Offer a prenuptial to prevent that stuff and if he still says no, then decide what you want. Either be happy with sounds from your description a healthy relationship or move on if the ring is more important. Truth is you can probably get both but I hope a rock and title isn’t more important.
Cut your losses and leave NOW . Do not waste and more of your life with this guy who will not commit . You are not getting any younger …
Get Free and work on finding someone who truly loves you and wants to get married as you do .
I bet if he had some kind of injury or got very I’ll he and his family would expect you to take care of him. If ur good enough to cook ,clean, and take care of this man ur good enough to marry. There is such a thing as a prenup and he could stipulate his wants. U could just have a spiritual ceremony
I believe in marriage. I want my children’s to be. Called bastards
Maybe see about a commitment ceremony, but not legal marriage??
In some places being married is just a formality. Given you have been together for so long and share a child, if you were to split he might find you re entitled to the same things as if you were married.
Some people are not ready for marriage and maybe wanna wait. Ive been married before and maybe would get married again but it’s not a deal breaker with me and my current man. If we are together til the day we die and never have gotten married that is fine. If they’re committed to the relationship and you, that’s it. You don’t need a ring and a piece of paper stating it. Commitment is commitment, married or not. If you really wanna have the marriage part, then find the man/woman that wants the same thing.
I have been with my significant other for 35 years and he is the one that wants to get married…Why? I do not believe in a piece of paper to say we are a couple…
Girls if you want to be married and he doesn’t, leave. You both want different things out of life. I mean ask yourself are you ok being the live in girlfriend for 3 more years? Are you ok with never being married just so you can keep dating him? If you answered no to these then leave. Marriage isn’t for everyone I get that but if it’s what YOU want then go after it girl. 
If he loves you and had faith in your relationship then none of that other stuff should matter, he’s looking out for himself
If marriage is important to you I think you should look into couples counseling. It sounds like there is a lot of fear for both of you and perhaps talking with an impartial person would help. Good luck 
Drop it, live happy. If you don’t act like it is a big deal he will start wondering if you are staying around. I do not know what state you are in? Be cool. The worst thing to happen is he loses you, pays 20% of his income to you for child support of your child. It is not the end of the world. Get a part time job. Good luck.
How can someone be spoiled with necessities? Isn’t that just taking care of the basics?
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Firstly Do you really need to get married to be happy together 
Because all it is, is a piece of paper and a very expensive party…
Secondly if your that serious about it but his concerns are you running off with everything he has, why not take the initiative and have a prenup drawn up that protect you both equally, keeps your debts separate etc because that might be the gesture he needs to accept that it’s serious….
Ive been with the same hardworking man for over 10 years met him when I was 17, we have a kid together. And he just recently bought a house. We’re not married and when we talk about it. It does upset him. And I just drop it. It’s obviously not a spot for me, if it was. He’d already have me claim his name. So I’m feeling like I’m just a place holder. Is there somth8ng I’m not seeing ?
You say he knew you wanted marriage when you came together, did he also make himself known? If so, you are the one with the problem.
You are providing unpaid services while his paycheck and house are his alone, get a job, start a career and build your own future, if as a couple you separate you have nothing to bridge the gap to be on your own.
Get a job. Or he is right and your can take his shit, and probably will because you’re already divorced with kids and he provides everything. I get it.
I don’t agree with the its “just a piece of paper” thing. You all know you look at someone different when they are introduced as thier wife than their girlfriend. I feel like its a level of respect and putting this relationship in a different category than playing around. In some states unmarried partners have no rights in emergency situations etc. Raising a kid together is more expensive than a wedding or a divorce and you are already doing that. He is clearly afraid of commitment. I mean you already don’t have income and he is supporting you. He just wants to be able to leave you, and take away all that support leaving you with no income without a hitch. Honestly this shit is why alimony was invented. He leaves you have no job experience or significant gaps in your resume making it hard to find a decent paying job and you & your children’s quality of life goes down significantly & you struggle.
Girl if you are a stay at home mom, he works and is making money. You don’t. So if something happens and break up your left with nothing. No place to live and no money in a bank account.
If you don’t want the same things and it’s that important to you to be married then move on and find someone who wants the same things you want. You both deserve someone who shares your desires.
My boyfriend and i have been together 4 years. Yes we have talked about marriage but its not on our top of the rush out and do list . We are verrryyyy happy without papers. And if he isnt giving any red flags and your relationship is good i wouldnt worry about it. Give love to be loved!!
I love my partner and I’m happy chose him everyday but we’ll most likely never get married I have no desire it hurts him I get it but it doesn’t change that I feel I am so lucky to have him in my life ! But I’m a hard no on marriage .
Girl have a wedding without the actual certificate. Boom, you get your big day and the government stays out of it 
Sell the house pay the debt. Rent or buy a equal family home and take it from there…no excuse. And don’t wait to be proposed too. You can propose to him if he says no than you have your answer.
You really don’t need to be married, as long as you are happy… Stick with it & at the end of the day you are still entitled to half of whatever he has if you separate, just saying…
The part about “he doesn’t want me to end up with his house or half his paycheck, etc.” bothers me. What is “etc”?
Quite frankly, you are being foolish, marriage in this day and age is one of the biggest financial mistakes you can make, I understand the symbolism of the commitment and everything, but unfortunately the government only sees dollar signs when people sign that paper.
I have 6 children
My husband and I were together 41 years 9 months
After 17 years we married to protect each other so to say
My friends always had much to say
It was no one’s business that ours
What ever decision you make
Make the decision together
If you only want a ring with the ability to guarantee one half
Look for someone new
If you two are happy the rest will follow.
A upside-down world 
It sounds like you are settling my dear. If it’s going to keep ripping you apart I think it’s time to make a healthy decision for you.
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If you want to be married, you need to move on. Listen to what he is saying. He doesn’t want to get married.
What if you signed a pre nup? Stating you wouldn’t take his house or his money/belongings if you split.
Having said that, if you already have a child together, if you did split, you would still get a fair amount according to the courts . . . .
You can change your name to his -you’re his de facto partner anyway . . .
well if he isnt in it for the married stuff he should think about what if something happens to you life or death situation he wont have any right over you your family will so if he loves you hell sign that paper to make sure hes the one by your side just in case and vis versa tell him to get a prenup
Um just gunna say it cant be that healthy if he says he doesnt want you to end up with half his house or pay check with a child together.
I have been with my partner 36 yrs unmarried.a house 2 kids and a joint bank account.everything is in both our names.he needs to provide for his family no matter what.
Been there, done that left with the most wonderful husband a girl could ever ask for! When i met hubby it was understood that neither of us were looking for marriage, i already had a child so we were in agreement about kids- no more. We lived together for 10 years with my/out son no issues. He decided on his own that he changed his mind and wanted to marry me. Been married almost 20 years now and i can honestly say it just gets better every day. Don’t push it, let nature take its course, if he’s the right one for you and you’re the right one for him it will happen eventually. Make the decision to be happy it’s worth it. A piece of paper or not it doesn’t matter it’s all about the love you have for each other.
Red flag that you share a life and child and he feels like you will take him for a ride. Couples should help make each other strong and secure. Yours / mine is not a healthy relationship. At the end if it doesn’t work out what do you leave with?
Too many people on here are shamming on both ends. No one should have to give in to something they don’t want to do. Because if yall can never come to an agreement that ends with both parties happy yall are just going to start resenting each other and your relationship will become toxic. Yall need to sit down have a deep discussion about it all and then decide what way yall want to go, marriage, no marriage, a compromise, splitting etc etc whatever it may be. Personally to me him saying he dosent want you ending up with half of his stuff, it sounds like he has no trust in you. I would begin asking why? Are you sure the spoiling he dose is out of his heart and not because he feels you are a materialistic girl and will pitch a fit or not be happy if he doesn’tget it? Some guys don’t like that and maybe that’s the reasoning behind his thinking. Regardless this isn’t something yall need to have a conversation about not argue about.
I think you are too fixated on the idea of marriage . Sounds like you are both living a “ married life “ - piece of paper means very little if living together and dealing w daily grind and life w kids don’t work .
Marraige is more to me a legality for certain things - a relationship it does not make - i been w my husband fr 10 yrs - we were married 8 yrs ago and if he never asked i was okay w that too … bc we were committed to each other and making our relationship work.
As for bills - my bills are mine - what my husband and i create together ( like property etc ) is our i will inherit - bills is not a reason. … some people feel getting married harms a relationship - idk but I wouldn’t make this an issue to leave if i were you. As you said , he is good to you
You could be married and he is a monster … grass isn’t always greener
First thing: stop having kids with him…if he says he don’t want all of the things you do, stop wasting your time with him. Find someone who will love you and have things together.
He sounds like a good man and he said he’s good to you and he gives you presents and you have a child together. It’s not that easy to find men that are good like that. And he also works a lot which is much better than not working at all. I think he’s a keeper don’t throw him out don’t get rid of him just cause he won’t get married.
Its just an expensive paper saying ur together…but on the other hand I know thats important to a lot of couples. Sounds like he’s approaching this as if you’ll eventually want a divorce and take half his things?? Maybe talk about why he thinks that and a prenuptial agreement might fix his concerns
Uh…you don’t want to leave but you’re not getting any younger??? YOU MADE A FAMILY WHEN YOU HAD KIDS!! You are locked in that without a name change or a certificate!! It sounds like to me that you just want things your way and to lock him into a state of taking care of you even if it goes wrong which sounds like you are planning to do…usually I’m on the other side of this argument but you gave too many clues in your post to make me have the opinion i have.
If marriage is important to you then you may have to leave him
Prenump…and you dont need to marry him to take half of everything in some states…
Your debts wouldn’t be together ? Unless you get out debts in both your name? So I don’t get that , just seems he wants the best of both worlds
Poor boy, your entilitled to more than half his house. No partnership Dont see a longterm thing happening.
Time to dump him. He should be thrilled to combine your lives but he isn’t. His love for you is LIMITED! It always will be. I don’t give a shit what he buys you (off with to placate you).
If he’s not willing to get married he doesn’t really want a commitment
Suppose it depends on why you want to be married and if you value those reasons more than you love your partner. Sometimes we have to compromise and give up things for those we love. Iv been with my boyfriend almost 10 years and I’d love to get married but iv accepted it isn’t what he wants. You will know yourself what is right for you but if you genuinely love each other then why would you throw that away for the sake of a wedding.
Also spoiling you with only Necessities isn’t really spoiling you. That’s providing the bare minimum. Giving you the Necessities you need to live and calling them gifts is kind of narcissistic, like ‘here is the stuff you need to live now praise me’
Clearly marriage is very important to you and he has a different feeling about being married. It seems that you would not be as happy as you’d like to be if your desire to be married did it come to fruition. You definitely have some thinking to do. One thing that I do NOT suggest is for you to give him an ultimatum.
Why does he not want u to get his house n money when he dies. To me something is not right
Marriage is just a piece of paper. What matters most is the commitment you have with each other.
No need in getting the state involved … if he treats u right … that’s all that matters
He can have you sign a Prenup if he’s worried about that 
that’s the whole point of it being a thing
I’ve been with my partner almost 15 years - not married. We don’t have children, though.
It’s a piece of paper…depending on what state your in…you are more than likely already common law…
Marriage imo is a waist. If you love each other you do not need marriage to be happy together, it’s a title that’s all it is. And if you’ve been together for 4 years living then it’s common law.
Only open minded on what he wants Walk
marriage is not in a ring and a bunch of guests. to him you are already married. you have a child together and a few other things, be happy with that. the marriage is in how you go about each other and your kids everyday. a ring can be lost or forgotten, but your appreciation everyday has nothing to do with a ring or a status quoe. be happy with what you have or your intentions might teach you a lesson!
So he loves his money and possessions more then marrying you … read that back to yourself as many times as necessary to hear it. You can be a single mom and get child support and eventually find someone that values you and respects and loves you more then money and possessions. Also look into common law where you live… depending on country and state/province he may already be your spouse because you share a child and separating is still the same as a divorce and just as expensive 
If he told you this from the beginning you have to respect that and make up your mind if you are ok with it
Get married with a prenuptial agreement in place to protect you both.
My significant other was married before, I have never been married, we have five children between us but none together. We have been together 16 years in December, I was a little salty when he said he’d never get married again, that is however his choice. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me we love each other. We agreed we will only get married if one of us is terminally ill to take the choices off our children’s shoulders. We share ups and downs and kids and grandchildren, our life is interwoven and hopefully always will be.
In Texas is a community state which means if you live there and have a vesting interest in the home, such as pay bills, rent/ mortgage taxes ect you have rights. But as you seem to be in a great relationship and if you both discuss this and decide not to get married make sure you do some research and discuss carefully because not getting married for the sole purpose to not give you a portion of his homestead might bring up issues later-Texas you are common law married and you have his children to think about in the event if something does happen in the future. I would call a real estate lawyer and ask questions just to keep yourself protected.
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Prenup agreement - I’m already telling my boys that’s what they need to do. It can be so easily ripped away from them 
Why do you need to be married. Nothing changes. If your happy as you are don’t try to fix what isn’t broken. I have been with my parter going on 11 years this Nov and we have another child on the way. We’re not married I’m not particularly fussed about spending thousands on a piece of paper at the end of the day.
A marriage is an agreement of trustworthiness between two people who truly love one another and doesn’t mean it needs the approval of anyone else including the church &/or state. It’s only between two consenting partners. “Two people will not walk together unless they have agreed to do so.” --------(Amos 3:3)
Your situation will not change… Think of you and children first always. No way to live you all deserve happy days. It’s fine too be alone with your kids. It’s best that way. This is not a good life. Trust me. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.it’s okay. You have a lot of options. Do the right thing.
Not sure about the law in the USA but in law the partner can still claim a percentage.
Some states have common law marriages so you may still end up with all that if you separate after a long time of being together. Especially since you’re a sahm
Seriously though. Get out. Get a job. When he asks why. Tell him you’re not staying to help him build what’s not yours
So you have a happy relationship, he took on your children as his own and have a child and a home, he treats you right etc but you are thinking of risking it all because you want that ring on your finger??
Was this not discussed prior to getting into the relationship as it should have been especially as you want it so much.
I was the one who didn’t want to get married I thought its just a piece of paper if you love each other thats all the matters I’ve been with my partner for 10 years have 2 children and I have just decided to get married
Don’t stress over a great thing. Let it go for a while
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Youre entitled to half anyway.
I don’t want to get married, I’ve seen the mess it creates when it’s over and would rather not deal with it
If you are happy now, don’t scare him away.
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How about a prenup then I think he’d find another excuse
Girl, get outta there!!
Not because he won’t marry you - because of everything else you’ve mentioned!! 
Healthy relationship he’s good to you four years isn’t a long time BE HAPPY NOW don’t bring up marriage count your blessings and be good to him who knows maybe he will come around!
You’re married. It seems like you want a wedding which can be done without the government.
You don’t need a piece of paper to prove you love someone… If you hold yourselves out to be husband & wife then you’re common law anyway.
Ask Dear Abby. She most likely will say, 'he does not want to make a life long commitment; time to find someone n who is looking to "make a life long commitment with the woman he Truly loves, one who will love you and your children.'
When men say something, you need to pay attention. Don’t put in the time and then say “oh, you meant that”. Nah, life is short. Go find someone who sees you as an investment.
Chin up or the crown slips, ladies.
You have some tough decisions to make
If you’re a SAHM…. How are you making money? It looks like he’s the only financial provider which means you’re already sharing money. Unless you have income coming in.
Get a job and be more independent. Start contributing to the household and he might start thinking about you differently. Everyone needs to pull their weight and not expect to have a free ride. Wake up to yourself and be more of an equal rather than a SAHM. I can understand him being resistant to share with someone who is just taking and not giving. A partnership needs to be equal, not one sided. If you contribute financially he might change his mind and see you as an asset to the relationship.
You are married!! Just have a vows ceremony between the 2 of you and wear a band. You already have everything else involving marriage.
That’s what you want…you said it right…it’s not a big deal…just a paper 
…my wife and I have two children… and we have been together for 14 years…do not loose what you have… for what you want…you have as now what everyone wants…a healthy relationship…
You are already married.
Live together. Have babies together. He has all the markings of marriage and check your state laws you maybe already legally bound.
I don’t get why people have to be married? If you love each other just being together should be good enough. You can’t force him to get married, and if that’s what you want then find someone who wants it to.
If the issue is the house, debt, and assets, yall can get a prenuptial or postnup. Not getting married for these reasons is an excuse.
You want to be married but want to leave if you don’t get married. Don’t sound very committed to me.
4 years isn’t a long time. Sure you have a kid together and two that aren’t his so you are a family. Maybe wait to bring the idea up when you’re back to work and bringing in your own money. (Perhaps you already are). Unfortunately men mainly get screwed if a marriage doesn’t work and if he married right now today your financial situation would legally become his. I get it’s important to you but the more you pressure him the less desire he will have to marry you.
Is marriage really worth it in the end.
It certainly isn’t about what it used to be.
I know couples that have been together for years, get married and divorce with in a year or two.
Some people would be happy to settle with what you have already.
Do a cermony. Sign the wedding certificate, but don’t send it in. In your heart you’ll be married, but legally you’ll still be single or head of household.
Why do you “need to be married”?. Would you be happy with a “blessings” wedding not a legal marriage? My husband and I wish we never got married. I never changed my name and we have all our own bills and accounts. It’s just a paper a legal document.
Can you see yourself living without him
Because it sounds like that’s what that means.
Is it worth the loss.
Wait a while maybe he still has trust issues ,and has been taken before.
Sounds like he really loves you.
Just a little scared.
Not worth loosing everything for.
You either accept being a girlfriend for ever and be content that you being supported, or you go get a job, save your money so that you have some back up funds if abs when you guys break up. No ultimatums, just be prepared.
Sounds to me like he has what he wants in life. Seems too me you have already given away all your bargaining chips.
The time to negotiate with him long past. Looks like you can chose to stay with him or leave him.
Think for a moment if this relationship didn’t work out and you were forced to move out and find work where would you be? I’m not familiar with your particular skills or previous work experience, however this would set you backwards. Basically you would start from scratch because your skills would be outdated. How would you afford to take care of your family? These are important things to consider. (Just in case as a backup plan).Being in a relationship the rewards should be mutually beneficial for both parties. A healthy relationship is interdependent not codependent. There is a big difference between being selfless and being selfish in a relationship. I recommend studying healthy boundaries for relationships. Blessings to you in finding your happiness! 