You as a parent need to provide unconditional love. You need to love her but that doesn’t mean loving the behavior. At her age, her mind is far from being fully developed and doing that also makes her a vulnerable prey to all the things in the world. What you’re doing is one of the worst things a parent can do. You don’t like what she’s doing so you’re basically going to make it possible for her to do it more and develop even worse habits because of the freedom
You’re allowing her. I would look into therapy for each of you and incentives for good behavior.
If you knew how fast a teen that ends up on the streets is snatched up into the silent crime of sex trafficking you would reconsider kicking her out.
Find counseling for her. She is crying out. Believe it or not she needs you desperately. You both could benefit from counseling. Mental health is just as important as physical health. There must be help in your area if you look. These teen years DO pass away… truly.
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Trying to make her do anything sometimes can make matters worse.
Teens have the mentality of I do what I want, (i was a teen once to)
Honestly , give her some good advice (whatever you feel suits your family)
try to spend more time with her… go out more. Be in the know, know where she is and who shes with, with out barging in on her personal space. Allow her to open up to you, with out forcing it. Unfortunately, somethings cant be prevented, but having that connection with your daughter will allow her to open up to you more. She will feel that she has soemone she can trust. It’s okay to be her friend to. This is crucial, don’t try to much to control. That will only make things worse,. Try to get her busy, get her into sports, whatever it is that interest her.
It is definitely wrong to kick your daughter to the curb at such a crucial time. It will only separate the two of you more and she will grow up to resent you.
The best you can do is to educate her on the facts, honestly. Teach her the dangers and why you don’t want her to smoke, and make it as hard as possible to get anything to smoke as well as punishing her how you see fit inside the home. Maybe make her wear a mask for extended periods of time even outside, and tell her shortness of breath and difficulty of breathing will be the norm of she continues on this path.
But for the love of God don’t turn your back on her, because you will regret it. And the worst part is that she won’t necessarily stop either, it just means she will be making terrible decisions without her parents to weigh in and educate her.
Shes 14, that’s a vulnerable age. Don’t throw her out. Atleast she told you about it. Just take her privileges and randomly drug test her.
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B4 u do anything, juz a reminder to yourself.
She is 14. Its her 1st time being 14. She is learning to be a 14yr old n You are learning to b her mum. Being a parent or kid is a “On the job learning” kinda thing. Don’t go down so hard on each other when things go wrong or not turn out as expected.
I started smoking at 14 due to the school friends i was around and even though i knew of friends older than me who done drugs i never touched them i knew what could happen even if u tried it for first time, my life was worth more than that to me, i didn’t leave home till i was 20, the more you stop someone though the more that person will want to do it … also dont throw her out some these situations get worse bcus of that and the girl will become vulnerable and could lead a nasty path as there are child groomers out there that would use her for money she so young she wouldn’t understand the danger shecwould b in so keep her home, let her do it around u so she feels u got trust.
When I was 16 I got pregnant. I was making bad decisions way before that and even more after. My mom moved to New York 3 months after I gave birth at 17. I was completely out of control and she was at a loss. I wish so bad my mom had not left. I wish she had made me stop going around the people that would ultimately lead to destruction. You are her mother, act like her mother. You can control her still whether you believe you can or not. You want to save your daughter? Remove her from the people that will lead her on the wrong path. That may mean you making sacrifices. You don’t ever give up on your child though.
Why is throwing your child out even the possibility of an option…she needs you now more than ever high school is scary. And the influences are overwhelming. Grounding is really the only sane option. Still might not work. And when she is 18 and still doing it you can give her the ultimatum to quit or leave.
You don’t give up on your child when they make poor choices, you parent them. She’s no longer allowed to hang out with those friends, has no access to money, no phone. Get strict, and keep her with you. Drug test her if necessary, get her counseling if necessary.
Telling a 14 year old that needs help to pack her bags is NOT the right way to go. Maybe there’s an underlying issue causing her to rebel. Get her help. Get her in therapy. Figure out the problem and find a solution. Abandoning and giving up on YOUR CHILD because she’s difficult is bs. Help that girl!
Sorry i know how trying it is to have a teenager but our kids are our responsiblity and kicking them out is def not the answer. Ive had very trying times with my boys but somehow we muddled our way through it and have come out the other side of it. They are all such amazing young men now. I wouldnt want my parent to give up on me.
First, praying for this situation!!! But she’s 14 so you can kinda control the situation. I would do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO PREVENT THIS. Even if it meant turning her into the cops. Your her parent DO NOT GIVE UP ON HER
Throwing her out will cause her to keep on doing more and more wrong…believe me I have seen it first hand. Destroy her life. Ground her, take her phone, ipad, etc. I would go as far as taking away any make-up, clothes you may feel inappropriate. Make her life a living hell until she realizes. Good luck!
As bad as smoking is she likely knows this, they teach it in school. To kick her out for it though is a really bad idea. Kids on the street end up doing all sorts of things including drugs
Sometimes letting them learn these things in their own is the lesson in itself. Parents are so quick to jump to punishment and freak out but the truth is, most kids are doing these things and the more you fight it, the more she will resist. Don’t make it taboo and try to understand that it’s just a phase. Trust your parenting, if you’ve given her a solid framework then she will return home. I did all these things at that age as well, and because I had parents that loved me, I turned out great and I dont even drink. I am college educated and a parent now too, to a 16 year old.
I’ve never made a big deal out of things and gave her the opportunity to make mistakes without judging as well as I could. My kid is a 4.0, top ten in her class with ivy league inspirations.
I’m not insinuating I got it right because lord knows every kid is different.
But sometimes being over bearing, only teaches them to be sneaky.
If you asked her to be smart about it and to call you if ever she got into a dangerous situation, tell her you love her no matter what but that you hope she would make better choices, but that your her mom regardless. Most likely it won’t be as exciting. Tell her to be safe and smart because you love her and don’t want anything to happen to her. Teach her what situations are dangerous, educate her, give her the tools she needs to navigate those situations and then trust your parenting. It goes such a long way!
I’d be grateful that she was honest enough to tell you.
Maybe in return show her some respect and patent her, don’t kick her out for smoking.
It would be a very sad day if she left and never returned over a pack of smokes.
The sad truth is, whether you kick her out or she leaves, you are still legally responsible for her needs. I would remove everything from her room stop her cell phone, computer, all electronics and social activities. She would have to earn everything back. Books, school, bed…thats it. No cash in her hands at all. I’d also advise calling authorities or counselors…
I started smoking at 14, god knows where I would be today if my parents kicked me out, and they were very strict. Today I am married with 3 children and gave up smoking about 16 years ago because my husband has asthma. There is alot worse she could be doing. Tell her you disapprove, dont give in and let her smoke around you.
I’m a mom of a 2 year old & another on the way. So I can’t say I know what it’s like to be in your position at all… but as someone who has made these same mistakes when I was that age… I’m so happy my parents didn’t do that to me. She is so young. To push her out into the world like that could do more damage than good. I’d definitely give counseling a good try. Not just one appointment. But several. Even if she doesn’t want to.
I was a drug addict for 15 years. I lost everything over and over again. I finally got clean and had the family I always wanted. Dreams come true! But you got to want it! Want it like nothing before! You can’t fail if your ready to stop and start living life! Beyond your wildest dreams they say!! Im living proof there is hope and help available. Hang in there! It gets better
She’s 14, we all experiment and test our boundaries when we become teens. Have a serious talk with her about the risks of becoming a smoker and let her thats its illegal. Buy drug tests and test her randomly once a week. Tell her if she fails she needs to see a substance abuse counselor, which is sometimes available in high schools. Don’t give up in your child. She’s still young and needs guidance. It’s all part of parenting. If you give up she’ll definitely go down the wrong path. Take away her electronics and make her stay home if she can’t follow rules.
First off, kicking out a 14 year old is nothing I’ve heard of before honestly. That’s not okay. That definitely isn’t supportive, and if my mom would’ve told me that, I would’ve got worse. But, all you can do is show what smoking does in the long run.
I started smoking at around 12 years old just because all my friends did, and quite when I was 22 but I never disrespected my parents by smoking in front of them. Got married had kids and when one of them tried smoking and I found out I stopped go giving them money and started writing a check and give that to them to pay for things that they needed eventually they gave in and said that they would stop but who knows sometimes you just have too trust them but never ever threatened to throw them out
She needs you now more than ever, she just doesn’t realize it. I know that it is hard, but if you give up on her, you will lose her. Fight through the hard times and show her that she is worth it!
Peer influence and pressure is real. Continue talking to her. Show and advise her to do her own research on smoking & drug use. Teen years is a trying time…where one starts finding themselves by exploring in and around their environment. Have patience and dont give up on her as it would move from bad to worse if you do. Dont give up mama 
# pray and continue chatting in a caring, loving and concerned manner
That’s a tough one. My instincts say that’s the wrong approach but I won’t know for sure what I would do until that time comes for me.
It’s easy to say what you would/ should do, but when it’s happening, that thought might cross ones mind. At 14 it would be very hard to kick my baby out. For any reason. Love is unconditional. The idea of, well let them fend for themselves may seem like the idea to open their eyes but that can back fire, majorly. Put them in more danger and/or hating you forever.
I don’t think kicking her out will help. And rehab will not help. If anything it will enable other habits if she doesn’t want to go and if it’s for just nicotine they won’t admit for that. You could try a counselor but that may have backlash too.
I started smoking and drugs when I was 13 years old , became a teen mother at 16 … honestly u should put her into a different school , and possibly monitor her phone/ social media, possibly counselling. she will be really pissed off at you but in the end she will understand why your making changes in her life .
You are responsible until she is 18. She could be just going through teenage, she does need to know there are rules in life now and for adulthood. We talked to the county child advocate when our daughter became deviant, they spoke to her explaining what we were required as parents, a bed to sleep and one meal ect… what the state required of her such as behavioral to going to school and that she could comply or the state would place her in the children detention center until 18. This changed her attitude and we didn’t allow friends. She graduated with college. She then chose to marry and 2 yrs in marriage was introduced to iv use by her husband and life has gone on. But she still has respect!
Been there myself at age 14 (I’m now age 39). I still smoke. My parents were to busy with work to really have time for me. I’d strongly suggest taking the “out with friends “ time away & spending quality (no phones/no tv) time with her. Just talking with no judgement. She’s obviously crying out for help & attention. Please be the non-judgement parent that just sits down & listens to what she has to says/feels she needs/missing. “I love you”, “I’m proud to be your mom/dad”, “I am listening to you”, “I don’t love your actions but that doesn’t mean that I hate you”, “I know this is a tough age” all goes a long way. 
Kicking a 14 yr old old is gonna send her down a bigger downward spiral. TRUST me. Could do what my mom did , she has to watch the doors at the school eachday to make sure she didn’t leave and she was grounded from going anywhere unless with a parent. Then she home schooled.
I started at 15. I snuck around to have one. One day my dad cought me and decided to sit down and show me pictures of what it can do not only to my lungs but my skin. Honestly that was enough for me. Sometimes scare tactics work.
I wouldnt kick her out per say. Does she have an aunt or uncle she can stay with? I was rebellious but I respected my aunt and my uncle. I lived with them monday through friday. My aunt was a teacher so she helped me and got me into reading. Kicking her out will give you the opposite of what you want.
It’s illegal to kick out your minor child in most states. So not only would you be breaking the law but you’d also be a terrible parent. Kicking her out isn’t the way to go. She needs help, there’s a reason she’s doing this. Maybe start with a behavior therapist.
Completely wrong. I was a complete handful as a teenage. The worst thing my mom could’ve done is kick me out and not show me love. All she said was I love you and I’m disappointed in you. She cried with me and assured me I could tell her anything. I had so much bad things at that time going on in my life and once I got it out of my system I became a responsible 18 year old and have never gone back to being wild.
Uhhh
I smoked cigarettes at 14 and being kicked out would have been a dream come true lol
Anyways, besides taking them away from me when they found them, my parents didn’t really do anything. The more they would have done, the more they would have been appealing to me. I grew up, learned the dangers of smoking and stopped on my own 
If the hospitals weren’t in lock downs I would tell you to go and visit cancer patients brighten their day and open her eyes
I’d tell her she’s 14 and no BBC smoking get rid of the shit friends I’d take the door off her bedroom strip the room down to a blanket and pillow if she wants the other stuff she has to work it off keep her busy get her a job at a horse stable pick up horse crap 
she has to have respect for others before anything else and if that doesn’t work you pick up the phone and call Dog the Bounty Hunter and you tell him you love your kid and she needs to be turned around .Dont give up on your kid kicking her out is to easy keep her butt busy with chores cleaning down load photos of smokers with no teeth a hole in there throat people with oxygen tanks do everything you can to save your kid and it none of that works call the cops 
Kick her out are you Serious??? She’d be grounded and things restricted. But i can’t believe you suggest kicking her out! Wonder if you’d the same if she we’re 10yrs old…
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I remember my father, when he found my brother smoking, he decided to roll out the cigars and made him sit outside and smoke them all (6 long cigars I might add) until he turned green, he didnt touch another cigar or cigarette until well into his later twenties, stopped him initially but, well the older he got the less he listened ,sadly died way too young. all turning her out will do is set her down a worse path. perhaps there is a councillor she can see, unfortunately because she is fourteen she can insist you do not attend but knowing this she may agree, good luck
That was me at 14, I got mixed up in the wrong group and couldn’t see right from wrong. My parents never kicked me out though. There were multiple conversations about it. I kept going down the wrong path until I, myself came to the realization that I was wrong and bored with what I was doing.
I know you are at the end of your rope but keep holding on. My parents did it for me. Continue to be on her and let her know that you love her no matter what.
Find that support group that will help both of you and your family. It only takes that one trigger before everything either goes to sweet or sour (hopefully for the better).
But I’m not going to lie. It’s going to take a journey to get there. Just keep your head up and don’t give up.
You can’t legally abandon your child or leave her homeless However you can take away any privileges she has, videogames, tv, cell phone, etc. Have her do endless chores like you do. No more of those so called friends she had either. Seek council and get her father involved. Good luck.
Could she change schools to get away from the friends that are influencing her? If she found a new crowd of friends that don’t smoke etc that might help? Just a thought.
Wallet. You are the wallet. She doesnt get any of the extras money buys if she continues. Clothes. Phone. Internet. She can live there but if she can afford smokes then she us “grown” enough to afford the rest. Dont give her to the streets or a worse fate awaits but dont enable it either. Also car and insurance if you are there.
My mom caught my brother smoking she made him sit down she opened up the tobacco part made him chew an swallow it then let him smoke the rest. He was sick and he never smoke another cigarette ever.
Out of all the things she could be doing, pot is literally the safest. It has many health benefits but you shouldn’t smoke until 25 because it effects your brain function.
Honestly, just keep showing your dislike for it but you can’t kick her out over it. Better she’s in a controlled environment with a responsible adult than just her friends. She’ll eventually quit. It’s not the end of the world I promise. Her safety is the number one thing you should be worried about. Kids will do what they want but you can protect them by being involved. Not doing it yourself but making sure she’s doing it safely.
Stop giving her money but absolutely dont throw her out! If smoking is the worst thing in the world WOW! I’m shocked a parent would kick a child out and have no watch on their childs safety! Smdh
SHE IS 14! Be her mother. Don’t run her off. Make her ass stay home. YOU are in control of her. Don’t let her control you or you will never get a hand on her. Having her pack her bags and leave at 14 is outrageous! Bust her little ass & let her know who’s boss. Me and you were both 14 once. If our parents told us to pack our bags and leave we would’ve left and done all the things they didn’t want us to do. Making her leave is not the answer at all!
You are the adult/parent and throwing her out would be the worst case. Talk with her doctor, a therapist. You can legally sign her up for help or like a 72 hour hold (at least here) not sure where you live. I am 36 and started at 12 but hid it from my parents for a few years. Absolutely hate it as I want to quit but it’s so darn hard. It was my go to when I was depressed, emotional ect. Something may be on her mind or bugging her to why she is rebelling.
Shes 14, they don’t use their brain at that age… ground her, take everything away that she has and values, phone, internet, TV… etc… she’s not going to listen but throwing her out won’t help only make it worse and she’s a minor…
Ok time to try reverse psychology and be calm about it. Say to her ok you want to smoke that’s fine but unfortunately if you want that responsibility you also want the responsibility of paying for everything that you want, like a phone (and payment of calls/plan), new clothes or shoes, have to chip in for internet or anything she wants. I’d only supply meals at home (No money for meals outside of the house) and clothes that I picked (make them so off trend she won’t want them). Take all the luxuries away including the trendy clothes and she has to buy them back from doing chores at home (work out a suitable rate for jobs at home) and buy her stuff back at full price, it will take a while but you might see the attitude change. Just plz keep loving her and don’t kick her out. It will get better but it won’t if you kick her out.
This is a tough one I found out the same my daughter was 17 she was gonna do it anyway I couldn’t stop it🥺 she is now 26 a good job and two beautiful kids, it will work out I allowed it at my house outside but if I walked out I wasn’t to see it and she abided. Her friends knew the rules and they were quite and respectful, sometimes they need that sometimes they need more help but never turn your back on a child that’s what breaks them
Have you taught her right and wrong and to respect you while she was growing up. If you did.not train her and she was left to do her own thing now you have a problem. Have you taken her to church? My girls grew up in the church. They both went astray but only for a short time when they realized they were doing.wrong. They are doing fine now.
Wait… am I reading this correct? You told her to pack her bags for smoking? Yea I wouldn’t personally take that route. She’s a child. This can only backfire on you.
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Its s good thing that shes told you that shes smoking. Perhaps, tell her not to do it around you? And that if she wants to smoke she needs to support her own habit because smokes are bloody expensive. However, Shes still young, shes at that age where shes still trying to find herself esp with the influences from her peers… She’ll hopefully learn right from wrong eventually… Dont push her away because of the smoking. She still needs you mama.
An idle mind is the devils workshop. Its going to take change on both of your parts. Get involved in the community. Help her find her place. Most importantly… show her you care and not with an iron fist. Listen to her to understand her. She will inadvertently tell you whats wrong. Figure out where this is all coming home. I would maybe suggest therapy for the both of you…
Makes me sad when parents think forcing teenage homelessness is a solution…
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Where in the hell is she supposed to go at 14? Seriously how will you feel when she’s 22 and has 3 kids and no job or education or drivers license because you gave up on her in the most important years of her life. Youre the parent and youre acting like a child yourself.
Whos the parent? Oh thats you…be one shes 14 she needs some old fashioned tough love…
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Well…I rebelled because my mom wasn’t much of a mom we were never close. We still aren’t close. I am super close to my daughter now. Nit friends but not enemies either. I never freak out when she comes to me and tells me about boys and being curious about stuff wondering things. If you freak out like my mom did it only draws a wedge. I talk with my daughter about all kinds of stuff. I dont supgar coat anyything with my kids. One days she is gay the next she is not. My reaction remains the same. She tells me everything and doesnt do anything crazy because I keep it real with my kids and also dont freak out. Talk with them let them know whats up but dont make thier ears bleed either. Stay casual about everything. Discipline accordingly. If you over react and over punish its not going to work out. Also not giving any reaction st all not good. Find a good balance and maintian a healthy relationship. Play family games go on hikes, watch her favorite movies and listen to thier music. Even if you dont like it. If you show respect for what they are init they will give you respect in return. They are people and not just kids. They are allowed to explore life. When else are they supposed to try shit put. Of she tells you shes smoking say oka cool try it out but dont get stuck on it smoking stinks and you end up leather faced.
I don’t think I would kick her out. Not unless there’s other things going on too. That seems a bit young to be getting kicked out. Is it possible to homeschool her? Take all privileges. No “friends”, no phone, no tv, no contact with bad influences. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But maybe try to avoid kicking her out. Hopefully this is just a phase that will pass quickly. Hugs, momma! 
My mum did this and it honestly made me rebel more. My kids know they can talk to me smoking or whatever it is and we will face it as a family through all struggles! Please don’t abandon your 14yr old CHILD!!! She needs you now and is just going through what we all do at that age
There is always the darker side ready to take them in. Hold tight and pray you can work on your relationship to bring you closer together.
My parents thanked me for my honesty and asked me to respect them and not smoke infront of them. We had talks and my mum said she would rather buy me something she knew wasnt off the street and dodgy. I never touched drugs or anything more than the cigarettes. Im now 26 and I dont smoke. Its definitely a phase and she feels like she fits in right now
You take charge. She’s 14 not 18. Completely take out everything in her room except clothes and bed. Only school and home. No allowance. Talk to the principal to make sure she’s not smoking at school. I’d also do a home drug test to make sure she’s not also doing drugs and not telling you
I don’t even legally think you can kick her out. You are still responsible for her as you should be! I understand your mad. Educate before you alienate her! What are the harms? What are the risks? Does she get good grades and go to school? What are her goals? Be a parent… no one said this was going to be easy!
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Therapy and drug counseling, report it to the police…don’t kick her out. She needs help especially this young. It’ll be a long recovery and seems like there’s no end in sight but do anything to save your baby girl!
What do you mean? You kicked your child out for smoking? You’re worried she’s going to do drugs because of her friends? Could be she needs a mother who realizes that at 14 she is going to be impressed by her friends and that having respect of her friends is very important, as long as she still has the friends she grew up then its all experimental, it is a bad habit to start and as a parent i agee she shouldn’t be smoking but its better to have her home safe with you then out on the street, hope you resolve this in a way beneficial to both of you
Show her the protocol for getting a lung transplant, it might help.
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I think it is wrong to tell your 14yr old to pack her bags. I do however think she needs to deal with the consequences. Stop letting her hangout with her friends. Take all privileges away until she can proves herself to you that she can show respect do whats right and earns the trust back.
If she wants to smoke let her carry on just don’t fund it or allow her to do it in your house you won’t be able to stop her if teenagers want to do something they will do it wether you approve or not they will just go behind your back but I would recommend talking to her about the dangers & risks although at her age I’m sure she already knows x
I started at 15… eventually quit. Have a college education, good job, own my own house, cars ect ect before the age of 30. She was honest with you. And to be honest with you, your a shitty mom for threatening to kick your young teenage daughter out. I believe that is both neglected and abuse🤷
Do not kick her out ever!!! Make her stay and deal with your consequences! Kicking her out only makes it worse!! Lock her down!! Take away phones, electronics, etc.! Leave her room with nothing but clothes a mattress and bedding absolutely nothing else! Strip away everything but her bed until she earns it all back!!
She’s still a child, be firm, give her chores to gain the pocket money, report your concerns to school, and supervise beyond, if she doesn’t abide by your rules then she’s not allowed out with offending friends, they are under age, what is their source? Also get extra curricular activities that allow positive social time, like first aid for teenagers “Cadets” St John’s, she will learn alot and have new interests which will help.
Good luck
My mom threw me out at 12 foe similar issues. I didn’t talk to her again til i was about 25. I no longer trust her. And our relationship is one of avoidance and being civil. We aren’t close. And i doubt we ever will be. Please just beware of how ego likes to sneak in .
Yes you took it so personal like the perfect parent with perfect kids wona be.Relax just get more close to her know more about her friends, ask her how she feels while doing so and so.What is she looking for being or seen cool maybe.What is she running from.
After you have understood just get her and her friends informed about the dangers involved.
But first,gain their trust.Don’t let all your unfulfilled dreams fall on your children’s shoulders… Where could a 14 year all go? Heal from your frustrations before imposing them on her.
Pack her bags at 14?!! Talk about a forever wound. This is wrong!! you must continue to try even though you’re not seeing the response you want from her. Don’t abandon her.
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I got caught at 15. My dad never told me I couldn’t smoke. Matter of fact he said let’s smoke one together. Then he proceeded to tell me I was holding it wrong, then started laughing at me cause I looked so funny holding it and said I just wasn’t doing it right he was rolling on the floor laughing. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know how and didn’t want my friends to think I wasnt doing it right or I looked funny…I never smoked again. Peer pressure is a terrible thing at that age. He know exactly what he was doing. Smart man my dad was! He knew if he told me no, I would argue and do it anyway.
Take everything phone etc cut it do not allow her to go anywhere… She might fight it but as an adult who’s mom kicked her out at 13 unless u want her to do drugs cause that’s what she will turn to…
First of all ultimate parenting fail is giving up on your child … secondly you may want to check your state regulations to make sure that kicking out your child is not the same as abandoning them because given the age and the state charges can and will be held against you if she is caught… also I really hope your soul is comfortable with this (and your daughter is only on like weed right hopefully) now cuz God forbid she pick up the harder stuff and she ends up overdosing and then you have to carry that burden on and no body want to bury a child.
Why don’t you instead help her get a job and be there for her? My son decided to hang out with the wrong kids. He even ran off. Fast forward time. He still has a poor attitude in a sense but he has grown up alot too. We have both been working at the same job for almost a year. He has been buying family meals and I even get a side hug on his terms of course. You have to learn to compromise your idea of nurturing her versus her ideal. My other teen, a daughter, decided one summer to have a boy over while I was at work without my consent. Fast forward time. Now instead of being “bored” shes the youngest of her friends to have a part time job and her own money and she buys meals for them. Both of my children are learning to provide for others and realize those they thought were “cool” are actually lame selfish people.
I guess my parents were different I grew up in the 80s when I was a teenager and my mom and dad told me if I was going to smoke I could sit there and do it right in front of them or if I wanted a drink I could just sit there and drink right in front of them and I was like forget it I never felt like I had to sneak ever behind my parents back for anyting my parents trusted me I was never one of those teenagers that felt like they had to do things and could not tell my parents what I was doing I know back then was a different time then the teenagers are living in right now I know smoking is bad for people but if they’re going to do it they are going to do it my parents never told me to leave or pack my bags I always felt safe knowing that no matter what I did my parents loved me and I always had a house to come home to
In my eyes she was comfortable enough and trusted you enough to open up to you and talk to you and now you just threw all that comfort and trust out the window. On another note if its weed then I wouldnt care as long as her grades are good, she is doing her chores around the house etc. if its cigarettes oh no. And drugs are a HUGE no. Throwing her out tho, come on talk to her try to get to the reason of why shes trying it, and doing it. You cant just give up on your daughter.
Be prepared to back up your threat. Then to loose her. BTW, you are responsible for her till 18. It’s child abuse or abandonment to kick her out at 14. Really?!? Check your reality and prioritize the way you are looking at it. Its cigarettes, not meth. Breathe and set a example not a wall.
As a recovering addict myself don’t just kick her to the curb. Please look up “rat park” it about how we thrive socially not alone. Please send her to a rehab facility for youth be involved shower with love not enabling. Don’t let her have any unsupervised time
I was like this when I was young. My mom kicked me out. I had no where to go so I stayed with a new boyfriend. He abused me and I have two children with him. My life is a nightmare. I can’t say that if I had just stopped smoking cigarettes, I would be able to stay at my childhood home. But I can say that kicking her out is NOT the right thing to do. Y’all to a therapist. Not a moms group.
Their more than likely stealing the cigarettes from somewhere. I started smoking back when I was her age. I wish I would have been shown the cost. I recommend getting her into something so she can hang out with a new crowd. Also make a wager with her. Tell her if she stops smoking you’ll do something special with her. Bonus points if she can get her current friends to stop you’ll throw in idk a girls day or something.
Don’t put her out unless she’s going to live with a family member who you believe can help her. My daughter hit a ruff patch her first year of middle school. Her grades went down, she was hanging with the wrong crowd while at school ,disrespectful etc …I sent her to live with her dad and she finished middle school with him. She’s back for high school and she’s a whole different child!
Have her volunteer some hours in a homeless shelter and tell her that’s where she’s headed if her lifestyle goes that way. Or where she can see it herself. Sitting in the parking lot at the local ER is liable to do the trick. Get some suggestions from your local DARE officers
You are a mom first and then a friend last you do what you need to do to keep her safety at what us moms do know matter if its wrong or rite its out of love she isn’t going to like it regardless
Wow because she smokes you’ve told her to pack her bags 
I’m so glad your not my mum I did a lot worse at 14 I’m so greatful my mum gave me love and support and didn’t turn her back on me like your doing to your daughter you should be ashamed of yourself what you should be doing is spending some quality time with her just you and her don’t just assume because her friends take drugs she does cause I can assure you it doesn’t always work that way
Hmm 
while since I came from a very strict home where we would get beat if we did anything that was considered “wrong to my parents “ we still rebelled against them and did party and sneak out a lot. I always wanted different for my kids. We have an open door policy here. I talked to them about sex, drugs and
Alcohol. I tell them what happens with each and the consequences that can come with each one. My oldest has had sips of alcohol in our home starting at 16. He has never had the desire to go out and party because he feels safer doing it here. He has tried the devil’s lettuce here. Not really into it and since he has seen what the harder drugs can do to you (his dad) used to be in them. He avoids those! Talk to her, explain things, let her know the consequences of things and how you feel about them. If all else fails raise you Chancla (don’t actually use it) that works for all 3 of my boys.
where do you live that a 14yr old can buy cigarettes? Where I live it is 21 and have to show id. I’m 32yrs old and still get carded. And if she wants to hangout with those friends it would be at your house under your supervision. If they want to go somewhere shopping etc. it would be with adult supervision but still give them their space, you be there but in the background we’re you still know what is going on. The random drug test is a good idea you can get them at most pharmacy’s. Show her what smoking can do to you…cancer, heart problems, lung issues etc. show her pictures of what could happen. Tell her if she wants respect then she needs to respect you. Take her door off the hinges. When she can respect you, you will respect her and put it back. Over all there is a reason for her actions you just have to find what it is. Most importantly don’t kick her out, you and her both will end up with more and worse problems then the ones you had to start with.
A child smoking may not be her trying to spite you, or be disrespectful to you. What other ways/behaviours has she shown you in being disrespectful, to lead you to this extreme a reaction?
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I know it’s not the way nowadays but when my mum caught me and my brothers smoking we got a good hiding from her and grounded and had our stuff taken from us for a while
Preaching and forbidding and threats you don’t follow through on will go on deaf ears. We were all teens once and we didn’t want to listen all the time because we “knew-it-all” 
It is difficult because we are in the middle of a pandemic but I would frankly want to bring her to a cancer unit or an addiction unit and really understand the consequences…perhaps even a juvenile officer at the local police station. They would be happy to sit and have a chat…not for her to get in trouble but rather have her SEE the potential path she is on.
Really you told her to packed her bags And told her to leave. Where the hell is a 14 year old gonna go. You kicked her out but I bet if you find her body in a ditch you would cry and wonder why … when she ends up prostituting bc she got nowhere to go what then ??? … She’s your fucking daughter for gods sake she’s 14 years old ground her take her phone away, no friends no going out no contact with the outside world for little while. You’re the money and you control her until you can
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Can you even legally kick out a 14 year old?? Wouldn’t that be considered neglect or abandonment? Pretty sure you’re responsible for your kid until they’re 18 unless you make other legal arrangements.
How bout talk to her bout why shes doing it. Get her respect… if you dont respect her she wont respect you. She is a human being