My 15-year-old got upset we do not have money for his allowance: Advice?

You took on a child to then charge them for gas?? Do you charge your other children for gas? Where do they get the money?

His allowance should’ve never come from the child support. That’s from you personally. The child support is for their necessities not the extras you add. Hopefully you’re never required to account where and what the support is spent on.

It’s time you sit down with all of your children and explain bills, wants VS needs, and adult things. Kiddo may feel that all of that support money is fun money for him. Versus money to feed, clothe and house him.

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Reading and understanding what you read is fundamental. Neither of their kids are getting allowance. And the $80 they get for him is used to care for him (minus the PlayStation subscription cuz that’s not a necessity). Food, soap, clothes, gas all that goes into taking care of him and $80 does not go a long way. Y’all saying he’s unloved or abused or that it’s his $80 don’t know anything about the world and how it works.

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Personally, I would treat all kids the same regardless of the cost, provided they all had equal chores and of course it fits my budget and also fits their age to responsibility level. If there were any complaints about chores among similar aged kids, the chores would be rotated, each taking turns for a the chore. After awhile, they will work it out among themselves which chore they prefer. It would be clear that all of the children learn the phrase, “there’s no such thing as a free lunch”. That would be expanded for them to understand to know you pay for the roof over their heads, pay for the electricity they use for their radio, phone, games, TVs, etc, pay for the food, pay for the water they use and so on. I would share the numbers comparatively so they could understand how little their allowance is in the scheme of things. Then I would explain most important in a household budget, Needs vs Wants and how Needs always take highest priority. Sometimes in life we have to make sacrifices of our wants just to make ends for the needs. They need to learn young because it’s teaching them financial responsibility. So back to this problem… if one is not getting an allowance, then all are not getting an allowance.

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You’re charging your minor child for gas and personal products? #shittyparenting

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In reality the child shouldn’t have even had knowledge of the child support. That is adult dealings and not the business of the children.
Chores are chores. Everyone pulls their own weight in a household.

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Your first mistake was paying them in the first place!

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Sit down with him and walk him though all your bills, including groceries and other essentials and be like this why we can’t afford your allowance right now. Try to help him understand the concept of money.

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He is 15!! First off you shouldn’t pay an allowance. They should do chores because that’s what you do to help out as a family. He is 15, if he wants money go get a job. If not, then you get no $. Why on earth would you even give each child $15??? For what?? Why don’t you teach them responsibility so they grow up to be good people and great husbands/wives instead of these poor ass “men” who were not taught how to be a real man. Open your eyes!!! You are the problem!

You could always suggest if he wants extra money to do things he could find a job instead or you could do the typical my joint rules so if you live here you are going to help out type of thing lol

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I can understand why think u should not have to…right out of the shoot u say u are not his parents. I assume to show how ungrateful he is since U took him in & after all, he is not your blood. How sad is that attitude? Did u watch Harry Potter or read it? Ya U sound like Harry’s uncle & aunt. Very sad. I want to know, do u have other child that are “blood related” to u?. (Your words not mine). As for chores, What & how much does he have to do? For those saying tell “U are part of my family” this does not mean the same to this child as after all, he “is not blood related”. & his “guardians” do not want to give out of their pockets for him, which frankly, I find deplorable…either he is your kid or he is not! I can only imagine how unkind he may be treated d/t your feelings towards him. Honestly, it is YOUR job to treat him like a son, I would hope U are treating him like u do your “blood” children. Listen, I raised my kids with step kids…neither I nor my husband NEVER treated any differently, never considered any of them “OUR” kids because both of us never would have thought nor called them “not blood related”. Being too harsh? Not less harsh than u!

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This post is a Bull Patty post, everywhere in country is hiring for every job! So if you are out of work it is your choice!

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Cancel his Playstation subscription and let him pay for it on his own with his allowance.

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Wowewwwwwwwwwwww. That poor kid deserves a loving home.

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First off, I’m so glad to see you refer to him as “my child”. I know some people focused on the biological aspect but it was important to understand the situation and why this kid might see himself differently and might feel the money as “his”. The answer here is simple. Child support is to be used for the child’s care. Clothes, food, doctors, and every other need from toothpaste to tp and it sounds like your making sure he is provided for. If your family is struggling it’s good to see your still making sure he can see friends. Your most certainly not getting rich off of 80 a month and living off of that amount but maybe you can make some offers such as, We can give you 10 but we won’t be able to run you around to go places. Explain how this hardship is temporary and you doing the best for your family as a whole and that includes him.

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he sounds entitled. i never received an allowance growing up. helping out with chores around the house is a contribution to the home and family.

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Take away literally everything except the bare necessities and tell him these are needs everything else he gets are wants.
Or give him the $15 and charge him room and board. Hopefully it clicks. Good luck.

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I think u should give him allowance it’s rude to give ur kids allowance and not him ur pretty much the only parent he knows and ur being rude af

He lives there too as a family we all pitch in and do chores. I’ve never paid mine to do chores unless it was something extra

Tell him to get a job

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Same treatment for all kids. It sounds like he’s the only one not getting an allowance? But he should not throw the child slavery threat at you. That deserves extra chores.

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We never paid our kids an allowance, they had to keep their rooms cleaned, help take out the trash and unload the dishwasher since we both worked full time, we did the cooking and laundry until they got older then they was in charge of their laundry as well.

What a horrible parent

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give that ungrateful child an itemized bill for rent, electricity for the power used for his play station and for laundry bill, and each meal that is prepared for him.

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My kids don’t get allowance but if there’s a chore that’s not normally thiers that might take longer or extra work to be done from the norm then they get a little bit. But I buy them stuff they want and take them places so they don’t really have a problem with it.

You treat him very different than your “biological” children and only give him extra stuff if his child support covers it?!?! He has been with you since before he was two?!?!
Wow. Just wow. Keeping tabs is fine if you do it for all!

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Simple, Don’t pay his subscription. Let him decide what he does with that money. More than likely he’ll use it to pay his subscription :woman_shrugging: badabing badaboom…

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Give him the $15 but charge him for food, electricity and all of the other things he takes for granted.

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He should be treated the same as the other kids. If you were planning on treating him differently you shouldn’t have taken on the role of his legal guardian.
None of my kids (mine, his, ours) get allowance…easy peasy.

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Treating your biological kids different is not ok! Literally you answered your own question. Child support amount is irrelevant… and charging gas to go to friends? This sounds just messed up altogether. Like stop it

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U pay ur kids for chores but not him is ignorance he deserves a better home than u

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Tell him No! and mean it.

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Lmao damn the entitlement…he has a rude awakening when he’s an adult…by the way she’s saying she can’t pay any of the kids. Not just him.

My kids are from ages 33 to 9 and I have never gave them allowance… House duties they do it on their own and I do not have to pay them…
My babies are so grateful food on the table light, water, roof over their head if they want something if I have the extra money I will buy it for them… Or they just have to wait for Christmas

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Give him the choice to get a job, 15 is old enough to start one part time

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Break down what is cost per month to maintain the ungrateful imp. You don’t OWE him an allowance. When times get tough EVERYONE SACRIFICES AND Pitches
IN.
STOP worrying about him being mad at you. He is a CHILD. YOU are the adult. You are NOT obligated to pay him an allowance.
He is completely Disrespectful!!
Start charging him his share of rent and utilities and food.

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Explain the severity of y’all situation and explain that right that 80.$ is to keep a roof over everyone’s head and food on the table. Tell him things will get better and thank for helping the family out

Well, he’s old enough to GET A JOB… So, there’s that!

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Tell him no? Lol He’s of age to start working so maybe suggest that.

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Give him his allowance, and then charge him for all the little stuff like his subscription and gas money for running him around.

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I’m not sure we all read the same thing, I don’t see where op states they treat the non bio child different. They are all not getting allowance it’s not just him :sweat_smile: but I agree with other posters give him a bill of all he uses and what the child support goes to or how Much he owes you and tell him if he wants money to get a job. At 15 some places already hire :woman_shrugging:t2:

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also, charge him for the mileage (taxi rates) to and from places you take him or tell him he has to walk. If he is so ungrateful and you have not adopted him, turn him over to child services. It looks like he will become a bigger problem as he gets older. He should appreciate the fact that someone cared enough to take him in

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Don’t worry about giving him money!
Start teaching him unselfishness,
Understanding, sharing and being
Part of a family. He needs it.

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I have a 15 yr old and I do not charge her for anything it shouldn’t matter if you get a little cash for child support that baby is your responsibility yes I get he has chores that he does not want to do every child is that way ground him like every other parent would do my kids have chores and yes they do get allowance to which they are entitled to purchase whatever they like but I don’t charge them for hygiene or gas when they want to so somewhere that’s just crazy it’s my responsibility to make sure my kids are clean and to make sure they have what they need to take care of themselves I would understand if the child was 17 or older but until then you shouldn’t charge anything

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In my opinion, children should’nt even know what child support is. You support him 100%. That little money you receive a month is to help you do just that. Support him! He doesnt get it! He doesn’t decide what it goes towards! It goes in your bank and you take care of him. Just as you care for your other kids.

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For the ones saying they treat him different, she said they aren’t paying THEM, as in all the children, allowance right now. Wow, just wow. How judgemental are yall? My children didn’t get an allowance as I was a single mother of three and couldn’t afford it. What they did get was to go do things with friends that occasionally cost money

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15 year Olds are capable of earning their own money I’ve had a job since I was 14. There are many programs to help kids that work

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Even if you get $ 80. a month tom help support him now days that wouldn’t even pay for the shoes kids want now days. Your having a rough time right now and he’s old enough to understand . Tell him if he wants money he will have to go mow lawn or something to make some money, or he’s going to have to wait like the rest your kids until you have money coming in .

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My opinion but I think all of this is weird. That money should go to you and he should be treated just like your other kids. If they’re not getting an allowance than neither should he, there’s other ways to make money. But I think it’s odd he even knows that you receive this money and the amount. And odd that you break down where it goes. And this is not the first time a parent has mentioned gas money for taking their kids places. Gas is high right now and I get it that times are tough but I just feel like driving your kids places comes with being a parent.

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HE likes to eat doesn’t he

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Illegal and child slavery??? :rofl::rofl::rofl: that’s funny. It’s called responsibility. I would just tel him to get over it :woman_shrugging:t3:

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That is really tough… my kids are upset from time to time about not getting allowance at all (I’m a single mom of 4 kids 16, 14, 11, and 9 years old… I’m permanently disabled and we’re on welfare, out of the 2 fathers 1 pays child support for 2 children)… I tell my kiddos that I provide everything they need and a lot of things they want, I don’t charge them $$ to live here, they’re all old enough to clean up after themselves and help out around the house, them doing chores is how they pay “rent” without having to be financially responsible, and that one day they’ll be responsible for all of the laundry and all of the cleaning by themselves so the few chores they have with help for now isn’t that bad and is more than fair considering… best of luck to you

Sorry he ungrateful he has food over his head food on the table and a place to sleep. He has more then alot of people have. I call it chores.

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After I stopped laughing hysterically, I would explain that everyone who is able, in a household or family, must contribute, if they’d like to continue enjoying: food, shelter, clean water, heat, etc etc. None of those things are free.

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Looks like he doesn’t need it back when y’all back to work. Chores teach responsibilities, life lessons for later in life

He honestly sounds entitled. He needs to work and understand life. He is 3 years short of becoming a man who will never leave your basement if you don’t get a grip on his thinking and get him to understand.

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Boy does he sound entitled. Give him the $80 and tell him to see if he can provide himself with a roof over his head, food, utilities… Tell him that’s what the support is for and you’re kind enough to supply that and allow him these other luxuries because that’s what real parents try to do. But when times are tough the wants are put aside and the needs are priority. Meaning does he need to eat for the week or want to play video games instead?

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where is everyone getting that the non-bio kid is the only one not getting an allowance? OP says more than once “we can’t afford to pay THEM THEIR allowance.” Not “HIM/ HIS allowance.”

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He can start a business mowing yards, cleaning yards, or helping around the neighborhood.

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First child support is to pay for food and extra items also so you make them other kids pay for their stuff if not that is a problem if you do then ok I would tell him he lives here everyone has to work together if her does not liked move

most of you are as bad as the OP & that’s SCARY :woozy_face:

Well if it were me I’d get a job and have my husband go back to work so I could maintain our kids lifestyle. Simple. I will never let my kids go without something they have grown up accustomed to in my household. Get a job and pay them their allowance. Tell them you will keep track of all the weeks you missed if you can afford that. But as far as him treating you like thT he’s being a spoiled brat kid because that’s who you’ve raised. See the correlation here?

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Tell
Him to go cut some yards

One teach him respect

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As a mother of 3 adopted children, your first sentence in your paragraph is very sad! “My 15 year old does not belong to me or my husband”. Well, actually, if you are his legal guardian and have been since he was 18 months old, yes, yes he DOES belong to you and your husband. He is YOUR CHILD regardless and YOUR responsibility. When you decided you wanted to take him in, he became yours. The way you worded this whole thing makes it seem like you do not consider him yours and like he’s just a giant brat or burden. You make your child buy his own HYGIENE products?? I could never speak of my children the way you are speaking of your son. My children do not get “allowances” for house chores. Everyone lives in the house and makes messes and everyone cleans them up. It’s a life skill. BUT when my children go out of their way to help someone or something that is not a “chore” they get rewarded. By a toy, family trip/ outing, money, ect. Seems like your son isn’t the only one that should sit back and think about some things.

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Explain to him he can either have the playstation subscription or the allowance :woman_shrugging: he technically is getting allowance unless you’re paying for them all to have a subscription which I could understand then why he’s upset

Make a list of the bills, food, gas,house, electric, gas etc. Treat him as an adult for a second and see if he catches on. If he throws a tantrum like a child at that point, ground his butt.

My husband and I have 6 kids ages 5-15, so I feel your pain with tight finances and the expectations/arguments from kids.

Allowance is not a thing in our home, and it won’t be because the kids don’t pay for anything. We pay for their needs, their activities, some of their “wants” when we can afford it, the birthday party gifts for their friends, etc. When they receive money as gifts they can use that for what they want.

One thing that’s helped a bit (for our older kids especially) is changing the word “chores” to “household responsibilities.” These are things that need to be done for our household to function at its best, and every member of our household is responsible to contribute. These are not paid jobs, not punishments, and certainly not the torture they might make it out to be. If the kids don’t help, it still needs to get done, and we’d have a lot more on our plate, which would then limit the extras we can do for them other than providing for their needs (activities, parties, transportation etc). Everyone doing their part provides the ALLOWANCE to do other things, in time and energy rather than dollars.

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I’d like my kid to say that to me just once. :joy:

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Also wrong to charge him gas to see his friends! Do you charge your children for gas. Ridiculous! :rage:

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This is BS if you cannot provide him then you should not be his guardian. 

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I will send his ungrateful self back to the system and see how he likes it .

Or give him the 80 and charge him for electricity , water and all the food he eat .
Parents are not obligated to give any allowance to their kids at all

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With all this being said, this young man will grow into a responsible individual. He’ll understand hard times and how to deal with life. And it certainly isn’t always a bed of roses. Life is hard and the sooner your son realizes that, the better. All things are for a season.

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What I find disgusting in this post is how you feel the need to single him out ad not being biological yours or your husband’s. That says all we need to know about how you view this child. Also why is that $80 being used to pay for his wants when I’m sure you pay for all your bio kids stuff no questions… what you really need to do is get a freaking job. Atleast one of you. There’s no reason not to…

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for one month give him his $80.00 and tell him this now you will pa room & board your food is x amount of money your laundry is x amount of money and your deoderant is x anount sit down and do the math you can not get a sleeping room for less then $300.a month so he is old enough to work and pay you slavery its more like favory yes sit down and do the math i comend you for giving him a home and love heshould be thankfull when we lived at home i paid my mother 10 a week that was big money in them days

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Why can’t he go get a job.

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Hes 15…he can get a job and imo you’re being nice paying for his playstation subscription with the child support. I’d change the wifi password if he doesn’t do his chores then he wouldn’t need the playstation subscription…

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I have 9 children and 6 are minor children still at home. All of the children help out with daily chores. Allowance is for extra things they do. Typically if they do a special job or help with my chores then I pay them for that chore. Example Mow the lawn for dad. The older children know how to make extra money by helping neighbors and friends. In this case, I must have missed something because I didn’t feel you were treating one different then the others. By the way all of mine are adopted :slightly_smiling_face:

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Please treat him the same as your biological children. This will set him up for failure in life. :heart:

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I would pay for his hygiene products and gas myself. I hope you make the other kids pay for that stuff bc if not then that poor child is having to grow up faster then he should be. He’s 15 and having to pay for your gas. My mother would never.

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Why do you refer to this child as )my) 15 year old and then separate yourself with details. He deserves to be a part of your family in every way…you have had him since 18 months old…you are all he knows… he shouldn’t even know about support from biological…charging a child is not teaching it is punishing for your responsibility…I would suggest helping him find a job for the summer…

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Simple, treat all the same. No allowance for one due to financial issues then no allowance for any.
I have three younger kiddos , my oldest is 26 and two grandkids, that live in my house. I dont have a job. I stay home to care for my kiddo with special needs and all the others. Two go to school, and three are homeschooled. Dad works and my oldest works. I give the kiddos money, or treats, little things when I can. They all do chores, they really never really ask for anything. So I do what I can when I can. They are all treated the same, they all understand.

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I feel like yall are trippin because you didn’t understand what she wrote.

My advice, for whatever its worth, would be to tell him it absolutely is not child labor or illegal to not pay them to do chores. Have proof if you think you’ll need it. He is being a brat and pushing boundaries. Push back.

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He’s old enough to get a job.

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We worked or got out butts whipped and never got an allowance!

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Tell him to take his $80 dlls and go live somewhere else. See if he don’t understand.

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anchoragechildrenshome.org

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His feelings are completely valid, he expected to get paid for what he was doing and he did’nt I understand… but the reality of it is is you can’t afford it and being paid for chores is a privilege not a right… I would try to comfort him through it and explain the truth to him, him not being biologically yours or whatever you get in child support shouldn’t have anything to do with it as I’m sure all of your kids are a little upset about it but may have expressed differently.

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He should not be treated differently from your other kids. That’s so wrong. You took him in at 18 months to raise him.

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Lmao.
I use to clean the whole house at that age. Mom worked. Dad worked. House had to get clean🤷.
I didn’t get paid tho.
I lived there, so I helped maintain it🤷.
I can’t wait til my son is a teen.
Altho as caring as he is, I don’t think he’ll try anything like this.
But if he do, he ain’t gonna like my response.
He’d get his allowance.
But he wouldn’t get dinner cooked…I only have to provide the food,not cook it, for my dependants.
His laundry wouldn’t be washed…I only have to provide clothes, not wash them.
He wouldn’t be getting rides anywhere…there’s public transit.
I wouldn’t be buying the food he likes…cuz food is food my dear, and as long as I provide food…my job is done there.
I mean…we can play that game lol I’m gooooooooood at it.

Cuz here’s the thing. Mine helps clean the house and does anything I ask him to do. He doesn’t get an allowance for that.(altho he does get spending money, so he can learn money management and budgeting)…
Cuz rule around here is…you live here? Then you help maintain it🤷. It’s really that simple.
Don’t wanna help? Then you don’t get to use the towels I washed…or the dishes I cleaned…it’s that simple…lol
My son didn’t get his spending money this month, cuz we did a trip that put us tight.
He’s cool with it. Just asked, we told him the truth, things tight and we’d get him next month, and he was just like okay!:person_shrugging:lol
Buuuuuuuut…he knows what it costs to run life, and budgeting. So he already understands that any bonuses we get for him every month are spent THEN some lol so he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if he tried that one.

Cuz $80/mth child support…and he expects that to be his!bahahahahahaha
Nooooo that’s meant to help take care of the child that you’re now responsible for providing for.
Imma bet he eats more then his child support…in a week…and he thinks it’s his… bahahahahaha

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Do they do their own laundry? Cook their own meals? Clean their own bathroom? Tell him what you’re going to change them if you have to start doing those things. Tell them that you no longer have the money or the energy to take them anywhere because you will have to take over their chores. Tell them that if it’s one, it’s all because you’re a family. He sounds like an entitled brat and you need to change his attitude

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In order for a family to live together everyone needs to contribute in all the ways they are able.

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You should of gone back to court and had the child support raised years ago. Do it now, check into public assistance.

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Jesus christ I hope half of you in this comment section NEVER adopt or take in children :woman_facepalming:

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I would just tell him look, there are many kids that pick up after themselves for free. You kids are blessed that you get an allowance at all, so be grateful. This is how it has to be for right now, but if the disrespectful behavior continues it will be permanent.

Maybe cut back on the allowance you give your kids to $10 a week so the 15 year old you’ve been raising for almost 14 years doesn’t feel left out? If you can’t afford it for all of them then take it away. I hate that for this child because it’s obvious you treat him differently.

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You need to sit down and explain the cost of his room, his food etc. Doing chores is payment for living in the house. Everyone must do there share.

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I would show him documentaries about child labor and slavery to educate him on what that really means. Hopefully he will be more sensitive to making accusations like that. I never had an allowance and my parents could afford it. Maybe explain some kids don’t get allowances at all and completing chores around the house shows your appreciation for having a roof over your head.

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So ya had to add that he’s not mine in there because why??

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I am on your side. That measly $80.00 does not even come close to cover what you’ve provided for him through the years. Only do what you can do.

So much wrong with your comments…

Why is he not being treated AS YOUR OWN??? YOU refer to him as not yours… I’m sure he feels that from you… and his NEEDS, like hygiene products you allocate from the child support you receive instead of just buying what he needs from your own money like a real parent does?

You’re right that $80 a month isn’t a lot… but that’s an issue for YOU to deal with, NOT a child. How would you feel if your other children were treated this way???

The “parents” are the issue here, not him. He’s a 15 year old kid. Who, by the sounds of it, has been taught that he isn’t worth as much as the other kids in the house, and that somehow he is his own responsibility. He shouldn’t even know about child support… smh. Get jobs and take care of your children…

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