What fear or trauma have you experienced personally that you feel the need to “control” her so much? Kids lie. It’s up to the parents to guide them in honest and compassionate conversations about how their decisions effect themselves and others. I understand times have changed and I understand each parent has their own rules… there are several options with parental controls on cell phones to allow her some social freedom. I’m sure she just wants to fit in with her friends and stay connected.
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Well that explains it , you are way to strict mama .
You’re daughter cannot come to you for anything , she doesn’t feel safe or comfortable to tell you , she knows you wont listen and is afraid of you being more in control of her .
Let her breathe a little, shes a kid , I’m sure you’ve had fair share of lies as a teenager yourself growing up .
Taking away social media isnt going to do the job the way you want , you are just adding more fire .
Show her you’re there for her, she needs that from you .
She needs you more than what you think but you are literally pushing her away every single time
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All these parents saying you’re too strict. Or too controlling… 
you know your child best. And you raise them the way you think is best. Obviously this isn’t a full picture of how you parent. My parents had the same rules. And- also- you can never be too safe with all the predators out there, being strict is the best way to keep your child safe. Geez people.
Keep her phone. Find a way to use parental controls. My parents just straight up ground me. That worked too
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I used to lie about everything until I realized that lying is so hard to keep up with and makes life 10x harder. After I realized that I rarely ever lie about anything.
As for her, I agree with the moms above. You sound like you love your kids and want what’s best for them. If you lighten up a little bit you might see some changes and even have a better relationship with your kids.
Welcome to the teenage years good luck they all do it
I was in your shoes, I took the “advice” to lighten up and it was the worst thing I ever did! Lightening up once led to one thing after another. The lies never stopped.
She’s 16 now and has told REALLY big lies that have involved the police and DFCS.
These specific lies were because she was over an hour late getting home from work and chose not to answer, call or text me. I took her cell phone for 1 week. She wasn’t having it and started all sorts of trouble.
My 11 year old is perfect (so far). We are structured with her and she respects our rules and boundaries. She is happy and safe with the rules in place.
I say this because each child is different. Each child needs a different style of parenting. This is your child and you know her best.
Sending many hugs and prayers for you.
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My 14 year old was lying consistently. She is in the process of writing 5000 sentences about lying 
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Stop being so controlling, she wants to be a normal teenager and you are in the way of this, being normal is way more important than pleasing you at this age. You nedd to let go a little and trust in what you have taught her so far, to make the right choices.
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The lying is happening because she cannot be honest with you.
I understand why you don’t want your kids on social media, but they’re going to find a way. I know it’s not ideal for a teenager to have a boyfriend, but they’re going to do it.
You can either be a part of it or be an outcast while they rebel. The difference is how you as a parent respond to the situation. It’s not as easy to keep them in a box as it was when we were little.
Your to strict. Sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. You say she’s to young but many people at that age let their 13 year old watch other children. Maybe allow her to have the social media but you monitor the phone. At this age they lie especially when they don’t see why they can’t have something like the rest of their friends. If you dont get your self under control you will loose your daughter.
I disagree with a majority of these comments. Maybe you are a strict parent…I dont think there is anything wrong with that. I grew up in a very strict house and I grew up to be thankful of those choices my mom made. Didn’t like it or understand them at the time but now as a mother I get it. The world keeps getting more and more fucked up and we need to do what we feel is going to keep our kids safe.
Being a teenager is HARD. As parents we seem to forget that. I would really try just opening up more communication with her.
Explain WHY her lying is bothersome and how as a grown up lies have bigger consequences then getting a phone taken away.
You know your child better then any of us. You keep doing what you feel is right.
Keep your chin up mama. 
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You have to let her be a teenager, the more you restrict her the more she will want to do it, you have given her no trust, so now she’s gonna lie about everything because she knows you will be pissed.
Sooo many people here saying you are too strict and controlling. Sigh.
Ordinarily I wouldn’t comment on posts like this - but I feel I have to.
Take the electronics away. All these mamas saying it’s just social media - the largest rate for female teen suicide is between the ages of 12-14 with a direct correlation to the introduction of social media.
Watch the social dilemma. It’s sickening.
Social media will not happen for my daughter until
She is 16 on r 17. Too bad so sad.
You unfortunately cannot control the devices of those she is around. Maybe sit down with her and watch the social dilemma together. Have a sit down time and hear her concerns and try to come to a fair compromise that doesn’t violate the rules and also keeps her safe. You can still parent, but start include the kids a little in how things are going to go.
So you say no dating until 16 - what about going to a movie as a large group?
Compromise. Your job is to teach them to be responsible members of society. When they are on their own - no one is going to make the decisions for them. I do agree that she needs to feel like she has some control, but I firmly believe you can find a compromise with her that Both sides feel good about.
But absolutely watch the Social dilemma.
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You being so strict on her is gonna cause her to rebel. Why don’t you let her use it with restrictions? Times have changed and being 16 to have certain apps and date is kinda crazy…
Every time she lies she gets a consequence trust me if she’s in her teens she’s gonna want to hang out with her friends are used her cell phone give her a strick consequence every time she lies the end
My younger daughter is 12 and has Snap and Tiktok. I monitor them regularly as well as her text messages. She’s a great kid and we are very close. You have to give them some freedom, especially in that middle school stage where friendships and personalities can change so fast because they’re trying to figure out where they belong.
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You’re the reason she’s lying so much!!! Look at yourself
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This is where the lying started from… Restrictions… If I was your daughter I’d probably be doing the same thing because I wouldn’t look at you as my parent but more as my keeper, my warden… I understand the principle of why your doing it but… Your child who is trying to be a child in THIS GENERATION NOT YOURS your making them feel socially outcastes & like they did something wrong… Rebelling is natural but creating a liar is not…
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first of all, I am sorry. All her friends most likely have this, so she also has to. Second, you texted her while at school??? Why? It won’t change anything from that time to when she gets home. Yes, I understand you were pissed, but this is something that she shouldn’t have this hanging over her while in school !!! As for her dating, sorry, that is very normal for a girl to start getting interesting & noticing boy, that is normal. So this isn’t going to change, sorry, Have the boy came to your house & that is where they can be together. Maybe have a little party for her & her friends, kind of leave them by themselves with some limitations, No one can leave the house & if they do, they can’t come back, And let the parents be aware of this & call them if their kid leaves. Again, this is normal, She will like boys & that is not going to stop But, sit her down & give her some of these choices. Talk to her, really talk to her & don’t text her at school !!! That was really stupid. You were right to take away her phone, but she did find another way to get around that,!! Take her phone away at nighttime at a certain time, so she is not on it all night. But again, she does like boys/has a boyfriend & that isn’t going to change, so met him, let them hang out at your house. Invite him to dinner, Maybe this will help & some things just might change…hopefully
Your daughter needs to feel safe coming to you. Maybe she feels she has to lie because you have such a tight rein on her. She needs room to be a kid. I agree with the social media and stuff 100%, but with that said, it’s 2021 and that’s how kids communicate nowadays. Give her a little room to spread her wings and show her that even if she falls you’ll be there to pick her up. Parenting isn’t about control, it’s about guidance. Choose your battles better
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she wouldn’t be lying to you if you would allow her to be a teenager & open the line of communication between the 2 of you. you sound like a drill sargent and quite frankly i can’t say i blame her. needless to say she’s rebellious and u need to lighten up a little bit.
my daughter is 13-but our line of communication is open & she tells me everything. i do go thru the social media apps and texts to monitor what’s going on. i also allow male & female friends at my home .
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Stop with the obsessive rules… you need to be more open with her and communicate not just expect her to be a little angel cause you took the “scary” stuff away. She’s a teenager and I promise she’ll find a way, and if you want that way to include you then I’d cut back on all the absolute no’s.
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My parents were strict which made me rebel so hard and lie about every single thing! If you give into it but have some type of control over her accounts there is ways to do that and monitor her without her knowing then you can see what she really does behind closed doors and know if you can trust her.
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Honestly as much as your daughter needs to compromise I think you do too, completely understand you protecting your child of course and I totally understand no boyfriend ect but you can check her phone you can get snap maybe creating your own account so you can watch her uploads. I’d honestly sit down with her and try and come to a mutual understanding. You could find use both might bond throughout it also Xx
Your are doing an amazing job mummy. But I would like you to adjust your generation meter. What worked for your mum bringing u up won’t work for u as your bring your kids to adulthood. Why. Because everything is online. Best u can do is monitor her and tell her what she can and not be doing on these apps. She will continue to hide everything to the point that when u find out it will kill u. Sit her down and assure her u won’t get mad but would like to have an honest talk with u to see how best we can work together.
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I find kids and teens tend to lie more when they feel they can’t tell you what they want without fear of anger coming from us as parents. I have always been open with my children and at times when they have done things they shouldn’t I remained poised but firm and talked about things as though it was just another conversation…no yelling involved and I have found now that they are more open and come to with questions about all sorts of things before they want to do or try anything. Kids need to experience things in life to learn…whatever it may be…if their choice to do anything is taken away I find they tend to rebel more. They won’t always choose what you want but they are not us and all we can do is hope they learn from whatever it is they do or get into.
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I hate lying!! But I think she is sneaking because you’re so up tight…I don’t mean that in a bad way but the less unwound I became the closer my kids and I are… they tell me damn near everything, good, bad, without judgment. Yes I do still take electronics and such away when needed… but you don’t want them to be scared to come to you!
This isn’t the 1990s anymore. Restricting your kids from technology is impossible. You should set boundaries, not restrictions. She lying to you because she doesn’t trust you and she doesn’t want to get into trouble for telling you the truth. Teenagers lie, it’s all they do. That’s all we did as kids, even if it’s a little white lie. You took her phone away, which seems fitting, but she’s going to get it back eventually and be right back on social media with her friends. You need a better approach.
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Stop making life so difficult for her and she wouldn’t feel the need to lie to you
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I think some of the expectations others are doing, doesn’t means it is the right thing for your daughter. Ask her why she feels the need to not be honest and then take it to heart and redirect your own parenting, if needed. Sometimes the influence of friends heavily outweighs the parent’s rules. Guide her and continue to instill in her that integrity is everything and builds character. Maybe as the bridge of trust is rebuilt you can reconsider some things that you can still have some controls over as a parent. (This is not saying give in to her about the social media until you think she is mature enough to be a part of it). As far as the boyfriend … I would not discourage but think of a way that works for your home. Maybe get to know the boy. Meet the parents and be a little more involved in her circle of friends. (Not overly bothersome but learn who she is hanging with). But, remind her that being honest on all topics will get her further than if you catch her in lies.
In a way I see why she’s lying you have sooo many rules most kids her age don’t so of course when she does something she’s gonna lie about it she’s 16 and deserves some growing room nothing wrong with social media and even dating at that age telling them no makes them want it more and honestly this is how teen moms are made🤷🏻♀️
I wouldnt even let my two children have a phone till they have their own job. Technology is destroying our society if anyone thinks of it otherwise. Its time to see what friends shes around that are teacher her to lie. Kids do not know reality well at all.
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Punish her whoop,her ass
Wow, all these comments blaming you, I’m sorry. My daughter is 16 and still not allowed to date. I’ve given her social media but she won’t act right. I want way more for my daughter than what this generation is allowing for their children. Now granted it took a few years for her to stop so much lying about everything but we are extremely close and she can come to me with anything. We talk stuff out and instead of getting really mad when she disappoints I calmly talk it out with her.
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Maybeeeee… you’re not as tolerant and patient as you think. Kids lie because they are afraid. Give her the confidence to tell you everything. There’s no other way
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You’re controlling to much she doesn’t feel like she has any freedom. I know the apprehensions about it all but she’s going to do what she wants whether you like it or not. Let her have the Snapchat but keep your eye on her with it. Let her date but have boundaries. Otherwise she will keep lying to you about it. But she will definitely still do it.
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So I was torn between this myself. The advise I would give you is ,if she feels safe and comfortable with you she will open up to you. It’s tuff cause you want to protect her and keep social media out of her life. We can’t really stop it. So I have made a deal with my girl,I have full access to her social media. Also there are several parenting apps so you can look on your phone and have full access to see what she is up to
Holy cow these comments… 
this mom came to us for advice, not judging her parenting. So my 8 year old says at least seven of her 3rd grade friends have a tiktok, am I supposed to “adjust my generational meter”??? Ummm no thank you. I know when I was 13 I wouldn’t have had any business being on social media and that’s obviously what this mom feels of her own daughter. Yall wanna condemn her for being too strict until her child runs off with a child predator she meets online then you’ll say she wasn’t doing her job as a mom.
ANYWAYS,
To the OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this and I have no advice for you as I have children 8 and under. You’re doing a great job momming just being concerned. Don’t listen to the comment trolls.
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Trying to control your child in this manner will destroy any chance you have of her trusting and depending on you when she most needs you. Losen up gradually, you can’t pick an age for her to suddenly be “mature” enough to use social media and date. Trust her, love her and stop forcing her to be a sneak and liar. She’s a teenager and you are stealing her ability to make and maintain friendships, grow into an adult and learn about NORMAL boundaries.
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I lied a lot at 13. And I started getting bad grades around that age too. Yes, my parents were strict. Did I hate it back then? Absolutely. I eventually grew out of it once I was old enough to realize there’s no reason to lie. Now I’m 33 with a college education, good paying job, in a healthy relationship, and living on my own. And I actually thank my parents now for being as strict as they were, because who knows what I would’ve gotten into. It takes time. Be patient and keep doing the best you can.
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The dating thing I agreed to group dates and school activities.
Teenagers are like a bar of soap. The tighter the grasp the slippier it gets and the farther they will run.
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You are a very strict parent, with way too many rules. Children these days will do as.they wish regardless. I was very strict, no games over 16 etc routine dinner time, bed time etc…and my son would make out he was doing homework at a mates to play the new grand theft auto. He went from being a kid that was open and honest to sneaky. So I backed down but just monitored things
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One thing I absolutely hated as a teen and even a kid in general was being told I couldn’t do something and being told “because I said so” as the reason.
A real explanation and discussion would have gone a LONG way.
I try really hard to do that for my kids.
Sometimes because I said so ends up being the last line of a discussion but I’ve got a kid who would argue it’s safe to stand in the middle of a highway no matter how many ways I explain it’s danger.
Take a breath and a step back.
Really look at the situation. Have you explained why you don’t want your child to have social media yet? The dangers? The risks? Is there a way to keep her safe and allow her a little more freedom?
You don’t want her to date. Have you explained why? What is the reason? Have you considered calling a boy her boyfriend, texting/talking on the phone isn’t really the same thing as actually dating. That maybe there be a compromise there?
I’m not saying you’re completely wrong for having boundaries. You’re her mom. You’re not supposed to be her friend all the time and Kids don’t always understand the real life implications of decisions they make. I know that I had the “it won’t happen to me” mentality at that age.
And in that sometimes because I said so is the best you can do.
But I’d suggest really communicating with her and really trying to hear her out and understand her.
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She’s lying because you don’t let her be her, you don’t let her be like the rest of her friends. She’s 13. She’s a teen, let her be a damn teenager. I rebelled and lied to my parents at that age too because they didn’t let me do anything, and Everytime I did something I wanted to do, I figured I would get in trouble for it, so I lied. She’s doing the same thing.
Take everything away. Don’t let her out of your sight.
She will get angry but so what. Be the parent and not try and stay liked.
Love is tough.
Take control or you will lose the battle.
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Maybe give her the option on 1 social media that you will have full access too… I know tiktok has good parental settings. Now Snapchat- absolutely not yet. I work in the abuse (sexual and physical) clinic at a childrens hospital- you don’t even want to know how many 12-17 year olds we see that’s been sexually abused by a guy they met on that app. It’s honestly horrifying. 
. My 10 year old has begged because “all her friends have if” but I’ve had to sit her down and explain that I see kids that have been hurt too many times because of that app.
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Its an adrenaline rush, theyre too young to understand the big picture. Im allowed my kids to act independently, if I find unacceptable behavior…lying, hiding, sneaking…i remove that factor. They couldn’t handle their freedom, now that freedom is gone. Absolutely everything everything has to be earned! Its a process and you can’t control it so have to back off a bit to focus clearer…all of us…until they’re 18, mama birds, they have to make mistakes and deal with consequences their whole lives just like us, and every kid needs a different bag of tools to be able to grow into well balanced adults.
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Lie back to her to show her how it feels. Tell her you got tickets to see her favorite band or go to Disney world. Then the day of said event admit it was all a lie and as long as she keeps lying she will never know if y’all are going to do a fun thing or it was all a lie.
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Like…every single teenager I know has a Snapchat… and the more you’re so against it the more your rebellious teenager is going to want to do the things she’s not supposed to do.
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The more you try to control her the more she will rebel and the further away you will push her. You telling her she can’t do something will not stop her from doing it. All it does is cause her to be sneaky and do it behind your back instead.
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She came for help not be judged she has set boundaries and standards for child and just because you don’t agree with them that doesn’t mean you judge her.she is protecting her child.kids like to push boundaries to see how far and what they can get away with .this is what is wrong with so many kids parents don’t discipline and show that If you break rules there are consequences for their actions maybe them accountable. I think she is doing amazing and needs to be consistent with what she’s doing and don’t back down. Social media can cause problems that her daughter probably doesn’t even realize at 13.
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Take every thing away furniture in her room clothes everything give her a blanket when she does somthing good give some of her cothes back when she does somthing not to good take clothes back if she help around the house or is really impressing you give her the mattress back and compliment her tell he’s your impressed must compliment good behavior let her sleep on floor she does not deserve the nice things you provide don’t tell the world what your doing she will tell anyone who will listen remember her hormones are crazy at this age she accually may need a small antidepressant or those pills over the counter for periods so keep doctor in the loop
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The more you tell her she can’t do it the more she’s gonna want to do it. Maybe you should loosen up the reins a little bit and give her some space. Has she proven she’s out making trouble or doing shit she shouldn’t be?
My daughter got her phone back at 13. She was pretty naughty on it before so she had a long break.
I have family link on my phone and it’s connected to her phone. I can always see where she is and I can control what she has on her phone.
When she’s a shit I turn off apps or just lock it. When she’s being good it’s on. She only has Facebook, messenger, Spotify and a few games. No snapchat or tik toc.
If grades down she gets apps blocked. But she will always be able to call and text her parents and I can always see where she is.
Give a little trust and you may see an improvement if not. Beat her ass
So the way I see it the mother is too strict and the daughter is rebelling. My daughter has a Snapchat. She’s 11. But she doesnt sneak around, she doesn’t lie to us, she doesn’t hide stuff. And I think the reason is because we keep that level of communication open and we do allow our kids freedoms, but obviously only after making sure they understand the risks. If you tell her no to everything because it scares you as a parent, she will find ways to be on that level with her friends. She’s just growing up and needs more space. Give it 5 more years and she won’t even be living with you anymore if you continue to push her away
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Tell her to get her grades up and you’ll compromise. As long as you have your eyes on her.
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Do you call her a liar? Do you nag alot about the rules? The more you push and push the more she will want to go against the rules. Maybe you should have some one on one time with her. Take her to lunch, listen to her thoughts, and explain reasoning of the whys. Like the danger ect.
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Do u rely think ur keeping her off all those social apps? Lol no ur not she uses her friends phone to look at it . That’s all theses kids do now. This way u can’t monitor it either. I let my kid use it I just don’t allow her to post anything. I monitor the accounts daily. I have all passwords and usernames. This is normal for this age. Sounds like she’s rebelling bc if strict rules. Don’t push too hard u will push her away. Remember ppl want what they can’t have it’s human nature. Of the lying is that bad to the point that it may be a mental issue and she can’t help it go see a Dr. It could just be her rebelling tho . This age is fragile. This is when they start to know who they r in life and she can’t determine who she wants to be w so many restrictions.
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I’m proud of you!!! My sister had an abortion a LONG time ago. I was eager to have sex on my 14th birthday. I say those personal things to illustrate that young people absolutely need tight controls if you want to know what they are getting into. I have gone into skating rinks to pick my son up because he wasn’t answering his phone. I have monitored viewing remotely and changed the password. We have 1 shot as parents to instill values and keep them safe. DO explain and give examples of the things that are off limits and why. They are young once… she has the whole rest of her life to date and be an adult.
Well good job mom, your daughter will never trust you ever. You realize she’s 13?! Heck, imagine this. I had a job at 14, paid my own phone bill, ran the streets til 1-2am, played soccer, was in dance AND STILL was a 4.0 student. Oh and I even left at 15 got on the greyhound to the Bronx, NY, then to Chicago a year later and never went back “home”. 
Yes I graduated, still with a 4.0 and with TWO jobs.
Quit smothering your child. She needs to learn, she needs to experience, she’s a damn teenager ffs. She’s going to have resentment towards you, I promise.
My daughter started at a very young age and never stopped. She’s almost 47 and you can’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth. Good luck.
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I think perhaps you have a few too many rules without a lot of compromise. If all her friends are doing something then she’s going to want to and if she feels like you don’t let her do anything she wants then she’s going to lie to you. She isn’t old enough to understand all of the consequences of things so it’s gonna be better if you support her with a few things and choose your battles wisely. Maybe have a chat with her about the rules she feels are too much and between you find a compromise that gives her s bit more trust from you and allows her to trust you in return and hopefully open up a bit. It’s a difficult age, they are very naive yet think they know everything. Good luck however you choose to deal with this x
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It’s hard momma it’s hard! I have one that’s 14 this year and a freshman. She has never went through this stage until recently. Not so much the lying but the rebellious stage. She has always done well in school and her grades slipped this past 9 weeks. I do allow her to have tictok but we compromised to her only being able to post what I approve and I have her log in. It has worked well. She hasn’t fussed to much about snap. She does have a boyfriend but they can only hang out at my home in the open common areas (his parents are never home so I don’t allow for her to go to his home). She has a phone that I often pick up if I feel the need.
Now…all this stuff I have mention has to be earned. I don’t necessarily ground her but in order for to spend time with her boyfriend, get on tictok, and use her phone she has to have good grades (no missing homework etc), room cleaned up, help with a daily chore, and have a positive attitude/behavior.
I have found this has worked much better then nagging and grounding.
I have explained to her the choice is yours! You choose what you are able to do everyday. To me it’s a way Of teaching her accountability.
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Would you ever consider snap chat but you have total access to it. A lot of what she is doing is because you are forbidding it. Compromise mama with set boundaries. Explain one serious mess up and it’s gone for sure until she’s old enough. Good luck!
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My youngest are 11 then I have a 12, 13, 16, 17 , 20and 22 year olds. Yes I have 9 two sets of twins. If their is anything that I have learned it is the more you are against her having stuff the more she is going to want it ! My kids are allowed to have Facebook and TikTok. I have a TikTok so I can watch what they post I also have access to all my under age kids accounts and they know I watch. They are NOT allowed to have snap chat and they understand if they do or if they don’t abide by the rules I have set in place for the phone then they simply won’t have one.
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Personally, I would teach her how to navigate social media. My daughter is 9 and her friends are hardly on FB messenger. It is computer age and times has changed. I would focus on the importance of honesty and importance of integrity….not just the lie, but how lies in general can destroy different areas of your life, what it does to relationships and how it changes people attitude towards you. Talk about how important it is to trust each other, but more importantly, have enough grace to allow her to tell the truth and manage the behavior from there.
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Don’t be too strick she is going to run away. It’s not 1990 something it’s 2022 almost. She feels like she has to lie to you for some reason.
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The more you restrict the more they’re going to rebel. I know this because I lived it. Maybe make a compromise and let the child be a child. I’m sure she’s being made fun of for not being able to do what other normal children are doing. You’re probably doing more harm than good.
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If she has been lying then she doesn’t deserve any of it.
I would be very clear on her changing her attitude and lying about things or she doesn’t even get that phone back.
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My oldest daughter is 9 and my oldest child is 10. Both have phones and both have Snapchat. Phone safety is a good topic in our house. I try to let my kids have privacy to an extent, in my house we don’t hide anything. Phones are brought to me at 9pm. With her being 13 it’s probably best to look back at what you were doing at that age and see how you can compromise with her. She’s a girl and teen at that, she has hormones and she’s definitely going to have a boyfriend especially if you say she can’t have one. Being uninformative to a kid and not give clear reasoning causes for them to lash out and do things behind your back. I always try to put myself in my kids shoes and think back to what I was doing at that age to see if it’s appropriate or not also putting in the fact that times have changed and will keep changing.
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You are the problem. Your kid does not trust YOU and that’s a big red flag. What are you doing or have done to cause the mistrust? As a kid who did the same stuff, there is a reason she doesn’t trust to tell you the truth. There is a reason she feels the need to lie. I had a reason, I’m also in therapy over the trauma my parents left me and have been since I was 16. There is a reason and I feel you are not being forthcoming with your own behavior 
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Please consider compromising with her or it will get worse the older she gets! If you consider letting her have any social media (fb, snapchat, TikTok anything) just have her login and password so you can monitor it!
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The more strict you are the more they will hide And lie
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I have an absolute fantastic idea… try it, it worked for me… trust. your. children. It’s that simple. Kids who are given a million rules and strict parenting, sneak around and lie. You were her age once… kids who have excessive rules, will find a way to do what they want. My mother was extremely strict growing up, I’m pushing 40 and she still tries to control things I do sometimes. For example, I have 4 children. I’ve been a mom for over 18 years. I have 18 year old twins, who still live at home. One of them, this past summer, decided she wanted to go to NC to visit a friend. I said go, have fun, be careful. When I told my mom, she flipped. I used to tell her I was staying with a friend, and then go do whatever I wanted. I tried a different approach with my kids. I’m not saying let your daughter run wild in the streets, but you need to loosen the reigns. With my kids, I have open and honest communication with them. I’m blunt with the consequences of having sex and doing drugs/drinking. My kids ask for permission to do stuff, even my 18 year olds, but I remind them they don’t need permission, they need communication - I wanna go here, I wanna do this - they still get the questions, who’s gonna be there, when will you be home etc. I parent them, but I don’t control them. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16 either… all that lead to was me sneaking around. My girls, they had freedom, neither one of them have even dated yet. My son, who’s 13, has had a dozen girlfriends since kindergarten. In my opinion, Instead of rules, you need communication. Loosen your grip, or she’s gonna resent you and you’re not protecting her, all you’re doing is sugar coating the world for her, and the world isn’t sugar coated. Let her be exposed to the world we live in, and instead of trying to control her, guide her.
Sounds like you need to be more open minded. And she’ll be more honest.
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My girl invents the wildest stuff imaginable… she lies about dreams she’s had and I know she’s lying , I say … now tell me the truth and she goes OK mum… it didn’t happen really lol… I think its just a phase… both my girls were lesbians and self harmers, it’s just a phase they go through… it is frustrating though 
You are NOT too strict. Hold your ground!!!
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She obviously doesn’t feel like she can tell you the truth. set boundaries and communicate with her. Communication is just important between us and our kids as it is between us and other adults.
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now a days theres alot of parental control on those apps , you can teach her to be safe and keep monitoring what shes up to. but theres a huge lack of communication and trust here. I have a 13 year old.
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I was her. Come to find out I had ADD. I had trouble in school, lied about any and everything, and didn’t care.
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Don’t let the 'little lies go because it will only escalate & get worse, my 14 yr old lies through her teeth til grinded down to admit the truth,letting the lies go teaches nothing however she is allowed social media
You are a toxic parent and your kids will never trust you if you continue this. And your child will face the repercussions of this her whole life. She obviously doesn’t feel trusted or independent enough to become her own person. You can monitor your child and still allow them to have these things. They’re going to do it regardless. You’re punishing her for wanting to be a normal kid, not sheltered away from the world. I’m telling you, change your parenting ways or your kid will never forgive you.
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My daughter is 10 and I allow tik tok as long as I am her friend and I can see everything she posts. I will not allow snapchat currently cuz I know how girls are and that isn’t something I can see. The rule was if you want tik tok I needed to be ur friend and my daughter is absolutely okay with it she uses it to watch paint videos and is constantly making stuff and then sending me videos of food items she wants to make
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I think you should let her do her thing on social media. Instead of trying to control what she does, tell her she can do what she wants but you need absolute honesty. Everytime she lies, take her phone away for a few days. Eventually she will learn the importance of honesty. Tell her you will check her phone every day to see what she’s been up to, and do that.
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May GOD Bless you all.
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You are isolating her from her friends when you don’t allow her to communicate the way they do. Reducing ability to develop social skills will have HUGE affects throughout her life. Being able to “schmooze” at work is actually way more important to career success than anything else (sadly) and now is when she should be learning how to get along with group norms. (I don’t agree with the world being that way, but it is.)
Also – you’re hardly leading by example if you’re mad she’s on her phone during a class she’s failing but then… text her during that same class expecting an answer? I mean, is her phone a distraction from school or is it not? Starting an emotional “you’re in trouble” type convo with her during that class is more distracting than sending a quick snap.
Overly strict parents create good liars. It’s your choice because ultimately being a good liar can also (sadly) help her later in life too.
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One year my dad grounded me for an entire summer and half a school year for lying about smoking cigarettes. It made me the most honest person ever lol. Also not being able to do anything for an entire year including after school activities taught me lol
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Loosen the reigns a bit, the more strict you are, the more she will rebel.
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The more strict you are the worse it’s going to be. She isn’t going to want to tell you a thing.
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Counseling for her with your involvement
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Chores. Every time she gets caught in a lie… chores. You will soon have the cleanest house on the block. ( how I miss those teenage years… sigh) washing the floor on the knees with a scrub brush & bucket. Dusting, vacuuming, laundry, lawn mowing, washing cars, etc. She will learn so many lessons !!!
Educate don’t discriminate
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Strict parents create sneaky kids …
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So, most of what I’m reading is let the kids do what they want so they won’t lie? If this parent is trying to protect her children because they are not mature enough for the responsibility, she shouldn’t be told to lift restrictions. I know girls (15) that were given the freedom and ended up having guys (22) lure them into relationships with sex. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with being strict. Maybe these kids in society would be more respectful if more parents WERE strict.
Great Job to this parent. My kids were punished for lying. Not as much for doing wrong.
Children who lie alot even for smalls things, can be because they told the truth before, and someone handled the situation too harshly…
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Read/listen to the five love languages of children by Gary Chapman
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From a stepmom who is currently going through the same thing you need to find something the works for you and her. We have tried everything. It even got to a point where she was stealing. Sneaking out of the house and believe me it started out with just social media. Things go on those apps that we don’t know. Things can be deleted pictures can be sent. With my kids I had a open relationship and I didn’t have the issue I have like I do with my step daughter and when one doesn’t want to talk you don’t know how to help. So sit down with her. Communication is key. If you never had a issue with her in any other case then these little white lies about having a snap chat maybe just a talk would help.
Your to hard on her you can’t isolated her forever. She will grow to resent you and I don’t blame her.
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