That doesn’t sound like a happy place to come home from school / work to or even my idea of home. Clean yes. Happy no.
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Glad im no child of yours!
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I do think. Chores are important to earn pocket money and teach skills but no need for name calling and what you are expecting too extreme. I’d say now getting older ye need to sit down as a family divide the jobs fairly between ye all obviously more to mum and dad and of guys are workin.
Guys are working need less chores and responsibilities and maybe set up a Saving scheme with some of pocket money and job for when they are older. If you dont change your way a little and make kids made feel feel they are part of the decision making they are going to feel sad and used and anxious all the time about making things perfect x
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That’s very sad no matter how many day trips etc and things you provide for them doesn’t make it ok for your husband to treat them that way. No wonder your 15 yr old is not putting up with it. If as there mum you let it happen your kids won’t see you in the best light as you enabled that to happen. And when they are older they will definitely keep there distance from you and him it sounds very toxic. I talk from experience.
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I actually can’t believe what I’ve just read…I feel sorry for all your children
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I’m pretty sure this is a made up post for a reaction 
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This is a joke right? Your kids will grow up and not want any form of relationship with yourself and husband. They are not soldiers they are ur kids
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I siggest a group called gentle parenting. I agree with chores and i had to do mine but because it was my home and i wanted to look after it not because i was getting paid and i didnt do them 100% every time but i was never belittled and abused verbaly. It seems like there is a lack of intimacy. Just because the kids have fancy phones doesnt mean they feel well looked after or safe in their environment.
You get angry if you servants…sorry children don’t do everything perfect!!! Doing a few jobs for pocket money is great in my book but getting them to do virtually all the housework is neither fair nor teaching them anything!
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Let kids be kids, not housekeepers. If you can’t be arsed or don’t have the time to clean your home, hire a cleaner or don’t have 4 children! Poor kids. $80 month is a joke. Chores were always voluntary in my house. £2 to wash up, £1 take bin out etc. that way we got to choose what we did if we needed some pocket money 
Get your man in check. Chores and responsibilities are apart of life and I love that you’re raising them right. However if they feel abused in the situation it could lead to rebellion, which is counter productive.
Sounds like you have little prisoners and not children .
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 15 year old is starting to act out with how strict my husband and I are: Advice?
Name calling is not appropriate in any situation, it is verbal abuse. In my opinion, your daughter isn’t acting out by expressing her displeasure. She’s expressing her emotions and you need to listen. Family counseling could go along way in helping for all parties involved.
Gosh discipline is good but I do wonder the way you say he yells this could be mental abuse to the children. Hopefully it is not as bad as it sounds.
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I’m not sure what advice to offer you, I only know that I was raised the exact same way and upon my 18th birthday my parents told me that didn’t mean anything and nothing would change. They over ran my life so long as I lived under their roof in a month later I walked away in the middle of the night and I never looked back I hate my parents don’t do your child what they did to me.
They will all leave ur house as soon as they can! Bad parenting
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Children learn from example and you two are not leading a very good example, sounds like you expect the kids to do more than you two, if you wanted a perfect clean home den you should not have had children, you have a house not a home
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If you have high standards for a clean home then maybe y’all should be the ones cleaning instead of yelling at children because they dont clean as you think they should, even if they get “paid”. What if someone did that to you? Try seeing it from their eyes…
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Here’s the thing. It is extremely important to instill responsibility so you have hardworking and independent children. However kids can’t do the level of work adults can often times. If they’re often falling short, rather than yelling your husband needs to manage his expectations. Children did not ask to be here. The two of you chose to have them. It is ultimately your responsibility to take care of them and your home. The fact that you two barely have to do anything is unacceptable to me 
Working and having to come home to impossible standards is alot for a 15 year old. Plus $80/mo? Honestly it’s nice you want to pay her but it seems like because you pay her, you expect a little worker bee. Maybe lower the standard and pitch in since you’re the parents and lower that allowance since she is working herself
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Think ur lucky this is anonymous I think you would be reported for abuse
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Your husband is literally verbally and mentally abusing your children while you sit by and allow it to happen because you think he needs to be the one to control the situation and you wonder why your daughter is acting out when she’s literally come to you in a specified that she thinks that it’s abuse 💁🏻♀🤦🏻♀ just because you grew up in a household like that doesn’t mean that that needs to repeat itself with your own children it is abuse whether you see it is that or not, i do not care how crappy or rude I’m coming off I grew up in a household like that and I’m THANKFUL AS FUCK , my parents are dead, being strick and making sure chores get done is one thing but I draw the line at verbal and mental abuse 🤷🏻♀ good luck with that shit
She’s just a teen. I hated doing chores growing up and my dad was on my ass about them. He was in the military and he’s Mexican so he’s strict af 
start taking things away from her like her phone etc. I never had a phone growing up. And she can get stuff back when she does her chores correctly. Like for example if she does her chores right for 2 weeks straight then she gets her phone back but if she starts slacking again then she gets it taken away. That’s a luxury. Not a privilege.
Wow…so you are ok with him verbally abusing your children? There is a difference between discipline and abuse…and he taking it overboard. You acknowledged that, but make excuses for him.
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Verbal abuse still abuse.
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She’s probably depressed. Feeling like nothing they do is good enough for y’all. I understand and respect your parenting method, but dang man, they are kids. It doesn’t matter that they have the latest phone or an amazing top dollar house. If they are always feeling like they aren’t good enough for y’all, it will mess with them. Idk maybe I just see it this way because I was always depressed. But if she has told you that her dad verbally abuses her, you should think about that. Not the fact that she’s acting out. It’s probably a call for help. Have you ever thought about what she thinks at night? How many nights she may go to bed crying because of something her parents said to her.
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They are children not slaves! Yes teaching responsibilities and how to do everyday chores around the house is good for them so they know what they are doing when ready to be on their own. But there is a very thin line here of teaching responsibilities and abuse! Having such high expectations of children is ridiculous, things will not always be done perfectly and when it’s not they don’t deserve to be verbally abused/called names that isn’t being stricked that’s straight up abuse your daughter is right.
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Sounds like you have an overbearing household, and make plenty of excuses for emotional abuse.
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Kid will be gone the day she turns 18 and resent you forever. They are children, not slaves.
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So. You’re mad cuz your kid is calling out the emotional and verbal abuse cuz she gets a whole $20 a week to deal with it?
Nah. You want perfect. Hire a service. Kids aren’t your built in housekeeping
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You don’t have kids, you have maid’s. Jesus, no wonder he is rebelling!!!
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I think it’s important to remember while your husband and you work full time you children also have school which is like a full time job. I understand they are being paid, and your 15 year old also took on another job. I personally feel that it should be everyone’s job including you and your husband to clean the house. If he feels it is not done to his standard then he should finish the job. Kids need to be kids.
Why not instead of yelling you and your husband discuss the job, and if y’all both feel it’s not up to standard give a verbal warning, and explain next time you will be deducting money form allowance if y’all have to go back over the job they did.
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you guys sound alil bit crazy they arent your maids i get thwm cleaning up after themselves since you guys work but not having it to your standards ha clean it yourself then and it is verbal abuse stick up for your kids and also what you guys are doing doesnt always help there are studies that kids who are raised like that actually have a hard time doing those same things as an adult because you guys are creating a trait where if its not done she will fill shitty bad parenting in my eyes
Name calling is awful! I couldn’t imagine my dad calling me a bad name. That can stick with you the rest of your life.
Sounds like there in boot camp it don’t have to be perfect and they shouldn’t be at your beck and call
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It’s all about balance. The point in giving children chores is to teach them about responsibility, but if you and your husband aren’t doing those chores yourselves, are you really teaching them realistic expectations, or are you expecting them to be your housekeepers for you? Kids also need time to just be kids. Everyone, child and adult alike, deserves grace, which sounds like it may be a scarcity in your home.
If the two of you aren’t willing to maintain your own high expectations and rely on yourselves to maintain them, how are you leading by example?
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You work and don’t clean. Now she works so she doesn’t have to clean. Stop paying her and see what job she chooses, I guarantee her manager doesn’t treat her like your husband does.
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I think the fact ya’ll dont do anything to help clean or upkeep is trash. Its okay to show responsibility and chores.
Your children are fighting back…cuz ur forcing them to do shit. You yourself don’t do… FOR years now…
Maybe show them the type of behavior you want by actually doing it yourself instead of putting the responsibility on children.
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I heard nothing about love in this…no praise…just you are not good enough…if I’m hearing this then what are your kids hearing as they are being berated…
I’m all for chores…but it sounds more like maids than your kids…
Good luck having a relationship with any of them when you are 60
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I’m sorry so you had kids and you think it’s their responsibility to clean your whole house just bc you guys work? Then your husband verbally absues them bc it isn’t up to their standards? You are both wrong. I completely get wanting to teach your children responsibilities but you bought that house it is just as much your job to maintain it as it is theirs. They have their whole loves to clean their own damn houses and do all those chores. And the fact that you here and say “they still fall short” sounds like you both are as parents. Your daughter will never look back from your house when she leaves.
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You better thank god this is anonymous!!! I’d turn you in.
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I’m sorry I have four children as well and they have chores to but I don’t expect my children to clean as well as me or my husband because they are KIDS!!! They should be being kids playing outside , hanging out with friends etc. It sounds like you want slaves not children and if you wanted your house to be kept at such a high standard maybe you shouldn’t have had so many kids 
I think all your children will recent you both for how they have been treated and made to keep up your house to such extreme standards … teaching responsibilities to kids is more than just having a clean home
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Stop with the yelling but be firm to many parents that dont even try to teach the kids anymore.
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I’m not really sure the kids are the only ones being abused here. Fact you allow anyone to treat your children that way tells me you are probably being treated that way as well. As for a clean home, if you have standards you want upheld I suggest you do it yourself. They are kids not slaves and $80 a month is bull crap. By the way it sounds it should be $80 a week.
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You’re teaching your children that no matter how hard they try, it’s never good enough. I don’t blame her for being angry, & yeah, telling at your kids & calling them names IS abuse. I’m glad you’re not my mom
So let me get this straight… you have your kids doing MOST of house work. It has to be done PERFECTLY or they get verbally abused by their father, and you are surprised your 15 year old is acting out?! I feel so sorry your children have to live in that environment. Asking them to help and do chores is one thing, but this is just… your daughter isn’t wrong. This sounds abusive. Sounds like she got a job at 15 just to be able to get away from you and your husband. Also… buying them material shit doesn’t mean anything if they feel like slaves and get verbally abused by their dad 
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Ok enough people have mentioned that you and your husband are a little overly strict so I’m gonna go at it another way. Teenagers will absolutely rebel, especially if you are strict. Normal behavior, especially for girls. I am raising the mist temperamental teen girl in the world right now and just a little happy that she is almost 18 and ready to move:sweat_smile: all kids are different, I have 2 others that are angels and another that does what I ask but swears at me under his breath. Anyway, maybe back down just a little. You can instill your morals and work ethic without being so loud about it. Good luck momma 
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I bet he yells at you too when he gets ready find your backbone hun you sound a mess
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lts hard to even finish reading that. Your husband sounds like a complete ass and I dont blame the kids for rebelling. I mean it’s ok to be strict and expect things out of your children but your household sounds awful. He is a dad, not a damn drill Sargent and no child is perfect. I think the issue lies with the father, not the children. And it is not just children’s responsibility to clean and take care of the house even when the parents work. And you have shown the child that if you work you can be totally lazy at home. The child is displaying your very actions. I just can’t even with you.
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My mother was like you and your husband. Its taken me years to undo the damage My sister the same.
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Y’all had slaves not kids. It will never matter what nice things y’all buy or how many trips y’all go on. Kids remember how you made them feel and what you did with them while they were young. They’re not gonna remember that momma taught them how to use a vaccuum, but they will remember every time they were called lazy or anything else they get called and how it’s made them feel. They’re gonna raise their children either the exact same way or the complete opposite and it’s gonna be because of y’all and how they interpreted how you guys raised them. If you want a squeaky clean buy a maid service cuz that’s not a child’s job and when they all run across country or go to the military just to get away from y’all and they never come home cuz of what you’ve put them though, it’s gonna be the worse feeling in the world. And go ahead and cancel any plans to be in your grandkids lives you cuz they’re not gonna let you anywhere near them.
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Good luck with that lol
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She should just quit your job. She already has schooling and a job sounds like shes putting in more hours than you are!
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Wow
You treat your children like slaves. Those days are long gone
You are going overboard.
Your children will be so glad to get out of your control and prob will hate you
You have robbed them of their childhood. Hope your proud of yourselves.
BAD PARENTING !
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Gotta lead by example
Your poor children 
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You instill by doing not by breaking your children. If you don’t work in the home because you work outside if the home she should be allowed the same. This whole thing is abuse. I don’t comment on these often but this one is straight up bullshit excuse for parenting.
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Progress not Perfection, no one is Perfect. I understand some still live by the tough love hard discipline rules but one will always get more compliance and inspiration with love and support and understanding vs demanding and yelling and unrealistic standards. Honey over vinegar.
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I grew up in a household like this. Now its going on my 6th year of therapy to recover.
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I didn’t even read this whole post… all I felt was: NOT GOOD ENOUGH. MY WAY, OR NO WAY. NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. GET IT RIGHT!! THE FIRST TIME, MY WAY.
I grew up in home just like this. There is no room for growth to find out who they are as individuals.
Yes, they should have chores n responsibilities. But no child is perfect.
This physically is making me ill😢
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I feel like this is abuse all around sounds to me u and ur husband are the lazy ones they are your children not maids be a parent and let them be kids this while post is ridiculous
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That definitely sounds like verbal abuse…i am definitely a clean freak but not to the point of calling my child names. They will be leaving as soon as they can or maybe before they even should… nothing wrong learning responsibility but not to the point of them having to endure his way too high expectations … they should be helping not running the house
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Maybe you can speak to your husband in private about how his discipline is affecting the kids and he can adjust. Just like them not being perfect he is not either. Sounds like he needs to do better himself.
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Your kids are going to keep therapists busy in their adult years trying to recover from their childhood. Advise at this point, parenting and anger management classes for you and your husband is the first place to start.
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I hope deep inside, you really know the answer to this…
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so your husband screams at them if something isn’t to HIS standards, although he wouldn’t do it HIMSELF? your reasoning for yourselves not doing anything around the house is to instill good work ethic, responsibilities, & here’s the big one: “because we work full time”. so you’re using an EXCUSE, as parents, as to why your children are your slaves. & YOU DON’T STEP IN WHEN HE’S VERBALLY ABUSING THEM. what type of parents are you guys? jesus fuck.
*ETA: you work, you can’t do anything around the house. your daughter works, she’s expected to still do everything, & possibly has responsibilities for younger siblings when she shouldn’t. the girl is fucking STRESSED, at adult levels! grow the fuck up & take some responsibility in your own household
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Your husband is being verbally and emotionally abusive to those children and you are allowing this. Your enabling him. Your children will grow up and resent your husband and you.
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Our teaching was young ones can put their clothes away I’ll fold in pile n little help , as they got older got one chore like 1 dusted 1vacumm , we all helped out because we all live in house so it’s all our responsibility - I usually fix supper n cook weekend breakfasts dad sat sun barbeque maybe or we call once in awhile pizza n enjoy no cooking nite? Nobody gets overwhelmed doing one thing each maybe two things,4 of us in our family now kids grown but it worked out;”)
" haven’t had to do much in years in terms of up keep"… So your husband will just bark orders , degrade your children and control them while you watch and let it happen? Okay … he is mental abusing your kids and expecting them to do it all perfectly!! Just because they have nice thing and go on trips doesn’t mean they should expect abuse !!!
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You are very wrong! Show them by example, not yelling. They will hate you someday.
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I agree with your child that your husband is verbally abusing your children as you are just standing by letting it happen. I think the lazy part of this are you and your husband to be honest. You admit you barely have to do any sort of housework and it has been this way for years, but your children cannot perform the household duties to your husband’s expectations, so they get punished for not being able to perform like an adult would. I’m all for chores, my five children do them, but I have the proper expectations for what they can do and I do the rest to my own specifications.
It doesn’t matter if they have nice phones and material things if they are always taken away for “falling short”. Would you be okay with your husband yelling at you and calling you names if you don’t do something to his standard? If the answer to that is yes, that’s a whole other issue, but if the answer is no, then you should probably be having a discussion with him on how to parent better going forward.
Your children do such a great job at keeping your entire home clean that you hardly have any housework yourselves, and they are regularly punished for it. That is absolutely abuse, and I hope you get your 15 into counseling immediately. If you don’t do something to help her get what she needs now, you are complicit in the abuse and she will eventually resent you as well. I went through similar. I often spent hours “learning” how to flush the toilet or turn the water on and off the right way.
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When you start blaming and punishing kids, they will learn how to lie. Try using the consequence approach. Use positive parenting. It’ll help your family more. If you want to keep playing you need to help me with chores or you will not have your phone for a week. Be reasonable and firm but never allow your husband or yourself to call them names. When you put a label on a child it will be psychologically damaging to them. You both need to take parenting courses.
So you and your fella make your kids do the chores every day while you both hardly do any of it?! Welcome to the world of rebelling kids and adult kids… You’ve pushed too far. And I don’t blame them for rebelling by the sounds of it you 2 would be horrendous to live with… Barking his orders like a fucking sergeant major… Pft
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Hmm I believe we called this modern day slavery, abuse and domestic violence.
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Just because you buy them nice things and give them vacations you think it’s ok for the verbal and emotional abuse ?
You should be ashamed as a mother
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Really? Did you have children just so they can be your slave? I don’t think you should be making your children pay rent work and do your dirty work at home… Sad that parents are like this…
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You are lazy and want slaves, not children.
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Shes saying abuse bc that is whats going on. Plain and simple. Surprised all your children do not all AT LEAST have anxiety issues. This post made me anxious just reading it
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And you pay your kids 80 a monthth to do them cause you’re too lasy to do them yourself… Crazy
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Calling names and saying harsh things to them is abuse. That’s emotional abuse. You better start stepping up mom or next it will be her boyfriend calling her names.
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Has your husband been in the army my god your poor kids are like slaves. Im ok with discipline our kids but not to that extent give them a break forgods sake.
YIKES
All I’m gonna say is get ready to be very lonely, bcuz once they leave they won’t be coming back for Sunday dinners and visits.
They will resent you & your POS husband and need therapy once they break free🤷🏻♀️
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Your husband is abusive and you are complicit in that abuse you allow it and to make matters worse they do all of your housework and you and your husband get to sit on your asses and enjoy slave labor because they are going to school and working 40+ hours a week doing everything and you only pay $80 per month but it’s ok for you to sit back and watch and listen while your children are yelled at and called names by their father to tell it to you straight up you and your husband are lazy abusive @$$#013$ and I sincerely hope your daughter reports y’all to child services and that you are criminally charged and that your children find homes where they are loved valued and respected and you enjoy the title of child abuser
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So you work and feel like you shouldn’t lead by example and pitch in with chores, and your daughter works and feels like she shouldn’t have to do chores bc that is what you have shown her??? And you don’t see where the confusion and disconnect is coming in? What are you going to do when all your kids move out, go to work and not come home and do household chores? Keep your little allowance, let her earn her paycheck, and you and your husband do the chores. Fair is fair 
Sounds like a rather stressful home. While you may be providing experiences, responsibility expectations, and for their financial needs, you may be neglecting their emotional, esteem, and comfort/safety needs. Maybe that isn’t important to you, but some people feel it’s crucial to a well rounded upbringing. Children thrive when they can be free learn and make mistakes without threat of ridicule and name calling from (what’s supposed to be) their support system.
Also, people calling other people names, as a means for motivation, automatically lose respect and become untrustworthy. You definitely won’t garner respect for the values you’re trying to instill, if you can’t do it with respect.
Why did you even have kids? A maid would be cheaper!
Instead of loving them, you’ve bought them…thats not parenting!
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They’re kids!! When do they get to be kids & have fun if all their off school time consists of keeping YOUR house immaculately clean!! If your daughter is now working you & your husband pick up her slack! You are the parents, it is YOUR jobs to give them a safe home not vice versa. And calling your children names because their cleaning is not up to their fathers standards is called VERBAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE! And you are enabling that. I bet you that when they move out on their own their visits will be few & far between. It’s always been sd that an immaculate home with children is an unhappy home for the children.
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Yelling and calling names is MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE PERIOD! The fact that you’re okay with your husband yelling and mentally/emotionally abusing your children makes you even worse than him!! Your kids cant even be kids. You expect them to do all the cleaning just bc you and your husband work? Get the fuck outta here with that shit. You and you’re husband are lazy and abusive parents. The cleaning should be done by EVERYONE not just your kids. Your kids AREN’T your personal slaves. I get teaching them responsibility and having them do chores but to the point where your belittling and treating them like trash because its not up to you and your husband “High expectations” is utter bullshit. Your kids will end up resenting you and your husband if you continue with the abuse cut your kids some fucking slack. THEY ARE KIDS let them be kids with SOME chores to do not have them do everything while you and your husband sit on your asses at home. If I knew who you were id report you definitely!
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This was awful go read, I can’t imagine living it.
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Very sad your children will be moving out when they are old enough ! I believe in helping out but to abuse them in the process is a nono. You didn’t have children to be your maids ! Responsibility is good for children but not in that manner ! I worked full time and hubby too and I cooked every night , ran the kids to practices and games etc etc let them be kids!just wondering what do you and your husband do around the house ?
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I “high five” your daughter for speaking up. Now that she did… you have no excuse not to try and fix the situation. Talking to your husband would be step 1.
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Ur children are lazy and cleaning not to yall standards?? Yall are the lazy ones who don’t deserve children. That’s 10-20 years of abuse that you have put them children thru. They are kids not hired help…I feel so bad for ur children!!
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There your kids not your employees. Kids needs to be taught responsibility yes but they also need family time and loving and caring home. They are not in the army with there dad as a drill sergeant. Kids need balance. Yes make sure chores are done and they should take pride in them for them to be done correct. But also they need that special family time to where they are loved and appreciated for a job well done. Buying kids gifts is not appreciating them spending time and doing fun family games and actually communicating with them in a positive manner. The children aren’t your maids so get over yourselves and start treating them like your children. If your husband can’t do that or won’t someone from children’s services needs to remove him from the home and same for you if you don’t stand up for your children what kind of parent are you???
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There’s a certain environment a girl child needs I haven’t figured much but being around strict orders backfires … They are created to submit to a loving environment not ivo voponta… My daughters need a calm dad😂
Wow!! How sad for your kids.
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You both should be very ashamed of yourself! They are kids not slaves!!!
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Wow how times have changed…my mother raised 6 of us and she let us be kids! My childhood was wonderful! Yes as we got older we helped, we were not given chores or made to do things…we learned how to not made to!