My husband and I have a very re-occuring argument in our house and I want yall’s opinion on it. We get into arguments and disagreements about typical things and then he will usually walk away and go off into his office to vent out loud to himself about whatever took place loud enough that I hear it. It upsets me immensely and causes me anxiety. Because it’s often after he walks away during our conversation and says he doesnt want to talk anymore. I actually had a nightmare about him doing it. I’ve told him probably over 100 times now that it hurts my feelings and for him to stop or limit the amount he does it. But every single time he’s upset it’s his default. He says I’m toxic for asking him to stop. I say he’s toxic for continuing to do it. He asked me to ask people what they think. Am I in the wrong?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my husband wrong for walkng away when we fight?
I feel like this is a healthy way for him to not say things that migh hurt you.
If he stayed and continued to fight with you, would it escalate? Does he yell, and things get ugly?
I mean, walking away is healthy, if it avoids an escalated situation.
But finding a way to discuss said arguments need to be found.
Probably a good thing. We may say something in the heat of the moment that we shouldn’t. Cool down, think about it and then talk.
It’s better for him to walk away and yell about it then it would be for him to hit or hurt you or your kids
As someone who walks away when I’m mad. It’s probably for the best he walks away & saving a bigger argument. So it’s best he does walk away.
Nope he is not in the wrong!
I don’t think either of you are toxic. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, but his are also valid. Sometimes when you’re arguing, the best thing to do is walk away, so that you don’t say or do something, out of anger, that you can’t take back.
If you’re having recurring arguments about the same things though, you should attempt to sit down together and calmly discuss the issues. Not in the heat of the moment or when the issue is occurring, but when it’s not occurring.
If he isn’t willing to sit down and address the problems, you have bigger issues.
Ppl handle emotions differently. What he is doing is actually a pretty healthy response… I mean it would be best if after everything calmed down you guys discussed what happened… but I also leave when arguments get too bad.
you both need to seek marriage counseling to work on your communication skills
If it hurts you and you told him and he continues to do it, I don’t think thats cool.
When me and my husband fight he will continue to rant out loud to himself and I just straight up tell him shut the hell up and drop it already. If I don’t tell him that he will go on for hours. Maybe walk into his office and tell him to shut the hell up. 
Remember people deal with confrontation differently. Just like you need something to help your feelings. He has that need too. It’s just not how you deal with things. You have to come up with a compromise. Maybe give him that space, then you can revisit the issue.
He is right in walking away before it gets too heated but screaming horrible stuff from another room is not right. If he needs to do that he can go for a drive and distance himself completely
I walk away and i believe it stops from saying things out of anger
Grow up, both of you…nuff said…
He should be able to walk away to calm down if needed. But once calm, you guys need to talk again to resolve the issue.
You’re both being toxic with each other. Get some counseling that focuses on communicating.
What about his feelings? Seems pretty obvious to me you are affecting his feelings in some way.
Men don’t talk about feelings like women do so he probably won’t come to you and tell you “you hurt my feelings”.
Change the arguing. Figure out another way to communicate.
I started a journal in the beginning of the relationship I’m in now because I had learned to calm myself by writing things down. So I just changed it to writing things I needed to talk about that may cause loud speaking or arguing.
Some times writing it down is enough for me to realize that it’s not even worth talking about. Sometimes it’s actually stuff he needs to read and respond to.
This gives both of us a way to communicate without forcing someone into a conversation when they aren’t ready for it…
Walking away to cool down is how to emotionally regulate before a full blown unhealthy argument takes place.
In my marriage I have learned my husband needs to walk away in order to regulate his emotions and behaviors. Then we will come back and calmly talk about xyz.
This is also something I am teaching/modeling for my son’s. When I am getting frustrated or mad or even sad, I will state how I am feeling and that I need to take time to cool down.
No, a person is not wrong for walking away to defuse a situation or to calm themselves.
If you both think the other is toxic and neither of you are willing (or able) to change, then it might be best if you go your separate ways. The tension, the angst, resentment, and the nightmares will only continue if nothing changes and it will push you (and/or your spouse) to your breaking point.
Sounds like you have a joy of arguments. Leave him be! Life’s too short!
So u want him to stand there and argue with you? Which seams to be pointless if ur arguing about the same bs with no resolution!
I walk away when I’m upset and mad. I’m not going to be childish sit and scream at someone when I can take time to cool myself down. I understand it upsets you but that’s him and he has the right to his own space. He’s not wrong. You are for expecting him to continue fighting with you.
My therapist once told me , when my partner and i get too heated in our argument to (voice) that u need a moment and walk away BUT before doing so coming to an agreement that they will return to calmly finish the convo in “said time frame that the walker says” and to ALWAYS come back when that time frame is up to finish in a more calmer mindset.
It sounds like he runs to his office so he can say what he wants loud enough for you to hear, but this way you can’t say anything back. How old is he? That honestly sounds like something a child would do. Walking away to avoid saying bad things in the heat of the moment is one thing. However running to his office to hide but still say things for you to hear is extremely toxic. How will anything ever get resolved? He obviously isn’t trying to make things better since you have repeatedly talked to him about it. It sounds like no one ever taught him how to deal with his emotions. So you can either try to help him learn to cope with emotions better (if he is willing), or I would consider leaving because it will always be like this. I personally couldn’t handle it. Life is hard enough without dealing with someone who treats you like that.
I think it’s petty how he’s talking to himself loud enough for your to hear it… but I think that’s his way of de-escalating… walking away is way healthier than continuing to argue about the same thing over and over again and just hashing and rehashing…
My husband and I had a similar problem. He would walk off and I wanted to fight it out. Finally I understood. He walked off not to hurt me but to keep from hurting me. When people are angry or upset they say and do things that can not be taken back. It is better to walk away than to say something that really hurts. We always cool down then that allows us to talk about the real problem when we have cooler heads and more open hearts.
I think you both have reasionable feelings about it and need to compromise with him walking around the block rather than being there continuing to rant to where you can hear it you both need to blow off steam then come back and try to talk through it see each others side to things
No biggie. I think u are nagging him and thats the only way to get some peace.
Nope. Better to walk away then to say something you regret and can’t take back
I understand walking away, however continuing the argument in another room where you can hear isn’t right:person_shrugging: You done talking then be done talking 
If arguments end like that then you will forever have issues. Both calm down then try to talk it out or agree to disagree and leave that topic alone.
I think I watched a trial about this… Wait … Is your name Amber?
Would you rather him punch you directly in the face? Walking away shows self control. Maybe you need to walk away in the other direction during that time.
I’m still trying to figure out why so many people on her fight with their spouses to the extent they do…you are not happy just complacent…
Sometimes when I get over emotional I need to walk away and collect my thoughts before I say something or do something dramatic and hurtful. It’s best to let him walk away and calm down.
Walking away and taking time to yourself is the best and healthiest way to defuse arguments before the fighting goes too far. It’s healthy
See, I am him and my husband is still learning that sometimes he needs to let me walk away, say this shit out loud to 4 walls rather than his face…and I assure you, I was an angry person and would’ve said some shit I couldn’t take back, at one time…and then I’m calm enough to talk, not argue.
My husband does the same shit. I think it’s good to walk away from an argument so things don’t get out of hand, but can’t stand the passive aggressive talking to “himself” Crap. And it’s important to revisit the conversation when things have calmed down
Damn this is childish asf. 
It’s better to walk away and cool down than to say something you’ll regret and can’t take back. Think about it
Is he tallinn loud enough to hear, he’s being passive aggressive. If he had more to say, he needs to say it to you. If not for you to hear, let him cool off in his own way
I’m the one who walks away in my house & I do it so I don’t say things I don’t mean when I’m angry. I understand why it’s upsetting, but he’s doing you a favor.
When the discussion turns into an argument, I always disengage. We can speak about it when were in a calm space, but when that escalates, we’re usually doing more damage than good.
I’m a big advocate for walking away if you need to or if the conversation isn’t going anywhere… BUT the purposefully continuing the conversation with him self loud enough that you can clearly hear him but can’t respond is toxic and manulative AF
Knowing the difference between a male and female.
When my husband and I are arguing about something he always walks away but he will go outside. He isn’t in the wrong for defusing the situation just wrong for venting loud enough that u can hear to me that’s adding fuel to the fire.
You’re toxic for wanting a reaction out of him. He put his big boy pants on and walked away to rant instead of taking it out on you.
Yep you’re wrong… one thing I’m not gonna do is stand there and argue with someone. “The only person bigger than the fool is the one who stands there and argues with them.” And I stand by that 1000%!!
Stepping away til both parties calm down is good … however the issue needs discussed afterwards to come to mutual agreement so it doesn’t keep occurring
Let him walk away n calm down ! Its better than him continuing to fight .
He’s walking away to calm down and your mad at him for that yes your being unreasonable he needs to think things through you may not like it but you’re being an ass by telling him how to handle his own feelings
You’re both wrong. Him for venting loudly to himself so you hear it and can’t respond. You for not allowing him to walk away to de-escalate.
My boyfriend and I both walk away if we need to. My issue is tell my what you’re doing instead of just leaving if your feelings are hurt.
I would rather him yell and rant alone then do it to you.
Sometimes you just need some space .
This way also he can’t say nothing in anger he will regret later.
That being said if he’s constantly running away instead if working things out then that’s also not cool
But it’s better to discuss things when you both had time to cool off and evaluate the situation
Walking away is my way of de-escalating the situation.
Better that he walk away talking than regretting staying and saying awful things to you or even physically harming you.
He’s walking away to cool off without the argument getting worse I walk away from my husband until we both can talk calmly
people walk away to un-stimulate theirselves or they have poor communications skills OR theyve made theyre point n theyre tired.
Recommend Couple counciling.
Him walking away is fine, but once in another room if he’s saying things loud for you to hear but not being able to respond too is a way of him thinking he’s ‘won’ the argument for his own sanity because you haven’t given a response. I think if he leaves the room you need to also leave so your further away, so that you can’t hear him otherwise you will never resolve the situation properly x
My ex would walk away from me when we would have a disagreement to usually cool off and then we talk later. However, our last fight he didn’t walk away and I got left with bruises on my body, holes in my walls. So walk away is good.
He walks away to control his tongue I bet. And we have no idea how you argue. For all we know you are toxic and he steps away because he’s had enough. He’s not leaving. He’s going to cool off. Just for you to pick this argument after?
You can’t force him to react in any way… you can only control yourself. Period. Don’t get into an argument in the first place. Also in my opinion it’s best he walk away instead of fight.
He’s stepping away so he doesn’t say something he doesn’t mean and ACTUALLY hurt your feelings. It’s extremely mature to walk away when you’re too mad to speak. If you guys can talk it out and discuss your disagreement without yelling then you both need to go take a break for a min, calm your emotions and come back to it.
Walking away can be a healthy way to prevent further fighting and saying things out of anger that one will regret. Me and my husband need to walk away sometimes but if you never come back to discuss things after both people have settled down nothing will change either.
So ur mad chx ur husband’s takes a time out when he’s angry??? I can’t with u ridiculous women . Would u rather he hit u ? Or maybe say something that’ll really give u anxiety like I’m cheating girl sit the hell down find a hobby and stop bugging ur husband , shit.
Arguing??? Communication is key… everything does not be to be argued about and not all verbal communication is an argument….watch your tones ,watch your language, listen to understand and not to respond, communicate to find resolutions so that the issue does not resurface…it does not hurt to agree to take a 5/10 break and come back to finish addressing the issue…
I always walk away my husband hates it but if I stay and conversation WILL turn toxic bc I will definitely say very mean un takebackable things. I think it’s ok to walk away and re visit once everyone has cooled down
You’re wrong. He is allowed to walk away and cool down whatever way he feels is best. Don’t want to hear it, go somewhere you can’t hear him at… Sorry, but I’m the same way as he is. It’s better to walk away and mumble out frustration rather than say it to their face and hurt them…
He is probably doing what is best for him and you at that moment!
If he walks away to take some time to process or calm down then I feel like that’s fine. Give him that time. But if you cannot communicate afterwards, then that’s not okay. Communication is key.
Your wrong !!! He’s right !!! Show him this he deserves to know ur nuts
Walking away is the best option. Leave him alone let him calm down you walk the other way and calm down and then you can maybe talk it out. Yelling and screaming and arguing does not help or work.
Some people get over stimulated and need to walk away to breathe and collect themselves. I think your wrong and everyone has their own way of dealing with things. 
I’ll walk away the second I feel im being unheard, because my inner peace is more important to me than any disagreement.
So you would rather keep fighting and him yell at you? Instead of him walking off and are you staying close enough to eavesdrop on his “rant” to himself? 
If your having nightmares about that, thats on you and you need to see A therapist.
Maybe he walks away because he can’t handle the truth.
Sometimes it’s better to walk away than regret something you said. Hurtful words stay with someone forever . You can’t take it back
He’s not wrong… it sounds like your a lot to deal with.
I’m like your husband. Sometimes I walk away so I dont hurt the person. Sometimes I walk away to gather my thoughts. Sometimes I walk away to think about what the other person has said.
I get overstimulated and just need to walk away.
My soon to be ex is like you, and the reason why we are getting divorced, because he doesn’t allow me to be my own person.
Your in the wrong let the man cool off Jesus Christ
When my husband and I get into an argument about something and it’s a very heated conversation 10/10 one of us will walk away in order to calm down and collect our thoughts before coming together again to discuss the issue in a more calm manner. Walking away from an argument when things amp up is actually a healthy coping mechanism. It prevents you from saying things out of anger that you might not really mean in order to hurt the other person. You can’t control the way he handles himself during an argument. You can only control yourself and how you handle it.
At least he’s walking away venting instead of punching you. The problem here is that you don’t seem to be discussing the issues later when you’re calm and settling the problems. They just keep coming up over and over. Maybe you could try counseling. With a therapist, you could maybe discuss the issues before you get too upset and then back the argument down as you both get upset and look at the problem to see if it’s really that important. Maybe when he gets worked up and walks away, it would help you to ask yourself if what you’re disagreeing about is going to matter in 5 years. If not, maybe you can agree to disagree and let it go. If it’s important, it may be something to work through with a counselor.
Your having nightmares about him walking away from you lol I think you need to go see a therapist
Men are not taught great emotional regulation… its generational. So when they have big feelings such as anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness etc, they may handle them in unhealthy ways because they are not taught how to feel these things, just to suppress. So walking away is absolutely okay. He is NOT toxic. In that moment he is realizing he is not under control and needs to step away to prevent screaming or cursing or throwing things or whatever it may be. He is allowed that right.
It is only wrong if he uses walking away to shut the entire conversation down and not revisit it once he is calm and level headed and sorted through his thoughts. But if he is taking time and then coming back to have the situation talked through later, he is absolute right and you are wrong.
I’m feeling some massive Amber 
vibes coming from you
You sound toxic girl. He’s right for walking away because who would want to sit there and continue a conversation that’s going nowhere. Girl you need a therapist
Nothing is settled or worked out by arguing! Learn to control your anger and sit down and discuss the problem! Do you want a resolution or do you just want to win an argument?
Effectively communicating doesn’t always need to turn into an argument even during a disagreement. But if he needs to walk away to calm down then allow him to do so. However, he needs to also take into consideration your feelings about it. Also, not getting a resolution because he doesn’t want to talk about is not going to help the situation in any way. It only builds resentment when you can’t get it out. But that goes back to the arguing. Find a way to calmly have the discussions so you guys don’t leave each other mad but you can each get your point across even if it’s to agree to disagree on the issue. Good luck and blessings to you
I think it’s better that he cool off and let him talk to himself for a little while
Imagine what might happen if he doesn’t…
I think you should take a page from his book and learn to walk away for a few.
My ex-husband would try to argue over every little thing. Drive me crazy and even more so when he would follow me around and try to argue. I am not a person who likes to argue, I will fight before I stand and argue. So for me walking away is what’s best because I need time to go through my emotions so I do not say or do something I will regret! I think it is a good thing when people don’t like to argue! Communication is key though when fussing and fighting began it’s time to cool off!!
The only time walking away is a good thing is if there is a chance of physical violence. You may need to go to counseling. Good counselors are hard to find. But possibly if you allow him to cool down and then try talking through the issue that started the argument when more calm. Set boundaries and rules that you both can agree to.
Sounds like the issue isn’t getting solved so the cycle keeps repeating itself. You two need a different approach. Get counseling if you need to. We don’t know the whole story here so don’t take the harsh advice. Sit down with him and figure it out.
Hello! Not bashing here, I also have anxiety. I get more anxious when he walks away. HOWEVER, it keeps things more calm afterwards when he does. After he calms down after an argument we can have a more productive conversation about what happened. People cool off differently. Let him calm down, and try to keep your hands busy to help your anxiety. I personally clean while he cools down. It calms me down.
He is venting so he doesn’t do or say anything he can’t take back. Not everything needs sorted out in the moment
This is called STONEWALLING. It is a manipulative and abuse tactic that prevents progress and a resolution to the issue you guys fight about. So, YES. He is a totally asshole for this.
Walking away is a good thing, but if he is still talking and you can hear why walk away?
Question why your together in the first place if you argue alot seek counseling
It is good for him to walk away and take the time he needs to calm down but that does not mean the discussion is just over. When you are both calm is the best time to work through a disagreement