for yourself

3 Likes

I would message his baby mom’s and see how he was. Honestly I would have broke that game

Kick him to the curb, make him pay child support and see how he like’s them apples….

2 Likes

He’s jealous. And you’re not selfish. The baby needs the food. Formula now a days is leading to a dead guts syndrome. Careful

Too many kids there,Who works?Alot of stress and expense.

1 Like

Yeah your fiancé is selfish af

1 Like

The health of his child should matter more then a stupid fucking video game.

Now that’s she’s posted as herself, countdown to some intent troll sending her fiance screenshots of all this…

1 Like

You are doing the right thing by your baby, so sorry he is feeling this way, hope that he comes around, hang in there that baby needs you!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my fiance being selfish? - Mamas Uncut

He’s really showing his true colors of being an apathetic asshat imo. I know you need to focus on the baby right now, but I’d also be finding a way to be more independent too. Being dependent on someone so selfish is a dangerous situation. Find a way to start driving yourself. If you need a license get one. And, I’d go ahead and start working on saving some money for an escape. In my experience they don’t improve with time.

16 Likes

Selfish? Selfish?

Obnoxious, self centred, an absolute twuntwaffle sounds more apt.
Your fiancé is more interested in his gaming than his premature child…
Yh… no I’d be having severe words with him and frankly telling him he has a choice, he can have his games but if he chooses his gaming then he best find somewhere else to live as he wouldn’t be welcome there anymore.

14 Likes

Congratulations. I hope bub is home soon, so it’s all a bit easier.

He is being selfish, terribly so. And you’re being pragmatic and a wonderful mom.

It’s incredibly unfair, but sometimes fatherhood takes out the worst in some men and unfortunately women are left with doing the majority in addition to the mental load and their own recovery.

It shouldn’t take you saying it, but do. Point out the obvious to him. If he drains you of your energy, is there someone else who can drive you, who might bring cheer and positive vibes your way and doesn’t make you feel like a burden? Additional stress and disappointment might effect your milk supply, and sometimes it’s easier to find an alternative than wait on a selfish man.

11 Likes

I’m gonna guess he was literally like this BEFORE you had a child with him. Maybe it just didn’t bother you as much because there was no real responsibility you both shared (or should be sharing) until now. I’d have an open and honest conversation with him. But, if he’s adamant he doesn’t see an issue, or, he just doesn’t care then you need to make a decision: stay or go.

Relationships are actually pretty simple. People complicate them themselves. Communication always gives us the answers we seek. We then have to be logical about our reactions concerning those answers and not use emotions to make ultimate decisions as to what we then need to do moving forward.

Wishing you and your baby the very best. Always put yourself first (mental, emotional, and physical well-being). Because now that you have a child, if YOU are not good in all three areas, you won’t be your best for yourself. If you’re not your best for yourself, you’ll never be able to give your best for anyone else including your child. Take care of YOU!

10 Likes

So apparently I’m the only one here who is going to suggest that your husband is going through a change and adjustment in his life too and perhaps his way of stress relief is his games. He’s entitled to say how he feels, like if he wishes he could play but maybe the hormones and worries of both people aren’t allowing them to catch the tones of their partner. Maybe figure out if this is his way of focusing on something he can control as opposed to the terrifying reality of being unable to have any control over a preemie baby. Just a thought.

5 Likes

You’re doing what’s best for your child, he’s being selfish, don’t sacrifice your child’s health and pieces of your soul to make him happy … He can prove he loves you both by being patient and learning being a parent means sacrificing playing video games… etc. DO NOT BUDGE OR COMPROMISE BECAUSE ONCE YOU DO IT NEVER ENDS AND YOU WILL REGRET IT :pray::heart:

3 Likes

I hate when people give advice to leave your partner when we don’t know 99% of your relationship. My advice is seek therapy either as a couple or on your own. That’s my best advice. Because nothing is black or white. Unless he is physically abusive and mentally abusing you. Otherwise this is something that needs to be discussed. And when I say discussed I mean where you can both have a mature calm conversation about your feelings with this and find a place/solution that feels reasonable for both of you. It’s about leaving your inner child and parent self out of the conversation and being in adult state while you discuss it. It’s NOT easy, everyone is a little messed up so that’s why I suggest therapy to help guide you to have this conversation.
Good luck ! :heart: A new baby is amazing but it’s also so challenging on even the best relationships

3 Likes

Definitely sounds like he’s being selfish. Talk to him explain to him that what he wants to do is not as important as doing what needs to be done. Same as doing what you want is no longer important either. Just be honest with him about how you feel, let him know you don’t mind him playing video games appropriate times. But that the kids needs should always come first.

2 Likes

Sounds like you need to have a conversation with him. My thoughts on the situations won’t matter, you are the one in the relationship with him. I hope your son comes home heathy soon! My first son came at 29 weeks and I was on bed rest in the hospital 3 weeks prior … it gets better but definitely have the talk!! :heart:

1 Like

Prayers your son continues to thrive :pray: some guys just need their “time” no matter what! Yes very selfish and it won’t get any better.

1 Like

First of all congrats! Secondly, you dont have to explain why you chose breastfeeding or formula, especially to a bunch of strangers on the internet lol. Your choice, girl :heart_eyes:
Anyways, yea that would really pss me off! And that is selfish behavior! But let’s take a step back for just a minute. We all know that as mothers, we have tons of emotions right after having a baby. The hormones, the new set of responsibilities (even if you already have kids, starting fresh with a new one is hard), the stress, the exhaustion, etc. But, because we are going through all of this, we can sometimes forget that our husband’s emotions might be kinda all of the place too. Especially the fact that your boy is a preemie! That puts added stress and worry on both of you. And men tend to hide from their emotions. So maybe he is trying to hide from them in his video games. Now, I am not making excuses for him, because like I said, I would be pssed too. But maybe try to sit down with him and see how he is doing and how he is feeling. Things may get better once baby boy is home and yall are able to establish a routine. BUT, regardless, you need to make him aware that yall are in this together and baby boy should be top priority!

2 Likes

Actually I don’t think he is being selfish. The mother is refusing to drive herself. She is being overly dependent and doesn’t require him to be everywhere she wants to be.

1 Like

You need to sit that man down and tell him you dont appreciate his whining over shit. Especially video games.
Hes a parent with a very small baby.
His priority shouldnt include games or getting mad at you for pumping.
He needs to stop whining and be a parent now.
It aint about him anymore. And it wont be for quite some time.
Personally it might do you well to sit him down and tell him how it makes u feel.
And tell him if he doesnt grow up and stop complaining, you’re gonna start feeling alot of anger and resentment. Because its already making you feel that way

Yes. Hes being selfish.
But thats not up to us, thats up to you!

Have a really serious talk. Dont freak out. Try not to get angry.
Have what u wanna say ready.
And see.what happens

1 Like

Maybe with 5 kids he’s overwhelmed but with the 6th one maybe it’ll be easier on him good luck with your marriage and family

Your baby comes first … throw the video games out and him to once you reach a certain age maybe 18 you need to start acting like a man he needs to focus on making your families life better and not a DAMN VIDEO GAME good grief people grow up !!!

Both my children were premies so I know how hard it is especially because at he time I was married to a complete inconsiderate idiot that being said speak to your husband and explain to him how you feel and ask him how he truly feels . It may be he is scared and seeing the baby in this manner is hurting him and he doesn’t want to say it to not scare you . Either way speak to him and also hear him out . Praying for your baby :baby_bottle:

In the grand scheme of things, This is a small amount of time he needs to focus on yall. It’s devastating and can build resentment not having support during a NICU stay, and the stress on everyone is palpable.

Yes he’s being selfish, but it will pass. Just explain his video games will still be there after this part of life passes. He can feel however he wants about it but it is what it is and he will just have to deal with it for a while. Life can be overwhelming sometimes

Girl you already know, validation isn’t needed. He needs to get his priorities straight or you need to do whats best for your children

I don’t know if this is an option for you, but I was able to stay with my preemie baby until he was out of the NICU. There’s programs you can look into, I’m not sure where you’re located, but in MN theres something called McDonalds house that house families of preemie babies so you can go there whenever…
My SO was also very unsupportive when we had our preemie. I needed to be in a wheelchair for 3 days and I was hooked up to IV meds, it was really hard for me to get around in a wheelchair in a huge place in had no idea where I was going and especially with the meds attached to me, and he acted like it was so much work to help bring me to the room my son was at so I could breastfeed him.
It was really a terrible time and to be truthful not much bas changed between us.

1 Like

Yes that’s selfish.
My daughter was in the NICU for a little over a month, which is an hour and 15 minutes away from our house. We went up every time we got a chance and my fiancé didn’t complain once, we’d complain about the long drive or how we just want her home but video games?!?! Priorities?? :woman_facepalming:t2:
I’m sorry but I’d smash the fking Xbox I’m petty like that I don’t play that. The game will ALWAYS be there. But real life calls.

1 Like

I am so tired of hearing about adult males and video games. Come on already. Grow up. You shouldn’t even have to ask about this. If he is more worried about video games than his family…he isn’t a man at all.

Seem to me he’s good at making babies an playing videos an you should have been marry by now

Wow sounds like he is tired of being a dad much less being a parent. I would smash the games if I was you. :roll_eyes: he needs to quit complaining and be thankful for family. Wow just wow.

If your man plays video games that should tell you that hes really still a boy. You’re basically a single mother with an extra kid that you don’t need.

It sounds like hes missing time to himself and isnt getting down time to relax or destress, video games is his way of doing it. I don’t necessarily think he means it the way it sounds.

Driving/new preemie baby stress/work plus extra kids stress adds on.
You dont get time to yourself much with a newborn we all know it.

But balance of a few mins of time to yourself is important. Perhaps he can squeeze in 1hour of time to play and you squeeze in a 1hour nap.

He sounds more stress and like hes not getting any stress relief and venting however not communicating it as clearly and comes out wrong. We all have our ways of dealing with it. Us moms tend to want to shower/nap or shop or other hobbies.

Try to find balance to support each other and recognize /appreciate the work youre both doing in your own ways.

Your premie shares my birthday. I agree with where your coming from on the situation have a conversation with him about how you feel

What a piece of work! A preemie miracle and he’s worried about $;&?!@ video games?!!!

You’ve had 5 children with him and you just now finding out he’s selfish? That’s hard to believe.

  1. Yes he is selfish. 2. How long did you know each other before getting pregnant? Before bringing children into the world with someone you should know that they are grown up enough to put the games away, because a good husband and father will make sure his family’s needs are met before playing games. But there is no changing your choice now. 3. As you said just do what needs to be done. Fix whatever is preventing you from driving, independence is power, he may not act like that if he knew you could leave if need be. But for now, have dinner ready when he gets home, draw him a hot bath, while he is in the tub take the money out of his wallet call an Uber, before walking out the door tell him while you go to take breast milk to his child, he can care for the other children ,and he should try teaching them how to game so they can have some quality father/ child time. But only for an hour, so they don’t develope bad habits, and after he makes sure their homework is done and he gets them their baths and puts them to bed. He can game all he wants. That is how parenting works. And text him on your ride home, I told the baby how much you love him for you. Could you run a hot bath for me, I have had a long hard day, and need some me time, and sleep before I get up and do it all over again tomorrow. When you get home, his attitude and the state of the children and home will tell you if he loves his family or himself more. As long as you allow him to act like a child he will continue to act like a child. If he thinks you need him to survive, he will control you. If he knows he needs to go the extra mile to keep you and his family, he will or lose you. Men don’t call the easy chick for a date they call for a midnight bootie call. They wine and dine the woman that makes them work for and earn her. Just because he put a ring on it does not mean he is in control of you. It should mean he found the person he wants to work with together to make a happy home for everyone. 4. wow I’m sorry for ranting I know you have enough stress in your life right now. I guess your situation took me back, I had 3 sons in 5 years with my husband, he believed he brings home the money, I do everything else. But I always worked, only taking off work a month before and a month after delivering my children, and doing everything else. What ended the marriage, he left the hospital after I delivered our last son, went out drinking and got arrested for drunk driving and solicitation of a prostitute. As I was in the hospital, when he called to be bailed out. I told him to call his mommy in another state and tell her about the birth and ask her to bail him out.And enough money to get MY car out of impound. It took 6 more miserable months to earn enough to leave him. And he never looked back, never paid child support, never called on their birthdays etc. We survived and were happier without another grown a$$ man child to care for. Print out all of these responses for him. Give him a chance to course correct, and get his priorities straight. If he continues to whine, give him back his ring and start figuring out how you are going to raise your children alone. Or resolve to be controlled, waiting on him and foot, while raising your children with no help from him, except cash. I pray your baby comes home soon healthy so you can bond. As you know this is a time of pure joy that passes way too quickly. You will seriously be in my prayers. Your children will need your strength and guidance to become self confident, self sufficient, caring adults.
    As I told my boys… choices and consequences…or choices and successes. Problems or progress your choice.

You already know the answer to this question. Video games? Smh. How old is he? I’m sorry but video games are for boys not men and with five children he probably doesn’t have time to being playing them much at all. I would definitely try to get your license in the near future so you don’t have to count on him. I would be furious if my baby was in NICU and that was my mans concern. Red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:

He’s being selfish. I would be working on getting my license to drive. I couldn’t imagine having to rely on someone to drive me wherever I wanted and needed to go. Sit down and have a heart to heart conversation. Best of luck

Get u a real man hon, real men dont have time for video games. Only boys play video games, especially with 5 kids to tk care of. Video games shldnt even enter his mind with 5 kids to tk care of. My ex use to play video games and i got rid of him after 20 miserable yrs with him. U need a real man, not a man/boy. Sounds like ur lil boy is selfish like most man/boys are, cause ur the grown up in the relationship and itll never get any better. Get u a man hon, and leave the man/boys to play their video games. Lol u need a father to ur kods, not a friend to ur kids, cause thats what ur setting ur kids up for rt now.

Ditch him now…do not walk down the isle

1 Like

Throw the whole man away

I’m sorry I just got home from the nicu and hope baby is home soon. Pumping is hard and time consuming but worth it. Your right. Hes being selfish and should be more supportive. I would be hurt. Sorry your going through that

You know the answer to that question

Get your license is my first piece of advice. Men handle stress differently than women do. But, he should want to be around your preemie son. Moments like this are important because this helps build a relationship with the child.

He was most likely like this before you had a child. You just either didn’t really notice it, or it didn’t bother or effect you as much as it does now. Mouse likely, you didn’t really notice it. I would really suggest, trying to go for your license and becoming more independent. Doesn’t rent skins like your relationship will last week that long he’s definitely self centered. He should be more worried about seeing and spending time with his baby, who is still in the hospital from being born to early. Instead of sitting at home playing video games. Which he can do at any time, after baby gets to go home. Possibly that was one of the reasons his last two relationships didn’t last with his other baby mamas? He focused more on himself and games, then his own children?

Learn how to drive and get your own license and car. First step to independence. Then go to school and get a job. Make a plan. You can’t change someone else but you can change yourself.

if you have a city bus, take it. kick him out. clearly video games are more important than seeing his child thrive

Just that you’re questioning this sounds like there’s been a lot of not only selfishness from him but gaslighting and emotional abuse. He should be your partner, your teammate. Video games?! Are you kidding me? Grow up. I’m sorry this is where you’re at but please know your worth and what you and your children deserve. Focus on yourself and kids best you can but never be afraid to ask for help. Try not to give him an emotional response back when he complains about anything childish or selfish. Act as if you don’t care at all. He’s being an adolescent, immature, selfish person, that’s not a parent or husband. Good luck!

1 Like

His kids and family comes before video games. Clearly he doesn’t care about his family he helped make. He helped make them he gets to take care of the grown up stuff first. Then if there’s time.he gets his games. I feel like I’ve just explained this to my 8 year old. No video games until everything else is done and if it isn’t he loses the games.

1 Like

He is being very selfish! Unpopular opinion though…is he maybe trying to escape his worries? Maybe he is feeling scared for you and baby and doesn’t know how to express that? If that isn’t the case though then he is just an ass. Good luck momma

What a jackass! A NICU baby takes lots of support and love. I can’t believe the dad would rather play games then go and see his own baby. When our baby was in the NICU my husband and I practically lived at the hospital. You’re doing great momma.

As a mother of two children that were premature and had pretty much the same problem with my first one I’m just going to tell you this tell him to go to hell and focus on your children if you cannot grow up and realize that this child is now here and needs both of you and he can go the hell on

Yes he’s selfish and doesn’t seem to be a very good father. You should never choose video games or anything else over your children.

It’s not that deep :joy::joy: Bro works , provides , drives her everywhere , has kids that he’s there for, he might be a bit of an asshole but in my opinion, let the man play some video games damn it !:rofl:

5 kids and its a fiance?? There is your answer. Not ready to commit and settle down… Baby momma’s are easy to find.

Yikes . You had three children with a 10 year old … and he has two more from a different lady ??? I don’t know why you chicks do this …. Stop painting a pile of poop pink and calling it carnations

yes he is
Hope baby gets stronger and is home safe soon.

1 Like

Take a hammer to his precious video games!

2 Likes

Get your license and your independence

Trust your feelings!

I would tell him to go fuck himself

Wow!

That’s all I got.

1 Like

At one point in time, my husband and I were down to 1 vehicle. It was exhausting taking the kids to school (they are transfers so they can’t ride the bus), taking him to work, getting myself to work, picking my kids up from school, and then picking him up from work 5 days a week for several months. I get it, but unless you are willing to get your license, ride public transportation, or fork out money for other transportation (Uber, Lyft, taxi), then both of you need to deal with it like adults and perhaps come up with a compromise.

He doesn’t feel like he has any down time. Us woman come on here with those exact frustrations. Let him vent. I would be like " yea i know. All i want is a hot bath right now as well. Hopefully our child we be out soon and we wont have to leave as much"

1 Like

Am I wrong for thinking that men need some time to de stress too, especially if they are the ones providing for the family?

Some of the stress that men feel to provide for the family can be crippling!

Maybe sit down and work out a roster if you will of time to yourself perhaps?

I think it’s healthy that his told you that he needs time, I have no doubt you need time too & that I agree!

I suggest you have a talk with your husband :heart:

Can you leave him at home and drive yourself. Men take longer to connect sometimes, as we are connected before their birth. I am sure the stressful situation is hard. Prayers to you both.