Okay… So My boyfriend and I got together. I didn’t know I was pregnant I just left a relationship that was depressed for me, and it turns out I was pregnant… Come to find out, I had a girl, but she isn’t my boyfriend’s… He’s aware of this, and he wants to be the father figure and doesn’t want my ex to know about her, but I just feel it’s not right I haven’t told my ex-boyfriend about her being his…I always have guilt hanging over my shoulders? What should I do! Help!
Morals of what’s right aside, I recommend telling the baby daddy and the daughter when she’s old enough. If not for moral reasons, then for the medical reasons. If she doesn’t know who her blood parents and family are and she has medical conditions in the future, it could be a huge key component in helping her in the future. Not to mention the mental and emotional toll it will have in the future if she does find out.
That guilt you feel is your conscience reminding you of what you know is right. Your not obligated to tell him, however that feeling won’t ever really leave you. Tell him and make it clear that you felt he had a right know regardless of gore you left things. You can tell him you have someone that wants to raise the child as his own and leave the decision to him how much he is involved. As for your boyfriend talk to him Amit how much works he want to be told that he has a child even if it was from a relationship he washed to forget. Let him know you cannot go into this new life without being honest to everyone involved and starting off on the right foot. Honesty is the key and it is something that must be maintained in order for things to work right and for there to be trust all around. I hope things work out for you.
Ok, so scenario is almost identical to what happened to my husband prior to us meeting, except it was the mother to be who didn’t want the ex to know. He stood by her decision and even when the ex confronted him, my husband didn’t back down and they ended up in a physical altercation. They were high school students at the time and it’s now been over 30 yrs. He stayed with this girl for a year and bonded with the baby after she was born. The mom-to-be ended up letting her own mother adopt the baby. The young girl grew up thinking they were sisters. Really messed up situation. Anyway, girlfriend ended up cheating on him which caused their break up. The daughter soon grew up and learned from classmates the twisted tale and how her mother was really her grandmother and her sister was her mother… Very small town. Just a horrible way to find out. When the girl started asking questions about the father her family wouldn’t tell her but neighbors did and said it was my husband. She reached out to him on social media and my husband talked to her and did divulge the whole story. He said she deserved the truth. He was against not telling the dad from the beginning. When I read the letter to him and asked what he would recommend he instantly said to tell the biological father. So there you go, you have from someone who has been in this very situation. Tell the biological father. He has a right to know.
I’m going to give you the unpopular opinion it seems. Make the decision off of how you know the person. If he is a piece of s**t and would cause nothing but problems, leave the situation behind. You can always tell your side of the story when your child gets older. Medically, if there is a situation before the kid is 18, you can always find him or his family to ask and spill the beans in the process. Now I only say this from experience of not following my gut and falling for the guilt of being dishonest. I have two kids with a narcissistic piece of work who I did let sign their birth certificates. At the time, one of my best friends offered to sign both of their birth certificates but I was too guilt ridden to do so because I thought he was the father and he deserved to be in their lives. However, that man is nothing but toxic and I pray every day that my kids see that and don’t end up like him.
Her dad has the right to know that she is his. Just because you guys didn’t work out doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the right to be her father.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend doesn't want my ex to know the baby is his: Advice?
Tell him he has a right to know
You need to tell baby daddy. He has a right to know his child.
Your ex has a right to know he has a child wether your bf like it or not
Dawg. He has a right to know. Quit letting your storm get your kid wet. Let them know their father.
If the situation was reversed would you want to know you had a child? Yes you would. Or ask your boyfriend that same question cause I’m sure he would want to know. It’s also not fair to the child to grow up thinking a man is her dad when he isnt biologically her father. She would deserve to know where she came from. I’m honestly shocked at how you would let your new boyfriend determine this for you and your child.
You should not rob your daughter of that relationship with her biological father and you need someone less controlling around her as well. That’s a huge red flag.
He has a right to know.
Put urself in ur exes shoes. How would you feel if you had a child in this world and had no clue about it.
Honey your daughter deserves to know her real father and he deserves to know about his daughter. The longer you leave it the harder it will be. Don’t let a man tell you what to do. EVER!
Take a paternity test first
Tell him he has the right to be in that baby’s life.
Yeah, try explaining THAT to your daughter when she is old enough to find out the truth.
Im sorry but he needs to know he has a child in the world now its not fair to him tk be left out of this
Ask your boyfriend how he’d feel if some chick did that to him? Tell your ex…
I can say if I were in your spot… I’d prob not say anything after my experiences. But to each there own.
Really? She deserves to know her bio dad. He deserves a chance to know his child.
If he was toxic and caused you stress leave it alone. You don’t need to put you or your daughter through that.
I think you already know the answer.
You need to do whats right by your daughter. She needs the chance to get to know her biological father. If the biological father doesnt want anything to do with her, rhen let the new boyfriend step in.
Boyfriends can come and go, and there’s nothing to say that your present boyfriend is mr forever. All going Well, her biological father will always be her dad .
Do whats right. Guilt is consuming you for a reason
Tell your ex.
Thats sad to your daughter, she could have a loving father
He has the right to know he has a baby
If dad isn’t a legit safety issue he absolutely should know. If roles were reversed you’d want to know…
My sons fathers girlfriend did the same exact thing. Its wrong and the dad has a right to know. And most importantly it’s only going to hurt your daughter in the long run. She WILL find out!
My moms mom lied to her about who her real dad was too. She didn’t find out until she was about 40 but things like this are traumatic. You don’t want your daughter to grow up and know her mom lied to her about a huge part of her life.
Your boyfriend can still be a father figure to your daughter also. There’s nothing wrong with step daddies
Annnnd in 18 years they’ll both find out, when one or both of them take an ancestry test. How will that make your daughter feel at that point?
Hard to say because we don’t know your ex. If he’s a narcissistic asshole then she will be used as a pawn in some way. This is a decision that you alone have to make.
It’s only right that he knows it’s his baby. Don’t take that away from him. You know the right thing to do just gotta do it hun.
Honestly , I’d get a dna test first . With both men . Then go from there . But if you 100% know it’s the exes , I’d tell him . He deserves to know . And she deserves to know .
Do what is right and tell him
Your boyfriend sounds toxic as hell…
He has a right to know your boyfriend has no choice in the matter it’s not his child and bio dad deserves to know period and baby deserves to know who her dad is period
No defo tell the ex if your questioning it you know its the right thing to do. Your new boyfriend can still help and stick by you if he feels that way but the ex has every right to know if he is going to be a dad. Hope it works out for you x
Tell the truth. The Truth shall set you free.
fuck ur boyfriend …think about your child he/she has the right to know their biological dad periodt
Think about your child above a man at all times.
He has a right to know and your boyfriend isn’t a good man if he thinks it’s ok to hide a child from their other parent. Id tell the ex and leave the boyfriend.
Tell him, if your current boyfriend leaves you, your poor child will have no father at all.
Honesty is always best! That dad has the right to know he has a child!
What if in the future something medical came up? Family history and knowing blood types.
Honestly at some point in her life your daughter will find out the truth and then so will your ex. I personally would tell him. I think they both deserve to know the truth and it wouldn’t be fair for you to take away the chance of them having a relationship together.
He needs to know. If she.ever needs blood it will come out…do whats.right for your baby.tell him.
Dad helps rear his child??? Involved with his child??? Monetary support for his child???
He needs to know for many reasons not to mention what of your daughter ever fell sick and her only match was her bio dad? Then what? Your current bf would not want to know if his ex had his kid? Of course he would. Tell the man what he deserves to know
He has a right to know
That might fly in 1950. Won’t work in 2021. Might as well tell him now before he finds out later.
Your boyfriend doesn’t get to decide that your daughter shouldn’t know her father. Unless your ex is abusive or a junkie he deserves to know that he has a daughter and she deserves to know her dad. Bf can still be a father figure there’s no rule that she can’t have more than one. He is way out of his lane here.
I grew up not knowing my father. I can’t tell you how embarrassing and awkward it was every time I went to a new doctor or filled out medical forms and having to leave half of it blank. It was worse during my pregnancy because then I realized I had to leave a chunk of her medical info blank too. I felt like I was already failing her. Please don’t do that to your daughter.
Your bf isnt forever at this point he is temporary. A good relationship with your daughter is forever so dont lie to anyone. Being a mother is being selfless. Not wanting to do the right thing because your bfs morals are a mess and you even questioning it is all pretty telling tbh. Get a new bf
Your child grows up and finds out she could resent you for not telling her. You should not keep your child from having her real father in her life. That’s not your bf decision hun. The bf will still be a father figure if you are together but the real father had a right to know he had a daughter unless he’s a safety issue.
Don’t do it! Because when your boyfriend gets mad it will surface, trust me
Truth always comes out!
I would tell him now, before your daughter gets older and finds out for herself. I can promise you she will hate you if you keep her bio dad from her.
That is not a decision that concerns him. That is the child’s father and you have the responsibility to do right and inform the father so this child will have access to her father. That’s a red flag and if you dont think so then you are just as guilty the longer you continue to do this.
Umm je has a right to know. If the current bf don’t like it, then too bad. He can get over it.
Question is why wouldn’t he have a right to know and what’s the reason your now bf dosent want him to know and how would he feel if he found out that he had a daughter but another man dosent want him to know
Don’t deny her of her biological father. Thats AWFUL!
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Your child deserves to know her bio father UNLESS there are issues there. But if bio dad is not a threat then they deserve to know each other.
Your daughter can have two strong male figures in her life if the adults agree to be adults.
Wow how is this a question?
There’s nothing wrong with 2 dads because one day your child could end resentful that she didn’t know. Being a RN there are many health reasons
Dad has a right to know and if so be it, be apart of his child’s life. Feel for step daddy though❤️
I would find a new boyfriend. A father has the right to know a child is his regardless of if you are together or not. Sounds like your boyfriend is jealous and selfish. I would move on so quick. And the fact you haven’t told him already and the child was already born, doesn’t make you much better
Put yourself in his shoes… would you want to know?
He has a right to know. Now whether or not he has a relationship with his daughter is up to him. Never not tell her when the time is right, but also never let a temporary solution try to give an answer in regards to a permanent situation.
Why doesn’t your boyfriend want him to know?
Did your boyfriend sign the Birth Certificate?
Is your ex a safety concern towards his child?
If your ex isn’t a safety concern then why hide it?
He absolutely has the right to know! And if your boyfriend doesn’t understand that then he is an immature selfish pos.
He can still be her father figure even if he’s not her bio dad. Just because you get someone pregnant doesn’t make you a father, sticking around and taking care of your children and their mother makes you a father. Plenty of men who stepped up to raise children that weren’t their own.
Depends in what kind of person he is…
All your dession but I Thaink every kid and ever my parents should know about one another
Tell him , the longer you leave it the harder it will get and the hurt anger and regret your daughter will feel later in life if she finds out you knew all along
The only way I’d see this being okay is if the ex is dangerous. Other wise, I don’t think it’s fair to not let him know and take something like that away from him. It’s okay for kids to have a bonus dad
Do what you feel is right. You already know what you want to do.
It’s not a question to be asked…your daughter has a right to know her father as he has a right to know her…lies will destroy your relationship with your child in the long run …
The boyfriend is cool for taking the baby on as his own; but, you must tell the ex that you’re in a relationship, and your bf is excited to welcome the baby into the family you all have created. There’s grace in the words you use to approach it. Two daddies are better than one!! Blessings!!
Not only does he have the right to know his child, the child has the right to know her father.
Need to be honest with everyone involved ,if x doesn’t want to be apart of her life thats on him. Don’t deny a father his child because ur no longer together.
The dad has every right to know he has a daughter.
That’s not right. Ffs. Not telling him is 100% selfish!
I mean, if you feel like it’s not right, then it probably isn’t.
I guess it depends on the type of person your ex is… why did you leave…
What happens if things don’t work with you and your boyfriend? Your ex needs to know he has a kid. She deserves to know who her daddy is.
The baby has a right to know both parents.
Its not about you or your boyfriends wants, its about the child
He needs to know that’s not right. What if a medical emergency comes up in the future. It’s selfish not to tell the real dad he has rights and his family
You have to tell your ex the truth. If not it will hang over your head forever. If your daughter also has the right to know who her real father is.
If your boyfriend wants you to lie and pretend he’s the dad, he’s clearly not mature or responsible enough to be a parent. You should tell your ex. Him and your daughter both deserve the truth. Your boyfriend’s feelings should NOT come first here.
Imagine if someone kept a child that was yours from you being the shoe on the other foot. Absolutely horrible to do to someone.
You know what to do , be honest and let her have all the love coming her way .
I get why your boyfriend feels like this. He’s been there for the pregnancy, the birth of your child. To him, that’s his child. You said you were depressed with your ex. Why?? Is he abusive?? The decision is truly up to you. In my eyes, your child has a father.
I was in this same boat and personally, I would tell your ex but make it known, your child has a father.
I slept with a guy a few times and got pregnant and didn’t tell him about our daughter until she was 11. I’m a shitty person for that. I took 11 years from both of them that they’ll never get back. Don’t do that to your child or her father. Her dad has every right to know about her and she has every right to know about him. Please tell him.
Speaking from someone who didn’t find out who her birth family was till many years later. You should tell him. She will want to meet him when she’s older.
Why did you leave. That should be your deciding factor on if you tell him or not
You should tell him. He has a right to know and what he does with that info is his choice. Your bf can still be the daddy figure. She can have two daddies. Nothing wrong with that. You also need to think about if you guys split is he still going to be willing to play daddy? Some say they will but don’t always do. I’ll give an example. I met my half sister at 8 years old. Reason it was so long was bc her mom and “father figure” at the time wanted that guy to be daddy. So my dad stepped back and he played dad for first 8 years. They never actually knew who she belonged to. When her mom and that guy split he all the sudden said it’s not my kid. He didn’t want to pay support. I ended up meeting my sister at 8 and she ended up deciding she wanted the dna test once she was 18. It was hardest on my sister for having to go thru all that tho. Your daughter deserves to know her bio parents and family regardless of what kind of people they are. And she needs to form her own opinion. Even if she ends up not having anything to do with him she still deserves to know who she biologically came from. Good luck momma. Do whatever you feel is best… it sounds like if you have guilt about it then you also feel you need to tell.
Only you can make this decision. If you want to tell him then you should. Your bf shouldn’t influence your decision at all. The only reason I can think of not to tell him is if he was abusive to you. No child should have to live like that.
The boyfriend is amazing for wanting to step up and be the father. But in the end, your daughter and her biological dad have every right to know the truth. Your bf is kinda shitty for not wanting ex to know he has a child.
I would have a sit down and ask him. If the roles were reversed, would he want to know the truth about his daughter? How would he feel if he found out eventually by someone else?
Yall need to be actual adults here. Since yall are raising this baby
wow what, even if my ex was controlling or whatever i would never keep then from his biological father, im sorry but thats just wrong on so many levels
Always be honest, when kids are concerned…always.