If your happy stay the way you are. A piece of paper make no difference. Have a covenant marriage you your guy and God.
Kid together u already pretty much own half his stuff.
Plz tell me ur not on a pocket money diet n that u have freedom to share money.
That there is balance here among the both if u.
Does he let u have access to his account for necessities
I’ve shared everything with my partner of 13 years from day 1
From me putting fuel in his car as kids to him paying for everything at times and then me doing the same and working together also.
It’s never been an issue. I don’t see how somthing so trivial could be such a deal breaker seems like an uneducated opinion or a very made up one.
One thing I learned in both personal experience AND observation of many good examples, is that the concept of marriage is specifically for one of two reasons, if not both…
- To publicly and ceremoniously tell everyone you’re married (along with gifts).
- Law benefits, if the couple simply go to the Court House for the Certificate.
(From your Man’s perspective) Either way, a piece of paper defining your Love for each other is, ultimately, just that. A piece of paper. He may not see it as what’s really valuable as he most likely thinks the love and trust between you two is what really matters, why the need to put it on paper?
Now, from the outside looking in, he clearly trusts and loves you anyway through all the selfless deeds he’s done to show how he feels, on top of trying to be a good step father, and any other familial responsibilities. It’s really not meant to break your heart, but he might not know how to put his feelings and thoughts into words that won’t hurt you, intentionally or not, on the matter. If he has done everything right after four years and yet you’re both still comfortable (excluding the desire of getting married) and love each other, you could always just go for option 1 as a purely cermonious marriage, no lawyers or court house. It could be a comfortable compromise for you both and it will save you a lot on wedding planning.
Imagine being so insecure that you need marriage to make you feel like your partner won’t leave you. He can still leave you. Marriage doesn’t mean anything, it’s a piece of paper and joint taxes. If you love each other that should be enough. Have a fake ceremony if the act of having a wedding is what your really sad about.
If he loves you at all, he loves himself and his possessions more. He already is looking at things not working out with you and losing some of “his” stuff. You deserve better than this. He is openly more concerned about losing his possessions than you or your daughter. You are kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
I can understand wanting to be married but being married isn’t going to guarantee that you’ll be happy, if your happy together now then let that be enough and maybe someday he will change his mind …but you can be happy together without marriage just enjoy being with your person and don’t pressure him if he changes his mind I’m sure it’ll come up
Marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesn’t change a relationship if you have a good relationship and respect each other and you are happy then stay but if you aren’t happy because you don’t get the marriage then go.
Marriage is a piece of paper that you have to PAY the government for a license to have.
If you’re both happy and living a good life as you are why leave just because of a formality? I’d like to get married to my partner but due to funds I can’t it’s not the end of the world as long as the relationship is healthy and happy.
You don’t need marriage to define your love for him or his love for you
It’s just a piece of paper at the end of the day
And if you do decide marriage then you can still have separate things such as finances
It’s something that needs to be equal not just mine or yours kind of thing when with someone you share things good or bad because you love them
The real question is… Have you two been vaccinated yet?
Anyways why don’t you just propose to him. As a woman you have the same right to do so. So like the Nike slogan says “just do it”
Dont push him I’d not get married again y dont you change ur name on depol via a solicitor then have a massive party 
Been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he’s against marriage for same reasons
Bring up pre-nup.
Did you know in beginning about him against marriage?
Did he know your thoughts on it in the beginning?
Sometimes peoples views different after years. Good luck
Since you are a SAHM and share children, I wonder about whether you could at least set up financial protection for yourself in case something happens. Are you planning to rely on his retirement, for instance? You won’t be eligible for anything if he passed unless you are his wife or he lists you as a beneficiary.
I don’t understand the obsession of marriage. If your relationship is going good and you are committed to each other, why do you need a piece of paper that says your married. You can legally change your name to his without being married. You could also suggest a prenuptial agreement that is very specific. Like you won’t take the house or go after alimony of things don’t work out. Otherwise leave if those don’t work for you.
Leave!!! He’s never gonna give you what you want. If he never wants you to get his house, where HIS kids live, or half his paycheck to support HIS kids, somethings wrong!!! He seems very self centered!!! Get out while you can…… you DONT have an extremely healthy relationship!!!
You don’t work but have debt? Yours, not his, so pay your debt off yourself and maybe he’ll look at things differently.
Well, ask if he’d be open to marriage if you had a pre nuptial agreement?
Who’s is to say he won’t just get up and leave when he wants , I would be making sure I would have a side hustle making money just in case he decides to leave , that way your not left with nothing and stranded without an income , take online classes get your education, in the long run that will come in handy if he bolts
Quit having babies without the benefit of marriage. You want a live in bf, fine, but don’t have his child without marriage. But, the deed has been done. Now you must live with it. Your choices are to leave or stay. If you want marriage that bad then leave him.
Marriage is in the heart not a piece of paper
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Propose to him if may open his mind and heart up if he doesn’t feel like that initially pressure is on him. Also I know you are sahm which is a full time job and you want to feel special but he may feel the same way as well. Not saying neither of you make each other special but it’s just may be a perspective change.
Can anyone give me 5 genuine advantages to get married ? It’s a raw deal for everyone when it goes wrong.
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In an event of an emergency. Say your partner is on life support, they would make decisions based on what his mother feels. You have no right as your not legally his partner. Your at the bottom of the pecking order . You will not be able to make any decisions for him
You have a child together, point blank. If he doesn’t want to marry you now he never will and more than likely you aren’t the only one floating around his “open mind”
My niece went through the same thing. They were together since high school. She told him she would leave if he didn’t marry her so he proposed and then changed his mind on marriage again. She ended up leaving him and is in a new happy relationship. I would leave. The old saying still applys. Why buy the cow when the milk is free? Don’t let him do this to you. I would start looking for a way out and a new partner if he can’t commit to you.
You put the cart before the horse. Sorry, he will never marry you now.
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He has trust issues that you aren’t going to fix. You can’t have a marriage without it.
A marriage isn’t for everyone and it’s not all that its cracked up to be And you shouldn’t need a piece of paper to be with him
Does your state recognize common law marriage? You do have a child together. You could end up with half of everything anyway!
Maybe he’s just scared of change. Not changing the relationship status, but feeling like everything should change just by having a ring on your finger. Some people change when getting married and thats what terrifies a lot of people. I wouldn’t get rid of someone who treats you right because you want to get married. I mean what he’s telling you is that if you guys would end up not working, he doesn’t want to have nothing. He probably doesn’t want to ruin what good is happening in both of your lives. I mean if I were you, I wouldn’t get rid of him or leave. I would ask him what he feels and make an effort to talk to him about it and maybe it will make him more comfortable. Tell him nothing is going to change if you get married. Its not the end of the world.
I think having a kid with someone is a bigger commitment than marriage 
I think this post may have triggered some souls lol
Y’all go for stuff I would never
No way I’m gonna be a heartbroken stay at home mom with a man who isn’t interested in marrying me.
Let’s coparent boo
End up in the hospital and you’ll find out how much rights each other has…
It’s important to understand the ‘why’. Usually the ‘why’ is about other experiences, his parents history, his history. But let’s also be sure to look at your ‘why’.
My hubster and I were both married 2 times before each other. I had NO intent to get married. Didn’t see a point, divorce is waaaaay harder than just leaving or even taking a break. Marriage is more stress, as he’s pointing out with finances.
I knew I’d be with my hubster forever when I met him (I was 45 and never experienced that before). I told him that. He said he didn’t want to marry either. He changed his mind and wanted to be engaged then after that upped it to marriage. He didn’t want his kids to see us not ‘serious’. To me, given the state money for a license didn’t make me commit anymore.
We both looked at this great book to help us see each other’s intent and point of view and also to be able to be more clear on our own reasoning
Intellectual Foreplay it’s cheap on amazon
Stay single, pay off your own debt and bank all your money. Then go on a nice vacation without his ass and make him wish he made different choices. If he is more worried about his money and each others debts, he doesn’t give a shit about any part of you except the hole between your legs.
If you’re living together you’re classed as defacto so you would still be entitled to things as if you were married so his points are kinda invalid
I don’t understand why you had a child with him if you all can’t even agree to get married or not. Please tell me you didn’t think a baby would change his mind.
Be careful of common law marriage. The state can still consiyou marriage if you both live together and have bills in the same name for X many years in some states not all have this law.
What state do you live in IE and example is in Colorado after 6 months to you’re legally married by common law.
All I can say is marriage is a certificate and u have all rights the same as a marriage anyway
Not everyone needs to be married. Me and my husband never planned on getting married BUT after 18 years together we took the plunge And that because he wanted me to have the same last name as out son we have together.
You should read a book its called he’s just not that into you I learnt a lot about how the male brain works and relationships and bottom line is if he doesn’t want to marry you he’s not that into you because if he truly loves you he wouldn’t even hesitate to marry you, it’s harsh and I know it’s hard to hear but it’s the truth it’s not about respecting what the other person wants he knew you wanted to get married and is now saying no that’s a low blow and he hasn’t considered your feelings whatsoever he’s being selfish, marriage isn’t for everyone and if both parties agree not to get married then it’s not an issue but if one does and the other doesn’t it is a big issue and I would leave if he doesn’t feel the same way.
He doesn’t want you to end up with half his house or money??? I’m pretty sure you are entitled to that anyway right now… you live together and I’m assuming for a quite some time so that doesn’t really made sense to me? That’s a de facto relationship isn’t it? Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s what I’ve always been told haha?
Apparently people don’t read these all the way through. She said she’s a sahm so he takes care of everything. She said he told her when they first got together that he was open to the idea of marriage but now after 4 yrs and a child, he doesn’t want to combine their debts and he doesn’t want her having half his house and paycheck. So not only did he lie to her he’s also holding her financially hostage and doesn’t want her making half the financial decisions. Personally I understand you love him but you two are not equal and you need to find someone that will treat you as their equal. And at least in the U.S. common law marriage is not valid. But she will at least be able to get child support and he will have to pay for the child’s insurance.
Maxine Alice Hill least we’re not the only ones not married
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Have a faux wedding, with all the trimmings, pomp, and circumstance but dont do the legal part
Have a non-ordained friend officiate, dont get marriage licenses, dont file taxes jointly…
No reason to get Government involved in your relationship
You get your wedding, a ring, photos, memories, and all that
He has peace of mind about his finances should the relationship not work out
There is no reason to push the legal aspect
I think if you truly love him just keep things the way they are and maybe have a wedding but don’t officially legally get married that could be a settlement between you that way you can have your wedding and marriage on an emotionallevel and he can keep his finances the way he wants them. Also if your partners for long enough your taxes gonna be as if your married anyway lol.
I cannot blame him , I lived with my x 17 year’s and wouldn’t marry him . Thing’s change when you get married. That dosen’t mean he doesn’t love you . I would never marry again. I wish you luck
Get out now and find a man who wants to fully commit to you in marriage.
Can (2) walk together except they agree? You two want different things in life. . if marriage is non negotiable for you… that’s it!
Get a ring do a ceremony don’t sign no papers. No need to get the government involved in your relationship
Leave it alone. His reasoning is sound. If he marries you, with you wanting the piece of paper stating you are married, it will always be….see, I told you we shouldn’t marry. I have been married and divorced 2 times. I have been with my current beau for 14 years. Actions speak louder than a label ever will. Good luck.
could do a ceremonial marriage without the legalities involved with it. i never want a legal marriage but i’m not opposed to the ceremonial aspects of it. could be a happy medium?
You can always do a prenuptial agreement, but half his pay check ?? Really your a sahm mom so his paycheck goes to the house or w.e is needed anyways right?! The only other way you’d get half his money is if yall divorced. Smh , marriage is more then a piece of paper or half his money and assets. If he gets in a car accident or dies , does he wants his mother to be the only to make his medical decision or end up with all his money and his house and leave you and his kids homeless with no money. Like I’m confused, now granted marriage doesnt sometimes change the relationship so keep that in mind. Marriage is hard and thing change sometimes
Should’ve stayed in your previous marriage then
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Jokes on him because living defacto you are entitled to half his house and having a child you can get his super too.
What a stupid reason not to get married
I don’t ever want to get married, but I’d make sure that I was upfront about that from the very beginning. I wouldn’t want to be in this very position. If you’re happy in every other aspect, is it a make or break type situation? If it’s about your surname, can you just change it to his, without being married? If you push the issue he may just do it, and resent you for it. He probably should have made his opinion more vocal before becoming serious with you.
Maybe you should ask him what you should do, given the fact he knows your feelings on this matter?
You’re technically already married. Common law marriage. Honestly, marriage is so much work and it definitely can take a toll on a good relationship. I’ve been married twice and I felt like I wasted two lifetimes just for it to end so terribly. I’ve tried to make my marriages work but my exes were not cooperative so I filed for divorce and they both got ugly. It drug out for so long that I can’t even imagine doing it again. Obviously, if your not happy and do want to get married then your best option is to leave. It’s as easy as that. You dont have to worry about getting a divorce. It seems like his mind is set and it’s not changing. In my opinion, if things are great and you are truly happy then let it be but if you aren’t happy and want a marriage then do what makes YOU happy.
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It is called drafting and signing a Prenuptial agreement.
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Marriage doesn’t mean anything, just a piece of paper, if your commited to each other that’s all that matters
My ex and I were together for 5 years. He was never interested in marriage. He took on the father role to my son (he had been in my sons life from the age 1 1/2-almost 8 ) we were friends before dating. Our relationship was great. But I always wanted marriage as end game, he didnt. But I was willing to sacrifice that to be with him. He was wonderful to my son and myself. Then the last year of our relationship just went stale. He ended up leaving me and instantly dating another girl…a year later he was engaged to her…after years of telling me he never wanted to get married….I’m not saying it happens the same to everyone…just be careful 
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to get married. There is something wrong with pressuring someone that doesn’t want to get married to get married. Go find and marry someone else
If he sees it as “his house, his pay check” etc still after having a child together then it’s never going to be equal. That’s more a problem then being married is. If someone doesn’t want to get married because they don’t believe in it, I can understand that. But if they want to try to prevent you from sharing in things that I’m sorry once you’re a family, it should be shared regardless… then nope. His house- is your home, the home he should happily share with his family. His pay check while you stay at home caring for his child, should be shared because you’re family. He’s thinking of himself. Getting spoiled with necessities isn’t being spoiled I’m sorry. You need to be selfish like he is and decide what’s important to you. You deserve an equal 
For all of you 21st century folks. I have read a few of the comments and so far no one has mentioned or factored into the conversation, God. From a Christian standpoint, marriage is right and if the man loves you as he says, then he will marry you. Shacking up , don’t care how you try and fix it up or what other name you call it. Shacking up is not the way to go. Don’t settle just because you are a SAHM. That’s what he is counting on. Sounds like you are giving up on what’s right for convenience.
gotta have his side by him even then it’s a pick side’s assuming both are truthful. figure it out for yourself you deal with the outcome regardless of others advice
It sounds like you had the “TALK” early on and now he’s clearly telling you that Marriage is off the TABLE xoxo STOP for a moment and have an honest conversation with yourself coz’ it sounds to me YOU want to be married that’s why you are here asking for advice xoxo You know what you want from the word GO and if you’re honest with yourself you also know you both are not in the same page xoxo SAY GOODBYE WASTE NO MORE TIME xoxo
Personally, I think 4 years is pretty quick for marriage and children with somebody. .x. If you’re cohabitating and having sex, and you have a kid together and he’s supporting you in every other way, you’re already functionally “married” - but if you decided to bow out of the relationship at this point, he wouldn’t be in as much of a bind. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason why he feels this way is just because he has his life more together or has been burned before.
I have been married before…and will not do it again…I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and we both are just fine without the marriage part…
When it comes to the bottom line, it’s only paper.! If every thing is good, nothing else matters really.
Also after living together for over a period of time your classed as a defat o relationship in the eyes of centre link.
If he don’t want to make you a wife then don’t make u a momma either simple 2 late for half his house or pay check u have a child together so he should be thinking about if anything happened to him what’s going to happen to his child with a roof over the child’s head 
We made a deal within one year we’d be married or he had to leave.I think that was my best decision.We been married over 40 years.
He’s a narcissist that enjoys hurting you with that statement. If you are in a common law state you may already have 1/2 of his house, paycheck and retirement. As a SAHM get yourself into some online classes or to the community college where there are usually babysitting services. Get an education and be prepared to get the heck out of Dodge!
What advice is needed? He told you he doesn’t want to married period. You can’t force him to change his mind so you got two choices, to accept it or to bounce to find someone who does actually want to be married
Your boyfriend is already looking at what to do when you break up even before you commit. It’s like he sees it as a foregone conclusion. I dated a woman eons ago who had the same thought pattern. It happened. We broke up after 3 years. She has since been married three times (four in all). I have been married to my wife since 1994. How one thinks about situations usually directs their course. If he’s planning for the relationship to fail, it will.
Jokes on him haha you’ve been together for 4 years. Marriage or not if you guys split your still entitled to half the asset pool
If he has assets he need an attorney to set up a Trust that will state who gets what. It’s better then just a will. Life insurance is very important… It’s to late when he passes.
It sounds like he is ok with the spiritual aspect but not the combining assets aspect of marriage. You can work those details out in a prenup. If you can’t agree on these things before getting married don’t get married. It doesn’t get easier. Depending on the state you live in you may already be considered to be common law wed so if you broke up the courts would treat you as if you are married. Money matters are emotional matters. Consider seeing a financial manager or a therapist together to work this out. It probably stems from behaviors he witnessed from his parents growing up. Good luck.
If y stay together just make sure that y don’t end up paying for all the consumables like food and electricity whilst he spends his money on paying for his house and his car and all the possessions that’s on his name. Just don’t be stupid about how y spend y money. Y need to be able to build up y own possessions and home too. Equal the consumables equally.
If you’re worried have him buy a life insurance policy. If you’re young and he doesn’t smoke you can get a million dollars very very cheap. That would ensure if anything happened to him you’d still be okay.
Explain to him that you too only get 1 life & that you see yourself getting married, being someone’s wife… That you understand his fears but to live this life with the huge regret of not getting married would be heartbreaking to you… & possibly even grow to resentment… He can get over the “debts” thing & if he is so keen on keeping money & a home from you & his child should you split up, then he can do a prenup… I personally am not sure about marriage never have been but I have an idea of doing a little union & an awesome reception… 
Dont push it! If your happy be happy no need to ruin your now happiness because you want your wishes to be done.
I wanted to be married so bad i got engaged to the wrong person years ago…now im with the man that i love and we are engaged. I didnt push it with my new man but looking back i did with the last one and i regret it.
If it will be, it will be, i get that it is something a lot of women wish for but you could end up breaking up the best thing that happened to you.
?honestly what’s the problem. Should a little piece of paper define your relationship. Or is it more of a value that has been installed in you. That marriage is the step to show your both committed to each other. Whatever the decision. It’s yours to decide. I’m happy it’s a great relationship I can handle not getting married. Or I want a marriage more than I want this relationship that has no chance of marriage. Sounds like you have a good man who loves you but cannot commit to that last step. Decide what’s more important. Just food for that. Maybe he just not quite there yet. To fully commit. What he is giving you are excuses. Maybe there’s an underlying problem that why he can’t fully commit. And maybe he doesn’t think a paper is that important. Need to talk to each other. Does he even listen to your point of view. Why is it so important you get married. Tell him . The go from there
- Check to see if he’s already married to another person
- Do a credit check
- sounds like he only wants what’s good for him
- if you have to get married ,just do prenups.
- he doesn’t need to marry you, your already playing house.
Look I don’t have any advice but I have to say F that, I never married my ex, he worked I stayed home and looked after kids, I left due to family and dv and he took EVERYTHING, same could happen here, make some moves for security, get a job and have your own investments and savings if he don’t wanna get married, however I’d be out I wouldn’t stay with a man who doesn’t wanna get married
Just make sure your name is on all his important paper’s. Because if you are not married and something happens to him you have no say so.Love is about business.
Get a prenup outlining who retains what possessions. Takes away his concerns. Yes there’s a lawyer’s fee but it might solve the problem
He has his cake and he eats it, open your eyes love, marriage isn’t everything but it means a deep commitment if he won’t do this for his children he is selfish
I don’t know if it’s different in America to Australia but soon as you have kids here and been together longer than 6 mths your entitled to half of everything anyway so paper or no paper doesn’t matter but if my bf said that to me I’d be kicking him to kerb that’s not cool he don’t much care for you seen he said that
Say BYE he only thinking of himself ! He doesn’t love you !!
I’m marrying my man without the government bc we feel it fits us best.
Lol! I got some new for him …if you live in a state where after 7 year it recognize you was common law wife, you get half anyways… just keep records to prove it!
My husband and I were together 17 years before we got married. We have no children together. We married expressly so that what’s mine is his and vice versa. Doesn’t he want to protect your child if something happens to him? It looks so self centered to me. If he’s gonna do him, you do you.
Your all fucking crazy!
He doesn’t wanna marry you, not the end of the world doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you
My mom and step dad were together 25 years before they got married why rush it if your relationship is fine why complicate things with a legally binded contract you have a house jewelry and a baby from him leave it be
You have a child together and you’re a stay at home mom, his paycheck is already mostly going to bills and you and the kids so I don’t see how that is a good argument. Saying he doesn’t want you getting his house is a big no no, who would even think like that if they see their relationship in the long run. Have a talk with him and actually get down to the nitty gritty on why he doesn’t want to get married, besides the stupid shit he’s already said. If you don’t like the answer well then maybe you need to figure out something else in life.
I was mansplained this by my coworker/friend at the end of the conversation I was in agreement marriage does not have the appeal it used to.
You guys can always sign a prenuptial if he’s that worried about it. That way he can feel safe when it comes to his debts and items he’s collected before you. Otherwise if he still says no, it maybe time to leave. Even tho things are great, if you want to get married and he doesn’t, you’re wasting your time. Sorry.
maybe try to meet him half way? plan a wedding reception and do the whole 9 yards but just don’t be legally married? you can still then wear a ring etc. he doesn’t have to worry about losing everything. I guess at the end of the day I would ask is a piece of paper really that important? if the relationship Is going perfectly why is a piece of paper needed? again is it something having a wedding without the official paper being put in place can be a fair median?