My bonus sons mom doesn't tell us when he is sick

I need some advice and I need to see if maybe my thought process is on par…Scenario: Around 2pm yesterday my boyfriend’s ex wife gets a call from her sons school and he is throwing up. Basically he finishes out the school day. It is our weekend to get his son. She doesn’t tell us until I pick him up of the situation. So we have a sick kid who is throwing up and is running a fever. Is she in the wrong for not telling us sooner, should she have cancelled his weekend with his dad? She does this A LOT and personally I think she is a selfish parent… let me explain…In 2020 when Covid first started she sent him to us when she was in quarantine for being within 6 feet of someone who had Covid, which meant she had a high risk for catching Covid she did NOT tell us she was in quarantine, I got Covid due to this (I have a weakened immune system) her son was supposed to quarantine with us for 2 weeks according to the health department and she insisted he come home immediately even though he had been exposed, she took him to the DR for a physical and lied about his Covid exposure. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, everyone in their house was sick, fevers, runny noses etc. Well they all tested positive for Covid and before they were tested she sent her son here for the weekend where we (my boyfriend and I) contracted Covid as well. Am I wrong for thinking when the boyfriends son is sick he should stay home until he is well, or am I the a**hole for thinking the boyfriends ex wife is selfish and that she does this on purpose so she doesn’t have to deal with a sick kid? We get him A LOT we get him during the week and sometimes every weekend just as a reference

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My bonus sons mom doesn't tell us when he is sick

It’s not.like sending him to friends it’s his dad. He should take care of him sick too

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I don’t understand what’s the difference between him being sick at his dad’s house or his mom’s, I think she should give you a heads up but the kid being sick is not a reason to deny him

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I get the whole Covid issue but he can still go to his dads house sick … that’s his dad . His dad can take care of him .

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You’re still a parent even when the child is sick. A heads up would have been nice yes, but no reason you shouldn’t have the child on your time.

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Normally I keep my kids with me if they are really sick and dad can just make up the time but sometimes sick or not they have to go to dads. He’s their other parent and shouldn’t get out of caring for them while sick. My ex and I tell each other when our household is sick but it’s going to get passed back and forth anyways so why miss out on time with the other parent because of it?

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I agree with everyone shared parenting is just that if you’re not up for it I wouldn’t get in any deeper

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When a child is sick they usually still go for their visitation. Of course it’s up to both parents being okay with this. My son stayed home once from a visit and while his dad said that was okay he took it to court where the court said he could go sick and have his biological father care for him. Depends on the court order the communication between parents, but I’d say as a girlfriend you should let his father handle this

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During the covid situation was not right…but I will say as a grandparent and seeing my son and daughter with exs…they ARE parents and why should they NOT have to tend to them sick too!!! Life isn’t all roses and fun

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I get being upset about the covid thing but the latest one? You guys are his home too. When coparenting like this, you too should be taking care of him when he sick. Not just mom

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It’s your boyfriends responsibility to have his son, regardless of his health. Sick or not. I do think you should be informed, especially with the current situation. If covid is in one home and the parent is able to keep the child, of course that is the ideal thing to do. No sense in spreading it if it’s possible not to.

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Either parent can care for the kid while he is sick. But said kid should stay in that household until it’s resolved.

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When I was sick at my mom’s, she took care of me. When I was sick at my dad’s, he took care of me. Sure, it wasn’t responsible of her to just let him sit at school throwing up but that’s not a reason for him to not see his father. Sounds like the two of you (you and bio mom) need to work out the immaturity on both parts and grow up.

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Your boyfriend is the childs dad. That means he should also be looking after his child when hes sick. I get that she should have kept him when he has Covid to stop the spread, but other than that the care should be shared

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Hes his dad lol. Sick or not, he still has to be dad.

Yes. You are the assh0le in the situation for that mindset. With that said, mom needs clearer communication on her end

Rae Crampton what you think about this ? Lol :sweat_smile:

Dad’s should care for their sick kids too.

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Sorry, but when my child is sick I don’t send them to the other parents house. They stay home so they don’t get anyone else sick!!

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Covid and upset stomach are different things.
Covid - yes he should have stayed with whoever and compelted quarantine.
Other illnesses - dad’s can take care of kids when ill! It is surprising I know, but they can!

My kids were with their dad and he called me at 6am “hey can you come get girls I don’t feel comfortable taking care of them while they are sick” he still had another full day with them, and them being sick was a nonexistent cough that went away right before I picked them up.

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Sick or not it’s his weekend

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I’m 50/50 on this one. No she shouldn’t cancel contact cause he’s sick. He’s his dad. It’s half his responsibility. On the COVID thing, I agree with you. She should have said and he should have sat his isolation out with the parent he was exposed with, which in this case would have been his mum. Illnesses and contact, It’s a hard thing to navigate tbh. X

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Being sick never stopped my sons time at his dads! And actually by the courts, covid doesn’t interrupt a custody agreement. If mom can take care of him then so can dad :woman_shrugging:

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probably BOTH !!!

Parenting doesnt stop because a child is sick.

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My kids stay home when they’re sick. Their dad (every other weekend) doesn’t want to catch whatever they may have. He would miss work. I think both parents have responbilities in caring for the kids thru sickness and health. But limiting exposure is cutting down in passing whatever sickness is goin around. I can see both sides and yes, parents should be communicative on the kids being sick period no matter what it is.

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That’s his child. Sick or not, that’s his child. Parents still have to take care of their kids when they are sick. So why should that only fall on mom? Why do you think it’s okay for dad to miss out of time just because child is sick? You sound like the selfish one.

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Well I think if child is sick " should stay home " not go spreading germs for others to get sick "

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The Dad is responsible for his sick babies too. Sorry that you feel this way but he is just as much as your husband’s responsibility as he is hers

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Covid no she shouldn’t have sent him and then when u guys exposed him he should have stayed with you. She is irresponsible but as far as common cold, flu etc… unless you both agree to switch weekends then child should still go just limit exposure around other siblings

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I think if he gets sick he should be where he feels loved. I also think that if he’s been exposed and has symptoms obviously he should stay where he is. Why pass illness arround. Also one parent should be in charge of medical for him so there are no discrepancies or confusion of what he has. Why is he sick so much? Think I would look into that if not done already. Good luck…

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Wow.its his kid.kids get sick alot. if it bothers you having your bf sick kid in your home maybe you or your bf should stay apart while he has his child. Child’s mom sounds like any other mom to me.maybe you aren’t ready for kids yet.you gotta take the bad with the good.

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Covid no should of stayed. ill he should go it’s his weekend mum has to have him when sick so should dad…

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Pretty sure that’s a selfish thought. I don’t see how one parent should be a parent when the child is sick and not the other? The fathers not a babysitter it’s his child.

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A child parents (both of them) has a job to take care of their sick child. When my kid is sick I’ll tell his dad as soon as I can. Or vice versa. But we don’t keep the child at one home or the either just because the child is sick. Both parents need to step in a care for the child.

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As a mom I would want to be caring for my sick child if the dad was ok with switching.

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You’re both wrong. You both should definitely be communicating and making mutual decisions regarding COVID exposures (legally it does not disrupt the custody agreement). However, no. She should not have “canceled dad’s weekend” because his child has a cold. Your boyfriend is a parent, not a buddy. He’s responding for sick days just as much as mom is. Unbelievable.

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If mom can take care of a sick child, so can dad.

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Well he is still the father, doesn’t matter if his child is sick or not. Every time he is sick he shouldn’t have to stay away from his father.

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So according to you only moms should be taking care of the kids when they are sick? What decade do you think this is? He has equal responsability to take care of HIS sick child, so you have a weak immune system? Well then maybe when it’s his turn to care for his sick child you should go stay some where else, because his son is his first responsability, many don’t seem to get this when they marry someone that already has a child :roll_eyes:

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We are not just daddy’s when they are feeling good and ready to run we are still dad even when they are sick so I feel like you are wrong in your thinking

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I dont think this child should be at school sick. Especially in pandemic

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His father is just as capable and responsible for caring for a sick child as his mother is. It’s ridiculous that you think he should only have his son when he is “healthy”. You don’t get to pick and choose when you want to parent. At the rate father’s struggle to get equal time or any time, canceling any time they get is uncool. “My dad only wanted to see me when I wasn’t sick”, is what that poor boy will learn. Smh.

Quarantine is a completely different story, but his father is also capable and responsible for that too.

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The selfish part is not wanting the kid to come when he is sick. If it’s dad weekend, dad can take care of him too.

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Unless the child wants to stay home with the mother why can’t his father have him when he sick? Only Mother can take care of him when he’s sick? This is really between the child’s parents

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Why should she be the only one that takes care of THEIR sick child. Equal responsibility.

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Omg……… it’s his dad and his dad can take care of him too not
Just mom taking care of a sick child gets tiring …she deserves a brake too especially if he’s with her most of the time . I think you’re selfish for thinking he should stay home . Now if you had kids at home okay sure but you not wanting him to come over just be cause he is sick is messed up INSTEAD OF BASICALLY BASHING THIS MOTHERS PARENTING YOU SHOULD ASK HER IF THERES ANYTHING YOU OR YOUR “ boyfriend “ could do to help since you think this way .

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You’re definitely the assh*le.
Whether the child is sick or not shouldn’t even be a factor to his DAD spending time with him. “She sent her son here”… ummm excuse me but that’s HIS SON TOO.

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My fiances baby mama did the same except she did it on purpose knowing i have a very compromised immune system. Even tried to infect my 6 month old baby with covid when she knew her and the kids had it…

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Um. Yall can’t parent a sick kiddo? Why would that be cause to cancle a visit?

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If you dnt like the kid situation n it’s all too much ,bounce the dad or his kid doesn’t need all that …yes there are issues with parenting sounds like if dad is being the only real parent he should opt for full custody …

sounds like secret animosity

Why does she have to be the only one taking care of the child when he is sick? The dad is just as responsible for taking care of him as the mom. It sounds like you are the one who has a problem and don’t want to take care of a sick kid that isn’t yours. That is your boyfriends child, he should be able to be there all the time. Why would you want a man who only wants to be a part time dad in the first place. You sound extremely selfish.

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There is a bit of both going on, Im afraid. Yes, mom should inform you when kid is sick, HOWEVER, dad is still dad and it should not be moms sole responsibility to care for the sick child, especially if its not covid! :woman_shrugging: With the quarantine issue mom was definitely in the wrong there.

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My kids go even if they are sick. It’s up to the caring parent to look after the child… if my kids were due to go to dads and kid was sick, the school would call him, not me! In the case of covid…. The child should have stayed in isolation - we are currently in iso now as my daughter has covid and kids won’t go to their dads tonight as planned because of it

Kids get sick. A lot. Such is life.

They don’t just belong to mom when they are sick. 🤷

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Well you know it’s his kid to weather he is sick or not so yes you should get him that just go’s with parenting sorry but that is the truth

939,000 people have died in the US from covid, the death rate is 1 in 78, I think its a big deal that they had confirmed covid in their household and they didnt at least mention it, everyone needs to take care of sick children but that is unforgivable on many levels

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She should have told you but dad’s a parent too he can take care of a sick child…m

Sick or not, Dad should get him for visits. That being said, if one house or the other is on Covid quarantine then the kid stays where he is until quarantine is over. Then if Dad missed a visit that should be made up. Regular sickness is one thing Covid related is totally different.

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Why she have to be the only one taking care of their sick kid.

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For those saying “it’s his kid, why should she be the only caring for a sick child” you’re missing the point. Dad needs to be informed so he can be better prepare to care for the child.
As a courtesy to my ex husband and the fact that he has a sick mom plus other kids at home I let him know. That way he knows make sure he has motrin etc. And if he dropped her off at my house sick oh he will get an earful.

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I sincerely hope this is a joke. Not once did you mention concern for the boy who was vomiting with a fever and stuck in school. “AITA for thinking he should stay home” THAT IS HIS HOME!

You are a MASSIVE AH. If you were the person my ex was dating and were around my kids I would physically hurt you.

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Knowingly sending your son sick with covid to his dad’s house to infect another whole entire household is selfish. I hope she is just dense and not trying to infect you guys on purpose. Yes dad can take care of his son while he’s sick but he should also be able to skip a weekend to help protect his wife when the child was exposed at moms so should stay at moms and quarantine because he was exposed at his mother’s home and she’s already infected. There’s just no common curtosey anymore. I’m suffering so you will have to suffer with me mentality is bullshit. Hope it’s not the case. My entire family/household came down with covid when my 8yo brought it home from school. He was the first one sick, first to test positive, and the first to be out of quarantine. His school said he could come back 5 days later. On a Wednesday but my fiance and I tested positive two and three days later and we were both still in quarantine until that Sunday. So even though he was better, no symptoms, we kept him home until Monday because there was noone to walk him to the bus stop. I wasn’t going to risk getting more kids sick. I was still having symptoms at that point. My fiance was still off work sick and had symptoms. For some reason it was much harder on us than the kids. Covid is absolutely terrible and I dont wish it on anybody. I can’t even imagine how bad it would be if I was immunocompromised or had underlying conditions. I just thank God that we could suffer and fight through it at home without any of us needing medical attention. An entire month later I’m feeling better but i still have residual effects, not long covid thankfully. This is a pandemic. We should be watching out for eachother and staying at home, one home, not going back in forth between the two because technically its one or the others weekend.

So when the kid is sick only the mom can take care of him?.. the dad needs to take care of the kid if it’s his weekend.

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A kid being sick is not a reason to cancel a visit with a parent unless the parents agree it is best given the situation. You sound like you want advanced notice so you can cancel the visit. What if this kid lived with you full time? What would you do with him when he was sick? I don’t think you are cut out to be a step parent and that’s ok but if that’s the case you should end it now.

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You are wrong, while i agree you should be notified, as that is part of coparenting, it’s not just moms job to care for a sick child

I think some of the comments that are calling you out don’t understand the seriousness of weakened immune system. I have an autoimmune disease getting sick can put me out for a month or more. Idk if this is the case for you are not . But if you were my child’s step parent I would have let you know and offered to keep my child to not expose a you . ITS CALLED BEING A DECENT HUMAN . If she knows this she is a selfish B! Getting caught up in “whose weekend it is” is just ridiculous in situations like this

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Nope always go by the court order nothing else. does not matter if child is sick or not.

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There should be a schedule, followed to a tee, for the sake of the child. When it’s dads weekend and child is sick, dad is on duty. Same for mom. That being said, with Covid, she was so, so wrong. And if she had knowledge of your weakened immunities…I’d throw actual hands. My bonus sons mom sent him to us while I was pregnant and he had to be quarantined. I was livid. It wasn’t the schedule, she just decided that she didn’t want to deal/be exposed. She also HATES me and my 13 month old child (yes, she hates a baby) and would have done anything to harm us.

Nothing bothers me more than one of the parents not wanting a kid cause they are sick or because they get sick during there time and calls the primary parent to pick up said kid :unamused:

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Why can’t his father take care of him when he’s sick? This is bothersome and maybe you shouldn’t be dating somebody with kids.

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Being sick doesn’t stop parenting time

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We had to isolate for 5 days for being in exposed to covid …… our family ended up getting . We told my step kids mom we were in contact immediately and when we all got it the girls stayed with us until all our isolation ended .
Health unit told us that they aren’t telling people who have split custody that the children go back and forth ,BUT in your case the bio mom should have told you guys about covid.
Should tell you about other illnesses as well but doesn’t really have to keep him home

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I can see about the covid situation, but any other sickness like the flu or stomach bug or cold the father should help out and take care of the kids too.

Why can’t his father care for him when he’s sick? You sound selfish she should give heads up but your man should step up and care for a child he helped make whether you have weakened system or not. Kids get sick it’s part of life why is it always expected for mom to handle it.

Sick or not dad still gets him… lol so basically your saying you don’t want a sick kid? Lmao. Your pathetic. I’m sorry and please don’t call yourself a bonus mom. Your the step mother at this point.

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why can’t you care for the sick child too? It’s the dads weekend. he’s just as much a parent. :woman_facepalming:

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I understand not being told about it until picking the child up and being mad about that but welcome to being a parent!! Your kids sick, then more than likely the household will too. You don’t get to stop being a parent/ seeing your child just because their sick.

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Yeah she should probably tell you but it isn’t just the mother’s responsibility to care for the child when he is sick.

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I always tell my daughters dad whenever she’s beeping sick so he’s aware and everyone in his house is. However, unless she’s lethargic she goes to his house. Unless she voices she doesn’t want too. If I can take care of a sick kid so can he. It’s absolutely still the other parents responsibility just as much as the primary parents. It would be selfish for them NOT to take their kid because he/she is sick. Therefore, in my opinion as you said in your post you’re 100% being the a*****e.

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You are absolutely in the wrong. A child being sick does not cancel the others parenting time. He’s a parent. He’s just as capable of taking care of his sick som as the mother is.

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It’s his kid too. Isn’t his dad’s house his home aswell?

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Why would she cancel his weekend with Dad ? He needs to parent .

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While court orders should be upheld, giving you guys a heads up would be a decent thing to do.

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If your kid is sick. They stay home. No sense in getting people in both houses sick… she sounds like a piece of shit

I don’t understand everyone saying dad should parent when he’s sick too, don’t get me wrong this is 100% true but for me and my daughters dad whoever’s house she’s at when she gets sick is where she stays until she’s no longer contagious because we’re being courteous to one another and our families.

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Sorry sweetheart, Your BOYFRIEND is still a FATHER when his child is Sick. He has the same RESPONSIBILITY to His child that his Ex wife Does. I would bet my gremlin bell, there’s NOTHING in thier custody agreement that MOM is the only Parent responsible if thier child is Sick.

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Holy geez yes being and asshole and when you go with someone who already has children they become your responsibility also. Why can’t you both help take care of the sick child are you not capable lol

If it’s his time with his son its his time, whether the child is sick or not…

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Should she have canceled the weekend? What Are you and his father planning to only be Fairweather parents? If the kids sick and it’s your weekend guess what you got vomit clean up duty. But yeah it would be nice if she would’ve told you about it before you picked him up.

Also, the way you said “we get him ALOT”….yeah he’s his kid. You better prepare yourself lady, because if she gets hit by the beer truck you’re gonna have him a lot more. That’s what it means to date someone with children. You might want to think long and hard about whether or not you’re really cut out for it. Because if you’re asking questions like this and making a comment like that I fear that you may where the evil stepmom badge later.

“He should stay home”…. Your boyfriends house is just as much his home as the home he has with his mother. His home is wherever his father is.

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So I get why you are mad we have it per court order if said kid has the flu they stay at the current parents house to avoid spreading it to more. If it’s a cold it’s a whatever I mean like puking up his guts type sick. Or give the heads up hey kid threw up once this morning but is fine now type thing. Yes she should’ve at least told you. Yes if I were her I would want to keep them cause they are sick. But its not going that way don’t get frustrated more just take care of sick kid and the kid will appreciate it more. Then ask mom to at least give more of a heads up so you can prepare. Like have warm soup bed ready, that type of thing

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I feel she should give you a heads up when he is aick so that you all can take the proper precautions at your home to care for him while he is with you. Regarding him staying home until he is well, I don’t think so. Everyone should share in taking care of their sick child even if the parents are no longer together.

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I think before covid, like a decent person, if you get sick at one house you should stay there! Why expose more people to any sickness than you already have?! It’s being a decent person. And when he was in quarentine he should’ve stayed put. Unless she told yall and you were okay with it.

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So here is my take on this, I am a parent as well as a bonus parent so I see both sides! Out of RESPECT for the other household I feel like the child should stay at whatever home they were at when they got sick to keep from exposing it to the rest of the family that hasn’t already been exposed. This is part of respect for the other household! And let’s go a bit further here… when this is the few days they get to spend with the other part of the family they don’t want to spend what little time they have with the kid being sick, they would rather enjoy the few days they get when the kid feels well so they can maximize their visit! Being a every other weekend household it makes a difference! So call it what you will, I call it decency and respect for the other household as well as the kid that wants to enjoy their short visits!

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Yes, she should have let you know, so you could bring a trash can ect, in case he pukes in the car. But NO…plans continue on as normal. You and his father can take on a sick child as the parents. (Just like she would have) But give you guys a heads up so you can make sure you have everything the child would need being sick…soup, clear liquid, Tylenol, popsicles, or whatever.

You’re the asshole! There is zero excuses when it comes to being a parent. If mom can take care of him when sick, so can dad. The ONLY exception would be if the child, himself, said he wanted to stay home because he didn’t feel well.

Yes, a heads up would be nice, but parenting responsibilities don’t cease because the child is sick.

If he gets sick at dads house stay there to not spread shit if he gets sick at moms house stay there so he doesn’t spread shit. Have we learned nothing with covid? You’re not an asshole I’d be the same way especially because we have 3 other kiddos here.

Hmmm… strange responses. COVID adds a new dimension.

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