My boyfriend becomes abusive when he drinks: What should I do?

Take it from someone who used to be an abusive drunk, leave now. If you want to try and fight for your relationship, tell him he has to choose on his own. You or the drink, there is no “just a few drinks”. There’s no such thing as little when it comes to a drunk. It has to be his choice, if not he’ll hold you in contempt. Trust that you are in a dangerous place right now.

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It only gets worse if they’re abusive
He’s only your boyfriend, makes it much easier to kick him to the curb

Do not EVER let a man put his hands on you EVER! Get out!!!

Leave. Your kids don’t need that shit. At all. If you won’t leave then film him the entire time he’s drunk. Like put your phone on record in the living room or whatever and show him what he’s like after he’s sober. After he sees it, give him an ultimatum. He’ll choose you and the kids or alcohol. But either way, you’ll have an answer.

Leave, it only gets worse.

A good friend of mine told her husband to quit drinking or she’ll leave him. He’s been sober over 32 years.

Get away. My father was a drunk and the abuse will never stop.

Drinking changes people into monsters. Leave unless he stops.

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Many men show their personality when drinking. Sober they are controlled. I have known both kinds of men. Some just are mellow just don’t annoy them, others you don’t have to do anything and they are just ass holes. Myself I would leave if it gets physical like you said or make him go ….call 911 to get him out and restraining order for sure. I was going to get an annulment after one week of marriage, but he never touched me again. Together for 11 years though not the happy relationship you always envision.

HE won’t get help as long as he has you to take his anger out on. You also need to protect your children

If he hits you at all LEAVE!!

Get out while you can

Some people are NOT good drinkers! Stop it now no drinking or no relationship. These issues only progress…

I left my former husband. He got abusive when he drank. It just kept getting worse. Just leave. The last time was when he said, if you leave me. I will kill you & my son. So, no one can have us then he said he will kill himself. I left & hid for 2 weeks and put a restraining order on him.

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Get out…NOW!!! Been there… done that!! :pensive:

Why isn’t he your Ex?
If he’s doing this in front of your kids and you don’t leave, what will you say if your kids get hurt? Smh

I’ve 100% been there.
Some people can drink alcohol and remain civil.
Other cannot.
As you said… they’re abusive in all forms.
It comes down to you making a decision.
Will he quit to stop bei g abusive or will you have to leave?
Mine quit, intermittently at times… however the abuse became a sober behaviour and at that point I had to say goodbye.

If he’s abusing you in front of your children you need to leave before CPS gets involved. I lived in a transitional housing where a girl got her kids taken from her for staying in an abusive relationship

It won’t get any better

Collect your important papers & put in a safe place where he can’t get to them (locked office desk, family member’s or friend’s house, new safe deposit box in your name only).

Call a women’s shelter or visit their website to learn how to leave him safely, protecting yourself & any children. Make a plan with a friend or family member to get away from him & to a safe house where he’s unlikely to be able to find you. It’s probably easier for you to leave than to kick him out. If your name is on the lease/mortgage talk to women’s shelter or a Realtor about what to do.

Ask the cops what they can do. They probably have a domestic violence person on staff who can help. Is it worth it to film/record him when he’s drunk and abusive? What happens if you file a report against him? A slap on the wrist? A night in jail? Ask about an emergency restraining order. Does he have any priors? His putting his hands on you could be elevated to a felony if it’d be his third strike.

Plan your escape & execute your plan!

In your favor: you are not married so no legal consequences of leaving, & if you don’t have kids with him, you never have to see or talk to him ever again.

Good luck. You know what you have to do. Know that while scared, many women leave their abusers every day, and you can too. Q

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Pack your bags and put them in a closet, wait until he passes out, superglue his dick to his leg then leave…carma is a bitch when he wakes up!!!

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Leave. Wtf. Next question

I’m sorry but why are you still with him?

I would wait till he is asleep and smash him in the face…

Yes thats what i did then left…yipeee

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I dealt with it, then I left. Best decision I’ve made.

Ummm leave? If he chooses alcohol over you, you don’t matter enough in his eyes and that’s reason enough to leave him.

Don’t put up with it. LEAVE…unless you want to live like that.

Leave him or kick him out…

If you have to ask then you know the answer already.

Why hang around the door opens for you also not only for him

Say goodbye girl, you are worth more than that and deserve better.

For everyone saying leave, it’s not that simple. My ex husband was exactly as described above. Problem was, he had cut me off financially, monitored every move I made, phone calls, shopping, etc. I was terrified he’d kill me or my kids because he stated he would. The fear alone is enough to paralyze you in your situation. I finally called my mom (1400 miles away) to send help. She sent my brother and uncle on her dime to pack us up and leave. I called 911 after he busted in my daughters bedroom door to get to me and called his command (he was military) to have him removed from the home and got a restraining order. While he was confined to the barracks, I skipped town with everything including the kitchen sink. He had isolated me from family, friends, everyone. It was a literal living hell. So, leaving, isn’t as simple as it sounds when you’ve been terrorized into believing you’re worthless, at fault and nothing without this other person. Or worse, when they’ve threatened the lives of your loved ones if you so much as even think of leaving. Good luck to this woman. Pamela A. Bromberg has very sound advice.

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Get him charged and taken away. Don’t stay or you might end up dead or the kids will get hurt. Get out now. He’s not worth it. Make a plan if hes controlling and do it while hes out

I think we should get one of these for Nancy P. To live in while she is speaker of the house.

Leave. Why is this even a question?

Leave now or you’ll really regret it.

Easy get rid of the problem “HIM” !!

Leave the abusive cunt NOW

I. Not judging you,but. You know what you have to do . When he is gone pack what you need. If the place is yours go to police e and ask them to explain how to remove him.do not do these things while i

Doesn’t Bobbit ring a bell

He is drunk or drinking you cannot. Help him while he’s in this state. And he will hurt you good luck and I’m praying for you.

I dealt with this exact same thing since a year after I got married so say 2014, and finally in April of 2019 I took my kids and moved and we broke up, then we tried to work it out and he quit drinking for a few months but the started again. So now we are only friends and hardly talk, only because of my kids that he was around since they were little and the love the man they call dad

The father of my child was already verbally and physically abusive before he drank. Mix in alcohol and it was 1000 time worse. I left best decision i ever made. People dont change unless they want to. He’ll resent you if you try to help him. I wish i had the guts to get out sooner than i did. It only got worse as time went on. He destroyed our home and still blames it on me to this day. Crazy is crazy, id leave before it gets any worse darlin.

I got a restraining order and moved 73 miles. Havent seen or heard from him in almost 9 years. My son is happy, healthy, and safe from the anusive alcholic that helped make him.

Kick him to the curb​:smiling_imp::smiling_imp::smiling_imp:

Leave. He will promise you the world then. Don’t believe it. He may be the perfect guy for a while. And then bang. Will give you every excuse out there. It is not your fault. It is his. He will never stop.

Leave him. Just leave. You’re too beautiful to settle for that. And god forbid you have kids with a man like that… I left with two kids and have been raising them on my own. Went from being homeless and on welfare to working a full time, respectable job. No welfare, no child support, just hard work and determination. Get out while you can girl.

Next time he touches you call the cops.

U cant help a alcoholic when they dont think they have a problem. Make a plan for yourself n move on u owe it to yourself n your kid

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This isnt even a question you should be asking other ppl. Leave his ass. Restraining order. And thats it. Its common sense. And pls forgive me for bei g a lil too honest. But have u not watched law and order. Or other shows and movies. Women end up dead. I went thru it for 3 years. Guess what. I ended up with my skin being ripped from the inside. Busted lips. Black eyes. Blood coming out my ear. Being knocked out cold. Dont help him. Do what u gotta do for urself. And pray for him to get well. Thats all

He does those things to make himself feel better about his actions. BE A MAMA BEAR AND PROECT YOURSELF! If you have kids you can do it alone! It’s hard but the only thing that will change is he not there. You got this!

Best thing for you is to leave him it will get worse I know because I went through it back in the 60

Don’t stay too long with him, you will be wasting your time and years with him. It’s a lost cause.

give him a choice and stick to it, if he won’t change he doesn’t deserve you

You know what to do, do it!

Can be a certain drink that turns people, other than that you could record him then show him when he’s sober that would/could stop him drinking forever if he sees himself in the cold harsh reality , if he’s scary then it’s completely uncomfortable and that’s just a miserable life you don’t deserve :cry: x

As soon as you can get away from him, it only gets worse. The alcohol is more important to him than you.

Call a shelten and get the heck out of there.

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I spent 10 years of my life being married to someone just like this, wish I would have found my balls and left as soon as it started getting bad.

I spent 11 yrs with a boy (not worth the man title) that drunk every night… everything was always my fault and nothing I did was ever good enough. He belittled me all the time, very verbally abusive then it got to the hitting stage, said I made him do it. Took me 11 yrs to get it through my head that he will never change. We didn’t have children together and I lost everything I had when I left… I thank God every day for my husband, he showed me what a man is…

Moral of the story,
He’ll never change, it will get worse… you need to leave… you can always start over but you’ll never get another life… I’m praying for you.

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It will only get worse, end this before something really bad happens, plus don’t waste your life he will continue to blame you for everything, I spent 17 years with an alcoholic

It only gets worse…leave now

Quitte ça. Il va te dire que c’est ta faute à chaque fois

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First sentence in LEAVE

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The fact you used the word abusive says everything. Leave him. It won’t get better later on I can promise you that

I am a recovering alcoholic so I say he gets help and kick him out until he can prove himself otherwise go it alone. Alcoholic’s are very selfish people, it’s all about number 1.

Run as fast as you can. You deserve better than this .

So video have a sorry bastard ass and treat you then put them out

Find a way to leave! He won’t get better unless he wants to and the addiction will always come first. The abuse is likely to escalate as well. I wasted 13 years and allowed my ex to be the father to our 3 boys who are now burdened by the consequences of their father’s demons and behaviors as well.

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I didn’t bother reading the rest. If you have to question it then you’re… :thinking::expressionless:

Lady leave now if he abuses you he will abuse your children

He is fully responsible for his actions sober or drunk as he chose to get that way. If you feel at all unsafe, get out now. It will only get worse.

I feel like I just read my own story…I’ve dealt with this and the ONLY thing that worked was me leaving. It was the hardest thing to do…but it was so worth it when all said and done. He absolutely will NOT change until he’s ready and I learned that the hard way. Dont waste your life or time…just leave and see how it plays out.

Get away from him NOW Dont be stupid

He needs to get help ! The sooner the better

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Leave it will only escalate! We don’t want to read your obituary.

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Leave, it’ll only get worse!

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What do you mean what should you do? Leave is the only correct answer.

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Leave as soon as possible. When he realizes that you’re serious, he may apologize, he may make promises, he may try to manipulate you any way he can. Stay strong. There are hotlines for abused women - they can offer some support and direction. There are also shelters for abused women. You owe it to yourself to stay strong!!

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My dad is an abusive alcoholic and never saw a problem with it because most of the time he didn’t really remember the extent of his abuse and when he did he would cry and apologize and say it wouldn’t happen again but it did, people with drinking problems won’t stop unless they want to, and fighting with a drunk person is a huge no no and lastly, if you were to attend Alanon(spelling?) They teach you to live your life and not let what hes doing effect you and if you can’t do it, you need to leave, but trying to tell him what he can and can’t do isn’t going to work and isn’t safe or healthy for you??!! Abuse is abuse, get out now

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LEAVE , if you stay he will never change , he won’t ever stop - he may stop for a while but he will always go back to it . His abuse WILL get worse , guaranteed . Alcoholics are selfish people , he isn’t concerned about you or how you feel - he only pretends to be when he is begging you to stay and apologizing ( all manipulative) Leave immediately!

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You know you need to do. Why do you ask?

I was in mine for almost 12 years man it was crap my kids couldnt do any thing i was called every name in the book but the right one smashed beer can in my face chipped teeth and all he couldnt be 500 ft around us one morning he woke up told me he dreamed of killing me i had to find away out i did it took him throwing a pan of hot food out the door on my little baby grand kid the cops got him that night for all kinds of charges i havent been back to him and want ever be and hunny all i can tell you is run like crazy cause it want get or be any better he has to want it and right now all hes chasing. Is taste of alcohol and not your love or relationship

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Take all the help you can get, statistics say it takes a woman 7 times of leaving before the actual leave for good, but some dont get out, make a plan talk to the resources out there, get the courage which is the hardest thing to do, u will be ok. One fay when hes at work just dont be there. Dont tell him ur leaving cause more can happen to u, and u have been hurt enough take 3 big breathes and say i dont deserve this shit and go. Good luck. And remember 99% of the time the truth comes out with alcohol. So be safe and be smart

Leave. You cant change him. Its an addiction they have to want to be better for themselves and you need stability safety protection. No one should tolerate that. Once is more than enough. You deserve better and you cant fix him.

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He’s not going to stop until he kills you. You need to leave.

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He’s not a us I’ve because of the alcohol. He’s an abuser, that’s it. Alcohol does not magically force decent people to become abusers. It merely lowers inhibitions on someone who already has abusive tendencies. He won’t change, and if at all possible, you should leave as soon as possible.

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As a survivor of DV, leave him :raised_hands:t3: it never gets better.

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I agree with everyone else
LEAVE

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all i read was the first sentence. you should leave him.

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My ex did the same. I made him stop drinking. It worked. 6 months later he was sober and put me in the hospital. He went to jail. Moral? Leave. Now.

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Go and never look back. God bless and good luck

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Leave ! It’s not worth being in a abusive relationship u don’t deserve it at all

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RUN RUN RUN he wont chaange

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I dealt with this for 5 years. Took the beatings when he drank. It doesn’t get better. Eventually it will tirn into a him or you situation.
My ex committed suicide 14 years ago after he tried killing me.
Please leave. Your life is worth so much more than he can give you.

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Things wont change! Even if he stops it wont be long before he drinks again & it will be worse!
Leave! Run! Don’t look back!

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Show him the door and change the locks. You are worth your weight in gold and deserve so much. Love yourself. Treat yourself with love and kindness. There is someone out there for you that will treat you right. He will never change.

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stick to your guns either he wants you or alcohol… he cant have both…

Leave before he beats you to death. I was in the same situation with my oldest sons father. He almost killed me twice before I found a way out

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