My 15 year old is starting to act out with how strict my husband and I are: Advice?

Huge emotional abuse signs here :cry: father gets carried away when his standards aren’t met … your children are individuals and your standards don’t have to be thiers let them be children.

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I lived with a man like that for 16 years. Got a divorce and me and my children had a wonderful life without him in the picture. My five all have good jobs and enjoy life. I was always of a mind I cleaned the house did the laundry and saw to it that they had good meals. I consider what you are doing with your children a form of abuse. Words can hurt more than physical abuse and remember those children will remember all the times they were verbally abused whether by you or their father.

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I don’t see anything wrong with chores and responsibilities; however, if your husband doesn’t think it’s good enough he should do them himself. If he is verbally abusing you and your children I think a discussion needs to be had.

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I would hate to be your child!

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You and your husband sound as though you are running a concentration camp. You are a disgrace as adults. My ex and I were very strict on our kids, but didn’t treat them as you do. Others have been locked up in prisons for making use of child labourers. What you are doing to your kids is just as bad…or maybe worse because they are your flesh and blood. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

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I understand choirs. But from your description you all sound like drill sargents. I was raise the same way and so we’re my kids. Only my kids cleaned pretty good without being told I’d do the laundry &cooking they did everything else but we’d reward them by letting them go out we also gave them allowance

Sounds like emotional abuse to me.

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Wow, they are your children. Not your maids, not slaves. You guys sound crazy. I wonder if your kids ever feel like you’re proud of them since they fall short of your expectations frequently. Poor kids

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Maybe your husband shouldn’t be such a p.rick. He don’t like the way it’s done, he can do it himself!

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First of all Everyone parents different …When you put EXPECTATIONS on them and they’re not met . You will get upset… Just be Thankful and grateful they do chores …Yelling and calling them names is Emotional and Mental Abuse …I had 4 siblings I was the 5th I would do Everything and I mean everything from cooking/washing clothes/house/vacuum and even yard work never was good enough for her the more I did the more she find for me to do . she would praise and leave thank you notes to my sis/bro if they did one lil thing and me NOTHING . So as i got older she told me she always Expected it from me and not the others that’s why she thanked them …Very hurtful to me and made me insecure about everything i did …Anyways ALWAYS be thankful and Grateful for what they do and stop the name calling…

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The name calling must stop you are damaging your children that’s why he is acting he is acting out . Shane in your husband and you to allow him to call them names that is verbal and emotional abuse . STOP the name calling . I don’t care how old they are stop letting him call your kids names

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Name calling is considered mental and emotional abuse.

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Holy moly, you can play Cinderella while they don’t have a choice for now but your kids are going to be very inbittered and have little to do with you when they move out for robbing their childhood just a heads up lol

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Wow. Surprised one hasn’t ran away.

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Ew. Admin needs to be reporting people who post things like this.

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Wow! Like is this lady for real? I would hate to be their kids, what a horrible situation. I feel bad for those kids. That is absolutely abuse!

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Hope your kids turn out ok… Y’all are horrible

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Perfection is an impossible standard. Especially every day perfection. By continuing to tell them they didn’t do something right, name calling, especially lazy, is telling them they themselves aren’t good enough. This is exactly what my mother did to me growing up. I had to do EVERYTHING while she worked and came home and sat on her ass while saying I’m not doing a good enough job. It made me hate her. If that’s the route you want to go than keep on keeping on. If not. Maybe back off a bit. Doing chores to receive allowance I totally agree with. Having such high standards. That could be adjusted so everyone in your house can have some peace and love. Good luck

Yikes. This popped up on my timeline. I wish this wasn’t an anonymous question so we can call your ass out. Sounds like modern day Cinderella. Don’t be surprised when your kids want to leave the house at 18 and have nothing to do with you.

So your husband calls your kids names and youre fine with it? Sounds like youre a piece of shit if you ask me, you just listed off that your kids have a bunch of material shit but that one parent verbally abuses them and the other one doesnt do anything to stop it, not much wonder the kids are starting to get pissed off, everyone wants to be treated with respect regardless of if they are your kid or not, and calling people names when they dont meet your expectations certainly isnt respect

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No it not child abuse it teaching them the ways of living my kids washed dishes clean their rooms change their own beds

Yall are abusive as fuck. If i was your kid i would run away or call cps. I hope you wake up and realize your mistakes

I’m sorry but the “self entitled” bullshit happens everywhere… I hate to sound like “that guy” but its true… 1st, you and your husband need to agree together out of the way of the kids what the base standards are, so you can represent a united front, even if it means printing out pics of acceptable standards, further more, offer TINY rewards for going above and beyond, I say tiny so they don’t grow an even bigger sense of entitlement, your husband has a right to be mad if standards aren’t being met… but if you and your husband don’t agree on those standards there will develope a rift between you that can cause damage in the relationship between you 2, yes I whole heartedly agree that ALL children should do age appropriate chores so they develop a strong work ethic, however, insulting them for not reaching standards will have a negative impact… (and I’m sorry but all you people calling it emotional abuse… clearly never experienced it!!!) Not saying its always right but we are all human!!! If your kid don’t look both ways and runs to cross a road, and you catch them just in time, you telling me you won’t have a few choice names? No? Then you are lying!!! Granted not the same situation but different people have different emotions… grow the f up!!! And tbh all you calling emotional abuse… sound like parents of only children…

I mean I agree with kids having chores but wow.

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So they clean and y’all don’t have too!?! Lead by example! I’m all for chores but we do them too! You gave them all of the responsibility! Including yours. Not just their own.

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My children have chores that are theirs. In return, they get things like their mobiles - xboxes - outings etc. Often these chores (like the dishes) are done with a lot of mess. We will walk into the kitchen and the dishes will mostly be clean but water will be on the counter and the floor etc. We as parents clean up behind them because that is our job- to raise emotionally and mentally capable young humans. We teach the children responsibility and the need to do certain things but we are also supposed to teach our children that life is messy and not perfect and that it is okay not to be perfect and is better to be themselves. It sounds like you are trying to teach them to be perfect little robots instead of people. Rules are good. Goals are good but what you are describing is like some kind of training camp instead of a home. You are expecting OCD Perfection from children and that is wrong. This is an extreme example but there are plenty of convicted criminals that have blamed upbringings like you’re giving your kids for the way they turned out. Extreme expectations WILL lead to messed-up human beings. As for what your daughter is saying - If you are completely honest with yourself you already KNOW what is going on is wrong and it is probably subconsciously why you have messaged this group. Do yourself a favor and seek help for your extreme OCD issues etc. If you don’t fix this now I can tell you that once your kiddos are older NONE of them will be in your life and you will regret for the rest of your life not trying to fix this.

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Oof. If neither of you like messy homes, why not make Sunday “everybody clean” day? And if it isn’t done perfectly….Does your husband berate you as well as your children when you don’t meet his expectations? You say you cook some meals, do you make your 15 year old cook the rest of the week? I believe in making children do age appropriate chores, however, yelling at them for not being good enough is a hard no. If my husband were yelling at my children bc they didn’t organize drawers “good enough” for him, I’d dump all the drawers on his head and bounce :tipping_hand_woman:t2: keep standing by letting your husband berate your kids, and then watch all your children leave you both. Y’all are the parents, it’s YOUR house, not your kids. Also, they’re working too, plus school. So just bc you and your husband have jobs doesn’t mean y’all can’t help clean too :tipping_hand_woman:t2: have your kids clean up behind themselves, not be your maids

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One day when your kids are no longer there what will you remember about them? All the things they didn’t do but jesus christ there’s not alot of good memories being made. Taking then away on holidays and paying for nice shit doesn’t replace the time and presence they could of had with you. When they are old enough they will leave and probably never come back

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It is abuse. Your 15 year old is smart.

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Soooo your 15 year old is speaking up for herself…hmm seems like you and your hubs just don’t like to be called out on what YOUR child knows is wrong!! Doesn’t sound like she’s acting out to me…sounds like she’s a little more mature than her irrational wardens…oops I mean so called parents!! That’s a huge burden for a 15 year old to carry and seems like she’s just saying what the rest of your soldiers(children) want to say but are to scared to say…hope she eventually catches on and calls OCY!! The one thing you can be proud of is her speaking up for herself…I mean isnt that what “dad” does when he’s “unhappy” with his standards not being met??? And YOU…you need to grow a pair and stand up to this man you call a father…cuz he doesn’t deserve that title…he’s a coward and bully!!! :face_with_monocle::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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I understand having them do chores and have a routine but this sounds excessive. They are kids let them be kids.

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That’s mental and emotional abuse. Do you guys let them know when they have done a good job? Or y’all just yell and point out the imperfections? Yes I agree kids should do chores but it seems as though your husband needs to go about it a different way or all the kids will be driven out and be unhappy.

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Good for your daughter for recognizing and speaking out against abuse. What a brave girl!

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Just wow! I feel so sorry for your children!

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So, you let your husband abuse them which you have admitted to. You make the children do most of the work, so they are your slaves, which can also be construed as abuse. She works the same as you and your husband, yet she does far more work because she has school, work and " chores". When do your children get to be children?
As an adult that did " chores" as a teenager, you can bet your butt this will not end well for you. I resent the heck out of my parents. Dad was hard on us, name calling, etc. Mom never stood up for and agreed with dad’s nonsense. You will regret this because you are setting your children up to rebel.
Why don’t you and your husband clean the house, cook the meals, etc? All kids should have chores but, they were not born to become your slaves, geez!

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No reason to call names but the chores i agree with is good for them. I did chores as a kid and it takes a village to run a home the right way. No reason to live like a pig. At the same time name calling not good.Stand up to him and just say hey the name calling is not cool.

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I’m proud of your 15 year old for speaking up for herself. Y’all are abusive shits. “My husband takes his frustrations out on our kids and I let him” toxic parenting from both angles. Get your shit together. Do better.

Sheesh this is too much. Having a degree of responsibility and discipline is necessary for well rounded children but this is a bit excessive. One home should be a safe haven not a job that’s literally how this is coming across. You pay your kids $80 to do the chores and yell and berate them when they don’t meet your expectations that you don’t even meet yourselves. Are children are a gift. It is a privilege to be a parent. How would you feel if they weren’t around? Because honestly that’s where things are heading.

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I can’t imagine doing this to my kids, they are so proud when they take me by the hand and make me close my eyes to surprise me that their toys are put away and when they make my bed, I love seeing their little faces light up when I tell them how amazing they are and I ask them if I’m in the right house as a joke.

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Sounds like y’all are the lazy ones to me y’all expect them to meet your standards on cleaning so y’all don’t have to clean your 15 year old is now working and still has to clean? Don’t you think their tired from their job just as much as y’all are? Do y’all clean when y’all get home from work? Cause all I read was that y’all have yalls kids clean I would hate to be there sounds like slavery to me y’all are ridiculous I bet yalls kids never had a playful child hood and didn’t experience anything cause y’all were too worried about having stuff cleaned smh :woman_facepalming:

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Easy mom , if her chores aren’t done no pay.
Also don’t you have days when you want to do nothing, and slack a bit. Talk to your husband about being so strict.
School, working, extra if she does after school sports also can be and 80 hour plus work week. Then as a lady she has that time of month. Cramping, headaches, and what ever else goes with it.
See what else is going on.

I have 4, ages 7-15 in the home. They are expected to help around the house as well. I grew up in the home with a mother with OCD. I clean like a regular person. Why because she didn’t put her vices onto me. And I don’t do it to mine. If the chore is wrong, we go over it together. Because honestly it isn’t wrong it just isn’t my way. So, like my own mother, I have to step back and say at least they tried and it isn’t worth alienating my child over.

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They are your children… not your slaves. Y’all sound controlling and unhealthy.

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So my dad and mom were just like you guys. My dad would always verbally abuse me, talk bad and down on me like I failed. And this started when I was 6 years old. My mom did exactly what you did and agreed with my dad but when he took it to far by yelling and calling us names she stood back and let it happen. We were expected to do all the chores and we couldn’t say no, if we did there were consequences. My dad had me up at 6-7 AM every day on weekends too building fences, corrals for our animals, etc. While they tried replacing that behavior with a “good job” once in a while or me having an animal I always wanted, if I messed up in there eyes they’d rehome that said animal and tell me it was my fault. This happened until I was 19 years old. My parents made me feel like I was never good enough and that I never could make my parents proud. Anytime I voiced my concerns it was met with threats from my dad. He did physically abuse us from time to time such as: a belt, hand, choking, a baseball bat, wooden spoon, throwing tools at us if we grabbed him the wrong one and choking til I turned blue. It messed me up and for years I was stuck in a depressed state just like your daughter is.
They aren’t maids! They are your children who should be treated as children. Yes teach them responsibility but do it kindly. I’m glad your daughter is voicing her thoughts. It’s a shame on you both for treating them that way. I hope they don’t turn out like you guys.

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Is this lady for real? Like, I am stuttering here…
Let me say I am ALL FOR CHORES AND RESPONSIBILITIES, especially for older kids who need to start learning how to live on their own. But what you just described is straight up wrong. Your children ARE NOT YOUR LIVE IN MAIDS. and honey, a million times yes, verbal abuse IS abuse. You are in the wrong and your husband is in the wrong. Gosh… you, ma’am are on your way to losing 4 children. Or creating monsters. :woman_shrugging:

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Your children should be taken away, your job as a mother is to protect your children…even if it is from their father, your children are going to grow up with major issues because they will believe they weren’t worth protecting, in addition, they will allow others to treat them this way.
I get teaching children responsibility but this is out of line and is most definitely verbal abuse (mental & emotional)
It isn’t too late to change, the fact that you reached out means you know it isn’t right. Talk with your husband about his behavior and if he isn’t open to therapy or changing then take your children and leave, or have him removed from the home.

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I own a cleaning business and work 12-16 hour days 5-6 days a week and I am not that hard or expect that much out of my children. They have chores and so does their father and I. Every Sunday we all get together and clean the whole main level and it takes us about 2 hours (about 1500 square feet) and it is cleaned like you brought 8n a professional business. We are all responsible for our own area. My youngest has the basement so he is responsible for about 1300 square feet of the 1500 and he keeps it up really well. We have the upstairs and I maintain the guest rooms. I believe you should teach them responsibility but making them do all of it and then complaining must be very belittling to them. We have a schedule in our home and if someone can not keep up with their end, someone always follows through and helps them because we all know that other person is going to bail us out in the future or already has in the past. I am proud of you guys for making them participate, most families don’t anymore but in my personal opinion, I feel you are going at it in the wrong way. I think positive reinforcements would be a great addition to your cause. Are you guys one of those people that remind them everything you do for them, like the vacations? With how you explained it, it sounds like they worked for that vacation as well.

Yes. Correct. He is emotionally abusing them. And you’re allowing it. Good for her to recognize it. If he called you names you’d be out in a heartbeat I’d imagine. Or if you called him names I’m sure he’d have an opinion about that too. You don’t call people mean names, especially not children.

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I read a couple sentences. Coming from a house where my mother was ocd psycho. We never did anything good enough. Yelling about anything and everything. Not even allowed to open the fridge to get milk cause our fingerprints showed. We walked on egg shells!! That being said. I started running away at 11. I hated my mom. It is NO way to live!! The mental effect of living with her and now I find out she is a narcissist! I am now 37, I have nothing to do with her. (It is more than just that). But growing up like that cause me to have severe depression, anexity, hate myself, choose to be treated like shit! I couldn’t wait to get away from her! I got pregnant and married at 17 to get the hell out of her house !!! The last time I checked kids aren’t slaves!! Constantly yelling degrading, nothing good enough nothing is up to ur expectations sounds like a lovely place. That would be why lots of kids commit suicide also

I almost feel like this post is just made up to cause a stir. I can’t believe a mom would write this with the belief that they are not damaging their children.

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So you guys don’t have chores that you do? You contribute nothing to the cleanliness and organization of the household and you feel fit to call the people who do “lazy?”

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Caname calling not ok

She’s gonna leave when she can, not look back and endeavour to be nothing like you when she becomes a parent! You both need to calm down and own your behaviour. It’s controlling and abusive! Nobody would be happy being controlled like that!

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Your husband and yourself chose to have kids… they didn’t choose to be here. You owe that to them

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I understand y’all have standards on y’all like as clean. But 1. These are KIDS. 2 atleast you have them doing chores and they don’t argue or pitch fights about it. If the main job is done,atleast be thankful. If there ain’t something completely done o you’re liking. Fix it they way you want to,without any bitching about it. Atleast they are doing their chores. 3rd of all just cause y’all work doesn’t mean your kids need to take are of everything at home either. They are kids. They don’t need to be cleaning ,24/7 like you stayed you expect it done daily. It’s summer for crying out loud. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes: This so ridiculous

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Verbal abuse is still abuse. Also you chose to be parents you should be doing much more than laundry and some meals. They should be responsible for their stuff and their mess. And have plenty of time to play and do sports that they enjoy. Sounds like they might as well live on their own. $80 a month? That’s like 3 hours of work. Not worth so many chores and being yelled at. And you may provide a good house for them but that is what a parent is suposed to do when they chose to have children not hold it against their kids so they do everything.

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I dont even know what to say apart from someone screenshot this and phone social services. Bloody hell. Do the parents keep them in the cellar on chains. Need to do your own bloody house work. #nobhead

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Maybe your husband should do the chores if CHILDREN aren’t doing them to his standard. Why not just simply say “me and my husband are lazy so we pay our children do all the house work” :woman_shrugging:t2:.and yes yes it husband is Mentally ad verbally abusing your children and because you don’t want to clean your own house you allow it to happen. People like you and your husband shouldn’t call yourself parents.

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Geez. Did you have children or slaves? My parents did this crap too. They worked and decided it was acceptable to have my sister and I do all the chores. And there was also lots of verbal abuse in my home. Spoiler alert, we grew up to hate them. And guess who we hated more? The parent who stood idly by allowing the abuse when they knew it was being taken way too far.

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Ur husband sounds like an absolute dick

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Just a reminder that the yelling and name calling looks different through the eyes of the children. Keeping calm is highly important in this situation. This specific part of your chore isn’t up to standards. You have x amount of time to bring it up to standards or you will lose $5 off your chore money etc or maybe be grounded from your phone until you do. Name calling and yelling is flat out unnecessary and it is abusive.

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Are they in jail … are they allowed to be kids … does not seem like it

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Husband sounds like a piece of shit and I would definitely consider his form if discipline to be abusive

I was taught responsibility by doing chores and I personally teach my son “if you do it right the first time, you don’t have to do it again.” and let him know if he is unsure or unable to do something properly to ask for help. But you know what we don’t do? Call names. We don’t berate. And I certainly wouldn’t sit by and allow my SO to berate our son. Like, you really got on here and said your child was acting out because she expressed being unhappy with being verbally berated if things aren’t done perfectly :woozy_face: Just, wow.

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You want advice? Listen to your daughter and hear her out. That sounds like a lot to deal with. How would y’all feel if she hurt herself because she doesn’t feel like enough. I feel really sad for your children. Who has their back if you don’t? Sounds like abuse to me. You can be strict and correct your kids without mentally abusing them.

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It sounds more like your children are slaves and the child will leave as soon as she can.

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Sounds like you need to take that $80 a month per child and hire a maid and give these kids more realistic chores. If not you’ll never never see them again after they grow up and you’ll never see your grandchildren.

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Sounds like you bread slaves rather than had children :sweat_smile:

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So because you and your husband work full time neither of you have to take responsibility for running your household??
Good for her for defending herself and her siblings against you and your husbands toxic bs! You shouldn’t have bothered having children if they were to be treated as maids!
With any luck your daughter will run for the hills the second she is legally able to do so!

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Stay home do it you’re for a day an then let you’re husband yell at them. She’s right that’s emotional abuse and mental abuse too. Great you want to teach them but not employing them as you’re maids. Sorry but you’re cleaning morals are not right I’d do chores yes but I wasn’t my grandparents maid at all nor did I get yelled at I just was made to redo them

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You and your man are crack heads for this shit. You’re literally the reason kids run away and resent parents, both of y’all are dumb as shit! They’re your kids not your slaves! Fuck you talkn bout “we care and love them” no the fuck you don’t! You love what they do for you lazy fucks when y’all don’t wanna do anything! #getright!

You want to live rent free you need to do chores my girlfriend loves the cleaned house and has our kids doing chores…
Yelling is not the best way of doing it…
Sounds like you all need to sit down and talk

What did I just read.

So basically this person is making their kids do all the house work, and possibly cooking (because she said sometimes she cooks). They come down on their children for coming up short, name calling and frequent yelling.

Yes, yes that’s abuse. They are gonna be the same parents confused why none of their kids visit them after they move out

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Your poor kids ! Do the jobs yourself
Yes they should have a couple of chores but not do everything for you, who cares if you both work full time that’s part of being a parent and juggling everything, there is ways to install discipline without being harsh and treating them slaves , listen to your daughter and treat them better or they will resent you for life and you won’t see them once they leave home, your husband needs to treat them like kids not slaves and not be so nasty

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Wow, Sounds Like They Were never kids Since they Were Born, just Taking Over Their Parents Chores :confounded:

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I hope your kid leaves you. You’re shitty parents.

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You both sound pretty abusive. Good luck with having a relationship with them once they leave the trauma of living with you. You have children, not slaves.

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Your kids arnt gonna like you guys very much.

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Lorna Ashley Scott read this. swear some people have kids just to have slaves, fact that the mum is just sitting back letting the dad talk to their kids like shit too, they’re gonna grow up and never talk to them as soon as they move out and I don’t blame them. Parents sound like a**holes :woman_shrugging:t2:

Yeah I was with you up until the name calling. That’s mental abuse… and you are supporting it.

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So my advice… get the book… “The Connected Parent”… start reading and implementing immediatly. Web search and start reading up on “compassion-focused parenting”. Your husband has anger issues and the cause, root cause, needs to be identified. Most likely from childhood. How did his parents parent him? the same way? if so he clearly has anger issues and its now as if he is punishing your kids AS IF they are his parents and this is common unfortunately with people who hold anger toward thier parents. Your kids need parents, not wardens and that is what your teen is trying to tell you. As a parent it is our job to provide a home, a clean one, meals prepared and a loving nurturing environment for those whom we brought into this world. It isnt the kids job to do that. They didnt choose to come into the world so owe you nothing. You DID choose for them to come into this world so you owe them a loving, healthy life.

So, you’re definitely abusing your kids. This is emotional abuse. Have fun when they’re adults and no longer have any contact with you, you specifically because you let your husband mistreat them without standing up for their well-being. Your children don’t “fall short”. They’re kids not house keepers, cooks, and caretakers. That’s you and your husbands job. It is absolutely important for them to help out and learn responsibility, but raising one another and taking on the entire homes workload… nah.

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You misspelled “ verbally abusive narcissistic parenting with unattainable expectations from others wrong “ they’re humans and need to not be held to your abusive husband’s expectations. Pretty sure if he called me names I wouldn’t want to try harder to please him I wouldn’t come in for a hug and would also speak up for others he was treating that way.

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Your kids arent your slaves? Or employees?

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This is so beyond unhealthy! Let your kids be that… Kids… The fact they are doing chores is a feat in itself these days… If they aren’t done to your husbands standards, he should put the finishing touches on whatever the way he wants it done. Don’t be surprised if her lashing out becomes more than what it is already. Who cares about phones, pay, and nice vacations. That should come with the territory of providing, especially when your kids are trying. I would 100% hate to live in that home, when my dad goes to the point of verbally abusing me over not perfectly done chores. This is control, and abuse at its finest, and you guys should be ashamed of yourselves! You want your kids to end up hating you, keep doing what your doing… I’m so freaking angry reading this post😡

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Are they allowed an hour of sunlight a day??

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When do they get to be kids though?

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Your kids are gonna hate y’all smh. They are kids not slaves!! Just because your work and give them money doesn’t mean they should have to do absolutely everything

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Your roof, your rules, but calling them names is verbal abuse, and that needs to stop, as it will have a negative effect on their mental health, especially navigating teenage years, I was brought up to do chores and do things a certain way, and often got growled for small things, like not putting my shoes in the rack, or leaving clothes in my room on the floor when I changed, instead of straight in the washing, yeah it taught me standards and responsibility, but in reality, it is why I moved out at 18, and never looked back, kids are only kids for a short time, and even though I get my toddler to clean up his own toys and make his bed, I will not make him do chores till he is older, and only his own chores, and he can get allowance for anything else like vacuuming, he loves helping me do housework, dishes, washing, wiping surfaces, but I will never put that pressure on him, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and panicked every time my chores were ‘checked’, I did my best without being asked, and to be told it wasn’t good enough was a huge put down, and just set me up mentally to always think I wasn’t doing a good job not just at home, but everywhere else too. Just be mindful that they have feelings, and if they don’t feel appreciated, they will start to resent your husband, and it will put strain on their relationship.

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Complete n utter nonsence yer kids are not yer up keep discracefull a few healthy chores yes but that is what i would label as abuse! Im sure ye will both regret this one day when ye are abandoned by the children!!!

Holding kids to working hard and doing chores is not abuse. If more people held children accountable there wouldn’t be an entire generation of ungrateful babies. The yelling and name calling is extreme but who cares if she doesn’t want to do chores? People don’t want to work every day to give these kids the life they have but you as parents do it.

The name calling really should stop but don’t stop raising people who understand the value of hard work. You’re not her friend you’re her Mom. She doesn’t have to love it just needs to do it right

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I believe children should do chores and learn how to take care of the home … but I also believe it is the parents place to make sure the home is clean etc … yes have them clean up etc but they are still kids they should be out playing not in kept in doing house work :exploding_head: I understand yous work but do the kids go to school etc? Surely it cant be that messy each day :exploding_head::woman_shrugging:t4: get the kids to clean up after them selfs and take everyone takes turned each clearing up after dinner :woman_shrugging:t4: you use something tidy it away after yourself :woman_shrugging:t4::roll_eyes:

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Talk about serious adult issues coming! Holy shit. Slave drivers! This is actually concerning. It is everyone’s job more so the parents to do the house work. It most definitely is NOT the kids job to clean up everything esp not to perfection. I suggest yall evaluate the bad vs messing the kids up more. In my opinion you’re doing way more harm than good! They aren’t in boot camp smh

Nursing home it is, your kids are abused and it’s very sad you allow that too happen. Kids don’t ask too be born, they aren’t slaves either so stop treating them as such

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I’m sure your kids hate coming home. I’m all up for chores and discipline but they may as well live on their own. You want them to do adult things "like run the household " but all you do is shout at them. Lazy parenting and sounds like your husband is a control freak. Just because you chose to marry him doesn’t mean your kids deserve to be yelled at everyday when they are being robbed of their childhood. Shame on both of you. Did you both also have an unhappy childhood or just them?

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Just so we are clear my father treated me like this and i left at 17 and haven’t spoken to him in 6 years.

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I have a friend with a mother like this and guess what? She disowned her mother. There is a difference between assigning chores and slave driving and I’ll let you figure out which one you seem to be doing. Listen to your child while she is willing to speak to you because there may be a time when y’all aren’t on speaking terms. You need to take the money you are paying them and hire a maid. If they have to do all of that then where is there time for them to be a kid? They should be responsible for their messes and the upkeep of their bedrooms but where is y’all responsibility? That’s got to be hard on them thinking they did a good job and then you 2 drill Sargents come in making them feel worthless.

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The fuck.
There is installing responsibility and abuse.
I get it my husband and I both work full time and ask what I feel like is alot from our kids. We are a team in my house, some days we fall but all days we are in this together.
I appreciate their help though and make it known!
Your AND him ARE abusing them.
Good for her for speaking up. :heart:
Poor kids.

It about what you and your husband find important… Were is the kid? 15… Kids are there own person… Talk with your kids, not too them…

This has to be the worst post I’ve ever read in my life.

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