QUESTION:
“Okay… So My boyfriend and I got together. I didn’t know I was pregnant I just left a relationship that was depressed for me, and it turns out I was pregnant… Come to find out, I had a girl, but she isn’t my boyfriend’s… He’s aware of this, and he wants to be the father figure and doesn’t want my ex to know about her, but I just feel it’s not right I haven’t told my ex-boyfriend about her being his…I always have guilt hanging over my shoulders? What should I do! Help!”
RELATED QUESTION: Is It Inappropriate For A Child To Snuggle On The Couch With Dad?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Honestly , I’d get a dna test first . With both men . Then go from there . But if you 100% know it’s the exes , I’d tell him . He deserves to know . And she deserves to know.”
“I have 2 sons (and a daughter but she’s still a baby). My oldest son was raised by middle child’s dad as his own since 6 months old. However, my son was always told he had a daddy before his dad and if he wanted to meet him I would help. Slightly different situation but the point is the same, the child and bio dad need to know and gave a choice. It’s not your or your bfs choice to make.”
“You should not rob your daughter of that relationship with her biological father and you need someone less controlling around her as well. That’s a huge red flag.”
“What happens if you and the boyfriend don’t work out? Who is going to help you with the baby. In the future, if something ever goes wrong and it goes to court and you knew the baby was his, and you didnt tell him, that does not look favorable, on too of that, the child deserves to know who is real father is.”
“You should definitely tell the dude! What happens when the new guy bounces? That baby deserves to know who her father is good or bad.”
“The biological father deserves the chance to be a father. your daughter would be devastated later in life to find out you kept this secret.”
“Your gut feeling is what you need to follow through with. I understand where he’s coming from, but not giving her biological father a chance to even be there is unfair to her and him both. You need to be able to communicate with him about medical things for her sake because you never know when an issue can arrive and the medical history from her dads side could save her life just by knowing it. She can still love your boyfriend just as much as she would love her biological daddy. She will know nothing but love and that’s all that matters. If he turns out to be useless then you did your part, you can be at peace knowing you gave opportunities and he chose to not take them. She will still have a father figure that’s going to love her endlessly regardless.”
“Not only does he have the right to know his child, the child has the right to know her father.”
“If your boyfriend wants you to lie and pretend he’s the dad, he’s clearly not mature or responsible enough to be a parent. You should tell your ex. Him and your daughter both deserve the truth. Your boyfriend’s feelings should NOT come first here.”
“I went through this as the child and let me tell you there is nothing more horrible then being sat down as a 20 yo and being told hey I might not be your dad! I missed out on so much with my biological father and found out I had sisters. Your boyfriend can always be a father figure but that baby deserves the truth to be told.”
“NOT OK. The man has a right to know he has a baby. Should have been told immediately, when you found out about being pregnant.”
“Keep in mind this boyfriend may not stick around forever. What if she grows up thinking he’s dad and if you 2 break up, she finds out. How do you think she would feel to you for denying her her birth dad? Unless he’s abusive I say she has full rights to know her dad. If he refuses to be a dad it’s on him.”
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