My husband told me this morning I don’t have a job or contribute, I work 12h a week. I gave up my 35h a week job as he is always traveling with his job and there is no one to mind our children, we have absolutely no family. He is always working, travels a lot. I just need to vent here; I don’t have people to talk to. I feel like leaving with my children.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Just needing to vent
I would but that is just me
He’s mega insensitive. If that’s how he feels, leave.
Let him do what u do for 2 days
I’m so sick of men saying we don’t work when we stay home with the kids. It’s bogus and abuse. Tell his butt he can stay home and take care of the kids.
Staying at home is more work than going to work.
Wow. I’d leave his butt.
Do what’s right for you and your kids Good luck to you girl.
Tell him to stay with the kids then, or hire help, so that you can go to work.
Don’t let that ignorant prick get to you…
Tell him to fuck right off… bluff him… tell him… fine… I am getting a job and YOUR staying home to do YOUR share of the childcare… do not let him tell u that u do not contribute…
Ur working ur arse off to provide and u 100% contribute to that home… what an absolute hand pump
He doesn’t appreciate all that you do. Frankly I would leave but if you only work 12hrs a week and don’t have family it’s going to be hard for you to find a place to go with your little ones. So start saving up. And leave show him what it’s like without you.
Sweetheart if your not happy leave him. Life’s to short to be unhappy
Tell him. To pay 4 daycare so u can work then he will realise lol the insensitive dork
If ur not happy then leave especially if its affecting ur children
Ask him to change jobs work from home. Then go get a job. You’ll probably enjoy being out of the house too .
Good idea, make him pay child support
Sounds like he is up to something
I’m mad for you, you have gave up hours so he can do what he wants to do he should be thanking you. I’d move with your kids and tell him you want child support since he wants to work 24/7
Just as you probably feel frustrated being the one at home he too probably feels frustrated never being home. You need some couple time on a regular basis. You need to both voice ur frustration and try to help one another solve the current issue. Alot of you sure didnt take ur wedding vows very seriously. In a life time of marriage you will each say things that are insensitive to the other. Usually its not meant to hurt one another but festering issues tend to bubble over. WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGES!!! Stop dipping the moment something doesnt suit you (except abuse or infidelity )…
Daycare? Rude of of him. Tell him you were working but you didn’t have child care. Child care will cost this much I’ll go work and get paid this much.
Even if you have no job, caring for children and house work is contributing. That’s controlling crap.
And i bet he doesn’t even put his dirty clothes in the hamper
honestly…you and your husband need to sit down and actually talk about why he is saying that all of the sudden.
Maybe he’s really stressed about finances…or maybe he’s just being a jerk.
The only way to find out is to ask him about it…
Let him with the kids for a weekend. Return to work full-time, kids can go to daycare.
Your already pretty much on your own
Sounds like someone is cheating, but… idk the dude so…
Looking after children is a full time job in it’s self and working 12 hour"s you are contributing well
Move on …put you n your family first Go for child support…
He sounds ungrateful af…Tell him to make the same sacrifices as you and help watch the kids then because they’re not just YOUR kids maybe that way you can start working more hours
Wow. That’s a pretty low blow from someone who’s never home, muchless around to help you coparent. It doesnt sound like he gave you much of a choice. Tell him fine. He can quit his job and you will go back to work full time. Or…he can pay 500+ a month per child for daycare and see how much you really do contribute by how much you save in childcare. Regardless, you need to call him out on his shit. That kind of behavior is insulting to you and what you do day in and day out alone. Either way, this needs to be a conversation. One in which you call him out for that, and dont back down. You contribute more of your time to your family than he does. Only difference is, his earns a paycheck. Your paycheck is happy kids, a clean home, and an unnappreciative husband. Something definitely needs to change.
Offer to work full time and let him be a SAHD.
Leave for awhile without your children! Let him see the work that goes into being a stay at home mom!! He’ll change his tune!! If he doesn’t show him the door!
Sounds like the stress of his job is getting to him. Have you talked to him about your options for childcare if he really wants you to work more hours?
You deserve happiness as well if u feel time apart is needed for your mental health or whatever then do it
Can you put the young ones in daycare 1 or 2 days a week.
Definitely make time for yourself when he IS home. Unless you can’t trust him with the kids. I was in a similar situation, stayed for 17 years. No matter WHAT I did, it wasn’t good enough. Only you know his words, attitude towards you, the kids and your family life. But, you definitely need to contemplate what is best for You and your kids.
Also, a counselor is the way to vent, and contemplate
It helped me immensely. Best wishes
Can you talk to your hubby about you having some time to yourself. Getting a baby sitter so you too can have time together. I know some men you can and some you cant
See ya dude you don’t need him !!! The question is do you want him?? Hummm
Maybe he’s feeling a bit unappreciated for all the hard work he does too…sometimes we can get wrapped up in life…try not to get upset even though I know it stings like hell especially if it’s not a regular thing… just food for thought … no body is perfect and grass always looks greener on the other side…
Tell him to pay for a baby sitter and you will go to work you leaving with the kids with no job will not solve anything tell him beings he wants this he is to help get the kids taken care while you are both gone and you say he travels if it was me he is not happy he does not appreciate you being a stay at home mom and doing the house work every day and taking care of the kids day in day out it’s allot to keep up with if it was me I would just catch his ass when he comes home leave him with the kids go looking for a job and let him see what it’s like and let him take care of things do not leave for good because he could get you for abandon them all but your not doing anymore than he did leaving to go out of town for work he says which probably not the whole time .
Sweetie, you do have a j o b! You actually contribute MORE than he does. Childcare= $70,000 a year. Housekeeping, $15,000 a year. Transportation, $13,000 a year. Chef service and personal shoppers $20,000 a year. There you are. Your dollar value as a homemaker, Mom is $$118,000 per year. 2021. But my dear, you are priceless. The “Mr” you are referring to is clueless. Don’t let him wear you down and steal your joy. You ARE valuable!!!
Sounds like you need a holiday…. From him! Let him keep his money, oh except for the bit he has to pay in child maintenance. I’m sure once he’s paying that and a maid to clean his home and wash his clothes, only eating take out and servicing his own sexual needs, he might think a little differently.
I was treated this way also. I’m on my own now and tbh only just getting back on my feet. Much better then being an unpaid slave to some dickhead who thinks their superior.
Who does he think he is???
If you can find the means I would most certainly leave with the children
Go online and see how much it cost for maid service and how much it would be to have your laundry sent out basically take everything that you do in a day and write it down daycare cost everything itemize a list and then everything you do keep track of it total it up and at the end of the week submit a bill to your husband and tell him if he’s not going to pay then the services are cut off he’ll start to appreciate how much he’s got to pay out. And if that doesn’t work then explain to him how much more It will cost him in child support!!!
Counseling. Burnout is a thing. You may want to consider a part-time job. When I wasn’t working I didn’t feel like I contributed. So I went back to work for myself. He may have just been in a mood. Everything doesn’t need divorce. Open communication.
Yep, take off. Let him be single and pay support.
Uh. Send him a weekly child care bill then. He’ll change his attitude quick.
Its unfortunate that quite often the majority breadwinner attaches more value to their contribution than their stay at home counterpart, but the reality is kids do spell love - t i m e, growing up standing on an offramp holding a cardboard sign but with your parents can produce more of a functional adult than growing up in a home where the parents are both absent breadwinners
Well he’s certainly verbally abusive, call a women’s Shelter and get away from this loser.
Relationships are never easy you need to ask yourself is it worth saving or do I get out from under it, Communication is the key
My husband pulled this exact stunt. Turned out he was cheating and trying to justify it.
I think it’s funny how men can say things like that. Like it’s so easy to find a sitter for full time job. Why does it always have to be on the mom? Why can’t the dad help out. I would just tell him that and then say I’ll work more but I need more help finding someone to care for our kids so I can help contribute. But to be honest you are contributing cuz daycare is expensive so honestly your saving you both money
He doesn’t see all the stuff you do around the house??? It takes ALOT to be a stay at home mom and men just DONT GET IT! The chores the cooking the kids making messes left and right and not cleaning it up it’s super stressful and wears you down al lot. I was a stay at home mom for a period of time but I just couldnt do it I love my babies don’t get me wrong but I was going insane being stuck there with the kids 24/7. You should tell him one weekend to do what you do for one day and see how hard it really is I bet he wouldn’t last doing it all by himself. I’m sure you definitely do your share for everyone and he’s 100% wrong so saying you don’t contribute because you are what’s keeping the household in working order!
All I got to be nice.
So… don’t do his laundry, don’t pick up his dirty dishes, just leave everything that he uses where he left it. Don’t fix him any meals. Don’t even go grocery shopping. Tell him since you don’t get paid to do everything, then you won’t do anything!
Tell him you’ll go back to work full time. He can pay for the childcare and a maid service.
Shoot pack up and leave him with the kids, then he will see how much you actually do contribute. One thing my fiance has taught me is, I dont have to bring in money to contribute. I work my butt off for my family and I’m a SAHM. And he knows that! If your husband doesnt know that, then give him a wake up call
You do contribute! You’re the mom, the one who probably cooks n cleans n shops
so annoying when men don’t see that there is a lot more to life than a 9-5 WHICH YOU GAVE UP FOR YOUR FAMILY!!!
whatever you decide, you got this girl
Making sure your kids are cared for and safe is worth any amount you could make at a full time job. He needs a different perspective. With all the pedophiles and abusive daycare employee stories, it’s a scary thing. Even if you find a place/people trustworthy to care for them, you will pay most of what you make at that 35 hr a week job to them for caring for them. Literally paying someone else to raise your children. I know sometimes it can’t be helped and every situation is different. He just needs to add up the value of that care; that’s contributing. The things you do for your home; that’s contributing. Being there to watch your place while he’s away; that’s contributing.
I would give him a taste of his own words.
Do. What you. Need. To. Do
Financial stress is a thing. He probably feels you would be better off if you worked more hours.
He is hardly home as you mentioned so add to that the stress of not having the provilage of seeing the child as much as you do. Give the man a break too, not everthing is about the woman.
Leave him with the kids for the weekend let’s see how the house keeps up and how the kids are when u get back
I mean I’m a single mom & I work 40 hours a week In the winter sometimes 50/70 hours a week. It’s do able. Put the kids in daycare or a before/after-school program. Save money & leave he sounds like a jerk.
So get yourself a job contribute financially but stop doing everything else like cleaning, food, etc… he’lol take his words back
Find a work at home job dont tell him its paid training and after the first month leave
Leave leave leave, don’t look back
If he’s always gone you probably need to move closer to family if at all possible
Well to be bluntly honest FUCK HIM I grew up with a stay at home mom and she did so much for me and my sister and a lot around the house it is definitely a full time job and a huge contribution to the household, my wife and I work completely different shifts so some one can be home because I would rather have my daughter raised by one of us instead of daycare. It doesn’t work for everyone and I’m not sure about your financial situation but if you guys can afford for you to be home with the kids than that is the best situation for them
Price out how much childcare, housekeeping services, laundry services, and private chef services are in your area and show him how much you contribute…
He’s a jerk! Men can be jerks! You do a lot more than he will ever know. Keep your head up!
He’s not appreciating you. Leave. Trust me it’s easier without him.
Stop all chores, stop cooking, stop doing his laundry, stop picking up after the children. Then when he complains say “but you said I don’t help?!” And explain how expensive child care is. That any minimum wage job won’t cover 1 child let alone 2 per month. That part of his wages need to be spent on it as well.
Tell you’ve got the toughest full time job ever raising your beautiful kids !!!
Have you tried talking with him? Wrtie down everything you do in a day for a week. I know it’s hard not to feel appreciated. They don’t understand what stay at home moms do until they have to do it. My late step dad once told me that a man’s mind is like a goat path one way up one way down. They’re very simple. I know that sounds harsh but when he comes home from work he sees the clean house he said he sees the kids dressed. He doesn’t see you do the work to get there. Keep your chin up. Try talking to him. Maybe you can find a side hustle you can do from home to bring in a little more money? Is that something you guys can talk about then that way you’re not working just to pay a sitter.
Raising kids is the MOST important job in the world! You ARE contributing.
Start calling day cares and price out how much it would cost for you to go back to a 35hr work week.
If you have more then 2 it’s astronomical. Maybe he’d prefer for you to stay home then.
Men these days have the nerve. It’s a choice move on or keep living like that… choice is yours. Arguing doesn’t change a thing
Leave with your children. You’re supportive… hes not. You o
Committed to a life. He did too. Hes doing what he wants. Hes telling you what you need to do. It only gets worse and deeper down the rabbit hole. Go now. Take your kids. Have a Great life , he needs to move back to mama
I was in the same situation. My husband traveled for work, and no family or friends around. I ended up having to quit my job. Childcare became too expensive. After paying for daycare, which included a 50% discount because I worked there, I only pocketed $50 a month. I can’t begin to explain the financial hole we were in. Behind on our mortgage, waiting until the last minute to pay other bills. My husband felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and so did I. He was discouraged because he felt he wasn’t doing a good enough job providing for us. I was discouraged because for the first time since I was 15, I wasn’t making my own money. He never suggested I go back to work. Instead, he built me up when I felt guilty about not contributing financially. I figured out how to stretch our grocery budget, we cut down on things we didn’t need, we saved wherever and whenever we could. It was hard, stressful, disheartening and at some times scary. But we got through it as a team. If your husband doesn’t look at you as an equal partner, than the 2 of you will be fighting against each other instead of with each other. You need to address what he said to you and come up with a solution together. If he believes that getting childcare so you can pick up more hours will benefit you, then give him the task of finding affordable childcare. He can then deduct the cost, from your projected income and see if it’s worth it. It seems like he’s just thinking about what your collective income could be, and not about the expense that comes along with it.
I’m always here to talk Mama. Pm me anytime!!! He does not sound like he is appreciative what so ever.
Contact a daycare to find out the cost. then contact a cleaning lady to come in once or twice a week to find out how much a cleaning lady would cost 4-5 hours a week . Take the day care fees and the cleaning lady fees to him and tell him this is what it will cost us if I work outside of the home. Compare it to what you would bring in. I bet his tune will change really quickly
Me and mine switched roles for awhile. It’s life changing! He will see everything you have to do and deal with and you see what he does. For the record we have BOTH agreed that staying at home with the kids is the hardest, most physically stressful and demanding job so far!
You taking care of your kids IS A FULL TIME JOB!!!
If he’s gone all the time & you were working outside of the home you guys would be paying for childcare - which is EXPENSIVE !!! Staying at home with your kids you have the advantage of knowing *exactly how they’re being raised …
That’s bull shot if your a house wife you do alot of work on top of the 12 he an ass
Give him the total of the added on bill for child care. Guarantee he won’t mind you working your 12hr weeks
I would leave. God only knows what or who he sees while gone
This is a control technique. Never place your own value of yourself based on the insecurities, manipulations and mind games others try to place on you. Keep it good and keep it for your children honorable and sacred.
He is being an asshole…
Tell him ok you can go to work but you need a nanny and someone to clean the house and cook since you wont be able to mind the kids and clean and cook since you will be working as well. And he needs to find them and figure out how much they will cost and how yall will afford it based on your wages and his. I bet yall save money with your current situation and your children have the best caregiver being you.
I wouldn’t worry about it, he was venting, so you go vent to him, let him know you will go back to work as long as he pays a care taker probably around 15 an hour for you children.
This is why I let no man come before my financial stability. I will never hear a man say that to me. It pisses me off for you just hearing that he said it to you especially since you cut your hours back for him. I wouldn’t stand for it. Tell him he needs to travel less or find another job so you can work and if he has a problem with that then you see from his actions that it’s not a mutual respect. You did it for him and it’s become an issue to where he thinks he can talk to you that way. Make him level the playing field back out if he’s gonna talk like that to you
My husband is like this, I literally gave up on all my dreams so he could have his and has the audacity to tell me I don’t contribute. I work 40+ hours a week and take care of my 2 boys while hes at work(hes a firefighter) for 2 days straight. Sorry I don’t make as much as I would had we not moved for you. Men sometimes suck but try talking it out.
Switch roles he will change is tunes
Being a mom is a 24/7 job and if he was to hire someone to do it he would not be able to afford it. Trust me you are contributing 100 %
I will never understand how a man can say taking care of a home and children is not contributing. Good luck to you.
Maybe you could work and rotate schedules with the kids then…then he has to find a job to help out in that area. Your only one person. After all they are his kids too…half his job to BE THERE AND HELP RAISE THEM!
Agree with him - say you’re going back to work and he can figure out daycare.