My boyfriend doesn't want my ex to know the baby is his: Advice?

Tell him! He deserves to know he has a child, and your daughter deserves to know where she came from.

I’m sorry but your bf doesn’t get a say! he isn’t her father as much as he would like to be.
Your ex has every right to know that he has a daughter and your daughter has a right to know her father.
the fact that your bf is pushing you to do such a horrible thing is a major red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:

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One day your daughter will want a ancestry test done. Then all will come out and your daughter will resent you for not being honest. A huge red flag for your BF.

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The truth will set you free!

Wouldn’t you want to know if the situation was reversed?

Tell the child’s father, because that is the right thing to do.

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He deserves to know… Your child deserves to know who their bio father is. And needs to know for medical reasons ect. You need to put your child first on this… He can still be daddy but hes not the father…

You need to do the right thing and tell him! You need to just make the text to meet up with him and tell this week or you’ll never do it

Ugh. 🤦 He doesn’t get to keep a child from her real father.

You shouldn’t try to hide it. I’ve seen dozens of posts of kids whose moms did this, and their “dad” isn’t theirs. Even if they love the man who raised them, it always leads to some very confusing and unnecessary emotions. Children deserve to know their parentage. If ex doesn’t want to be involved, that’s his choice and you can tell her when she is capable of handling it, but she may resent you later if you never tell him and she loses the chance to know him because of you.

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the biological father deserves the chance to be a father. your daughter would be devastated later in life to find out you kept this secret.

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If for some reason your daughter has any health problems it is best to tell him. Like if he has to give her a kidney or something like that.

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Is there a reason why you don’t want him to know? Like safety reasons or lifestyle reasons? If it’s just cause the bf doesn’t want him to know then no. That’s just ego.

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And what do you do if he leaves you? If it wasn’t abusive, why keep the potentially stable father away? If anything happens to you, god forbid, but there’s no guarantee your bf will be there…

I have 2 sons (and a daughter but she’s still a baby). My oldest son was raised by middle child’s dad as his own since 6 months old. However, my son was always told he had a daddy before his dad and if he wanted to meet him I would help. Slightly different situation but the point is the same, the child and bio dad need to know and gave a choice. It’s not your or your bfs choice to nake

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Wow u really have to ask this…

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It will come out before u die so just tell them.

For the sake of the child the father needed to know. A number of medical conditions are passed from gen to gen. Hopefully this will never be an issue but if it was the Doctors would be barking up the wrong tree. Talk to the father, find out what he wants, does he want to give up his parental rights if so then your boyfriend could potentially adopt

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One of my classmates just found out his dad isn’t who he thought he was… Guy’s 31. If your child’s biological father isn’t a POS, he deserves to know and have the opportunity to parent his child. Imagine how your child will feel finding this out one day.

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I couldn’t imagine explaining to my daughter I lied to her about who her mother is because another woman wanted me to.

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I’m sorry you going through this but her dad needs to know not only for health reasons but for your daughter he may step up and be an amazing dad you can’t deny him that chance. The fact your current bf doesn’t want you too is a form of control and mega red flag and it’s already messing with your head do what you in your heart feels right for both you and your daughter

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Wow… everything about this post screams “I shouldn’t have a baby” :flushed: #Yikes

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Tell the truth and don’t ruin that child’s life

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Do the right thing!
There’s nothing wrong with your daughter having 2 father’s in her life! The more love the better.

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You already know exactly what you should do.

Tell him. Give him the chance to be a father… plus someday your daughter may find out from someone along the way and it will break her heart. I went through this as a teenager and now I’m 37 and still struggle with it.

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Your gut feeling is what you need to follow through with. I understand where he’s coming from, but not giving her biological father a chance to even be there is unfair to her and him both. You need to be able to communicate with him about medical things for her sake because you never know when an issue can arrive and the medical history from her dads side could save her life just by knowing it. She can still love your boyfriend just as much as she would love her biological daddy. She will know nothing but love and that’s all that matters. If he turns out to be useless then you did your part, you can be at peace knowing you gave opportunities and he chose to not take them. She will still have a father figure that’s going to love her endlessly regardless.

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I don’t think I could live with myself keeping my daughter from having the chance to know her biological father. I would have such horrid guilt. I agree that there is nothing wrong with her having two fathers in her life!!! She would be a lucky girl to have them both if things went well otherwise with the two of you !!:purple_heart:

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Is this a joke, are u really questioning this. What is wrong with you jeez.
As for ya new fella, grow up m8,the baby isn’t yours, stop throwing ya toys out the pram. Most radiculous post ever. All the best🤔

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tell the dad, it is his child aswell, not just your possession that you don’t want to share, if the other guy doesn’t want the real dad to know then it’s because he needs the title of dad to care for the child rather than just caring for the child, I hate when women act like men are below par to them as parents just because they didn’t give birth to them because they physically can’t, you should tell him and let him decide for himself and I personally wouldn’t lie to my child every day, it’ll come out one day and she’ll never trust or respect you

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Unless he’s abusive your ex has the right to chose wether or not to be a father and your baby deserves to know her biological father and have a relationship with him.

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Regradless what the biological father is like thats his child. He has every right to know and decide if he wants to do the right thing.
He will b shocked may not believe u ag first and who can blame him. U need to tell Jim he has every single right. Your being extremely unfair not letting him have a chance with his child

I went through this as the child and let me tell you there is nothing more horrible then being sat down as a 20 yo and being told hey I might not be your dad! I missed out on so much with my biological father and found out I had sisters. Your boyfriend can always be a father figure but that baby deserves the truth to be told.

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You need to let him know he has a child. Your boyfriend has no right to tell you not to let your ex know it’s not his child

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Is the ex abusive, alcoholic or drug addict? If yes, maybe keep the info to yourself for now… if not, things could get messy eventually… what is your current bf reasoning for not wanting your ex to know?

Honesty how is this even a question that’s his CHILD :roll_eyes: grow up , use your head and do the right thing and tell the man. Unless he’s abusive or evil in some way

By not telling him is so unfair. He may not even want any part of wanting to be a dad but that is his choice. Also need to look at the future what happens if your ex has a child and later on your daughter and his hook up? Also your daughter has a right to know where her genes come from.

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Fuck me what kinda happy families shit are you guys trying to play?? Not being funny there’s dads out there that would love to see their children and there’s you playing dingle dangle to suit your bf’s needs?! Get a grip and the tell the poor man he’s having a child.

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Tell that man it’s his baby and rethink the boyfriend. That’s a red flag that he don’t want the real father to know.

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Be honest.
He deserves to know.
Imagine when she’s 18 and finds out and then what. He looks like the bad person

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Well if the ex reads this BOOM. He’s going to know now…on the other hand. I applaud the present man for wanting to step up but if he too wants to not tell then (unless it was a dangerous situation) this would make me question his loyalty

You know what to do.

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I have a family member who grew up thinking his father was his dad. When he was an adult he was told the truth about who his dad was. It’s was a secret no one really knew. Don’t do that to your child. You need to tell her real dad. She can grow up loving her real dad and loving your bf.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend doesn't want my ex to know the baby is his: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

Don’t lie about who your child is for no body .
Think about your child not your new boyfriends feelings.

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Ex needs to know he has a child

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There are medical reasons for knowing the real father. However, you can ask for him to sign over his rights. Not saying he will, but you can always ask.

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I think he deserves to know ( unless he is a danger to the child ) , I would sit down with your partner and explain you only want to do what’s right for the child and don’t want to lie to your child, Hope you manage to sort it :heart:

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Wtf why do you want a man that wants your child to not have the opportunity to know their real father? That’s taking away from her smh he would be gone in my book too selfish for me

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Yeah 3000% tell your ex.

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Ex needs to know and make his own decision of being in her life or not. What if u and ur bf dont work out? She can always have 2 father figures. Just be honest.

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Tell the father. It’s his right to know he has a child, unless you have a legitimate reason to keep him from her.

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I wish to god I’d never told my child’s father. He’s a drug addict who still has custody…. If that dad wanted 50/50 he’d get it. The court here has failed my child. 6 failed tests in 4 yrs.

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Honesty is the best policy

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Keep your mouth shut

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Tell your ex. If he doesn’t step up, that’s one thing and you can deal with it. But that needs to be his decision. Not yours and not your current boyfriend. That baby deserves a chance to have a relationship with her biological dad. Never ever stand in the way of that. In 20 years, if she asks you, why didn’t you tell me? How pathetic of an excuse is it gonna be when you say, “My boyfriend at the time didn’t want me to tell him.” You dont know what the future holds, but honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. He deserves to know, and you should want that off your chest so that later on down the road, your child doesnt find out and resent you for it.

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Unless he is a danger to you or your child, he deserves to know and deserves the opportunity to be a father. I also agree with needing to know medical history.

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Be honest honey it will come back to hit in the face

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You need to tell him. No ifs and or buts…just tell him.

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Your baby fathers has a right to know. Tell him!

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A good mother puts her child first. Your child deserves to know the truth. Her father deserves to have a chance to know his daughter. It’s not about your current boyfriend or yourself. Its about your daughter.

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If you don’t tell him then that’s really messed up

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Let your ex know he has a child. If you don’t when your child gets older there could be repercussions due to your selfishness.

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Tell the ex boyfriend it’s his daughter, or in about 20 years, via Ancestry, it’ll come back to haunt you.

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Sorry from ur boyfriends point of view he is the father and dont want the baby or u to have to worry with a person that treated u bad but from a medical view it will be best for ur ex to know and possibly sign his rights over so u will know all medical problem history from his side… So that being said a father isnt by blood it is man that steps in and says i got this

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You should be honest in a situation such as that!

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Your bf would be a exbf. Ur ex bf should be told that this child is his. Ur bf if he doesnt like that then he needs to go. Ur ex and ur baby girl will find out the truth one day and it will be bad for you.

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Every situation is different, and only you know yours 100%.
If you and/or your boyfriend don’t want the child’s father to know because he’s dangerous, toxic, unhealthy role model, etc… then that’s a decision you have to make. With the support of your boyfriend, one way or the other.
Co parenting with an ex can get messy and stressful, but that’s no reason to cut that relationship off before it even had a chance, without just cause.

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Only you know your situation pray and ask God for guidance no one here can help you.

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Your kid will hate you if you don’t tell the truth. It’s her identity.
Speaking as a child who was lied to.

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Keeping secrets like this is going to come back and bite you in the ass. It’s only proper someone knows they are a parent . Then in 18 yrs when said child shows up at his door. Would you want to live your daughters entire life with such a secret?

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You need to tell your Daughters Father he is the Father. Your Daughter deserves this. If he steps up then great if not then cut your losses and move on. There’s nothing saying this current boyfriend will always be with you.

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You tell him! He is the Father, that’s messed up. If the real father doesn’t want to step up or… that is his loss. But you are taking his choice away. We are the mom’s so we know, but imagine if it were you who had to be told, & they didn’t. Your boyfriend right now, he can walk away at anytime, and owe you or that child nothing, I know y’all all in love right now, but life doesn’t always work out like that… your child deserves more than that.

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What about if your current leaves and decides he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby. Then what call up the real dad and tell him what you did and ask him to be the dad! It’s inevitable with needing to know medical history and things like that that the real father and child will eventually find out. Keeping it from them both is selfish and wrong!

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The truth will always prevail. If you hide it from him now, he is surely is going to find out one day and so as your daughter. Ask yourself, what would be the reaction when your daughter finds out the truth? Truth will always sets you free darling. xo

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Tell your ex he is the father.

What if your dad wasnt actually your dad and your mom never told you…

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I think it’s only fair that you tell your ex only because that is her real dad… whether you two worked out or not, it’s not a determining factor or whether or not he should be in her life. And plus the guy you’re with now is just a boyfriend, you’re not even married, so who knows if it will work out or not. It’s going to be hard and cause a lot of drama but it’s the right thing to do. Your boyfriend now can still be a father figure to her if he wants but the ex also deserves a chance.

Your child deserves to know…whatvif you and boyfriend don’t work out…should do the right thing.

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Trust me … tell the ex. You’ll save alot of heart ache for everyone involved .

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Every man deserves to know if he has a child. Unless he is abusive and would be harmful to the child, then he deserves to know. If your bf wants a kid so bad then y’all can have another, but this one ain’t his and theres nothing he can do about it. He can still be a father figure even if the real father steps up and takes care of the child.

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He’s controlling you and using your child to do so… Your EX deserves to know as does your child!! I’d be leaving your so called BF and running far away!!

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Your ex needs to know that the baby is his because your daughter will know the truth one day, and if your boyfriend loves you and wants to be that family he says he does then he will understand that your little girl will be lucky to have 2 dads in her life, you don’t want it all to come out later and your daughter to hate you for keeping such a big secret from her

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Child support will sort it out as soon as the current boyfriend leaves you and this baby he wants to play daddy with high and dry. :roll_eyes:

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My daughter was 7 years old when I told her dad about her. Bad choice. She missed out on 7 birthdays 7 Christmas 7 father’s days with her real dad. When I told him he came over the same night and was a great dad too her from then out. It’s not just her dad she missed out on. She had really active grandparents that loved her dearly aunt’s uncles cousins that missed the first 7 years of my daughter’s life.

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Your child have the right to know your boyfriend don’t like it oh well he should never ask you lie anyways .makes me wonder what else your boyfriend lie about since he wants to keep secrets.

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Lying/withholding truth is never the answer.

He has a right to know. Plus the truth always comes to light!

That is rightfully his child!! Tell him. There’s no reason not too. He deserves to be in her life. And the boyfriend HAS NO SAY in the matter.

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I can add a future perspective that may be helpful. My husband found out a couple of years ago, at the age of 45 that his Dad is not his biological father and it has been quite the blow! His biological father had no idea he existed and missed out on his whole life. Please be honest with your ex boyfriend and your child as she grows up. Your current boyfriend can still have a fatherly role without being her biological father. If he is there for her during her life, DNA doesn’t discount that.

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There are certainly some nasty comments on here and I’m sorry for those responses when you’re asking for help in this situation. It is certainly difficult and none of us know the history or what kind of person the ex and current boyfriend are so only you can truly make this judgment call. You are the mom and have the right to make this decision in the best interest of the child whichever way you choose. I can’t tell you what is right for your family, I can only tell you what I would do with the limited information and I would honestly tell my ex. I wouldn’t want to risk it coming out another way and hurting my child. Either way, this is your life and your child’s life and only you can decide what’s best. Prayers for wisdom and calm nerves during this situation. :heart:

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I imagine your new man would respect you more for being honest because I imagine he would not want such a huge thing kept from him

You have to do what’s best for your daughter. And you as her mother is the only one who can decide that. If he isn’t good for her physical, mental, etc well being then let it be with your boyfriend being her only dad.

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Do the decent thing , tell the truth if not it will only come back and bite you on the ass in the future ,the decisions you make now effect the future, think about that one :smirk:

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You should tell him,it’s his kid

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Jerk of a boyfriend. Don’t let him have that kinda power over you

Tell the ex the truth…

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He has a right to know and youd feel better.

They both have a right to know how their blood is. I think u should tell ur ex the truth. And if ur bf now doesnt understand its ok. Now baby will have 2 dads. I always considered myself lucky to have my biological father and my step dad.

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Unless you think your ex would only use it against you or be a risk to the child then I feel like he has every right to know he has a kid out there

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