Find out what hes seen, experienced or felt to make him so agaibsy marriage. Many people have negative association with it bc of parents, past toxic relationships, bad advice from people etc.
My boyfriend (who is the love of my life) is afraid of marriage for the same thing.I was so depressed when he said no when I brought it marriage.We have so many plans together but I know that marriage is not going to be one of them.But I also know I will be with him till one of us dies.It took me a while to realize that he has done so much for me,us,and my son and he doesn’t ask for anything in return.He’s given so much up and changing to be a better person.For me.So we are all ok.At some point it just hit me.This person is willing to be with me through thick and thin and if he is afraid of marriage then the least I could do is not pressure him about it.When you get married you want the person to marry you because they want to right?Not because they feel forced?Look at it like a piece of paper.That I want but everything else about is great to the point I’m giving that up to bring him some peace of mind.Which he deserves.Im terrified of bugs.Like I will have a panic attack near them.He wouldn’t throw me and lock me in a room with roaches or spiders because he knows how big that fear of mine is.Maybe it’s a dumb example but a fear is a fear.A marriage/relationship is about love.If he has a fear that I will rip him off at some point and take half his things (because he works so hard every day and I am so proud of him) then I’m taking marriage off the table.I don’t want the man I love to constantly be worried that he will loose very thing he has worked for all the time.It doesn’t make me feel like he doesn’t trust me.I know he does and I trust him but you never know what will happen in the future and I think that’s the scary part.The financial part is also true.Just letting my boyfriend handle everything (with money) is such a selfish thing for me to ask of him.Again I don’t want the man I love going through a hard time and I will do my best to make sure that happens.Even if I have to give a dream up.I know for a fact he has given up so much for me without a second thought.The least I could do is to try to do the same and give him peace of mind.
If you love your boyfriend and everything really is great…please don’t give up just because he won’t marry you.It’s so hard to find someone who truly loves you.
It sucks but anything for love,right?(As long as it’s not murder 
)
Do you truly want to marry him for him or just because you have a kid together and you get outside pressure on “when are you getting married?”
I’m in the same boat but my perspective of marriage and “i’m not getting any younger” has completely changed. Besides legal things, marriage doesn’t sound all that different than what you all are already.
I also would reflect on why your previous marriage didn’t work & try to make sure the same doesn’t happen. If you two didn’t have a kid together, would you still feel the same way?
Marriage is NOT just a piece of paper. Marriage means sharing your life with another on values, morals, compassion, and love and much more. Of course you can do all that without Marriage and the piece of paper makes it a legal binding but as others have said, there can be prenuptial etc. The boyfriend may have other reasons for not wanting Marriage, we only heard the woman’s side. Know that whether you are married or not it is a relationship that 2 people make it work, both of you not just one. The heart is stronger than the wallet in my Marriage of 23 years next month.
Just maybe you should not agree on marriage work on getting your debts in order and look for a way to put in in writing what you really want people are not meant to be marry if you want marriage you might have to look for it esle where in someone who values you because as people have said milk is free so why commit as a human we all want things that is goals we set for our self and our relationship do you love him if the answer is yes then you both need to find where you see yourselves in 5yrs and in 10yrs up to the rest of your life it might not work out then what are you going to do then children suffer because you never communicated talk this problem out a paper is a paper to secure your future together or separately from each other you only have one life talk about it get it out in the open now before it to late for you as a individual and then your family is broken hope you work it out it. Not only your life you have children in this relationship together it will effect them too down the line
The only issue I have with his argument is that in certain states there is this thing called common law marriage
*against marriage * doesn’t want you to end up with house * doesn’t want you to end up with half his paychecks * buys you things to make you happy * says he is open minded about marriage , but isn’t * you are ultimately heart broken * …
He will still have to pay child support, with or without marriage. Hope he shares money with you, now.
Then it’s time to think more of yourself! Don’t believe in marriage eh …then you don’t believe in intimacy,paying his bills or feeding him
But if your living together in a de facto relationship after 3 months you can still be entitled under laws…my son thought this too until I showed him the law of a de facto relationship and he changed his mind, still not married but that not his excuse anymore.
If his focus is on money now it will only get worse if U get married!!!
This is a sign of trust issues. As well as controll issues.
I would see about drawing up legal papers pertaining to ur child.
So if u do split up u have some kind of protection as far as child support etc.
I should have listened to my gut and not have gotten married.
As he got a lot worse about money and made my life living hell.
We did do legal papers before we got married saying that we each kept what we had before getting married.
If I had it to do over I wouldn’t have married him.
We had been together 5 yrs before we got married.
I don’t care what anyone says things do change after u get married.
And from my experience it’s not for the better.
So if it’s working for u now I wouldn’t change it.
But if he’s so damn worried about all his wealth and doesn’t trust u I would walk away.
Just proves to me what’s really important to him.
And it sure as hell isn’t u.
If he’s doing this stuff about money now trust me it will only get worse if U get married.
If they feel that way just living together getting married to him will be a disaster.
Well with 1 children together and living together already his lost half of his house a marriage certificate means diddley squat tell him that as for marriage well his made his decision but it’s not the same as yours so tell him that as well. Don’t stress about your age because at the end of the day true love will find you and you will have the fairytale when the time is right
I would want to know his concerns.you can get a prenup as that would eliminate either party getting anything.
If thats not it, either you gotta dig deeper or maybe this guy isnt for you. While being committed doesnt require a piece of paper, if its something important to you there should be a discussion or some compromise
Maybe think about cleaning up your debt first. I personally wouldn’t want my boyfriends debt. We’ve been together six years. Marriage isn’t always the answer.
There prenup where neither of you takes the others things away if divorce happens so that is a pretty lame excuse honestly. And your debt won’t combine if your name isn’t on it so if he divorces you an has a $2000 debt you don’t have to care. At least from what I’ve heard so honestly I’d say he just doesn’t want marriage an is finding excuses when all he has to say is he just doesn’t want marriage
If he knew from the beginning that marriage is what you wanted I suggest that you do what’s right for you because if you’re unhappy it affects the kids also. I would suggest that if you really want marriage that you should find a relationship where that is an option because it sounds as if this guy wants an easy out.
My partner and I have been together 3 years and have a child together and are not married. I’m not sure where you are from but in Australia if we broke up tomorrow he could make me sell my house even thought I bought it on my own before we met. The law here is if you have been living together in a defecto relationship for 6 months you are entitled to half
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Marriage is only a peice of paper if yall are in a good relationship that paper isn’t needed
Then be smart and agree to a prenuptial agreement to benefit you and protect him in the event your matriage doesnt work out.
Why not get a prenuptial agreement so that ‘if’ divorce happens he doesn’t give you anything. You’re happy being married and he keeps all his belongings and money. I think that’s fair.
Depending on where you are, you would be considered de facto which is essentially marriage without the certificate. But everything you own together is now shared
Married or not what would happen to you and your child if God forbid he died tomorrow? You and your child could end up homeless and with out financial help from life insurance or bank accounts. Everything would go to his family. Get a lawyer and get the financial end taken care of. Marriage is just a piece of paper.
Marriage is ultimately a piece of paper. If your relationship is healthy otherwise, what does it matter that you have a piece of paper binding contract through the state that you two love each other? As for getting his stuff when he dies, it can be put in a will. If you guys separate, he gets what’s his and you get what’s yours.
To be fair, it seems as though he’s always been honest about not wanting to get married. Now whether that means ever or to you specifically, who’s to know. However, if you knew how he felt about marriage, why did you stay with him for this long knowing very well how he wasn’t going to marry you? You can’t force someone into something because it’s what you want. If it’s something you truly want, then maybe you need to evaluate.
Did he say that he was against marriage when you met him?if so that was the warning, he wasn’t changing
In the end I will say if it’s that important just propose to him and keep on until he gives in
Why is your want or need to get married more important than his want or need not to? Why should he do something he doesn’t want to do just because you want to? He has his reasons not to want to get married… your reasons to get married won’t change the fact your already in a loving committed relationship. If your already in a loving relationship and are happy then what is marriage going to do to change that? Maybe wait until things financially get better, debts are paid and your back at work maybe then he will feel more about wanting to marry you then stress of money and debts…
Lawyer up and get a prenuptial agreement worked out. If you really love him and want it to be till death do you part and AREN’T in it for the money then you should get a lawyer and both of you come up with your terms before signing. Make sure it’s favorable to the both of you and not just one above the other. If that doesn’t work for you, then break up and move on. Marriage is a serious financial decision for a man. Many don’t feel it’s worth potentially losing half their shit and then owing alimony and child support on top of that.
Prenup then. You can outline all of these worries in the event of a divorce. This isn’t just a piece of paper. In the event of a medical emergency, where life and death decisions need to be made, you both will have no say on the other care…. There’s a lot of benefits to marriage that out weight the potential negatives (which, again, a prenup can handle!)
If he has been against it from the very beginning (or some time now), it seems like he is making excuses not to marry you so that probably means he can’t see himself being with you forever. I know it’s probably hard to hear/read but if it hasn’t changed in the past few years, it probably won’t. It doesn’t matter how much you love him or how well he treats you, you said he knew you wanted to eventually get married since you both started and if you still want to get married eventually and he is so set against it then that should be a deal breaker. The right person for you would find the one reason to keep you and not give a million+ reasons why it’s not right to get married.
If he’s really concerned about you having his stuff I mean there is a prenup but it sounds like an excuse, he doesn’t seem open minded. If you truly want to get married maybe it’s time to end things, so you could talk to him and tell him if he doesn’t wanna get married and since you do that maybe things should end.
If you’ve got a great relationship why ruin it by fretting about a piece of paper? Great relationships can be really hard to find so if I were you I would treasure it and don’t let this destroy what you’ve got.
Leave him if you don’t feel stable enough in the relo to not marry him or settle the way things are.
Honestly, if things are good… why add the legal paperwork? Keep living the good life! I have 2 ex husbands… so maybe I’m jaded. But my bf and I are happy without the government being a part of our relationship.
He obviously is scared since you have already had one failed relationship that resulted in 2 children.
Why ask for advice if you’re stating you don’t want to leave? I’m very blunt when it comes to relationships and I don’t take things lightly, but here’s my opinion… you both started a relationship and talked about needs, wants and etc. So he made it clear that he didn’t want a marriage and you do, so my question is Why continue something when y’all aren’t on the same page? Move onward and upward!!
This is a big deal this is like not agreeing if you want kids or not if he doesn’t want to get married and you want to get married you need to walk away. However there are some minor solutions rather than legally getting married you could do a hand fasting ceremony or some other way to promise each other to one another. However I think it’s just b******* excuses if you want to get married get married if you don’t don’t. I don’t think your relationship is very healthy if you’re disagreeing on this level.
Marriage, is not needed. If you live each other than just love each other. You don’t need the government in on that. Its just a way to quantify love.
Most people marry for love and commitment, in front of others to share in that joy. Others for their religious affiliations. Some for the benefits that aren’t allowed for couples who aren’t married. Find the reasons pro and con and discuss them.
Get rid of him. His excuses are all unreasonable and he does not want a marriage
Well he’s wrong, living together for 3 years, or having a kid together legally binds you the same way as being married.
Sign a prenuptial agreement.
Depending on your location, marriage doesn’t dictate what you’re entitled to of theirs, it’s based off many other factors. Generally two years living together will entitle you to half in some countries. Same for debts etc
You two Can coparent without being together. You can also have a healthy and solid relationship without marriage. He sounds like he is taking care of you and his responsibilities but if marriage is this important to you, and he is more focused on the ending of the marriage instead of the beginning what about couples counseling to see where that fear from him is coming from. At the very least it will help you understand where his feelings come from and will help you move on if that’s what’s needed
Do you REALLY need a government contract to prove your love & commitment to each other? Marriage changes a lot of people…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
He’s preparing for divorce before you’re married. It’s good that you’re happy with him and marriage isn’t something everyone wants. The concern is financial though. You share a child and if you do split up, he’s responsible for child support. If the house you live in is only in his name, be careful about putting any money into HIS house. If you split up, it’s still HIS house. There’s also a question of medical insurance for you and your son. There’s a lot to consider. If you’re really concerned about your future financial situation, spend a few dollars to get advice from a Family Practice attorney.
No me,nation of faith, how to raise children, do you want your daughter not having a marriage, will he then pay for a wedding. It sounds like he gets control over you. Moist men. Can fulfill the desires of the woman he loves and would surround her with security. Love and openmindedness. Is short-lived . if your not,working you are also giving your life to this man to use you up. What if some thing happens to him or,you. The children have no security. He could just take off and have no responsibility. Time moving on. Lots of work with kids. If something happens to you. He could,abandon the children. If something happens to you, he could take the daughter, you have no security. No job and I protection.
I’ve been with the same guy for 11 years. We have 4 children together. To us were married. We don’t need a peace of paper telling us that we are. We don’t really want to get married bc we both make more at the end of the year doing our taxs separately. And it’s just better for us. If y’all truly love each other why do you need a peace of paper stating that ?
R.U.N as fast as u can away. It’s not really the fact he doesn’t want to marry it’s the reasons behind it. Also just because you aren’t married doesn’t mean you couldn’t claim for part of the house. If u are putting money into the property so you don’t actually don’t have to be married to do any of that. Wonder if he knew that what he sound say🤔
I had a partner similiar and after 7 years he wanted a pre nup even though he still didnt want marriage. Lets say i didnt sign and that was over. I look back and realise he was very controlling in a lot of ways.
You can sign a prenup. Look online and find what you both will agree to if you divorce. Maybe that will make him feel better. You can do up your own agreement and have it notarized. If that’s all that’s holding him back then give him what he needs. So you can both be happy.
You’re a SAHM so he’s already taking care of you so I don’t get what he’s worried about. If you have debt how is that getting paid for?? I’d get a job and pay down your win debt and show him you can he independent and don’t need him. You are making it way too easy on him. He works and does whatever he wants while you stay at home and take care of the kids. But then again there are a lot of women out there that would love to be SAHM and they just can’t. So I would watch what you wish for. Being married is really just a piece of paper. You guys can do healthcare POA and a will to make sure you aren’t left with nothing in the end and would never need to be married.
But if something were to happen to either of you, neither of you would be able to be with each other in a medical emergency situation.
There’s hundreds of comments telling you what you should value, marriage or not. The biggest question is what do you value? Do you want marriage? Do you think you have equality in your relationship? No one else will live your life or pick up pieces when you fall. You have to make decisions based on what you think. Make them. Stand by them. Feel confident in them. In the end you win.
How is he spoiling you with necessities
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Just have a prenuptial agreement for goodness sakes! He cannot escape the laws in his state for child support, or the division of communal property, but if he has assets, like a house or an antique car, that he owned prior to the marriage….have a prenuptial that removes that from the divorce. Same for you. FYI…Don’t enter into any loans with him… like buying a house or a family car… you don’t want to get stuck paying for that by yourself for sure…especially since he seems so unsure of your motivations, perhaps he is projecting and you need to be as unsure of him.
I’m confused, seems like you already have a marriage. Is it the legal paperwork that your seeking? Marriage is more than just making it “legal”. 
My bf of 6 years doesn’t want kids or marriage which is fine cause I have one kid (I’m 39) and can’t have anymore. Having a hysterectomy in less than two weeks. We don’t want marriage even though we have a decent relationship. No fights. We figured why complicate things that are going well. I have friends that have been with their significant others 10+ years and never married.
Tell him you’ll sign a prenup then he can keep his crap if the marriage dissolves. Since that’s what he seems to be most concerned with.
If you want to get married and he doesn’t let him know it’s time to part ways. Why does he need to get married if he is already living it. He told you his answer. Prenup’s can be signed to prevent the house and debt. So now what’s his excuse. Please move on and be happy.
Personally, I feel that if you are IN LOVE, who gets what in a divorce should not be what’s on your mind.
When considering marriage.
Common law prenup. Followed by prenup
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Ask him if he would like to pay child support my boyfriend have an agreement but we are almost 70 to complicated to get married
A piece of paper doesn’t make you any more married. It’s a formality and if you truly can trust and believe in your relationship, it should not matter. You can ask him if he’d get married just with someone officiating and the two of you. A witness is all you need. Many options. If being in a committed relationship is his problem, no piece of paper will help. Good Luck!
If he wanted loved and wanted to make you happy how about putting a prenup together that you can agree on…if he still says no…he is lying to you …and has no respect for you…I have a friend who was with her man for 6 years and would not marry her…he cheated and married the other woman in less than 6 months…one wonders how long that was going on…just saying
Sign a prenup. He gets peace of mind and you get your marriage. Commit to allaying his fears and he can commit to the relationship.
Isn’t that what prenuptial agreements are for? If you’re a stay at home mom and something happens to him and he dies, you aren’t entitled to any survivors benefits, your child with him is, however.
Why do you need to be legally married? You have a child together, he’s supporting you financially, and he treats you well. Let it go and just enjoy what you have.
I’m very against marriage because every marriage around me hasn’t lasted 5 years and why spend all that money for a piece of paper to bind you…. If he’s against it then he will have his reasons. If you are meant to be then don’t add pressure. If the marriage was meant to be then it will be but don’t push him
Marriage is for procreation, do you want more kids?
Get an agreement drawn up, your assets are yours and his are his.
Of course in the marriage that your create you share the benefits and debts.
Sometimes marriage ruins relationships. Your together and 4 yrs really isn’t anything compared to a commitment he’s not ready for. Prenup?
Get a attorney, presumptuous agreement what was his prior to you coming into the relationship is his, from that day forward what you two earn together is cut in half should you devorce , problem solved.
Being married is paper sign it is the living it may change if u marry u have same rights
GET A JOB AND GET SECURE YOURSELF you have kids to previous partners and never had a job you are a liability I WOULD not want to support someone for the rest of my life either. Especially as he works hard to support you and your other kids to someone else and now his kid. If YOU DONT get a job you will only end up a single mum on centerlink. MARRIAGE IS FOR RELIGIOUS BINDS why CANT YOU BE HAPPY WITH HOW IT IS
Lol well personally I think marriage was originally made to control women in a realationship. It’s unnecessary if you love someone be with them because you want to, not because you legally have to. But that’s just my opinion why I’ll never be married 
He’s planning the demise of your relationship. You need to think about you and what you want for you. How important is marriage to you?
yall marriage is more than “just a piece of paper” to alot of people…shes allowed to want to get married just like hes allowed to not want to but he should have said from the beginning he did not intend on marrying her
Is he taking care of you and your children, of which two are not his? Or are you working and splitting bills? If you were married this would still be happening unless your a stay at home mom. The courts will still make him pay child support, married or not. Are you happy other than not having a piece of paper no one will ever see?
This is sad!
Marriage becames sooo sooo cheap
Meaning there is no value in a marriage anymore for a man there is only loose looose and loose situations and it isnt fair
So if u wanna be married there has to be few tweaks in that marriage contract
You need to face the fact that you really do not have a healthy relationship. He doesn’t want to marry because he’s afraid you’ll get half of everything? Honey, you are half of this relationship and just because you don’t work outside the home it doesn’t mean your contributions are worthless assuming you do more than just sit on your butt all day and don’t take care of the house or kids. Also, spoiled you with necessities? That’s not spoiling you. It’s getting the basics that everyone deserves. If you can’t agree on marriage after so many years it’s time for you to leave. Snd BTW, he will be on the hook for child support and maybe for you as well.
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Say what u will but dudes on point. What benefit does this bring him? Hell what’s it bring you besides some weird sense self satisfaction. You have a great relationship that people would kill… literally kill for. And ur fucking it up because why?
I’m dealing with the same situation except he didn’t say he don’t want to I think mines just not ready yet due to his ex fucking up his head
You can’t force marriage and you shouldn’t be forced…
I have been in a relationship were I believed we were committed to each other had dated almost 5 years-3 of which we were engaged. We split the bills ,but his money was his & mine was mine…it was fine until I realised he didn’t really want me …but I was off the market &when winter fell he still had a place to stay…& someone to party with, help cover the bills with but not make life long plans with. There came a time when I realized I no longer cared if he left. He’s not completely “with” you…even though you have a child together…
Ah the old will he marry me thing. After 10 years I still don’t know. Just assess if you are happy, and if you are then what about it is hurting you? The financial aspect? You had a child with him knowing that would bind you guys together forever in some way. If marriage is something you truly want then just tell him and if you can’t get that you need to figure out if you are happy enough to let that go.
Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, what’s the need? It’s not going to keep him from cheating, it’s not going to make him love you more, if your relationship is a good one, happy, healthy and works, why fix what isn’t broken?
Find a middle ground or stop bringing it up. My idea have a ceremony, exchange rings, vows. Whatever you want but don’t get legally married. Shoot change your name if you guys agree. But whatever it is you need to come to a middle ground or this will break apart your relationship.
And what is spoiling you with necessaties? Providing you with the basics things needed to survive isn’t spoiling…
My brother never wanted to get married after what he seen my parents go thru . He’s a married man today. He left his other relationship because he didn’t wanna marry but his wife, he must of had a change of heart .
You are already living a “married” life - do you really need a ring and a piece of paper to feel complete? People need to stop this idea that being married is the ultimate goal in a relationship. All “marriage” is is a committed relationship with a ring on it. Literally no difference between a committed relationship and a marriage except for a ring and piece of paper. Seems super materialistic to me if you need a ring to be happy. I’ve been with my partner for 4.5 years and I told him at the beginning of our relationship that I don’t want to get married, because I don’t need a ring and a piece of paper to love him and be with him for the rest of my life. I just need him to love me and be committed to me. A ring and piece of paper will never change how I feel about him or our relationship. And if we ever decide to call it quits, we can just pack up and leave if we wish without getting the courts involved (someone mentioned something similar and I 100% agree). BUT if it’s something you REALLY need to feel secure in your relationship, maybe you should find someone who feels the same way cause clearly this guy doesn’t feel the same way that you do about marriage. Good for him! He probably sees what I see - a ring and piece of paper doesn’t actually change anything and isn’t worth the time and money.
He loves you, he just doesn’t love you enough.
You’re not Mrs. Right, you’re Ms. Right Now.
When someone doesn’t want to get married or puts it off it means that that you’re in place until something better comes along.
Cold hard truth.
Keep your eyes open and to thine own self be true.
Enjoy the bumpy ride of resentment. Enjoy the crumbs instead of the whole cookie. Lol
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Leave and see if he changes his mind. You are doing everything without being married. Your absence will either help him realize he wants to marry you or he will move on without you.
Just have a ceremony but don’t involve the government. Are there really any advantages of being legally married?
Not enough details were given in your post about the situation with your first 2 children and your ex.
Also, what is the relationship with your current partner and your kids like? Is he providing for them?
Additionally, do you both come from the same culture? Some cultures expect the husband to take care of the extended family as well.
Also, western values advice might not apply to u.
Good luck to you. I understand that you are in a tough situation because you have 3 kids you need to think of first.
Sounds like he doesn’t trust you. But, I don’t believe in marriage either. Then again I can’t get married or I would lose my benefits. I’m disabled it’s called the marriage tax. If I were to marry my bf he makes too much money. I couldn’t even live with him. At least you have the choice if you want to.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way!
No matter what anyone else thinks, your opinion is valid. What you want is valid. You shouldn’t HAVE to change what you want for anyone else. But you can change if you want to!
That being said, I am wondering why you want to get married? Is it just something you think should happen, or do you really want that commitment? Evaluating your reasoning behind wanting marriage is very important. If it’s something you are okay without as long as you feel that commitment then speak to your partner about ways he can show you this commitment other than marriage.
If it’s really that important to you then I would emphasize the importance with your partner.
Remember, not only are your desires for marriage valid, but so is his desire to NOT get married. Neither of you are wrong.
Make sure when you speak with him he knows that you are not invalidating what he wants, just saying what you want. Hopefully you can come to a compromise!
I do agree with some of the others that him saying he doesn’t want you having the house or half is paycheck is normally a red flag.
You need to have a prenup and he needs a will and health care suragget papers drawn up. Speaking from experience. If something happens to him his family can make decisions for him and put you in the steet if they want to depending on laws where you are. Call a lawyer most give 1 consultation for free
Men know what they want if he wanted to marry you he would’ve proposed a long time ago.
Hopefully you have bills to your name because if you’re a stay at home mom and everything is in his name you’ve screwed yourself if you plan on leaving.
Not very confident if he’s thinking you’ll end up divorced. Nobody getti g married plans on getting divorced it sucks it really does.
It’s a bond for life and all but really what you’re after is that piece of paper making it legally so. If you’re meant to be together and he’s worth getting married to, waiting shouldn’t make a difference
Ask yourself why you need a marriage contract to feel “secure”; would you be willing sign a prenup so he feel more secure?
Does he not realize that you guys are common law And have a child together that even if you do go separate ways he’s still going to have to pay you support And child support?