You should really talk to the teacher and the director I work in a preschool and I can tell you in some situations and I’m not saying your daughter is doing this but in some situations kids are mean to other kids and they don’t want to play with them and they tell him to go away there could be many reasons why this is happening maybe totally innocent reasons but I feel you should talk with your teacher and director of respect
Before you go to the teacher, find out WHO specifically is bullying her — the leader & the ones who “let her”; WHAT she/they are saying/doing; & WHY they are bullying her — weight, hair, clothes, shoes, no supplies, voice, accent, height, lunch food, crying, way she laughs, old car, whatever. Even take her with you to see the teacher. Sometimes, experienced teachers can see, explain, make suggestions about situations better than parents can. They have to know what they are working with (specifically) before they can help. If nothing works, switch schools — but try to get a handle on the cause & how to deal with it. You really don’t want it to happen again at the new school. It could even be that she needs another year before she goes to pre-K. Does her birthday make her one of the youngest in the class? If so, let her mature a bit more.
1 Like
Teacher probably already knows. Kids that young typically tattle pretty quick. The teacher may not be doing anything about it. Hopefully that’s not the case but I know o had to get pretty ugly with my daughter’s teacher because she was allowing this to happen and was even being a bully herself.
Great job for taking the time to listen to your child. If my child were being bullied I would try and speak with the teachers in that class or the head of the preschool also not saying this is going on but make sure you have a very clear understanding ask your child question like did u say anything back you won’t get in trouble if you tell me the truth that dose get children thinking maybe unintentionally they have said something and that has hurt another child not condoning bullying at any stages but some four year children I have worked with don’t have cliques they have one or two friends who they are closet to I wouldn’t be transferring her until you have tried every possible anvenue because your showing your child that letting the bullies that they win by running away If she is fairly new I would give me a while until u think about moving as children can be nervous having a new child come and she may just need time to build up those friendships I know my 4 year old also makes up stories and this could also be happing
Im so sorry. . it isnt ok and where r the teachers? They dont see what is going on…
Makes me sick that kids act like this and you know it they learn from home
Homeschool or transfer if you can.
Trust me teachers only help so much and your child will still continue to be bullied.
I was bullied and I I really was traumatized, you don’t want her to go through that
If it’s true bullying then I would take it to the teacher and get it sorted straight away. If it’s just children not including her I would ask if she has tried to include herself into a group of kids. We have to teach our kids that it’s ok to not be included in everything and then teach them how to take care of those feelings. I work at a daycare and I know there are 2 year olds (almost 3) that can be so hateful, but it actuallity they don’t know how to express their feelings and just happen to do it in a not so nice way. That could also possibly be the issue. My 4 year old seems to still be learning how to be kind. Its a learning process.
If she has just joined an established class it will take time for her to make friends did she go to toddler clubs to learn how to get on with other children maybe speak to the teacher see if they can get her into a groups of children playing does she know how to share some children don’t if not that could cause issues
I would personally just change schools I also was bullied all the way through school and it never got better once these cliques are formed they are heard to break and the school must be aware of what’s happening and not doing nothing to solve it x
Wow with kid this young are little bullies I blame the parent’s. Go to the teacher and tell what’s going on. Hopefully it works out for her:heart:
Teach her to clap back. They’ll all be her friend once they know their stupidity can’t affect her. Its fun. It’s just one “upping”
Sorry but this isn’t bullying.are they saying anything besides go away? Are they pushing/hitting? Being nasty in any other way?
Your child is new and it might take a while to make friends and that’s ok and normal.
It’s also ok for the other kids to not want to play with her
Maybe talk to the staff and see what is really happening because at 4 one day kids like each other and the next they don’t.
Get her some socialization therapy and change schools . Ughhhh makes me so mad. I know how painful this is for you too!
I went through this. My sisters are now homeschooled and far happier than I ever was, not to mention smarter. Good luck with it all xx
talk to the teacher, then the principle or last but not least move her to another school. this bulling MUST STOP! I would home school my kids before I let this go on.!
I too was bullied it’s the worst feeling in the world maybe change schools I wish my mom would have done that but I didn’t tell her.
I’d be ticked also that whatever supervision is being provided during these negative episodes it is inept.!
1 Like
I was bullied really bad in school just by everyone to the point kids were ripping my clothes and trying to fight me… If you have the power to change it I would transfer her schools. My parents didn’t and this was all in the 4th and 5th grade this stuff happened. It just took a couple years being around these kids to work it up to that point they wanted to hurt me physically, teachers didn’t do anything to help me…
My guess is from all i’ve seen in my 77 years there’s a ring leader that always starts the bullying they kids join in to keep it off of them ask your child who is the meanest one and you’ll lnow where to start bullys hate to be stood up to
The kid being bullied isn’t their fault. It’s YOURS. Step 1: quit crying on the internet. Step 2: Teach your kid some social skills. Step 3: Grow a mullet & start crushing life.
I would talk to the parents and invite one child in order to get aquainted. Have a little party with cake and games. Then next week another child and so on…it will work out, if you get along with the parents…as they are still so young…
Spend more time with your 4 year old outside of school to help her feel more included generally.
Build a bond with her now and help her learn how to be happy by herself, and not need the other groups of friends at pre-school.
Just help her be happy, kids may not understand it, but they certainly know what an unhappy person is and they react emotionally to it, this lack of understanding can often push them to be wary of it, ostracizing others in order to avoid it.
Sadly sitting on the bench at school waiting for someone else to take pity on her is actually making the situation worse, if she’s happier, other kids will feel less nervous about her and will be more accepting.
This is fixable, it will just take time, you are teaching her a complex skill here and then waiting for the effects to manifest, just be ready to distract her from her sadness over the lack of acceptance, tell her it’s normal, and then help her find something that will lift her spirits.
It is important that this spirit lifting is a joint discovery, not just her getting something for being upset, otherwise she could marry the idea of being pitied and getting happier and start using it to get her way.
I was a Pre-School teacher. Little girls and the drama.( Not saying yours).One day( She is my best friend), the next, She won’t play with me. Tell her to do her own thing,be strong and ignore them. Have her bring a special show and tell item to where all the kids have to show and share.
I had this situation but my child was 7. We moved schools and everything been fine
Some children want to control every situation at home and school. It starts with the child. At age 4 she has already learned some of the skills. Make them handle this small stuff because it will be bigger stuff to deal with later ! Talk to her teacher and sincerely ask what your child is doing or not doing! This is where you start. You automatically do not jump to conclusions over what your 4 year old is telling you. They may be the problem by how they are acting around other 4 year olds. She may not be ready to socialize and know how to socialize at this age. A overbearing child can make other children turn their backs on them. Just saying do not assume it is everyone else against your child until you learn what your child is doing to initiate this kind of behavior! Talking to the teacher is the first step but make it about what your child is doing instead of what everybody else is doing ! Get some information first to know what your talking about before you make waves ! Then and only then do you start using the word Bullying after you see the whole picture!
1 Like
I used to work with this age group, and I have never seen a situation where every child ostracizes one child for no reason. It could be that your daughter is socially awkward. Maybe she doesn’t play fairly. Pulling her out of school isn’t a solution if it’s something she is struggling with. It’s just going to happen at another school.
Now, I don’t agree with “Either everyone plays or nobody plays.” Children should be allowed to not want to play with someone. Forcing the issue tends to make things worse. Some of the comments on here are just plain stupid. Don’t send your kids to school with candy to make friends. For one, a child could have allergies and for another, who teaches a child to bribe someone into being their friend? Don’t call the police; that’s not what they’re for. Teach the child how to make friends and how to be a good friend. Surely to Christ someone wants to play with a sweet, little girl.
Give her candies to distribute to her classmates.if u give her a snack give her two or three more let her share them with the kids and this way shell make friends
This must be your first our only kid. This is a normal part of every kid’s life and essential for socialization now and in the future. Stop helicopter parenting your children how are they ever going to grow if you’re always there to fix it
My granddaughter used to say this all the time when I picked her up. I spoke to the teacher and she was puzzled - she said, “she plays with the other kids all day long”. Then I went and watched and sure enough she was happily playing but telling me none of them were her friends … at that age they do a lot of fantasy so just make sure it’s actually true.
I would have her ask one if her classmates to do something on an afternoon after school and go from there
This is sad and disgusting the teachers should of noticed this by now talk to the senco teacher and if they don’t sort it then go to education welfare
Talking to teachers and school is all u can really do right now…they all r children and it takes a bit to get used to new things…
How about talking to other parents? Don’t blame teacher for bad behaviours of children … often this is learned in the home … isnt it?
You can talk to the teacher and see if she knows what’s going on. However, I know my kids and while they’ll play with most anyone, they are allowed to say no they don’t want to play with someone and that’s perfectly acceptable and their no should be followed because we teach our kids that no means no. Mine are 7 and 4 and they both know and understand that not everyone will be their friend, not everyone will want to play with them and not everyone will share with them. They get told no or ignored by other kids and they just go about their business and find someone else to play with.
Shame on the teacher to allow a 4 year old to sit on a bench alone… they should be encouraging/including of her and not just leave her to sit there alone.
My four year old experienced much the same.
Many, many teachers are trained to identify and address this type of situation… some are not.
At the age of 4, the onus cannot be placed on the child.
Talk to the teacher…. And IF……
a) is totally unaware of what’s going on, and/or
b)is unable to immediately apply a correction/intervention…
Perhaps consider removing you child from the school. (That’s what I did ).
Children need to be socialized. If the school isn’t going attempt to rectify the situation, (there’s no reason the teacher shouldn’t be able to talk to the children about this)I’d find somewhere else.
You could make cupcakes as the number of kids in the class and when you take try to talk to the kids with a nice way that might help 
My older son was he’s 25 now and he’s never recovered from it ! They need to hold the parents responsible for there kids actions I don’t know if I will ever get my son back 
Step 1. Talk to the teacher (as you mention). Ask what they see going on.
Step 2. Is there something about your child that you are not addressing? Immaturity, behavior issues, clothes, hair, grooming?
Step 3. Has this happened at this school before? Is this a structure issue at this school?
Step 4. Has this happened to your child before? If so, what seems to trigger it?
She is attending at 4 yrs old. Has she been in play groups prior. Has she made friends before? I know it is hard watching our children struggle, and you are worried, she will have your experience. However, it is a teaching and learning opportunity that you won’t like, nor be liked by everyone in this life. Friendships have to develop naturally, trying to force friendships, because your nervous, is not a Friendship. Its like when your mother tells you, you have to include your brother.
Anytime you hit somebody in their pocketbook, you have their attention. Like when you see a cop behind you with his lights on. I’m sure you will get hundreds of good suggestions, but when the peacetalks have failed, change your defense to an offense. Hire a lawyer. It is expensive to change schools or homeschool. Sue the present school board, and members personally, since bullying is intolerable and it still continues, that they will have to cover the complete costs in every detail for this changeover.
First improve what you can in her look or smell…Then talk to teacher and principal…Then remove her if continued and try another school…Home school last.
Work with your child to empower her sense of self confidence, don’t give in to what others say, pretend they aren’t talking to her.
Well, personally, I tell my daughter that we can’t control another, only ourselves, so if someone doesn’t want to play or being mean, then leave them alone… My daughter has been bullied by most of the kids she’s been around(not all) but one girl would bully daughter because she was brown (bully was 5 & my daughter was 2) then another time a yr age difference & he’d break her stuff, push her off the couch to look at himself in the mirror, hit her & even bite her… just last week, we went to a different park (we like to “test ride” our local parks, etc lol) but while there I had my two kids then another adult brought his two… my daughter the whole time kept asking if they wanted to play with her but because one didn’t want to play with her the other didn’t… said rude things about her when she went past her to go down the slide. Then my daughter still offered to play hide & seek with them then the little girl was “like yea (little boys name) let’s go play hide & seek by ourselves” then proceeded to play, my daughter still hid & they played by themselves not including my daughter. All I could do was explain to her in the car the little wasn’t being nice to her & didn’t want to play with her but not everyone is like that…
I don’t blame the little girl (although, I didn’t like it) but I blame the parents. He didn’t say not anything to his child about how rude she was being… all you can do is do whats best & educate your child so she doesn’t do what them kids are doing… I’m sorry you & your daughter are experiencing difficulties. Try finding some mom friends with kids her age & make plans to go to parks or whatever & if they not so nice keep it moving… can’t change people if they don’t care or care to see what they do.
Try and build confidence. Kids pick on Unconfident kids it sucks but as the deal with life they need to learn to stand up for them selves . It’s hard to watch your kids struggle but build them up and always let them know your there .
Why would you want your daughter to be friends with those kids? She will only pick up their bad habits.
Teach her games to play that she can include the other children in or play by herself, it will help her understand that she doesn’t need to be included in their game but that are welcome to join hers. Hopefully the kids will see her having fun and want to play. She will make friends that’s just a matter of time. This is the time to help her build her inner confidence. It is a great idea to have a parent teacher talk so if the teacher hasn’t noticed she/he will be aware now. If they have noticed and are an ass then now you have voiced your concern, if the problem gets worse after that think about changing school. You are doing great you see the issue and are ready to try to tackle it. Comfort your daughter it will help you heal your past too momma. I hope you find some options here that might help. We might not have the best advice but I know you will find a little relief reading our comments. Much love momma bear!
Where are the teachers they should be making sure all the kids are accepted and play nice together. I would go up and talk to teacher. It is unacceptable to have a child left out
If you can get her to be less shy more confident it helps. Maybe tell her some easy fun jokes to tell them. She could talk about her favorite tv show or game. Give her some ideas of things that might interest the other kids. Tell her to complement them she could say hey, I really like your shoes they’re cool. Give her conversation starters.
Talk to the teachers. They need to put a stop to the bullying or take her out and put her in a different school if they won’t do anything other than condone it!
Talk to the school. Let them know what your child is reporting to you. Ask them to monitor the situation and come up with problem solving ideas. Moving your kid around and around is not the best thing for the child.
1 Like
Put in a pre school associated with a Church they give better supervision as to what you are experiencing.
Go to the teacher have ut out with them…if no joy…get hold of there parents…if they starting this at that age needs nipping in the bud
Ask her who the meanest girl is. Invite her over and plan a really fun activity. Turn the haters into friends
That school isn’t doing it’s job if they aren’t seeing the cliques.
Depending on your school. Sometimes, School doesn’t tolerate bullying. They call the parents of kids involved or talk to the teachers and they deal with the students.
If nothing is being done, transfer her to different school and read their Policy. School can be overwhelming at times especially to preps.
Always remind her that she is great, and what other kids tell her or make her feel are reflection of their personality not hers.
It worked with my daughter. Now, she doesn’t care and doesn’t pay attention with any opinions.
I told her to go play at the playground by herself and do not expect every kids would be nice like her coz some kids aren’t taught and loved well by their parents that’s why they are mean. Boost her confidence and do not be afraid of anybody because you will deal with bullies. No means no. Her feelings are valid and she doesn’t have to please anyone to have friends coz eventually, she will have lots of friends that will treat her nicely.
Unless they don’t want her around because she’s the mean one always picking on everyone.
I don’t think it’s bullying at 4… maybe send her with a couple of those bubble pop toys to hand out or let her wear something unique… anything to be a conversation starter.
13 Likes
Do these bullies have 2 hands ? Cause they can fs get these hands 
1 Like
Check out their parents. Sometimes the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
Part of growing up. It changes in time.
1 Like
This is easy… look in the mirror and you will see her issue. You… you have passed on your fears to your child.
Preschool? I’d be talking to the teacher.
Teachers can’t make kids be friends. I would try switching classes first.
The school;s turn a blind eye to bullying .
Pre school 
And the teachers haven’t noticed this 
Complain to the teachers. Really make a fuss.
1 Like
Honestly… without telling her id stay at the school n be nosey and see whats up… maybe tell the school/teacher u wanna see for urself
Bulling is a taught behavior learned at home that was bullied.SEE IF THE SCHOOL TOLERATES bulling
.SOME DO!!!
Maybe a school therapist can help you and her with tips
Speak with her teacher. That’s part of what teachers do!! Probably just doesn’t see what going on!!
I would start with the teacher and ask her / him to see what she/he observes.
Talk to the teacher to see if she can help her make friends.
You need to talk to the head of school 
Mind ur business, talk to her comfort and teach her. You left out the WHY.
put her in a sport ballet, gymnastics, swim, soccer etc.
Find those kids parents and hire a “perswayer”.
With a really big BAT.
Just an FYI my son said the same thing and it ended up being untrue. I would talk to the teacher and see what’s really going on.
1 Like
Talk to the teacher your daughter shouldn’t have to have this happen to her I was bullied too I was small so I got called baby and other stuff good luck hope it stops for her
My son was bullied too when he was in HS so I had rapidly tranfered him to a private and international school!
1 Like
Just go on and kick the life out of the bully…
All the way through my son’s primary and now high school 
Definitely speak to the teacher to find out what’s going on. And allow the teacher time to handle the situation.
What’s the school she attends “Bullying” Policy? My kid’s school has a zero tolerance for it and the Principal as well as the teachers are always on board with their students, etc. My son has been harassed twice, and the principal of his school notified me right away. They were very helpful in getting the things that happened taken care of. So my humble opinion would be speak to her teacher and Principal of the school. Also encourage your daughter to speak up and speak out.
Her teacher might have noticed another child struggling to, or ask her if there is. They couldn’t maybe sit together and have each other for company.
My son was being bullied on the bus. I went right to the busdriver. Havnt had a problem since
Instill confidence in her. It’s 100% okay to play by yourself at recess.
I can’t believe 4 yr olds even know how to bully
Maybe see if you can volunteer in her class a few hours a month. Get to know the kids. May help her to have you there.
These teachers should be handling it different than they are…that should of been nipped in the bud from the start…shame on them… and how horrible for you child…
At some point kids have to figure out how to work in groups. Why would they bully her at that age?
Kids are horrible hope it gets better for scout
My kids have been thru this too. I feel so bad…it’s heartbreaking.
I would chat with the teacher and principal about this issue asap.
The teacher should should be teaching her or including her in things the others are doing. Maybe she don’t know how to do what they are doing.
Tell her to punch the meanest one and tell her she should be nice to everyone. Show mean kids being mean isn’t nice. Should straighten the whole group out and you ll have helped many kids futures. Kids need to learn its not ok to start problems but it is beyond ok to end them.
What is the teacher doing if she is sitting at recess time? The teacher obviously isn’t watching to hard. Talk to the teacher. No matter where she goes this will always be a problem unfortunately. Kids learn this stuff at home and it is sad. Wish you good luck.
3 Likes
The teacher should make a meeting with the parents in front of the kids so they can teach is not good to bully and else make all the kids give a hug 
and let’ them know school is for everyone to learn and be good to say hi sit here eat with us play ball ect but else don’t be a bully
3 Likes
Stop by at Recess and watch from afar to make sure that’s the case… if so, have a sno cone truck come to her pre school and have the teachers make a big deal that your child is buying everyone a sno cone… she’ll be popular in no time
3 Likes
I just bought my son everything i knew those kids didnt have and told him to make sure that he treats them how they did him … now every kids wants to be cool with him but he knows its not genuine they just like his stuff so he doesnt wanna be bothered with them… id start making her the best lunches with the best snacks giving her really nice hair-dos with manni and pedi … dressing her super cute and teaching her to have an attitude to mess with who mess with her and forget the rest