I have to agree with Brandy,your son needs counseling.Sometimes it helps to have someone not related to talk to.l know l felt the same way about my stepfather.
Look into a child psychiatrist. As someone who has gone through childhood trauma, his response is normal. But the school counselor isn’t trained to help these situations.
You all need to see a counselor as a family he just found out that his mother just passed away
Wow if he is like that at 7, almost 8…i cannot imagine what he will be like older 
Sounds like he’s holding anger and hurt. He doesn’t understand things when it comes to why his bio mom wasn’t there etc. He needs counseling and outlet. I know you love him. But he’s small and so confused. Lashes that out with anger and mean words. And kids are so mean at that age.
Consider play/art therapist for him. School counsellors may not be best fit.
And sometimes he may not need discipline rather than just a hug. Just keep telling him how much you love him and aren’t going anywhere.
Your son needs counseling. Real counseling…not the school counselor. I suggest looking into love and logic parenting. It also sounds like you need counseling. You seem to have a lot of resentment, and this tough situation is only going to increase that. Your son is grieving in a lot of ways. Having a shitty mom who won’t get her shit together to be there for you sucks. I know. I am 27 and even when my mom was semi acting like a good mom, I find out she was talking shit about my dad to other people. My dad raised me as a single father until I was around 9 when my step mom came into the picture. My step mom has been understanding but realistic of the situation and of who my mother is. That has helped a lot. She doesn’t talk bad about my mom, but she isn’t going to lie to me either
He needs counseling to deal with the abandonment and death of his mom.
Have you thought about adopting him?
He’s acting out cause he feels lost.
Tell him that Yes you are not his biological mother but you will to raise him like your own child
This child is dealing with a lot at such a young age. How would you feel if your mother had not wanted you, that she died and now you can never confront get and get answers from her. He does not need to be disciplined. You should try family counseling. I would confront his birth mithers family get information about her and start him some kind of album or scrap book of her such as school pictures and indo on her lijes,lives,. He needs to get to know his birth mom and this seems like the only way.
Aw…I’m sorry this is happening. Just know it doesn’t have anything to do with you. He is a little boy that has some pretty deep heavy thoughts that needs sorting out.
As much as I feel for you ,I feel for your son soooo much more THAT is a hell of a lot of changes for a child to go through never mind a adult from having a mum (involved or not) staying with gran to rearranging live to live with you and your husband, I would defo start with counciling, I would maybe go to grans and ask for a chat just you and him and gran let him know u understand he maybe confused but reassure you love ,miss and always will be there for him maybe encourage dad to have 1 to 1 days just them where dad just listens to what he has to say xx
Mad is sads bodyguard, he needs to feel this now, keep being there for him, it will get better, it may take a long time but he has just been dealt with big scary news.
Let Grandma spend time with him. She may be able to get him to deal with why he is do mad. But always include him in everything you do.
He needs grief counseling. Also an outlet to get out his anger. Find a great children’s counselor and get him in that. Also enroll him in something like karate or something along those lines. If he was older I would suggest kick boxing. Also he needs to be with you and his dad. The 2 of you are ultimately the ones that set his rules because you are his parents. You love him like your own and he will see that eventually but for now he needs some outlets.
you really need some help with that please do it now before he gets any older or there will probably be bigger problems
He’s 7 years old, hes been billed, he found out his mom died, hes grieving the memories he had with her. She’s not ruining your life from the dead. Be respectful.
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He needs counseling and you all need family counseling as well. That is a lot to deal with.
Less punishment, and definitely family therapy. I hope that your able to work it out with this young man, he is hurting. 
Biggest issue is that you withheld information about his mother for an extended period of time and waited where he has an opinionated conscious. A four year old may not understand fully, but its also good so that they won’t be so overly emotional. You as a step mom should not hold it against his mother for dying, nor should you feel as if you are a victim here. You are a parent and he’s only seven, and in his defense, you broke his heart. Youre expecting him to comprehend to respect you based on just raising him and the good things. Focus on what you could do better and then be better
I highly suggest a child therapist or psychologist, not just the school counselor. You should all also do family therapy together.
What about family counseling? That may be a good place to start. As well as his own counseling outside of the school counselor.
My suggestion to you is to get him in to see a counsellor right away as soon as possible he can get his anger out there…
Professional family counseling and individual. MIL may have to partake too.
A unified front is what it will take
School counselors are not always as informed as you may think…I would spend the money and invest in your families future… the problems you have now will only get worse as they become teanagers… inquire about experience with these topics …ask others who they have gone to and were happy with… it will only work if all family members are involved… should be able to discuss things as individuals and in a group forum with the counselor control…must work through the anger and pain , obviously you both have both…
Keep telling him you love him even if he says he hates you you are not his Mom , just say you love him any way and always will .
Maybe a break is in order like stay with family or something then all come back to the house at the same time and say this is gonna be the way it is or your going to be best friends with time out and no phone electronics ect
You need to take care of yourself right now. I am not a counselor. I have 2 daughters and 6 Grandsons. The darts thrown at uingss by children, siblings and other relatives hurt the most.
it sounds as if you all need professional counseling including the mil
I think all of this is too much for a 7 year old too handle. and his dad needs to handle his direspectfullness towards you. Plus a little counseling would help too.
this kids has issue work threw them together.we are parents no matter what
Ok… I am raising my grandson have since he was 2 1 /2 mo. My daughter his mother , came to live with us with him , yet she didnt care for.him, then she left at 6 mo and she was off I filed for temp. Custody and it was granted. Then at 2 1 /2 years she shows back up and says I am his mom , back to court for 2 years we spent in court and him visiting per court order. Her rights taken away but yet court let her have visitation. HE then 4 1 /2. Until 7 it was hell, then she committed suicide . I told him she died and what happened. In our town too many people knew and I wanted to tell him instead of someone else saying it the wrong way. At 11 he started some issues, reason… he was mad. Not at me but her. He wanted to know why she didnt love him , why she wasnt around, why she would do that, he wanted answers he knew he was never going to get. Also do you know what it feels like to have your MOM walk away from you and give you up like your nothing. ? Fortunately for my grandson I did. So we were able to talk. Question what kind of relationship do him and grandparents have? Did the grandparents want him to leave their home? Second, he needs hugs and someone he can talk to.
Sounds like he needs counseling and y’all need family counseling together
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Child psychologist and maybe some family counseling would help. Praying for you and your family🙏🏽
He needs counseling and play therapy to help him grieve. He’s dealing with a lot right now.
Be patient love him and never give up he’s hurting right now
Sending him away to Grandmas isn’t going to help your situation!!! If anything you just made him feel like LESS of a child to you!
He needs family couseling.A therapist that he can see weekly to help him
Just love him as much as you can
Smother him with love
Let him get away with little things for now, it’s likely he’s doing those things for attention anyways
Seek therapy. He’s in great pain. You all deserve the help abs support.
Poor kids.life is fecked and u want to hit him .he’s better off with the mil who didn’t overstep …ur man phoned her she didn’t swoop in …if ur no happy leave .and let then get on with it
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I would advise to take him to her graveside, so he can grieve, needs good counseling too.
You all should be in family counseling. Including you mil. He cannot be allowed to control this situation. God Bless all of you.
He needs actual therapy not a school counselor
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Hes going through a lot. Let him go with his grandparents.
He may need outside counseling
That poor boy. He needs time to grieve, he should have been told. Shame.
Definitely needs some help sorry for you all
He needs counseling and he needs a real counselor not the school.
Get the kid a therapist, you’ll be glad you did in a year.
He can learn he came to God from your #HeartMe
I think counseling would be helpful
Get everyone into counseling. 
Tell him : you , you are right and hug him lots
I think the 7 year old needs to see his own therapist because he has a lot of sadness anger and resentment inside. I know it’s hard not to take it personal, but try your hardest because he is a child and doesn’t know how to express his feelings.sorry your going through this
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I think your mother in law is trying her best to give you a break, sounds like you need it! But in the long term giving this child everything he wants is not going to help him, he needs to get used to being with you and your family. It’s perfectly normal that he’s rebelling because you have a new child on the way, he’s feeling pushed out, and I’m sure you have not done anything to perpetuate that theory but that’s just the conclusion every child reaches when new siblings appear. How do you think he would feel if you offered to become his real mom through adoption? Maybe he just wants to feel as loved and wanted as his sibling, it might be worth asking him, poor kid has so many issues it’s no wonder he’s an unholy terror!
Don’t take it personally and just try and be there for him it’s his own personal battle with his bio mothers passing and abandonment. Just keep reminding him that you may not be his bio mom but you are the one that’s there and always will be. Try to find someone he feels comfortable talking to , a healthier way to channel that anger coping skills and how to feel what he needs to feel and move on. Not forget just move on and accept.
It is time for family counseling.
He’s not your child
For peace let him stay at his granny better for you
I can’t see why you’re taking it this hard you should be glad hes gone to his grandparents
Dr. Jody Carrington is top notch. She is in olds
It is A LOT for a 7 year old to handle!! My daughter is now 12 but when she was 7, my ex husband (the man who raised my daughter) him and I split. He moved in quickly with a female who informed my daughter that he should not have to see her as he isn’t really her dad. I then had to explain to my daughter that her father has never been around. He actually has no rights and sits in prison most of the time. He was EXTREMELY abusive 7 of the 9 years we were together and she is the reason I left. But, for about 2 years it was HELL!!! My daughter showed no respect, hated me and everyone I knew. I was a single mom with no family. She made false claims that got CPS involved. Best advice I can give is seek therapy for him and for your family as a whole. Keep stern with the rules and just reassure him you love him. He will realize that you DONT HAVE TO LOVE HIM OR BE THERE FOR HIM, but you chose to be because he is worth it!! My daughter and I have had the best relationship that is SO strong the past 2 years after so many nights I spent in the shower crying my eyes out. It is SO easy to get upset with the child and i understand the sending him to grandmas house, but at the same time that says in a kids mind, “we are sending you away because you are bad”. I have been at my witts end and understand, it is going to take time, patience and understanding on everyone’s part. He needs someone safe to help him process the emotions he is not sure how to deal with. Best wishes and love sent your way
Try not to take it personal. Get him some counseling, he is hurting so bad. It will help you also.
He should of been told straight away about his bio mums passing instead of leaving it till he got bullied. He is 8 what do u expect from him he is a child with feelings and emotions and is grieving and angry and sad. Start spending time with him just the 2 of u and actually talk and listen instead of yelling and arguing.
Get him into therapy ASAP!
Sounds like he needs therapy and maybe he picked up a mental illness from mom?
Get that child right now and sit his rotten ass down!
Get him into counseling immediately!
He is yours and your husband’s NOT grandma’s! Do not confuse him more! And do NOT allow him to get his way!!
Your entire family needs therapy.
Allowing him to disrespect you is wrong and allowing grandma to save the day is also wrong. But he needs to know that his behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Do not allow his negativity to break you. He doesn’t get to play those games, he’s 7, you’re the adult. Tough love.
Therapy for all.
And a good sport like Martial arts.
He needs help before it gets worse. Firm, love, and some grace.
But be clear that he does not get to call the shots. You need to take care of you as well.
You love him, that’s obvious, but you are also the only mom he’s ever known. He’s taking his getting bullied out on you. He’s manipulating the entire family. The pity party needs to end and healing needs to begin.
Prayers and blessings to your family! It’s not going to be easy, but don’t give up!! He cannot have more people in his life give up on him.
He. Is. Seven!
Go get your son, get him in counseling! He’s a child who has feelings & emotions! He lost someone & wasn’t even told so he could properly grieve! She may have been a POS mom but it doesn’t mean that he didn’t love her & care about her. He’s grieving. He’s hurting. Y’all not even telling him has caused more hurt.
Well she is being very Patient so I TOTALLY disagree with you on that Part.
2nd) Yes, the entire Family needs Counseling
3) Yes he needs a Good Spanking
4).Yes, the Child is Angry and Hurt, becuz of the Teasing at School
5) But it seems as if you have some Insecurities regarding the Child and how to Parent him, and he senses it.
6) and when he says you are not my Mom, what do you say. Well, But I love you as my Son. No, No, say I am your Mom and I Love you. Period. Just let him.no that he is so Wonderful and BEAUTIFUL that it would be impossible for anyone not to Love Him. I hate that you and Family are going thru this, especially when this should be a very HAPPY time for You,
But. You and your Husband cannot feel guilty- that comes across as well. Just tell him that you Love him. Call him everyday and just say We Love and Miss You, but he needs to stay with Grandma for now. Until his Loss and Grief can be addressed with a Psychiatrist (for entire Family)
The Young Child is Hurting- but he has to get this resolved, if he feels like he is a ('nobody’s cuz his Mom didn’t want him,
could be what he is feeling ’ you don’t have control over how his emotions and the real truth gets twisted cuz he is so Young) he could take his anger out on the other two Children. Just keep Loving him, but he needs Boundaries, and he cannot be Disrespectful. That is Out.
Hope you Pray-- If you have a Church Home. ask your Pastor for guidance and Prayer as well.
For one he does not need to be told about how crappy his mum was she was his mum and I’m sorry but u can’t replace her. Maybe he needs to be away from the negativity about his mum so he can grieve properly. He’s 7 give the kid a break
I’m assuming his real Mom was an addict ? This poor kid has been through so much. He needs a real professional to help him right now, not a school counselor. Stop thinking about you and your husband and put yourself in this poor child’s shoes. Let his paternal Grandmom help him grieve right now. And tell your Mom to butt out of it, she’s ignorant and you can’t blame her I guess, that generation didn’t know how to handle the big emotions and so they beat their kids. Much easier, lot less efficient !
Your mother is an idiot.You don’t spank a child for expressing about how he feels with the information given to him.Through no fault of his own he has to process this for years to come.Ffs!!
He needs therapy to help himself and take some stress off you. If he can understand (the best he can remember his Brian is still developing) some things better and you can too its a win win. Sounds like attachment disorder
How did kids at school even know your were his step mom?
Someone has been in his ear . An adult .
Sadly some kids are just horrors. Grandmother needs to be really strict .so strict that he wants to come home. A new baby coming could make him feel insecure , as someone might have told him you won’t love him when the new baby arrives.
Might need more than a school counceller.
He’s just hurting. Find him someone to talk to. Boys don’t really know how to deal with emotions and anger. Child therapist, counselor or psychiatrist.
He NEEDS COUNCILING ASAP
Therapy for him and for the family.
He doesn’t know what to do with his emotions. He is sad, he is hurt and trying to find ways to cope even if that means taking his anger out on you guys. He needs lots of therapy and love, big time. I know what its like to lose a parent, I can only imagine how confusing and hurtful it is for someone so young! I’m still grieving after 4 years of my mom being gone, it is going to take a long time for him to heal it doesn’t matter if he spent a lot of time with her or not, it still hurts the same. I do not recommend whooping, that will solve nothing and make things even worse.
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I know it hurts and I know it’s hard. We need to be patient with children especially in this situation. They are too young to deal with any of this. He needs therapy for sure (school counselor is not enough) and you both need to show him as much love as you can. When he gets out of control hug him. Let him know you love him and know he’s hurting and that your there for me even though all you “feel” like doing is whooping him. It won’t do any good.
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You are right, he is grieving, not just the death of his bio mum, but partly because he wasn’t told earlier, part of grief is anger,part of that is finding someone to blame, unfortunately you were in the wrong place, denial is another strong reaction, sadness, and all that goes with it, all these reactions I’ve seen happen to one of my niece’s when her mum died.she stayed with her dad’s mum, this did work, one thing they did was also make sure that her dad did keep in contact. It took a long while but eventually an agreement was made, and she returned home. Take care of yourself and baby, take each day and situation as it happens, remember you have done nothing wrong,
Man, I can’t even imagine thinking I should beat grief out of a child.
He needs therapy, love, and patience.
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His bio mom reheated him and now there is a new baby coming, he is afraid of rejection again … simple as that! Reassure him that he is loved and make him apart of the preparations. Family counseling could be beneficial as
Well, both before and after baby comes.
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The whole family needs to get into family counseling immediately… he is sad & angry because his mother abandoned & rejected him in life and again in death and he’s taking it very hard & internalizing it and blames himself and feels unlovable… he needs lots of one on one time with his father & with you too… lots of hugs & listening…he’s grieving and broken hearted that he will never have the love he wanted from his mother and he’s building walls & pushing you away when what he really wants is more love…I lived his life…
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I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to be there for him and show him you love him as your own when his own blood mother refused and he’s just horrible to the people that actually care about him. I don’t think now is the time to fight with him. You have a baby that needs you and stress on a pregnant mother can take a toll on the baby’s well being even if it doesn’t cause you to go into labor early. Let him go to his grandmas and take a breath and try not to think about it for a little while. and I’d definitely tell her to get him a therapist and on some meds. I think you did a really good thing trying so hard to show love to a kid who’s so hateful to you but now it’s time to focus on your baby. The constant fighting he causes will make a very bad environment for a baby to grow up in.
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He needs therapy, love and compassion, not whoopings and punishments. The poor kid just lost his mother after being abandoned long before. He probably had secret hopes she’d come back and now its hitting him that it will never happen. He’s lashing out because he’s hurt and might even feel like you took his mom’s place. He’s probably scared you’ll love your new baby more as well. Plus you guys didn’t tell him the truth about his mom at first! PLEASE show him more empathy & compassion. Its heartbreaking that he’s been thru so much at only 7💔
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He needs to see a therapist. A school counselor is not going to be able to do what a therapist can. He/she will be able to spend time with your son and get to the root of the problem, his mother’s passing and probably the new baby.l and the bullying. And then help provide him, and you and your husband with ways to cope and to help.
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It sounds like he is grieving and it can suck because he will butvthose feeling on who ever he can because he doesn’t know how to deal with them I would say get him in grieving therapy and be there for him yes you will get your feeling hurt and it sucks but when ya have kids its not about you
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Your son needs therapy not discipline. His bio mom rejected him and died. Do you have any idea the kind of emotional turmoil that puts into a child’s world? He is 7 he doesn’t have the coping tools or emotional regulation skills to deal with such complex feelings. He needs help. A School counselor isn’t enough, please please please if you love that child as much as you say you do get him solo therapy from a child psychologists AND family therapy to repair your bond with him
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I think at this stage it’s good for him to be with his Grandmother. I don’t think she is doing anything wrong but allowing him to live with her, he is going through sooo much and that is a lot of big feelings a little boy, im 26 and wouldn’t know how to cope with any of that.
He doesn’t need discipline right now he needs communication and comfort.
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This little boy has been through the wringer. He must be struggling so hard with his emotions. I think he needs more than a counsellor. Intense therapy might be a good idea. The whole family could probably do with therapy. Hang in there you are doing a great job.
He needs to talk to
A therapist. It sounds like he has so many emotions. He’s hurt and probably confused. Wether his bio mom was there or not. She was there for him for the fist three years of his life. She was still his mother. He’s grieving. Almost six months ago I lost my twin brother to Covid and I had to get my kids a therapist because they hurt just as much as you do when there is a loss. He’s angry.
Definitely get him in some therapy, he can hardly control his emotions at that age and then to have things that heavy on him it sounds like hes really struggling emotionally. I definitely understand how hard the situation must be for all of you I also have a son now 5 who is not biologically mine and he hasnt seen his bio mother since he was 1. It sounds like it’s just going to take alot of love and time to heal
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A school counselor is not the answer, you need to take him to a therapist that specializes I stuff like this. And letting him go live with his grandmother needs to end, he needs to learn to be respectful to his parents. Parents are not always blood, and you have helped raise him. Mil needs to back off and let y’all handle it.
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- he needs to move back in , but it will be worse for a while
- you and dad need to get him a counselor bc he is grieving the fact he will never have a chance of knowing his bio mom. That’s not something adults could deal with very well either
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I think you should send him to live with his grandma. It sounds like he relates better with her becsuse that’s where he feels safe. She was the first mother figure that he knows. As hard as that is for you & your husband, you both have to do what’s best for him. It’s too complicated & too noisy for him, I mean noisy in his head. Too much going on with your kids and the new baby. He may be going THRU alot of ANXIETY thinking if there’s going to be enough attention or love to go around. At his grandma’s he gets that with no competition & plenty of quality time alone with grandma. You can still keep in touch and maybe your husband can plan outings with him at first, to build a bond and a close relationship. Once he starts to trust that dad is not going anywhere . Than your husband can suggest to him if it’s ok to get together with his siblings. This will take alot of patience and being consistent. Your husband needs to make sure he can always make their outings. Plan ahead, clear his schedule for him. You’ll need to be patient too, I know it will be hard but I believe with both of you being on the same plan. It can work out. You both have to set aside what you guys want and listen to what he needs. ESPECIALLY if he’s been trying to tell you, he wants to go to his grandma’s. More importantly you need to talk to grandma about the plan. She also maybe able to help since she has a repor with him. God bless your family.
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He needs therapy. I can’t believe you guys thought maybe not to tell him about his Mother passing away? That’s horrible. All I hear is how this affects you. How about the seven year old grieving.
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I would say he needs to see a therapist. I had to take my daughter to four different ones before she found one that she could talk to and relate to she just didn’t like them for some reason the first three. So be patient and give it a try
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I thinks it’s time to actually get professional help. I don’t mean to be harsh but just based on the fact he hasn’t seen her since he was 4 and he is only 7 and saying these things is a huge flag that he has developed trauma from this situation. And the fact you decide to “whoop” him when he is feeling upset and practically crying out for help itself is probably causing him more trauma. Please get this him to see a therapist before this becomes a life long issue. And instead of worrying about what this is doing to your other kids maybe worry a lil more about how it’s affecting this one, he seems like he really needs a shoulder to lean on from what you’re saying.
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EMDR therapy? Something besides bulling has triggered him and he needs to process the pain. EMDR therapy helps for a loss of a parent.
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