My boyfriend wants me to get a paternity test and I am upset: Advice?

Just have it, maybe it’s a little offensive but in the grand scheme of life it’s simple!

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Agree with everyone that understands both sides. Feelings aren’t wrong. Your feelings of being accused aren’t wrong and his need to be sure isn’t wrong. I think it’s important to get the test.

Piece of advice, lots of men are told that a baby is theirs when it isn’t. Lots of men are trapped by women with the thought that those women can be shitty people but have a baby and keep a man around. You know the baby is yours, you will never have to question that. He’s witnessed too many situations where men he loved were lied to and hurt. Don’t let him be one of those men. It’s a simple test and at the end of the day if there’s nothing to hide life will resume as normal.

This thread is full of a bunch of assholes that make me ashamed to be a part of this group. Your feelings being hurt is 1000% okay. Mine would be too. Screw all these assholes on this thread.

Take the test get it framed and hand it to his ass on Father’s Day that’s what I did for my firstborn when her dad was questioning her being his because her skin was too white :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Just give him the test so you guys can move forward and not have to go through this again.

Just get the test. Just like you are certain its yours, he’d like to be certain its his. Just ease everyone’s mind and save the future problems. Take the test

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I hope you both understand each other’s side. I don’t think he is doing this because he thinks your cheated it’s for his own piece of mind. It’s simple. Don’t take it as a trust thing he just wants to put his mind at ease. I wouldn’t take offense to it. This is a baby and babies are easy to make. But for someone who hadn’t had an easy time of making them he just wants that reassurance.

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My husband asked for one when our first child was born. His reasoning, I told him that I shot another guy down. I told him that was fine, but I couldn’t be with him. My reasoning he married his ex wife, while she was pregnant, and he knew that it wasn’t his. I knew that there was no question as to who fathered my child. He opted against the DNA test, and she looks just like her daddy. (Meanwhile, we still pay child support for his ex wife’s child.)

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He trusts you and doesn’t think you cheated… but he wants a DNA test? Does he think it’s immaculate conception :unamused: he obviously thinks you cheated. If he wants a test, let him pay for it when the baby comes. Dads always have a small question whether it’s their child or not because they don’t physically carry the baby so it’s not a stretch if he wants a test given his family situation.

This seams more like proving it to his family. You have nothing to hide and a simple test can get everyone off his back and give everyone piece of mind. Just take the test and then you can get all this behind you.

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I know how you feel, it’s really not that hard to understand. Your feelings aren’t invalid just because he can’t seem to Understand. Feeling hurt because someone thinks you’d do something you know you’d never do is totally acceptable. I’ve had my boyfriend say the exact same thing to me about looking guilty & I thinks it’s pretty damn stupid! Getting defensive doesn’t always mean someone is guilty.

He has a right to know if it’s his through DNA. It’s not that upsetting if that’s what happened to him. He was traumatized by something now he wants to be sure.

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You just gave enough reasons for him to question. You have ABSOLUTE certainty that that baby is his because you didn’t sleep with anyone else. Men don’t have that certainty, JUST trust. And if he has seen people get screwed over before, then he is going to be even more worried about it. Why not just do it?

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If he’s paying for it, just take it and put it behind you.

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He’s saying things like your feelings make you sound guilty, and he thought you’d be excited because of your go forward truthful attitude.

This is manipulative
This is coercion
This is control

Leave him before it gets worse.

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There is nothing wrong with getting a DNA test done - it’s more for him not because he thinks you cheated but for the fact he didn’t think he could produce a child with a woman for however long until you - it’s just the joy of knowing and seeing it on paper that he is really a dad. Sounds like he has had some crappy things in his life and this is something that is an over exciting thing for him and it really isn’t any disrespect towards you at all. Tell him to save up his money because they aren’t cheap if you want one to take to court at some given time. YOU know he is the daddy so it shouldn’t be an issue to pacify his true need for this. Good luck sweetie in whatever choice you make.

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I mean he has every right to ask, but that doesn’t equal that he trust you because he doesn’t. Trust is about taking someones word and I’m not saying this to be mean, but I doubt this will be the last time the trauma comes into the relationship. He’s probably a great guy and I’d just do it to ease his mind, but after then, I’d ask him to maybe see if he has any unresolved issues he needs to work on in therapy. It is definitely offensive, because the ONLY other reason you’d be pregnant is by sleeping with someone else, but I think with his past, it’s understandable why he has trust issues. Just do it, talk about it, get stronger as a relationship, and move on

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There’s nothing wrong with asking it’s sad your feelings should only be hurt if the baby is not his he had every right to get that test done just like you said his brother was taking care of a kid that wasn’t his I’m sure he doesn’t want to try the same situation but you are taking it way out of hand so seems like you’ve done something wrong

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I’m the same way. I know my boyfriend is the father but it seems a million different people want me to prove something? Like his sister won’t accept the baby as his until she sees a DNA test, like… You hardly know me, then apparently his work wants to know, etc. Its very heartbreaking and hurtful when you know with all certainty and people want you to prove something which you shouldn’t have to. I’m sorry honey, it’ll probably make your boyfriend feel bbetter. Doesn’t change a thing, but very emotionally upsetting

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If you have nothing to hide, then do the test. Wont hurt.
He’s insecure because of his past, and it’s only been 6 months. You really haven’t given him a solid grounding yet to 100% know if you will be faithful.
Some are together for 20 years and still cheat.

You’re taking it too personally.

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Let us know the outcome

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Say ok you may pay for a test if you wanna waste three or four hundred dollars

He has a right to know if the baby is his. But, why couldn’t he take a fertility test ro see if his semen is viable. If they are not, then the question of a DNA test comes into play.

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Hundreds it nothing to worry about it put his mind n most likely his family since his brother did raise a a that was not his.
All 4 of my boys was tested when they was born it was not because my husband didn’t trust me. It was to prove that they was all his to his family.

If you didn’t cheat, them you have nothing to hide. Take the test.

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It may hurt your feelings but it takes not even 5 minutes to take a test. Tell him if he pays for it you’ll do it, then him and his family will shut their mouths about it :woman_shrugging:t5:

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My husband and I had the same issue. We both thought neither one of us could get pregnant etc but I got pregnant at 39 and he was 34. Our son looks exactly like him. I would tell him to wait until the baby is born if he believes you haven’t cheated etc. we didn’t need any paternity test lol

Maybe next time you make sure your boyfriends don’t come from an
“ AREA WHERE WOMEN TRAP MEN “
:grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::rofl:

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He has given you valid reasons as to why he wants the test: thinking he couldn’t have children and what happened to his brother. If you were having doubts/insecurities of something, wouldn’t you expect him to do everything he could to ease your worries/make you feel better? I personally think dna tests should automatically be done at birth before paperwork for the birth certificate is given to the parents to fill out. That way no one can get offended because it’s the norm and everyone has peace of mind.

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He doesnt trust you bbcz of past trama sounds like he has somethings to work out.

But to stop bothering you. id take the test and move one.

No matter what he should of said " I believe you but with my my families past and my accident id like a dna test to prove to himself and his family . :thinking:

Good luck,
Congrats on the baby.

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If it’s his child… there should be no issue with allowing him to get one… he’s allowed to have his feelings and ask for one. I side with him… let the man have it and go on about it. He’s not condemning you by wanting one. :v:t3:

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I would be hurt like you, but I would empathize with him after thinking more thoroughly because he was told he couldn’t have children. So based on that, I would get the test and probably forgive this one.

I would get it done and behind you. I think he is doing it so his family will get off his back

If he will pay for then what’s the harm?

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If u have nothing to
Hide just do it. He’s just scared

I would do it to shut him up but I would also be the one to ask him to move out right after he got the results.

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Strangely enough I can see his reasons look at it this way he was honest and told u sbd didn’t go do it behind ur back

He may also want the test to establish paternity rights. You two not being married if something goes wrong down the line he doesn’t want his child ripped away from him due to lack of established paternity. The other reasons he gave I think are coming from family pressure and confusion. He will feel way more comfortable/ excited about his baby coming knowing he can establish he’s his baby’s father out the gate so there’s no question. Not because he thinks you cheated. Men have paternal instinct too and the fear of having his child ripped away from him at some point in the future seems to be what this is about.

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Honestly if he believes you and trust you he probably wants the DNA test to shut up his family who is probably asking for it and I wouldn’t be hurt by that

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just do it if theres nothing to hide.set his mind at ease💜

Do the test SO the family will get OFF his BACK!!

Just let him have it for his own peice of mind if anything

If it gives him peace of mind, take the test. It’s not a big deal especially if you know for sure the baby is his. Your compassion and understanding of his fears and concerns (no matter how unfounded) will make him feel loved and understood. And he’ll likely feel very silly and of course relieved when the results come back.

Oh Lord suck it up and give him the dang test…:woman_facepalming:

I think DNA testing is great there literally was not possible way my kids dad wasn’t but I still insisted on a DNA test as advised by my lawyer (I was under age) She explained its really just protection for my son. If anything where to happen to his dad my son would be entitled to benefits and such we also had 2 have 1 for him to be placed on my son’s birth certificate. It sound like your boyfriend is a good guy and just wants the peace of mind so I don’t see what the big deal is it would be different if he asked because he thought you were being unfaithful

There isn’t trust. He doesn’t trust you. Your best option is to move along. These things don’t generally get better with time.

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Plus if you have the test and something happens he can’t deny the baby is his

A paternity test is his right. If you’re open and blunt then you would request the same thing if in his position. Sounds like your hormones are surging a bit right now. If that is already making you upset, saddle up. Parenting is WAY more difficult then getting a paternity test. :woman_shrugging::roll_eyes:

I’d get the test as requested BUT I sure as hell wouldn’t stick around during the pregnancy or after the pregnancy. Not saying I wouldn’t let him be involved because he 100% should BUT I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who insinuates that there’s a chance it’s not his. Even if it’s more so his family like others have suggested… if he can be that easily swayed into thinking it then what does that say about him?

He has zero merit on claiming he didn’t think he could have kids… okay, a bike wreck? Most kids have bike wrecks AND he didn’t get the “doubt you can have kids” from a doctor… and the whole he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant before SOOOOOO that doesn’t mean anything either.

Either way… you need to do what’s best for you!

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Sounds like a guilty conscience I’d say :woman_shrugging:t2:

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If you have nothing to worry about, just take the test and be done with it. He deserves to have confirmation. I don’t understand why you’re so upset, especially if he’s telling you he doesn’t think you’re cheating.

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The way he’s seen people lie about paternity obviously scares him and he has fears of it happening to him. Has nothing to do with you but within him. I totally understand you being upset, but if you want your feelings validated he deserves to have his feelings validated. It has nothing to do with him thinking of you being unfaithful, it has everything to do with his family pressuring and a deep rooted fear from what has happened to someone he knows and doesn’t ever want that happening to him. It doesn’t matter if he knows it’s his, having it in black and white will set his mind at ease and squash that deep rooted fear. If you love him do it with the understanding that there is nothing to hide and you want to show him that there’s nothing to worry about. Hope yall get past this

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Make him pay for it and just do it. I mean you got every right to be upset but he gave you 2 good reasons to just do it and trust isn’t 1 of them so be understanding not hurt

That to me would say there is no trust and what is a relationship without trust… I would get the test but the relationship would be done for me personally.

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We went through something similar. Both us had one kid from past relationships and never had another. We got together when his son was 15 and got pregnant a month after. I knew the type of women he had been with and what they put him through, so I offered. No biggie. He never requested one and we had another baby after. He knows I’m 100% completely honest and would never lie to him, let alone about something that serious.

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My husband was told by several doctors that he wouldn’t be able to have kids due to fights etc growing up. Well I have 2 kids that proved otherwise​:grin: and he never asked for a dna test either, he never questioned me. If he is requesting one he doesn’t trust you :woman_shrugging:t2: that’s my opinion. You can get one and still be done with him (as I would walk away from that) but he can still be dad

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You’ve only been with him 6 months. That is a very short time to live with someone, let alone have a baby. You don’t really know each other. If you know it’s his and you pretty much understand his fear, just do it. Close that chapter and move forward or your whole pregnancy will be unnecessarily stressful, putting stress on the baby. He was told he couldn’t have kids so I’m sure that adds to his doubt. I say do it.

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I’d tell him if he’s really concerned to go out the door and not let him hit in the ass on his way out. He’s manipulating you, I’ve been through the same thing only I’m married to the guy.

EVERY FATHER SHOULD GET A DNA TEST. Period.

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It has nothing to do with him not trusting you. It sounds like his family is pressuring him given the history of what his brother went through. Just take the test and move on from this

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Id give him the test. After i explained in plain detail that i was perfectly competent and comfortable raising the lil bugger i already have and would raise this child with or without him but that id love for us to be able to raise this child together but that’s a lot too. They have to accept love and treat that child just the same!.. And after its all said and done hes gotta leave that petty trapoing bs in the past where it belongs. He willing had unprotected intercourse knowing in the back of his mind there is a 1% chance you will get knocked up.

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Honey just get the test ease his mind yall will work it out it’s nothing to stress over you have nothing to hide. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you the guys just been around to much crap so I say just do it it cant hurt anything

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My BF wanted a paternity test too. I got so upset, it turned into a huge argument. He said how mad/upset I got made me look like I was guilty of something. “If it’s mine, why are you so mad?” after we parted ways for a few hours to calm down, I told him to do it now while I’m still pregnant or don’t bring it up again. He said no, we had our daughter and she looked JUST LIKE HIM. We were only together for 4 months when we got pregnant and only knew each other for 5 months. Ultimately let him get his test while you’re still pregnant and get it over with. Why wait until birth? And let him pay for it since you’re 100% sure the baby is his. In our situation, he didn’t want any children, I’m pretty sure it was his nerves about having a baby and being scared. That’s all it was. But in your situation, he has a valid point with wanting a test. Mine also said "guys rasie kids all the time and find out later they are not theirs " So I told him to do it if it would make him feel better.

You’ve only been together 6 months. He’s never had kids after all these yrs and now supposedly has one. Just give him the test.
I feel all couples with babies should be tested with the way things are going.

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If you have nothing to hide than I see no problem getting a test to prove you were not lying.

Yes I understand the feelings aspect, I went through the same issue with my daughters father.

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Just give it to him. Ease his mind.

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Red flag time. Soul searching some. Step back and maybe some couples therapy

Sounds like it’s more his father than him. Take the test , when it comes back it’s his sons kid you can smile and listen to his father apologize. You cant really blame the family when his brother was lied to and hurt.

If you have nothing to hide and it’s something he struggles with just give him the peace of mind and do it. Just prove that not all women are the same and they don’t want to trap their men. Sometimes we have to take a punch to our pride to give someone else clarity. Hope it all works out for you!

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If it’s me I wouldn’t care. Seems like his family is pushing it. I would have him pay for the test and prove to him your loyal. Yeah I might be a little hurt over it but with this day and age it’s so hard to trust people tbh.

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do the test make him pay for it :woman_shrugging:

I understand your hurt, but if you are telling the truth, a paternity test will only work in your favor. And that crying? I’m the same way, I cry when I’m telling the truth because not being believed hurts.

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Don’t get your feelings hurt by it all. If you have nothing to hide and haven’t cheated then do the dna test. It makes him happy and feel secure based on family history.

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While I get why you are hurt I also have to ask why you were against doing it in the first place? You even said he thought he was sterile most if not all men if they thought they were sterile would ask for one. It’s not like it’s super far fetched for him to even ask. I have to also say I agree with the fact the more you are against it and are getting upset I can see how it could look like you are hiding something. If anything wouldn’t you want to do it to prove the point it’s his? You have a right to be hurt he asked just as he has the right to be hurt you were so upset he asked.

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You’re not married or legally bound, have been together less than a year, and with his family history it makes sense for this to be a want… Get the test and move on.

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since you have been together such a short time–just get the test–if you end up not staying together it will make working out child visitation/support easier. However I am concerned with the “where women trap men” statement. Any man who says that is a misogynist not to be trusted. Women cannot “trap” men in the 21st century. It may have happened back in the day when birth control was difficult to get for unmarried people and parents may have forced their kids to get married because of pregnancy. No man has to marry a woman these days and can find condoms everywhere to make sure he does not get a woman pregnant if he does not want it (of course condoms can break–but still not her “trapping” him) .

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Honey honestly get the test it’s no big deal. My boyfriend was with somebody for eight years and they tried having a kid and never could. .We were friends with benefits for about 4 months and I got pregnant. He was excited because he always wanted kids but He had his doubts through the entire pregnancy. Instead of being offended by his doubts I just listened to his concerns was reassuring and understanding. The second when our daughter was born he knew she was his because she looked just like him but I still got a paternity test just to ease his mind 100%
. On the flip side my ex-husband was dating a girl who had cheated on him numerous times she ended up getting pregnant and he raised a baby that wasn’t his for 13 months because he took her word for it ,that it was his even after everyone pushed him to get a paternity test before he signed the birth certificate.Now he’s stuck paying out the ass in child support for a child that’s not even his.

I hope we are going to get some closure on this post.

You can’t just leave us all hanging.
Did you get the test?
Did you prove it was his? Or did he leave because it wasn’t?
What happened? :grin:

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My brother had a bad bike wreck when he was younger he has 9 kid I

It’s hurtful even when you didnt cheat on him and it will still sting after you do the paternity test. But he will be happy after that and wont pester you with it after. You will eventually get over it and both you will be happy to prepare for your new baby.

If I was the guy and thought I could not have kids and all the sudden have a kid on the way I would be kind of questioning too. Not against my partner but just so blown away. I was told I could not have kids and it took a doctor calling in other doctors to persuade me lol. The issue comes with him falling into peer pressure though

Damn at 6 months y’all don’t even k ow each other, give the guy a break, he barely knows you. Put his mind at ease, and stop guilting him for it. You don’t have an invested past, your being unreasonable. Give him the test, and be pleasant and forthcoming with it. If I was him, I’d seriously be seeing red flags with you acting like this.

First of all i would tell his father to butt out and he can be darn sure the baby isnt his.
If you go through this and get tested whats the next thing you are.going to have to.prove? How many times will he go thru your phone and wonder why toy talked for 18minutes.

Get one done then to prove that it’s his. And then have a discussion with him on how you feel.

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My first piece of advice would be to stop boo hooing all over Facebook.
Second piece of advice would be just do it.
End of problem.

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I would give him what he wants

This already sounds like a train wreck. The family’s input being more important than your feelings. The family’s input casting doubts about your baby’s paternity. Him asking you to prove your innocence. There is clearly an absence of trust here and 1 test result isn’t going to erase the underlying issue.

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If your not worried about it take the test, it’ll give him peace of mind and it’s over. I don’t blame him tbh. Someone spread a rumour that they slept with my now ex while I was out of town training for work. Well she ended up pregnant. And I could have been raising someone else’s child. Remember it’s not you vs him it’s the both of you vs the problem. Don’t you want him to know just as much as you do that the baby is his.

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People grow up in all different environments. He’s believed he would never be a father since he was young. That’s difficult to believe. He’s not questioning you, he’s questioning his ability to father a child. Even if you don’t get the test now, this is something that he will wonder about forever. Either test the kid or test the semen.

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You just explained all the good reasons he would want a test. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable.

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I don’t really blame him. If he was entirely under the impression he couldn’t have kids, he more than likely just wants to be sure. If you’re loyal and haven’t cheated, there’s nothing to make a fuss about. It’ll probably make him even more excited for have all doubts erased from his mind.

I would take test and move on even though its hurts your feelings. At the end of the day, you both will be happy celebrating and enjoying your pregnancy and baby.

It sounds like he has some fear and trauma based on past family experiences. While it’s upsetting, I would gladly do it to help calm his trauma driven anxiety.

Put yourself in his shoes. You go along life thinking you can’t have babies and then this miracle happens. If you have nothing to worry about then do the test. It may make y’all stronger too.

I think it’s understandable about being hurt, but with his history, ease his mind. If he really did think you cheated it will come to light.

I mean if you have nothing to hide and know it’s his why not? Plus not to mention in most states they require a DNA test done if you all breakup and go after him for child support. Get it done and over with.

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He has every right to ask for a paternity test. If you have nothing to hide get the test done and move on.

Just do it. If you have no concerns then do it and rub it in his fathers face simple

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Why not just do it. He has trust issues…dont beat him down for it. It’s just a freaking test.