My grandma has been trying to push me to tell my blood mother about my three month old son and eventually agree to let her see him. Long story short, my mom’s in prison and won’t be allowed around children when she eventually gets out. I don’t want to let her near him both for that reason and the fact that she broke almost every promise she made me over the years… I don’t want my son to go through the pain I did of wondering if she’d call or show up. My grandma and her husband were told at the beginning of my pregnancy that I didn’t want her knowing about it. It took all of two months after he was born for her husband to ‘forget’ (blamed it on old age + bad memory) and tell her… My grandma has preached forgiveness to me… Am I overreacting by telling them the only way I’ll allow my son to see them via vid chat is if they respect my boundary of not telling my mother about him? Edit to add, my grandma has a habit of guilt tripping me saying she won’t be around much longer and wants me and my mom to fix our problems
You know what is best for your child. And if all these happened I wouldn’t want her near my child either. If you think she’s toxic. Leave her in the past.
It is ok to not associate with toxic family, take care of you and baby.
Stand your ground momma! Never let someone guilt you into doing something with YOUR child that your not comfortable with. “Family” or not, nobody is entitled to be part of your life if they do not bring you joy and happiness. You do not have to accept negativity and toxic behavior in your life . And the fact that she is in prison and NOT allowed to be around children when she’s released means she is no good to children and doesn’t deserve to have any child in any part of her life
Toxic is toxic regardless of it being family, tell them that’s your decision and it’s final and if they don’t respect it leave them in the past also.
Why TF is it so fucking how for others to respect boundaries. It isn’t that fucking hard. You need to put very very clear boundaries and STICK TO THEM. I’m sorry it’s your grandparents but you don’t keep TOXIC people on your life. This isn’t about you. It’s about that’s baby…… no. BYE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA until they can RESPECT your boundaries. It isn’t her job to teach you forgiveness. That’s not her job. If you believe in God that’s his and your issue. Not hers.
I felt with a similar situation with an ex mother in law, if you give an inch they take a mile…
Stand your ground
If shes prohibited from being around children then stick to it. Someone could find out and call dhhs,dhs or cps- whatever your area calls it and you could be charged with endangering a minor- so best to not do it and you can tell your grandma that too.
Toxic is toxic. You have every right to cut those people out of your life. Even if its your Mother. Trust me❤
Absolutely not !!! If you say no the it’s no !!! Your the mother !
Since your birth mother won’t be allowed to be around children after prison then your grandma needs to butt out of all this at this point cause she’s doing more damage than good. Stand your ground n be very blunt with your grandma saying if she keeps bringing it up then you’ll have no choice but to cut her completely off for good from your child too.
You should cut ties. Guilt tripping is toxic and wrong.
Put that baby first!
I did what was best for my children and myself. My birthmother was removed from our lives by me walking away and moving away. Fast forward… she invited herself to my daughters graduation and fell down the bleachers due to her being drunk. She passed in 2009. I have no regrets other than I wish she would have chosen to live her life differently.
Don’t let other people set your boundaries for you. Not for you, not for your family. Stick with you gut x
Prayers honey pray but just remember God says forgive. My mom didn’t raise me my grandmother did but to this day I call my mom and check on her she is in a nursing home now
You said shes not allowed to be around children why would you subject your child to that I understand she is your mom but what makes your child any different? Thats the question that should be answered. So you should continue to do what you are doing.
I’m going through something similar and I just want to say I hear your pain. Stay strong 
we got this
Don’t threaten or punish the family that you have chosen to keep (withholding video calls) in order to achieve your objective. If you feel so strongly about your bio mom, just communicate that and be done. If you value the relationship with your grandmother, accept that you have different perspectives and ask that she respect yours, but don’t reduce yourself to that level of using a child as leverage. If you decide that the relationship isn’t worth having any longer as a result of the differences in feelings (or for whatever reason), just conclude the relationship…. Don’t threaten to withhold video calls, that’s just petty.
But forgiveness does feel better than anything…. For the person offering the forgiveness.
I would be cutting ties with all of them…family or not boundaries are boundaries and if they cant respect that then they wldnt be involved either…
You do what’s best for you and your son.
You are not overreacting. It’s not their place to make that decision for you & your son. You & your son has to deal with the consequences of their choices. Personally I wouldn’t even allow video chat. If you cut them out completely he will never know they exist. If you allow any contact he will want more later. They will continue to manipulate him/you & give info to your mom. I’m assuming your mom is an abuser. Why would you want her to have any knowledge about your son? They’ve already shown that they will not protect your son. Why give them any more information to pass on to her?
I wouldn’t take away the privilege of the baby having a grandma I’d do pics videos etc supervised visits but never alone. Secrets always get out one way or another but I don’t know the full reasons y your doing it so if u feel that’s best you do it don’t let no one tell you how to raise your baby and never apologize for what I think is right to protect your baby
You have to set and keep those boundaries yourself…blood or not they need to respect your wishes
If she isn’t allowed around children, it’s for a reason. I wouldn’t allow my daughter to be around my mother if she was in the same situation. The grandmother deal is what it is, you either give them boundaries and they respect that and see your baby or they can move on. Toxic family can and should be removed, you are the voice of your child so protect him at all costs.
Forgiveness is not for the other person,but for you and your heart. If you do not forgive then God will not forgive you. However, just because you forgive somebody does not mean they have to be an active part of your life. It takes a village to raise a child,but that village does not have to be blood relatives. Find yourself some good friends that have your back and will respect your boundries. Even friends can become family. Life is to short to be guilt tripped in to doing anything. Do what is best for you and your baby.
Tell Grandma that your mom legally isn’t allowed to be around kids. Boom. Scapegoat
I’ve read that someone not respecting your No answer and trying to get you to change your mind is showing you they are manipulating you. You do what’s best for your son. Period.
The law says she’s not allowed around children …that includes yours. Do not be pressured to allow toxic into your child’s life. Somethings cannot be forgiven
Young one - the way you love your child is the way your grandparents love your mom. So it’s natural for them to want to do what they are doing. With that being said - you are Momma - your house, your life, and your baby. You control the environment and who’s allowed in it.
Sometimes things can’t be “fixed”
Hell no! She isn’t allowed around children. That is ALL children. Including family. Protect your baby at all cost.
I wouldn’t ever let my mother around my child if she had to stay away from children put on her head.
It feels so good to forgive and move on. Wether you have decided to cut all ties or not. Life is a journey and every year you will find yourself with more knowledge and peace. Always put your child first.
Yeah that’s a no. Idgaf if she won’t be around much longer. Some fences can’t be mended. Either they respect your wishes (which are valid) or they’ll end up as one of those fences too.
It’s YOUR decision if you tell your mother… set boundaries even for Grandparents
Why isn’t she allowed around children? Must be a good reason. I wouldn’t allow it.
This is your child. Not your grandmas. I understand respecting your grandma but when it comes to your mother who is not even allowed to be around children, that’s your decision and only yours. Hopefully you make the right one.
Not overreacting, that is your son & they should respect the boundaries you set.
Toxic people make your life toxic . I know from experience. The future stress and headaches really are not worth it
I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but in order to get past this you are eventually going to have to face it! Accept it so mentally you can grow! We all make mistakes in life, some are impossible to overcome especially when the ones that hurt you don’t have no remorse! In the end, you win because you will walk away free
That’s your baby. Not theirs. It’s none of their business and if I was you I’d cut them out too.
Removing toxic from your and your child’s life is nothing to feel ashamed or guilty over I for example have done it with my mother. You have to do what’s best for you and your kids even if other doesn’t agree, just remember your allowed to have boundaries your allowed to remove people your allowed to speak your mind and have your reasons others can try to change your mind an have comments on it but at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you not them.
Once you break something so many times, it becomes impossible to put it back together.
You can forgive her so. You can be forgive, but that’s don’t mean you have to be any of there lifes grandma need to repect you and your decisions, you are protecting your baby from what you live though. You stand tall with your decision…
Do what YOU think is best for you and your baby
Sometimes its just better to cut people out of your lives. My mother in law hasn’t been allowed to contact or see my children in almost 4 years they haven’t asked or wanted to because she is not a good person. My kids call her daddys evil mom they won’t even say she is there grandma. It is really better sometimes to cut toxic people out
Put a fence around your baby
Stick to your boundaries . Protect your child . These people who are guilt tripping you were supposed to protect you . Do you feel they did ? If they didn’t …that’s telling of their priorities . Stick to your gut Mama ! I think you’re making good choices .
Break the cycle for your baby !
Your grandmother preaches forgiveness but practices enabling. Stick to your guns and protect your child as you feel best.
If she can’t be around kids then no
Tell grandma to butt out or keep her out too
Forgive her for you. You don’t have to forget thought. And so what if your mom knows? You said she’s in prison. I mean she’ll find out sooner or later
You do what’s best for you and your son… trust your intuition
Forgive don’t forget
Tell your Grandmother to mind her own business,
Toxic. Cut everybody out. Trying to control your life. Move on.
You do what’s best for your self and family
Stick to your guns. You know what is best for you and your child
first you didn’t say how old you are, which I am assuming is young, your mom is & grandparents, I’m old (68) but i will not tell someone something if someone says not to, So please don’t say because he is old so he forgets, If he forgets, there is something else going on, I can understand that your grandmother wants you & your mom (again assuming this is her daughter) to fix your problems, but that’s your choice & you need to tell her that. And if you don’t want your son to ever meet her, again that is your choice. But just remember he might try to meet her when he does get older
The state has said she cannot be around children. She is in prison currently.
If your grandparents can’t respect your wishes, they need to have limited contact.
I would not allow anyone, family or not, around my child if the state said they are a danger to kids. Nope!
There’s forgiving and still not wanting to allow that person access to you. Forgiveness doesn’t come with extras it’s just that Forgiving. Totally okay to not want to risk your son or yourself at all. Honestly I wouldn’t deal with her at all if it were me. For her to not be allowed around children there is a good reason for it!
It sounds like you need to put your foot down with your grandparents. If you don’t want to see or rekindle anything with your mom, then that’s it. End of story and if they can’t respect that, they can join her boat
Wow your grandmother sounds like a monster for trying to repair her family before she dies 
You should definitely RUN from that family as noone ever deserves forgiveness.
Being alone & miserable so that you can play victim sounds much better for you & your child.
You must follow your gut and do what’s best for you and your son
If she can’t be around kids there is a reason for it! Should be no exceptions with you child just because it’s your mother.
Do not let your grandma bully you into a relationship with your mother or letting your mother touch or meet your child. If you need to break contact with them to get the message across them do that. And don’t ever leave your child with your grandparents, they may try to have your mom around
You know what’s best for you and your child but forgive your mom, not for her or grandma or anyone else, but for you.
Grandma needs to mind her business
You know what’s best for you and your child. My child will never know my mom’s mother, which is her choice & I have no problem with that. Some people are just toxic
Nope not over reacting. I wouldn’t feel bad about cutting grandma out either if she wants to disrespect your wishes and be manipulative.
If your mom is in prison and won’t be allowed around kids when she gets released there is a reason… probably because she has harmed children before. My mother did the same but didn’t get caught to go to prison. Everyone still tells me that she has a right to know about my kids and to be in their life (even knowing about what she has done). All of those people are trash to me. I cut out every member of my family that even talks to her and I would do it again in a heartbeat. My babies are safer this way and they are the only things that matter. Everyone else is replaceable in my life. I have in-laws and my friends families that have unofficially adopted me and my kids so the still have grandparents but these people wouldn’t ever hurt them.
You. Do. Not. Owe. Anyone. Anything. 
Toxic is toxic.
Your an adult hun and it’s your choice. Don’t allow anyone to Bully you into a choice. Good Luck.
Sounds to me like there is alot to this story that we dont know and it is hard to give advice to an open ended comment.
time to walk away from the toxic family. When they realize what boundaries are slowly let them back in if you choose to.
You’re not wrong but you also can’t tell them they are not allowed to even talk about your kid to their daughter. Who really cares if they tell her about him. As long as they don’t bring her around him. Theres no harm in talking about your child to her. Then you know what she sees what she’s missing. She gets to know what she did robbed her of a chance to be a grandma. Don’t hold that against your grandparents. That’s just silly. Do not allow your toxic mother to ruin any positive relationships in your life. Your grandma just wants to see her daughter do better. You can’t blame her for that. She will always be her daughter. She will always hope for the best for her. No mother that’s worth anything gives up on their daughter… but that doesn’t mean you need to give in and be involved with her. You don’t. Unless something changes and you want to. But seriously don’t keep the baby from your grandparents just because they spike about him to your mom. Thats not the way. It sounds like they were there for you when you mom wasn’t so dont let her ruin that.
You are amazing. It seems like there’s a deeply entrenched family history of guilt, manipulation, and enabling. I love the fact that you have decided that you want better for your child. I would recommend finding a good therapist because you deserve better for yourself as well.
Your child is yours to raise. Your responsibility as a parent is to protect them from things and people who might harm them.
Your grandparents have no right to guilt trip you into doing something your gut tells you would not be the right thing for your child.
Your child, you make the decisions about him. Don’t let them push you in to something you will regret. If your mom can’t be around children that is a fantastic reason to say nope you can never meet him or anymore you have in the future. Your mom did what ever she did and now it’s about consequences.
Keep your kid away from her…do what you are comfortable with f*ck anyone else…its all about that baby now…
Hold strong Mama. It’s tough. Praying for you.
Stick to your guns with regards to your boundaries. Once you allow someone (family or not) to cross your boundaries you have lost control with that person and they will continue to cross your boundaries. My sister and I do not speak. In fact she is dead to me. This hurts my mom, but we have discussed the reasons for my decision and I and listened to her reasoning for wanting us to reconcile and I hate that it hurts her but it is what it is. We have agreed through respect for one another and communication that it is just not going to happen. Because My mom and I are like 2 peas in a pod she understands boundaries and doesn’t push it. Blood Family, or anyone for that matter, doesn’t have the right to cross your boundaries. When they do it is a sign that they do not respect you as a person.
So for those of you who are wondering, (and I had to wrestle with whether or not to add this myself cause this really opened my eyes…) my moms in prison for assaulting children with her husband… My grandma went behind my back to tell my mom about my son.
There is obviously q reason why your mother is in prison qnd isn’t allowed near kids when she gets out that’s reason to keep your son away, family or not toxic family need to be kept away for the good of your child in the long run xx
Do not allow your mom to see your child. I would also tell Grandma, grandma only gets phone visits now and if she keeps trying to push and manipulate she can be cut off too. It isn’t about what grandma or mom want, it’s about your child and doing what is best for the kid. No matter how “little time” they got left, that is NO excuse to be toxic or manipulating. Period.
if she not allowed to be near children when she comes out of prison the theres no other than no she cant see him sorted x
Keep those boundaries strong!
Trust your gut, don’t take chances with ur child. Good luck, momma♥️
You’re keeping your baby safe. Period. End of story. Fin. The end.
Tell grandma if she can’t respect you as a mom, she’ll be given the same treatment as your mother.
They sound really toxic…
I’m still stuck on that shes not allowed around children period. I’m sure there is a valid reason for this and that would be the main reason I wouldn’t pursue it. Its your child, not your grandmother’s. I wouldn’t be mad she told her as much, bc 1 way or another she would’ve most likely found out, but that is completely your decision whether she agrees with you or not
You’re doing the right thing for your child’s heart and safety. If your grandmother cannot respect that, let alone understand that - then it is time to walk away from them too.
You can forgive her. Doesn’t mean you have to trust her
Don’t be mad that she knows you have a child that would’ve happened eventually, however, don’t let her be involved, she isn’t allowed near children, end, of, story. PERIOD. It would break her probation anyhow. Let it go, your feelings are valid and your grandmother needs to respect YOUR decision as YOUR sons parent.
The prison she’s sitting in shouldn’t allow minority visit if she can’t be around kids. Imo anyway. How they operate im not sure, but why take a child around anyone who is strictly forbidden to be around them. No way.
Ugh! My family try’s to guilt trip also and all I have to say about this is, DO WHAT YOU WANT, and to hell with everyone else. We will all die and yes it’ll hurt to know they passed and missed out on time… but is it really your fault? Or are they making it out to be your fault? There’s a difference. You do right by yourself and your children first and foremost.
Your priority as a mother is as always to protect your child, you can forgive your mom but still consider her a potential threat just as you would any other sex offender, unfortunately for your mom some bells cant be un-rung, and unfortunately for your gram some bridges cant be rebuilt
Not a chance, keep your child well away, it’s not your grans business tbh
Keep your child safe