No! Not out of control.
You should do what you think is right. The end
My thoughts to you from a mother of 8…your children are babies for such a short time. During this time, their only way of communicating to you that they are needy is crying. So, at a time when they are at their neediest, the doctors tell you to ignore them. So what are you doing? Yes, you are tired. But do you really want to teach your baby that when they need you the most they can’t count on you to be there for them. So, is your extra sleep really worth losing the connection to your child? Consoling your baby when they need you is so important. They all will develop the ability to “self sooth”. I know this from raising 8children. Absolutely all of them got around to going to sleep by themselves. But they always knew that if they got scared, or had a bad dream,they were always welcome to my bed. There were times that I would wake up with many extra little bodies in my bed. So what? In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t last long. They all grew up and learned how to put themselves to sleep. All of them.
I didn’t self soothe. I co sleep. And breastfed well past 2. My child I VERY well behaved. Very independent. And knows she is very loved! You are doing a great job!
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Momma your instincts are right on. If you feel the need to answer the cries, even if it’s just for cuddles, you’re not doing any harm. We coslept and never did the self soothe. My son is incredibly independent (maybe a little too much sometimes). By responding, you’re fostering a sense of trust and confidence that will allow your child to explore on their own when they’re ready. Good luck momma.
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Babies learn to trust when you meet their needs. They physiologically NEED you to comfort and soothe them. It is impossible to spoil a baby by responding to their needs. Self soothing is important but can be mastered easily when they are strongly attached to their primary care giver because of responsiveness during the critical infancy stage.
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I understand your concern. It feels like torture for us moms as it is for the child to listen to their shrieks and tiny wails. But it is healthy to let them cry for a few minutes. Not hours, of course, but if you know the child is in a clean diaper, fed, burped… it’s okay to let them learn to self soothe. Better now when they won’t remember it than when they are older.
Good luck, mum, sounds like you’re doing an awesome job! 
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As parents our main job is to show our kids how to be self sufficient. This starts when they are infants. Self soothing is great because is teaches them they don’t need to depend on you for everything. It is a hard thing to do with your first baby. I used to sit by my daughters door until she stopped crying but eventually they settle and it helps them grow in the coming years.
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Self soothing is important however, you are the mom and need to feel comfortable with the care you give your baby. I can tell you from experience, if you don’t let your baby self soothe, he will want to sleep with you every night until he’s well out of diapers and in school! Which is fine if your a single mom… but if not, it could take a toll on your relationship, couples need alone time.
Most important…remember, YOU are the mom! What you choose IS what is best for you and your baby. You need to be comfortable with your decisions. My opinion is just that…my opinion, and it doesn’t really mean anything when it comes to YOUR baby.
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Neither of my children were left alone to “self soothe” or cry it out and I’ve not seen a single negative result. My boys are 21 and 8 and both perfectly healthy and normal. I could never leave my babies to cry. It went against every instinct in me.
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Self soothing is a feel good myth to gloss over the fact that your baby has been neglected to the point that they went into self preservation mode (sleep) after crying out for you for a duration of time… to no avail. It’s child abuse. #sorrynotsorry
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I say “to each their own” in reference to all parenting including self soothing. Personally, I can’t let my baby cry more than like 10min without giving in and comforting. I’ve had 4 kids, my youngest is 22 months this month. I’ve tried letting them “cry it out” if they fall asleep fast, fine, if not I have to comfort my baby. That’s just my heart though, I’m a softie. Do what you think is best 
If you want to have an emotionally healthy and independent child, comfort them whenever they need you. That builds your bond with them and builds their trust in you. You will have a caring and stable child. There will come a time to teach them independence, but now is the time to make them feel safe, secure and loved. I had many an argument with my mother in law about this. I could never let my baby cry for help and not go to them. Those who can have a cold heart in my opinion. I have raised 2 children this way, 26 and 17. Both of them are loving secure and independent young adults. I am also a Teacher and I know how important self esteem is in a child…it all starts from day 1. You can’t go back and fix this later. Don’t listen to others who disagree with you, it is your baby, not theirs. Let them screw up their kid if they want to. Look up Maslows experiments and hyarachy of needs if you require scientific proof.
I always ran to my Daughter everytime she cried! I don’t believe in self soothing! I love to hug & Cuddle my Daughter to make her feel secure! She is now 20 yrs old & I would do it all again if I had that chance! So enjoy every moment because before you know it they are all grown up!!
I never did the “self soothe” my children co-slept until they wanted their own bed. I held and cuddled my boys all they wanted. They are 16 and 13 now and are very loving children. They grew out of needing me but they still have moments of attempting to get into my lap. Its comical for a 6ft tall teenager to crawl into my lap (I’m 5ft 2). But I say do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Each child is different for what they need. You know what’s best no matter what other people might say. Love and cuddle as long as you can. You’ll miss those days when they are gone.
I let both of mine self soothe. They had cuddle time and all the good things aka fed clean diaper and burped etc. However I was terrified of co sleeping as well as the hubby so that was a big no for us. I would go to them when they cried, but I wouldn’t run or anything just casually go up to them and talk as I walked. My kids are now 10 and 8 and are pretty normal kids. My oldest is more independent then my youngest though I consider that an age difference as she is almost 11.
No matter what you choose do what’s best for you. I was a young mom and I can say this no matter what you do as a parent you’re wrong to someone. So do what works for you and be confident in yourself. Don’t sweat the small stuff because in reality there is no book on this parenting gig and to be honest we are all winging it. You’re doing great!
I don’t believe in letting baby control you but I don’t believe in not soothing them either …they need to know they are loved and trust you…I made sure mine weren’t hungry cold or wet, or sick before I ever let them self sooth and even then if they took too long to calm themselves I went to them…More than 5-10 mins of crying and I was picking them up…everyone wants cuddles 
I never let my baby cry I picked her up and put her on my chest for comfort. She is 25 independent and in a stable relationship. She know I got her back so she not afraid of scared. Pray about how to raise your child.
As an infant you should be there for every cry. By the time that you are able to distinguish between cries you should only go to him as long as it is not a boredom cry. You should NEVER sleep in the same bed as your baby. Also if bedtime is a struggle, try making a ritual of it. Every night at the same time give him a soothing bath with lavender scented baby soaps or shampoo. After the bath rub him done with lavender scented lotion. If you breast feed, give him the breast. If you bottle feed you should do the same, however NEVER send your baby to sleep with a bottle OR sippy in the crib. If he starts falling asleep in your arms lay him down. If he is fussy sing him a lullaby or a good night story. NEVER put your child down to sleep while he is completely asleep. Doing this can stress them out when they wake up and find you are not holding him any more. Laying him down while sleepy but not completely asleep will give him the message that you are there for him and not abandoning him. This is how I raised my son. By the time he was able to walk, he was heading to his room and laying down in his bed at around the same time each night. Also, if you can at all, make sure the only reason he has to be in his bed room is to sleep. If he has toys in his room or crib he may try to stay up. If his room is associated only with sleep then it becomes a place to sleep not to be awake and play. As he grows older and is firmly established in knowing when to sleep and when to play, then you can start putting his toys in his room and letting him play in his room. Hopefully this advice helps! It worked a complete charm with my little man. Good luck!!
I never allowed any of my children to self soothe. I don’t know what is wrong with people and their crazy way of thinking, but as a mother, your job is to console and comfort your child no matter how old they are. Don’t listen to crazy advice from people who probably don’t like their own children. Love on your child day and night and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
You do what your instinct tells you as long as you know for certain your not going to roll on top of him and he will be safe don’t allow anyone to break that bond professional or not and enjoy being a new mum it’s a precious gift
Its our job to teach them how to sleep. Just like we teach them everything else. Our pediatrician makes no apologies and says dont even come to me at 4 months and tell me you are still tired from middle of the night feeds. Its officially your problem at that point. Yes he is very straight up. He is highly sought after and of course if the baby isn’t eating well thats. Whole new ball game. He has guidelines like… they should be getting at least 19oz of breast milk or formula and weighs 10 lbs. So he says some babies are eating that much and weigh well over that weight at 8 weeks. I did it with both of mine at 10 weeks and the first child who is 8 now sleeps like a teenager. The 3 year old sleeps well too. So he knows what he is talking about. Its not the Ferber method. Its a nicer calmer timer driven model I started at 10 min of crying I would go back in put my hand on her back and go back out. Both took about 3 nights. They were happier well rested babies and I a happy rested mom!
There are no negative effects from meeting your babies needs immediately (ie… going to him when he cries), but there are many known medical and psychological effects from ignoring your babies cries and just ignoring him/her.
When you go to your child at their time of need, like when they are crying, you are creating a security and solid foundation with your baby that you will be there when he/she needs you.
When you, or any parent/main caregiver, ignore your babies cries for help or to meet their need, you create a sense of insecurity and realization that your babies cries will not be met with comfort and a meeting of their needs.
I have had many many parents tell me that they ignored their babies cries, didn’t run to them “no matter what” (how loud, how urgent, how long they cried) and eventually their child stopped crying anytime they put them in bed, in a swing, down anywhere. Not one ever realized until they had it pointed out/told to them, that their baby no longer cried when set down or walked away from because they had given up due to being taught that their needs would not be met.
If we as adults ask and ask for something we need and are ignored or the need denied, we too give up trying because why waste the energy in trying, we won’t get it anyway.
Follow your mommy gut. Run to your baby, met his need, even if it’s a snuggle he is wanting or needing. If you are not taking anything that would alter you or your mind, sleep with your baby. Enjoy every moment because they grow up super fast, and meet every cry with your presence there because your baby deserves to be a priority and know that you will always be there for him/her, no matter what.
I am not new at any of this, not only do I work with children that have trust issues, trauma, and are emotionally disturbed, but I am the Momma two sets of twin boys, one set of quad boys, and one singleton girl. My kids range in age from 6yr-16yr old, I have spent a great deal of time running to them and I don’t regret it!!
Love on your baby. Let stupid people self soothe. This scientific child raising nonsense is what’s wrong with kids
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No please don’t let someone control hoe u mother my ex husband cost me my binding time with my son… Plz make a plan n go u n baby deserve better
Caitlin Dwyer just in case you need to know any of this.
You need to follow your heart
STOP. MOM. SHAMING!!! 
If you want to hold your baby all day and sleep with him at night DO IT
If you need sleep, so you choose to sleep.train, DO IT
If you breastfeed GOOD
If you bottlefeed GOOD
If you use the tv a bit for entertainment FINE
If you refuse all electronics FINE
JUST STOP MOM SHAMING.
We need to help each other and build each other up to do the best we can. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. BUT NEITHER IS ANYONE ELSE.
And yes. I am yelling. I’m sick of people judging others for their choices when it comes to this stuff.
Fuck what everyone else thinks… that’s your child and if you want to soothe him, soothe him. Babies thrive off the touch and voice and comfort. Hold your baby as long as you can. When he gets older, then start teaching him self reliance and independence. Believe me, there will come a time, in a blink of an eye, he will not want to be held so much.
Do what feels right💜
You can’t ever spoil a baby with too much love. Be the mother your heart tells you to be and fuck the rest.
Tash Webb your neighbor? If so most don’t agree to let them cry
You can tell who told you that to STFU 
Lol you do what feels right to you
Do whatever you want, I never let my boys ‘cry it out’ when they were little. And my boys didn’t have separation anxiety it any of the shit people claim happens. I made sure they felt safe and secure that I would be there if they needed me. 
Self soothe then consoling
Trust your instincts
I am 59 years old and I was always there to soothe my babies and they turned out fine! Hug them and hold them now while they let you, they will grow away from you soon enough!
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It’s noone else’s business but you and your baby. Do what feels best❤
I do think it depends on how old your child is- for example, my daughter, whom I still refer to as my baby, is 3 now. If she gets hurt (which happens- I just have to breath thru it), I am more than willing to “kiss her boo-boo” or give her a cuddle. But other than that she’s extremely independent and doesn’t really want my help. However, when she was under 2 any time she cried (remember, crying is typically a sign of needing something that a baby whom can’t speak doesn’t have any other way to express) I would be there. Sometimes it was something she could do on her own and I’d guide her so that she know she could- help her point at what she wanted, gave her the word for said item (food items being the most common in our house) and then helped her get it. When she was under 1 I would do anything and everything for her- I didn’t co-sleep due to my own fear but other than that I was there anytime she needed me and gave it to her without question.
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Rule #1… never, ever let anyone’s opinion (except the doc) pressure you into taking care of your baby any other way than you feel is right. All babies are different, some NEED momma, some NEED cuddles and comfort more than others. I have 3 boys ages 14, 10 and 5. My oldest and youngest had to be right with me to fall asleep and demanded more attention. My 10yo was totally different. I was able to lay him down in his crib and him fall asleep on his own. But anytime any of them cried for me, i didnt hesitate to run to them. As for negative effects i dont think there is any but what one might identify as negative, another may feel is just normal… but either way, youre not gonna have a 17 year old who has to lay on your chest to fall asleep… they WILL gain independance as they age. They may be a tad bit clungy in the meantime, but thats not always a bad thing… my 5yo is clingy. But very independant, i dont mind the clinginess tho… cause i know from experience im gonna miss it one day soon…
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It hard but I had to do that. My stepson who i didnt know as a baby didnt self sooth and had problems later with sleeping alone in his own bed vs my 4 year old son who i did let him self sooth he has been in his own bed since birth. Your choice. Ive seen both and self sooth is better.
My oldest is a Mama’s boy. I have always picked him up the second he started crying. He slept in my bed until he was 14 months old, cuddled with me all night every night. I am his rock, I’m his safe place, he knows I’m always there for him.
He learned how to self soothe even though I picked him up the second he started crying. When we decided to move him from our bed to his crib in his own room he wasn’t happy the first night but he was fine after that.
Do whatever you want with your child.
Karesta Young everyone knows that dads opinion is valid & that babies need their dad too. Do you know why no one is referring to dad? Becuz this is a mom group. We don’t need you commenting on every single comment dad this, dad that.
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Talk to your pediatrician. They will know better than any mom on the internet what is healthy and what isn’t. Self soothing is so important, but so is recognizing time frames. My daughter is 18mo and so independent, she’s slept through the night and alone at 3 months. It was hard, she had slept right beside me in her bassinet up until then and I stayed awake right outside eof her door the first week. I was a total wreck. But my husband followed the pediatricians advice, and helped me enforce the "let her cry for 5m, then go in. Pat her back, get her cozy, but don’t pick her up. Leave, wait another 5m, repeat "
IT’S YOUR BABY! Do what you as a mother feel like doing ! Period.
It’s a myth that you need to let a baby self soothe. In fact, newborns don’t self soothe and NEED a parent to come to them when they cry. There’s no such thing as spoiling your child when it comes to responding to their cries. If they’re crying, it’s because they need something. Whether it’s eating, needing help falling asleep, being gassy, or wanting snuggles…a momma or daddy should be picking them up and answering their cries. At some point when they’re not newborn stage and are more like 3-6 months you can start transitioning to crib sleeping instead of bassinet and trying to work on “independence” but you should be responding to babies cries. Letting them scream it out does not work. No research shows that it helps. In fact, studies show that babies who have parents who don’t respond to their cries are more likely to grow up with violent tendencies. I can not say this enough. Picking your baby up when they cry is NOT spoiling them. People will have so many opinions about how to raise your child but if your motherly instinct says to pick up your baby when they cry, DO IT.
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I have never let any of my kids self soothe when they are babies. Yes as older toddlers, absolutely. But as a baby no.
All 6 seem to not have any ill affects from it.
Getting baby when he cries is totally a situational thing. How old is he? Why is he crying? How long? Is this normal? Is he genuinely crying or just frustrated? Sleeping with baby can be helpful or hurt, again, depending on baby’s age, and what sleeping together means? Sleeping in his own crib next to your bed? Sleeping in your bed with you? How is everyone sleeping? How is it affecting the rest of your life? It’s really mostly common sense, with a little bit of tough love here and there if unhealthy habits are being created. Some parents can’t see unhealthy habits. Some outsiders don’t know what baby needs. Sometimes it’s a little of both. I don’t see how anyone can directly answer this question without all the missing information, or knowing anything about the child and the relationship.
Do what makes you feel best. There’s no right way to parent… and everyone has an opinion. I didn’t self soothe my boys are 2 & 3 and still sleep with me, one day they won’t be want to… they’ll be “too cool” to cuddle with mom. But right now that gives them comfort and makes them feel safe. My sister is the complete opposite of me with parenting, and that’s okay. We do what we feel is right for our family and we both have safe, happy, healthy and loved babies, and that’s the most important part!
Your baby is still helpless. If you can feel that he needs you, that means he needs you.
Babies are not meant to be independent. When you respond to his needs you are teaching him the world is a safe place. Babies need you… follow your instincts. I am a mental health therapist.
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I think it depends on the age. Infants do not have wants. They have needs.
We didn’t start self soothing until he was 6 months old and at that point he was already sleeping through the night anyway. We would only let him fuss for 5 minutes. Fuss, not scream and cry at the top of his lungs. Eventually the fussing turned into babbling and he’d fall asleep.
This was all after doing a 5 day thing where on day one I’d rock him to sleep, and the next day he’d be in his crib but I wouldn’t touch him, and each day I gradually moved out of the room. He’s a good sleeper now and doesn’t give me problems with bed time.
Big however, do what feels right for you and your family.
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All kids need is love, everything else is subject to change. What works for one family doesn’t for another. Your baby will be fine either way
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You know what?! They are only babies for such a short time. There’s no such thing as too much holding your baby. Do what works for you and what your instincts tell you to do. Just love that baby with all your heart and take care of him/her. You’ll never regret it!
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Told by who ?you are the only one who truly knows what your child needs you can listen to advice but you don’t have to take it
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You run to that baby every second ya can honey. It’s your life, your baby, they only that little once. When they turning ten ya wished ya woulda held em that little just a minute longer!!! 
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I tried the self soothing method until one evening my mother in law was over. She went into my daughter’s room and her leg was caught in the crib. I felt so bad. She was crying about something I never thought was possible. I learned a big lesson that day. Ignoring your child is not self soothing. Keep checking to make sure they’re safe. Thank God for the help of a more experienced mother. I’m grateful.
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In all honesty … I tried but decided screw this … I need cuddles too … (Completely single mom) and he is 4 and still sleeps with me. I don’t want to sleep alone let alone being an adult … I’m sure the babies/kiddos feel the same way.
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Each baby is different. My son could self soothe around 6ish months and my daughter at the age of 4 still needs a hug to calm down if she is throwing a fit/gets herself worked up. You do whats best for you.
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My kids are very independent and have always been. I never let them self soothe… I was selfish and enjoyed that cuddle time! They are 19,17 and 15. Just do you. What ever your comfortable with. if your confident and comfortable in your decisions the baby will feel that.
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do what makes you comfortable . You want to pick them up each time they fuss or sleep with them then do it . Everyone mom is the right mom for their child . And everyone one is different . No exact right way to do it. I just enjoyed my babies I never let my kiddos cry it out .
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It is a vital part of sociological development for infants to have comforting and soothing touch with their mothers and close family members. It is ESSENTIAL to normal development. If he is very young, don’t listen to what everyone is saying, just hold and comfort that baby all you need. The need for safety, food, warmth, and human connection are instead human instincts. Independence is learned later after children have learned trust and interdependence. I remember very well all the people telling me not to “spoil” my baby. It’s so unhealthy and cruel.
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I kind of agree he will need to learn this but he also has to learn that you will be there if he needs you I used to go and just sit beside mine and touch their arm or leg and sometimes that was all they needed to know I was there and they would calm down
Wow so much to say, first time parent, rainbow baby, and just went thru another miscarriage. It really is situational and depends on the baby. My baby girl is 2.5, she was sick pretty consistently for her first two years, i got no sleep, tried literally everything including a sleep coach. You find what works for you and your child and go with it.
If they are a baby I don’t suggest it especially if you are feeling you are neglecting them. That is just adding more stress for both of you. As a mother of a 7 and 10 year old I can tell you they grow up to fast get those cuddles while you can. Also I was told the same thing when I became a mom and tried to let my little baby cry it out it only lasted a little while with my second child I decided not to do it and to do what felt right to me. My 7 year old is much more independent and confident than my 10 year old. So in short I don’t think you should let them cry it out they can learn independence later as infants they need to feel that you will keep them safe and protected!
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Don’t let him “cry it out” unless you want him to develop an attachment disorder. I was there for my daughter when she was a baby (despite my mother’s insistence that I was spoiling her). Now she is more independent and confident and can handle new situations better than many of her peers. She knows her parents will be there for her when she needs them.
Please don’t make it self soothe . That’s what they did with me because everyone thought my mom spoiled my brother and now I have anxiety issues and I Rock to self soothe . BAD IDEA
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self soothing should only come into play when your child has figured out to cry to be picked up at this point crying is no longer their only communication with you and you understand and know what their different cries are.
The hardest thing is not to do everything for them. But if you do that, they will never learn to get what they need for themselves. They will also learn that the world revolves around them…it does not…making it hard for them to get along on their own when you are no longer at their side all the time.
If they really have nothing wrong with them, there is no need to pick them up all the time. If they are little transfer them to a swing or a tummy time toy or some other diversion. As they get older do the same with other toys or ideas.
I never let my baby semf soothe even after being told often to let it happen. Shes almost 1 now and self soothes on her own just fine when shes upset, she plays fine by herself as well I actually believe by being there for your crying baby, it makes them become calmner as they get a bit older because they know you will be there when they need them. Your not just going to disappear. I mean the have feelings too and as a lot of people said in the comments, they do cry for a reason.
Don’t ignore your baby he will learn to be independent as he grows! Stop listening to what other people think you should do and do what works for you and your baby.
And my question is, who told you that you needed to self soothe? And also, if you are questioning yourself, maybe that answer isnt right for you.
My point is, do whatever you feel is safe for your child. Your child relies on you to care for them. If they cry, run girl run. If thats what you feel is best for your baby then why let anybody make you question it? Theres no manual for parenting because there is no one way to be a parent. You cannot spoil a baby with love. You just cant. And whoever tells you that you can, doesnt know the half of it. If its making you question who you are as a parent, dont take that “advice” just smile and keep doing what your doing.
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Do whatever you want. No one is born knowing how to be a mommy it’s learned one cry at a time, you’re doing a good job teaching yourself and baby how to do this. Don’t worry what other people say. I was like that with my first born and he’s a very engaged and independent 5 year old now. He feels secure and that makes him braver than some of the other kids I know who are shy and their parents have to force them out of their shells
If you don’t let them self soothe they will never know how to control their emotions without some sort of crutch. A security blanket. They will end up being very dependent on others to fix things because that’s what has always been done for them. It’s the beginning of helicopter parenting.
On the other hand if you let your baby cry for over 15 minutes they are now having a high stress response for too long and causing damage to the fight or flight reflexes still developing in the brain.
I suggest letting little cry for a few moments as when he takes a deep breath or is quiet for a second then come in and support the need he’s expressing. You end up teaching that mommy doesn’t come when I scream and that little can play with their toys or something when they aren’t getting what they want right away.
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I feel as a mom we know when we need to let our baby cry… If it’s a scared, hungry, I don’t feel good cry always soothe. If it’s a cry because they don’t want to nap or go to bed you allow to cry for a bit as long as you can handle it. Their is nothing wrong in soothing a crying baby. You don’t spoil them by doing that.
It always feels like that but it does help them be more self sufficient. Independence isn’t a bad thing. But it’s also completely you’re choice. My daughter is pretty calm and chill.
I only started with self soothing after 4 months. Before that they need you and remember they were with you (or whoever carried them) for 9 and needs to be close. Babies can not be “naughty” within the first few months 
. It is not easy but once you know they are ok you take a deep breath and just let them figure it out 
We have maternal instincts for a reason just like babies cry for a reason. They cry because we need something, it bothers us because we’re supposed to tend to those needs.
No, this is a time when he needs cuddling. But even at fairly young age kids need boundaries. Sometimes you can just cuddle with them and even nap with them, but after awhile you need to wean away from sleeping with them, or they’ll get too used to sleeping with you and you won’t be able to get sound rest.
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By the way, I have raised 3 children to adulthood. They are all productive, well rounded adults. The girls are good parents. One has 2 adult children who have finished college and are giving back…the third one did not have children.
I also had a hand in raising 200 foster teens, many of whom have gone on to college and are married and have children of their own. Just a little background. Hahaha! Do you and your children will be fine.
Girl HUUUGGG ND KISS YOUR BABY HE IS YOUR MINI YOU. DONT LET NO ONE TELL U HOW TO PARENT. WE ONLY HAVE THEM FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AS NEWBORNS AND TODDLERS THEN THEY SPEAK TO U SASSY AND THEN DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I STILL SLEPP WITH MY ONE HALF YEAR OLD. THATS MY BABY MY ONLY SON. MY DAUGHTER SLEEPS IN HER OWN BED. BY CHOICE. SLEEP W THEM HUGG THEM CUDDLE THEM. KISSS THEM. THEY ARE YOUR KIDS. LOVE THEM. YOUR WAY.
Usually when a baby/infant cries, it’s for a reason. They aren’t old enough to know how to play you to get attention, so go to them. But I will warn about co-sleeping. It is very dangerous! My husband was a special victims detective and he came across too many babies suffocated by their parents while sleeping together. Besides, you both need to get some actual sleep and that’s done better separately.
I slept with my son, and held him when I could and got him when he cried. He’s now 6 years old and we have such a great bond, he does love sleeping with my in bed but I lay with him till he falls asleep in his bed and then I go to my bed. I believe yes there’s times they need to but that’s when they are throwing a fit for no reason. They just want to know you’re there and you love them.
My doctor said to me “babies don’t die from crying”… not that you should ignore needs but many time “cry it out” lasts a few minutes and it’s all done. Letting a kid scream for an hour would be detrimental for everyone! Cry it out doesn’t mean you don’t love or cuddle or comfort your kid, it’s about letting learn that independence is ok.
Do what feels right for you & your baby. People told me the same crap, but I didn’t listen and my children are now well adjusted, happy, productive college students.
Weather to allow your child to self sooth should not just be letting your child to cry. Self soothing should be dependent on age of the baby. Self soothing should not be used on new born babies, and in my opinion should be used only when the baby has been fed, changed, and has cuddle time, and the baby is just fussy not screaming. Self soothing is to help the child learn that they can engage in calm activities by them selves, even if it is just playing with their toes. It is not meant calm a baby that is crying hard.
I say, when they don’t know any better (infants) you just gotta be there.
But as they grow older (toddler age) you need to start letting go, we all know our kid’s type of cries; you’ll know when he really NEEDS you vs the cries when he just WANTS you.
I agree it is for the kids best interest to learn and self soothe. We all want our kids to have a happy independent life, right??
We gotta start young 
Being a mom it’s hard.
I actually did a mixture of the 2 with all 3 of mine. I didn’t self soothe for first 18m to 2 years then self soothe after that. They only slept in my bed when they were ill tho so handful of times. It’s everyone to their own but I wudnt practice self soothing until they reach 1.5-2 years unless advised for medical reasons x
Not a chance. I respond to every single cry and gave for both of my kids. Do not listen to others, listen to your soul. If your instinct is to pick your baby up do it. I have 2 very independent children. One is very shy around others and people tell me that it’s because she’s too attached to me. No it’s because she’s 2 and strangers make her uncomfortable. All of this will pass and you’ll be glad that you held your baby close through all of it. You’ll never have the sound of your baby screaming for you in your head and you won’t have to live with the guilt of that. I don’t believe forced independence is the way. Read about attachment parenting. The child’s dependence and trust in you, creates independence. It sounds crazy but I have witnessed it in how I raise my children. I also think it teaches them empathy which I believe is incredibly important in today’s world. I have never ever let either of my kids cry for more than a moment unless they were toddlers and throwing a fit about something. That’s different. An infant? No way.
Hmmm I dont think it’s a first time parent thing… but u have to distinguish the differences between the baby’s cry… this is my 4th one and I still run to his cries… Did u no in Africa orphanages it’s completely silent… babys fo not cry cuz they no no one will come… I’m sorry bum fucked Egypt timbuktu here there that’s sad for a lil baby to no no one will ever b there… I’m sorry my child will no I wi ALWAYS B THERE no matter how small how big the issue… hearing people say let me cry it out breaks my heart… how would we like it if we new NO ONE WOULD EVER B THERE IF WE CRIED
Sleep. .sleep. If he self soothes he will stop waking up everytime you put him down.He needs to know he doesn’t need to hear your heartbeat to go to sleep and to sleep thru the night. Negative effects a three year that takes long naps during the day and refuse to sleep all night then wakes up and wants mommy. Won’t sleep til he is in your bed. Changing diapers are cute at 3 months but 2 year olds wet the bed.Its up to you but motherhood is not easy.You do what’s right for the long run.
Letting a baby cry expecting them to self soothe doesnt help with secure attachment. This means that as they grow up they’ll start to have issues when you leave because they dont know that you’ll come back. A kid with secure attachment knows that you will come back so they cry for a little but they’re able to calm down faster because they know that you’ll be back. I studied Early Childhood Studies and honestly this helped me a lot with my kids. I have 3 already, a 5 year old a 2 year old and a newborn baby and I never had any problems with my 2 oldest because I never let them cry it out, however if you have to do something it is Ok to let baby cry for a little while, for example while you use the bathroom, need to finish something that you had already started before baby started crying. Just as long as it is not for way too long and not a constant thing.
If fed, changed, and you have tried to comfort and the baby still wont calm down then yes. There is only so much you can do. Swaddling helps as well
I had to let my 1st baby do the Cry It Out method. It worked but it was hard listening to her cry. She’s now a perfectly, healthy, and very sweet 16 year old so no damage done.
Let me say, we chose this method because I felt it was the only thing. She had been fed, changed, burped, and everything I could think of. I watched her on the baby monitor and remember she was doing this as she was trying to stand up.
She was colicky when she was younger. I fed her Gripewater and that worked.
We (husband and I) spent countless nights up with her and I held her all the time it seemed and she would fall asleep while nursing and wake-up when you tried to lay her down. It was never-ending.
My second was easier and I didn’t have to do the Cry It Out method with her. She is a happy, healthy and very sweet 15 year old.
Don’t listen to that bs- idk who’s telling you that. Babies need love and comfort. Especially an infant.
I never let my babies just lay and cry, it broke my heart. We were also a co sleeping family. My kids grew up to be loving kind strong independent people.
My son has learned that on his own. When he was two months old we were using new kind of diapers on him. We thought that he was okay, but I could not allow him to cry. I checked his diaper and he was developed a very ugly rash. So listen to your gut, follow your heart.
I always held my son ( sometimes strapped in front while I did the dishes ) rather than listen to him cry. Why put yourself throught that when cuddling is just a lit easier. A small price to pay for golden silence.
Each child is different and I raised my kids to their personalities my daughter was more independent and self soothing worked my son was a cuddler and needed more attention. Both ways work if you know how your child is. Base line is it’s your child and you know them best