Gotta agree with everyone else “ya’lls got issues”. But my parents some what raised me like that and im just saying from personal experience im surprised ur daughter has not ran away already. Cause I did 3-4 times between 12-17
You’re her mother and she can’t count on you to protect her, maybe she will complain to someone that will soon smdh
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Expect those kids to leave and some of them have little to do with you.
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Not to be rude but the statement that you have not had to do very much in several years concerns me. Though it is very important to establish responsibility in a home with children and give chores, I find it disrespectful that you don’t practice what you preach. I have a large list for my son but my list is double his and I work full time. I want him to see us as a team. If he is constantly belittling your children over their performance, then it is abusive. Maybe look at who is better at certain things and readjust the chores. Example if one kid is better and “meets expectations” at wiping counters, have that child always do it. I would hate to hear how it goes in your home when your kids leave. Will the chores all be on you? I don’t mean that in a negative way, I’m seriously curious how you’re going to handle chores when the last one leaves the nest.
Simple don’t have kids if you want them to be slaves, or they’re cussed out… your kids are going to be miserable… I’m still in shock how you think $80 A MONTH for them is worth the abuse and toxic environment they are in… grow a back bone and tell your husband to stop abusing your kids…
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My former boss and his wife were very into organizing and keeping things clutter-free. When my kids were in their teens and the fights were starting about cleaning their rooms, I asked him what he did with his sons. He told me that their messy rooms drove them crazy until he found a very simple and effective solution so it didn’t drive him crazy any more. Of course, waited with anticipation for the solution to my woes. Then he said…‘close their doors and you won’t know they are a mess!’ Not really the advice I wanted, but it does work!
I understand you both work full time but they are your kids, not your slaves. Does the 20 year old work full time as well? And the younger ones go to school all day then have to come home and do chores as well as homework? How do you expect them to keep up with that and not burn out? Your husband sounds like an absolutely jerk and will eventually push your kids out of your life. You may be trying to teach them to look after themselves but all you are going to do is force them out and they won’t want anything to do with you. Who’s going to do all the cooking and cleaning when they leave? It will be you… your husband won’t do it. Good luck.
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Nothing wrong with having chores to teach responsibility. But, yall are going way too far. They are your children! Let them be children! They will have their own home to take care of one day. You should take care of yours! I feel sorry for your kids.
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I understand chores, discipline and having responsibility but they’re you’re children. It’s 2021 not 1821 they are not slaves.
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Probably not the responses the op was looking for 
It’s not wrong to expect your offspring to know how to cook, clean, wash laundry etc…but to expect them to do it for everyone in the home or face verbal abuse. Name calling? Lazy??? Do ya’ll sit and watch them do these chores? Come on now 
Hug those babies now…cuz once they’re gone they’re gone… probably sooner rather than later.
Sad times when we excuse verbal abuse because of nice vacations and cell phones.
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You do laundry and some meals… Are you serious!!
Kids shouldn’t be used to do all yours and your husband’s housework.
Do they have sports or jobs of their own??
My teens chores are. Keep their rooms clean, take turns in doing dishwasher and once a week alternate cleaning their toilet and bath room.
We also hire a cleaning for 2hrs per fortnight to do bathrooms as that’s my things I really dislike.
So you have servants not kids.
You should be ashamed of yourselves
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I think family counseling is in order. Children should help out & learn responsibility but the verbal criticism needs to stop. A good counselor would be able to help your family.
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What I got from this post was, you put some flowery details around the fact that you treat your children like slaves.
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Sounds like abuse to me. Cherish your children now because once they are of age, they won’t be around. I wouldn’t. If your kids have to clean so you don’t have to, you probably shouldn’t have had kids to begin with. Poor babies.
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Sounds like abuse to me
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Would love to comment but not worth it, read what you have written and wake up, kids need to be kids not slaves, chores in moderation,
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This right here is the reason kids move out young and run away. While yes the kids should have chores. But why shouldn’t you and your abusive husband have any.
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This behavior is disgusting, and your daughter isn’t wrong it is abuse! Children are not servants, yes responsibility is good to teach them but this is to the extreme!
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You described an unpaid internship wrong. They are your children and that is abuse. You lost this one lady. Your husband sounds like a dictator rather than a husband or father.
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Sounds more like you have slaves than you do kids. It’s good for kids to have chores to teach responsibility but not too do everything so that you do nothing. That’s unfair for you to have them clean up your messes. Kids need to be kids it sounds like they’re not having any time to enjoy their childhood.
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So I think you and your husband expect too much . Like okay chores hell ya I support them but it seems like you raised them to be your slaves . If I was your kid I’d express that too . I don’t tolerate yelling if it’s not needed .
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So my take away is you and your husband don’t have to do anything in terms of upkeep of the house because you have jobs. Oh you keep up the laundry and cook “some” meals. so why is it that your daughter has a job but is not afforded that same luxury. You want your working child to do chores and I expect do well in school, she is still in school at 15, are you still in school? She is doing more than you thus the resistance. ease up these are your children not your housekeepers. I won’t even get into they way they are disiplined, it is not right
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This makes me feel sick reading this.
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I’m sure people will come for me but idc. Y’all sound like the assholes. Especially dad. Sounds like you make the kids do EVERYTHING in the house. You said yourself y’all barely have to upkeep the house. Sounds like (to me) your kids are slaves and they’re sick of it. Did you have kids solely so you wouldnt have to clean your own house? Before anyone comes for me… I am all for chores and teaching responsibility. But when you say y’all have barely had to do anything for upkeep, to me it sounds like your kids are slaves in their own homes. Raise your kids and pitch in around your own house. Tell dad to get off his ass and clean something if he wants it done his way.
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Youte going to loose your children if youre to hard on them … when they go they be gone
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I’ve even re read this multiple times to try and see your side… I don’t. You and dad both sound lazy to me. “we don’t like a messy home, so my husband and I expect the cleaning to be done each day” so do it then! Sure have them pitch in. But to have them cleaning a whole house every day and probably cooking, on top of school and studies, wtf are you and dad doing besides sitting on your ass at night and (possibly) working throughout the day
Holy shit. What a toxic environment. Those poor kids.
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You and your husband are control freaks, it sounds like a military camp your running to me. Jesus christ kids are only kids for a short time, let them be children and enjoy the few years they have without having to worry about adult stuff, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if your children run away from home, ye are not parents ye are bullies.
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So you had kids so you don’t have to do anything…
Wow …I hope they leave him to be old and lonely…
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He calls them names and neither of you see that as an issue? Who the hell do you think you two are? Home should be a place where your kids feel safe in a world that is hard enough. You don’t need to be your children’s first bullies but here we are.
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This just makes me sick. Each one of those kids is gonna move out and say “fuck this I just spent my whole life cleaning, and working my ass off, I’m done”
I have 5 kids and work full time I do expect them to help out but I do not expect them to take care of the whole house hold if I wanted that I would hire a cleaning lady. They have responsibility but I do want them to be kids also.
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Glad ya weren’t my parents 
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Someone needs to investigate this situation ASAP! This is so very sad!
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Don’t be surprised when they get old enough to leave that they never come back. Hopefully they are able to look back at their upbringing and know they would never want their children to feel the way y’all make them feel. Instead of picking up on the shit parenting traits. You and your husband need therapist
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This is crappy. Parents sit around all night while kids do everything. That is horrible. I wouldn’t want to live like that. And yes OP your husband is abusive.
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I grew up that way as well I hated my mother still do I have no problem keeping things done at my house but my mo didn’t do anything but scream and holler at is kids she even beat us with anything in hands reach I’m so sorry for these children having to go threw this
These poor kids 
What a toxic and horrible environment. I grew up with a Dad like this and have done 13 years of therapy and counting to undo the damage he has done. It ruined my relationship with him for life. Please stop him before it’s too late.
My bet is that they would welcome and thank you to let them know you DO appreciate their work as much as the $80!
You are damaging them!
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Chores yes. Discipline Yes. They are not house cleaners, they are your children. Full time workers or not, this is appalling parenting… Sounds like your children live like they are in the Army… Show warmth and love, your husband is being abusive, way over the top. Hire a fking cleaner…
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Well that knocks off majority of the housework… what exactly do you and your husband do? Personally I feel you chose to have children you also choose the extra cleaning.
I’m all for kids pitching in helping out with dishes as long as their homework comes first…
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Wow that is definitely abuse.and it’s not ok. Yes it’s good for kids to have chores but you are expecting them to do everything for you and then he calls them names. You guys are the lazy selfish pricks. Grow the fuck up and be a parent…lead by example. Wow. Just wow 
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All I can say is good luck having adult relationships with your children. And wonder what coping mechanisms your children will use as they get older. So so sad. You & your husband are supposed to love your children unconditionally; what you both are doing isn’t love. And why not teach your children it’s fine to do things differently?! It’s not your way or the highway.
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Y’all dont deserve to have kids! Believe me. They will grow up to not care about you and will stay away. You wont know your grandchildren. But that’s probably a good thing. I would never allow you around if you were my parents. And I am 62… y’all are worthless!!
Wrong wrong wrong. Verbal and mental abuse is just as bad as physical
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It isn’t appropriate to call them names or scream at them…it is appropriate to state displeasure and explain why……easier said than done…don’t let him squash their spirits
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You both are damaging them. Yeah she is being abused.
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Ugh sounds like you had kids to be your slaves
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Family violence at its worst… this is called coercive controll … you and your husband are the perpetrators and your children are the victim survivors…
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Let the house get filthy it will drive them insane and they will clean it themselves. Better yet if you live by a dilapidated area, do a drive by and show them what not caring looks like. We just did this today driving through Detroit. Not caring becomes a way of life and it has consequences
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This is absolutely ridiculous they are your children not your slaves. You both should be ashamed of your selves some people should never have children your one of them.
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I understand the teaching of responsibilities but y’all are mentally & emotionally abusing y’all’s children!!! They are children want you house spotless then do it yourself or hire a damn maid this is just totally sickening those kids are gonna be out the day they are old enough to get the hell away from you to y’all are destroying those kids before they can even get out on their own!!! Smh some people shouldn’t be able to have kids!!!
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Your 15 year old is expressing how you are allowing her to be abused and you’re justifying it by saying she gets paid $80 a month to cop the abuse?? You and your husband are Lazy. You don’t have children so they can be house keepers. Yes chores are a good way to prepare your children for their own homes. But not absolutely everything every day. That is ridiculous. And your children are going to resent you and I doubt you’ll have a good relationship with them when they’re finally able to move out! Stand up for your babies! This is disgusting. Your poor kids.
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This is completely disgusting behavior for a parent. Mental and verbal abuse is wrong. And its not the childrens job to keep the house sparkling and shiny. Their job is homework and to be a child. The strict control of children is usually why children “act out” because they have no control of their own lives. As a kid the more strict my parents got the worse i reacted. Once they figured that out they chose a softer approach and I also calmed down. Every kid is different on how they learn and behave. Figure that shit out before you completely screw them up mentally and emotionally.
Let kids be kids they are not slaves, and no one would put up with that for 80 dollars a month
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I feel bad for these kids. THEY ARE CHILDREN. I’m all for chores and teaching them to live clean however this is just awful. Let loose and make happy memories with your children while they still have to have something to do with you because seems like when they get the choice they are aiming straight for the road .
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So you basically had kids to have them be your personal maids? Boy, my family had its issues, like all of them, but how lucky am I to not have been your daughter… You are teaching them responsability and discipline this way? Seems to me you are only teaching them that when they are adults they will have their own kids to clean after them. Absolutely ridiculous.
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You cook some meals ?? Who cooks the rest of them?? Honestly your house sounds like a nightmare. I’d be using my 80$ to check into a hotel for a night to get away from ya!
Are you for real I’m a mother of 7 children who are fed dressed and looked after every single day i have worked 2 jobs at a time and still managed to cook and clean for my husband and children my husband has worked in his own job done hoovering and washing ironing and cooking including Sunday roasts and still managed to take our kids to soccer practice or matches
What you’re doing is cheap child labour and is illegal
Children need a proper childhood you both should be totally ashamed of yourselves evil 
comes to mind
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I’d say your husband is over the line when he yells at kids, calls them names and is too demanding about perfection. Maybe your kids think you should stand up for them a bit more when he is really acting badly. I would. My kids did chores as well when I worked full time and I gave them an allowance weekly, think it was $10 each. One did dishes and one vacuumed.
As long as they did an acceptable job I didn’t expect them to be perfect.
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Your 15 year old is right. Dad is abusing them, verbally and emotionally. Calling them names is 100% unacceptable- as a mom, you are failing them for not intervening.
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I think if you disagree you should voice it and stop being submissive to him hence teaching that type of role to your daughters It’s a vicious cycle. You’re allowing your husband to treat your kids as subservients and as such affecting their self esteem and showing them that nothing they do is right. There is nothing wrong with teaching them to be responsible and hard working. There is however, something terribly wrong in the manner in which you teach it. You don’t belittle them You uplift them! Focus on the success rather than the failures. Maybe they didn’t wash the counter after doing the dishes but they did a good job washing the dishes …say it in such a way that doesn’t make them walk away feeling like they can’t do anything right! ( which is exactly what you’re doing or allowing your husband to do. You’re just as culpable for allowing it especially when you don’t agree and still do nothing) You could say “Jane, I noticed you forgot to wash the counter off after doing the dishes. Please remember next time or I will have to doc ur allowance. I was however, very pleased with how clean the dishes were! Thank you” There is nothing demeaning and the child walks away feeling they did a good job and will try to remember not to forget the counter next time. Kids are kids and have their days just like adults do but different. They haven’t made it to “Adult Level” days yet so everything is “the end of the world” kinda dramatic. Sounds like you as parents don’t want to put “in the work” to be decent parents but expect them to work for you . Kudos to your daughter for sticking up for herself. Sometimes the truth hurts Sounds like mutiny is in the near future and if you value having any kind of relationship with your children as adults you both better change your methods and fast! It’s all IN THE PRESENTATION!! and it’s universal in all languages and ages. Parenting classes would be a great start I think it’s a helpful tool for any parent.
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You need to talk to your husband to be more respectful when correcting their efforts. You pay them but they surely would appreciate sincere verbal praise for their accomplishments.
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As a teenager my parents never FORCED me to clean the house I chose to because I don’t want to live in a house like that you are in fact choosing to allow your husband to abuse your kids for their “shortcomings”. They are never going to do things exactly the way you want them and that is the exact reason as a 20 year old woman and 18 year old male my brother and I choose to ignore our father and prefer our step father. You brought these children in this world it’s not their job to clean up after you maybe you should have gotten a kitten and learned how to properly raise an animal that will give you backlash as children always will when you decide they’re a slave.
So, what do u do as a parent??? I have 2 kids and we also work full time, but I will never abuse my kids over some damn chores. Somebody needs to notify CPS, something is not right in this household.
You are belittling them, anything they do goes without praise and their self esteem will become non existent. Lighten up a little and help them finish off the jobs with them how you want it done…they will appreciate you and spending time together whilst learning how you want things done. Develop happy postive memories that are disguised as lessons. 
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The relationship is being sacrificed for the sake of things that aren’t going to matter. Yes kids can learn responsibility, and there needs to be some flexibility and not expect perfection but be ok with ‘good enough’. The things they’re provided (phones, money, family trips) don’t make up for any lack of relationship. The name calling is not ok. If the daughter is working, maybe her chores get reduced along with the amount of money she earns since she’ll do fewer chores? Dads desire for perfection may be something for him to explore with a therapist, and possibly get some help from a family therapist.
So let me get this straight. YOUR children do so many chores that basically you and your husband don’t have to lift a finger?! And you cook for your children SOMETIMES?! But are you teaching them respect? You allow your husband to belittle your children. And you wonder why your daughter is acting out? You are the parents! They should be in after school programs, hanging out with their friends, some chores! Not all. And shame on your husband! And shame on you for not having a voice. I see how you’re attempting to down play his awful behavior.
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I get having chores, but your kids aren’t your slaves. Just because you have a full time job doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have to do anything. And letting their father take his anger out on them is mentally abusing them, take it from someone who had a parent do that to them for 19 years, it messes you up. Your 15 year old is right for speaking up about how she feels 
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What a sensible 15yr old…spot on!! Chores & discipline are fine…its the extent of their unending list of chores, the yelling & the name calling that is abuse. Poor kids, they’ll all be adversely affected mentally 
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Theres something wrong with these parents or this letter is a joke.
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Chantelle Marie have a read of this monstrosity of parents.
Talk about child slavery
Sounds like child abuse to me, lighten up folks and don’t forget to let your kids be kids. They only get one childhood. Don’t let them spend their whole adulthood hating you or in therapy for what you did to them in their childhood!
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Sedgie Tierney Samantha Lyell PTSD
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Appears you produced 4 children to take over the parental role of keeping house. This type of cleaning is not chores its slavery.
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They are kids not slaves lmao
They only get to be kids once .
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You are extremely toxic. They are your children, not your slaves for christs sake. Did you give birth to have house keepers or to nurture these humans? You can teach them to be responsible without abusing them, which you both are. Your poor children. I hope they cut you off someday
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Too strict can lead to rebellion, drug abuse, running away, ect ect … sounds more like boot camp than home.there needs to be a balance of rules and freedom.
Please don’t take this the wrong way as I am not saying this rudely just giving my outlook is all
Life is going to suck for y’all when y’all don’t have them to push around anymore
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Your house sounds like a prison!!! My kids do chores and if there not up to my standards I will do them myself . I’m a single mom and work full time. Your abusing Your children and letting them be abused. Your 15 yr old is right. Just because you work doesn’t mean you can’t clean. You sound fkn selfish and your husband sounds like a fkn asshole. Let them be kids NOT your personal slave.
If your 15 year not happy doing her chores don’t pay her the $80 dollars ,let her keep what she earns at her job only
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My Grandpop and then my Mums advice when I became a Mum was that helping with some chores is great but once kids are adults they have the rest of their lives to cook and clean every single day!! How true was that 
First of all, while I agree children should help keep the house tidy, that’s a parents responsibility as well. You may work but those children go to school and need to focus on studying… it should be a team effort with everyone involved in cleaning the house.
If you don’t clean and keep the house tidy because you “work” why would you expect them to do it and keep up their grades in school? I agree their rooms and such should be there responsibility but not every aspect of the house… be a parent and stop allowing your husband to use them as a verbal punching bag!
These are children, with feeling and opinions… don’t treat them like they’re robot… even adults aren’t perfect… cut them some slack
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Is this woman (and husband) for real??
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Those kids lives sound like a f****** nightmare
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Why did you have kids? They arent your personal slaves…
You are the ones responsible for the cleaning of the house.
Being overly
strict and dictatorial will drive a wedge between you and your kids.
Sounds like an abusive environment… may not be physical, but sounds psychological abuse. Your husband needs to actually parent and stop controlling with fear…
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This IS abuse. My parents did this exact same thing with my sisters and I growing up. Yelling becomes throwing things…then becomes hitting.
My older sister carried it on and abused her children. My younger sister decided not to have children. And I still as a successful adult have not forgotten or forgiven my parents for this abusive behavior.
Can I please borrow ur kids
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As the Mother of 4 Children it is HER job to raise her children and keep house. It is that simple how can she expect to raise responsible children when she doesn’t do her job?
I worked
Homeschooled 6 years
Took my kids to do volunteer work and to do the things they enjoyed on a schedule every day
Raised 6 Successful Career Minded children all Professionals with College Degrees or Training for a skill such as Pilot and Equine Specialist
6 of them
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Let your kids be kids. They shouldn’t be doing ALL of your work. You’re damaging your relationship with each one of them and the one that’s speaking out is trying to do just that, she isn’t complaining she wants you to listen.
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Pay a cleaner!! Yes kids need to do chores, but at the end of the day they r kids, they get things wrong, they make mess. Sounds like u think cause u and your hubby work full-time you expect them to upkeep the house. Don’t forget they go to school all day!
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Clean your own damn house your children aren’t your slaves and your husband sounds horrible. Watch your kids rebel this and see how messy their house will be as an adult. Your not helping.
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If theyre doing all the chores every day as well as schooling and whatever homework they may have when do they have time to be kids?..
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Your children didn’t asked to be here you had them, ya ya teach your kids responsibilities, keep their room clean put your dishes away and make your own after school snack etc, but their job should be school/homework, kids need to play and have a social life. Your home should be a sanctuary not a prison.
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I’m sorry but if you let your husband call them names and speak to them like pieces of shit, he’s abusing them.
Why does everything think abuse has to just be physical? Emotional abuse is just as fucking bad 
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Are U serious?! Is it a millitary base Ur living in. Ur expectations are so high for these kids.
I would b rebelling too.
Let em b kids, relax the rules a little.
U say U both wrk full time? How would u like Ur Bosses berating U like U do Ur kids coz in Ur eyes nothing’s good enuf. Their self esteem must b getting cracks and it sounds like Ur 15 Ur old already had enuf
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wow …a little much id say …no wonder she is unhappy
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