My 7-Year-Old Refuses to Wear Underwear and Screams if I Make Her Try: Advice?

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QUESTION:

My 7-year-old daughter refuses to wear underwear, saying it’s uncomfortable. This has been going on for about a year now… but it’s escalated to screaming & crying tantrums.

I told her if we are at home, it’s fine… but it definitely needs to be worn when we go out. She is at the point where she wears PJ shorts under dresses, but for school, I don’t think that’s appropriate.

She’s worn the same shorts for days in a row and got them out of the dirty clothes to sneak them with her to school. I’m losing my mind…what the heckkkkkk??? She will make herself late for school, flipping out about not wearing them.

I can’t deal with this anymore; I’m at a loss of where to turn. I’m going to bring it up at her doctor’s appt. next month, but I can’t keep living like this; her outbursts disrupt the whole family. Helppp!!!"

RELATED QUESTION: Where Can I Find Underwear to Fit My Daughter?

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“You need to be more firm!!! You are giving her the option (a choice) to not wear them at home when actually she needs to listen and wear them at home too. Because if not, then that is what is making harder!!! Maybe take away things she really likes until she can listen and do as told!!!”

“Buy her some boxers and boxer briefs and see if she likes those better than panties.”

“Anybody else concerned…? Maybe she should see a doctor. Underwear shouldn’t be so uncomfortable that you’re bawling because you have to put them on. This seems like a red flag to me.”

“Why? Why is it so important she wear underwear? Pick your battles. It is not hurting her wearing underwear. She has drawn line in the sand saying ‘this is important to me I make this choice.’ Talk to her about it. Find out why it’s important to her and maybe let her have this for a bit and then readdress it later in a month or so if it’s that important to you. I don’t wear underwear, several have mentioned but studies have shown that underwear can hold in heat and moisture and cause more issues.”

“Could be a sensory processing issue… Could be a control thing too… Take her shopping. Empower her to choose something she might feel more comfortable in. Give her options and let her make the final choice. Girls’ boxers, boy shorts, etc… whatever works.”

“Buy the boy short underwear for girls. Don’t call them underwear or panties and tell her they are special shorts for kids who don’t like underwear.”

“So buy her boy short type underwear? Is it really that big of a deal that she’s more comfortable in shorts? Maybe listen to your kid.”

“If she is just finding panties uncomfortable, I would ask what makes them uncomfortable to rule out a UTI or anything medical and then if it’s literally just the panties but her boy short underwear or boxers. Maybe she had sensory processing disorder and they feel painful or too unbearably scratchy. My youngest daughter is autistic and has a sensory processing disorder and won’t tolerate many different types of clothing. Definitely not diagnosing your child as autistic, but you don’t have to be autistic to have sensory processing disorder. Talk it out with her. It’s her body, she should be able to let you know why and choose an alternative.”

“Honestly, as long as you are washing her clothes daily and she isn’t wearing a dress I don’t see the big deal if she doesn’t wear underwear. It’s probably a sensory issue.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

69 Likes
2

Have you tried making underwear fun? She has to believe it’s her own idea to wear them
Maybe let her choose a type she likes or thinks is cute?

1 Like
3

What if you try different underwear? Like boxer type

11 Likes
4

Have you tried different style underwear?

1 Like
5

Can u not get her boy shorts panties?

6 Likes
6

Do you use fabric softener? The could just be rough feeling.

1 Like
7

Try taking her to the store and letting her pick out which ones she wants and tell her when she picks that they are to be worn

2 Likes
8

Have you tried seamless underwear? Xx

6 Likes
9

Buy her some boxers and boxer briefs and see if she likes those better than panties.

11 Likes
10

Maybe she will like boy short undies for girls, they are comfortable

6 Likes
11

Have you tried different style underwear or different size? If you haven’t already, maybe make it fun. Take her to the store and let her pick out her own underwear. Also you could try finding a fun picture book to read together that is about wearing underwear.

2 Likes
12

Boy shorts girls underwear

1 Like
13

Try different underwear, it could be she just doesn’t like a certain type. If she’s wanting to wear shorts maybe try some boxer briefs or even just boxers. My daughter at a young age, must of only been I think 4/5 and she liked boxers for a bit.

1 Like
14

When I was preteen I wore boy shorts. For a while it was the most comfortable for me

1 Like
15

Try a different style - boy shorts, or different cut, size

2 Likes
16

Who cares if she doesn’t want to wear underwear?
Help her find appropriate clothing for that choice and she’ll be fine? I hate wearing underwear myself and can’t imagine forcing someone to wear it. There are so many options here for what you can do, I feel like you will have so many battles to fight in time you get with your child why would this be one of them?
Also your reaction is probably escalating the situation

18 Likes
17

Take her shopping so she can pick out her own underwear, at least she’s wearing underwear.

18

She might not like the style and fit of the underwear she has, and might like it looser. Get her a size or two up and boxer-style undies.

2 Likes
19

My girl will only wear boxers…

20

Omg my 7 year old son is on this kick like dude you cant go to school free balling.

7 Likes
21

I know this might sound weird but get her a pair of boys underwear briefs. I know a girl in the same situation and her little girl likes wearing the boy briefs.

2 Likes
22

Mine hasn’t wore any for many yrs. She has thicker thighs and it’s very uncomfortable for her. I just gave in. Said if you wear a dress then you must wear underwear. They need to come out with packs of underwear that are maybe one or 2 pairs. I bought tons of different styles trying to figure out what she would wear. She wears the boycut.

3 Likes
23

My 5 year old has a strong dislike for girl underwear. She says they’re uncomfortable and “not good in her booty.” She doesn’t fight boy underwear at all though. :woman_shrugging:t3:

2 Likes
24

Maybe try boyshorts… or even boys boxer briefs… it sounds like she’s uncomfortable, poor thing :confused:

2 Likes
25

Buy boy boxer briefs

1 Like
26

I don’t see why it’s so important that she wears underwear…under a dress she can wear shorts but theres really no reason to make her wear underwear, especially if she feels that strongly against it

3 Likes
27

I know it sounds weird but try boys briefs. If she isn’t comfortable in panties try a few other options. Boy shorts. Different cuts.

1 Like
28

Have you tried talking to her about why she doesn’t like it? If it’s not a sensory issue and merely just compliance, try rewarding her for wearing underwear.

Maybe have a sticker chart going and if she goes to school with underwear on, she gets a sticker. If she gets x amount of stickers, she gets a prize. Maybe have her pick out what she’d like to earn so it’s motivating to her to wear the underwear.

Hope this helps!

1 Like
29

She says they’re uncomfortable, try a different style. I know it’s hard when they’re that little as different types are limited. But see what you can find, look on amazon or stuff and let her help choose and pick!

30

Maybe she would fee more comfortable in a brief. My daughter (16) prefers men’s spandex-y type briefs/underwear. Mine refuses to wear anything else but these types. Normal underwear is not her cup of tea. And so be it just like I cannnnnot ever do thongs. Not my style. Offer her a different choice.

31

To be honest, as long her business is covered I wouldn’t fight her on it. She will most likely grow out of it. Just get her a bunch of shorts to wear under her dressed so she doesn’t have to sneak dirty ones and when she’s wearing pants she is covered. That’s just my opinion :woman_shrugging:t3:

4 Likes
32

By her some boxers they make cute ones for girls now my daughter at her age loved them good luck momma

1 Like
33

Allergies have it checked

34

Switch to a diff kind of underwear? Boxers, boy short cut underwear, etc

35

what about like bike shorts

36

My 4 year old and I went through this as well…i bought her favorite character boys briefs, and that’s what worked all summer…now since she is hooked on frozen 2, I got her in panties

37

Definitely try different styles if underwear. And honestly, I’d let her go without. Of course if she has on a dress I’d have her wear shorts, but otherwise, it isn’t really worth the fight.

1 Like
38

I went through this as a kid. I had chronic recurring uti’s left untreated. But at 7 I was convinced it was the underwears fault.

2 Likes
39

Maybe take her to the store and let her choose what type of underwear she wants or what makes her more comfortable! My parents used to get me underwear when I was younger and they use to give me stomach aches cause of the pressure and when I got old enough to pick my own I had to wear ones that have lace on the trim of them (on top), and my stomach aches went away. So she may be experiencing the same thing!

40

My youngest daughter was complaining about the thin elastic in her underwear saying it felt like it was pinching her and that her underwear hurt. Maybe that’s the issue? I ended up getting her underwear with wider elastic bands and she loves them. I agree with others about trying boy shorts though too.

41

I’d try boys boxer shorts and see if that’s more comfortable. They’d be similar to the sorts she prefers. And if that doesn’t work then ultimately is not wearing panties that big of a deal. Obviously under dresses she needs something, shorts would be fine.

1 Like
42

Try getting her the girl version of boxers

2 Likes
43

I honestly don’t see a problem with this.
I haven’t worn underwear in 7 years.
Its uncomfortable.
As long as she has something underneath her dresses she is fine.
No ones going to be able to tell she’s not wearing panties.
But maybe try mens boxers or a different kind of underwear until you find one she likes.
For me I like the boyshorts and high waisted cotton/silk blend that’s a little stretchy.
I never liked the ones with the rough band at the top that keeps them from folding down. It always dug into my skin and itched

2 Likes
44

boys boxers or boys briefs or girls boy short. Also you need to emphasize that comfort is not as important and what you say goes.

1 Like
45

Try boxers or shorts. My kid also hates underwear :woman_shrugging:

46

Try boys boxers. The silky ones. They are like shorts and maybe more comfortable. My step daughter is 7 and she prefers the boy boxers over girl undies

47

My younger daughter is the same. She’s 12 now and just wears underwear when she wears jeans or dresses. Not
Worth the fight.

1 Like
48

Who is the parent here?? Make her wear them! If you Cant control her now how is she going to be as a teenager??

10 Likes
49

I fight with my 7 year old daughter too. Thankfully not every single day. But usually if I threaten her with grounding if she dont listen and do as shes told. She will listen. But like ppl said above. Maybe try a different kind. Best of luck. Hope it gets better soon. I know the fustration.

50

They have boy cut underwear for girls. My granddaughter is the same way. She is now 10

3 Likes
51

Have you brought her to pick out underwear? You also can find the ones that a seemless and don’t Dig as much. My daughter prefers those. She’s 7. I get them on Amazon.

1 Like
52

Take her shopping and let her choose her own underwear maybe? My 9yrs old like the boy leg knickers kind of like shorts but undies. Good luck👌

53

Buy some biker shorts and have her wear those as undies.

2 Likes
54

I have a 10 yr old son that refuses to wear under wear of any kind… I personally dont find it to be a big deal, as long as he wears his pants I’m happy… in some cases u gotta pick ur battles n this is one I dont mind letting slip. :woman_shrugging: I myself dont like wearing underwear, unless it’s that time of the month… I’d let her pick out her own…

1 Like
55

My 10 year old daughter went through not liking girl underwear, not even the boy short kind. She wore boxer briefs for about two years and is now back to wearing girl underwear.

56

Try boy short underwear for girls. Or boy underwear period. I’d keep trying to find something that she is comfortable with.

1 Like
57

I don’t see a problem with it. As long as she is wearing something under her dress. I don’t wear a bra or underwear because I find them completely uncomfortable.

1 Like
58

Boxers for girls or boylegs with comfortable and lightweight material & you can let her choose the designs or color she wants so she will have to like wearing them. My daughter refused underwear after she was potty trained so what I did was let her wear just panties/boyleg when she’s inside the house until she got used to it & constantly reminded her that it’s a “girl-thing” to wear one.

59

Try boxers even boy boxers are better… girl underwear rubs the inner thigh making it uncomfortable

1 Like
60

Watever pair she is wearing…buy lots the same so they can at least be clean until she gets sorted. And shorts under a skirt is definetely better than nothing . Just keep trying for pants, let her go to the shops with u and pick 1s she likes its jst a phase it should pass. My son lived in welly boots there for 6 months, still wont wear anything but shorts and only 1 certain pair and refuses to wear anything at all in the house, hes 6.

1 Like
61

So let her wear what is most comfortable for her. How would you feel if someone told you you had to wear something you didn’t like? 7 is old enough to know what you want. My son only wore sweat pants for the first 10 years of his life.

2 Likes
62

If she likes pajama bottoms then maybe get a few of them? Try different undies until you find a style she likes.

1 Like
63

My daughter(6) also done this she hates labels seams being too tight too loose! We bought her m&s seamless underwear which are stretchy super soft and seamless… it’s literally the only thing she will wear! I feel your pain

1 Like
64

I agree try the boy shorts or other types of underwear, we are going through a similar thing in that one of mine doesn’t like the elastic with the glittery thread?!?!?! (Hoping someone understands) we have found the basic short type from Asda suit her best, only in black or white so no pretty ones, but they do the job!

65

Get her boy boxers. I HATED panties growing up and used to steal my brothers. Finally my dad gave in and bought me boxers. I was so grateful.

66

Buy her some extra shorts to wear under her dresses so she won’t be wearing the same pair over and over and digging them out of the dirty clothes.

1 Like
67

Girl boxers if they make them boy boxers if they don’t make them for girls
She needs to be comfortable with what she is wearing

1 Like
68

Anybody else concerned…? Maybe she should see a doctor. Underwear shouldn’t be so uncomfortable that you’re bawling because you have to put them on. This seems like a red flag to me.

13 Likes
69

They make girls underwear in boy short style my daughter loves them

70

Try dance style booty shorts

71

Does she have sensitive skin? I personally hate underwear, I prickle and itch and change into PJ’s as soon as I get home. I also can’t bear tags and labels!

1 Like
72

I would make sure she doesn’t have a uti or something… but she could be sensitive to them… or the detergent… and like many said try boxers or even spandex type shorts with the gusset (the little triangle part in the crotch) the spandex would be good for under dresses too so double duty there

73

So buy her boy short type underwear? Is it really that big of a deal that she’s more comfortable in shorts? Maybe listen to your kid :roll_eyes: y’all nuts

7 Likes
74

Underwear is just uncomfortable to some. Try different types, boy shorts. Girl boxers, thick seamed, thick cotton, thin cotton. My daughter has big thighs and a butt. She’s constantly pulling them out of her butt. She doesn’t like certain ones.

75

Try boy shorts or boxers

76

My son won’t wear underwear or boxers. I could never get him to.

77

Maybe try boy short style undies? Or leggings? One thing I know for sure, the bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal she will make of it.

1 Like
78

Why not Spandex shorts

79

Maybe try some boys boxers? They are more like shorts than underwear.

80

Sounds a lot like a tactile defensiveness. Seamless underwear might help. Hanna Andersson has a decent selection. I would also recommend looking into sensory processing disorder. Don’t concentrate on the solution to satisfy your needs of her cooperating, focus on what’s making her upset about wearing them. She’s reacting this way for a reason.

30 Likes
81

Get her some of those “boy short” underwear. Or get her two sizes bigger so they’re not uncomfortable. I get my daughter a size bigger because she’s a little chunky around her legs.

1 Like
82

My 11 yr old is commando half the time I wouldn’t worry let her go

2 Likes
83

Sounds like sensory issues to me, but I’m no doctor but I do have 3 kids on the spectrum. Some days I can’t even get one of my kids to change their clothes because she’s so comfy in the ones she’s wearing

84

Who says underwear are a necessity, let her make the choice. As long as she’s not wearing daisy duke shorts and her hoo-ha is not visible, she should be allowed to be comfortable in her own body and the clothing she wears. There are so many things they don’t have a choice but to do in their young lives, underwear shouldn’t be a reason for a relationship breakdown with you both. Bike shorts work great under shorts if you’re worried about her being exposed. I have 4 kids,19-7years old. I used to fight my son when he was 2 about clothing. I’ve learned to pick my battles, clothing, unless provocative or inappropriate for their age, is not a battle I try to fight anymore. Besides, not like they get to buy their own clothes at young age so I don’t buy things I don’t want the to wear. My girls aren’t crazy about panties. If they don’t want to wear them, that’s ok.

2 Likes
85

We have the same problem only ours is almost ten . We have tried everything. I am at a total loss

86

It could be the material of the undies, it could be that they’re too tight, or the style feels weird. Try a bunch of different kinds, but really if the pj shorts cover her good, what’s the problem with wearing them? Just buy extras

2 Likes
87

Can’t blame her they’re uncomfortable I don’t wear them. Get her some boys boxer briefs

1 Like
88

Try boxer style girls panties theyre super comfortable

1 Like
89

My daughter also hates underwear LOL she is 6. She will wear them under rompers sometimes, but usually just wears shorts with no underwear or dresses with biker shorts underneath… and of course, she loves to wear dresses all the time. I ordered a pack of thin biker shorts from amazon in all of the school colors to wear under dresses. I would rather order more shorts than fight every morning about underwear… I don’t even care as long as everything is covered up lol

3 Likes
90

It could be a red flag, or a phase, or maybe she has issues wearing them. I haven’t wore them in years I’m prone to infections because of the fabrics and dyes

91

My kid is going through the same thing, so I do not make her. One day I took her to Walmart and she found and felt a style and selected them, they are girls, but the boxer style and she loves them.and I have never had an issue since than. Oh yes, they are silky feeling.

1 Like
92

My daughter would only wear boy short undies from age 3-6

93

The exact thing happened to a colleague’s daughter but she was about five when it started. Turned out it was a sensory issue and she had to see an occupational therapist

94

Try boys boxer briefs…

1 Like
95

I took my daughter with to the store and let her pick some. There are so many different types. Let her see the pictures of the shapes and pick the fabrics. My daughter CANNOT STAND anything but cotton. The other won’t wear cotton. They have “boy short” cuts with Hanes. Maybe she’d prefer those. Or even just the boy ones. Whatever is comfortable.

Give her choices.

There’s something there, you just have to breathe and get to the bottom of it. (Pun intended)

That’s the hardest part.

96

Buy boy short girl underwear. She may prefer those.

4 Likes
97

I would recommend getting boyshorts style underwear… or try boys boxer briefs with no tags

1 Like
98

There really isn’t anything wrong with going commando or wearing loose boxers. It’s better for you anyway, stuff needs to breathe.

Quite frankly underwear feels like cacti to a lot of the population.

3 Likes
99

My daughter didnt like it either but we switch to spandex briefs or boyshorts and now she wears them

100

Do you think maybe the tags and labels are uncomfortable? They drive me nuts sometimes cause it gets itchy. Maybe bring her to pick out certain styles and let her pick which ones would be more comfortable to her? Also about her digging in the laundry for her dirty shorts, I wouldn’t allow it. If you have to hide them on her and lock it in your room so she can’t do that. Start taking things away if she is going to throw a tantrum. Put your foot down mama, you’re the boss not her.