I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years. His mom has started coming over to our house more frequently, and I’m starting to feel like she’s making everything a competition between me and her. For example- we had a family dinner at our house a few weekends ago, and I offered to cook for everyone. When she showed up, she had brought over food as well—which was totally fine by me. But it was the comment she made at dinner after everyone had already sat down to eat that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She stood up and said “I cooked dinner too in case her dinner didn’t live up to the expectations”. Then, about a month ago, my fiancé had a very minor procedure done. His mom came over everyday for a week to sit with him and take care of him, because she “just knows she can take care of her baby better than anyone else”. Everything I say or do, she has to one up me. I don’t want to say anything and upset my fiancé, and I definitely don’t wanna create drama in the family. So before I lose my mind, can someone just tell me if I’m overreacting?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriends mom constantly tries to one up me: Advice?
You’re not overreacting at all! She sounds like a mama that doesn’t want to/know how to let go of her baby boy. I’d gently bring it up with your fiancé. He has to have noticed.
You’re not overreacting. But sadly it will never get better. So you have to choose if you want to deal with that for life or not
My husbands mom brings him lunches to work because I can’t feed him well enough. It’s not abnormal some mother’s get weirdly possessive with their sons and no it’s not healthy but it is what it is.
I woulda lost it at the dinner comment. I am sorry y’all have to deal with mother in laws like this… just remember you will be a mother in law too so take notes so you don’t make your daughter in law feel how you do!
IMO you’re not over reacting. From what you’re saying she seems to be acting as though you are a threat, to take her “baby” away.
That will never change believe me. Not w that type of woman. U are a saint not 2 say anything though. I wouldof said u eat ur food then n ill eat mine🤣
Speak up now or it will only get worse!!!
You are overreacting. Appreciate that he has a mother who loves him so much. Enjoy having a big and healthy family 
Your better off speaking up otherwise it will keep happening she needs to know her place and her boundaries goodluck all the best
No you are not overreacting and if you don’t nip this in the bud right now you are going to have a miserable marriage because she will always be butting in.
Make sure you want to marry the in laws as well
You need to talk to your fiance about it and set boundaries with mother in law before you get married and before her behavior worsens.
Just make a comment about things she can’t do for him that you can the more shocking the better lol
I’m petty. Drop off his laundry, tell her his house needs cleaning. That his groceries need picking up. Let her take care of that baby boy. He needs a DD I’m sure she’ll be there. Don’t forget to call her in the middle of the night when it seems like he’s having a nightmare. She’ll get the message eventually and he will too. Lol
Ya that’s completely innapropriate. You need to set boundaries and be clear that she needs to know her place and stick to them.
Idk this is normal to some and out of line to some. Mom needs to realize that’s her son and not her boyfriend.
Either speak up for your self to your spouse and have him handle it. Or start making little smart ass comments back and live with it. 
but no, I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling how you do. You’re nicer than me. Lol
You should talk to him about it, if he doesn’t see a problem leave him!
They are sleeping together
I don’t think you’re in the wrong. I think she’s having a hard time with seeing her “little boy” move onto the next steps of his life. I would give it some time if the engagement is on the newer side, if it’s been awhile then try bringing it up to your fiancé and see what he has to say about it. Explain to him you don’t want to cause any drama but you’re feelings are legit and you don’t know how to go about dealing with your soon to be in laws. Good luck hun!
Sounds just like my xMIL….start putting boundaries rt now… if you plan to have kids… buckle up bc she will try to be tht babies mom… BELIEVE ME….
What is your fiance doing when she does this? If he isn’t sticking up for you thats really messed up. But he should be the one to talk to her to tone it down a bit. You’re definitely not overreacting
Put her in her place. Sounds childish lol like mommy’s jealous kinda creepy… 
I’m thankful to have a wonderful mother in law! She lets her kids live their lives and is there anytime we need her.
But if I were you I’d say something now and set your boundaries because it will only will get worse if you brush it off. You get married and have kids and she going to barge in try to tell you how to parent; or constantly go against your rules as a parent. Stop it now!
Have you watched the show called “I love a mommas boy?” She sounds like some of those moms watch it if you haven’t…
I could never deal with that shit.
Once a mommas boy, “always” a mommas boy. Be sure you want to live like that. it will NEVER change. FACT.!!!
There are a lot of Mom’s like this sadly… You can try to have a respectful conversation with her, but she may never fully accept you. Sounds like she thinks no one will ever be good enough for her son.
Ewe fuck that:face_vomiting: sorry girl! Hope things get better for ya!
Step up now, or forever hold your peace.
Just so you know it’s not gonna get any better it’s probably gonna get worse when you have children
Watch “I married a mamas boy” on TLC and then make your decision. But no, you aren’t overreacting.
Your not loosing your mind but having a son I know for a fact when the day comes he does get married I will be in the mix making sure she’s treating my son right. I will make sure she’s making meals the way he needs after a surgery. I may not stay as long but I definitely would be popping in.
As far as the food for a family dinner. Next time, I would just make it where everyone brings a dish. There’s ways to go around her “pettiness”.
I’d be like hey lady… That’s MY husband, not yours, so go get you your own 
he married you not her for a reason so obviously your cooking was on point as he stayed
She is the true definition of monster in law
Boundaries
Use and apply them
To your future MIL and to your fiance
Monster in law.
Gotta put your foot down and set some boundaries.
Maybe you can talk with the mom about how she’s making you feel and reassure her that you want to be the best wife you can be and ask her how to take care of him when he’s sick and get recipes on his favorite meal. That way she knows you are trying and wanting to be there for him and she can hopefully let go of her boy a little at a time.
The way I see it, if he chooses you, he chooses you, he should’ve stopped the comment at the table and you should’ve never been in that position…its not what happens outside the relation babe, its how yall conquer the world together…and he ain’t defending you…he never will.
You should talk to him NOW! If boundaries aren’t set then this will be your life.
Set those boundaries. Be as kind as possible, but set them… and he needs to help enforce those boundaries.
You gotta do some boundary making girl, or you’re just dirt she can walk all over. And he, he has to recognize this too.
First off…U shuda Put her in her place wen she said tht about tha food!!!
You absolutely should talk to him about it. My husband’s mom was overbearing like that when we first got together but I was quick to set boundaries. Either he’s going to be married to his mommy or to you but not both. Make your demands!
No. You’re not overreacting. She is testing your limits. If you let it slide now, you are in for a world of pain, and a shitty future ahead.
I’d kill her with kindness! Agree with her it’ll piss her off more lol
You are not overreacting at all. Set boundaries now!
Maybe it is time to have a talk with her!
So you’re living in the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond…?
Not overreacting. She has issues. Why are some moms like this. It’s goss. Set boundaries!
She loves her son. You should appreciate her and appreciate a good joke. She likes to be involved and helps. Remember, she is his mom. Us moms have a hard time cutting g the cord per say from our son’s. We have taken care of their every need for decades before they marry. I ask what I can do to help etc. Find some patience. Maybe you were not raised with a mom like her but believe me once you have children you will appreciate her more.
Honey your fiancé needs to step up and speak for you. I had to do the same thing!!! She sounds like a real piece of work. I’m sorry you’re going through this
I feel like you truly want someone to say you’re overreacting so I will. Even though I dont thknk you are lol
Not over reacting. Communicate with your partner let him know about your feelings. He could offer a way to politely deal with his mum, like if you have a dinner party again and she shows up with food he, could communicate with his mum and set boundaries like saying ‘no we won’t serve your food as we have made enough for everyone’.
Just before going to her communicate with your partner as it’s his mum and he could have a chat with her.
Sounds like she’s going through a period of insecurity/fear of losing her connection with him… Talk to your partner about it, so that he can talk to her and put her mind to rest… I wouldn’t hide it from him and let it spiral.
I don’t think this has anything to do with you, she would act like this about anybody with her son. It sounds like your dude needs to set some boundaries with his mom.
I had a similar situation with an ex. His mom got mad when he proposed and said she should have gotten a ring first . I should have ran then, but instead I stayed two more years. Turns out they both became very abusive to me both mentally and physically. Watch for any emotional abuse. She also use to say spouses can be replaced but you can never replace ur mother…
Sounds like you guys need to be on I love mama’s boy the TV show. Tell her to cut the cord
If she would have said that at MY DINNER, in my home, I would have made her leave. Lol. Fuck that.
The comment at dinner was absolutely rude. Your husband should have addressed it. Did you talk to him about the comment?
Well you can look at it one of two ways… One day she will be gone. And you won’t have to worry about it. Two she will out live you and put you thru hell every step of the way. I mean she has had to of been doing this kind of thing for the last 5yrs already. You’ve put up with it for this long…
If you cant confront this now then you are in for a world of misery. Whatever he says now in response will show you if you need to run far away.
He better squash that shit quick.
Time to cut the cord good lord:woman_facepalming:
that woman is toxic and believe me it will never stop
I would get with your nf6and talk it over. If he agrees then have m over and you both talk to her. If he could be your husband he’s going to be leaving her and you become one. Get it straight now before you have a lifetime of hell.
I’m a mil to several girls, I see them as my daughters.
If they invited me to dinner I’d ask what I could bring, if they say nothing I’d enjoy a night off of cooking.
she needs put in her place or this will go on after you are married.
2 ways to go about it. Allow it to continue and keep the peace, or speak up and let Mil tell you you’re crazy and make even more comments lol.
Speaking from experience, she will NEVER change and it’ll only get worse before it gets better. My ex husband’s mom did similar stuff and I went thru it for 23 years. I did take care of her though, the last 2 years of her life. I just spoke my mind whenever she did annoying crud. We had a few arguments throughout the years and she was a smoker so when i had my babies she’d get mad that I didn’t want her holding her grand babies unless she washed her hands and changed her clothes. I’d be speaking up now or she’ll continue to do it, you have to set solid boundaries.
Sorry you are experiencing this…set boundaries. If your fiancé loves you he will listen. If he gets upset over your need for boundaries before you are even married, that should be an eye opener. Marriage will NOT fix this
Ummm my fiancé had better of told his mom to take her dinner back home because she knew you were cooking. That comment was ugly. You’re not overreacting, considering you haven’t reacted yet. I’d discuss it with your fiancé and let him know how you feel. He can’t step in if he doesn’t see it himself and maybe the discussion will open his eyes to future comments.
I’d mention it to my fiance. I know it’s annoying to have her stepping on your toes. However, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say anything and then there be friction. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. I would just handle it in a way that would probably appease her like asking her to show you how she cooks something and if she wants to come sit w him while hurt then cool…you can tend to other things.
Your fiancé needs to grow a pair and set some boundaries……or his mother will continue to be an issue. She is extremely disrespectful to him and you!
Distance is the best policy
Set boundaries now or it will be like this forever and only get worse.
Tell your her mom to marry him or leave
No problem here. If she doesn’t want to sit down and talk to her future husband about boundaries and respect for their future spouse then nothing we can say will be relevant.
All I’m thinking is you are missing your opportunity to take a vacation…start “expecting” her to bring dinner and do things for your husband and use that time for you and him to spend time together or for you to have some me time…she’ll get tired of it once it becomes expected. Right now it is a competition to her, and she’ll be none the wiser that you are basically playing with her.
True definition of monster in law. Trust me I have one myself 
it took a couple rude comments from my husband’s mother before he finally snapped on her. She was bad about comparing me to his ex wife on everything and when it came to cooking she would tell us she doesn’t eat it like that, that’s not how it’s made. Finally my husband had enough and told her to shut up. That he was with me and nothing she said would change that and if she didn’t like it she could stay away. I guess it worked because she hardly comes around anyways
She’s overstepping, way over. And being disrespectful to say the least.
You need to tell her to back off. And if she doesn’t, then he needs to echo your words as well.
I would talk to your fiancé and if says don’t worry about it, consider long and hard how long you’ll put up with this. This may be the beginning of something you can either put a foot down now or you can leave
He can put his mom in her place or you should leave because it won’t get better I promise you it gets so much worse
Watch the show I love a mama’s boy on TLC. I’ve seen clips of it and what you are describing sounds like their mom’s. You need to set boundaries and have him do the same. If you don’t, you will end up not engaged or married if you make it that far.
She’s in love with her son and is jealous of you. It’s sad.
Not overreacting.
You can already see the beginning of what’s to come girl.
That said, you must have a one on one convo with your fiancé now before you two get married.
I’m hoping that he will respectfully let momma know that there has to be boundaries now although he loves her and will always need her in some way. He needs to establish that you are going to be his wife and that means your role will be very present with and for him and she needs to respect that and respect you.
Good luck hon!
I use to.do.alot for my son and daughter in law,with my 2 granddaughters, but not as much anymore,it’s not my place to do all that. He is a grown man,and making his own life and family. If they need me,they.know Iam here!
Nope. She’s being a B. That’s not ok
You deserve some peace too. I would talk to my fiance and explain you will say something if it continues or he can do it since it is his mother.
Speak now, or forever hold your peace!
This is about to be your life. I would address it with your fiancé first and see what his reaction is. Hopefully, his reaction is to acknowledge how you feel and side with you. But if it’s not, you’re gonna have a marriage full of issues. Speak up now, set boundaries with her.
At least she doesn’t come over and do his laundry while you’re at work. My grandmother did that for years and it infuriated my mom 
You’re definitely not overreacting. Unfortunately some mother-in-law’s are a nightmare. I understand as a parent that it’s still their baby, but you should want their partner to take good care of your kid.
Definitely talk to your fiance about it, because it will only get worse.
Definitely not overreacting. You have a voice say something! Don’t stay quiet about it!
nah she’s overstepping… speaking from experience, these men can’t see that their mom is doing anything wrong but i would still try to talk to him about it anyway
You better speak up now and check her ass.
Girl! Forget about everyone feelings. I’m petty to so I’ll bring his momma to the house and tell her to do everything. Your fiancé needs to stop the madness. I remembered my ex husband had an motorcycle accident, everyone rushed to the hospital, we were in the middle of our divorce, he called me first and I met him at the hospital (even tho we were having an ugly divorce), his family went inside the room, I was there to and I walked away to allow his family to be there for him. He was a lil bit conscious, and he told everyone to leave because he wants me to take care of him, he was asking about me.
His family was like 
, including his mother. I stood there, helped during that time and later we continued with our ugly divorce… crazy right!
All I’m saying your fiancé needs to stop being a mommas boy. You need to set boundaries and she needs to respect you as his future wife. She is just jealous. But I’m going to be honest, those long engagement, don’t last once they get marry. His mom is going to be your nightmare.
she’s a butthole. don’t marry, i used to tell myself i’m marrying my husband not the family. if your fiance doesn’t protect you now or set boundaries he unlikely ever will. needless to say i’m divorced and 1000000% happier.
If u don’t speak up tings won’t change.
Talk to your fiancé about your feelings and then invite her over and let her know that you both are done with her antics and if she can’t abide by it then she may stay away.
Let her cook, clean and wipe his hiney! Then comment on how it just isn’t quite up to par. Two can play the game.
Gonna sound crazy but he’s already married…To his mother…smh
It is better to speak up now and set boundaries before you guys get married.