Google “Leslie Mahaffy” if you want to see the worse that can happen from tough love locking a child out of their home.
You need to step to the plate and pull that girl out of school!! That’s the consistence she needs not a mom who giving up and throwing the flag in now more then ever she need you and she need to be hard on her !! Don give up
3 Likes
This against the law…
1 Like
Time to find a JOB. Acting like an adult treat them like one. Pay own phone , rent and bills. Buy own groceries.
4 Likes
14 is a pretty tender age to be ‘out on her own’. She is going to make plenty of decisions in her life that turn you in side out. You can only give her the info and hope she makes the right choice. By all means put down your boundaries but don’t shut the door. You may find yourself regretting it.
2 Likes
Dude… she’s 14!! Not 21 on heroin!!! She needs love & guidance. Obviously you need to do some learning yourself I feel bad for your daughter to be honest…
5 Likes
You are not serious! Jesus Christ! Call a counselor… you are willing to kick out a 14 year old? You are the one with a major problem.
2 Likes
At least she’s honest and open. I’d make her smoke a whole entire pack at once. That will teach her. Or how about make her do a PowerPoint presentation on lung cancer and she has to include the most grotesque pictures.
1 Like
Putting her out isn’t the answer. But she wouldn’t be allowed to do anything with anyone. No communication with friends. Everything she does would be with me or another adult. If she went to the bathroom, I would be there with her. Since she can’t be trusted to do the right thing alone, then she would have constant supervision. You are the parent. Be her parent and not her friend. And communicate with her, let her know why you’re doing these things, let her know you love her, and you want to be able to trust her, but she’s gonna have to earn it. Good luck
1 Like
Show her unconditional love, support, Boundaries and rules. Telling your 14 year old to “pack her bags” is ridiculous.
As a mother your love should be unconditional. She is crying out for attention and help. Be her rock and do not give up on her.
2 Likes
Duuuuudeeee… I’m 22 years old. I started smoking when I was 12. I smoked until I was 17 and quitting was hell. Withdrawal is no joke. Please please just tell her from someone who is still so young just don’t smoke cigarettes man. You don’t wanna be addicted to them like I was. I just started smoking again this year and I regret it so much. Now that I’ve started again I can’t stop. It’s a real addiction. And it’s so bad for you. You wanna be able to run, and not be out of breath at 22 years old. You wanna be able to grow old, play with your kids/grandkids and experience life without needing to stop and have a smoke every hour. Trust me. There is no good to being a smoker. Nothing good comes out of it.
Tell her you love her, you have been there. Explain to her about regrets about things she is doing now, and how if she starts smoking now, what’s next? Marijuana, pills, coke, etc?
Explain to her that you know how hard peer pressure is.
Explain discipline is part of parenting, and you love her and by disciplining her, your saving her from herself.
If she can be talked in to smoking at 14, it may not stop there.
Throwing her how shows her you gave up on her. Don’t let her feel that way because you may now get her back, and she may spiral ever further.
In my prayers. 
She is 14. Pull your head in suck it up and be a parent. Listen to the others as I have no sympathy…if you have children as I did it is all part of them growing
Let me stick up for this mom. I was rebellious at that age. When i was 14 I was already having sex, doing cocaine, and smoking PCP. That’s right folks. Nothing no one said or advised me helped me the more they said not to the more I did it. No matter what this mom does its going to be against her. If her daughter is doing all these things and disrespects her trust me no freaken todays kind of disaplibe is going to work for her. A good ass whoopin would some home schooling to keep her away from her friends. Lock her in from the inside. First you have to let her know who is boss and that she will not disrespect you. Yet again these days you go to jail for everything. Turn her into the juvenile detention center lock her up but the street is the worse thing for her. I get it tho. You have to reach out to someone the police department will help you or refer you. You have to get her away from those friends cut all contact. Know that there is help for kids like this do it now before you really lose her. No one helped me and i was an addict for over 30 years. I lived a rough life and experienced things a child should never experience. Save her from herself before its to late. Just so yawl know I took my experiences and became a drug counselor. No one understands addiction like an addict does it’s a disease that we will fight the rest of our lives. Addict behave in ways they would never behave if sober. I wish you the best and pv me if you need to talk.
14? That’s so young. I would like know her friends and their parents and she wouldn’t be going anywhere with them if I found out anything like that. You have lost your mind letting her think she can do whatever she wants.
Yea, if you plan on tossing your 14 year old out as if she’s disposable, you should probably just call someone to come & get her. No wonder she smokes, you probably stress her tf out if you’re jumping from smoking cigarettes to her becoming a full on dope head 
Honestly kicking her out ain’t gonna help…that’s gonna make it worse…help her be a better stronger independent woman …love her…support her…
Talk to her and tell her why it’s wrong. She should listen to reason if you talk to her like an adult but also explain to her why you’re taking her phone. I mean like I went through this phase at 14 and I didn’t like the oath I was going down and decided for myself to stop so if you raised her to trust in herself and to change her situation if she doesn’t like where it’s going then she will. Everyone experiments
100% you are wrong if you don’t know how to deal with it learn don’t tell a 14 yr old girl mixing with the wrong crowd to pack her bags seriously wtf!. Step up and try harder
At least she was honest with you about that… I think there’s hope for her if your relationship with her was still good enough for her to come clean. Teenagers need consequences for the choices they make and remember during these teen years, their brains are literally being rewired and they’re working on autopilot which is the reason for the stupid actions.
41 Likes
as a teenager, she just needs support. to know that you’re not gonna turn on her (like telling her to pack her bags) teenagers want to trust their parents but are often scared of things like that. i’d say, maybe have a conversation with her then maybe go to her pediatrician and see what steps you can take from there. she’ll eventually understand her decisions are not always 110% right. but she’s growing up. she needs someone to go to. and with you telling her to pack her bags because of this, shows her you won’t be the person she’ll be able to go to.
1 Like
Maybe finding out why she’s smoking is a better start? What stress is she trying to alleviate? What is she escaping by smoking? I’m not a mom, but I feel it could be worthwhile to look beyond the smoking and find out what’s happening with her internally. Good luck
1 Like
This breaks my heart and I believe it can happen to even the best of parents so dont beat yourself up over any of it. But I do agree with the others in that she is still a child. If God forbid something bad happened to her, how would you feel? Would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you, the adult are responsible for your child going missing or ODing or worse ? I’m sure u are doing the best you can but kicking her out to teach her a lesson is not the answer.
1 Like
Also show her kindly the girls around who fell in bad company and are now with deformed or down syndrome kids because of smoking and nicely explain to her that the choices that are wrong will only bring humiliation and etc but do make her transition easy by taking her to church and community service like someone in commented and be patient in your mind ,plz dont be shouting all the time but demand respect
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers
May God bless your house with peace amen
1 Like
DON’T GIVE UP ON HER!!! We had major struggles with our only daughter . We went to counseling and sent her. She fooled them all. She is strong willed and smart, great combination but hard to stay ahead of. We were told the same thing… “ she will come around “ “it will get better“ It was hard to believe and accept. She is 28 now, married and an amazing caring daughter and teacher! You can do this. Love Love Love 
Just be prepared when she does run away. cause thats what happened to me when I was 15 and my parents told me to pack my bags when I was being disrespectful to them I ran away didnt come back for 3 days only cuz the police found me. It was the lowest point of me and my parents relationship when I came back. At that point they started locking the doors and windows to my Room until a certain point in the day when I was allowed to come out I felt like a prisoner in my own house. Honestly I would just not allow her to see her friends that are doing the same thing.
I would really start to educate her about the effects of smoking!! And honestly she will decide if and when she wants to smoke. I was her at that age! It didn’t matter what my parents said to me (they were also smokers so it’s a little different) but it took me 10 years to finally kick it. If she wants to smoke she’ll figure out a way to do it. Just educate and be there for her. That’s all you can do
I tried it when I was young my parents said they would make me eat it if they caught me again 
which scared me I didn’t try again but I wanted to learn from my mistakes rather than my parents mistakes growing up if they grounded me I run away to my friends but soon went back after a day or 2 sit down and listen to them and try to understand where and how they feel they will soon know they are better off at home but sometimes they just need to talk and know that they are growing up and not being kept like a baby that’s how I felt just knowing they were there to listen to xx
Throw her out and all you’ll have is a child that’ll feel unwanted not safe not supported nor loved and you’ll push her more towards the drugs. Ride out the hard times talk with her support and help her and never ever give up on her. It may take a while it’ll certainly be hard but giving up should never be your option ever.
I wouldn’t kick her out. I would try to find out why she’s doing it and how? Take her to counseling. I smoked as a teenager and it all started because I was seriously depressed. I just didn’t know how to manage my emotions. If counseling doesn’t help try getting her into a sport or something physically active that she’d enjoy. My coaches influenced me in ways that my parents couldn’t and it helped me so much when I didn’t want to go to my parents about stuff.
Yup. You’re wrong. You are on the right track by giving her a serious consequence, but you are setting her up for much worse by letting the streets finish raising her. I get that you’re upset and I agree… I live in a non smoking home and my teenager isn’t going to change that. You can enforce that rule. No devices. No "friend " contact. You’re the adult. If you think she is going to magically come back after a day crying and begging forgiveness, you’re probably wrong. She will just learn new habits instead and hate you for abandoning her. You don’t need her to like you. You don’t need to be her buddy. BUT you need her to trust you to come to you when in trouble.
You can not make decisions or choices for her, if you do not agree with what she is doing then say so, have deep conversations, be sincere and non judgemental, support her but not her habits. Do not go into the conversation without a calm mind. Google “flipping your lid” by Dan siegel understand that when there is conflict and a arguement with yelling the connection is lost.
I understand what you’re saying. My daughter tried the lying, stealing, and cheating, but she wasn’t very good at it. She kept getting caught. We threatened to send her to foster care, but she thought that she could pick out her foster parents. She eventually grow out of it and now we’re best friends.
Yes / no take her to the counselor put her in her bedroom take out her everything except for a mattress on the floor and take her door down do not allow her to go anywhere‘s until she starts giving respect to our parents she must earn the right to get her bedroom back you only have to provide a food and roof for her head ! I’ll follow no computers no Internet and you have to be formed by this Don’t cave in Make a chart on how many points it’s going to take her to earn each item back the door be in the last
1 Like
At 14 very dangerous to put her out. Lot worse than smoking out there 14 and alone. A suggestion is to bring her to her doctor have him /her explain dangers of smoking and set up a appointment at a cancer center. Have her tour it and let her see the results of smoking. Get her help but sending her off to this current world alone at 14 is not the way to go. Good luck.
she will fall into an abyss if you don’t help her right now. Never give up, look for an institution where they can help you. She is still very young and needs more love than you can imagine. Let her know that she is very loved… Never give up !!
Tough love works my son started swearing on the Xbox so I isolated the WiFi on 2 occasions for 3 days at a time. NO more swearing. He spoke to me with no respect so I kicked him out for 1 night. (He’s 18) he slept in his car which he wouldn’t of had if it wasn’t for us. He came back next day and sulked for 48 hours, then spoke to me and said I was right to kick him out he was acting out of order. I now have a lovely son who is working speaks to me and the family with respect, pays rent and someone who I’m very proud of. Kids are easily influenced by friends. I pointed out we have his best interests at heart.
It’s a very stressful time for you both x she has her peer group, who in her eyes are gods!!! You have the knowledge, fear, and worry x we as parents also get put on an emotional rollercoaster by our kids… that being said I wouldn’t go down the road of “pack your bags” just yet x you have the tools in your toolbox you just have to pick the right one x you know her better than anyone x use that knowledge (it’s power!) take all luxuries away, where you go…she goes, you take her to school, you pick her up x she has no free time without EARNING IT x which means she has show respect, consideration and chores… make her responsible for her actions x I know it’s easier said than done… I’ve been there!! Good luck 
You are her mom. Put yourself in her shoes and look at things from a 14 yr old mind. You are her first teacher. Do your job as a parent and don’t give up on her. You will reap the rewards later in life. Keep on keeping on. God bless you.
1 Like
I would sit her down at the kitchen table with her friends and her friends parents. Tell them all that first of all they are loved, and second of all that it may seem cool and an adult like thing to do, but if they all continue to do it, then there are extreme consequences that no amount of quiting can help if they continue. Make an arrangement to introduce them to a police officer. Have the police explain what happens if they are caught by them, rather than just parents. Maybe a bit of an intervention with her and her friends would help.
14s young sure but she could be doing worse things? I know I’d be upset if my daughter came home and I’d found out she was smoking at 14? However it’s the friend group she’s in with you need to maybe review and give her advice on? Some kids will just join in because why not I know that’s why I began smoking at a young age and soon realised it was no good to follow and quit.
Personally I’d work with your daughter, ask why she’s decided these things? Although for 14 this may not be the best decision she’s made she does have her own mind and decisions they may not be the right decisions choosing to smoke but maybe there’s something influencing her to do so?
Communicating & guiding her towards what’s best for your daughter to learn from her mistakes would be helpful?
This is just the way I’d go about it but not everyone would agree x
I smoked at this age, my parents grounded me hardcore, and took away my allowance. but in the end I was gonna find a way to get them… either from friends, or stealing them from my dad. I would also save lunch money for a week and have a legal age patron buy them for me at the store. 
My parents finally came to terms that it was an endless battle and I could have been doing far worse things, so they stopped fighting it. I wasn’t allowed to smoke around them until I was 16 and by then I moved myself out. Pick your battles, there are far worse ones to come.
Depends if your having trouble with her and it’s been constant for a few years and she continues to do the things shes doing and not listening and you have done everything you can think of by taking things and grounding her, I would put her in military school or juvi, honestly I dont know what else you could do if nothing else works I would try a counselor or an officer and talk to them.
I would try and find pictures and videos that show what happens if you get throat cancer mouth cancer any pictures that will scare the crap out of her. Maybe talk with the school counselor or health teacher also. My mom had lung cancer, had her lung removed had chemo and radiation and was cancer free for 10 years. Then it came back as colon cancer she beat that and was cancer free for another 7 years then came back as lymphoma and she died week later. She can hear stories all day long like my mom’s but I think at 14 the more horrific the pictures the more impact it would have on her. Good luck
So basically let her smoke then?! I wouldn’t throw her out but I’d be doing something. You can’t control what she does when your gone so much but you can in your home. Pick your battles, don’t let her at home. To many people allow thier kids to disrespect them. Your kids not gonna never talk to you again just cause you didn’t let them smoke. Come on people.
Please don’t throw her out. She needs help, not for you to turn your back on her. Where will she go? The best thing for you to do is recognise this as a cry for help. Change her school, hopefully she’ll make new friends. Love her through whatever it is she’s going through. She might not open up now, but she needs your conditional support more than ever xx
Coming from someone who has been kicked out for things like this, I highly suggest not doing this. All it is showing to her is that your love is conditional and it will cause deep issues. She was honest with you about it and that is something. You need to show her love no matter what. 14 and alone on the streets these days, far worse will happen to her.
I started smoking cigarettes and weed at that age. But it wasn’t all the time. Granted times are sooo much different. My mom and dad knew but I also wasn’t getting into trouble or things like that so my parents didn’t ground me or tell me to stop. And I did what I was told and was always on time for curfew things like that. Honestly you have to do what you feel is right cus every kid is different. You have to listen to your heart because like with me I was a good kid and didn’t put myself in trouble things like that but I never partied with my brothers or drank with them, or even smoked weed with them. But my brothers were different they partied together, got I. Trouble with cops and school and later on became drug addicts like hard core drugs. Even to this day I don’t smoke with around my brothers or with them if I do smoke and if I have a beer I’m not getting drunk. It’s just how I am. I hope you find what works for you guys!
I was 15 the first time I drank. And honestly I wish I had received more help. Being that age you believe you know everything. I am 29 now and have been sober for 3 years. I had no help and support so I dove deep into alcohol and drugs. Get your girl the help she needs now because in the future you may not have her. Addiction is stronger than most of us
I have a lot of questions before giving any advice. where is she getting the money to buy the cigarettes and drugs. where is her father. what are your house rules. do you smoke yourself. there’s a lot of questions before giving any answers to this problem. but there is one thing I will advise make sure that your home is a safe place for her to come to and make sure she knows you will love her no matter what situations she gets into.
1 of each
1 pair of shoes, socks, underwear etc
If you can’t get her to stop smoking you can at least get her to appreciate the little things & ideally break any entitlement attitude she has, Deprivation has a unique way of opening ones eyes & making them humble…the key is to keep communication open even when we don’t like how they (she) is expressing herself. With all that’s happened this year alone its hard for us adults to adjust, imagine how much more it is for a growing under developed teenage brain, love her, support her & for those times you wanna lose it (walk away compose yourself & reflect on the situation often that’s when we find clarity)
Did a little something like this with my daughter & it worked & trust me the last thing you want is for her to be away from you out there on her own right now, this world is an evil thing & it’ll destroy her without your love & protection
Good Luck I’ll be praying for both of you
Um you’re 100% wrong. First of all she is a child. Second of all if youre concerned about her smoking maybe have her see a counciler or therapist to find out if there is a reason why she has turned to it or if its just peer pressure. Everything is so strange right now and i think alot of people dont realize how hard this has been on the kids too and how stressed they have been. Find things to do with her and with her friends to connect. Talk with them all and maybe try to get the other parents on board to work together and help all the kids.
Having disrespect and discipline issues with my almost 13 year old. As of today, she has no access to the internet or screens of any kind, no games, no going out to play…for two weeks. I restart the time when she is disrespectful.
I suggest taking away the things she pays attention to. I’m sorry you’re frustrated enough to threaten to take away your help and your love(get out of my house doesn’t sound like “I’m angry because you’re not respecting me” it sounds like I don’t care about you or love you” because they can’t reason the way you can. They still think their lies aren’t transparent! She’s only had a short time for life experience. Show her what cancerous lungs look like. Take away her fun. Never take away your love or help.
I wish you the best of luck on this. Parenting is never easy.
Omg my ears I know you are probably at you wits end with your daughters Behaviour but to say you’d kick her out is disgraceful as a mother when you have a child you promise to protect them from anything love them through anything be there whenever they need night or day that is a true meaning of a parent not kick them out when life get to hard . There are plenty of ways to discipline her without going to the Extreme keep her busy with stuff so that she doesn’t have time to hang around with the wrong crowd spend more time with her talk to her find out about how she’s feeling don’t shout and threaten that’s only push her more towards them .
As a mother who had to put my son in rehab at 17, I have learned we can talk to them, but they’re unfortunately going to have to learn the hard way! Keep talking and keep being a good strong supportive mother!!! Sometimes you are going to have to be the “mean parent” but that’s okay!!! That’s your baby and some day, she’ll appreciate it 
. You got this
Don’t kick her out!
It’s a good thing she told you what her and her friends are doing, she could of kept it a secret from you.
As the others said, don’t pay for the cigarette.
She will stop in her own terms.
This is a very hard decision to make. First thing, you have to be the mean old parent and give her orders that appy to your home. If she smokes or does drugs, she should be put into counseling and do remember, she is 14 years old. That is a stage they go through that they think they may be mightier than you.
Never feel sad that you alone are facing a rough time and all others are better off. We all go through this and that
But you are the mom and your child needs to know you are there for her no matter what
Dont spoil your relationship with haste
Haste makes waste
Reach out to local hospitals. Have her taught what smoking does to her body. Make it an educational decision.
Where exactly would you send your 14yo daughter? Support her, educate her, give her boundaries and structure, do not condemn her.
Yes you are wrong and it’s not disrespect to you at all.
If she won’t accept help then make sure you support her to be safe at all times and make her aware of the risks she is doing.
I know it’s not something you want to encourage but if you push your daughter to not do something when she already won’t listen then you’re going to push her away even more and she will end up doing it in a unsafe manner and a unsafe environment.
Many many kids now a days are smoking and doing drugs ( weed majority )
You can’t kick out a 14 year old.
Crystal rock is absolute right I have gone through this for 19 yrs. I am raising my granddaughter d/t my situation. I tried everything. I go to bed every night praying for my daughter and pray I don’t get the phone call. I’ll pray for you need to stay strong it will be the hardest thing you go through
Please do not kick her out at 14. She will end up raped/abused/ or trafficked just to get by. Continue to set boundaries and rules and clear consequences, but don’t kick her out. Too many horrible things/people out there…
That will be her consequences if she isn’t listening, av been there 
when i was in her place i wasn’t going to learn otherwise not big things like drugs tho; sometimes you have to let them be, after she learns she’ll come back regretful 
Yep I think your wrong! I think there’s other ways to go about it not just kicking her out ive read a little in the post but I obviously don’t know the full story and maybe your daughter is out of control and you need help with her but kicking a child on at 14 in my opinion isn’t the answer I have a soon to be 13 year old and the thought of me not knowing were my child is let alone how he’s eating and where he’s laying his head on a night makes me feel sick reach out to a gp a family member or even ss ask for help abandoning your child isn’t the answer , id be devastated if my children smoked but like someone said further up in the conversation its not the worst thing and if the crowd shes involved in become the only people shes around you might find her in a worser situation x
Nothing good comes out of “pack your bags” and get out. Your only leading the way to worsening the current situation.
Be understanding, support her even
Though it’s hard, give her the attention and love she is searching
for. It will get better… she will learn from her own experiences. She’ll soon figure out what’s wrong and
Right for
Her.
Firstly I would find out where shes getting the cigarettes from and if her friends all smoke and do drugs where are they getting them… I remember in high school how there would always be a group of the popular kids who smoked behind the pe hall or school gates…
I would them get the proper authorities involved police/school etc and make some serious noise…
I wouldnt kick her out but I would try to talk her.
being 14 is a scary place and you just want to fit in
She’s 14, and she’s been honest with you about smoking, appreciate that, a lot of kids would of hid it, I did when I was 14.
Her mind and body is all over the place at the minute, periods, her hormones are changing a lot, her body is starting to change and grow in every direction! Life’s confusing at 14!
Lay down the rules, take her phone, cut the internet of especially at night time, make her help around the house, chores, helping cook, do the washing, etc, stop her going out with her friends, and get her involved in family activities that she’ll enjoy! Family counselling could be good aswell for both of you. Your the boss mama, but she sounds like she needs reassurance and guidance but doesn’t no how to ask without being embarrassed, shy or feeling silly xx
Does she have a phone? Take the f-ing thing away!!! Her friends that she will only see at school because she won’t be doing shit with them they wont be influencing her!!! YOU influence her!!! If she doesn’t like you EVEN BETTER!!!
She disrespects you because you’re allowing it. She doesn’t need help!!! She needs you to be her parent. Youd rather her die from any types of cancers …a long painful death not just lung ca, breast ca, ovarian, cervical, rectal, skin, mouth…but i guess that would be easier…reminder shes 14. 
She’s out of control because its been allowed in the house. They act out for attention and you’re ready to kick her out. Honestly she may be better off with someone else, see if you have a responsible parent that would take on the task you dont want to deal with.
#noteveryoneismeanttobeaparent
Wrong!!! Shes only 14 i dont even think she understands why what shes doing it bad i was doing exactly that at 14 to and it was just a phase i went through she will not end up in a shit life she created if you stick by her and try to help her and be there for her if she needs it and disciplining her will help to! But not kicking her out and leaving her to fend for her self
She’s 14 , talk to her explain the damage it does , explain them friends won’t even be her friends when she in uni or working . Give her something els in life to follow , pull the plug in WiFi and sit and spend time together.
Homeschool her. Take away her devices and social media. Disconnect her from the influence of those “friends”. Down the road, put her in a sport where she can make new friends that are team oriented and healthier.
You are the adult & parent,she is the child. Make her abide by your rules…period! Maybe the only time she should see these “friends” is while at school. Keep her lil ass at home when she’s not at school even if you’ve gotta get a sitter if you have to work. She’s acting out & you need to find out why & then help her momma.
It’s CoVid, how is she allowed to hang with friends?
My advice is find a mentor, someone she thinks is cool that she can listen too. All kids have an older cousin or someone they admire and think is a cool adult. Find that person and help your child.
14 is too young to put her out.
I started smoking when I was 13, using drugs by 14, pregnant by 17, stopped using drugs, had 3 kids by 26, started using methamphetamine and prescription drugs, lost my children… BEST THING MY FAMILY DID WAS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!! I NEEDED TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND SORT MYSELF OUT!!! I am 35 now and don’t even smoke cigarettes!! I have my children back in my care!! In fact I have 5 children now!! I just needed to hit rock bottom and claw my way back to the top!!
1 Like
Where would she go? Never do that unless you know she has a place. You also might be pushing her into a bad environment. Just tell her she must work out side the home for her money your not buying them and no smoking around you. And if you smoke that doesn’t help, you may be setting the example
Turning your back on her is exactly what she’s trying to see if you’ll do! Be there for her. More than ever. Spend so much time with her she has no time for the bad influences. Also, teach her about smoking and drugs. Not just preach. She’s a person. She has her own feelings and thoughts. You can’t expect her to mimic you thought for thought. Lead by example and teach her to care more about herself.
All 14 year olds go through this and they all try things that we wish they didnt. I had to give in and let mine smoke but not in my presence. Luckily my daughter has not tried drugs as far as o know but all her friends do. X
Coming from someone who went down that path, don’t push her down it. Why is she smoking? Is she doing the drugs with her friends? If so, why? There’s a reason. Find out what it is and then love her thru it. Don’t push her away.
Abandoning your child will only make the situation worse, if she is already smoking & her friends do other drugs, what is going to stop her from doing all that PLUS MORE in the streets? Also as she is only 14 years old, kicking her out opens the doors wide to human trafficking. Not just other people taking her off the street either, but her resorting to it herself because she needs to eat, supply her addiction, or even just needed a place to rest her head. YOUR child, YOUR responsibility. You don’t just get to just ditch her when things turn towards a direction you do not support.
My son is 13 and started smoking puff bars about a year ago. So I decided to buy one with no nicotine in it. None. After 3 days he didn’t even touch it. It was not a big deal anymore to him. He couldn’t be sneaky about it anymore. 6 months later its still sitting in his dresser full.
When I was 14 my mom caught me smoking and she made me smoke menthol cigarettes the pack. I was so sick I never smoked again.
I don’t know if that helps any.
1 Like
Life on the streets or others couches will most likely lead to rape, prostitution and more drugs. Do whatever to keep her safe Bc that’s your job. Remember your role as her parent and get professional support but do not kick a child out. She’ll be even more lost and probably never forgive you❤️ but get support for yourself to help you do the right thing.
Discipline isn’t going to work now days neither is throwing them out. Things could get very worse then just smoking at that point. The best advice I could possibly give you is let it be just set rules like no smoking around me or something. I know it’s not ideal but honestly it’s the only thing that’s not gonna drive her away
She will come good if she knows she can rely on you. You’re her main person in the world. Even above her friends. Stick with it x
1 Like
So you give up at 14? Mom you stay in there…girls need their Mom’s…yes she might be disrespectful but don’t kick them out…you can’t be there for them if you kick her out…she will come back to you for help with BIGGER problems…#dontevergiveup
Be the mother she needs, not the mother she thinks she wants. It’s your house, your rules. She’s a child. How is a 14 yr old out smoking and doing drugs with friends in a pandemic??? Where is she getting the money? The freedom?
Time to step up and put your foot down. Hard. Kicking her out is not the answer. Do not give up on her. Or any future grandchildren she may have.
You two need family counseling to figure out how it got this far and got this bad.
Never turn your back on children, no matter what age they are.
Your daughter needs your guidance right now. Don’t give up! Letting her go, may be something you’ll regret for the rest of your life!
You’re wrong. Go be wrong in your wrongness. No parent should abandon their child- especially when they are an age they need your presence… teen years are hard, and she is only acting her age. Don’t be a dick.
Does she have a grandparent or a elder friend that has smoked or tossed with the idea? Right now with Covid is not the right time to start with that stuff. If you have an elder friend that would be willing to talk with her go for it. Or someone in college that you would know same thing. Age is always a great difference. Big brothers and sisters, a paster any resource
I hope you never did anything wrong in your life, your daughter is still very young and needs her mother and what did you do ? Kicked her out as soon as she did something you did not approve of.
You were a teenager once we’re you perfect?, Parents are suppose to be there for their children and help guide them in life not luck them out the first time they do something wrong.
Show your daughter some love and understanding and be patient with her, she is still learning about herself .
Whoa…lots of info in here. Well you have your hands full momma bear…thats heavy!
But what is heavier is what your daughter is feeling right now. We all dont listen as kids. So really nothing will change at this age or another. But what can happen is you sit her down and be real. You are most definitely going to need to put extra effort in this one. Its a tough situation and exhausting but she needs you even if she pretends she don’t.
Her friends are an influence. So maybe try to eliminate that surrounding. Get her occupied in other things? Maybe, this is a chance to flip the script and go hang out with her and her friends. Lol I know weird right but it will make her see youa rent playing any games and are serious about not allowing the behavior.
It isnt going to be easy and half the time it will feel like we just waste our time but I promise you arent. Dont give up just yet mom. She needs you. More now than ever bc she is figuring herself out. She is testing her limits with you and seeing how far you’ll go. If you aren’t ready to go the full mile then momma I hate yo say it but you have no choice. Not in a mean way. I knoe your struggling and frustrated but you just can’t quit yet. I think you can do this!!! It just is going to take a whole lot of yoh.
If it’s weed, let her. I began smoking young and my mom would only let me smoke in our house rather than out with friends getting it from whoever. It was a much safer option when she knew I was gonna do it regardless of her say or opinion. Maybe talk to her about it. It’s just weed, it’s not that bad.
Well friends come and go all the time but parents are forever don’t lose her to her friends and always love her no matter what…
She’s only 14, you’ll go to jail for Abandonment. But a pack, sit there in front of her, make her smoke the hole pack, then take away everything she has, don’t give in, she’s your child. I did that to my son, and believe me he was sick as a dog, he’s 47 now and doesn’t smoke. But back in the day you got your ass whooped and they pretty much didn’t want that. My kids and grandchildren all say yes mam and no sir. That’s respect. It’s called tough love…
You have an obligation to house and care for her until she is 18 regardless of how you feel about her smoking. Try visual aids. I smoked and at 35 I got a tumor inside my heart. If you want a picture of it, to show her what happens when you smoke, just let me know.
When I was 16 i tried smoking. Of course Mom called Dad, and he brought a black cigar home… I had to smoke it… It made me sick and I didn’t smoke again until i was 24, of course that was a big mistake.
no is there a class I went to the juvenile detention center and I took a class on how to deal with teenagers and my kids were in a class next door they took them on a tour showing them were they can end up
When I went to high school they took us to a part of the hospital where they had organs on display one healthy and one not based on the health factor next to each other
The black lungs next to the pink ones was enough for me in Jr high to be like nope. Lol. So maybe a different kind of education and hearing from a dr or expert. Will impact her decisions. It is so hard to hear your own voice as a kid and be yourself rather than adapting to what the cool peeps are doing.
I was 13 years old when i started smoking (also because all my friends were smoking) when i told my mother she told me that she wasn’t going to ground me she’s not going to chase me away. She just told me “It’s your body if you want to mess it up so be it but you have to buy your cigarettes yourself” which was hard because we didn’t get allowance so i bumbed of my friends and in the end i smoked for a year then i just stopped… After about 6 months i got into a fight with my mom which made me go back to my bad friends and they convinced me to start smoking again. I still smoke today but i would give every inch of beimg inside of me to stop again. I grew up realising that i’m not setting a good example for my daughter so i am trying every day to quit. Seeing myself in the mirror with a cigarette in my hand was the first straw for me, realizimg how damn ugly i look smoking. So maybe you can tell her to look herself in the eyes through a mirror while smoking and ask herself if she thinks she looks pretty while smoking
So you’re just gonna send her packing when she so obviously needs you? Wow. Why not fix the problem that causing her to seek out risky behavior? Help her learn from her mistake and move forward together. It’s literally your job as a parent to teach her how to be a functional adult, how’s she supposed to learn that when the moment she struggles you put her out?! Oh you should probably know it’ll end up a lot worse than cigarettes if you kick her out. I can’t even believe someone would send a struggling CHILD away. Sounds to me like you care more about respect than your daughter.