Sounds like you didn’t do much better with the second one. Dump his ass and worry about you and your children.
Abuse comes in many forms. Ditch him.
Well this is some gaslighting shit if ever I’ve read it. Get rid of him, you traded one kind of abuse for another. Boy bye.
You said yourself your moody and struggling with your mental health … guys arnt bullet proof and can only take so much befor it really start to affect them. Probably what’s happened here is he would ask about your day and it would be terrible so he stopped asking. Keep an eye on his mental health too he might be going through a lot too
Honestly it sounds like he stuck with you through alot himself and maybe he is going through something to it just doesnt affect one person it effects everyone and you guys have alot going on i would just look at the picture as a whole
That’s called being a narcissist, which is abuse. I realize you’re pregnant, and it may make things more complicated, BUT he will do this forever if you allow it.
May be from reading this he might be fed up with the moaning when he asks you how’s your day been when he’s come straight from work .men can relate in how sore they are sometimes but maybe the question isn’t asked back…sounds like you annoy him that’s why he says things to bite back …I think you both should sit down and have a chat…but not straight after hes finished work.
You need to break the circle of attracting abusive men.
You are in an abusive relationship. They come in all kinds of forms, not just physical. Seek counseling and figure out why you’re attracted to men that are narcissistic and toxic. You’re gravitating to dysfunctional relationships.
Sounds like you BOTH are being toxic to each other and you need couples counseling.
Sounds like a covert narcissist. It’s all about him you don’t matter
Therapy. He’s copping out on when stuff gets difficult. He either don’t care or needs to learn how basic listening/ communication works.
Other note: get your son early intervention services!
He sounds like a straight up narcissist.
Hmmm…he doesn’t sound so wonderful to me!
You should consider that it could be that your fiance may have mental health issues also.
Relationships are work not every dude who isn’t sensitive to someone feelings is a narcissist. Men deal with mental health issues just as much if not more than women and often barrel them up inside instead of risking feeling weak. Alot of you commentors are awfully judgmental for hearing the side of only one person. Often the advice is the same thing. Leave him for someone better. I say from experience the grass usually ain’t greener and that green you see is probably weeds.
Sounds like he’s feeling neglected. Remember people project how they feel about themselves.
When’s the last time you asked him how his day was or gave love without the thought of something in return.
Men get this way a lot when their partners are pregnant.
Gotta remember to proceed with love.
If I’m reading this correctly, it sounds like you went from your ex to this man without a break in between to work on yourself. It sounds like you went from an abusive relationship with a narc to another one. It seems as if this “lesson to learn” will keep repeating until you make the changes. I recommend getting yourself into some sort of therapy/counseling to help with healing from the past. Re-evaluate when you are where you need to be if this relationship adds to your growth.
So he was there helping you end the last relationship…he was with you all the way thru the legal steps and ups and downs…he is with you and your child from last relationship who might be autistic…all this is an adjustment for you ALL(I have a child with disabilities) there are extremely hard days and sometimes better days. Plus you’re pregnant…I dont know if you work outside the home but even if not you’re working at home taking care of things. I guess he to is working etc… I think you just need to chill. Alot has happened and changed in both of your lives. And you went from one relationship with a child to another relationship having a child. Sometimes we have to take a step back and reevaluate things. Slow down and breathe. Dont take everything personal. In the beginning it was about you because of your ex…of course its about you now and having a baby…its a blended family. Make sure you’re making time for something to be about him and his day. Maybe sometimes he seem childish but he needs to know he fits in too.
Maybe he feels like he isn’t getting enough attention himself. Maybe he’s surrounded by negativity himself and doesn’t feel like he’s supported either. Sounds like yall both are stressed
Sounds like you’ve swapped one bad situation for another I’m afraid. Toxic relationships take many forms, physical abuse is only one symptom. Be your own hero.
sounds like you may be wearing him out. He seems to have cared enough to help you get through all that he did and now he is tired. Maybe ask him if he is ok, not just wait for him to help you.
Sounds like red flags, and a bit narcissist. You have to figure out how much you’re willing to take a deal with. If he’s not willing to communicate with you, you’re not gonna get any where any ways.
Red flaaaags. Sis DO NOT ignore them. Narcissistic men charm you in the beginning and when you are hooked it flips and everything becomes your fault the gaslighting starts… I was with one. And he broke me.
Stay strong and don’t let him turn things around on you. Take care of you and your babies. Goodluck
Y’all both have a lot going on right now. Give each other some grace and re-check the sitch in a little while when the new norm sets into your lives.
This sounds a lot like a narcissist with a hero complex. It was easy for him to put you first when you were with your ex because it wasn’t for you. It was so he could have you. He was focused on himself and his desires from the beginning. Now that you’re “his”, he has what he wants and doesn’t need to put you first. The most important thing to understand is that this is not new. Even when you were “put first”, it was him that was truly put first. Take a page from his book, put yourself and your son first babe. You need true support and that will never come from a narcissist like that💖
I’m sorry, but… You possibly went from one abusive relationship… To another… The first one that treated you good, your son. And made you feel so amazing. At first. But, that’s what they do. He seen where you were at. How you were. And he jumped. You went from one abusive relationship, right into another. And you didn’t notice, because he didn’t abuse you the way your ex did. Just because it isn’t phsycal, doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse. He’s a narcissist. And, this is the start of classic mental abuse. That will eventually escalate. To emotional abuse, and verbal. Possibly, ending in phsycal. You also, brought your children from one hostile, toxic, environment to another. It also does not sound like when you left, you took any time at all before getting into a new relationship. Which especially with children, you should do. Especially one that can be a little more difficult to handle. I have been there. Exactly in this spot.
He’s been a child. Tell him to grow up. You don’t need this shit . You can do without it. And him .he needs a wake up call. Send me his number.ill frighten the bollox out of him.
Read psychopath free. It really shows you the stages of abusive relationships. Sounds like love bombing initially presenting itself to you as saving you from your prior abusive relationship but now has turned into classic gaslighting and you want to naturally ignore all these red flags because you will hope to get back to the love bombing but that’s not actual reality. Stop seeing potential and start focusing on the reality. I recognize this isn’t easy since you’re now having his baby and you already have a toddler but this cycle will continue if you do not educate yourself and build a strong support system to include a therapist. Start reading! After psychopath free, try women who love to much and love addiction.
Sounds like he’s giving a little emotional abuse. I bet your ex didn’t mean any of the things Hs he said or done. Your fiancé probably doesn’t see it that way but that’s the way it is. If he won’t listen or you can’t let him know everything you feel, write him a letter.
That sounds like mental abuse, sounds like he knows your struggling because of your history with abuse and is taking advantage of it. I would say leave, get into some therapy, make some friends and spend some time on your own, then when your at a point when your happy and believe in yourself find a new man if you still want one, but don’t settle, wait for one who will treat with love and respect. You sound sad and lonely at the moment, and yes you may be sad and lonely if your single but at least you want be sad lonely and mentally attacked, at least you can start building block to a happier life. Remember your also those two little kids image right now. If they see you accepting the behaviours their fathers are exhibiting then they are likely going to repeat that behaviour as adults themselves because to them that’s what looks normal.
Sounds like you are with another abusive narcissist, rather than a wonderful man like you said in your first sentence. They’re all wonderful until their mask falls off. Sounds like this is what’s happened. Wonderful men don’t treat their pregnant wives like that. Sounds like you left one narc and found another one.
Prayers. Have you had a good, intimate conversation with him? Sometimes they’re clueless and it doesn’t help with our pregnancy emotions.
Ur boyfriend is in fact a little snot nosed boy, not a grown ass man. I will mever umderstand why women or men put up with gaslighting relationships. I ise to put up with it as well, but no more. I knpw my wprth and od ratjer be alone than be run theu an emotional hell with a man whose not mature enuf for a relationship.
Red flag! If his go to thing when he’s angry is to end the relationship then it isn’t going to last cuz he a toxic boy not a MAN… Girl you and babies need to get your own place and ve on your own cuz you need to think about how you want your life and not worry about some toxic guy’s mood… Good luck
You got away from an abusive man, into a relationship with another. He may not hit you but the other stuff is all narcissistic. Which is abusive in another way. You’ve done it before, you need to do it again. Time to make a plan & get to moving. Sorry love, 1 frying pan to another…
Red flags. He’s gaslighting you and invalidating your struggles.
Maybe hes depressed too, you coud try couples counseling
Sounds like you went from one bad relationship to then next…just with a narc that hid his stuff and made it look good at first and now is showing his true colors
Sounds toxic and abusive to me
Narcissistic, Gaslighting get out
Out of the frying pan into the fire and with another baby.
You are not engaged to a wonderful man. He is a selfish prick and he is abusive. That verbal garbage he spews is mental abuse.
He is a narcissist…… it’s the fitting for the definition for the description of a narcissist…. The hero… the one who plays nice til he gets you right where he wants you
He sounds like a narcissist. They always start out sweet and supportive. Once they think they have you locked in they start the mental and emotional abuse. When they fuck up its your fault, you’re always wrong and they see you as being less than them. Anything that happens to them or in their life is more important than anything in yours will ever be. He will eventually try to break you down and convince you that you can’t live without him, no one but he will ever love you.
Leave. Leave now. Before you get stuck
Leave this relationship is toxic and we possibly end badly if you stay.
He doesn’t sound that wonderful.
Save up n leave! Worry about you n the baby n I’m sure things will get better go to family if you need it
The reason all this happens is because you never have the chance to heal.
You jumped from an ex to a new one and you never had the time to chill out. He was your “best friend” and y’all make this friends with benefits situationship. Now you prego with a 3 years old, something that he wasn’t prepare for. Life is way to short. I don’t see any marriage because at the end, you gonna feel unstable around him and dealing with his disrespect, will make you extremely miserable and right now, you need to find the strength to deal with your child. He needs you the most.
Being angry isn’t an excuse to leave and try to break up with you all the time. And then when he says “I’m a terrible man” he’s trying to make you feel guilty for pointing out any issues. If he’s acting like this when you’re pregnant, I don’t even want to know what he’s going to act like when you have your baby. And babe, just cuz he supported you through the stuff with your ex, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be with him. You don’t owe him anything for that. If you’re not happy and he doesn’t want to listen to you or change? It seems like it’s time to leave. Him ignoring your feelings to me says that they don’t matter to him. Only his anger does. I agree with a lot of the others that are saying those are narcissistic traits. And it’s gonna be way harder to leave once the baby is there. If you’re not gonna leave soon, I would suggest making a plan and setting aside some money and getting ready to leave sometime in the near future because it won’t get better unless you guys get some help. And he has to be willing to do that and I honestly doubt he will.
Sounds narcissistic (not saying an outright narc without more context). These behaviors mirror those of a narcissist. The initial love bombing to give you a false sense of hope and security, the savior act, the gaslighting and emotional manipulation. It likely won’t get better. I hope you find the strength to leave and be independent of men for awhile. I’d seek therapy so you’re not so inclined to miss red flags in the past and can better protect yourself and your children.
Let’s start by mentioning narcissism. A LOT of people throw it around saying they are a narcissist. You can have more narcissistic traits than others without qualifying for the diagnostic title of a narcissist. BUT that doesn’t negate the fact that these behaviors mirror those of abusive men some of us have encountered who are textbook narcissists.
THEN let me address all of the people on this thread saying two way street, ask about his day blah blah blah. You can’t gather from this post that she doesn’t but what you CAN gather is that he is being abusive. He is gaslighting her, he never takes responsibility and he is further emotionally abusing her by threatening to leave/ leaving and coming back every time he isn’t satisfied. He’s showing her worth in ignoring her. “If you start by how bad your day is he will shut down” PLEASE don’t lecture this person on how to communicate with a man who has not intentions of communicating with her. He could EASILY explain that he is overwhelmed, tired, upset etc and it isnt her responsibility to read his mind. If he has a problem he is just as responsible for learning to communicate effectively. Some of you don’t have healthy relationships in your lives and it shows.
Take your babies and leave
There’s nothing you can do to get him to change. Sit back breathe work on your relationship with your 3 year old. Work on soothing yourself or go get therapy for your issues in your life. Leave him alone and take care of yourself.
You don’t know what he is going trough, a woman, aspecial needs kid and a kid on it’s way can be pretty stressfull and maybe now he realised what he is getting into.
Try talking to him without pointing the finger to anyone or complain. Just tell him you understand his position and share your concerns.
Maybe you guys need a little us time
He sounds abusive not wonderful
Welcome to marriage.
You have been in an abusive relationship previously how can you not see the signs that this is going down the same path….
Narcissist, run!! I’ve done it twice, both short term relationships, and I’m still recovering mentally years later. Don’t do that to yourself because the nice side will have you high, while the bad side is secretly draining you. And that’s not even touching what he’ll do the kid once he’s comfy. Please just run!
Hate to say it but he could have been out with another woman. A friend of mines old man did her the exact same way. They try to make you look crazy. Trust your gut!!!
Honestly these are all red flags. He seems very narcissistic. And I agree with what everyone is saying it seems like you left one abusive relationship for another one. Remember abuse isn’t just physical. I think you need time to heal and love yourself. Once that happens you’ll attract a different type of man because you’ll know your worth. I’m sorry your going through this.
He could be going through some depression too. If he isn’t getting help or acknowledging it that could be some of this. Men have a harder time expressing mental health problems and it sounds like he’s lashing out and it’s throwing you off cause this isn’t him. Like you know something isn’t right here. Could also be he’s a narcissist but with everything going on maybe just really check and see how he is doing. Trust your gut though
No mama. You’re not wrong. Y’all just had a baby. A preemie at that. You continue to do what’s best for your sweet baby!!! You’re doing everything right. He doesn’t need to be complaining right now!! Them games can wait. They will be there. He needs to focus on the more important things like YOU and yalls baby. There’s no excuse…
Not wrong at all, it’s selfish that he’s more worried about stupid video games then visiting with your son. My fiancé does the same will get on video games and then not want to take care of our son and I’ve told him that these video games is ruining our relationship. But you’re doing what you can for your baby and providing for him keep doing what you’re doing!
Emotions are obviously running high. Don’t ever expect a man to fully understand what a woman goes through having a baby and remember, mumma knows best.
You are not wrong, he has a new child, video games should be the least of his worries, caring for a life he chose to help bring into this world should be priority without complaints
Are you serious? His desire to play video games is more of a worry to him than visiting and delivering breastmilk to his premature newborn, that’s incredibly selfish. Video games will still be there when baby comes home
Not at all. My first and only child was born at 26 weeks. It was the roughest time, emotionally and physically. My partner and I experienced things differently but even he was/is a Xbox enthusiast and always made sure our son and me came first. Doesn’t matter what number child it is, having a NICU baby is stressful enough on its own without the lack of support from your partner
Games when he has a newborn fragile child? Immature and selfish
You are not wrong my husband is a big gamer but when we had our daughter at 32 weeks when it was his day to go see her (we had to rotate day to see because of covid only one of us could be there every 24 hours) he would rush home from work shower quickly and leave never once complained about it
Seriously his games are more important then feeding his baby and going to see his baby… I can’t deal what a loser🤦♀️
Tell him to grow up and be a man and take care of his responsibilities like a man and real father should. Being able to raise a child or children is a blessing. That game console isn’t a blessing
You already know the answer. Just do what u know u need to do!
Let your husband know your emotions. Games are just there, they shouldn’t be first thought when you have a child in the hospital. He needs to learn that kids and you are more important than a freaking system.
We bearly got a tv again after a long time, so my hubby hasn’t been able to game for awhile. Now, we watch more movies if the kids are good, but every now and then he’ll hope on and play a bit of game. Ironically, now our daughters just watch play lol they Cheer him on lol
So try sitting your man down and talk to him and see why he feels the way he does about gaming and about y’all’s new baby.
Nah girl, you are justified. Like, video games will always be there… tf
I would feel the same way. It sucks when you have to force someone to help you with your kids, especially the Father. I’m here if you need to vent.
Oh I would be losing my ever loving mind and putting him in check real quick. Having a baby in NICU is extremely stressful, exhausting, traumatizing. Then add the fact that you’re recovering from giving birth to a living, breathing human being that your grew in your womb for all those months, then add sleep deprivation because you’re worried at all times about your baby then the stress of pumping and for good measure let’s add the rest of your life that also needs to be managed and lived through daily. He’s out of his dang mind if he’s acting like this. Extremely immature, and selfish and self-centered. At the first .3 seconds of his whining I would be nipping it in the bud. He has zero rights to complain and moan and groan about trivial insignificant stuff when you’re doing everything you can to make sure your baby gets what is needed and maintain your sanity through it all. The time my daughter spent in NICU was the most difficult season, no two esta about it, it’s hard hard. This man child needs to grow up and fast
So I didn’t have a preemie but I did have a child with a severe heart condition and my ex-husband brought his computer to the hospital and gamed the entire time. Even when the doctors would come in to talk about the upcoming surgeries. It was awful and I’ll never forgive him for it but after counseling I’ve come to understand that it was his way of coping. It was rough and it made me resent him for the rest of our relationship but most guys don’t have the mental capacity to cope with things like this. I’m the same as you. Just do what needs to be done and stay focused so I don’t fall apart. It’s hard but my little man is 6 now and it was all worth it. Maybe try to talk to him. Figure out how he’s feeling or handling it. Ask him why he’s so obsessed with gaming rather than seeing his new child. You’d be surprised how male’s brains work. Sending hugs and positive vibes.
He’s behaving like a child.
You don’t have a man, you have a little boy. He will probably never fully invest himself into Family life. My first husband was exactly the same ! His needs came first and they never change ! Finally divorced him
Hes probably really stressed and needs some sort of down time. Maybe get a license? I’m also the only one in my relationship that drives and to be honest that gets super annoying. Your free time is limited because you have to play uber on top of working and dealing with other family stuff.
He can always bring it to the hospital. Hospital all of the time Can take a toll on someone and some people just can’t handle it like others. When my little was in the hospital the nurses were stressing to me the importance of going home, getting rest and taking care of myself/having me time while all of that was happening.
He could bring his game to the hospital. You have to remember he’s under the same stress you are women just handle it better. He might just need to relax a bit.
He needs to grow up…
Punish him like a child since he is acting like one…take his games and hide them and tell him he can play when he does what is expected of him🤣
Everyone deals with things differently if video games is his release and hope he destresses than he has everything bottled up. Idk how to feel about the pumping comment
Heck you can do this, take the test and then tell him to suck a nut!
Ewww I can’t believe some of the comments !!! It’s his damn child!! And his complaining he can’t stay home and play video games
How immature and disgusting of him
Go get yourself a licence, a car and get rid of him he sounds like an absolute douche
and these comments maybe his stressed- bring the game to the hospital !
Everyone deals with things differently
What the actual fuck.
It’s his newborn baby! At the hospital by its self! And his complaining about video games !!!
Msg me if u want Hun x
No sentences? Not even periods? Can’t even figure out what’s attempting to be conveyed.
7 f’ing kids and he has time for video games!!! Seriously? Sounds like you have 6 kids! No, you are not being selfish!
Hammer + console= bye bye game. Blame it on your hormones.
I feel for you and understand your point but quick question, is there a medical reason you don’t drive? Or is it by choice? Being the the only driver in a relationship can be very stressful, speaking from experience, and after working all day I can understand wanting to relax and not be a Taxi. If you are able to get your license I suggest you do so, you are home no reason you can’t go to the hospital while he works to support your family, especially with 5 children. There is no way one parent can do all that driving with so may kids involved. I say get your license and help yourself a little. It should not be all on him!
Don’t marry him til he proves he can grow the fuck up.
He is a loser. He needs to be worried and about helping you with 5 kids.
I would feel the same way.