Sounds to me like he probably has some unresolved issues with his mom. I’m sure he was angry with her before. Is she has passed and there’s no chance of her coming back. No chance to resolve things. And I’m sure that’s left him all kinds of confused. He could benefit from seeing someone to help him deal with the grief in a healthy way.
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Two words. Family therapy. He should have been in therapy long before now. But what did you expect was gonna happen when you told him the mom he hasn’t seen in 3 yrs died? He never got closure. He never got to day good bye. Even at such a young age these are huge emotions that hes going through. When adults get hit over and over again with emotional baggage we stop acting like ourselves and lash out. This is no different for children. It’s even worse probably bc they dont even know what is happening. He needs patience, and a professional. Him just staying at his grandmother isnt gonna do anything for his mental state, but could very likely draw an even bigger wedge between you all, especially with a new baby coming.
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What I’m reading is that your son has been abandoned by a woman who never loved him, and then he found out that he will never have an opportunity to have that woman love him because she’s now gone. Then I’m seeing that the reaction to it was instead of showing him unconditional love, he got passed onto another place because no one loved him enough at home to help him, and they wanted the new baby more. I’m not saying that these were your intentions by ANY means… but this is what a 7 year old sees… especially a 7 year old who is grieving and doesn’t know how to deal with those really strong emotions of abandonment and then loss. Your son needs to see professional help and to see unconditional love around him constantly. He needs to see and hear on a daily basis that you CHOSE him. That you loved him so much that you picked him out and CHOSE to be his mom through thick and thin. Family counseling with you, him and his father would do a world of good. Most importantly, it may not be get better over night, or over a few months… but it is important to show him the same amount of love and acceptance even when he’s doing poorly in school or struggling socially etc, over a long course of time. He’s hurt and grieving… this is something adults struggle with, let alone young children. Give it time, show love, and seek counseling for all of you.
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That baby needs counseling…the whole family does. He has alot going on and nobody is trained to help him sort through it all. Just be patient but firm. He still needs a routine and rules even while going through what he is but just let him express himself but in a respectful manner. I pray it all works out for you all and the new baby will be ok you only got 3wks to go!
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He definitely will need therapy. This is almost exactly what we went through and some of this is age. It’s so hard to cope with the loss of a parent even one you don’t know. Our son has spent a lot of time with a psychiatrist due the abuse from his mother and her traumatic death. He’s 12 and still has hard days. We just keep trying to lift him up and be there to listen when he needs it. Sometimes he still tells me he hates me and is resentful toward his siblings. But we just keep loving him and never stop trying. And I can understand how sending him to his grandparents seems like a good idea but I would bring him home and keep loving him and do your best to stay calm. When it escalates say you need a break and walk away to calm down. Don’t make him feel like his feelings are invalid. And just be the best mom you can be. None of us are perfect we just do what we can do.
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I’m thinking same as one of the others he has to of heard bad things about birth mother etc to be thinking like this. A young child that only knows you as a parent shouldn’t be this way. As I was not with my birth other from 1 year on and only thought of my adoptive mom as my mom hmmmm def needs thereot
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He needs therapy. I hope you get him the help he needs. Thus gas to be heartbreaking for you but imagine how he is feeling inside. He doesn’t know how to cope with it and he takes it out on you. In frustration. Prayers for your son and you as well.
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Send him to his grandparents, you don’t need that stress right now . No matter what he’s feeling he is 7 years old disrespect should not be tolerated .
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Therapy. Therapy with a licensed therapist and not just the school counselor. Not in a place where he has turmoil such as school.
He is hurting. He an outlet where he can talk and speak his mind. And there might be some other underlying issues too. New siblings could be a part of it, early hormones, school issues and so much more.
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I am sorry your family is going through this tough time. You must understand the child is 7 years old and does not know how to express himself and his emotions. He is sad his bio mom is no longer here and he never had the closure he needs to deal with that situation. I also feel he is jealous because you are pregnant and the baby is yours biologically and he is not. He sees himself as an outcast in the family. He does love you and his dad but is frustrated. I think the MIL needs to back away and the son needs to come home. You and your husband need to bring him home and sit him down and let him know how much he is loved and how important he is to the family. Let him know he is a Big brother and that is a lot of responsibility and you know he will do a great job. Right now he is scared and unsure of his place in your family. He needs to be reassured. I would also address the bullying situation 
he is overwhelmed and scared and needs to feel safe and loved. Yes you have been his mother since he was 1, but even though you are not his bio mom you are his mom. This is rough, but I understand how you feel. Breathe, and take it one day at a time, but make sure he understands how much you love him and need him in your life and family. Bring your baby back home and show him how much you care and love him. He is hurting so he will need extra love, patience and time.
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He was lied and to kept from knowing about his Bio-Mother passing for months. I know many say children don’t remember, but they do. I’m sure he remembered his mother regardless of how she was involved. As for the children in his school knowing, that’s the fault of the ones that knew the truth and spread it like wildfire gossip. They and you both should be ashamed. He’s grieving in the way he knows how to. Leave him with his Grandmother while he goes through this. She’s his comfort and has peace with her. He trusts her. Please find him family therapy. It’s not about you or your husband at this point Or your unborn child as you mentioned. It sounds like you have both already given up on a 7 year old. You both are his parents and need to put your love towards his health he so desperately needs.
Not for nothing but all parents are mentally exhausted. Please don’t place blame on a dead mother. She may have had her issues but she was still his Bio Mother. But we pull through it for our children.
I hope you both do talk positive about his Mother regardless of the way she was. He should remember her as he’s trying to remember her as. I’m sure she loved her son regardless of her demons. All Mothers do in they’re hearts.
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He needs therapy maybe not w school counselor. He is directing his anger at you and I don’t think he means any of what he is saying. He sounds like he has also been through a lot and most 7yr olds don’t experience half of what he has. I think being with his grandmother with same rules and discipline and regular visits and check ins from you and your husband will make him feel more secure in your family. Keep at it and do what is in his best interest
He is grieving and taking it out on you. Please consider getting him in some sort of counseling
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You need to take him to a certified therapist. Not just the school counselor. He obviously is going through alot as are you and your husband.
It is best for all of you to seek therapy. As a family and individually.
I wish you luck.
He needs to be in counseling, and not at school. As a step mom of 5 kids and bio to 2. I’ve heard you’re not my mom. And with raising neice and nephew that lost both parents when they were young. They don’t understand being abandoned. And every kid goes through the wanting mom and dad together. Therapy, rules, and go get your son. He will respect you and your husband in the long run.
Always patience an love always even tho I was not in the same situation I’ve learned from my own he is angry an his emotions will be up front an forward just choose to use patience an love he will come around an start communicating with you better !
Jesus he’s only a small fella. 7 isn’t 16 ffs. He’s lost his bio mum and even tho u were there from the start she is still his mother. Of course he’s grieving and rebelling. Imagine u would lose ur mom… 
Please have him evaluated for ODD my daughter was the same way until we got her properly diagnosed ! Yes a child with ODD is hard but if you put the time in to learning how to retrain your brain to be able to figure the moods out and help with therapy itll get better and easier! My daughter is still this way and is now 23 but she can now manage it without the mean and disrespectful demeanor and be a functioning adult!
He needs an outlet for his built up anger. Have you considered karate to help build his confidence and self esteem or something that will teach him about teamwork? You need family therapy and do not exclude family therapy. Have you considered maybe it’s best he’s with grandma right now while you’re so close to giving birth to another child? The fact you’re having a baby could also be triggering some outbursts as he may feel like he’s being replaced.
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Grief in young children often presents as anger and aggression.
I only read half this sorry, but it sounds like he cant control his emotions or doesn’t know how to deal with them.
My son has autism, his father stopped contact when his great aunt passed away, this didnt help as he doesnt know how to handle his emotions… he started blaming himself for his father abandoning him, and came off with comments like he wants to kill himself… this took about 2 years, on top of all this social services took him out of my care and lied on reports, placed him in my mums care and has lived with my mum half his life now (he’s 10, I was physically ill and hospitalised with emergency surgery on standby when social services decided to take him from me) so my son had this to deal with too… its all down to depression and unable to handle emotions. Hes now referred to mental health team for camhs tho covid has postponed this atm.
I’m saying my story how my child reacts because its kinda similar… your son has gone through alot, he was then bullied in school about his bio mum at such a young age too with grieving on top of this. He doesnt mean the hateful things he says to you, hes channeling his emotions into anger because he isn’t coping with his emotions he doesnt know how to deal with them… the best you can do is give him space when he kicks off, seek mental health help for him to try help him channel his emotions and over come the bullying he went through.
Keep having him go to counseling by himself and with you and your husband and maybe bring in the grandparents as well
Speaking from a clinical standpoint, he needs actual trauma/grief therapy, with someone who specializes in childhood trauma…NOT a school counselor. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a school counselor but that is just a secondary option a back-up so to speak. I highly suggest a specialized child trauma/grief therapist once a week and school counselor once a week provides twice a week interaction. Find out what the school therapist is working on with him, I would think it is predominantly school related behavioral issues and that is great for outside the home. Get him to the specialized therapist. That will help tremendously with at home issues. I’m sharing this as a foster parent/adoptive parent and mental health clinician. Also, if you do follow my advice, dont be surprised if it gets worse before it gets better or if the behavior fluctuates. That means its working! Lol
Also grief comes in stages, and children will fantasize what life would be like with that “missing” parent. That is IMPORTANT to remember. It took me a long time to get past that, the insane need/want/desire for the parent they never met or that neglected/abused them… But its that “fantasy” they create to be able to cope.
You need to pack up and leave before it does get worse. If he is this way now then he could possibly end up hurting you or someone else. You need to do what is best for that 7yr old and that’s obviously you needing to leave.
I don’t believe spanking him will help. That will only make him more angry. He definitely needs therapy and it could help all of you in the long run.
Maybe talk with the bio moms mother to see if she still has something of hers that she can give the son. Maybe a picture in his room of her.
Ugh my heart breaks for him… please put him in therapy hes grieving but he has no clue how
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It would be good for you and him to go to therapy together and with dad also, either all as a group or one of you each at a time with him. Find a therapist who has dealt with trauma and can work with him on EDMR and/or brainspotting.
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Awe this is heartbreaking.I think the best place for him to be is with the grandmother.I feel so bad for him.
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He is upset and needs someone to blame. You are the easiest target.
Get over yourself lady, it’s not about you! He’s in pain!!! PERIOD! Find a grief consular!!!
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He needs counseling, you as a family needs counseling. Prayers for a good counselor, prayers for the “bullies” , prayers for your so, prayers for you and your husband. Prayers for your family. Talk with God. I pray that your believing God will take care of this with his guidance in this. Keep showing your son Love. Involve him with aspects of the growing family. Give lots of hugs. Keep praying.
Therapy, therapy, more therapy, and just when you think you’re good… therapy.
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Why. Has. He. Not. Been. Put. Into. Therapy. You don’t go and tell a child his mother has died and not get him some help.
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First off, he should have been told IMMEDIATELY about her death and been allowed to attend the service for her so her could properly grieve. You all not giving him that raises so many questions about your parenting.
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I dealt with this behavior from my own at the time 7 yr old. I had just gotten her back. Her father put me in a really difficult situation and kicked me out on the street with her. I had no one to help me. Dss got involved and I lost her. I was struggling so hard for 6 years trying to figure a way to get myself together. I finally got her back and my daughter resented me, hated me, was very difficult to handle. Her father put bad things into her head plus she was then completely neglected from him. She even wished me dead etc. As the years have passed I still had many issues. She needed therapy. I got her therapy and did what I could to help her. But when she turned 15 things were getting worse again. We have had our ups and downs. It just takes time and patience. But do get your son into therapy so he can get worked on and help to understand whats going on and why he does the things he does and how can he change things to make it right. Hopefully he wont go through this for long. And maybe things will change when the baby comes. However I would suggest that he needs to move back home. He is your son and not your MILs. You both need to be parents and find positive ways into coping and getting through this and maybe you all need family counciling.
Therapy is needed. That’s pretty traumatic.
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He needs connection! I would take him on regular “dates” one-on-one with each of his parents. Regularly. He’s 7 and dealing with a lot. Show him the love he’s so desperately asking for.
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You need professional advice.
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I didn’t finish reading .to long.but I’m sure everything turned out Ok
Anger Management Counciling is also very good and worth a try
He’s 7. Don’t beat him. At 7 he can’t express his feelings correctly atleast not until he’s taught. I would not use unkind words, or let him feel any tension. We are the adult. We must set an example. Is it hard? Of course. Kids pick up on others emotions you don’t even gotta say anything. Sounds like the little guy is struggling. Is dad even concerned? Find him a good counselor maybe include yourself in a few sessions. Let him see he’s not a burden to you and he does matter
Get that boy into therapy. There is an underlying issue that he needs to discuss with someone and he obviously doesnt want to discuss it with you. Hes not going to respect you more if you disciple him for having feelings (feeling no respect towards you or your husband is the way he feels). Hes a whole person too.
Set up therapy for him
There was no need to tell him and the husband shutting down is not helping. He needs discipline instead of y’all letting him do whatever he wants. This is only going to get worse by the time he reaches puberty
Fallon any words of advice or encouragement?
She is dead and gone is the saddest thing that could come out your mouth, regardless of the situation and what kind of relationship does son and mother have you would never know what it’s like to lose a parent even if you didn’t see him, secondly your son needs therapy clearly he’s showing signs of depression, lack of interest in school lack of interest in home lack of interest in anything 3rd stop trying to be his mother his stepmother or any figure without earning his trust first because without earning a boy’s trust literally you’re just there, regardless if you’ve been there since he’s one 4thly you have to remind yourself he is a boy oh, they get mad they get angry they get upset and they do not know how to control or manipulate the situation on their behalf so they act out of control, him being with the grandmother is a fantastic idea that way you don’t go into early labor he’s getting attention that he needs and your other child safe at the end of the day he needs love understanding remind him that he is important as well
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Agree with therapy. He’s hurting.
It needs to be said that Mom your doing the best you can 
I pray that this lil guy starts to realize how lucky he truly is to have people that care enough to " Scramble" to try to help him 
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Did not read all of it but a child doesn’t understand and says those things to cope don’t take to heart and just continue being there for him. It’s hard but we can change some things all we can do is show love and understanding it’s not his fault. Hope it helps
Unfortunately he will always have a problem because of this. It is trauma and his response is normal. Just keep up being loving parents and seek trauma counseling. My son was adopted by my white hisband, son is mixed, my ex is extremely abusive and would be in prison for attempted murder if I hadn’t lied to the DA (battered wifes syndrome). Basically, my son knows an extremely violent and terrible man physically made him and hasn’t seen him since he was fpur months old. He constantly brings up wanting to kill him etc. I am afraid it will affect how he sees himself. All we can do as parents in tricky situations is keep your cool, get professional help, and accept some hurts don’t disappear. One day he will be telling you how grateful he is for you. Hang in there mama. Added note, welcome his self expression, calmly accept his feelings. Don’t try to battle him or discipline him out of it. Professional help is the most important thing for all of you.
I would recommend a psychologist instead of a school counselor if it is possible. I’m sorry your family is going through this 
Hold on a minute if this bully hadn’t of said anything you wouldn’t of told him that his own mother had died (whether she was there or not) that is still his mother and to be be honest all I can hear is I I I I I me me me what about that poor boy he’s still lost his mum whether she was bad or what ever stop degrading her no wonder he’s acting out she’s dead and gone your an absolutely disgusting I think he’s actually better off not living with you if I was his grandmother I’d keep him well away from you looks like your the one that’s no good for him and needs to be kept away from I bet his bio mum wouldn’t of given him whopping
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Combined families are tough. Smh…
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
Poor child 
he needs a therapist. He can’t deal with this
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get him back from mil. get him in therapy. Nd take everything away till he attitude changes. do NOT. let ur mil over step u and ur hubby. a good ass whooping would probably be beneficial too but 
Praying for your family.
Bless yalls hearts.He needs therapy lots of it.Praying for all of you
Absolutely do not whoop him.
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Poor kid. Therapy, ASAP. Also, shitty advice from your mom. Dont hit him.
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God he would be so confused and lost. Bless him. Ill keep him in my prayers…
Im speaking on behalf of the very young dumb girl i still have inside me… I HATED my mum. My bio dad left with another woman when i was around 7… My mum never once run him down infront of me. I had little too none memorys of this man. But his absence impacted my life n mental state in way noone expected, i guess…
I hated my mum. For NO REASON… I guess i blamed her for why my bio dad run of with a 15 yr old girl who he later married and created a whole new family with…i blamed mum for why i was getting bullied at school, i got in alot of physical fights with older girls and i turned to drugs and would pack my bag and run away from mums (with no destination or thought out plan) i would sleep in the streets… Knowing there was a nice warm bed waiting for me at home. My mum worked hard. Man she worked her ass off for us 4 kids. She stayed alone for some time just focusing on us kids… Now days, i cringe at ANY MEMORYS i harbour from my teens n childhood …
YOU ARR NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG. Dont for one second doubt yourself. The way my mum stood beside me through every thing i dragged her through, ill never forget. Ill never forget the pain i put her through and to this day, i spend every second making it up to her. Im 4 yrs sober from a heavy 10 yr heroin/ meth addiction and i have recently moved far away from my mum but its a positive move. We keep close (daily) contact and shes travelling the 3 days here just to see me and her grand kids… This will take time, but i guess what im trying to say is underneath all that hate and hurt his laid on his chest, i promise you, its YOUR LOVE that will get him through. If u love him and u hate seeing him hurting like this, theres nothing you can do to ease him, you just stand there. Beside him. Let him know you are there, through hatred and all… Dont leave his side (metaphorically)… Cos thats what mums are for… And when he gets through his situation its you his guna appreciate and love. After all, YOU ARE HIS MUM!
Goodluck. Im always here to talk.
Blessed be.
The best thing you can do is to stop trying to force your will on this baby. Let him be with grandma if that is were he’s happy at, you’re the stepmom and he is not going to let you forget it. You don’t think his mom was ish and maybe those vibes come out when dealing with the lil boy.
He is only 7. My kiddo is 8. They still have so much to work through emotionally. Imagine being abandoned by your birth mom, living with your grandparents until he was 4, then, everything changed and now he has moved into a home, with you and his dad, away from his grandparents, to only find out that his birth mom DIED 3 years ago! His life is completely flipped upside down. He is trying to work through his emotions and clearly doesn’t know how and it looks like he blames you for all of the change, which in any child’s eye, in this situation, they would do the same. Bless you for stepping up and being the mother to him, but he is only 7. He doesn’t realize what he is saying or I guess the IMPACT of what he is saying. He probably is feeling replaced…etc. Show him love, understanding, talk to him, validate his feelings. Say “I know or I understand all of this is hard.” The kid just wants to be heard. And he is probably going to need a family counselor. School counselor’s are great, but they are dealing with 100’s of children. He needs a family counselor of his own. Also, try allowing him to be a part of the pregnancy, maybe he can help decorate the nursery or pick out something for the nursery, include him in the naming process, divide it down to 3 or so names you have picked out and ask him for his choice. Make him feel like he is part of the family, he needs it.
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Tell him you know that he is not the child that you gave birth to, but he was the bonus when you married his dad. Let him know that no matter what you will always be there for him. He is only 7 and at this point actions are much louder than words. The younger child doez need more attention, but include him in on caring for his younger sibling. It can be done. My son and daughter-in-law have a blended family with her son, his daughter and their 2 daughter’s. You can not tell they are blended when you see them together.
He’s only 7 and trying to deal with all this. In your shoes, I would definitely be seeking out grief counseling for the child and family counseling for everyone.
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It sounds like he’s having a hard time processing everything. I would definitely suggest he see a therapist outside of the school counselor.
I’m sure he’s feeling rejected by his bio mom since she didn’t see him for the last three years, resentment since nobody told him she had passed, lack of closure from his mom passing (didn’t go to the funeral), etc.
I would also not talk negative about his bio mom in front of him that could cause resentment/hostility as well.
Sounds like he may need some counseling. That baby is hurting and confused. I’m sure being bullied only adds fire to it. He’s taking it out on you, he doesn’t mean it. He needs someone to blame.
Professional counseling for him and for all of you together.
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Bring that boy home and get him into counciling. U cant just send him away because he says so. Get him some help and deal with the issue.
couldn’t read this all, Sorry, but i will agree…he NEEDS help NOW & this should have been done a long time ago, whether his mom was still alive or not,
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Sounds to me like he needs therapy! A lot of adopted and foster kids have issues with exactly this and listening to what their new guardians say. I can’t remember the correct term… All I can say is therapy and no matter what he may say to you reassure him no matter what you love him and will be there for him.
I realize that you have been in this child’s life since he was a 1yr. old and probably more so than his bio mom ever was but in all reality you are not his mommy - I went thru this same sorta situation with my son but his bio dad thank goodness didn’t pass away he just at the time chose other women and their children over mine. I remarried and my husband asked my sons for my hand in marriage and he let them know that he wasn’t here to replace their dad by any means but to be here for them as a father figure and for wants or needs they had - we’ve been married now going 29yrs. and both my sons respect him highly but they still love their bio dad even though he hasn’t been a big part of their lives. I guess what I’m saying is let him know that you are sorry that his mom is no longer here and that you are sure she loved him in her own way - let him know that you aren’t by any means trying to replace his mom but that you are there as a mom figure for him and the mom of his siblings and that you love him as much as you love your own two bc they are all apart of the same man and family his dad. No matter what kind of person his bio mom was don’t ever speak down or badly of her to him that will only make him resent you more. Let him know that she loved him so much and wanted nothing but the best for him and that she knew in her heart she couldn’t do it for him at that time in her life and bc of such love she did whatever it was she did - she is no longer a threat to you but you could be a threat to yourself and your relationship with this child. Remember he is only going on 8 speak on his level not like he is an adult. Good luck and God Bless you all - some things take time to accept.
Love, Love, Love him.
I couldn’t even read past the beginning. That poor kid needs to grieve the loss of his biological mom and he needs help with that 
. Get him counseling!!!
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Therapy for all of you as has been said. But has the school bullying been addressed and stopped? Sounds like this is the root of much of this.
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Alright…so my dad isn’t technically my bio dad either. I’ve always called him Dad, but that was MY choice. He’s aware he’s a step dad, but he has acted in a way where to me, he’s earned the title. So while I understand your frustration, it’s not your place to label yourself his “mom” or him as your “son”. It may come across as you’re trying to replace that role, which cannot be replaced, truthfully. All you can do is get him therapy which is clearly needed, and let him know even if he doesn’t think of you as a mom, you choose him and love him as a son, even if that’s not biologically the case.
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Sounds like it is time for family therapy
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You all need to see therapists sepetate and together as well as councillors the school one aint enough for him either he needs help
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Just keep showing him how much you love maybe even take him to the cementary and let him put flowers on the grave that might help that way it will show that he can still care for his mother and that you care about him to let him do that for his mom prayer that y’all make it through this with him being happy
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A school counselor is NOT a real outlet for him. He needs real counseling. A school counselor does not count.
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I know this may be hard but you need to stop calling out the fact that you raised him and bio mum didn’t. If that is coming across in the home he will always have a problem with you. Rightly or wrongly his behaviour is a reaction to what he has been through. His mum abandoned him and now he will never get the answers he needs from her. He needs to see a proper therapist. As for the MIL she probably thinks you all could do with a break. I can imagine how hurt you are feeling but remember he is just a child and he is hurting too. Him staying at grandmas house isn’t status for him “winning” and you and your husband “losing” it’s about comfort for the boy until you find a new path to try and navigate down. Wishing you all the best.
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A school counselor is not a therapist, he needs therapy ASAP there is no way a 7 year old is going to be able to know how to handle grief on their own. He needs to come home and get professional help. And do not let your mother in law dictate how this situation is handled. Seems like it’ll only make things worse involving other parties who can just put more crap in his head. Also y’all have custody you don’t need her permission to bring your child home to get him help. And ASAP as it’s only going to get worse.
I think what makes this harder is this child is grieving a parent he didn’t fully get a chance to know. Maybe dad or you feel mom was crap but he still loved her and will idolize her because that’s his mom. This boy needs therapy and unconditional love. I don’t think it’s a bad thing he went back with grandma for a bit if that’s his safe place and he’s having trouble. Just let him know you love him regardless and unconditionally
He needs love and a big hug. And maybe that will allow him to have a good cry, scream, or whatever he needs. Your son has had alot of grown up realities to deal with at a young age. He needs to talk to a therapist that is licensed and trained to help kids dealing with problems. Maybe get an outlet for his emotions too with a hobby or sport. Then he’ll have undiscovered talents to give him some confidence. Kids need love, understanding, and consistency. Your husband and you need to be a united front and let him know that you’re both his pillars of strength. He seems lost and angry. I wish you the best outcome and hope to hear a happy update in the near future. Hugs, love and good vibes my friend. You’ve got this.
He needs a child therapist. Do it now before it gets worse.
Oh my gosh that’s heartbreaking.
I agree though, mother in law is hugely over stepping and it’s only going to make the problem worse.
I can’t even begin to understand how hard it must be but I can empathize to a degree, my daughter often lashes out, tells me she hates me and I’ve ruined " everything " because her Dad left… even though we’re blessed that he’s actively involved she’s completely crushed, throws tantrums, started really lashing out which is completely out of her normal character, often makes comments about how " dad would let me " and " you made dad leave " ect and i feel hopeless because I he did leave but I also don’t think it’s appropriate at all to play the blame game… so I just take it because she’s only 4.
I think personally you need to get your son back, keep being firm, discipline where necessary because as I’m sure you know children aren’t as emotionally mature as adults, be might think he means it but I can guarantee he doesn’t, he’s hurt and probably so confused, ans likely feeling partly responsible or feelings of why wasn’t I enough for her to be here ect, just remember he loves you and his dad, it will pass and he will realize how blessed he his that you have stuck by him during this and all the years before.
Get him home, even when he lashes out just keep telling him you love him and your so sorry he’s hurting, never let him have the upper hand though he’s not an adult so he doesn’t gdt to make adult decisions on where he lives.
I think both you ans your husband should look into counseling together, not because you have problems but because it could really help you both have a different understanding ans tools of how to help your son, ans even have joint sessions with him as well, a " safe place " if you will to express how your feeling.
Also as a side note, I just wanted to say
So often you see " step parents " wash they’re hands of they’re step children or say things like " my husband’s kid " and I absolutely love how you’ve completely embraced that he is your son as well,
You got this mama your already smashing it you just need to keep up with the follow through xxx
Therapy! Y’all need therapy, it will help soooooo much. Good luck!
He needs a better counselor that can handle abandonment and grief issues. And dad just sent him away while he’s struggling so he prob trusts neither of you or believes you love him now. Y’all are going to need family therapy as well to repair the relationship and trust between y’all and him.
Therapy please. My 16 year old’s dad died when she was 14. They did not have a strong relationship and it had been some time since she had seen him. I didn’t give her the choice of wanting or not wanting to go, at 14 that is too much too process on her own and I was not going to be the support she needed. Please help your kiddo move through the grieving process in a healthy way.
Good grief he’s 7. He lost his mom, dad is remarried having children who have a real mom & dad,right in his face. He got no “goodbye” to his mother. & You are mad because he wants to go to his grandmother who has helped raised him while you go birth another child? & You think he should have “no say” in his life? Hasn’t he lost enough that he couldn’t control?
It sounds like perhaps letting him be with Grandma & him implementing & integrating time with dad & family would be best for this young man.
He needs way more one on one time & patience than he’s being offered. & He needs deep personal counseling, not a school counselor & some “whooping”…
Put HIM FIRST & let him go get the help he needs and is asking for. It’s better than self harm, a child suicide, or hurting his siblings in anger.
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So outside opnion from one mom to another 1) he needs outside counciling school counselors are great but they won’t help in the long term basis 2) he could have a behavioral issue example : depression,bi poor ect should at least check it out 3) it sounds like he’s lashing out and very well could be overwhelmed he’s 7 and all he sees is kids with both of their parents and he only gets one not to mention he might be angry he never got closer from his mom and even if he doesn’t remeber her or remember why he never saw her they are still connected also being 7 doesn’t mean you know how to handle all of your emotions he’s still figuring out where his place is in the family now that he knows the truth let’s be honest what did you expect to happen after everything came out and the only reason it did was because he was hearing it at school first ( iv been there and it sucks I hated it) so to him you both lied and keep a very big secret from him. 4) mil probably took him to help ease the tension and give you guys a break nothing wrong with it yes he should get a small say because he’s the one that has to deal with what he chooses just saying. Also Try to keep communication open let him come to you and talk if that doesn’t work try talking about it in family counseling let him know he can come talk to you about how hes feeling and don’t stop and yes it’s important for boundaries so even though he’s lashing out tell him your going to take what ever away while still leaving the door to speaking open and not to sound like that person spanking never helped anyone if anything it will only add to the issue and make him do it more because 1) you teaching him it’s ok to hit when your mad rather than thinking about how to control your emotions when you get that way 2) he’ll just get numb to it and expect it to happen and its a proven fact that there’s an emotional and physical toll that comes with hitting 3) you don’t want him scared of you …there are many ways to discipline your child ( he can work out no it’s not abuse if it’s in small invals he has energy to stomp yell ect tell him to work that off plus he gets excrise in and burns energy and he’s learning a healthy way to get ride of his anger) make him write a letter about the postive stuff he has or you can also use that as a way to communicate give him extra chores plenty to do just saying
I told my bonus daughter of course i am not but i love you like you are and i just hope you will let me watch you grow and help keep you safe. All is good
Take him to a therapist who is trained to deal with these types of problems now before he gets older and acts on his anger in not normal for a 7 year old to say these things and I think getting him help now would be better then waiting until a big outburst
He needs actual counseling and/or a therapist besides just a school counselor. That baby is hurting. It might seem hard now but don’t give up on him yet
Hes lashing out, hes hurting and feels vengeful. He needs therapy. He will be okay.
He’s hurting, has a lot of big emotions and doesn’t know how to process them. Child counseling is the best advice. Also some support for yourself. Being able to vent to another adult so you don’t accidently take out your feelings being reactionary towards him. He is pushing you away as a defense mechanism but he really needs your consistent love.
I dont think mother in law is over stepping. I would let him go to her house. You need peace before this baby comes. Get counseling and your son will realize there are rules everywhere. You’re not trying to replace Mom. Help him go through the grieving process.
I agree with others, I think he needs a different counselor. A school counselor may not be enough. You can get one that specializes in your type of situation. And some insurances will cover family counseling. Something to look into…