Personally don’t see why your personal life is funny to some. I know many long term couples who are not married but are fully committed to each other.
Anxiety comes in many forms and is classed as a disability. Possibly she’s not able to work but could be helping her mother round the house and should be collecting disability benefits.
No you shouldn’t be pressuring her to find work as that may make her anxiety worse but neither should you be responsible for her life after her mother passes …obviously would be nice to keep an eye on her as your boyfriends family to make sure she’s managing alone but social services should be more involved than you .
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All you can do is make it very clear to your significant other that you are not and will never be on board with taking care of his sister. Leave it at that and ignore her poor choices.
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You need to make it clear to her that you will not be taking care of her and Daughter needs to be making plans on how to support herself. There are jobs that needs no diplomas.
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I would discuss very clearly my point to my significant other. You will not provide and enable his sister if/when something happens to his mom. Then simply leave it alone. Unfortunately and sadly, she will either do something about her situation. Or she will learn the hard way. Doing without! If and when something happens to her enabling mother. Much peace and love ☆
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I would tell your boyfriend that under no circumstances will the sister move in with you. everyone has anxiety to some degree
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Y’all understand some people don’t want to get married since some are focusing so hard on that part??
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Anxiety is real! Have her go yo the doctor. She can get social security if it’s that bad. Be kind please
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I wouldn’t say anything. It’s not your place. Just don’t take her in when something happens to the mom. End of story. You’re making it about you and trying to force someone to do something they clearly have no interest in doing. Just drop it. Make it known to your husband you aren’t going to take her in. End of story. Quit trying to “fix” her it’s not going to help anything.
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Lmao mind your own business.
it’s not your life. If there EVER Comes a time when you know for sure your gonna have to financially support her then you say something. What rock and hard place she’s not even asking you for shit
Say it to ur bf/hubby not the mom. That’s a discussion for them
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If she legit has a mental illness she may be eligible for SSI. Just a thought…
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You better put your foot down someplace no I wouldn’t take her on and why are you still just a girlfriend?
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It is your boyfriend’s choice whether or not he is going to care for his sister. If the two of you should marry, you need to have that discussion before hand and make your opinion clear. Otherwise, it is up to him.
Can she qualify for SS disability? Can she go to school online, work online?
She should try gettn disability if she that bad off-take care of ur grown ass
You don’t mention if the sister gets any sort of medical help or support payments?.. You said your boyfriend says nothing have you talked to him about this?, how dose he feel?. Dose he plan on moving the sister in or in with the sister when the mother does pass?. These are the things you need to ask and find out… As for how you feel about it, you have every right to be concern, but I would be finding out if it’s medical bu a doctor or just plan laziness first and be talking with your boyfriend to see what his feelings are so your not blindsided in the end.
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Take care of you and your life. BF and you need to talk and make a firm decision based on medical facts not fiction
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Your BF and you have been together 20 yrs and you aren’t married? It’s NOT your place to say NO we aren’t taking care of her. That’s his sister. If he chooses to take care of her that’s his decision NOT yours since you are simply a GF NOT a wife.
Why isn’t your boyfriend speaking up? They’re his family.
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I get wanting to make someone “do something”, but when it’s your famkly sometimes it’s easier said than done. He will most likely take her in- so if it’s a concern, you better talk it out cause it’s a battle you’re most likely not going to win. Especially if he hasnt been specifically discussed
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None of your business. Leave her alone if you can’t find away to love her as she is at least keep your contempt to yourself. Ask yourself why this bothers you and what are you avoiding in your own life?
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And none if your business
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You could just mind your business…
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I hope the sister is on a reliable birth control. No one needs her to turn up pregnant!!
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Say nothing she is nit your responsibility nor your problem. Discuss with your boyfriend about how you don’t feel that it’s fair to take care of an adult just bc they’re too lazy to get even a part time job. Tell him if something happens to his mom that it’ll most likely be bc she has worked so hard taking care of his sister while she does nothing at all except go out to eat an party with friends. Outside of that let it be bc she will only have herself to blame when their mom is gone an she has no support.
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It can be super hard to be that kind of caring person but it also not really be your place, but if you’ve been in that family for 20 years then I think you absolutely have the right to be concerned and speaking up about this, and regardless, screw the whole it’s not your place thing, just don’t cross any moral lines, people need to be more appreciative of others tough love these days
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If it comes to it, say no and mean it. She can fall on her face🤷🏽♀️ as someone who has anxiety, it’s hard for me to eat out and go to concerts. I still had a job bc my mom was definitely not an option😂
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Simply tell her when her mom passed away, she won’t be staying with you bc you don’t take care of grown adults.
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Straight tell her you’re not taking care of her daughter. Period
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Or, you could just take care of yourself and not worry about it 
I’d offer help to the mother before her anyway.
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Some family’s are like that shes not joking when she says her brother will have to take care and your right you won’t want that it will be like another kid to look after id be nailing this in the butt Now
But like the mom said if something happens to her they will have to take care of her, so yes it is her business she can tell her husband and ML now no we will not she better start or learns how to take care of herself .
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She told her son he would have to take care of her. Does he work? If she has high anxiety why would you want her to care for your son? You & he are not married so really your not part of the family so just care for your son & yourself.
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This is a very sad situation. First of all you are not married so the mother takes no stock in what you have to say. And about taking care of his sister, no way should you or should anyone. She is capable of taking care of herself. If things don’t get better, you may have to bow out of this situation. Next time be sure you get married so you have recourse.
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Not your problem
It’s her mothers
Hoping nothing happens to mom but if it does take care of your life.
I say this cause my son has been this way and I enabled him
I don’t do that anymore.
I love him but I hurt him more trying to help.
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Who do you think you are .is it because she won’t watch your son while you work won’t take up your offer of watching your boy in exchange for her schooling that she don’t want to do . Anxiety is awful my 16yr old daughter has it and also dropped out of school they need family support not judging and yes my girl will go to certain outings but not often
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Um, that grown ass woman is not your problem! Your boyfriend needs to speak up now, before his mother leaves his sister to him in the will!
I can already tell you that if he’s on the same page as his mother when it comes to taking care of his sister after she’s gone, it’s going to cause major problems in your relationship. I’d be making it clear now that the sister is not and will not be your problem. Do you have any idea how many people function daily with anxiety? Hold down a job, raise a family and pay their bills? Every single woman on this page has some form of anxiety, but we’re all still functional! Put your foot down now or be prepared!
None of your business until she shows up on your doorstep and then that’s when you can put in your two cents, not your money or your house right now.
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Not really. I see his mother worked you. She set your “anxiety” off bc you’re the one worrying now, pull it together and just keep building your life. Don’t worry about what she said or says. Cross that bridge when the time comes.
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I would tell her I don’t intend to take care of a grown woman end of story
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this girl has to go see a doctor and see if she really has anxiety , and if she does the doctor will put her on medication - it may take a couple of weeks to get use to the pill but it will help! this way than the sister can go out get a lob and support herself without being babied by her own mother . right now the sister does need some support from the family to go see a doctor ! if sister still don’t want to get job , she can go on welfare and be a welfare bum and sit on butt and do nothing - but u yourself must demand that she pays and help out with food ,that’s if she wants sit on butt all day !
I would be up front and honest with the mother and your boyfriend You will not be looking after an adult when you know she is quite capable to be looking after herself. Does she get the disability pension if not she can work. They need to seriously start getting her ready for when the mother is no longer around to be looking after her. You have your son to be looking after plus working I think it unfair they put this on you. I am also thinking your boyfriend may feel the same way. Have a chat with him and see if you on the same wave length.
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Yea worry about yourself and not the sister in law … the sister in law can figure shit out
It shouldn’t be your problem! She needs to grow her ass up! Tough love!
You are right, it is not your place!
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Don’t worry about it and when the time comes, tell her se can’t live with you
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Talk to your bf and explain your feelings to him then go from there.
Don’t worry about…not your monkey not your circus…
Next time she brings it up just simply state we will not be taking in a grown woman so is capable of working. If she brings up the excuses again tell her to take her brown daughter to the dr. If they deem she can’t work she will be out on disability
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Not ur biz. But I would make it 100 % clear now to ur bf that u won’t be taking care of her when the mom passes
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Do not take care of her
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Keep him as your boyfriend so you can walk when she comes to live with you.
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Mind your own business but make it clear you and her brother will NOT have her living with you at any time
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Her mother is the issue obviously enabling it so she obviously gets something out of it maybe its company or a sense of purpose? You don’t have to look after her it may even push her out into the work force if something ever happened to her mother. Getting mad over something that isn’t really your business
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A lot of that generation is exactly like that. I have a nephew through marriage that lives with my FIL (his grandfather). His mother could careless and his father is in jail. We sat down with my FIL last year when he was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer and told him this kid needs to step up. We told him we will not be taking care of him if God forbid anything happened to him so he needed to start making him do something or he’s going to have to live with his mother. We refuse to take responsibility for someone who knows it all and does nothing for himself. He’s an adult so he’ll have to learn the hard way what it is to adult. Be honest and stand your ground the next time it’s mentioned and if nothing comes of it as far as the sister working and doing for herself then sometimes you just gotta let the cards fall where they fall. You can’t help anyone not willing to help themselves.
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Better to mind your own business and stay close to family
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So you offered to pay a few hundred bucks to her to watch your kids while you work? For how long? A week is what it sounds like it’s worth.
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She will beable to go on social services. She could also get her GED & be paid by the govt to do it. These people that live off others - - karma will deal with them.
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How bout it’s non of your business!!! Just don’t help anyone!!! Focus on your life…no one else!!!
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You should decide with your boyfriend to be sure he agrees with you. Then you should make it clear to his mother that you are not taking her in. She should make other living arrangements for her. Maybe another relative or some kind of group home if she is unable to care for herself.
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Just like it’s not your business now make sure it’s not your business later tell them to keep that same energy.
Her problem. Not yours. She should have set her up with community living and knew she would be good after she’s gone . Thats not your job.
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I would not get involved! She never got out from under her mamas wing watch out what you say n do Blood is thicker than water! You may think your boyfriend don’t care
For those saying it’s not her business, it is!!! Her boyfriend’s decisions including financial ones impact on her life too. They have been together for 20 years.
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100 Dentists took a survey. ALL of them agreed minding your own business was best for the structural health of your teeth.
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No one said you have to care for her. Let her figure it out, she is an adult either she gets a job or some type of disability either way it’s not your problem to deal with.
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None of your business. It only becomes your business if momma passes and your boy friend takes her in. She may qualify for SSI.Even if she can go places at times she may truly be disabled. May be you need to suggest to her mom to have her tested go see. I have a family member who was like that. Turned out she was totally disabled and put on SSI
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Together for 20 years, y’all are married!
And I wouldn’t take care of her either, so yea I would tell him that’s his sisters problem when that time comes. You have to grow up sometime. 
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I’d tell her flat out:
You will NOT live with us. So, your better get a job. Go into therapy. Start an OF… Something. Your disrespectful free ride ends. 
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I wouldn’t leave a child of mine in the care of a lazy person.
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She needs to get an official diagnoses for her anxiety. She could get SSI for it. Btw anxiety has nothing to do with going to a bar or concert 
. It sounds like you just don’t like her so you’re invalidating her. She doesn’t need you. She needs someone who will help her whatever is going on. I hope someone steps up to help her instead of dishing out hate.
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it is not up to you to do anything for or with this girl. her mother needs to make her get off her butt and do something with her life
Worry about you’re own life
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Interesting that the mother wasn’t part of her sons life and now she conveniently expects him to take responsibility for her daughter for the rest of his life.
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If you plan to spend the rest of your life with this man, you need to make sure you’re both on the same page on this, if you feel so strongly about it. Judging by your post, you sound like the one who wears the pants in the relationship, which typically means he is attracted to strong women, so his mother is probably a strong woman, and this will come down to what you or his mom wants eventually, and he will either side with her, or he won’t side with anyone, and there will be hurt feelings one way or another. Just saying, evaluate your situation and what you want for your future now.
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I agree she needs to grow up and live her life and you guys should not be expected to take care of her like that and yes she can get a job at 25 I went back and got my diploma and I work you and your boyfriend have a right to live your guys life together and you have every right to say something cause no one eles has the guts to say what needs to be said
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Keep people where you find them. I realize you want the best but she is not your responsibility.
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Her problem, she should not be a burden to others.
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I’d say your not married after 20yrs together, sounds like the whole family has a problem being accountable!!! Run!!!
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Actually anxiety can be bad enough to stop you working stop invalidating peoples mental health, I used to suffer extreme anxiety and occasional I could go out but it took days and weeks of preparation to go out and sometimes days to be ok after I had been out, I was also medicated and in therapy so it was incredibly hurtful when people would roll their eyes and try and tried to make me look lazy like you are doing 
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U need to say something to ur man or and his mom i didn’t marry the whole family u only married him n that no u will not take care of his sister She better hurry up m marry someone crazy but rich out there. To care for her…js
U are right not ur place. Plus ur not even married to him
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I couldn’t get passed my boyfriend and I have been together for 20 years🤷🏽♀️
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NOT YOUR LIFE DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BUSINESS instead of worrying about her you should be worried why you’re just a gf after 20 years 
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Wayment 
Dating for 20 years?? Is that a typo? Because how old are you and you don’t know how to mind your own business? 30’s…40’s?
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Anxiety can actually be chronic in some people, you can’t make her do something she doesn’t wanna do. If the mum passes then she’ll probably step up and have to work but until then, chill
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Stay in your own lane
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Gods! When did we all get so weak and reliant.
Mom is enabling sister’s bad behavior. Mom is guilting son into taking on the enabling, after the fact.
Stop mom’s guilting, first. Don’t feel responsible for mom or sister. Then, make it clear to sis, she needs to do something with her life. She has got to do more than lie around and wait to be swept off her feet by a rich prince. Let mom know you refuse to be guilted into taking care of sis when you have your own life - potentially taking care of young children! Not able adults! Then, encourage mom to start pushing sis out of the nest.
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To all those commenting on the 20 years wtf? I’ve known ppl being together 50 years and never married and it didnt change a thing, its a preference… and you have the hide to say “mind ya own” in the same breath please! Well i wouldnt take care of her simple. I didnt give birth to her, if she is that old and hasnt gotten help thats on her. She can go to a home or something for ppl with mental conditions. No thanks to that! Talk to your partner and tell him where you stand on it. Get his perspective and go from there.
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It affects you whether you get involved or not. There’s,no way you’ll as a couple will end up supporting lazy sister
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67 is young, she probably has a good 20 years to go,
Be glad you aren’t married, you aren’t between a hard place and rick if u don’t let yourself be in that. position.
You will find out how much backbone this BF has, if not, look for a bf that loves u enough to marry you and knows how to handle adult situations. Yes, best to stay out of your bf’s family business. Did he ask for your advice?
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If she plans on leaving her adult child with you after she passes, then I think you do have a say.
If she’s claiming anxiety is why she can’t do ANYTHING talk to the mother about getting her into a therapist and as many cognitive behavioural programs as possible…start working on getting her “Well” so eventually she can support herself…if she can go out to Concerts n stuff, she can get off her butt n go to these programs so she can eventually help n care for herself at the bare minimum… maybe eventually do her part and take care of her mother when needed and support them if it ever comes to that.
It is your place to make your sister-in-law (and your boyfriend) aware that you will NOT be supporting her after her mother is gone. Period. Other than that, keep your opinions to yourself.
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if she can not work, she then needs something from a professional stating that. or even try to get disability.
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Make it clear if mom dies she is on her own
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Anxiety is real but their are medications and therapy. Talk to your bf, does he expect to take his sister in because you might not be on the same page. His mom should know what you guys are thinking. Could she work from home?
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Anxiety is real, but shouldn’t be that crippling. I’m personally thinking more of you and your boyfriend. 20 years and he’s still just a boyfriend?
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