My boyfriend doesn't want my ex to know the baby is his: Advice?

I was in that situation l. I wish I had never said anything to him. He’s not there for my son. Doesn’t care anything about him. He won’t even claim him.

he has a right to know. to make the decision for himself. it isn’t your choice to make. I know you feel that. hope you figure it out mama. much love.

Ummmmm you have to let the biological father know. If he finds out he can take you to court. And it will cause you hell

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Lol if the new boyfriend agrees to sign legal documents for child support until the baby is 18….then go for it

He has every right to know. If your current boyfriend gets mad, then he’s not the one.

Tell him? Shouldn’t be a question. She’s not your boyfriends baby. Therefore he shouldn’t have a say.

It depends really… was your ex crazy or abusive in anyway? If he wasn’t harmful to you just not a right fit then absolutely tell him, but if he at all has any ill intentions towards you, he may take it out on your child… it really depends on the circumstances. Your boyfriend can still be a father figure and in her life too obviously. But do whatever is best for your child.

I honestly would need more info to give advice. I’ve seen this go both ways and turn out well and very, very wrong.

You’re ex boyfriend has every right to know. It’s very selfish to hide that from anyone.

Tell the ex regardless hun but make it known you’re happy with someone and that they’re going to be involved of your baby’s life, and if the ex chooses not to be in the baby life than that’s on him… but at least you don’t have to hide it from him. Just my opinion but if you keep it from him eventually the truth will come out with facial feature ect. You mentioned you were depressed in the previous relationship, if there isn’t anything concerning like abuse or demestic violence I’d at least tell him. Kinda feel like maybe aleast give him to be a being a parent. Lots of family’s co parent! :heart: best of luck momma!

Ummmm no. And what if y’all break up, he’s just gonna say, “that’s not my kid.”???

You should tell him. Absolutely should tell him.

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You have to tell the ex he is a father he deserves to know !!

Tell him and let him make a choice weather to be in her life.

Tell the Father. It’s his right to know he has a child

The truth is always the way to go

Just gonna hurt her down the road.

So intern I’m getting random people on Facebook messaging me asking to buy my son so fuck telling

Tell him it’s the right thing to do that way u won’t feel guilty.

Your ex needs to know.

Its not for your boyfriend or your ex, its for your baby you need to tell. She deserves to have her birthfather in her life if he (and she when she gets older) want to. Your boyfriend can still be her dad, its not the blood that shows parenting, its who is there when needed.

That’s to heavy for you to carry around

Be a real mother and dont keep the child from her real father how would feel if the situation was flipped and someone was holding your child from you. This new guy might mot always be your boyfriend or always be around but her real father will always be her father like it or not . Ps your new man seems to be controlling even from the beginning it really has nothing to do with him great on him for wanting to help raise a child that is not his but shame on him for denying her real father the joy.

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He wants to be daddy right now…until you break up…or has to pay child support!! Tell the ex. You would want to know if you were in his shoes…why do women think men should be excluded at their cause!

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You need to tell your ex. That’s not fair to him. Especially since he’s already missed the birth, what if he would have wanted to be there even if yous didn’t work out.
Tell him.

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I would tell him for sure. That’s too much for you to be holding on your shoulders regardless of if your ex/current bf approves of you speaking about it.

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Tell the truth if not eventually will come back and bite you in the ass!

And let me tell you my sister has twin boys with a man that wasn’t stable in the picture. New boyfriend did the same thing. Asked my sister to cut all communication with him and not let him see the kids. Promised to take care of them. Well, now they are separated and the step dad is being a complete asshole saying they’re not his kids. Now the boys at 14 are blaming themselves for the separation and ask why it’s so hard for their “ dad” (stepdad) to love them. Meanwhile the real dad has recently come around. I’ve advised my sister to let those boys know about their real dad because they do deserve to know the truth.

Think of the roles were reversed. I think you should definitely tell your ex. It’s not your boyfriend’s choice to make. Your boyfriend seems to want to raise the baby which is great but if he really cares he can co parent with her dad and hopefully she can have 2 father figures in her life.

He can still be the father figure but the ex has a right to know he’s a dad and be there.

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Depends if your ex is a decent person, then he should know. If he’s not save that child emotional trauma and let the person that wants to be there, be there for the child.

You have to tell your ex. The truth will come out in the end in anyway.

The ex has a right to know and sign away his parental rights if he’s not willing. The present guy needs to step up and commit by marriage and adoption if he wants what he wants. He has no legal obligation now and later in the day if your child is attached to the non biological father and things go south with the two of you, it’s your child that will suffer the loss. Because the child will have bonded with a person that has no legal obligation or right to be in their lives.

Go on the Maury show.

He deserves to know.

He deserves to know and she does.

Absolutely tell him…

Tell him he should know

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Tell him now and don’t hide the truth from your child. I know from experience. I found out the man I called daddy since I could talk wasn’t my real dad when I was 5 years old and it devastated me. Give the man a chance to be a father to his child. Just because things didn’t work out between you two doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be a father to his child. I got lucky though. The man I always thought was my dad ended up being a better dad than the one who made me and I am happy to still call him my dad. What will happen if/when you and your current boyfriend break up? Can you trust that he will still be daddy to a child that is not his biologically? Your child and her father deserve to know they are family. Even if he decides he doesn’t want to be in your child’s life, at least you can sleep at night knowing you did everything you could to allow the relationship to grow. Who know… maybe he will surprise you. Do the right thing.

If that is your exes child he has a RIGHT to know. Do not deprive that child from more love just because the current boyfriend says not to tell him. Not his baby not his business. How would he feel if that was done to him.

Tell the ex. If the now boyfriend wants to be mad about it he can also grow up and stop acting like a child while he gets over himself.

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As long as he wasn’t abusive there is absolutely no reason to keep his child from him. That’s just wrong to not let a father know…

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He deserves to know he has a daughter and your daughter deserves to grow up knowing who her father is. To be quite frank it’s none of your boyfriend’s business. Do the right thing and tell him!

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That baby deserves the truth. That’s very selfish of your new boyfriend to even expect that :scream:

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Be truthful tell the dad!

Tell the dad. Thats really damaging to a child for one thing…

Tell your boyfriend to quit being a pussy and let the father know he has a daughter.

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The father of the child deserves a chance at being a dad. He has a right to know. It’s nice the current Bf wants to be the child’s father figure, however he can still play the step dad roll, or dad roll of the bio dad refuses to be in the child’s life.

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What was the situation? Was he abusive? Did he do things that could harm the baby?
If hes dangerous, you have a right to keep your baby safe. But dont do your daughter like that just to pet your new bf ego, if that’s all it is. Would you want someone to do that to you? How would you feel growing up thinking your dad was your dad, only to find out it was all a lie? This is a lifelong action that will influence your and her entire life. Think carefully. And do what’s best for your daughter.

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Your ex should know the truth. Truth always comes out of the bag and if not told could be bad unless he was physically abusive then I wouldn’t. But he needs to know. Your new boyfriend sounds controlling , controlling abusive. But I don’t know considering I don’t know him. If your current bf wants to be a dad so bad but can’t be, let him know he can still always be a dad but your ex needs to know cause how would you feel if this was your baby and I never told you and was raising it with another man with this situation? The real father needs to know and if your boyfriend is serious about you then he will still be there for you supporting your decision and stepping in as a stepdad father figure.

He deserves to know and she so does she. She would probably resent you when she’s older if you didn’t tell them because it will most likely come out at some point. Something similar happened to my husband and his dad died in a freak accident so he never got an opportunity to know him at all. I also had an amazing step dad. There is always room for extra love.

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Don’t be petty that little girl should Know who her biological father is

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You need to tell him…there are no rules that say your daughter can’t have 2 father figures. How would your bf feel if the tables were turned?

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If she finds out later in life and believe me they always do she will resent you both dont lie to her

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I wouldnt do it unless u want her to have resent toward you later in life.

I think you should tell him anyways. That isn’t right to your child or the guy. Maybe have someone else you can trust tell him and that way, you are not the one spilling the beans

It is disrespectful and abusive for your new boyfriend too try to keep the other father out of your child’s life. It is a huge red flag and you should run. Do not stay in that relationship.

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Seriously hon? You are willing to fuck your child over by telling her a lie about who her daddy is? SHAME ON YOU! Who gives a jolly fuck what the NON DADDY FRIGGING WANTS! Stop making life about you! You have a child now and you no longer are numero uno, babe! Stop being ignorantly selfish and tell your babies daddy he has a child!

Omg, tell the man! That’s his child, not to mention I’m sure your daughter will want to know who her real/bio father is some day.

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You can’t hide a whole child from someone. It will come out eventually.

Tell him, he deserves to know.

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Absolutely not. Tell the father and let him choose whether he want to be there or sign over his rights. If your current boyfriend does not understand this, your relationship is not going to last long because he is a narcissist

I think every child
Has the right to know their parents

Surely these aren’t real problems but made up scenarios for discussion purposes??? Who signed the birth certificate? If someone who is not the biological father signs the birth certificate, it is considered paternity fraud. It is illegal not to tell the biological father who when signing the birth certificate is acknowledging legal rights over the child. Your boyfriend does not have those rights unless he formally adopts your child

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Omg! Tell the dad! The new bf has no say in it whatsoever!

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This has got to be a joke. It’s got to be. Who in their right mind would do this?
Your boyfriend sounds like trash. Major red flag. If he wants to be a father, make his own baby.

Your poor ex boyfriend. He at least deserves a chance to be a dad if he wants to be. But let HIM make that choice, not your boyfriend.

Tell the truth.
It almost always comes out anyways.
He has a right to at least know that he has a child.

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Imagine some time down the line, something medical is needed or if your daughter does an ancestry dna and discovers all she has known was a lie, that you deliberately hid who her real dad is. She and the dad has a right to know

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So if your boyfriend leaves is he going to pay child support :thinking:
The truth is always the best route.

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I’m not saying it’s right to withhold this info…but to play devils advocate…there is something that’s been left out…what is the bio father like…what if he’s been abusive towards her and the new boyfriend may be scared what he would be like with a child…just putting that out there

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That is a huge red flag that sounds to me like a control thing so he knows you dont talk to your ex still and he don’t get to be the hero at the end of the day most definitely tell the bio dad

If the guilt is hanging on you now it will only be heavier as time passes. The right thing g would be to tell your daughter’s father. Your boyfriend should understand and respect that. Your daughter will always be your ex’s but will your boyfriend always be here?

Having been there… my mom put her new husband on my birth certificate. Me thinking he was my dad. Finding out different at age 6. Being made to move abruptly when they divorced. I would say…don’t you dare keep it from the bio dad. You don’t have to ask him for anything but he has every right to be in her life if he chooses. She has every right to know her bio dad and the boyfriend can be bonus. Just my opinion…I know there can be extraneous factors that could sway it.

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The only reason I could see not telling him is if the ex is a psycho and crazy abusive or something. But if the reason is just because the new boyfriend wants to be the dad… its BS and wrong.

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Tell him anyway. I didn’t and it bit me in the ass later on. She will resent the fact that you kept her from him no matter what your reasons are.

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Unless he is a danger to your little girl, he deserves to know her. You don’t have to be with him, but if he is a good person, just not good for you, he needs to know. Your boyfriend can still be a strong father figure in her life.

It’s not about your boyfriend or ex, that child should know their father…they didn’t ask to be put in this situation so them getting punished for your choice is wrong.

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Don’t tell him! It will ruin you In the end!!!

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Wow. My Son’s “Father” is a waste of space oxygen thief, but he still knows my Son exists.
Tell him or you’ll regret it. Think of the child before anything else!!
Their will come a time when she wants answers & finding out you never even told him bc your current bf has an issue, will cause something between the 2 of you!

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Wtf is wrong with you. :woman_facepalming:

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Tell your ex, her medical history in the future depends on knowing who her biological parents are

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Tell your ex unless he is a danger to the baby

What is telling him gonna fix? If guilt is your driving force, either live with it or mess up everybody’s life. Leave well enough alone.

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It’s gonna come out sometime ,better to tell now. He is her father .Like it or not !

There is something to be said about this complete thing. If the child should grow up thinking the boy friend is her father. Something should happen health wise. That test revealed he’s not her dad. You will be hated, should she need a kidney, are born morrow his want match, there’s nothing he can give her body wise. And the truth will come out. A lot to think about should you live this lie

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I mean splitting custody sucks…
He’s missing out on raising his child so I told him
… Now I miss important dates when it’s actually the grandma who takes him.
It’s up to you but parenting plans are so hard!!!

Y’all kids trip me out, playing games with you kids life. This isn’t a board game, or some episode of the latest reality show. This shit is real. It ain’t about you or which ever guy you want to spread those legs for. It is about that baby. That baby deserves to grow up knowing the truth and fuck all the drama you half grown teenagers want to play

He has the right to know he has a child and be in her life even if your not together and your boyfriend can still step up and be a step parent even if your ex is there for his child

Tell him! Every child deserves the right to know who their mother or father are and vise versa. Completely not fair. It’s not about you once you have a child.

I was in this situation. My bf threaten to hurt me if I told the bio dad. So I never did cuz I was so scared of my bf (at the time) now we’re broken up my bf has a restraining order against him but now he fighting for custody of my daughter that isn’t his but cali law he can get rights cuz he been in her life even tho he was in her life base off threats and threatening me. And her bio dad still doesn’t know cuz I am in a situation and idk what the outcome will be cuz I think my ex will win parentage regardless even tho he abused me and is how he was in our life. :frowning_with_open_mouth:. So if he doesn’t want the bio dad to know in my experience I would watch out.

Every child deserves to know who their father is, No matter what

Ahh naaa that shits nasty!! He should 100% know, if your ex dosent want to know her then atleast you aren’t keeping a nasty secret from your daughter, he should have been told as soon as you knew can’t believe you even have to ask.

Tell your ex, it’s his and he should know. The girl needs to know. Forget the men and think of your daughter, she is what matters and she deserves to know the truth. If you don’t, she will grow up to be resentful to you. If your ex isn’t a good father or doesn’t want to be there for her, then your boyfriend can step up and be a good father figure but she deserves to know the truth. Your child needs all the love she can get so if she has a dad and another father figure in her life, that’s awesome!

You need to tell him, you owe it to your daughter

Think of your child. It’s not fair to not let them know their father because you never told the father they existed

Tell the full Truth to all, sooner than later.
Your Daughter Needs and Deserves the Truth.

Tell the father stop being selfish

I think it’s selfish of him to put you in that situation. You need to tell the other man he has a child! You already know it’s right, as your conscience is resorting to FB to ask complete strangers. If the ex wants anything to do with the child that is his right, but he also needs to know that the child will be taken care of without him too.

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Ffs you have to tell him, It’s totally wrong to not let him know. It’s too late now but if you are sleeping with 2 boys, Get Birth Control, and make them wear a Condom. You should be careful of sexual transmitted diseases.

He deserves to know. It’s not fair to him or to your daughter.

Unless he was abusive and could possibly put u or your child in danger, I think u should tell him