You are the parent. I wish my 14 year old would have. You need to parent up, or find someone who will.
Pick your battles lady. You kicked her out for that? Says more about you than her. Sad
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If you’re going to be too strict with her she’s gonna end up doing it anyways behind your back and it could cause her not to wanna relationship with you and telling her to pack her bags and get out probably damaged your guises relationship sit down and actually have a talk with her without getting mad at her you can ground her and take away all the electronics that you wantBut treating her like that ain’t gonna get you the things that you want
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Good luck with that… Cops will bring her right back and then charge you. Lol…
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She wants attention from you and is lashing out. I’d try spending more time with her and focusing on the positives.
No! Do not kick her out.too many creeps out there
Have her doctor talk to he. Also police .
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So u r going to kick her out at 14 cuz you failed at parenting and raised a brat? Mom of the yr. No wondwr shes messed up!!
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Yes u r wrong. I urge you to speak with a counselor/psychologist or even her pediatrician and get help coming up with a better solution from them. Kicking your 14 year old out is not the answer…it might even be illegal.
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Kicking her out isn’t the way to deal with problems, All that teaches her is to “give up” when things get difficult.
Your the parent, she will not smoke in your home or around you. If you catch her, take away the things she looks forward to,
TALK, TALK, TALK to your daughter because as a woman when I was a teenage girl I acted out and did “bad” things because I was feeling unheard, unloved and begging for attention (from the wrong people)
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You’re kicking her out for smoking she’s not going to stop smoking even if you throw her out the door if anything that’s going to make it worse and she’ll end up doing way worse things you’re supposed to protect them smh
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Report her as a child out of control that will wake her up real quick. Helped one of my sons with his temper amongst other things
No don’t kick her out. Maybe a rehab? She needs you more than ever right now and your failing her
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At 14 you telling her to get out is dead wrong… What happened to being a parent putting your foot down and making sure your child follows through.
Youre 1 destroying any relationship you had with her… 2 killing any respect she had
3 making sure she will NEVER come to you again about things
4 youre going to get some charges by the state
5 do i really need to list why the hell this is wrong???
YOURE A MOTHER !!! ACT LIKE IT. This is what the fuck is wrong with kids now adays you wonder why kids dont give a fuck??? Cause their parents never taught them about giving a fuck and following through on their word and sticking things out even when they get hard… Sorry as a mother of 3 age 19-13… This beyond pisses me off.
Ok… so this maybe wrong and I may get rude comments on this but I was 14 when I started smoking I was goin though alot at home and thats what I turned to. I did not do drugs still dont do drugs i only smoke my cigarettes and my aunt that raised me knew I smoked she knew that was my escape because I wouldn’t open up to a counselor or any adult not even my friends. So I say no dont kick her out but try to give her something else to occupy her mind. And when she does good with out the cigarettes reward her with little surprises. And show her you support her have a mom daughter day let her open up to you it might take more than once. And if possible keep her away from her so called friends because they sound like bad influences. Keep giving her love and affection momma she will come along when she ready but try to earn her trust and whatever you do dont give up on her.
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She’s 14!! If she won’t listen and I can’t keep her safe at home then I find her someplace and someone professional to help. I don’t abandon my 14 year old child! Wtf
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You dont just throw your child onto the street 
Nothing says I really don’t care more than that.
Ground her. Take her phone. Dont let her leave other to school. Forbid her from seeing these friends. Put locks and alarms on your window that don’t stop sounding loudly until a key is inserted.
Do literally anything other than kick your 14 year old
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No 14 year old should ever be kicked out??
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I got pregnant at 14… I can’t imagine if my parents kicked me out. I’m so greatfull luckily even her dad’s side was amazing for us. She’s now 12 and I can’t imagine doing this at any age support her, she’s at the age where she’s being pressured… talk to her, you would be surprised what is alllll going on in her life for her to handle.
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I started at 15. I dont feel like its enough to be kicking out my 14 yr old🤷♀️ teen brains arent fully developed, theyre impulsive and do things without thinking. Its just wired that way
Yes that is the wrong thing to do to her. My God, grow and learn with her. Pack her bag at 14??? Smh. With all the sex trafficking and crazy pervs these days is that really a risk you want to take?
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Contact you Juvenile Court System and file an At Risk Youth petition.
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eeeh my parents did that and it definetly didnt work i loved it and got myself into more trouble!!!
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Something I learned at that age, if my mom had a conversation with me instead of immediately punishing/yelling/threatening things, I probably wouldn’t have ever started. Kids rebel when they feel unheard. Sounds like you both could go to counseling. The more you push the more she’ll push back. Just coming from someone who was a good kid until my parents made me feel like a bad one. Then bad things started happening.
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Do not kick her out. Punish her and let her know the consequences to her actions. Get her in an outpatient program, therapy, something.
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You kicked her out for… smoking?
It sounds like you took the first chance to abandon your responsibilities as a parent. 50% of middle school kids smoke and when they get to highschool it’s even more. I started smoking at 13. Maybe it started off as a way to be ‘cool’ but it’s addictive and hard to quit.
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Fucking ground her. Put alarms on windows and doors. If that doesnt work then military school is an option. YOU are the parent. Act like it.
I disagree. You don’t turn a child away for being difficult. She will most likely tell herself why should I care no one else does. Have you stopped her from seeing this crowd? Tried counseling? Any other outlet aside from saying “sayonara?”
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Honey don’t kick her out… that’ll only make the problem so much worse to the point she might do drugs so much that she overdoses. I was a troubled kid like her. I started doing drugs when I was 12. I did it for years. She won’t accept the help until she is ready. Start with getting her into therapy and see what they can do. Last resort- you can always send her to a detox treatment facility or even rehab. My mom sent me to both and she also had to put me in the mental hospital several times as well. I didn’t get clean until I WANTED TO. When I was SICK OF MYSELF. When I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. When I was 15, I was in rehab for over 2 months for it to finally click and they didn’t let me out until it did truly click. If you are religious- put your faith into Gods hands and PRAY as much as you can!!! All my mother did was pray and beg professionals to save her babygirl. Please don’t ever give up on her. That will surely be the worst thing for her, and yourself. She needs you no matter how much she may push you away and make your life hell. Now that I’m an adult with 2 children myself, I am so utterly thankful for all that my mother did for me. She was late to work at times looking for me or taking me to a hospital because I overdosed, she was scared for my life often, and very angry and lost most of the time but she would give anything up to help me even when I didn’t want her anywhere near me. No matter what she says or does, she needs you more than ever. I send both you and your babygirl much love and light. You got this.
I wouldn’t kick her out shell just go down a darker path maybe you could take her to the cancer ward at a hospital so she can see the long term affects
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So you are okay with her doing whatever she wants, so long as it’s not under your roof? Sounds like you care more about your pride than your kid😡
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Sad. Pack her bags huh. That’s just awful to say. . my daughter hung herself. I would give anything to have her back. Also telling her that here an sending her out will get u as so called parent put in jail.
Kicking her out is going to have her turning to more than just cigarettes. Take her to volunteer at the local cancer ward, have her talk to doctors and professionals, start leaving those gross pictures on smoke packs all over your house.
Kicking her out is not the answer at all. Also, fighting with her over it is only going to push her into it more in my opinion.
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kicking her out might be easier for you but seriously will not be a positive for your daughter she needs you now more than ever
Unfortunately I’ve been there. There isn’t anything you can do and you cant kick out a 14 YO. Just lay it out she cant smoke in the house and you will not give her any money f iui r this. I would also take the cell phone if she has one and no unnecessary spending. Extra cloths etc. Maybe she will get the idea.
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Smoking what? And I started at 13. I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t punish her but my mom didn’t really punish me she was oblivious for a year or 2 but after she found out I kept straight As and was always a good child besides that so she never had to worry. If it was my child I would take away her phone. Drug test her often. Don’t let her go out after school or on the weekends. Have cameras and alarms so she can’t sneak out. Also tell her she will not get her drivers license or a car if she keeps it up.
You are the parent she is the child! She thinks she is old enough to know everything but she has a long way to go. Anything you do to stop her from being with the “bad seeds” is only out of love.
I was a pretty bad kid the only reason I am the person I am today is because my parents never gave up on me or kicked me out. Drugs, smoking, stealing, fighting I did it all. I put my poor parents through hell. They always chased me down when I was being sneaky, dragged me out when I was somewhere I wasn’t suppose to be. I was such a punk ass kid who hated my parents when I was younger and couldn’t wait to move out and I’m forever thankful they put up with me because who knows where I would be now. Probably in jail or worse. But I know I wouldn’t be happy and healthy with 3 beautiful babies and a loving husband. Don’t kick her out don’t give up on her. She may hate you now but when she grows up and sees everything you did for her she will love you even more for it. I know I do. Teenagers are hard but she’s yours to guild through life.
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Her disrespect is not a personal attack against you, she’s got her own free will and people need to learn from themselves. Our children are not robots and can’t be perfect people they will make many wrong decisions just like we do. Ask God for help and guidance. Talk to her in a compassionate way instead of being angry at her about it, anger has never fixed any situation. Plus can’t legally kick her out until she is 18.
She’s 14…you may feel like you’re up to your eyeballs (and probably rightly so) but the decisions you make now will affect your relationship with her for years to come. Plus I’m pretty sure it’s probably illegal or highly frowned upon at the very least in every state to kick her out at 14. They make boot camps, treatment centers and group homes (NONE of which you want her to go to, at the most those are last resorts, TRUST me as a kid who was sent down that path unjustly) for that kind of stuff.
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As a parent you cant kick her out cause shes 14 cops and everyonewpuld see that had you abandoned her and you can get charged. , I would start taking things away from her
Someone I know also has a 14 “vaping” bc “there’s no nicotine” they think it’s cool. She needs to learn on her own… we were all that age, I refused to listen to my mom. Luckily I didn’t get into drugs and alcohol but I was very defiant
PLEASE READ what ever you do just dont throw her out. Put your foot down show some tough love. Your her Parent set your rules & boundaries. Dont give up on her. Everyone’s situation is different. But your responsibility as a parent is to protect her. You know she’s safer at home. You can’t protect her if you don’t know where she is at. If something happens to her could you live with yourself. Talk to her but don’t abandon her. You have to lead by example if you give up she is going to give up. Giving up is not an option. Everyday in life is a blessing 
Keep your head up you got this…
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Kick her out??? Thats LITERALLY the OPPOSITE of what you need to do 
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Duuuuuude. That’s so sad!!! I smoked for a few weeks when I was about 14 also. My dad caught me. He didn’t even get mad. He stayed calm. He said he was sad. It was unhealthy. It stunk. It was expensive. And he wish I didn’t. He told me he would never buy them for me. And to please not do it front of him. He walked away calmly. It broke my heart. I never did it again. I wish you luck.
But seriously, that’s still your baby. She’s going to make mistakes. It sounds like you did too. Yikes.
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Ur gonna give up over smoking? No judgment just saying she’s still a kid. Let her be one. 14 is the age most kids start smoking. She’s gonna experiment with more. Try discipline…
First eliminate the "bad habit friends " entirely. If that means you have to home school or cyber school her then so be it. Find a relative to help. Kicking a 14 year old is not the answer. Ask her why she is smoking. People smoke for many reasons. Is she doing it to be cool and fit in with these “cool” kids? , stress from school? There has to be a reason. Do you guys or any other family members smoke around her ? You absolutely can not solve a problem until you get to the bottom of it. My 14 year old started vaping due to anxiety and stress I disapproved of it due to the nicotime and crap in vapes. I spoke with a doctor and they suggested the low dose cbd vapes that have less harmful side effects and zero nicotine. People give their pets cbd oils. However i am still on the fence about allowing it. I agree with the other lady up top a good relationship is better to have than a rough one. Let her know she can trust you and come to you .
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she’s 14, you have a responsibility to her. I know it’s very difficult and frustrating but you cannot kick her out. get help for you, momma, you need some support and love.
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Strict lockdown. Find a therapist. Make her go everywhere with you, and bring her to a babysitter if you can’t. With the attitude and way you are going about this, all you are showing her is is that she just does what you don’t like and you don’t care so she can do it anyways.
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Depends…it could be a phase. If its tobacco try to scare her out of smoking with the facts show her what a waterbottled full of used cigs smells like and tell her thats in her lungs. If its cannabis it won’t harm her as long as she is with safe people and in safe places. I had a roomate who had a teenager who smoked. She grew out of it eventually. When her friends cam over they got stoned and painted and played video games then passed out then woke ate and took a walk or whatever home. I wouldn’t worry. Just remember who’s in charge and it’s not the end of the world.
I didn’t listen when started smoking now have COPD it’s horrible I also watched my Mother die
You can’t just kick your daughter out. That’s probably what she wants anyways. Teenagers are rebellious and think they know it all. You have to put your foot down and provide consequences when she is disrespectful and doesn’t obey by the rules.
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Do not give up on your child, especially at only 14 years old.
When I was a teenager and started smoking to be cool. My mom made me eat the cigarettes…I learned my lesson. I DON’T SMOKE…I am now 51 and would do the same to my kids if they ever tried to start smoking.
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So you are just going to get rid of your child because “its just too hard” ? I honestly pray for your child! You are the parent! Its your responsibility to protect her! Not just get rid of her. Thank god my mother didn’t give up on me like this. Because I was just like your daughter. I was bad. But my mom fought with me and for me ! Put your big girl panties on and make changes! Yes they will be hard and yes there will be fights. But a true mother doesn’t just give up on their child. Make strict punishments. Take the door off the room. No tv. No phone. No computer unless its for school and monitored. No leaving the house unless with a parent. My mother took everything out of my room except the mattress. No dresser no nothing (she also found all my hiding spots) check all bags (purse, backpack, pockets, ) entering and existing the house if she is in actual school. You are the parent ACT LIKE ONE! AND YES I SAID WHAT I SAID!
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She’s 14 you can’t kick her out. Just gotta try try your best with laying down the consequences and rules. Even if she keeps breaking them keep following through. I was your 14 year old daughter as a teenager. I was grounded forever and constantly getting into trouble and despised my mom but now she is my best friend. I know why she did what she did. She never gave up on me. She loved me even when I was so rude and disrespectful.
Hopefully she will wise up I would have been keeping her at home she can only spiral worse at least she has a secure roof over her head and just work on what do U want to achieve in your life perhaps
I have a daughter that was this way her thru out all her teen years… I finally accepted it our job to push back as in no smoking in or around my home no drugs u earn your free time… She put me thru hell and back she is now 31 and thanked me for never giving up on her… Cna now… And at the time I also had 3 other children
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Hang in there it does get better
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My daughter who is 13 did the same thing, she went as far as smoking weed, yes it’s gut wrenching to watch them go down that road BUT I has faith in her and one day she said mum I’m giving up, I hate doing it, I only did it because my friend peer pressured me into it, from that day she’s not picked up a cigarette or had weed, it took Will power and determination and obviously out love and support, don’t give up on her she’s a baby and she needs you, just be there for her always doesn’t mean you condone it but it shows her your supportive and your love is unconditional, I hope you get the outcome I got, good luck x
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You dont kick her out. She’s your responsibility as she is under age. When I was in foster care my foster mom would go through our things and throw out anything we weren’t supposed to have including her own daughter. Unfortunately she said there was nothing she could do about any smoking outside the home but while in her home it was not allowed. Her bio daughter still had a place she’d smoke in her room (in her closet) though and I’m sure it was hard for her mother to smell t since she smoked too. My foster sister hid hers in my stuff because everyone knew I didn’t smoke, so my stuff never got checked.
You don’t kick out a 14 yr old. You ground them. Take away her door, make her earn that back, take away her clothes and YOU pick what she wears, pick out 5 outfits for school and if you have her change when she gets home you pick out that too. Take away everything. Make her wear a clear backpack, stuff gets checked and I mean bedroom, bed, closet, bathroom, backpack, wherever she could hide stuff gets checked at random times. She wants her freedom she has to earn it back by showing you she is responsible. She wants to act like an adult well adults who break laws and rules get their things taken away when they go to jail. You let her know when she’s of legal age to buy them herself then that’s when she can smoke.
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When my parents told me not to do something I did it anyway (to make mom mad) she made me loose my soccer team, my job and took my horse and I didn’t care… my dad told me if I was gonna smoke that I could but I have to do chores to earn cigarettes, I could only do it at home and in the dinning room or porch. (They smoked) then my dad quit and he made it a point to sit there and stair at me… I quit.
She’s testing you. The question is: will you still protect me from harm, am I lovable…ami lovable even if I do bad things, prove to me I’m lovable, give me limits and excuses to stay safe.
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Well done on her for telling you she smokes for her to talk and trust you is a big thing. Dont give up on her, she’s your daughter! Take her phonw laptop etc away and punish her like a parent. Be there for her x
Sounds like you’re to eager to kick her out ,why?..I started smoking at 13 or14 wished I’d listen to my mom and dad BUT did not…They have to learn from thier own mistakes…This isnt the end of the world…try letting her smoke and maybe if it’s rebellious she will quit…I dunno sometimes things ain’t as fun if you’re allowed to do it…
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14… smoking? Have her smoke a whole pack all at one time. The tobacco should make her sick as a dog. Also, maybe vet her friends and their parents. You can’t just kick her out. Now is the time she needs to be lead by example. Not thrown into the streets. She is 14 for goodness sakes
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I started smoking when I was 14. It had nothing to do with stress or anxiety or being with the cool kids. I had watched people doing it and wanted to know what the big deal was. The more people preached to me about the bad side effects of smoking the more I would say I’m going to dye any ways. I never went without anything and always found a way to get them even being underage. I finally quit I’m in my thirties now and I’m going to tell you that even now the health effects are not what caused me to quit, I still believe nobody gets out alive, I quit because my child asked me to. He was concerned over my health and cried himself to sleep thinking that I was going to dye. Sometimes you just can’t change someone’s mind, sometimes you have to allow life to take it’s course. The more you push the more she will hide it. Put her in a situation where she can’t smoke or sneak out for one. Keep that situation up for months. Before she realizes it she won’t want one and won’t even realize she was forced to quit.
Kicking a 14 year old out for smoking does sound incredibly extreme to me. I also don’t think it’ll help the issue. Where do you expect a 14 year old that has just been kicked out to go? Because I can tell you one thing it’s not going to be to old lady sue who likes to knit down the road. Not to mention, it’s illegal for you to do so.
Lots of 14 year olds experiment with smoking, and friends who do drugs. Maybe offer some support and monitor who she spends time with?
You are giving her tough love a good parwnt
Shes 14. Put your foot down. She doesn’t leave the house without you and absolutely no contact with friends
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Take her to visit a detention center to see how it is there, have her see first hand what smoking and doing drugs do to your body . Take away her phone and other things that are fun to her put her butt on lock down
Really your going to kick her out at 14 really at 14 you still have control don’t let her go nowhere ground her take things away most people I know do this till there kid is 18 yes it hard raising teenagers is difficult but that’s what parents do
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Giving up on your daughter and kicking her out is not the answer.
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I was i kicked out at 16. I had no where to go. I had men trying to pick me up, offering to pay for me to stay somewhere . I ignored them. Most went away but one followed me, chased me all over folly, I just happen to see my friends car and she opened the door I got in. The man followed us forever . At the light he got out of his car went to his trunk pulled something out and came back to our car . We ran the red light to get away. All this happened within the first few hours of me being kicked out. Don’t do it! Let her come home. Put her in a program for at risk youth it something . Most cities offer. U need to call around get her in w a counselor. Don’t kick her out. It was 14 years ago when I was kicked out. Things r alot worse now w sex trafficking and drugs. She will get worse if u kick her out. She has no way to eat or a roof over her head . Some Men or women will prey on that.
Nope nope no way. Keep her home… switch to homeschool or switch schools. Cant kick her out she might take you up on it. But you can take away her freedom and associates… you could take everything away from her but she will still get it from friends… so give her a clean slate to make new friends. Regardless spend more time with her, little family dates… be more involved it will show her that you do this out of love not anger.
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She is not accepting your help 
I’m sorry your daughter is a reflection of discipline being nonexistent. My son did the same thing no lie I lost my shxt:grimacing:
but I had a conversation with him about how you can’t reach your full potential if you brain is not clear.made him stop hang with the kids(telling the kids if you want to ruin your life by all mean go ahead but stay the fuxk away from mine:rage:please and thank you) you have to make your presence known in their lives 
by kicking her out it’s show her your not willing to show her in which direction that will create a brighter future
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Take everything away!! My mom was so hard on me and my siblings. I hated it and her at times but i needed it! My 6 siblings she didn’t let up! Be strong, I couldn’t imagine I have 2 daughter 3years old and 6 months.
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My daughter did the same with cigarettes about the same age. She would take he friends in her room and they would smoke. This was before we found out how dangerous smoking is to our health. Everytime I walked up the hall I could hear them scatter so I was afraid she would hide the cigarette under her mattressand burn the house down so said if you want to smoke go ahead but do it in the lounge room. She started to smoke but her sisters laughed at her . I think she did it once and has never done it again. She’s now 43 and a non smoker…
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Keep her away from those “friends”
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I was about 14/15 when I first slowy started smoking (I now wish I didn’t).
I know this from experience I was a great person up till about 13/14 around that time I got sick of everyone telling me what I can and can’t do and the more my parents told me I can’t do anything the more I did what they told me not to do and because my parents kept telling me what I can and can’t do I ran away (I was 16 when I left).
All I can say is just be grateful that she has opened up to you. All you can do is get leaflets and find articles and brochures and that on how bad smoking is. She is a teen and you are not able to control what she can and can’t do because she will simply do what she wants. The more you push her not to do something the more she will do it. The most you can do is have a open conversation with her where you can both explain everything better to both understand each other
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She is 14. Legally you csn not kick her out.
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She’s a kid and you are the parent…now is not the time to turn your back on anyone you love. Especially a teenager who is going through so much at that age.
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What about therapy to see why she’s behaving this way ? When an animal is cornered and scared or hurting it lashes out right? Teenagers struggle. You can be firm and loving… Kicking her out will only show her she can’t trust anyone and secure more problems for her future …
Take her to visit some person ho has had surgery and had half of their face removed because of smoking or someone who has to talk through a hole in their throught or has to be hooked up to oxygen all the time and have them talk to her.
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As an adult that left home at 15 that is now a parent, please don’t do this! There are other ways but don’t turn your back on her! Guide her but don’t abandon her when she needs you the most!
We were in the same boat, kept her home, kept on taking her back and rescuing her and she never changed. Now a drug addict who has lost her two darling sons, won’t have any contact with us accept for the ocassions tirade of abuse. No matter what you do, with some offspring, you just can’t do the right thing and not all situations have a happy ending.
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Tell her she’s 14 then punish her like a 14 year old. Take away her electronics, and ground her from seeing her friends. If she sneaks out, call the cops on her and have them take her to juvenile detention
My mom had to home school my sister. It is what it is 
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Strictly speak to her imitating that cancer hole ladies voice. Jk most kids care about the environment these days explain how bad they are in those regards
Pack her bags and go where exactly!?! She is fourteen!!! So I piss mom off and she kicks me out… well guess who she’s most definitely turning to then!!!
Educate yourself on child development and you’ll notice that at this age, peers are the driving influence. She wants to fit in with her friends who are experimenting with things. Trying to force her to listen to you by implementing such harsh consequences is only going to result in disrespect and pulling even closer to friends and away from you.
Someone who loves their kid should NOT kick them out!!!
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That’s not even close to the answer. She’s 14 what do you expect her to do? Horrible things happen to homeless teenagers. Please rethink this.
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My mom found out I had smoked a cigarette at 13. I told her my friends did it and it was cool. She asked me to show her how cool I was and smoke an intire pack. I was sicker than a dog and never wanted to smoke again.
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She’s 14… you’re the adult. Rehab for the drugs? Ground her? Clean her room out and nail down the windows, put an alarm on all of the doors so she can’t sneak out? She won’t “accept help”? She’s 14!
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Send her to Catholic boarding school that will teach her
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Maybe punish her like a 14-year old & get her some help instead of threatening to throw her onto the street 
Guess what. You kick her out and she’s most likely going straight to those ‘friends’
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#momofteengirls she’s 14. She needs her guidance more than anything right now. Why would you kick her out of your house at that age?
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Keep in mind, YOU are the parent.
I use to be the same way, it eventually dragged onto weed, then escalated from there.
Anything my mom or any adult would tell me would go in one ear and out the other…
This went on for years, she eventually got fed up and layed down the rules, she even went as far as " you want to act like an adult then you’ll get treated like an Adult" so I had to pitch in and add to my responsibilities. I eventually got stubborn and played victim, soon moved in with my dad…his wife wasn’t having it, so I got booted to the street. Eventually everyone was done with my b.s and I had no Choice but to Keep my distance…that lead to me getting “taken” and sexually assaulted everyday for 6 months.
My family had no clue, they figured I was “living it up” with my stank attitude.
Once I was safe, I realized I had responsibilities…I no longer trusted anyone…I didn’t realize how expensive food, rent and bills were until it was my turn to grow up at 16.
It took me 2 years to finally admit I was in the wrong. I now talk to my family again, and we talk about the past and all I can say is…if I were my own daughter I’d discipline the hell out of me because the world has to put up with the person that YOU raised. I still apologize to my parents til this day for all the worry, heartache and disappointment I caused…when I knew better.
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I tried smoking when I was her age. My dad found out and made me take a dip of tobacco. Got so sick. Never smoked again.
“It seems the only way for her to learn is to deal with the consequences.” So you gonna wait 25 years for her to develop some smoking related cancer, just to say, “See? That’s what you get for not listening to your mother.”
No! You ARE the consequences! Kicking her out is a cop out. It teaches her that she gets to run off and play grown up for 3 days before whining to a friend’s mom about you so they will take her in for a week, and sort things out with you for her. It teaches her that when she puts up a fight, or things get hard, you bail. It teaches her that avoiding problems is better than confronting them.
You need to be the consequence! You take her phone. You take her money. You take her computer. You take her to and from school. You check her purse and pockets everyday. You go to school and check her locker if you have to, to look for evidence of smoking. You set up cameras at your house, and you make sure she can’t leave there without your permission. And every time she wants to break a rule, you take something else away. Then in the meantime, you educate her on the dangers of smoking. Punishment - you need to read 5 articles on the dangers of smoking, and write me an essay about it. Punishment - you need to find 5 friends who have lost a loved one to smoking or drugs, and interview them, and write an essay about what you learned. Reward, if you followed all these rules and weren’t caught doing anything bad for a week, you can have you phone back for a day. 2 days the week after. 3 days the week after that, etc.
YOU are in charge. YOU do what needs done to enforce the rules. Even if you have to hire a neighbor to drive her to and from school everyday just to make certain she has little time alone with her smoking friends, then that’s what you do. She’s your kid. You decide what she does with her time.
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Sounds like she needs an ass whooping and not aloud out of the house with friends…
Kicking out a 14 year old child is a good way to get yourself in some trouble for child abandonment and neglect. Sure its hard but no one said parenting was easy. She is your child. You need to find out what is going on and get it straightened out. Why does She feel She can behave that way? I’m not trying to be mean but some where along the Way you have failed her. NOW you need to pull up your big girl undies and deal with it. Don’t listen to people telling you to Stick her in foster care- That’ll make it worse. You need to be MOM! you need to work with her. She Shouldn’t feel like all She has are her friends. She Should want to Cometo you. Repair your relationship while you can