Imagine leaving someone because it’s not official on a piece of paper
You already have a child already so your currently living outside the grace of God. I would repent and ask God to guide you. You are already in a tough situation spirituality.
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I couldn’t care less if I’m married when I ass younger I did but then I came to realize why? I’m with the person I love, I have two beautiful kids, we pop each other’s pimples, so a piece of paper to me isn’t worth leaving someone. Living common law works just for us, and even if you got married, nothing changes except your last name, and your financial situation. You’re still going to be sitting on the couch glaring at each other, raising those babies, and walking into the bathroom when someone else is pooping.
Excuse me but no mention of “love”
I wouldnt either
You knew going in- you’re a stay at home mom and he works a lot- it sounds like YOU have an issue with boundaries and are ungrateful as well as expectations out of this world.
Get a grip.
Maybe stop pumping out the kids and expecting a free ride.
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Sign a prenup. Problem solved
They have prenups for those situations…
Give him a deadline.
Stay single - you’ll be glad you did!
3 words: DON’T DO IT!
Your relationship is NOT very healthy
That child you have together will inherit , at least you have that
That’s the secret to a great relationship!
Hold out and dress as sexy as you can everyday , you’ll find out what you need to know good or bad.
Leave this relationship now.
that is not a healthy relationship js
If it’s not broken don’t fix it.
So then write up a prenup
That’s what pre nups are for.
Prenuptial agreement , done and done
From my own personal experience I swore up and down that I would never get married because honestly it’s just a piece of paper and it’s not meaningful. When I got with my spouse I told him from the start I did not believe in marriage. He himself was recently divorced and also stated that he did not want to get married. We were ok with being life partners and even discussed me just changing my last name to his instead of getting married. However things changed because we both had our own kids and my kid was living with us and then his kids decided that they wanted us to have custody of them and in order for us to get custody we had to get married legally. We talked about it for a long time because we did not want to get married. However we did end up getting married. Not because we decided to commit, but because we wanted our children to have the best life. And honestly to the people saying that people who don’t want to get married are doing it because they want to leave a door open for cheating, or leaving is full of shit. I never ever wanted to cheat on my husband, and the same goes for him. We spent every second with each other, worked at the same place at the same hours and lived together. The reason I did not want to get married was because in my family every single person who got married lost their spouse soon after, or they lost their own life soon after. The reason he didn’t want to get married was because he had been married once before and she broke him. And he did not want our marriage to be anything like his previous. However we did get married and it seems like nothing changed in our life because we started dating and made sure we both had the same understanding that we are together forever with no returns no matter what. And to be honest you don’t have to get married to stay in a stable relationship and be loyal. Married people cheat more than single people. 
.
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Do a marriage without it being legal. That’s my plan.
I’m just going to legally change my last name to his and wear a ring. We’ll have a ceremony, without the paperwork. My boyfriend of nearly SIX years is the same way. But he’s told me from the jump he didn’t want a legal marriage because he doesn’t think the government needs to be involved. And I get it. To an extent. So we just made a compromise. We can do all the wedding things, without the paper. And that’s fine with me. When time comes for me to need POA, he’ll sign it over to me. Just like I have the paperwork to make him my POA now because we’re pregnant and he needs to be able to make those decisions.
You may not full rights and benefits without jumping through hoops, but it’s still all very possible.
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Marriage isn’t for everyone and no one should have it forced upon them. If getting married is so important you find someone who also wants to get married.
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Marriage is just a piece of paper. Why do YOU want to get married? Is it that necessary? Marriage is not necessary, go date someone who wants to get married. Youre hurting yourself staying with him and continuously asking hoping hed change his mind. Just leave him so yall both can find someone who has the same interests
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Marriage is a legal binder that doesn’t benefit the man.
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Demand a letter for paternity issues. Life insurance in your child’name with a clause that u are to be told when he stops making payment. Hire an attorney to represent u. In the event that he leaves you see if you can demand payment for services rendered since you stayed home taking care of His house. See if he likes it
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Being married is serious for me. Ive been engaged 3 times and run the 3 times, I knew I wouldnt of married them. I didnt realise how much I was scared of the commitment until I met the love of my life. This guy is the one. My protector, my hero, my everything. He brings the best out of me and im so grateful for finding him. I married him for him and myself to have the safety we both needed as a family. We where together for 4 years and got married and still happily married nearly 8 years together. I wouldnt or couldn’t be without him. The security a marriage brings is important for both of us.
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Can you name one benefit your boyfriend (not you) gets by being married that he doesn’t get by not being married?
For most guys marriage is 100% risk and 0% any new benefits.
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I couldn’t be a SAHM when everything is seperate. So u give your life and career up to cater for him and children while he builds his life and finances and then if it doesn’t work out you are left with nothing and no experience other than being at home. You will have to start from nothing while he continues with everything. Thats madness
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He claims to be open-minded about marriage but his actions prove that to be a lie. Bottom line you’re going to have to decide how important being married is to you. If it’s important, you need to move on and find someone who wants the same things in life that you do. Clearly he doesn’t.
Doesn’t sound healthy to me…
However try relationship counseling and see if there’s some type of compromise ,such as a pre-nup
If marriage is something you want and he’s not budging, then it’s time to reconsider the relationship as a whole and go from there and refrain from having more children
Tbh people are always against things when they don’t really see that with you. Your not the person he see marriage with. The truth hurts but hey
Get on his work medical benefits as a common law wife/domestic partner. Then at least there’s some record of you in case he dies. I say get married because if he dies, you’ll keep his pension & medical benefits as you’re not working. What will happen to you? Do you have financial support if he dies or leaves you? If he’s in the hospital, his family can exclude you from seeing him. Get a career to save yourself if he doesn’t marry you. You’re putting your life in his hands, girlfriend. That’s not safe.
There’s your answer RUN
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. Who respects your opinions and wants the same in life. He sounds like he against long term commitment. He doesn’t want a long term relationship with you. Run girl.
Girl, enjoy what you have, you are acting and living as a married couple. You have to ask yourself why that piece of paper is so necessary, what does it prove that he isn’t proving now? I have been with my “husband” for 20 yrs, we have 2 kids, we both work and take care of the kids and share household duties…all the things a married couple do. We are married/commited in our hearts and minds and for me that is all I need. Sometimes that piece of paper can ruin things. I wouldn’t put to much pressure on a piece of paper.
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I have a question? Why does SHE WANT to be married. Because just wanting a title or to “validate the relationship” is as shallow an answer as “I want to remain financially independent”.
You have a child together he already owes you half.
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My friends Mom lived with her boy friend for 40years. Paid half their house off, put money into the house for those 40yrs, he passed away last year his kids kicked her out sold the house she got nothing. They got it all they also had a child together that child got nothing also
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Okay for all the women commenting "half his stuff he’s not committed ", Let me help you all. Men can be hurt and guarded just as easily as a woman can. We have our fears and we are taught from a young age not to show or talk about our fears. I have the same reservations, why do I need a piece of paper to say I love you till the end of time when we live in a disposable world? I’ve had a mother in law tell her daughter to leave me due to a back surgery, that’s the sad facts.
Go with the flow. If you both are happy and in love why spoil it.Just bcoz you wnt to get married does not mean you should push him. marriage is not for everyone. Atlist he is honest. He also knows that divorce is a big issue. So just respect that.
We are never taught that marriage is not for everyone nor should it be a goal. Continue as you are, you are happy and well taken care of. Ensure you are the beneficiary & that he has ample life insurance and retirement or bank accounts to leave you in case he dies. You can still access his assets because you have his child. Do not push him or you will lose him…I’ve known couples who were happy 50 years and unmarried…
To me marriage is a marriage with or without paperwork however what happens if he dies you and your children would lose your home and any “spouse” death benefits. He should be looking out for you if something were to happen. But if he just sees it and “his house” and half his paycheck which married or not he would pay child support. Might want to think about it. 4 yrs in and he don’t want to commit might want to think about moving on bc chances are hes not moving.
Marriage is a piece of paper.
If your happy leave things in alone
If you really want to be married so badly then do a prenup.
Sounds like he has money and he’s worried you will divorce him and take half of everything.
I have seen that before. Not saying your going to do that, but some women do.
Y’all common law married, I say compromise cause the worst thing you can do is make him feel cornered into marrying you when he himself doesn’t want it. I’m not for marriage either and if anything I’d just do a honeymoon instead of a ceremony and I don’t wanna be legally bind to another person cause if shit goes down, I don’t wanna waste money on lawyers, have a battle thing, I’d just like to pack my shit up and leave without the extra bullshit. To each their own but since he treats you so good, I’d say just deal with it 
maybe down the road he’ll be more open to it but for now, leave it be.
Plain and simple, you either deal with the fact that he doesn’t want to marry you, or leave. But don’t expect him to change his mind. My personal opinion, any man that didn’t have the intention to marry me, I’d walk away from.
Getting married is really just a piece of paper… weddings are a flaunt of wealth… both of you are technically already living as if you are married… I wouldn’t let it stress you too much… obviously ur partner loves you and is already committed to you…
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Sorry your relationship is doombed…if you cannot share anything now don’t bother having one…
A strong healthy relationship only works when both are giving to each other not one sided!
If your not married within the first yr or two…he isn’t interested
Your relationship is not healthy you both want different things. It’s it going to get better. He will be er marry you and when he dies he will resent you for forcing him to marry . You know what the Answer is you just don’t want to accept it . He didn’t mind mixing juices to make a baby but doesn’t want to combined debt . Youre just looking for an a sweet you want to hear the problem is it’s not going to be true
What’s the difference between marriage and a long term relationship? Nothing but a ring and bonded finances. If you want to lose him keep pushing for marriage.
Half of “his” house?.. If finances are his only concern you can have a prenuptial agreement whereby his income is his and the child you have together would receive half of the home in the event of divorce… You won’t be able to live on a few pieces of jewelry alone and need a profession and steady income that isn’t earned by him for your financial stability and that of your three children.
Umm maybe next time it gets discussed suggest a prenuptial agreement…but it’s either get married and have financial protection should anything horrible happen to him or go get a job and start moving forward without him. And as it stands if the worst was to happen his next of kin not you or the kids would be the decision maker and would inherit his property which would leave you and the kids with nothing but prayers of good grace. But all of his worries can be made null and void with a well written prenup
Literally zero benefits in marriage. If you are a man.
In the eyes of God you’re already married. Spiritually you’re married. You live together, you have a child together, and you’ve been together for some time. Ask him of y’all can just have a ceremony without the legal documents.
The fact that you’re considering leaving him now over this means you aren’t invested in him, you just want to be married again and to who is irrelevant - something to consider because it seems you already have 1 foot out the door already
Sorry to break it to him, but after 6-8 months your common law anyways, and if you wanted to you could take his house… not saying that’s what you want but common law is pretty close to marriage
If you’re a SAHM how are your bills being paid? He has the upper hand here. If he does find someone else, your SOL with no job or money with children. That could be something he might be worried about. If you’re not working and he is paying your bills, what would be so different if your were married?
Personally, I don’t understand the idea of leaving a healthy happy relationship because it’s not recognized by the government. If being married means that much to you offer to sign a prenup first.
I hope things work out for you!!!
Be with someone who has the same life goals as you in that aspect. It will always be a fight and then there could be resentment that could come between you if you guys do get married.
Have your own ceremony just don’t sign any documents. You get your wedding and he gets what he wants
Get a boyfriend who does enjoy the idea of marriage. This one isn’t going to change his mind.
If you keep going on about it you will drive him away . I feel so sorry for your man if your constantly nagging about getting married . You sound like a very it’s all about me person and that’s probably why he doesn’t want to marry you . You’ve already been married once so I don’t understand the I’ve always wanted to be married comment . You probably drove that husband away with your needy attitude. Btw it’s obvious the man your with now has no interest in settling down with you and he probably gave you a gift because you nagged him to .
Oh god heaven forbid that a man doesn’t want to be married!!
Omg if this was a woman saying she doesn’t want to be married everyone would be supportive of her and tell her that she deserves better but cause it’s a man saying it he’s cheating in her 
It’s no wonder men have such hard times trusting women.
You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally. He has shown you who he is. If you want love and security I hope you will leave him and meet someone who wants to take care of you more than this guy. You deserve far better. Life is short. Go be happy. You have no future with this loser.
Both of them should seek a Lawyer, prior to marriage, for protection of the wealth acquired prior to marriage.
Having a child with someone is a bigger step than marriage. Maybe should have talked about that first along with the marriage chat.
because marriage is like a boat it looks good when someone else owns it
So what he is saying he dont want his Child to benefit from his house ??? And his paycheck ?? Well sorry buddy but some of your paycheck will go to that child until 18… and as far as his house… seems like he is very selfish… if he loved you like a husband loves his wife. He would care. Ughh man suck sometimes… jewelry isnt a bandaid or a substitute for not getting married . He dont treat you right… He wont make you his wife…
Omg its just a piece of paper! Better to have the right man than the right wedding 
Huge waste of money anyway!! Live your life together and be happy!!
Leave now. He plans on a divorce. Not in love.
Tell him to make a prenup if he is that worried.
I’m sorry but I would also never marry a sahm 
all the risk is on the dude alone
No one needs marriage. It is not the be all to make you happy. It is an old fashioned idea. Let it go and enjoy what you have.
If those are his reasons, maybe he would consider a prenuptial agreement?
It’s just a piece of paper have him write you in his will for the house
My suggestion is to leave him. He seems extremely selfish to me.
Remember you will never get social security benefits off your mate if your not married for 10 yrs. Something to remember
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been together forever and have never been married… What is your people’s obsession with marriage?!.. do you live together?, check. Do you have kids together?, check. Do you share responsibilities?, check. Guess what I’m the eyes of the law you are already technically married. It’s called common law and you can still get the house and half his paycheck if you seperate!! It’s called spousal support instead of alimony… You are already pretty much married… Everyone knows you are together… How about you tell us why you need to be “married” so badly… What are you lacking that you think this is needed if you already have good relationship!!
Well that 1 child is 33 and 1/3 of his gross income.
Ask him to marry you, you will find out how he feels. If you want to be happy and married then move on.
Leave… read the first sentence and if that was me I wouldn’t even waste my time 
x
What difference will marriage make?
Why are you still with him,
You have a child together yet, he doesn’t want you to “take half”
WTF are you doing with someone like that, you made the mistake of having a baby with him, what does he think will happen if you leave now, unless he’s stupid and doesn’t know what child support is ,
He needs to man up and grow the fuck up
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Is your state a community property state and did you sign any agreements
Marriage should have come first.
Y’all have a child, you have his paycheck 
Enjoy the ride… que sera sera
People were married loooong before marriage got tied to the government. Get married but don’t do it in the eyes on the law, do it how you like and get yourselves the rings you like.
No merging debt, no divorce court later, no higher tax bracket, everything just based on love. Fuck the feds
This is not a healthy relationship
He has been honest from the beginning. Sounds like you got pregnant trying to trap him. Be glad he still supports your gold digging ass, along with your kids from another marriage. You need to learn to work, and quit expecting a man to support you. Good for him for sticking to his guns.
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If he truly loved you and was truly committed to you (and his child he has with you) he would WANT to give you half his house and half his paycheck. He’s not 100% committed. He’s holding out for someone better to come along and he wants to have all his paycheck and all his house for the new person. I would give him an ultimatum. Marriage or split up. You deserve better, and the child you have with him deserves better. What father doesn’t want their child to have half of his home? He is selfish and you and the child both deserve better.
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Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t see a problem with not wanting to get the government involved in your relationship.
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Dump him and get child support.
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I dont think hes open minded, it actually sounds like the complete opposite. It sounds like he’s stringing you along without fully committing to you cuz he doesn’t want to go through a divorce, which means he doesnt see this working out long term.
If marriage is important to you I dont think you’re gonna find it here. Seems absolutely absurd that he’ll have a kid with you but wont marry you. Like what if he died? Marriages are huge safety nets with families and he’s literally being a greedy gremlin like I’m not gonna share my money if we split up. His priorities are all messed up.
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Nope. You are making catastrophic decisions about a man who is not fully committed to you or your child/children. You need to make plans for what if anything happens to you or to him? You need to plan for your financial security, retirement, etc. If you aren’t married you have no rights, no social security benefits, no survivor benefits for your children if he passes away. What are you dreaming of? He has shown you who he is. Selfish and greedy.
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Most of Ya’lls comments are so trivial,living inside of what society says is the right way to live… It’s People like Ya’ll that make most Humans not to want Marriage. Grow the F’ck up.
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You need to start by determining what it is you think will be different if you were married to him. In many cases you will find that there is another way to fulfill you wants without being “legally married in the eyes of the law”
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Why get married its a waste of money that can be spent on better things in a relationship
After a certain amount of time you are classed as a common law wife and have the same rights as if your married without spending stupid money in a ring - which is pointless and stupid money on basically a party which again is pointless waste of money
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He’s already doing something worthy of a divorce. he just doesn’t want the repercussions.
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